======================================================================== A GODLY CHRISTIAN HOME by Zac Poonen ======================================================================== Summary: This sermon emphasizes the importance of unity, obedience, and discipline in marriages and parenting. It highlights the need for mutual respect, love, and spiritual connection between husbands and wives, as well as the significance of training children in obedience and truthfulness. The speaker encourages seeking the Holy Spirit's guidance in all family relationships and stresses the power of prayer in restoring and nurturing godly homes. Topics: "Unity in Family", "Spiritual Guidance in Parenting" Scripture References: 2 Corinthians 6:14, Ephesians 5:22, Proverbs 22:6, Proverbs 22:15, John 8:44, Ephesians 5:18, Ephesians 6:1 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ DESCRIPTION ------------------------------------------------------------------------ This sermon emphasizes the importance of unity, obedience, and discipline in marriages and parenting. It highlights the need for mutual respect, love, and spiritual connection between husbands and wives, as well as the significance of training children in obedience and truthfulness. The speaker encourages seeking the Holy Spirit's guidance in all family relationships and stresses the power of prayer in restoring and nurturing godly homes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ CONTENT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ So since we permitted the unmarried young people also to be here at this married couples meeting, I must begin with a word of encouragement and hope to some of those lonely people wondering who when will I get married. It's very very important for you young people to remember one verse of scripture 2nd Corinthians and chapter 6 verse 14 do not be unequally yoked or bound together with unbelievers because what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness, what fellowship has light with darkness. The Bible speaks about believers and unbelievers. The Bible speaks about light and darkness. There are children of light, there are children of darkness, there are believers and unbelievers and although we don't like to look down on anyone, we have to face the fact that there is such a thing as being born again. There is being born into the world and you all know what that means but then Jesus spoke about being born again. It's a second birth, a new birth which is a spiritual one which takes place only when a person has, now get me right, not that they accept Christ first, they repent first and then receive Christ as their Lord. You cannot receive Christ as Lord of your life if self is already Lord in your life. You cannot have two Lords sitting on the same throne. You have to get self to vacate that throne and let Christ come and be Lord. That is the meaning of repentance, turning around. So when you get married make sure the other person is a born-again Christian. I've seen enough marriages in my life which are an absolute mess because they made that wrong choice. Now if you're already married and then you later on receive Christ, then you have to have hope that God will bring your partner also to Christ one day. But if you're unmarried you have the opportunity to make your choice now. You know though we don't like to admit it, the fact remains that the Bible says, I want to quote the scripture so that you don't think this is Zak Bonin's ideas. It says in one John, listen to this verse, 1 John 3, it speaks of those who are born of God and those who are not born of God. In 1 John 3 verse 9, one who is born of God does not keep on practicing sin. But then see verse 10, 1 John chapter 3 verse 10, he says there are children of God and children of the devil. Like this you can make out the difference. One who does not practice righteousness is not of God. One who does not love his brother is not of God. So there are children of God and children of the devil. I don't like to go to anybody and say you're a child of the devil. That's not my business. That's God's business. He decides that. But when we are born into this world, we are not children of God. We are children of our earthly parents and we have got this evil nature. As we grow up, we are living like children of the devil. That means we practice all the characteristics of the devil like hatred and bitterness and murmuring and grumbling and pride and arrogance and everything the devil has, our children have as they grow up and then we have to be born again. It doesn't mean we change overnight but our attitude towards God changes. Our attitude towards the devil changes. So we become children of God. So that's why the Bible says there are children of God and children of the devil. Now you young people who are considering marriage must remember that. Okay, very simple question which you must answer. If a child of God marries a child of the devil, who will his father-in-law be? Is that a tough one? If a child of God marries a child of the devil, who will be his father-in-law? Okay, you don't want to say it but you know what it is. And you cannot stop your father-in-law from regularly visiting your home. Can you? No. That is why I say be careful before you get married. Don't go only by looks, money, position. Those things will not produce a lasting happy marriage. I'm not saying they are unimportant but they are not primary. Man is spirit, soul and body. Spirit is more important and marriage is first of all a union in the spirit of two people who love Jesus Christ who come together and then only a union of