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  IMPLICATIONS OF ONENESS IN MARRIAGE
  by Gbile Akanni
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Summary: Gbile Akanni teaches that true oneness in marriage means
forming a new unified entity where both partners share everything,
including finances and decisions, to build a successful home.

Duration: 1:22:15 Topics: "Marriage", "Christian Living"
Scripture References: Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:8

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DESCRIPTION
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In this teaching sermon, Gbile Akanni explores the practical
implications of oneness in marriage, emphasizing the biblical foundation
for couples to become one unified entity. Drawing from real-life
examples and scriptural principles, he addresses common challenges such
as financial disagreements and decision-making. The message encourages
couples to trust God, practice mutual submission, and manage their lives
jointly to build strong, successful homes.

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CONTENT
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Living Seed Media brings to you God's Word, which is his comprehensive
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encounter his Word. For further inquiry or counsel, contact Peace House,
P.O. Box 971, Boko, Benue State, Nigeria.

Telephone numbers 0703 03636 59 0703 76811 98 Email address
lsmedia.livingseed.org Or visit our website at www.livingseed.org Let us
sit back and listen as the servant of God brings forth the Word of Life.
Praise the Lord. We are continuing our discussion this evening to be our
final session.

Looking at the implications of oneness and how oneness can become
practically displayed in the home. I am going to invite two more
couples, again and of course my wife, so that we will join in this
discussion. The first couple is Dr. and Mrs. Abba.

Dr. Peter and Aisha Abba, they will be joining me. And Brother Chizoba
and Blessing Okonkwo, wherever you are, please resort to us now. Sit,
just sit.

Make sure you sit beside your boat. Alright, praise the Lord. You are
welcome.

As usual, we deliberately picked an older couple and a younger one. But
none of them is younger than six years. So they have had the chance to
practice the issues we are talking about.

Even the younger one, I think they are six or seven years. Eight years.
Eight years next month.

That's the wife. They normally know the date. Praise the Lord.

We pray quickly. Alright, let's pray together. Our Father, we thank you
very much for this evening again.

We are not doing this just to talk. We are seeking help and
encouragement for couples that may be having challenges with some of
these areas. The reason we are able to sit today to talk is because you
have helped us.

And we know that you who, the same God who is over all, the Bible says,
is rich towards all. If you helped us, you can help anybody. Therefore,
Father, we are asking you to send help to several homes as they listen
to our discussion in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

We are begging you that tips, principles, little, little things that can
make the difference in our homes, they will come out as we discuss in
the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you, Eternal Rock of Ages. We
ask that the Holy Spirit will walk amidst us freely.

Thank you for hearing us. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

Amen. Praise the Lord. Dr. Abba and his wife, they are 22 years old in
marriage.

The wine is quite fermented. And God will help us. Yesterday, we started
by doing a definition, a practical definition of oneness.

We spent time to look at it and so we are not going to go through it
again today. Because we are looking at the practical implications, the
practical areas of the home where our oneness is required, where our
oneness is worked out, where our oneness is a need for us to make a
success in our home. But just to, by way of a definition again, oneness
of the home, it means that they are no longer two.

But how many? One. It means that everything the husband was is subsumed
into a new unit into which the wife also is what? Subsumed, is poured
into. It is not that the wife has come to join her husband.

It is that both of them come from wherever they are to form a new
entity. And in my years of being a pastor, I normally like to give them
a new name. And I try to mix the two names together.

But I try to mix the names in such a way that you can no longer separate
the names. It is not just to say Larry Nyenka, in which case Larry is
still standing, Nyenka is standing. I will not tell you our own.

I know your ears are waiting to hear it. Like this one's name, it will
not be Peter Aisha. If I were joining them together, it would be Pisha.

So that if you remove P, it has no meaning. If you put Sha, it's not
complete. It is only when they come together that they become one.

Oneness in the home means bringing both our assets and our liabilities
together into one pot. What I have and what I don't have, I bring into
the table. And the two are mixed together and they become a new one.

And yesterday we dealt much more with relationships with family members,
with mothers, with parents, with siblings and all of that. And the truth
of the matter is that if Peter had, how many were your siblings? There
are eight. You are eight.

At least you are not 22. You, you are 21. This time now it's the sisters
that are 21.

Now, so how many siblings do you have? How many siblings does Pisha
have? 20 plus 7. That's how many? 27. It's not as if Peter has 7 and
Aisha has 20. Pisha now has how many? 27.

So when they say my brother, you have to run through the 27 to know
which brother you are dealing with. Because there are no more two. There
are what? There are one.

Do you still have your parents alive? She has one. You, you have eaten
both of them. It's alright.

So how many parents does Pisha have now? One. What about the, Chi, Chi,
Chi-Sing? How many parents did you cheat? She has one. And you two, you
have eaten your own.

How bad. Thank God. We should not be sitting close to them because I
still have two.

And she has one. So we are disingenuous of all of you in this matter.
All right, praise the Lord.

So we are going to be tilting a little bit to look at the practical
implications of our oneness in some quick areas. The way our time has
gone today, and I know they are coming to give me time ever before I
start. Thanks to Brother Charles.

