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  BEING A CHRISTLIKE HUSBAND
  by Zac Poonen
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Summary: This sermon emphasizes the importance of being a responsible
husband, focusing on acting like men in various aspects of life,
including relationships, work, and church. It highlights the need for
men to lead with strength and righteousness, addressing the tendency for
men to act contrary to scriptural principles. The sermon also touches on
the roles of men and women in marriage, emphasizing the need for men to
lead with love, patience, and understanding, while also addressing the
challenges and pressures faced by wives in balancing various
responsibilities.

Duration: 1:29:51 Topics: "Responsible Leadership", "Marriage Roles"
Scripture References: 1 Corinthians 16:13, 1 Corinthians 11:3, 1 Corinthians 11:7, 1 Timothy 2:12, Romans 8:13, Matthew 5:4

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DESCRIPTION
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This sermon emphasizes the importance of being a responsible husband,
focusing on acting like men in various aspects of life, including
relationships, work, and church. It highlights the need for men to lead
with strength and righteousness, addressing the tendency for men to act
contrary to scriptural principles. The sermon also touches on the roles
of men and women in marriage, emphasizing the need for men to lead with
love, patience, and understanding, while also addressing the challenges
and pressures faced by wives in balancing various responsibilities.

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CONTENT
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Today, in the first of the four sessions, I want to think of our
responsibility as husbands, speaking primarily to married people, being
those who are not yet married, you can be prepared for it and be ready
for it for that day. So, I'd like to begin with the verse in 1
Corinthians 16 and verse 13, where it says, be on the alert and stand
firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. That's a very important
word, act like men in every situation.

We have to act like men in our relationship with our wives, we've got to
act like men in our relationship with our children, we've got to act
like men in our workplace and also in the church. Now, whenever there's
an exhortation like that in scripture, it means there's a tendency for a
man to act like a woman. I'm not talking about this transgender rubbish,
I'm talking about being effeminate, a man not acting like a man, a man
should be a leader.

I've come across a number of cases where even some elders who, it's very
obvious when you fellowship with them or listen to them, they're just
weaklings and the wife is the boss in the home. Now, that's completely
contrary to scripture. However gifted the wife may be in 101 things, the
man is the head of the home.

And in 1 Corinthians in chapter 11, there's some amazing words said
about the man. 1 Corinthians 11, he says to the Corinthians, I want you
to understand, verse 3, Christ is the head of every man and man is the
head of woman, God is the head of Christ. Now, God and Christ are equal,
you know, the Trinity, they are equally God.

So in that sense, man and woman are equal. But yet, it says God is the
head of Christ, the father, Christ submits to the father. In the same
way, it says, the woman submits to the man and the man must be the head
of the woman in the same way.

And then he goes on to say something even more. In verse 7, he says, the
reason why a man does not cover his head is because he is the image and
glory of God. And the glory of God must not be covered in the church.

That's why we don't cover our heads. I believe that more than 90% of men
don't even know why they don't cover their heads. And it's so plainly
written there.

And yet, there are people who read the scriptures, who, if you ask them,
why don't you cover your head? They don't know the reason. To me, that
indicates how casually people read the scriptures. I mean, you can ask
yourself whether you knew the answer to that before you heard it in the
church.

It was in your Bible. And the woman is the glory of the man. The glory
of man must be covered in the church, and that's why she covers her
head.

So a woman who doesn't cover her head is saying that I don't want any
man to be over me. So anyway, God has ordained it such, you know, the
reason why man is to be the leader. One reason is mentioned in 1 Timothy
and chapter 2. There are two reasons why Paul says a man should be the
leader in the church.

Verse 12, 1 Timothy 2.12, I don't allow a woman to teach. A woman must
not be a teacher. In 1 Corinthians 11, he said a woman can prophesy.

That means she can preach or share God's word even in a public church
meeting. That was happening in 1 Corinthians 11. That's why it says a
woman when she preaches must cover her head.

But she must not teach, and she must not have authority, that means she
must not be an elder. And the two reasons given are, one, God made Adam
first. And then he made Eve.

That's the number one reason why a woman cannot teach, cannot have
authority in a church. And the number two reason is Adam was not
deceived. It was the woman who was deceived.

So the two reasons the Holy Spirit gives, don't say Paul gives, the Holy
Spirit gives. Because there are some women who say, well, that's because
Paul was a strongly pro-man that he speaks like that. It's not, it's the
Holy Spirit.

So we must recognize from these verses that God puts upon all men a
responsibility to be the leader. There is no place for a man to be weak
in terms of leadership in the home or in the church or for his children.
He's created by God to be a leader.

And if God creates us to fulfill a function, he gives us all the
necessary resources for that function. You know, just like God gives a
woman the resources to be a mother, which a man cannot do as well as
her. So in the same way, we must believe that God has given us men the
resources and ability within ourselves to be leaders in our home, in the
church, in society.

And if we are not availing of it, then we need that exhortation, which
you read at the beginning, act like men. And so if you turn back to
Genesis 3, you see there was a reason why God made Adam alone and then
Eve. He could have made them both together and breathed on them
together.

So simultaneously, they were man and woman, but he didn't do that. They
were to be made separately. And there's something I see there.

And that is that when Adam opened his eyes, after God breathed on him,
he didn't see Eve. He saw God. It was much later that he saw Eve.

So remember that as husbands. You have to see God before you see your
wife. I don't mean physically.

I mean, in terms of the fact that God is always primary in your vision.
And beyond that, you see your wife. And if that becomes a practice in
your life, I'm going to put the Lord first in my life and then my wife
in practical terms every day.

Then we shall act like men. And that's why God made Adam first. And it
was quite a while after that that he even brought her to him.

There's a meaning in all this, the pattern with which God made. And you
see the failure of man's leadership. You know, I used to think when I
read Genesis 3, that Eve sort of went to the garden and they're all
going together.

And Eve sort of wandered towards the tree of knowledge of good and evil
and plucked. And I thought Adam was probably somewhere else. But I read
here.

When I read in Genesis 3, 6, the last part. Small little expression. She
gave the fruit to her husband who was with her.

She was right. He was right there with her. So what was he doing when
Eve started this conversation with the snake? He was just standing there
gaping with his mouth open.

Is that how a man should stand when he sees his wife directly disobeying
the only commandment God gave? He didn't have 10 commandments. They had
one. What should a man do when he sees his wife in violation of God's
command? There's a lesson there for husbands.

He should have intervened there and said, hey, stop talking to that
snake. And even if she did, don't pluck that fruit. He should have been
firm.

That exhortation we got at the beginning. Act like men. He did not act
like a man.

Adam acted like a woman as though he was the head. Taking decisions and
telling Adam to eat. And he meekly followed.

And I tell you, I have seen so many Christian husbands like that in CFC
churches. And that's the best way to destroy a home. It's the best way
to make your children go astray.