mind and body. The spirit must come first. So that's the most important advice I give to young people who are not yet married here. And there are two books on that bookstall that I wrote. I wrote them 50 years ago and I would never change my mind on anything I've written there. One is Finding God's Will, little booklet. And another little book called Sex, Love and Marriage the Christian Approach. In India, in all of our churches, we recommend that every young person reads that. We have it translated into many Indian languages because we want our young people to get into godly marriages. I would encourage you, it won't take you long to read those two books, booklets. Read them. It tells you how to find your life partner. It tells you how to find the will of God. So it will help you greatly. So having said that, let me talk about to married people here. First of all remember that God is the one who instituted marriage. It was not your idea. It was not any man's idea. And the reason why God arranged a wife for Adam. We got to see that. Let's start from the beginning. Genesis 2 and verse 18. What did he say there? It's not good for man to be alone. So I will make him a helper. Genesis 2.18, suitable for him. What did God say? This man must have children. So let's make him a wife. No. Some people get married to have children. Ok, that's ok. But that's not, I'm sorry to say, that is the reason some people get married. But that's not the primary reason. It's not good for a man or a woman to be alone. And the opposite of that is fellowship. So the primary purpose of marriage is fellowship. If the fellowship between you and your wife or husband is increasing, then you are fulfilling the primary purpose of marriage. If you just have children, any useless person in the world can have children. That's not a great thing. Primary purpose is not good for a man to be alone. And today I would say it's not good for a woman to be alone. And God, the thing is, I will make him a helper suited for him. That means someone who's got a similar view and outlook in life and same value system, suited for you. So God wants you to have identical goals in your life, spiritually. Now there is also the purpose of, in God wants us to have children, which is also mentioned in the beginning of the Bible, Genesis 1 verse 26, sorry, 28, Genesis 1, 28. God blessed them and said to them, husband and wife, be fruitful and multiply. So he was saying you must have children. He wanted them to have children. That is the second purpose of marriage, not the first one. After he said there shouldn't be alone, come together, then he said be fruitful and multiply, have children. So that is the second purpose of marriage. And it was God who instituted the sexual function in man and woman, through which men and women are drawn to each other. It's absolutely normal to be drawn to someone of the opposite sex. And it's completely abnormal to be drawn to somebody of the same sex. There are abnormal people in the world. I don't know, I don't have anything to say to them. But marriage is between a man and a woman. And this attraction, this sexual attraction is normal. It comes up in a boy or a girl when they are 14, 15 years old. And we have to teach our children, it's normal. But you got to keep that under control and direct it in such a way that, because you're not going to get married for another 10 years, so you got to keep it under control till you get married. But once you are married, the sexual function between man and woman is perfectly normal. But one has to be very careful that it is under control. Let me say a word about that as well. In 1 Corinthians, see the Bible is very plain about everything, about husband and wife loving one another, about having children, and about the sexual function. So let me mention a word about the sexual function in 1 Corinthians 7, because very few people speak about that much. 1 Corinthians 7, it says here, the sexual function between a husband and wife is called a duty. Verse 3, the husband must fulfill his duty to his wife. And likewise the wife must fulfill her duty to her husband. Because the wife does not have authority over her own body, the husband has. And the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. And therefore, stop depriving one another sexually, except maybe for a time of fasting. Like you can fast from food for a meal or two meals. You can fast from sex for a short period of time. But the purpose should be so that you can devote yourself to prayer. And then you must come together again, verse 5, otherwise Satan will tempt you because of your lack of self-control. So we see there that the sexual function between man and woman is something God has given to help the man particularly to avoid temptation. So a woman must not open up her husband to temptation by not fulfilling her duty in this area. It's a duty. Many women recognize their duty as mothers to their children. Oh, it is my duty to feed my children, clothe my children. But they don't recognize their duty to their wives, to their husbands in this area. Because the woman does not desire sex as much as the man, so she doesn't often realize that it is a duty to her husband in whom God has placed a far greater desire for this than in the woman. But what I want to say here is, sometimes the husband recognizes what it says in the first part of that verse 4, the wife does not have authority over her own body. A wife cannot say to her husband, you got no right to touch my body. If that is the case, you should not have got married. I say to every woman who has that attitude to her