Wow. Okay. All right.

I wanted us to deal with the big issue of money, financial oneness in
the home, material oneness, oneness in physical material things as a
result of our matrimony. This is an area we know causes a lot of
trouble, and we want to look at how God has helped these families in
handling such issues. If we have time also, we'll look a little bit on
how you handle decision making, we'll look at maybe children and all
sorts of things, but I'm looking at our time now, we will have to run
very fast.

Let me begin with Brother Peter. Both of you are on full time, but you
did not start your life as full time. You worked before, after marriage,
you were salary earners and all of that.

Can you give us an insight on to how God has helped you to be one such
that money is not a problem in the family? Praise the Lord. I had
started a practice in 96, so I was self-employed, and I got married in
97, but before then, I had come this way. So, I knew that, actually,
before I came, when I was living this way, I had talked to Brother
Dennis, so there was a counsel he gave to me that I held to.

He said that, because I had issues combining medical work with ministry,
because I felt I was to go to the mission field. So, when I was going,
he said that going to pick a job where I will be paid this salary is not
really an issue. The issue would be if I decided to now start living on
my salary, so that whenever God will come and say, okay, leave this one
and go to the next place, and in the next place there is no salary, then
I will be in trouble.

So I had lived that way, even when I was working and earning a salary,
and then when I went into my own practice, I still put myself on the
salary, and so I got married while I was doing that. We had only one
account. She managed all our financial things, everything was in her
hand.

The only thing that was not in her hand was managing relatives. We
decided early when we got married that in order not to create problems
for ourselves, she would handle any requests that come from my family,
and I handled any requests that came from her family. So I managed her
family requests, she managed my own, but otherwise we shared a single
pulse, decided together what to do, and that's how it has been all our
married years.

So we didn't really have much challenges in terms of monetary issues,
although I must also say that when we got married newly, one of the
first challenges we had as a couple was we went out to buy cottons for
our house, we got a new house, so we went to buy cottons, and we
couldn't agree as to what to do, and we didn't pick a cotton, we came
back, and we had such issues, it began to bother me, what is this, this
is not how it's supposed to be, why can we not see eye to eye, you are
going here, okay. So I said the first challenge we had as a couple, the
first thing I noticed was that we were not apparently agreeing together,
she wanted this color, I want this color, she wanted that, I wanted
that, and it reached a point that we went to Makoti to buy cottons, and
we couldn't agree as to what cotton to buy, so we came back, okay, let's
go and think about it, and when that piled up, I remember one morning, I
got up and I went to our dining, I sat, I said God, what is this, is
this how marriage is supposed to be, it bothered me, and God came with
one example that solved my problems, He came and said when two rivers,
you know I had traveled by boat across river Niger at Shintaku, so I saw
where the Niger and the Benue met, so God took me there, He said when
two rivers meet, there is turbulence at the point of their confluence,
but if they agree to go together, the turbulence, it ebbs out, and that
the way to reduce turbulence is to reduce the angle of inclination, so
the angle of inclination, that if I can angle myself as close to her
point of view as possible, those turbulence will ebb out, and I began to
do that, I am still doing that, I have not succeeded completely, but it
has helped us significantly. Praise the Lord, put that off, all right,
maybe the first thing I am picking out from there is that no marriage
should think that if they have disagreements on viewpoints, we should
not think that it is strange, especially when it comes to financial
matters.

Maybe that's the first thing that we need to grind in, is that one of
the ways that will be a continuous index, what can I do, I have a
simpler English, a pointer as to how far you are going in your oneness,
will be in your agreement on spending, is usually a turbulent area.
Before you married, you didn't consult anybody, you didn't think with
anybody, you just stood up and spent. Now, brother Chizoba, when, how
did you call this, turbulence, in terms of deciding how to spend our
money, when it comes up between you and Sister Blessing, can you tell us
some of the ways in which you have used to resolve it, because one of
the ways in which you have used to to become one in spending, how did
you handle it, or is this Sister Blessing as you ask first, as you ask
her first, you are very quick to say as you ask Sister Blessing first,
say your own, then she will say her own.