Because you're not following divine order in the house. If your wife
does something wrong, we have to stand up to it and say, that is wrong.
I want to agree with that.

I won't go along with that. See, for example, some people have asked me.
We know that gossiping, speaking evil about somebody else.

It's wrong. Now, that doesn't mean we cannot discuss about some person
who could be a bad influence on your children. Or someone who is a bad
influence in the church.

Even a wife can mention it if she senses something. Or if a man is not
acting very in a pure way with other women, the wife may notice it and
tell you. So there's nothing wrong in expressing concern about the way
certain men behave.

That's not gossiping. The way to define gossiping is to say, what is
your motive? If your motive is to correct the person or to protect the
church, you're okay. But if the motive is just to tear down somebody and
say he's useless, then it is gossip.

So the question someone asked me once was, so Brother Zang, what do I
do? I know gossiping like that is a sin. What do I do if my wife wants
to gossip? Should I say, shut up. I'm not going to listen to that.

That could create more problems. So we have to be wise. I see you treat
gossip like vomit.

If your wife doesn't go and vomit in the bathroom, but vomits into your
lap, it's okay. She couldn't control it. Gossip is usually like that.

Couldn't control it and vomited and you're sitting there next to her.
It's okay. Just keep quiet.

Don't eat that vomit. Don't accept what she says. You can go and wash it
off later.

If you felt that you were defiled in any way, go to the Lord and cleanse
it away. But when she sees that you don't respond to that type of thing
over a period of time, she'll probably stop. Or if you're bold enough
and you can see this, there is something good in that person.

When you say something good about that person, that may start the gossip
too. But you have to be wise there. But here was Eve sinning and Adam
keeping quiet.

That's the point I was saying. Whatever that sin is. And so we have to
act like men.

But at the same time, we have to be wise in the way we express
ourselves. See, here's a guy who was a real man in the Old Testament.
Job.

His wife came and gave him a stupid suggestion to commit suicide. You
know that Job's wife told him to commit suicide? Why are you serving a
God like this? She told him in Job chapter 2 verse 9 when he suffered
all this. I mean, they lost their children.

And that must have been an emotionally shattering thing for that woman.
Having lost 10 children in one day. Job sort of handled it, but the
woman couldn't take it.

And then on top of that, Job got all these sores and boils all over his
body. And she just couldn't take it. And she said, verse 9, chapter 2
verse 9. You still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.

How can Job just die? It means curse God and commit suicide. And he
said, you speak as one of these foolish women speak. Now, I'm not asking
you to imitate Job.

Tell your wife that she's a foolish woman. Remember, he was not even
under the Old Covenant. He was pre-Old Covenant.

And so we are not in that category. Even if your wife says something
foolish, don't ever say that you're like a foolish woman. And quote Job,
chapter 2. No.

He did not have the Holy Spirit. And we have the Holy Spirit. But even
if we don't use that expression, but our attitude must be understood.

We speak more graciously. Because Colossians chapter 4, verse 6 says,
your speech must always be with grace. That's a beautiful verse.

And like salt, it says there. Like adding salt in the food. You know
immediately when you take one spoon of food, you know whether there's
salt there or not.

And that's the challenge that I have sought to be an example to my wife
in terms of always speaking with grace. And there is no requirement that
she has also got to speak with grace. She has to follow your example.

It may take time. So look at yourself always as a teacher in a
classroom. That's your position as a husband.

And think of your wife as a student. Now, if you're teaching some
complicated subject, difficult subject, and speaking with grace always
is something like teaching calculus. It's not easily understood.

Always speak with grace. I mean, even men find it difficult. So when
you're teaching something in a class and some child doesn't understand,
you don't get fed up.

No. You teach again. Next session.

And that's why children sit in a class for a whole year before they get
promoted. So it takes time to understand any subject, whether it's
biology or math or literature or anything. So if I say, well, there's no
use telling a student I taught that yesterday.

You've got to teach it again. You've got to teach it again. There's a
whole year in front of you.

And our aim is that this student must understand it and move on to the
next class. So I see if I've understood something and a good teacher
should not be teaching if he or she doesn't understand it or he himself
doesn't understand it. But if I've understood it, then I need to be
patient and patient and teach and teach and teach and teach.

That's the mark of a good teacher. That the weakest student in the class
will understand. And a good husband is one where the weakest wife will
understand.

So when you see a wife like Cleve disobeying or not doing something
correctly, we need wisdom there. Because you don't want that practice to
continue. And if you're not at that particular time, maybe at another
time, when she's a little happier and a better mood, to say, hey,
darling, don't you think we should? Let's keep our home a little more
free from speaking about others.

You know, just throw in a little seed there. You don't have to keep
pushing down. It'll grow.

Just drop it there. And maybe you need to drop it once again a little
later. But we must be very, very wise.

Great need is for wisdom. So that's what we can learn in Adam's absolute
failure there. Can you imagine what a different story it would have been
if Adam had said that and he pulled back and did not listen? Of course,
the devil would have tried again in some other way, no doubt.

But think of this. In some of these situations, and I read in the Old
Testament, I think of how different it would have been if the man had
just acted a little differently. See, David was unfaithful to his wife.

How did it happen? Turn with me to 2 Samuel. Now, in our case, I don't
think any of us are in danger of committing physical adultery. I mean, I
know a lot of Hindus in India who have never committed physical
adultery.

So we should certainly be above that. It's an Old Testament commandment.
And there are many unbelievers who live according to the Old Testament
commandment, don't commit adultery.

But here David, who started out his life so well, it says here that,
listen to this. How did David fall into sin? Here it is. It wasn't by
looking at Bathsheba.

No, that came later. 2 Samuel chapter 11 and verse 1. At the time when
kings go out to battle, David stayed behind in Jerusalem and went to
sleep. He was asleep.

All his generals and soldiers, those days the kings were the one who led
the army into battle. You know that. Not like today.

The king went in front of the army and he sent Joab, the general, to go
in front. And what was he doing? And it is a time when kings go to
battle. All the kings go to battle, but David stayed at home.

There was his failure. So very often, if you find yourself slipping up,
for example, in sexual temptation in your mind, the problem doesn't lie
there. It could be something that happened before that, where you should
have been somewhere else and you were not there.

David should have been on the battlefield. If he was there, he wouldn't
have fallen with Bathsheba. Simple.

That you're in the wrong place. Or you're reading the wrong book. Or
you're on the wrong website.

And I'm not talking about pornographic websites. I'm saying there's
enough filthy things in normal news websites, leave alone other
websites. And the next thing was he was sleeping.

He could have been at least praying for his army. No, he was sleeping.
And sleeping when? Not at night.

He was sleeping the whole afternoon. And he got up in the evening. I
don't know how long he slept, verse 2. In the evening, he got up from
his bed.