husband, you should never have got married. The moment you get married, you lose authority over your own body. It belongs to your husband. I'm not saying that a husband should be thoughtless and ignoring his wife's aches and pains and tiredness. No, he must be considerate. But then the other part is, it says the husband doesn't have authority over his own body, verse 4, but the wife does. What does that mean? I mean, if you tell a husband that means you should be ready to have sex with your wife anytime, he'll say, I'm ready all the time. That's not what it means. You don't have authority over your body. That means, listen carefully husbands, your wife has authority over your eyes. Not over your sexual function, which you are eager to offer her, but over your eyes. When you go to work, when you walk down the road, when you're sitting at your computer, tempted to watch pornography, remember the husband does not have authority over his own body. At that moment, your wife is not there, but she has authority over your body. And just like you tell your wife that you have authority over her body to give you her sexual function, she has authority over your body to control your eyes. Are you recognizing, you are so eager to have authority over your wife's body, are you equally eager for your wife to have authority over your body, that you allow her to control your eyes, determine what you look at and whom you look at, and not only whom you look at, how you talk to people in your office, or in a place where your wife is not present. There are so many men who talk so flippantly and jovially with girls and women in their office. Okay, that's all right, but I say, ask yourself, if your wife walked in at that moment, would you continue in this talking in the same way to that woman, or would you suddenly become serious, then you know you're talking in a wrong way. There are many men who would never be sexually unfaithful to their wife, but who are unfaithful in the way they speak to other women. They are not faithful. If their wife was standing next to them, they would not speak like that. They would not smile like that. But because their wife is not there, they think they have authority over their own body. So remember husbands, as much as you want, you have authority over your wife's body, be fair. Your wife has authority over your body. Now, only God sees what you do, but if you're going to be unfaithful to your wife in areas where she does not want you, I would seriously question whether you're a Christian at all. And I would say to you, my dear brother, you need to be born again. Yes, you may say you're born again, but I don't think you've taken sin seriously in your life. You need to be born again properly. And if you're born again, you're probably a backslider. You may be filled with the Holy Spirit. Do you know what is the most important requirement to be a good wife or a good husband? I know all the psychology books and all the books on marriage tell you something else, but let me tell you what the Bible says. Ephesians in chapter 5. Ephesians chapter 5, it says, wives, verse 22, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. And just like the church is subject to Christ, verse 24, Ephesians 5, the wives must be to their husbands in everything. Okay, good. But then, the husbands must love their wives like Christ loved the church. So there's something very important I want to say to you. Husbands must not quote verse 22 to their wives. Because verse 22 is not written for the husband. Verse 22 is written for the wife. And you know that you should not be reading other people's letters. You know that. If a letter is written for somebody else, let that person read it. It's not for you. So you should not be reading, wives be subject to their husbands. That's for her to read. Let her read it. If she doesn't read it, she's answerable to God. But there is a letter written for you, husbands. What is that? Verse 25, love your wives as Christ loved the church. So when a husband tells his wife, you must be subject to me because the Bible says, he's reading somebody else's letter. That's a crime. Or when the wife says, but you must love me like Christ loved the church, she's also reading somebody else's letter. Each person must read what God has written to them. It's a tremendous tendency in us to read what God's written to somebody else. So very important. Husbands, stick to what God told you. Love your wife as Christ loved the church. None of us can do it perfectly. I want to ask you, are you aiming towards it? I don't believe I love my wife today as much as Christ loved the church. That's such a huge, it's Mount Everest. It's a huge standard to reach. Not only Mount Everest, it's like heaven. But I'll tell you this, it's a lot better than it was when I first got married 51 years ago. It's a lot better than I hope, than it was two years ago. I'm climbing this mountain of love your wife as Christ loved the church. Deny yourself and love your wife as Christ loved the church. It's a mountain to climb and I'm slowly moving up. Likewise, don't don't get discouraged if you haven't reached there. But look at the example of Jesus Christ who laid down his life for his church, his bride. And every area of that. Like he washed the feet of his disciples. I must be willing to wash the feet of my wife. Means not physically, the feet may not be dirty. Then why should I wash that? What it means is, in those days everybody's feet was dirty. They used to wear slippers and sandals and walk on dirty roads. And as soon as they entered a house, their feet were dirty. The most