Well, the first thing that I want to say, I said, I owe my marriage to
discipleship, I said, I owe my marriage to discipleship, I entered the
discipleship early, once I gave my life to Christ, it was, it didn't
take long, and then I entered the, yes, okay, so the, that's the first
place I got to see the issue of oneness in the area of finance, I got
close to discipleship in such a way that they trusted me with their
going to bank, so I saw that their bank account is Mr. and Mrs., and any
of them can sign, and sign the cheque, and I can withdraw, so with that,
I already know that this is a pattern to follow, so when I, we got
married, even in Koshy, we were already planning on how we must have a
joint account, so when we married, her own account closed, the one I
have, we have to, I brought her into it to become a signatory, and you
can sign, but the issue of spending, especially on ourselves, each both
of us, we have already learned how to trust God for our needs, where we
had a little trouble was in the issue of giving, I used to think I know
how to give until I got married, before I know that I'm just doing, I
was doing a child play, my mother-in-law actually told me that in case I
came back one day, and I didn't see our bed, just know that my wife must
have given it to somebody that needed it, so, so, but thank God, the way
God arranged it, and I, she naturally doesn't like going to bank, so I
became the person that runs the account, so anytime she has a need to
give, we discuss it, we discuss it, and we know what is, what is, what
is adequate to give, and it has helped us, that's helped us quite,
quite, quite well, we are, God is helping us with that at this point,
and she, even though she has, she has the, she's one that if I'm going
traveling, I go with the ATM, but she has the booklet, but she has
always been a good, a good wife that refers to me, so with that, there
has no, there has not been a problem, there's no problem at all, she
refers, and we take decisions on how to spend together, we take it
together. Just like my sister said yesterday, that we were taught, I
must confess that we were taught not just the Bible, also by lifestyle,
one of the first principles I learned was that the husband is the head,
and the wife is the body, and that the head is the person that gives
direction, so I had had issues with my mother on giving, one day I gave
something out, and she insisted, because I gave out without her consent,
so it was a serious lesson for me, so when we got married, if I will
give an example, where we had an issue, I wanted to give out something,
and before I gave out, I mistakenly mentioned to the lady that I will
give her some palm oil that my sister-in-law sent to me, then we were in
Yola, so she sent the palm oil, and actually it was much, so unknown to
me, I did not know that my mom discussed with my husband that I give
without caution, so and I did not know that he was watching to manage
that, so I had already mentioned to the lady that I will give her some
palm oil, when I mentioned to my husband, he said I should wait first, I
didn't know he was watching my submission, and he was firm, I tried to
convince him, so that I can give out the palm oil, he said no, that when
he's ready, in fact he did not give me hope of giving it, and each time
I come out, our flat was opposite this lady's flat, a week passed, the
second week, and the lady, you know, palm oil, a good one is not likely
common like that around there, so we waited, I waited, and until I came
to, my heart was struggling as if I should give, but I remember that the
husband is the head, if it's truly God's way for me to give out this
palm oil, he will speak to my husband, and sincerely I rested on that,
so it was about two or three weeks after that he asked me, have I given
the lady the palm oil, I said no, you said I shouldn't, so later on he
said I can give her, and that was how I went about it, and today I have
always referred that an instance where we had money, and I'm the only
daughter of my mom, and we are just two, I'm the first child, I was so
burdened about her needs, but before I got married, I learned the
principle of living and cleaving, and because it was so difficult for my
mom to quickly accept my husband, there was a trouble that came in, a
deception on her part, and she was not willing, with all my attempts it
was very difficult, but finally God intervened, in fact now she talks to
my husband for any of her needs, they discuss on their own, but I was so
worried about my mother, and I prayed because I released my, anybody
that look up to me for financial imputes, I released it to my husband to
to be the one, so it was so helpful that as I prayed that day, my
husband called me that he felt led, because we were not in the same town
for that period, that he was led to send some money to my mother, and it
encouraged me that I can always depend on God to give direction to my
husband for whatever we are to do, so to that extent God has been.
Praise the Lord.

If you were observant like I will have, I wanted to mention yesterday,
you will see that the younger couples, I brought an older couple and a
younger couple, the younger couple today have made reference very
seriously to the fact that they were instructed, did you notice this
that, that they have gone through teachings that helped, they have gone
through a discipling process, and our brother for example said, one of
his own point of victory was how he watched his own discipler and his
wife handle their money. Now where am I identifying this? It is possible
for you to come and we are sitting down with all the Bible studies, with
all the instructions, with all the messages, and you sit down, you say
hmm, this thing, these people, do they think it's easy like that? Now
the issue is that if somebody has made up his mind that is going to work
a principle, we are seeing evidence that it does what? It works. And I
want to encourage you, whatever God is bringing to you, that's the
reason why you are coming to couples retreats.

That's why we are going through the messages, through the seminars,
through the Bible studies, is because we are hoping that instructions
will come to you and they will be helpful. I want my wife to quickly
talk to us about the various reasons why you will notice that these two
people talk about what we will call a joint purse, isn't it? All the
money that comes to them comes together into the same pot. I want to
outline it so that we know what we are dealing with.

It is not that Peter is spending his money, Aisha is spending her money,
and when they have a joint project, they say how much will you put? How
much will I put? Like I've met some couples, they say they are doing
joint purse, and I say how? You say yes, she has her account, I have my
account, and there's one joint purse to which both of us contribute. But
we are seeing that that's not the Bible. The biblical instruction is
that there are no more two.

The account is no more two. It's just that this is not a time for Bible
study. We will be opening the scriptures to see.

The Bible says they are partners together inheriting God's blessings. So
if they have a partnership account in heaven, if they are going to run
well, they ought to have a partnership, a joint account here on the
earth. I'm still going to come for you to tell us the practical way in
which you run your accounts, because these are the days of many
accounts.

I'm sure you don't have one account. So how do you run it? But before we
go there, I want my wife to help us to point out what are the reasons
why people don't like to do this oneness when it comes to finance. Well,
one reason why most people, particularly women, don't want to run a
joint account with their husband is because of the experiences we have
had in the past, because of what they have seen in the past.