Now, I always say to men, when you wake up from bed at any time, the
first thing you should do is pray. And it doesn't take long. Even if
it's only one minute.

Before you get out of bed, pray to your father. Pray to the Lord Jesus.
Make it a habit.

Everything, you know, it says sow an action, after some time it will
become a habit. If you keep sowing an action, you may forget it a few
days, never mind. Whenever you remember, sow an action.

It's like sowing a seed. It will become a habit. It will become a strong
tree one day where you won't need to be reminded.

It's like brushing your teeth. You don't need to be reminded to brush
your teeth every morning. So here's a habit.

Now, David got up and then, so that is mistake number 2. And then he
walks on the roof of his house and he sees Bathsheba bathing there. What
should he have done? Turned around and got back into his house. He said,
hey, I shouldn't be looking at that.

Somebody else's wife having a bathing there. So if there was an
immediate turning around, mistake number 3, that's how he sinned. So
very often our fall in some areas, if you trace it back, you'll find
that's probably step number 3 that you fell into that lustful thought or
whatever it is.

There were a couple of steps before that. So if you trace it back, you
make sure that you don't take step 1 and 2 next time. It's part of being
faithful to your wife as a husband.

See, as a husband, in the old covenant, you don't commit adultery. You
don't fool around with another woman. In the new covenant, you don't
even lust after another woman.

And lust means not just sexual lust. Lust means strong desire. I believe
that you should, as a husband, so love your wife that you don't have any
desire to or wish that, I wish I had married another woman.

That's something that you must see before God. God only brought you
together with your wife. And if you can say that before the Lord, you're
a really good husband.

And it's possible. I can say that. I've traveled many, many countries.

I've never seen anyone more suitable for me than my wife. And to me, the
most attractive person in my eyes, most suitable for me. So I would say
to other people, no, that wife is suitable for you.

And each one of us must see our own wives like that. It's very
important. And so these Old Testament examples are sad stories of men
like this who fell, even though David was a man under God's own heart.

Our standard in the new covenant is much higher. So as I said, if you
want to avoid step number three, watch out. Be careful at step one and
step two.

Usually there is a step one and step two that leads us to even lusting.
So turning back to Genesis 3, you see another thing. A man, first of
all, he allowed his wife to sort of take the knee.

But then we also see another thing that when they got into trouble and
God came to ask Adam, you know, God knew very well that Eve was the one
who plucked the fruit first. He knew it very well. Why does he come to
Adam first? He didn't go to Eve first.

He didn't ask, you're the one who first plucked. He doesn't say that. He
goes to Adam and says in Genesis 3, 9, where are you? And that shows
that God expected Adam to have stopped his wife.

That's why he went to him first. And he was hiding. And when he asks him
a straight question, did you eat, verse 11, of the tree I commanded you
not to eat, for which there is only two answers possible, yes or no, he
says something else.

He blames his wife. And not only blames his wife, blames God. This woman
whom you gave me, it's her fault.

And don't forget, God, that you only gave me this woman. This tendency
to put the blame on someone else has come down to all human beings from
Adam. He was the first one.

You see that in our children. He hit me first, or he did this, or she
did this. It's come down from Adam.

And the only one who never put a blame on anybody else was Jesus. When
the entire sin of the world was put upon him, he said, okay, I'll take
it. So if we say, you know, we have a choice of either following Adam or
Christ in all these situations.

Even if your wife made a mistake, it's no use pointing at her. It's
because of her, I did this. Why should I do it if she did it? She lost
her temper, so I lost my temper.

Rubbish. It's similar here. She took the fruit, so I took it.

So she started it. She got upset first, then I got upset. No, you should
not have got upset.

You're the man. You're the leader. And so this business of trying to
find an excuse for our failure must never be found in us.

If you want to be the leader in the home, be man enough, act like a man,
and take the blame. And say, Lord, that was my fault. I'm sorry.

I was foolish. Maybe I provoked my wife into some action, or I was so
lazy that I did not consider the pressure under which my wife was
working. I did not even lift a finger to ease the pressure at home.

And so she just blew up. Why did she blow up? Because she did the work
of two people, of yours and hers in the home. Take the blame.

Never put the blame on your wife. That's the difference between Adam and
Christ. He could not take the blame for his own sin.

Christ could take the blame of the sin of the whole world. And all of us
are following one of these two. It's very, very practical.

You've got to be man enough to say, okay, my shoulders are broad. I can
take that blame. I can take it.

Even if I didn't do it. Christ didn't shout out from the cross and say,
hey, fellas, I didn't do this, by the way. I want you to know that I'm
not hanging here for my own sins.

I'm very pure and all that. Like one of the thieves said like that. But
not Christ.

He said, okay, if you fellas think I'm to blame, I'll keep my mouth
shut. That is a man. Act like a man.

When I say act like a man, look at Jesus. When they said, you're a
prince of devils, he kept his mouth shut. He said, you're forgiven if
you speak against.

So when we say act like men, in one way we could say it's like saying
act like Jesus Christ acted on earth. Because that's our example.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.

So Christ is the example. So that's why we see when you know that
passage I often refer to, Matthew chapter 12, where the Pharisees said
in verse 24, this man casts out demons by Beelzebul, the ruler of
demons. And Jesus immediately responded saying, well, if you've spoken a
word against the son of man, verse 33, he was forgiven.

Immediately. His constant attitude was to forgive women's whole life. It
must have been like that as a child.

He had four younger brothers and two younger sisters irritating him. You
have children at home, you know how they irritate one another. And Jesus
was the eldest.

They would have teased him and irritated him, particularly when they saw
that he wouldn't get upset. Children can get very angry when they see
one person doesn't get upset. My sibling doesn't get upset.

Then we have to provoke him to get upset. Let's see who can make him get
upset. They must have tried that with Jesus so many times that he didn't
fall into sin once.

And that's what his attitude, I will not put the blame on another. And
if somebody blames me, I'll just take it. Okay.

He's spoken a word against the son of man, he's forgiven. So he spent
his whole life like that, forgiving, forgiving, bearing with people.
Finally, he hung on the cross.

The worst possible thing that anybody could do, he said, Father, forgive
me. It was just natural. So to act like a man is never to blame one's,
as a husband, never to blame one's wife.

And take the blame, even if you didn't do it. Don't justify yourself.
That is following Jesus.

We know very well that he took the blame for the sins of others. And we
know that if we have to behave like Christ towards our wife, we have to
take the blame for the sins of others. What does it matter if you're
blamed and you say, oh, I'm sorry.

Even though you're not at fault. There'll be peace in the home. Instead
of you defend yourself, be a man, I'd say, act like man.

Act like a man means act like Christ. What would he do in that
situation? Would he defend himself and say, no, no, no, but it's because
you did this or you said that? No, no. Act like a man.