important need for them was to wash their feet. So I need to see in today's terms, the meaning is, what is the important need my wife has? Let me do that. Let me help her in cleaning up something which she is normally supposed to clean up. Maybe the bathroom, maybe the restroom, maybe the toilet, maybe the kitchen sink or whatever it is. Let me help do on the floor. Let me help whatever I can. And more than that, is there any dirty job I can do? Maybe change the children's diapers or anything where I can help my wife. That's washing the feet. And I think it's very often, husbands can neglect that. Because they think I'm the leader here, I'm the head. But remember the head, the greatest head was Jesus Christ. And he got down to the feet of his disciples and washed their dirty feet. That is Christ loving the Church, loving the husband, loving the wife as Christ loved the Church. In the same way, wife being subject to their husband, the question comes, what if my husband is disobedient to the Word of God? See, it says in 1 Peter chapter 3, what should a wife do if her husband is disobedient to God's Word? It's written here, 1 Peter 3 verse 1, you wives, be submissive to your husbands, even if they are disobedient to the Word of God. Because you can win your husband, who's unconverted, by your behavior. Now we have thought that we can win people only by preaching. No, it says here, you can win your husband without preaching, by your behavior, as they observe your pure and respectful behavior. You can win your husband by your respectful behavior. That is something that wives need to take heed to. Turn back to Ephesians 5, I want to show you something there. What the Bible says, a husband needs most, and what a wife needs most. You say that what a husband needs most is sex. Wrong. That is maybe second. But what a husband needs most from his wife. I mean, sex, he can go to a prostitute and get it. Of course he shouldn't, but that's not something only his wife can give. But what is a man, what is a man, what should a wife give to her husband? Listen to this, Ephesians 5 33, the last part. The wife must see to it that she respects her husband. The most important thing a wife needs to give to her husband is respect. You are my head. God has appointed you as the head of my home. You're not perfect, darling, but you're still my head, and I respect you as my head. You're not respecting him because he's perfect, or he's clever, or intelligent, or handsome. No. You're respecting him because you chose him one day to be your husband. Yours was not a shotgun wedding, saying marry him. No. You chose him voluntarily. You put the ring on his finger, or whatever it is, and said, you're my husband. Well, then that day you decided, you're my head, I respect you. And I want to say to all of you sisters here who are married, ask yourself this question. Do you respect your husband? Don't answer that to me. And you husbands, don't ask your wife that. The wife answers that to God. Okay. What does the wife need most from her husband? Let me tell you, not flowers. That's easy. You just need to have money to get flowers, or gifts. Something a million times more difficult than getting flowers. It's in the same verse, Ephesians 5.33. Husbands, love your wife as you love yourself. It says in verse 21, 29, nobody hated himself. Do you hate your own body? Do you do anything, have you ever done anything to hurt your own body? Never. You care for your body. And it says here in verse 28, husbands must love their wife like they love their body. So if the wife must respect her husband, the husband must love his wife. And when you say the head, you know in the world we use the word head in two ways. Head of the government, head of the department, or head of the body. And what is the difference between the head of this body, and a head of department, or the head of the country? The head of the department may not have any care for your feelings. This job has to be done. And I don't care whether you're lazy, or you're sleepy, or you've got to get this job done by tomorrow morning. And if you don't do it, you'll be fired. Head of the department is very strict, you've got to get the job done. The head of the body is a little different. The head of the body commands the parts of the body to do things. You see for example in the playing of a piano, every finger and four feet and eyes and ears all functioning together, all listening to the head. But there's another thing the head does. If you get a little injury on your small teeny weeny injury on your hand, immediately the head does the other hand, go and do something about it. Go and put some medicine there, put a band-aid there or something. Even if an ant bites it, or a mosquito comes and stings you, immediately the head does the other hand, knock away that mosquito. That is the care that the head has for his body. Then even a small mosquito sitting there, he does the other hand, get rid of that. I don't want the body to suffer. A husband must care for his wife like that. That's love. None of us do it perfectly. I'll tell you nobody does it perfectly. But I'm just trying to tell you what head means. Head means not only one who controls the body, but one who has a care for the body. So what does a wife have to do? Respect her husband as her head, as the authority in her home. Even if he doesn't obey the word, be subject to him. If he tells you to do something contrary to the Word of God, then you have to say, my darling, I love you, I respect you, you're my head, but I also recognize that there's another head over you, and that is God. So I'm under