I remember that when I was going to get married, my mother, just like a
normal mother, called me and started teaching me how to behave in your
husband's house. And one of the things she said to me and warned me
about and against is that don't run a joint account with a man. And she
told me the reason, even though she was not born again when she got
married, but she told me she had a joint account with my father, with
her husband at the beginning of her marriage.

But her husband, my father was the one that was the only signature to
the account. He was the one that ran the account. And when she needed
anything, she had to go and ask him, and sometimes even need to beg.

Even though her own money is part of this money, she told me that when
she collected her salary, she would just carry 200% and give to my
father. And when it's time to buy something for her, she has to be
begging. And when it's time to give my father's parents or family
something or do something in their own family, there will always be
money to do it.

But when it's time for her own family, my father will say there's no
money. So she said she did that for some years. But after some time, she
made up her mind, this thing does not pay me.

So she told him, I'm sorry, I don't want to do joint posts again. So she
warned me. Unfortunately for her, me, I have been doing joint posts even
since I got engaged, even before I got married.

I just thanked her. So one of the reasons why a lot of people,
particularly women don't like joint posts is because in most cases, we
don't really know the very practical way of running a joint post. It is
the men that single-handedly run the accounts and make decisions on how
to spend the money.

And most of the time, the wives are disadvantaged. That's one. The
second thing is that I've been in women meetings.

I've been in women meetings before. I've been in pastors' wives meetings
and I say, no, let's not do it like that. How can a woman, you just lose
all your dignity.

You want to buy ordinary sanitary towel, you have to go and be begging
to say, hey, my husband, that thing has come, I need to buy sanitary
towel. That doesn't make any sense. All of that, as far as I'm
concerned, is still a display of the fact that we have not learned the
practical way of running a joint account.

We should remember that these accounts we are talking about, just like
my husband said earlier, is a big pot where I have brought my assets and
I have brought my liabilities. He has brought his assets. He has brought
the liability.

So everything inside that single pot belongs to the two of us, not just
to one person. So I think that's the major reasons why. And like I said
yesterday, it's still the same thing.

So supposing something suddenly happens to the man and everything is in
his name. The car that we paid for together is in his name. The house we
built together with our income is in his name.

Everything is in his name. And then the family comes. Of course, nobody
prays for her husband to die early, but it happens anyway.

So supposing the man dies and everything is in his name. So at the end
of the day, the woman loses everything. Her children, in most cases,
loses everything.

So that's why women say there's no problem. We agree together. You pay
school fees, let me pay for food, or you do this, but let's keep our
different accounts.

I think, majorly, those are reasons why particularly women don't want
joint accounts. Do you have other... Okay, add to it. Praise the Lord.

My father died way... My father died a few years before I got married,
but I remember having this discussion with him one day. We were talking
and he said that women should not normally... That when women know that
you have money, children tend to fall sick. He said, when women know
that you have money, children tend to fall sick.

That was what he told me. That's the way he said it in my language. And
I think what he was trying to say is that when a woman knows that you
have money, the demands will increase.

Praise the Lord. Well, I think that's what people also say, but we are
taught that women are actually the most, the great managers when it
comes to money. But we discover that if they are asking you, we are told
that if they are asking you and you just bring it, that you are not
bringing everything and give them, they will know that they are still
there.

But if they get to know that this is all that we have, they know that
this is all that we have, they know how to manage it. And that is what
has helped us. Of course, my phone, I'm the one that all the money that
come into the account, I'm the one that put my number is the alert, with
the alert.

But anytime I come back, she carries my phone. So she knows if there's
money that I entered, she knows. If there's money that is removed, she
knows.

And we tell ourselves, whatever that come in, having done that, we
discover that, sincerely speaking, what they have said about women, it
is not correct. It's not right. I'm sure the clapping is from women.

Just before I got married, my father called me, her mother called her
and said, he said, do your hand like this. I did my hand. I did my hand
like this.

Then he did his own hand like this. He said, a man's hand must always be
on top and a woman's hand must always be where? Under. A man must never
take from his wife and you must never allow the hand under.

To know what is inside, you know, this way you do the art is the one
that drops. These are all native wisdom, but you will know that this
wisdom is not coming from the angle of oneness. The reason children fall
sick, when they know there is money, is because children are the only
authentic way that they will collect the money from the man.

I'm correct, I know. But if the whole money is on the ground and we know
what everything is, children will not need to fall sick. And if they
fall sick, all of us know that if we use everything to treat children,
all of us will go hungry after the children are well.

Praise the Lord. Now, so my time has run very fast. I want us to begin
to deal with now with practical way of handling this oneness in
financial materials, which is popularly called joint account.

Does it mean that the whole family must have one account? Supposing our
working place, they require that we must have individual separate
account bearing your name you cannot use a joint account. Supposing one
partner is a businessman, he has a group of companies. Supposing,
supposing, supposing, supposing, how do we run this thing practically?
Sister Aisha, you will talk now.

You are going to tell us both from your practical experience and maybe
also wisdom that you can learn, young wives and husbands, how do you run
this account practically? Praise the Lord. It's very, very true that
it's not all the time that it's possible that you all keep one account.
I mean that the two of you will keep one account.

