19. "Sometimes I fear that I have sinned away my day of grace, for though I have been seeking the Lord for a long time, I do not seem to find Him.”

No one has sinned away his day of grace who has any desire to be saved. That desire is divinely implanted. If you are seeking after God it is because He is seeking after you. But, what, after all, do you really mean when you talk of seeking the Lord and being unable to find Him? He is not hiding Himself. He has come in love to sinners as the good Shepherd seeking the lost sheep.
A little boy was asked one day, "My lad, have you found Jesus?" He looked up in amazement and replied, "Why, sir, I didn't know He was lost, but I was, and He found me." A wonderful confession surely!
In Old Testament times God said through the prophet, "Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near"; and there is a sense in which these words are still applicable. But they do not convey the full truth of the gospel. Jesus said, "The Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost" (Luke 19:10). Are you lost? Then He is looking for you. "Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord." Stop right where you are and lift your heart to Him as a repentant sinner, and you will find He is waiting and ready to receive you.
And as to sinning away your day of grace, has He not said, "Whosoever will may come." Are you not included in that great word "whosoever"? Unless you can prove that it does not take you in, you are still where the grace of God can reach you. Do not listen to the lying voice of the enemy of your soul, who tells you that your case is hopeless, but heed the gentle invitation of Him who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, as He bids you now believe on His name.
“And if I now would seek Him,
In love He sought for me,
When far from Him I wandered
In sin and misery;
He opened my ears and bade me
To listen to His call;
He sought me and He found me—
Yes, Christ has done it all.”