his authority and what you're telling me to do right now is against what God has told me to do in the Bible. So though I love you very much, I can't do that. If he tells you to bow down to an idol, or to tell a lie, or to sign a false statement, or do something which is, you know that God will be displeased with you, then you have to say lovingly, not in an arrogant way, but in a loving, submissive way, darling, I can't do that because my God does not permit me in our conscience to do that. I'm willing to do anything which my conscience will permit me. So I mention that because we come across many cases, particularly in my country, where the husband may be from a non-christian religion, then sometimes he worships idols, and he may want his wife to worship an idol, he has to say, she has to say no. So respect for a husband does not mean that you disobey God's Word, no. And loving your wife does not mean that you allow her to become the boss in your house, no. So we have to be very careful in this, that we don't carry something to an extreme. There's a balance in the Word of God, and it's a beautiful thing when we realize that the relationship between Christ and the Church is described here. It says, verse 31 and 32, a man must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two become one. This mystery is great, and you think it's only about sex, the two becoming one flesh, no. There's more to it. I'm speaking about Christ and the Church, where there's no sexual relationship. The relationship between Christ and the Church is spiritual. And he's saying, just like in the world, man and a woman are one flesh sexually, Christ and the Church are one spiritually, and you must make that your example in your relationship with your wife. So there's a need for a spiritual union between husband and wife more and more. You get married, there may not be much of a spiritual union. In the first day of marriage, you only think of sexual union, but you must work towards an increasing spiritual unity between both of you. And it requires work. It requires work. They say in the world that even for a good sexual relationship, it requires experience and work. In the same way, a spiritual relationship between husband and wife, it requires a lot more. But that's very important. And if you neglect that spiritual dimension of your marriage, you descend to the level of the animals. What's the difference between sex among animals and sex between husband and wife? Physically, it looks about the same. The result is also the same, children being born. But in the unity of a husband and wife, there's a lot of difference between a male and a female dog having a little puppy. It's much more than that. There's a spiritual union which no animal has in their sexual relationship. So if your sexual relationship does not have a spiritual, if your unity union with your wife and husband does not have a spiritual dimension, but is only physical, and you say but I care for my children too. Well, that mother dog and the mother lion cares for their little cubs and puppies. So that's not special that you care for the little ones. Even animals do that. It has got to be more than that. It's something which animals don't have, a spiritual unity between you and your partner. Most important. That's the thing that will preserve your marriage. That's why you need to pray together. There's a saying that the family that prays together stays together. But prays together meaningfully. You can go through a ritual of prayer and accomplish nothing. I believe a family must pray together and play together as well. I believe husbands and wives and fathers and children must learn to play with each other as much as they pray with each other. And then they stay together. So I add the family that prays together stays together. The family plays together also. The family that prays and plays together. You know some people are so serious they never play with their children. Some husbands are so serious they never joke with their wives and the wives never joke with their husbands. You know I have through the years observing Christians and husbands and wives. I've come to a conclusion. I can't give you a verse in the Bible for it. But from 60 years of experience as a believer having dealt with numerous married couples and counseling and all that. And relationship between brothers between sisters. I've come to the conclusion is of this answer to this question. What is the test of a good relationship between brother and brother between sister and sister or between husband and wife. It is not that they go to church together. Because they can go to church together and go home and fight. It's not that they pray together early in the morning or they have family prayer together or read the Bible together. You know what it is? It is that they can joke with one another. If you cannot joke with your wife I'll tell you you do not have a good relationship with her. If you cannot joke with your husband you do not have a good relationship with him. Whatever you may say. Because I'll give you a proof of it. Forget the husband wife now. Think of a brother with him. Brother and a brother. Supposing you're having a tension with a brother in your church. Can you read the Bible with him? Sure. Can you go to church with him? Yes. Can you kneel down and pray with him? Yes. But will you joke with him? No. Because you don't have a good relationship. If you don't believe me test it out. Tell me someone you've got a very strained relationship with. Ask yourself whether you will. Okay see in your marriage when you and your husband had a or