Like you had raised scenarios, you may be an employee that would demand
that it's only your name or your account, just a single holder. The
bottom line of what we're talking about, about this oneness, is that we
are open. We are, we are, we're naked and we're not ashamed.

What he has, I know. What I have, he knows. You know, it's not all our
assets that we put in the bank.

No, we are talking about money as if it is the only thing that you have,
you know, but we have several things that are not in the banks. So the
issue there is, of course, like he said, when we started, we were
running a private practice. I happen to always have been his manager and
all of that because I was advised.

I was working in a school when we got married, but one day, mommy came
and she told me, Sister Shadi said, advised me. He gave me a clue that,
you know, it's possible for us that if I joined him in that private
practice, that that practice was going to go higher. And you know, and
sincerely, I left that job, sincerely.

And that was the end of it. I didn't continue with that school where I
was working. And then I came as an employee under him too.

But as we were working together, it became much more, you know, easier
to help him see where he cannot see. He's a doctor, he's busy. The
small, small details of the job, I started writing out, doing the every
other details that somebody as a secretary could do.

You know, so we were running that hospital. And of course, he needed to
have his own account. We also had, you know, something running together.

But as it is, as I'm talking to you, we have had reasons to open other
accounts. Although that central account we have is a very, very first
and the one that we run most. Sometimes we thought to ourselves that
there's a need to save some money.

And if we're, you know, we, by the time we came over this way, looking
up to God and all of that, we know, of course, that the accounts are
always almost, there's nothing there. But sometimes when there's
something there, we felt that there was something, there was also a need
to put it in another account where you don't easily access. So the issue
there is not even the duplicity of accounts or how many number of
accounts you have.

But at the end of the day, every one of us, each one of us have access,
yes, to every of these accounts and we can run it jointly. And so even
the dealings in the house, when needs arise, it depends. You could be
instructed, why don't you take it from that account or this? It doesn't
matter the name on that account.

But the fact is that both of you are the ones managing it. Praise the
Lord. Now from that, I will want to highlight the principles.

Sister Aisha has talked about openness. Did you get that? It is not that
like the so-called joint account of my mother on my wife's side and her
husband, where she will just collect her salary and give to the man and
he doesn't know how the man run it. Is that oneness in financial
accounts? So that's not what we're saying.

The woman should go and submit her salary to a man. It has to be brought
out into a common, open space. Whether it is 5 Naira that is coming in
or 5 million Naira, both of them are seen.

The first key principle of oneness in financial matters is openness.
Everybody must know what is on the table. Everybody must know what is on
ground.

Somebody should not be building a house somewhere. I was teaching this
somewhere and somebody said, ah, if you do like that, how will you be
able to give your wife a surprise gift or surprise treat? I told her, I
said, there are a thousand ways to give your wife a surprise treat.
Secrecy will destroy your oneness.

Am I making sense? My wife had a very ingenious way of doing it. My
birthday was coming, a striking birthday, and she wanted to surprise and
treat her husband. So when we sat down, which is the second principle,
is the principle of discussion.

We must discuss everything. So when we came to this discussion table one
day, she said, my dear, I want you to give me, and he mentioned this big
money. I said, for what? He said, I don't want you to ask me.

I said, but I want you to give me this money. Am I not your wife? Will I
hurt you? Will I do what is bad against you? I said, you are doing
something. What are you doing? Of course, I began to suspect that she
wanted to have an opportunity of surprising her husband.

I said, so what do you want? You promised me that this money is not
going to be used for anything that you know your husband will not agree.
I said, I promise you. So I said, well, what does it cost? I said, but
the money is too much.

He said, just give me. And she begged me so much, I was ashamed. So I
decided, it's okay.

Only for me to see that the whole of the money was spent on me. Now, if
you want to surprise your wife, surprise her like that. Surprise her,
I'm planning something for you, but trust me, that's okay.

We can do that. That's not a reason to keep private personal things that
is going to become a trouble. I see the third principle that I saw as he
spoke is the issue of agreement before spending.

Brother Peter and sister Aisha went all the way to Makuti. They price
all the curtains. What happened? They didn't buy because they didn't
agree.

Financial oneness requires agreement. If one partner has an objection,
the second partner ought to do what? To wait. Wait and pray.

Wait, discuss until there's an agreement. The fourth thing I wrote down
is equal access. Equal access.

It is not that you are the only one that is a signatory to the account.
You are the only one that has the ATM card. The alert comes into your
phone.

The P is your private, private, private property. That's not oneness.
Equal access to what material things.

Now, sister Aisha brought up a very useful angle as she spoke that this
material oneness is not only in money. Is it only money? What about when
we are buying a car? We have put all the money together to pick a car.
And when the car comes in, many things begin to happen.

So I would like you to tell us, I know you have had cars. How did you
manage landed property? How did you manage cars? Things like that that
are not money. Praise the Lord.

I think the first car, well, the principle general thing is that most of
the cars we have gotten, especially the good ones, they always carried
her name. When we get a car, I normally will give her what is the best
among them. So I put her name on it.