Now, if there is something to be corrected, the time to correct may not
be when your wife is upset. Nothing will sink there, you know. Don't sow
a seed when there's a storm.

Even if you're not a farmer, you know that. You sow a seed when there's
a storm, nothing will get into the ground. It'll all get blown away.

It's a very simple rule. Don't sow seeds when there is a storm. Be wise.

Let the storm subside. It will subside. No storm goes on forever.

When it subsides, another time when it's calm, you can sow some seed. So
those are some fundamental principles that we need to bear in mind. We
have this expression called a servant leader.

It's a very good expression. Jesus was the perfect servant leader. He
said, I did not come to be served, but I came to serve and to give my
life for ransom for many.

So that's our example that we must follow. We are called to be servant
leaders. That's not the world's understanding of leadership.

See, when it says, I don't need to turn to these passages. You know it
all in Ephesians 5. The husband is the head of the wife. And I've said
often there are two or three types of heads.

One is a head of a country, a king, or a president, a dictator. The
other is the head of a corporation or a company. And the third is the
head of the body.

Oh, they're all used. The same word is used for head. Head of a country,
head of a company, head of a body.

And the example used is not the man is the head of his wife like the
head of a country or the head of a company. No, it's like the head of
the body. And of course, the wife is to submit like the members of the
body to the head, which means the head means the brain.

The brain tells, takes the lead. And that is how God has designed the
woman to follow the head. See, like, sure, all of you, those of you are
married.

When you decided that you're going to move to a particular place, your
wife followed there. That's correct. Because that's her calling.

I mean, I've seen situations where a woman's got a better job and she
decides where we're going to go and the husband neatly follows. It's not
an ideal situation. I mean, it can be in a situation where a husband is
paralyzed and cannot work or something like that.

Those are exceptions. But in the normal case, the wife follows the
husband. Where he decides to go and work, she goes.

And so in the same way, not only that, but the head is very sensitive to
the needs of the body. There's a pain somewhere, an injury somewhere.
The brain immediately does something to, oh, I've got a stomachache.

Well, can I take some medicine for that? Or I got injured somewhere.
Immediately, a head is aware of immediately any part of the body that's
injured or in pain. You know how it is.

Whenever you suffer any pain in any part of the body, it doesn't take
long before you're aware of it. And you act immediately to relieve that
pain. Even if it's an ant biting you, you flick it off.

A good husband, like a good head, is immediately aware. But I don't know
how the body works. But there are some connections from the brain to say
this hand.

And through that, whatever it is, nerves or whatever it is, it sends a
signal back to my brain. Hey, there's an ant biting you over there. And
immediately, I act on it.

Now, if that connection, inward connection, is, you know, spoiled or
broken or sick, then the connection, then the ant bites and I don't even
know it. Like people have leprosy. And I've heard of lepers in India.

At night when they sleep, the rats come and bite off their toes. And
they wake up in the morning and find toes missing. That is because their
head was completely out of touch with their toes.

But I've seen some husbands like that. Completely out of touch with what
their wives are going through. So our being a head, we're not to be
slaves.

The brain is not the slave of them. But it's concerned. So it's a
balance in leadership.

At the same time, very sensitive concern for the needs of the wife. For
example, we read in 1 Peter. I sometimes ask husbands a question here.

Well, you tell me. 1 Peter 3 and verse 7. You read that whole verse. You
can read it yourself.

1 Peter 3, 7. You, husbands, in the same way. It says, live with your
wives in an understanding way. So can you tell me what is the primary
thing you need to understand? When living in an understanding way with
your wife.

Any answers? You've heard me. I've spoken on this before. If you
remember.

You've heard me? Okay, tell me. It says in the next sentence. An
understanding way about what? That she's the weaker vessel.

That's the number one thing I need to understand. Live with your wives
in an understanding way, knowing that she's a weaker person. Number one.

So, in fact, that's the only thing mentioned there. Positive things like
show her honor. And so on.

So, that's a good question to ask. If you're traveling together, who
carries the heavier suitcase? The husband or the wife? In India, in the
villages, very often it's the wife who carries it. Box on the head.

But that's an ungodly society. That's why. The man must lift the heavier
weight.

Why? Because you recognize a woman is weaker. Now, the same thing
applies not just physically weaker. But I think emotionally weaker.

Which means because there's a reason for it. It's not because she's not
as spiritual as you. It's because God made a woman to be a mother.

Soon after she becomes a wife, she becomes a mother. And, therefore, her
inner constitution and emotional makeup inwardly has to be one that's
very sensitive to the needs of a baby. You cannot express what it is
suffering.

Why is it crying? And you see that very often. When a baby is crying,
the husband doesn't have a clue what it is for. And the wife knows
immediately.

And she may not be more intelligent. The husband may be a post-graduate.
He doesn't have a clue when it comes to a child.

And why is that? It's not because it's because she's a woman, let me
say. Because God made her inner system such that she knows this is the
problem. And because of that, that inner woman had to be made sensitive
to the needs of a helpless baby who cannot express itself.

That carries on into making her weaker in many other areas because she's
emotionally weak. That's why women cry more frequently. So if you don't
cry so often, it's not because you're stronger.

It's because you're a man. So don't despise her if she cries or she's
easily upset with something. And something that wouldn't even bother
you, wouldn't upset you.

It's the way she's made. You know, it's like in India, we have to go to
the marketplace to buy fruit and vegetables and all. There are really
not stores where you can go and get everything.

Most people go to a particular shop or somewhere else. And the wife
could ask, well, how much did you pay for this cauliflower? And she may
think that's a little too much. If you just walk half a mile further
down that road, there's another shop where you could have got it for a
few cents less.

A man doesn't think like that. He's going to walk all that just to get
10 cents less. But don't despise your wife because she thinks like that
because she's in the home and she's concerned about running out of money
and expenditure.

I'm just trying to say that a woman thinks differently. I realize there
are some women can be spent freaks. They think their husbands are
millionaires and they just spend left, right, etc.

That's an exception. That's a foolish woman. But otherwise, a woman
would be careful, particularly when we are a little poorer and a husband
is not a wealthy person.

So what I'm trying to say is that a woman thinks in a different way from
a man. So we must allow for that. And we mustn't say, why can't she
understand that? I understand it so clearly.

See, I also say this to people. All of us are in a different level of
growth spiritually. Remember that even as men and believers, we can look
at our spiritual education like being educated in a school.

You join in the kindergarten. That's where everybody joins. Born again.

I've accepted Christ. I've taken baptism. I have joined the
kindergarten.

Now, the only way to progress is to be filled with the spirit, pick up
the cross every day, read God's word, hear God's word regularly, seek
fellowship, and grow. Now, it depends on how eagerly and seriously
people take this education that they get promoted. Otherwise, you know,
like some children fail and sit in the same class.