you and your wife had a fight. You'll still pray together. You'll go through your ritual of family prayer but you will not be joking with each other at that time. What does that prove? That is the test of your relationship. At least I use that as my test for myself. I want to be able to joke with my wife even when I'm a hundred years old. Why not? I want to have a good relationship with my wife always and even with my children. Have a good relationship with my children. I don't make fun of them in my jokes. I can say things that make me the object of the joke. Myself. You not humiliate someone. You must never humiliate a person with a joke that making fun of your wife. That's not a joke. That's an insult. So please keep that in mind. God wants us to be happy together. You say can you give me one example of Jesus joking with his disciples. Okay. You got to read between the lines here. Don't just read the words but try and try and picture this in your mind. If you picture something when you read it you'll get it. Turn to John chapter 21. This is the time when Peter and the other disciples went fishing. And you know the story. It says the whole night verse John 21 3 they caught nothing. Now my question is Jesus had risen from the dead. He knows everything. Did he know that they went fishing. Yes or no. Yes or no. Yes. Did he know that they caught nothing. Yes. But he has a sense of humor. Okay you guys went fishing is it. Verse 5. Well fellas did you catch any fish. I can see a smile on his face when he says that. That's where I see a sense of humor even after his resurrection showing that there'll be humor in heaven. I believe that. Because this is not before his resurrection. This is after his resurrection. I think heaven would be a boring place if you don't have any humor there. I'm gonna enjoy heaven because there'll be a lot of humor. Because humor is a very clean thing. The devil has misused it in the world with sexual humor and dirty jokes and all this that humor that hurts other people. No. There is clean heavenly humor. And I want to practice that on earth before I go to heaven. And this is what I see in Jesus. Hey did you guys catch some fish. You went catching. You wanted to catch fish right. Did you get any last night. No. Okay cast your net on the right side. You'll get plenty. So my dear brothers and sisters have that good relationship with your wife and ask yourself. I'm not saying you should be cracking jokes morning till night and then you should join the circus and become a clown. The circus clown or something like that. You're in the wrong job. I don't mean that. What I mean is do you have an attitude where you can see something funny in the ordinary things of life and laugh. Very very important. Laughing was not invented by the devil. It was a gift God has given man to laugh and joke and be happy together. It's a very good test of a happy relationship with people. It's very important to bear that in mind. For unity between a husband and wife. How did God bring unity between him and myself. That's that's the example always. Always the example is God, Christ and me. When Jesus wanted to become one with me and I was the troublemaker here. He was perfect. I was the troublemaker. Who took the first step? The troublemaker or the one who caused no trouble at all? Jesus. So I ask this question. When a husband and wife have a tension and that can happen in every marriage. Sometimes through misunderstanding. Very often through misunderstanding. Sometimes unfortunately deliberately. Okay there's a tension. Who should take the first step towards restoration of that fellowship? Very important question. The husband says I am the head of the home. I don't stoop to these things. Let her humble herself and come to restore fellowship with me. And the wife says I'm not going to humiliate myself. Let my husband, if he's the head of the home, let him come and restore relationship because after all he's the head. What's the answer? The answer is in the relationship between Christ and me. Who took the first step? The one who was more spiritual. Who took the first step? The one who was more spiritual. Christ was more spiritual than me. He took the first step to restore relationships with me. And when you have a tension, husband or wife, tension, who should take the first step? Not husband, not wife, whoever is more spiritual. And usually when a tension happens, both people think they are the spiritual ones. Then they should be running into each other's arms to restore relationship. Why not? If you believe you're more spiritual and the fault is with the other person, then you should take the first step to restore that relationship. So I hope that will solve all your problems for the next till Jesus comes in your married relationship. No, the Bible is very practical. Always if you look at Jesus as your example, you'll get an answer to almost every situation. I found that in many many situations. For example, if you're watching a television program and you ask yourself, if Jesus were here, will he sit and watch that program with me? He may say, listen, that's not a type of program we should be watching. Let's turn it off. Or if he feels you're too stubborn a person, he'll say, excuse me, I'd like to leave. And he'll quietly get up and go away, so you can sit and watch that program on your own. That'll be tragic. Never get involved in any activity, husband and wife, in which Jesus cannot support you in. Everything you do together, Jesus must approve of it. You pray, for example, before you eat food. How many of you, husbands and wives, believe? Listen