We don't have a car that has two names. And that was very, very
deliberate that I felt that she should take, I should be the one to
struggle with the Abruka and let her enjoy it. We had a landed property.

I think the COO was in my name, but then there was something specific
about it. The specific thing was that even while we were getting it, we
knew that we were only trustees, that this property, we're only going to
hold it in trust until God brought the real owner and we're going to
give it to the person. So I think those properties, those COOs were in
my name, but when the time came, we sat down and decided that, okay, we
believe this is the person we have been keeping this thing in trust for
and we agreed and we gave it out.

Just to add to this, what other aspect he just said. Now, when we got
married, he had always had this vision as he wanted to work as a
missionary all the while. You know, so he kept telling me and he used to
scare me that time.

He would say, well, this hospital, this thing is not my own. It's for,
I'm supposed to hand it over. He used to bring fear to me because I felt
I was, it's the way he puts it.

He used to put it was as if he was not going to live long. So I was
really scared. I was really, really afraid.

He would tell me that, well, this thing is not my own and I need to hand
it over. So he kept that by the time the time actually came. So whatever
he had that had his name was actually, I knew it was not his own.

So by the time the time came for him to really hand over these things,
there was no problem at all, twice alone. Well, I still want to say that
all that I'm doing in my marriage, I learned it in discipleship. Even
the car that my disciples were driving, they were, they're still
driving, it bore Mr. and Mrs. So when our first car came, I didn't have
any other thing to write, but then to say, Mr. and Mrs. So almost all
the things that we, I go to buy something, they say, write receipts, Mr.
and Mrs. So it was for me, it's a walkover.

So that's, that's how it has been. Well, I think one of the ways to make
the issue of having a joint account easy. When we first got married
anyway, we didn't have that kind of money that was in the bank, but we
had a place in our wardrobe where anytime any money comes from anywhere,
we just put it inside that bowl.

And then when it's time to spend, we, we bring out the bowl, see how
much is there. Just like he said, we discuss and we spend. And talking
about the issue of agreeing before spending, I learned it in a very hard
way.

You know, I was working, I was a lecturer and one at the end of a month,
you know, normally at your place of work, we buy things together and
then they share because we buy it in bulk, it becomes cheaper. So the
first time I was going to do that, we were at work and then they said,
ah, this thing we wanted to buy it. And there was no phone at that time.

So of course I was excited and I bought all of those things. I collected
them and bought them and carried it home. You know, I said, ah, see my
husband, we just collected our salary and I had not taken the salary
home.

He had not known that we had been paid this, bought this one. I bought
this one very cheap. It's like half the money.

That's how he was looking at me. After I finished, he said, but you did
not discuss with me. Is it because it is yours? I said, I know, but you
know that we have not been doing like that.

It's because I saw it cheap. He said, no, you will return every one of
these things and tell them that, sorry, you don't want to buy. I said,
ah, my husband, I've learnt.

I won't do it again. He said, no, so that you will never do it again. So
that you can learn that any time, anything that comes in belongs to the
two of us.

And we must discuss on how to spend it before we spend it. I returned
those things. I begged, I cried.

He said, no, you must learn it once and for all. Did you think I learnt
the lesson? I learnt it. I never did it again.

So that's how it is. Anything that comes belongs to the two of us and we
spend it together. And like brother Chizoba said, in our own case, now
that we have bank accounts, all our bank accounts, every property,
landed property, television, anything, even when people want to give us
things and they ask, which name should we put on it? Of course, by now
people have learnt which name should we put? Say there's no other name.

It's not even Mr. and Mrs. Adeboye because there are a thousand and one
Mr. and Mrs. Adeboye everywhere. So put Lanre and Yinka Adeboye. It's
everything.

It bears our two names. Now, talking about how we run our accounts,
there are a lot of questions. People say, okay, now that you are running
a bank account and it's bearing the two names, supposing something
happens, you have to go and be doing this one and that one.

I said no. With our accounts, what we normally say, our mandate in the
bank is that any of the two can sign. It is not the two of us must sign.

So that if one is not available, then the second one is stranded. No, it
is anyone can sign. Then the other thing that God gave us wisdom to do
is that when you want to have the accounts, they ask for phone number
that they will send alerts to.

We use my own phone number, but then we use his own email. So if anybody
takes anything, the two of us know it immediately. The alert comes to my
phone, the email goes to his own email.

So you can't even do anything without the other person knowing. So since
you know that there's no hiding place, you must discuss. That's how we
have done it.

He receives the email, I receive an alert. So and now that there's
telephone, don't tell me, supposing it's an emergency and he's not
around, wherever anybody is on the surface of this earth, you can get
the person on the phone. Say, excuse me, this emergency has come.

How do we handle it? And then we can handle it. I don't know whether
that's, so that's how we have handled it of now. So there's no, there's
no hiding, there's no secrets, there's nothing.

Everything is plain. But let me also add that when we want to spend
money, what we do practically is to sit down, to say, okay, so now that
this money is here, even if it is salary, this salary has come, this is
the end of the month. What are the things we need to do? So what we do
is, I write a list, he writes a list, we bring it together, we sit down,
we discuss.