That happens very often among believers. That they're in the same class
even after many years. There are certain sins they're overcoming.

It's like getting 100%. Ten years later, they're getting 100%, but it's
still in the kindergarten. That's not a great thing.

You're still in the kindergarten and getting 100%. You should be getting
100% in the next class after a year. Not in the same class.

In other words, there should be sins that we are overcoming, which we
didn't even know existed earlier on. So, what I'm coming to say is this,
that we don't want to judge anyone for how fast they're progressing or
anything. But we recognize, even among ourselves as believers, we must
recognize that something that I see clearly is a sin.

Because maybe I've come to grade five. As trigonometry is very clear to
me. But maybe your wife is in grade one.

She doesn't even know what trigonometry means. You can't expect her to
know the answer to that trigonometry problem. I apply that spiritually.

There's something you clearly see as sin. She doesn't even see it at
all. Do you consider that possibility? That something you see clearly as
sin, your wife may not even think it is sin.

And perhaps five years ago, you didn't think it was sin either. But you
have grown and known it as sin. So, that not only doesn't apply only to
husband and wife, even brothers in the church.

That some things that a person very thoughtless about something, he's
not sinning. He doesn't even see it as sin, the thoughtless way he
behaves. And you can't be proud of the fact that I understood it.

While you didn't understand it either many years ago. So, if we allow
for that, then you won't ask yourself, why in the world doesn't she see
that? Now, let me put it like this. Use the school illustration.

You may be getting 100% in math and she gets only 50%. But she may be
getting 100% in biology where you get 50%. So, what I'm trying to say is
there's maybe another area where she has light where you don't have
light.

That keeps us humble. So, it's not all one way. So, we recognize this.

I find such illustrations have helped me a lot. I encourage other people
to remember that not only in husband-wife relationship, even among
relationship among brothers. That pays up to the fact that some things
another person does not see as sin.

I remember in the early days, I found some brothers in our church just
did not think that coming on time to be punctual is a Christ-like habit.
I got it from Luke chapter 22. Luke 22 verse 14.

When the appointed time had come, Jesus was there. Have you read that?
He was not late. But I found some brothers in our church at home.

We make an appointment to meet at a particular time and they would not
be there. Now, I realize that would have been a heavy traffic or maybe
some child was sick. There could be 101 reasons.

But when it happens every time, then you know it's not any reason like
that. It's just a habit. You don't make allowance.

To me, it's an inconsiderate way of living. You don't care that I'm
going to make that person wait. And I've seen through the years that
some people are like that year after year after year after year.

You know, 10 years, they're still not bothered about it because
punctuality is not an important thing for them. They've never read, seen
in Luke 22, 14 what I see. So in the beginning, it used to disturb me.

I'm sitting waiting there and this guy turns up half an hour later. And
of course, he'll say, oh, I'm really sorry, Brother Zach. And of course,
I would say, oh, no, it's supposed to be OK.

What else to say? I'd act very spiritual, but it would be I was a bit
upset. But then the Lord told me something. He said, you were in the
military for 11 years.

That got drilled into your system. That's why you're always punctual. He
was not make allowance for that fact.

That I tell you that liberated me. And I realized, oh, maybe maybe you
had a father or mother was very strict about punctuality and you learned
some. And that person didn't have that.

So you're not better than that person. That's what helped me to
understand. I'm not better than that person.

That's a conceited idea you can suddenly get out because I'm like this.
I'm better. And the Lord said something more to me.

I'm trying to make you one with those people. So don't get disturbed by
something like this. It's a sin for you.

It's not a sin for him. You believe that something can be a sin for you
and not a sin for the other person. I just explained to you.

He hasn't studied trigonometry. So if you get zero in trigonometry, it's
OK. But you can't afford to get zero because you studied it.

And not only that. What the Lord said further to me, you had to bear
with me. And then here's the thing that really liberated me.

The Lord said to me, there may be some infirmities in you. Weaknesses,
which is a strong point in him. And he never tells you, but he's bearing
with it.

That really helped me. I'm bearing with him. Oh, perhaps he's bearing
with me in some area.

Now apply that to husband and wife. Maybe your wife has got some habit
that really gets on your nerves. And you think you're such a patient
husband.

Thank you, Lord, that I can bear with her. I'm such a saint. You never
tell her.

But she's never told you all the things she's bearing with in you. Maybe
more than what you're bearing with. It'll help you to esteem your wife.

It's just practical. We are basically, we've got this conceit of Adam.
That always points this finger at the wife and say, she, she's the one
who took it.

She's like that. And even if you don't point the finger, to inwardly
think that she's like that. So to be a head means to bear with your
wife.

And that's the way to be a good husband. And there's things which they
don't see clearly. How do you teach your child to walk? How long it
takes if you hold his hand and little by little he stumbles and falls.

And you don't yell at him, why are you falling? He's only nine months
old. You hold and you're patient and patient and patient. There's a
sense in which we have to do that with our wives also.

In certain areas that they take time to learn some of those things. This
is practically what it means to love the wife as Christ loved the
church. Isn't that how he led you and me? Boy, I can think of the areas
where the Lord has led me.

By my hand, I stumble and fall. I get up and I stumble and fall and he
never yells at me. You know, the Lord has never yelled at me in 60
years.

Not once. He corrects me. He's always very gentle.

I serve such a wonderful Lord. And he says, follow my example. So it'll
also, you know, I'll tell you in the process, the Lord will give you
your reward for doing that.

You will acquire this wonderful quality called patience. And do you know
that patience is the number one thing that makes you perfect? Turn to
James in chapter 1. James chapter 1, verse 4. Let patience or endurance
have its perfect result. That is, you know, when you go through various
trials, verse 2. We are now thinking of certain testings that come in
our relationship with our wife, which is like a testing.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter those various
testings with your wife. Verse 2. Knowing that this thing will produce
endurance in you and patience, and when they allow patience to keep on
working in you, one day it will make you, verse 4, perfect, lacking in
nothing. It's like saying you'll be totally Christ-like.

And the one quality mentioned there is patience. You know the great
chapter on love, which is that? 1 Corinthians. The number of qualities
of love mentioned there, which is the first one.

Yeah. 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4. Number one, love is patient. And we
know from our lives how easy it is to be impatient with our children,
with our wives.

So let's take every situation that comes up in our home. Lord, you're
trying to teach me something. It doesn't mean that we never correct our
wife in anything.

Because does Jesus correct me? Of course he does. It's a question of how
he corrects. He doesn't sort of yell at me.

He graciously corrects. And he doesn't get upset if I don't learn it
with one correction. I had to get 100 corrections in some areas before I
finally learned.

We've all been pretty poor students in the past. And our teacher, our
Lord, is very patient with us. And that's our example.

Love your wife as Christ loved you. Great example. He doesn't just tell
us to do something.

