Husband and Wife: A Partnership!

Husband and Wife: A Partnership!
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands . . . Your beauty should not come from outward adornment Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfalding beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect. (1 Peter 3:1–7)
WE HAVE COME TO A SORRY TIME in history when public speakers - including many preachers - see fit to deal with problems between men and women, husbands and wives, as a kind of humor calling for a bushel of laughs.
Throughout man's existence, the biological positions of the two sexes have remained unchanged, but psychological attitudes and the social relationships have been altered radically.
In recent years there has been a positive and radical revolution with respect to the relationships of the sexes and I think its origin can largely be traced in the United States. It is an impossibility for me to analyze here the impetus and the details of this movement which has been widely acclaimed as seeking "liberation" for women of the world.
The only rule to follow
What I do want to say about the relationships of husbands and wives will boil down to this: for the Christian of either sex, there is only one rule to follow and this is, "What does the Bible say?"
Christians are first of all children of God, and as children of God we are committed to the Word of God. We are committed to a Man and a book, the man being the Lord Jesus Christ and the book, of course, the Holy Scriptures.
When we have discovered what the Bible has to say with finality about any subject and have determined what pleases the Man in the glory, there is no room left for arguments.
In this epistle, Peter makes a plain statement that Christian wives ought to be in subjection to their own husbands, enforcing what the Bible seems to teach in other places - that the man as head of the race is head of the home.
Go back to Genesis and you will find that God made Adam from the dust of the ground and blew the breath of life into his nostrils. Then, because it was not good for him to be alone, God made the woman from a part of the man - and the woman must understand and accept that.
But, quickly and on the other hand, it must be said that there is absolutely no scriptural authority, neither precept nor biblical example, to allow any husband to behave as a brutal lord, ruling his home with an iron hand.
Read again the story of Abraham and Sarah and you will note the noble leadership of the man Abraham. He never ruled with an iron hand!
Go on to poor Jacob with all of his domestic difficulties. There was always a graciousness and a kindness within his family circle!
You continue through Old Testament history and although it was a bit in the shadows compared with the New Testament, still and nevertheless, there was never any brutal masculine domination in the families with whom God was dealing.
Supplement one another
In your serious study of the Bible as the Word of God, you will have to agree that the Bible seems to teach that the husband and wife should supplement one another. In other words, it seems to be the will of God that husband and wife together may become what neither one could be apart and alone!
Certainly the Bible picture is plain in denying the husband any right to be a dominating despot delighting in hard-handed dealings with his wife and family.
On the other hand, neither is a dominating and rebellious wife ever recognized nor approved in the Scriptures! An overwhelming and mischievous wife is the product of sin and unbelief and such a role had no place whatsoever in God's will for the Christian family.
There is to be the understanding that two people have entered into a covenant by their choice and by force of circumstance, living in the same home and situation. The understanding should include the fact that the husband, according to the Scripture and the will of God, is the head of the race and the home, but that he should function wisely, according to Peter's gentle admonition: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives."
Peter is advising the husband to use his head and the common sense he has been given: " . . . treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life" (1 Peter 3:7b).
In other words, husband and wife are children of God together, equal heirs of the grace of life.
If we will remember this fact prayerfully, I think we will become aware that it is at this point that chivalry was born! I am speaking of Christian chivalry, as we understand it.
The world in which we live and the society of which we are a part have often sought to lampoon and satirize the concept of woman as the weaker vessel. There have been thousands of jokes, and cartoonists have had a field day with their drawings of the buxom woman leading the meek, little lamb-of-a-man down the street.
But we remember that the Scriptures say that the man and the woman are heirs together of the grace of life. Husband and wife, if both are Christians, are Christian heirs together! They are united in their strongest bond - they are one in Jesus Christ, their Savior!
Now, Peter makes a very strong comment in this passage for the benefit of husbands. He says that if husbands do not treat their wives with consideration and respect their prayers will be hindered.
I suppose there are many Christian husbands whose prayers are not being answered and they can think up lots of reasons. But the fact is that thoughtless husbands are simply big, overbearing clods when it comes to consideration of their wives.