This one is necessary because the Bible says, he that made them at the
beginning made them male and female. For most men, they don't even know
the little, little things that are needed in the home. For example, now
a new session is going to start, the father may not even remember that
the children need to buy a school bag or that they need a new uniform or
that they need anything, you know.

But the woman knows all of those things. So I write a list, he writes a
list, and then we sit down and look at it. And then he says, no, this
one can still wait.

We can suspend this one. Oh, yes. Oh, I didn't think of this one, no.

Yes, this one is. So we prioritize the combined list. So spending
together does not bring any problem.

It is, we spend on whatever we agree on and the way we agree on it. And
if there's no money, we say, no, we don't have money for this now. Let's
pray about it.

So we pray about it until it comes. All right. Praise the Lord.

Let me also add that if you are living like this, that you are yearning,
with openness, with equal access, with everything, there may be
occasions where you may not be able to immediately discuss, isn't it?
Now, the trust you have built over the years will carry you, such that
even if you spend, when you get up and say, ah, mommy, eh, I gave away
our bed before you. I'm just joking. I think I need to pray.

I thought I used to give before. Now somebody has challenged me. Praise
the Lord.

So all of these are issues already. They are already shouting time on my
head. What about business people? I was sitting with a couple just maybe
the weekend before we came up here to Boko.

The husband, both of them are business people. The husband runs a
company. The wife runs a catering company and all of that.

And they always had this problem on finances. So I sat them and said,
look, this is the word of God. You have to come and become one.

When you have businesses, separate your business accounts. I don't want
to use account. Your business is financial matters.

Business accounts should be different from our family account. Just like
ministry should be separate from family account. Don't just be putting
more hand inside the church purse and be giving your wife to go to
market.

What are you? All right. You are the one who said so. If you are running
a business, pay yourself a salary.

You are the owner of the company. Yes. Even if you want to pay yourself
five million, pay it.

But once you have paid yourself, close your eyes to the business account
so that the two of you know what is family. This is also important so
that the wife will not just keep thinking that we can always touch the
business money. If you do like that, your business will never grow.

Whether you are doing business, whether you are doing ministry, separate
your financial accounts from that of your business or that of the
church. Praise the Lord. Our time has finished.

Let me give all of us one minute. Any other thing that you think can
help us in our financial oneness that you want to put in as a last
minute. Of course, some of the things that my wife has said has handled
the issue of if the man dies.

If it is in both of your names, she has access to it. If the accounts
have already been done this way, there is access to it. All of that.

But what would be your last maybe counsel? Sisters, can you help me
counsel the sisters? Brothers, can you help me counsel the brothers?
Brother Peter, we start from you. So I will go like this so that you
will end up with me. I think if I would, I would say we have said it
before is a matter of openness.

Trust is earned as we are open and we are open to one another. We are
transparent. Today, we have a lot of things that we use passwords for.

Let's be open. Let our wives know our passwords, know our pins to
everything, know the pin to our phone. It builds the trust that I am not
hiding anything.

And like Brother Larry has said, situations may arise that you need to
respond to. And you can respond to knowing that my wife, she will
understand with me. She will not pick a quarrel.

My husband will understand. He will not pick a quarrel. But we build it
by openness and transparency in all that we do.

Praise the Lord. I think the one word I like to leave with my sisters is
the fact that this oneness in financial matters in the home is not just,
doesn't only lead to peace, it also heightens our personal relationship
with ourselves. I'm a missionary and I told myself that I may not always
have the money.

I remember, I mean, it came up to my mind when a brother was giving that
scenario about surprising your husband. We have built our personal
friendship right from the time. He's just not my husband.

He's my friend. And we're deep-spirited friends. So he will never take
anything that I do as if I want to hurt him.

A week after our marriage, our daddy was there to advise us. He gave us
three Ps. I've never forgotten.

He said we should plan, we should pray, we should play. We do the three
very well. And financial matters, oneness in our financial matters have
heightened sincerely for me, even our playing.

Because if he's grudged against me, it will not go well. You understand
what I'm talking about? It won't go well at night. I tell myself that,
look, I may not have the money for surprises, but that common sexual
relationship God has given me, I don't need to buy it.

I mean, you have free access to that. So it has helped me. Praise the
Lord.

Praise the Lord. It has. So this thing we're talking about is not just,
they said it has wonderful implications.

Praise the Lord. I think it begins with having understanding that you
are not different from another. That this is the bone of my bone and the
flesh of my flesh, so you can't hide anything from yourself.

Once that understanding is built from the onset, I think the matter of
finances, it becomes easy. If I have given myself to my wife, what else
can I not give her? Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.

What I will say is that God can be trusted and that the head of every
man is Christ. And Christ is also my father, who knows all I need to do
and because I'm going to do it for him. So he has all that it takes to
bring my husband into agreement to do that which he wants me to do.

I was reading No More To, and we came across an issue that has settled
me and decision making is no longer a struggle. I always leave it if it
will become an issue. I leave it with understanding that, in fact in
that book they said the rebellious, we live in a dry land.

So God was confronting me that a wife can be rebellious against her
husband. When the agreement is looking difficult, maybe you choose to go
your own way. I would like to advise that let's trust the Lord to talk
to our husbands and he will do it better than our struggles.