He says, follow my example. How I have treated you, treat your wife like
that. That's the meaning of being a head, of a Christ-like head of the
home.

That's the meaning of loving the wife as Christ loved the church. We
also need to, when we face different situations in our home, maybe
something go wrong, we have to decide in our home, what is a major issue
and what is a minor one? Don't make minor issues into major things to
take. Some things you can just ignore.

That's not a major issue. Forget it. See, also, we must remember, the
reason I say that is, you were brought up by your parents in a certain
way in your home for, say, 25 years before you got married.

There's a certain way you were brought up in terms of cleanliness, in
terms of where you should hang up your clothes or just throw them in
your hair. And your wife was brought up in another home, also for 25
years, in a completely different way. And as a result of which, we
acquire certain habits.

And so we are disturbed if we don't do it the way you're brought up in a
certain way. I find that when I get up and I have to do my bed
perfectly. If I put a bedspread over the sheet underneath or this quilt
underneath, no part of that underneath quilt or sheet should be seen.

The top spread must cover it perfectly. And if it doesn't, I'll go
around the other side and make sure, right? It's just the way I am. I'm
not saying my parents taught me that.

I think it's more in the military. If everything was not perfect, we'd
reap the consequences of it. So it was drilled into me, and it's a good
habit, but I should never demand that.

Now, just taking one example, that we do certain things in a certain
way. Some are perfectionists. But keep it to yourself.

Now, I think I was like that even as a child. I remember my mother
telling me that when I was a little boy, and she taught me how to tie my
laces. I didn't know how to tie my laces.

And when she tied the laces, I'd say, no, mommy, that's not equal on
both sides. Both sides, the laces must be equal. I just grew up like
that, and then my mom was patient with me.

But then I grew up, and I'm a little careless now about laces, but other
things, that tendency towards perfection. I find that with the books I
write. I've got about, at least about 20 books, which are in my file, in
a folder, all transcribed and written there.

And even some brothers have helped to edit some of it. When I read it, I
say, no, I can't send that to the printer. That's not exactly the way it
should be.

Every book of mine, I read through every sentence and read it many
times. So I say, okay, I'm not going to send it out without being
absolutely sure. Another reason for it is, I remember once a brother
come to me and say, I said, why did you do that? He said, Brother Zach,
in such and such a book of yours on page so and so, he was quoting that
book like the Bible.

And I got scared. I said, Lord, there are people who respect me so much
that they take one sentence I said somewhere, and I've got to be very,
very careful that something I said is not misunderstood, because some of
those guys I may never see in all my life. So it has its advantages, but
it can be a problem if you're that type of, if you demand that
perfection on others.

So I said, be a perfectionist, keep it to yourself. But don't demand it
of your wife that she should also be like that. So like the very common
illustration of the way two people use the toothpaste onto the brush.

The perfectionist will go all the way from the bottom of the toothpaste
tube and slowly work its way up to them. Whereas the other person will
just squeeze it anywhere and take the toothpaste out. And if, say, your
wife is like that, and you're the perfectionist, and you're so disturbed
when you see this toothpaste tube pressed here and there.

I'm taking a very silly example. The example may be something else in
your case. But it is this.

You have to face the fact your wife is different from you because she
was brought up differently. And one way is not better than the other.
That's what I want to say.

Both are equally acceptable to God, because it's not got to do with sin.
So many things that we get disturbed about, I believe it's good to hang
up our clothes all perfectly. So what if someone doesn't hang it up that
way? There's no sin in it.

It's the way we're brought up. I'm just using these small examples to
say it may be in other areas in your life. If you examine yourself in
relation to your wife, you may see that some of the things are
disturbing, and you begin to think about it a lot.

You should throw it out of your mind and say, that's all worthless
thinking about it. Because some of these things can accumulate over a
period of time, and then you know how the pressure gets built up, and
there's an explosion one day. That didn't happen overnight.

It's the result of many things that you did not throw out immediately,
accumulating and accumulating on day one. Why did I lose my temper
there? Because there are so many other things you didn't throw out of
your heart long before that. So these are little hints that I want to
share with you.

One final thing, which is be very careful in the area of sexual
temptation. It says in 1 Corinthians 7, every healthy man burns. That's
the expression used of sexual desire.

It says in 1 Corinthians 7, that every man should have his wife because
of immorality. He has to have his own wife. Like we say, it's better to
marry than to burn.

So that burning, that great longing for sex is a desire God has put into
man, and it's such a strong desire. It begins at the age of 13 or 14,
and we have to be very careful. Marriage doesn't prevent us from being
tempted with other women.

You may never go and touch them, but it could be in your mind. It will
pollute you. It will disturb your relationship with your wife.

It will make you distant from your wife, even if you externally behave
properly. So you have to be very, very faithful in this area in your
thought life. Extremely careful.

Don't let your thoughts run away with this. Take it very, very
seriously. Resist it as soon as it comes, and if you slip up, go
immediately to the Lord and say, Lord, I'm slipped up in my thoughts.

Cleanse me. Cleanse me immediately. If you're faithful in this area,
continuously, over a period of time, I won't say it'll happen overnight,
over a period of time, it will subside.

I use the example of, you know, our lust is like we have a box of snakes
inside us in the flesh. The flesh is like a box of snakes. It's not our
heart.

The heart is Christ lives there, but this flesh is like comes in from
this box of snakes. The snake wants to sting the heart. And in the past,
every time the snake popped his head out of the box, he fed it with some
milk, and it became very strong.

And the more milk you fed that snake in your unconverted days, it's
pretty strong in any area. And now, it pops its head, you give it a
whack on the head, and it goes back into the box. Sometimes you take a
little while before you whack it on the head.

It'll take time for that snake to die. And there are many, many snakes.
Lust is just one of them.

Anger could be another, different ones. But if you're determined to
whack it on the head, every time it comes out, and you're not going to
feed it anymore, over a period of time, you're kind of getting weaker,
and weaker, and weaker, and weaker. You'd be surprised when time comes,
when you're not even tempted in certain areas.

It's a wonderful place to come to. It takes years, but if you work at it
faithfully, it's a tremendous life you can come to, in different areas,
where this is what it means to take up the cross, and seek the power of
the Holy Spirit, to view through the Spirit, to put the deeds of the
body to death. That's what it says there in Romans chapter 8, verse 13.

The middle of that verse, Romans 8, 13. If by the Spirit, you're putting
to death the deeds of the body, you will live. The deeds of the body, I
see as those things which are lust of the flesh, that sort of come up
almost unconsciously, because we've indulged in it so long.

It just springs up almost, you know, sometimes, you don't want to lose
your temper, but maybe you're so tired in the place of work, you come
home and accidentally flare up. It's a deed of the body. You didn't
deliberately plan saying, I get home, I'm going to lose my temper.