carefully, that you can pray to Jesus before you have sex with each other. You say, oh no, we don't pray about that. Why? Because sex is a dirty thing, right? Where did you get that idea? From the movies. You've been watching too many movies. That's why you got the idea that sex is a dirty thing. When God created sex in the beginning, do you know what the Bible says? He looked at everything that he created and he saw it was what? Very good. Last verse of Genesis 1. Was sex included in that? Yes, because he told them be fruitful and multiply. What did he mean? Did he say shake hands and multiply? No. He was telling them have sex and multiply. And he said it was very good. It's one of the first things he told that married couple. You guys must have sex and multiply and have children. And he saw it was very good. It is not a dirty thing. Unfortunately, so many Christians, their mind is so polluted by the movies that they think of sex as a dirty thing. You need to change your way of thinking and see it from God's point of view. Holy. If you're thinking of another woman, it's demonic. You should not be thinking of another woman when you have sex with your wife. Evil, demonic, filthy, repent of it. Ask God to forgive you and repent of it. Otherwise, you'll never be a serious Christian. Many people are careless in these areas of that thought life. So I believe in holding up the highest standards of sex in marriage. But I also spot on which he dies. Got it? There's a cross on which you die. So the wife in her relationship with her husband must die on a cross. And the husband in his relationship with his wife must die on a cross. Each must die on a cross to themselves. I am crucified with Christ. Not I'm going to crucify him or crucify her. Then you'll be like the Romans who crucified Christ. No, Christ gave himself to be crucified. I give myself to be crucified in my relationship with my wife. So that he can be one with me. So there must be a cross in the relationship between husband and wife for it to become more and more like a divine plan for marriage. Brothers and sisters, if we follow these simple principles, I believe all of us can have wonderful marriages. One more thing about bringing up children. It's very important that husband and wife have unity of purpose in the way we seek to bring up our children. We want to bring up our children for the glory of God. And the best thing you can do to bring up your children is to love your wife. And to love your husband. Because when they see that, that Jesus is in our home, those children will want a life like that for themselves. It's not by what you preach to your children, but the way you manifest Christ in your mutual relationship by forgiving, caring for one another, overlooking little mistakes, not yelling at each other. There can be disagreements with a husband and wife, but I say don't let your children listen to those disagreements. Go alone into a room and discuss those things privately. Don't let your children ever hear publicly you're yelling at each other or this disagreement. That should not take place. Even when you have tensions, try and resolve them outside of the presence of your children. It's not good for them to hear. It's good for them to see the unity there is between their parents. It's very, very important. And I want to say one more thing about raising the children and that's in Proverbs 22. It's a very important verse. In Proverbs 22 it says, verse 6, train up a child in the way he should go and when he's old he will not depart from it. Don't wait till your children have grown up before you try to teach them obedience. Start teaching them obedience. Start teaching them obedience from the time they are one year old. When at one year old, though they can't understand the English language, there is one word of the English language that they all understand. It's the word know. I've discovered that. Even one year old children can understand the word know. When they're going to do something and you say know, they look at you and they know that from your look. Even though they don't understand English, they know what you mean. And you do that two, three times, they understand the word know. And there are certain things in the house that are know. But that should not be the only thing. Children should not be only hearing know, know, know, know, know, know. There must be some yes things also in the house so that they realize the house is a place where they can enjoy themselves. And that means, it's not such a negative attitude we have, but we must teach our children discipline from a very young age. One of the most important things, Jesus said, the Bible says God's given only one commandment to children. Children, obey your parents. Honor your father and mother. No other commandment. So what is the first thing you're going to teach your children? Obey your parents. Disobedience must be taken very seriously. I'm not saying that we've got to spank them for every disobedience, but there are various ways in which we can punish your children. For example, if it's time for them to go to play and they've not been obedient, you don't have to spank them. I used to tell my children, go and lie down on your bed for the next half an hour. Your other brothers and sisters can go and play, but you lie down in bed for half an hour. That's also a form of punishment. Or go and sit in that corner and face the wall for half an hour. And spanking is not the last resort. Nothing else is working. But if you train your child from the age of one to instant obedience, even in small things, obey, it'll be much easier to get them to obey when they are older. But if you're lenient and lax with them, say okay, they are only little children. They are only little children, but you know what the Bible says about little children? These sweet little innocent darlings you have. Let me show you what the Bible says about your innocent darlings in Proverbs 22 verse 15. Proverbs 22 verse 15. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. So what does your child have in his innocent little heart? Foolishness. How can you drive it far from him? By a little rod. I believe the Lord has put a lot of flesh on the backside so that the body is not hurt when you use the rod. And there's a very intimate connection between that backside and the heart of the child. If you don't believe it, you try it. The rod to the backside removes foolishness from the heart. It's amazing how it springs out pretty quickly. It pops out when the rod is applied to the backside. It's an instant connection between there to the heart. But if you try it when they are 15, 16 years old, it's too late. You have to start when they are very young. And it'll be easier for you to start when they are young. Recognize my lovely darling has got foolishness in his heart or her heart. God has put me as a parent to somehow drive it out. Lord give me wisdom. With all the good things you do for the child and love and care and kisses and huggings. Yeah, we need to do that. I believe we must kiss and hug our children even when they are grown up. Don't stop doing that when they are 15 or 16. Keep doing it just like you do it. But along with all that affection and care and the sacrifices we make for our children, don't forget discipline. Teach them obedience. There were only two things I wanted to emphasize with my own children. Obey your parents. Respect them. Secondly, never tell me a lie. I don't care what you broke in the house, but don't tell me a lie. I was never disturbed if my children turned the chairs this way or that way and toppled the place and made that playroom all messy. It didn't bother me. A lot of people are concerned with all that. Yeah, yeah, keep everything in place. Good. I'm not against that, but what concerned me was if they told me a lie. That was a million times more serious than messing up their room. A lie. The devil is the father of lies. Jesus said in John chapter 8 verse 44. And I don't want my children to become children of the devil. And he's the father of lies. And here, my child yielded his tongue to the devil to tell me a lie. I'm not going to tolerate that. Two things. Obedience to parents and respect for them. And secondly, never to tell a lie. These are the most important things we must teach our children. And if any of you have failed starting that discipline at the age of one, don't get discouraged. Don't give up. You still got your children at home. There's hope. But go to God and say, Lord, I'm sorry, I didn't take this seriously earlier on. But I've woken up now. Will you please overlook my times of ignorance? I've repented now. And please help me now. I'm going to take seriously this matter of bringing up my children to be children of God, obedient to you and obedient to their parents. They learn obedience to God but first by learning obedience to the parents. So please take this seriously. And I believe there's hope even if your children have run away from home and become wayward. Some of you mature parents here, if your children have become wayward, there's hope even for you if you pray for them. Prayer is like a rope you tie around your children. There's a lot of lax looseness in that rope. They can run a long distance but one day that rope will become tight and you can pull them in by prayer and they'll come into God's kingdom. I can tell you that. If you pray for them regularly, every day, husband and wife, kneel down and pray for your children by name. If they have gone astray from the Lord, they will come back. God answers prayer. Let's have that faith. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, you know how much the devil is attacking families around the world these days. In homes, in schools, in movies, in the media and all over the place. We want our families to be preserved in the church. We want godly homes. We want godly children and we know that things don't come automatically. Please help us Lord. We pray you'll help us to be filled with the Holy Spirit so that we can be the type of husband and wives that we should be and the type of parents we should be. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Oh yes, there's one thing I forgot to mention. One verse. Let me just show you that quickly before we part. And that is this whole section on husbands, wives, parents and children. You know where that is in Ephesians 5 and Ephesians 6. Begins with one introductory sentence. Wives and husbands, Ephesians 5.22. Husbands and wives, verse 25. Parents and children, chapter 6, verse 1 to 4. Where does it begin? With one sentence, Ephesians 5.18. Be filled with the Holy Spirit. That's the introduction. Be filled with the Holy Spirit and then wives be like this, husbands be like this, parents be like this. So that's what I wanted to show you. So seek God to be filled with the Holy Spirit, to be a spirit-filled husband, spirit-filled wife and spirit-filled parent. God bless you all. ======================================================================== Video: https://sermonindex2.b-cdn.net/R1v3VPjGz4M.mp4 Source: https://sermonindex.net/speakers/zac-poonen/a-godly-christian-home/ ========================================================================