Praise the Lord. The Lord will help us in Jesus' name. I think the only
thing I just want to say is that I have discovered that this is the Word
of God and it works.

The Word of God will always work for anybody who decides to walk it. It
has worked for us, it will work for you. Maybe one other thing I want to
add is that even though we have said we discuss before we spend and we
must discuss, but just like Sir Blessing said earlier, we must remember
that the final say is still with the man because he's the head.

He's the one that gives the direction. The final say is still with him
even though there is discussion, but the Word of God, it works. Praise
the Lord.

I was watching the clappings as they were coming when Sister Aisha
mentioned sexual oneness. I suspected that the clap must be from one
man. I saw where the clap was coming from.

Praise the Lord. So, we are seeing one of the things that I want to
leave with us as a final thing is that, listen, all the various
principles, they dovetail into one. You notice that even though we are
talking about financial oneness, we are talking about submission.

Have we talked about submission? We are talking about husband loving the
wife. We are talking about trust, trusting God and leaving it to God. We
are talking about discipleship.

For me, I see that all of these principles, they dovetail into one and
anyone who wants to live a rested, godly life must be willing to accept,
to buy into and imbibe these principles. It doesn't pay you for you to
have come to a meeting like this, for you to have heard everything we
have been saying and something is still telling you that everything this
thing that they are saying is not my own, they are talking. If it is not
your own, we are talking.

I can assure you that the peace, the enjoyment, the joy that we are
testifying about today, I am sorry to inform you, is also not your own.
O taste and see that the Lord is what is good. You are going to pray
with me tonight.

Three things normally scatter marriages. One of them is what we are
talking about today. The second one sometimes is the sexual relationship
which we didn't have a chance to talk about.

But if there's also oneness, entering into the matter of sex will not be
on the bargain. It will be a result of, like our sister put it, a result
of playing together. It's the natural, normal, final point of our
playing together because we are friends, we have been working together,
our mind is one, our money is one, our decision is one, our children are
handled as one, our relatives are handled as one and we belong to one
another.

There's nothing separating us. The Lord will cause a miracle amidst us
in the name of Jesus. It's time for us to pray and I want us to bow down
our heads again as we pray tonight.

When we got married, I told my wife, I said, listen to me, money will
never be my weapon of being your husband. I will never use money to
punish you. I will never hold back money because you are misbehaving.

I want to be your husband even when there is no money in my hand. Every
husband that is here, I want you to pray and say it is not money that I
will to use the Nigerian language or Yoruba language. It's not money
that I will use to be the husband of my wife.

It's not money that will make me a husband in this house. The money in
my hand will be freely available for every family member to enjoy. Will
you commit yourself to the Lord tonight? Talk to God tonight and say
from today, if this couple's retreat does not take any other thing from
my hand, it will take this one.

I will never punish my wife with money. I will never arrange our
finances in such a way that she will be disadvantaged. From tonight, I
promise you, Lord, my wife will have full access to all our material
things.

She will never suffer in my hand. They didn't give me this woman to
punish. They gave her to me to love.

Wives that are here, can you also promise God it is not over money that
I will struggle with my husband. Money will not be the reason why we are
fighting. Like our sister said, I'm going to trust the Lord.

I'm going to trust his head. If he cheats me, his head will handle him.
Will you make up your mind tonight and say in all the areas of oneness,
sister, can you promise the Lord tonight that thing that no other woman
can give my husband, I promise I will not use it to defraud him.

He will have free access into every aspect of my life. Finally, can we
talk to God? Openness, discussion, agreement, trust, access, all of
these principles, they are going to come into our financial discussion
from tonight. Can you promise the Lord? Yes, from now on, these
principles are going to come into play.

Thank you, our father. I'm going to ask our brother to pray for us as we
close this session. Our father, we thank you for sending your word to
us.

We just want to ask, oh God, that you will cause your word to mix with
faith in our hearts. Lord, we just want to beg you that beyond what we
have discussed, you will engage your people on these matters. Please
show us this mercy.

Everyone, anybody that is in this place that is still struggling with
your word, thinking that this is not for him or for her, we ask, oh God,
that you will do a surgery work in the heart of that person. We want to
beg you that the peace that we have enjoyed over the years in our
marriage, Lord God Almighty, you will cause your people to also be open
to you in order to enter into this rest in the name of Jesus Christ.
Lord, you said that if we are willing and obedient, we will eat the
fruits of the land.

Lord, we beg you that you will grant your children an obedient heart so
that the fruits of obedience, the fruits of peace, the fruit of rest,
the fruit of joy. Lord, that you have ordained for us even a marriage.
Lord, as your people go out from here, we ask that you will enter into
it as they will obey you in the name of Jesus Christ.

Please be magnified. Blessed be thy name, Lord. We just want to beg you
that you will give wings to your word, even to the ears and the heart of
your people.

Blessed be thy name, Father, because we are prayed with thanksgiving in
Jesus name. Amen.

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Source: https://sermonindex.net/speakers/gbile-akanni/implications-of-oneness-in-marriage/
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