That's what we call a deed of the body. It just came out. But it's
because we have not been consistent in putting it to death in other
areas of our life.

Sin is one whole thing, and if I become faithful in putting one area to
death, we get strength for the other areas too. So those are some
general things I have said. If you have any questions.

There are a few other questions that have been added to the doc after
that. Have you covered it all? Yeah, some were added after that. Some
were added after that.

Which would have been raised here, otherwise I think. So, you know, you
talk about, like, having, being the leader, not insisting on having it
our way on non-major issues. How would you distinguish between whether
it's something that we should say no, even if my wife and I disagree, we
should take a stand and insist, not out of a selfishness, but even just
how do we feel like this is the right thing to do? How do you... First
of all, it was clearly written in scripture.

We just put our foot down and say, sorry. She's suggesting you tell a
lie. Or, well, he didn't ask for the money, so no, don't give it.

Or something like that. No, no, no. We have to be righteous and money
matters.

Righteous and... Maybe she grew up in a home where they were a little
careless about making your payments and clearing your debts. So some
areas like that we had to be firm, but it's clearly written in
scripture. But if it is not a violation of scripture and you don't feel
that it is an unchrist-like action, I would say be patient and let it
go.

It doesn't really matter whether we insist on doing it our way. So you
can't make a list of these things, but you know in your heart two
things. Is it forbidden in scripture, in the New Testament? And do you
feel, according to your light, that it is unchrist-like for you to do
that or not to do that? Then you have to say, well... You know, we don't
speak like foolish women.

We don't do that. But you say, darling, I don't think we should do that.
And explain, you know, if we honor God, God will honor us even if it
means a little loss here.

We want to be upright. So that's generally what I would say. And
similarly, if there's a situation where bringing up something with our
wives might result in them getting offended, but we think that that's
important to raise, how do we know what's the right time or is it even
necessary? Then you have to wait for a time when she's really happy.

Maybe you went out together for a good meal or something good has
happened. And you have to see the mood. Women have moods.

Men should overcome that, but women have moods and they could be having
their period or something like that, which is causing their bad moods.
And so look for a time when it's more pleasant and peaceful and children
are in bed and circumstances are... And then seek the leading of the
Lord and go at it gently and not abruptly like you would take a leader
up step by step. And the indirect approach is always the best instead of
the direct approach.

And some things you may feel well when you start on the subject as you
proceed, it doesn't look as if it's going to work out today. Do it
tomorrow. The world won't collapse if you don't complete and solve that
problem today.

You have to be very sensitive saying that. Here's one I've wrestled with
a lot and actually I've asked it too. How do we exercise spiritual
authority with boldness after a time of falling or seeing sin that God
has shown us in our own life? And how do you still be the strong
spiritual leader? There's only one way.

I have to firmly believe 1 John 1, 7 and 9 that if he confesses our
sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us. Faithful means to do
it immediately. He does not forgive us five minutes later.

See, I'll tell you, I've had this problem myself that some things I've
failed in my unconverted days. I say, Lord, I thank you. You forgave me.

But I never seem to get over the fact that I tell him, I thank you for
forgiving me. It's gone. I don't remember it anymore.

I preach myself that the Lord doesn't remember. I feel bad about it that
I let down the Lord somewhere in the past. But I have to believe God's
word that when he's forgiven me, it is instantaneous.

It may take some time for us to be convinced about it. Partly because we
don't forgive others instantaneously. But he does.

And when he says, I won't remember it anymore, he means it. I will not
remember it anymore. So, OK, what is the meaning of justified by his
blood? Romans 5 and 9. Justified does not only mean just as if I'd never
sinned.

It means just as if I'd always been righteous, which is a positive
thing, not the negative, I've never sinned. The word justified is from
the word righteous, declared righteous. So it means that God sees me as
righteous, even though 10 minutes ago I slipped up.

The power of the blood of Christ is such that I'm cleansed. Now, whether
that makes me take sin lightly and I treat the blood of Christ like tap
water, that's between me and the Lord. Then, of course, the Lord's grace
will not be on my life if I take it lightly and say the Lord's forgiven
me so I can sin again.

No, no, no. But if I've taken sin seriously and I managed to slip up and
I'm sorry, and supposing your wife knows about it, that you slipped up
in some area, you can say, yeah, I slipped up. I acknowledge it.

But I've confessed it and I've sincerely forsaken it. And the blood of
Jesus has cleansed me. I'll be dishonoring the blood of Christ if I say
that I'm guilty now.

I'm not guilty. That's a very bold statement to say when 10 minutes ago
you did something wrong. I say, no, I'm exalting the blood of Christ.

It's like I heard of Martin Luther, I think it was, who one day, you
know, he went through tremendous pressures because he hardly had any
fellowship and the entire Roman Catholic Church was fighting against
him, trying to kill him. And he was under this tremendous pressure and
the devil harassed him one day in his mind saying, you did this and you
did that, you did this, you did this thing, this thing, this thing, this
thing. And I heard, whether the story is true or apocryphal, I don't
know, but I heard that Martin Luther told the devil, and that's not all,
Satan.

I've committed a lot more things. Make the list complete. Tell me all
the things I've done.

And then right across it, the blood of Jesus has cleansed me from all
sin. That was the end of the matter. I've heard another beautiful story
coming in, it's not in this context, of Martin Luther and his wife, that
with all the pressure that he was facing, he was very depressed.

And he was sitting gloomy for two whole days or two, three whole days. I
mean, we can't understand that type of pressure. He didn't have any
fellowship, one man fighting against the entire Roman Catholic system
with the Pope trying to kill him.

He was so depressed for two, three days that his wife was a very wise
woman. She had been a nun. She got rid of that, married Luther.

And she dressed in complete black one day and came to Luther. And Luther
said, oh, somebody died? And she said, don't you know God died three
days ago? Then he woke up. The last three days we've been so depressed.

He was acting as if God was there. So she was trying to play it out to
him. That is a wise wife and a good one.

Yeah, and we must know, with all that I've said, we must not forget also
that we must be willing to receive help from our wives. Because don't be
too proud to think that she cannot help you. She's given to you as your
help meat.

And I paraphrase that as Adam needs someone to help him. Because I don't
think he can make it on his own. Read it like that.

Not that, you know, that's my servant, a helper, who's just there. No,
it's not like that. But he can't make it on his own.

So I don't think we should be condemned. We must believe in the blood of
Christ, the power of the blood. At times when our work is maybe, if
somebody has to work a lot, how do we, how should we help our wife? How
should we, or in a situation like that, and the wife is still
overwhelmed with things at home, what are some practical ways to work
through that? Yeah, I would say our, a lot of work the wife does in the
home is essential.

And you have to earn your living as the man of the house, it's
essential. Maybe you should cut out some other things which are not so
essential. I remember when, sometimes in the early days of our marriage,
and we were in some other church, and I was traveling, different places
preaching and coming back.