Live according to knowledge
If the husband would get himself straightened out in his own mind and spirit and live with his wife according to knowledge, and treat her with the chivalry that belongs to her as the weaker vessel, remembering that she is actually his sister in Christ, his prayers would be answered in spite of the devil and all of the other reasons that he gives.
A husband's spiritual problems do not lie in the Kremlin nor in the Vatican but in the heart of the man himself - in attitude and inability to resist the temptation to grumble and growl and dominate!
There is no place for that kind of male rulership in any Christian home. What the Bible calls for is proper and kindly recognition of the true relationships of understanding and love, and the acceptance of a spirit of cooperation between the husband and wife.
An unbelieving spouse
Peter also seeks to give us a plain answer in this passage concerning the life and conduct of a Christian wife who has an unbelieving and scornful husband.
We dare not deal with this only as a problem out of ancient history. In all of our congregations, we do face the question of the Christian wife: "How do I adjust my Christian life so that I can be obedient to the Scriptures while I am living with a man who hates God and showers me with grumbling and abuse when I insist that I am going to God's house?"
First, we must admit that there is the kind of woman who talks about praying for her husband, but she will never live to see him converted because she refuses the scriptural position that God has given her, and more bluntly because her husband has never seen any spiritual characteristics in her life that he would want for himself!
Peter could hardly give Christian wives any plainer counsel: "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives" (1 Peter 3:1–2).
The scriptural advice is to this effect: that the quiet, cooperative Christian wife is a powerful instrument for good in the home, and without too many words, is still an evangelist hard to resist. Peter strongly infers that the man, seemingly rejecting her doctrine and laughing at her faith, is badly smitten deep in his own conscience by her meek and quiet spirit and her chaste conversation coupled with godly fear.
In summary, we have mentioned two extremes - the harsh husband whose prayers are not answered, and the wife whose life does not show consistent godliness and patience in adversity.
I thank God that in between those two positions there are great throngs of good, decent people trying to do the best they can for God in their life situations, overlooking the obvious irritations and together experiencing the grace of God!
I thank God indeed for that great number of believing men and women who get along together in Christ's bonds and with the help of the Spirit of God succeed in establishing a consistent example to their families, their neighbors and their friends!
I am aware that at about this point some of you are wondering if I will ignore the rest of Peter's admonition to the Christian women of his day.
There is a problem in this passage, but I may die tomorrow and I would not want to die knowing that only a day before I had been too cowardly and timid to deal with a text of Scripture!
Counsel to wives
Here it is, in Peter's counsel to the wives:
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self. (3:3–4a)
First, notice the manner in which Peter lifts the entire questions up and beyond the plane where there is division between the sexes and puts the matter on a spiritual plane where there is no division and where it is the hidden being of the heart and the spirit that really matters.
Second, what does the Bible really teach here about the outward adorning of the person?
It says that the woman is not to seek to be attractive by outward adorning and dress. Does it expressly forbid the braiding of the hair, the wearing of gold and the putting on of fine clothes? This is a question often asked.
Let's say "yes" and then go on from there and see where we stand.
When I was a boy every little girl had a pigtail that came to her hips. The longer the pigtail the prouder the girl!
Does the Bible say, then, that a woman must not be adorned with braided hair?
If we say, "Yes, that's what it means" - that rules out the braiding of your hair.
The advice continues: "Let it not be the wearing of gold."
Does that mean that gold can never be worn in any way by a Christian woman?
We will agree for the moment and say that gold is out!
"Nor the putting on of fine clothes."
Now, wait a minute! We are in trouble with our reasoning here, because this certainly does not mean that the woman is not to put on any nice clothes.
If it doesn't mean a strict ban on fixing the hair or wearing of gold or putting on of fine clothes, what does it mean?
It means the true attractiveness of the person is not outward but inward! Therefore, the Christian woman should remember that she cannot buy true attractiveness - that radiance which really shines forth in beauty is of the heart and spirit and not of the body!
That is what Peter meant and anything else by way of exclusion or structure is of narrow, private interpretation and will lead into an unloving fanaticism!