And so many days we didn't have time together, my wife and I. So one day
at church prayer meeting, I didn't go. And I went for a walk with my
wife. I said, Zach, where did we see, where were you last prayer
meeting? I said, I was walking with my wife, I went for a walk with her.

Okay. Zach has been on the backside. They can think what they like.

My conscience was perfectly clear. I'd been away for four days preaching
God's word in some place. And I cut out some things which I needed to
spend time with my wife and help her.

I was not bothered what other people said. So there are certain things
essential, you got to see that. In the home, there are certain things
essential, especially with children, you can't say no to it.

And your work is equally essential. So you got to work out that and
maybe sit with your wife and say, listen, we got to work out something
that, let's try and cut down unnecessary things. You know, I often think
of, when I come to, RNCF is very special in that way.

All the folks bring food on Sundays. I don't think I've ever been in a
church where somebody does, all the families bring something like that.
But I felt that for some very highly efficient women who don't have any
children at home or got only one or two grown up children and are very
efficient in cooking, maybe that's very easy.

But for some others, think of some wives who may have many children or
are not so efficient or they don't have so much resources in their home
or they feel under pressure to, because everybody's bringing, it looked
bad. Maybe they have to get up early and they work. If I was like that,
I would tell my wife, forget it.

You can go buy something and take it or say, sorry, we couldn't take
anything or just come home. So we have to eliminate things which are not
essential, very important. Otherwise we build up pressure with things
which can be cut out.

So make a list of the things that are occupying the time of your life
and occupying the time of your own. As I said, certain things are
essential. The way you're bringing up children, teaching them to be
toilet trained and all that, and they're small and husband's work maybe
takes a lot of time.

Can't ignore it. And sleep is essential for both of these. You can't say
sleep can be cut out because the more you cut out sleep, the more your
efficiency will go down and you can be easily upset and irritated.

So I believe sleep is essential and work is essential and children
taking care of them is essential. But certain other things, you make
your own list, you'll find they are not so essential. And I've wondered
whether sometimes in a church we put too much pressure on some of our
wives.

It's not a command, but they expect everybody does it, so I have to do
it. And that may be too much for some wives. They're just not so
efficient.

And what to do? And that keeps on week after week after week, it'll
build up and we have this thing called a pressure cooker in India. I
don't think you folks use it much in America. Every family uses a
pressure cooker.

And if you don't watch it, I've actually heard of people who, you know,
there's a thing that they put on top when the pressure is too much, you
got to take it off to release the pressure. If somebody doesn't do that,
I've actually heard of people's food flying up into the ceiling. So that
can happen, an explosion.

But it didn't happen suddenly. The pressure built up, built up, built
up, built up, built up and one day there was an explosion. And you have
to ask yourself, you were not watching.

And women are the weaker vessel there. So how you do it in each family,
I don't know. But I'll tell you this, it's easy for me to preach now,
but when I was young, I did all the stupid mistake myself.

I didn't have a spiritual father to guide me. Nobody talked to me like
this. I was all alone.

Everybody looked up to me, even Brother Ian, my co-worker looked up to
me to guide him. What do I do? So I said, Lord, so my wife faced a lot
of pressures with a lot of, in the church, the church was meeting in our
home for six years, with four meetings a week. We thought that was
wholeheartedness, having four meetings a week in the home.

And, you know, small children, one was six months old and all the
requirements and we were not very well off. We had to sort of struggle
to make our ends meet. Many things, we had no washing machine.

We didn't have gas and all types of things. So the pressure was a lot on
my wife and she somehow endured it. And a lot of the people in the
church were not wise.

They never came to help. We had to do it ourselves and we had to help
others. So I was very unwise in many things.

But I learned from that, I said, Lord, I want to make sure that at least
others can benefit from the foolish mistakes I made, that they don't do
it themselves. Don't tell your wives to don't seek honor in the church
by doing something beyond your ability. Forget it.

We don't want honor. We don't want anyone to appreciate honor. And don't
ever compare yourself with another wife and say, oh, she does it so I
must also do it.

No, you don't have to do it. You're different. Maybe you can do nothing.

Maybe you've got too many children. She's got only one or none. And if
something doesn't get done, the world's not going to collapse if
something doesn't get done.

And I'll tell you something. I would sometimes announce, brothers and
sisters, next Sunday, we are going to fast after the Sunday morning
service and not eat at all. Have a good breakfast and come here.

Nobody's going to bring any lunch, like we've always done. We're going
to fast and spend a couple of hours in prayer. I'm not asking you to do
it.

I'm saying I would do something like that just to get people out of the
feeling that I have to do this. I'll tell you, you're going to ask your
wives to tell you honestly, not just about the food part. But are there
things you feel I must do because others in the church are doing it.

It's a slavery. It'll make your wife crack up. Please be merciful to
them.

That's all I say. With the wisdom I have today, I would do it. I wish I
had that wisdom when I was 35.

One more question from the list that was posed. Some men are a little
bit more emotionally, more emotional. They may cry more.

You started with act like men be strong. Should people, men who have
that kind of a temperament, should they be trying to be different? Is
there an aspect of Christian manhood that is not as I say? I'll show
them. First of all, Jesus cried when he looked at Jerusalem.

He wept at the tomb of Lazarus when he knew that in five minutes this
man was going to come out of the grave. What was he weeping for? He saw
the others weeping and he wept for them. And Peter, the great mighty
strong Christian man, he wept.

There's nothing wrong with weeping. I've been tremendously, I've wept
many times because I found I've been strengthened. It's absolutely true.

Blessed are they that mourn. It's one of the Vietnamese, Matthew 5. They
shall be comforted. And I've always translated the word comfort from the
middle F-O-R-T in the middle of that word, strengthened.

I always read comforted as strengthened. Blessed are those who mourn for
they shall be strengthened. And I tell you, I've been strengthened and
I've never been ashamed to weep and mourn before the Lord.

Many times when I'm lying in bed and awake, even now, something or the
other, it's not weeping for sin. That also, more in the earlier days, or
if I slipped up, sometimes, oh Lord, I got a little proud there.
Somebody said something good about me and for a moment it bucked me up.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I said, Lord, when will I get rid of this? That I
will not be puffed up if somebody said something good about me. I'll
immediately give it to you and I won't be proud even for a moment.

So there are things that make me weep and I do and I tell you, blessed
are those who mourn. They are strengthened and I have been strengthened
through that. So to act like a man does not mean we never weep.

Be a man and weep like Jesus. Like Jesus. Because we all have got that.

So man, you know, who won the world wrestling championships? Jesus was
not like that. He had a very tender heart.

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Video: https://sermonindex2.b-cdn.net/ZqDYg_vnvNY.mp4
Source: https://sermonindex.net/speakers/zac-poonen/being-a-christlike-husband/
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