There is not one line of expression here that would lead us to believe that Peter was laying down the law that it is wrong for a woman to braid her hair. The women know they have to do something with it!
Nor is there anything in the Scripture that teaches that the use of gold is forbidden in proper ways. God in creation made gold and strung it all around. It is pretty to look at and it is an element in itself. If we have any of it and can afford it, there is nothing in the Scripture that says "Don't wear it" any more than it says, "Don't wear fine clothes!"
Don't let apparel be your attractiveness
So, the teaching is plain: don't let your apparel be your true attractiveness. Don't try to substitute gold jewelry for the true beauty of the being!
I am sure that we would not be mistaken to presume that Peter had a reason for writing this, for history bears out the fact that there were customs and fads and styles in those days, too.
I suppose it was the vogue and the thing to do - make the braided hair a kind of work of art, with great displays of gold and jewelry and fine apparel among the worldly and unsaved women of that pagan time.
Perhaps Peter sounds a trifle sour to some when he writes and says, "You Christian women are a different kind of person than you were before you knew the Lord. As Christians you should be more interested in character and inward spiritual life than in your clothing and adornment."
Slovenly habits and appearance
Having said this about the true inward attractiveness of the person, it must also be said that no Christian woman should ever sink into slovenly habits of dress and appearance. How can it be possible for any Christian woman, carrying her big Bible and teacher's quarterly, to become known as a proverbial "dowd"?
She cannot impress me with her professed spirituality. I can only shrug and think about her unkempt dress: "Did she go to the old bureau in the attic and pull out the old rag or did she sleep in it?"
I can be very positive about this - I don't believe that true spirituality can afford to leave that kind of slovenly impression. There is no place in the heart of Jesus Christ nor in that of the tender, artistic Holy Ghost for dowdiness nor dirt nor inconsistency!
I remember the account of the old Quaker brother who had to make a call at the home of one of the Christian sisters in his city. They greeted one another in the traditional dignified manner of the Quakers and then had a brief conversation about the things of God.
As he was about to leave, she said, "Brother, would you care to pray with me before you go?"
He said, "No," and she said, "Why?"
He answered, "Your house is dirty and God never told me to get down on my knees in a dirty house. Clean up your house and I will come back and pray."
Perhaps she had been too busy praying to keep the house clean, but I believe an orderly and well-kept house would have helped her Christian testimony, and perhaps she could have prayed better, as well.
Four simple words
Now, there has to be some sort of outward adorning and I would summarize it in four familiar words: clean, neat, modest, appropriate.
None can say that they do not understand the word clean. However poor we may be, we may still be clean. Nearly everyone has enough water available for basic cleanliness.
Why can't we all be neat in our daily contacts? I do not think anyone ever needs to look as though he had gone through a cyclone and had no time since to get "accumulated."
In our day, some folks seen to think the word modest is a comical word. You can laugh it off if you want to, but it is one of the words that we will face in that great day of coming judgment.
In our Christian lives, we should know the strength of the word appropriate. I think every Christian woman should dress appropriately, properly and suitably to her circumstances and to her income. A Christian woman who tries to give out tracts dressed in loud, flashy apparel or in dirty and disheveled garb will be a poor advertisement for the gospel she is trying to proclaim publicly!
I realize that some women excuse their manner of dress in public by the fact that they have so little money to spend for clothing.
I contend that a woman still doesn't have to be grotesque in her garb even though she must wrestle with the problems of small income.
You know that I ride the public buses occasionally and for the small price of the fare it is a wonderful place to observe human nature.
When I see some of the inappropriate and grotesque things worn by women boarding the buses I have wondered why others in the family did not protest: "Please, Mama, don't go out like that! People will think you have escaped."
I think there is a great contradiction apparent among us. Many women are working so hard in all kinds of jobs that they are making themselves old in the effort to get money enough to buy the clothes and cosmetics that are supposed to make them look young.
As far as I am concerned, it does not reflect any credit on the common sense or spirituality of any woman who knowingly goes beyond her financial bracket to decorate herself for the sake of appearance!
A proper model of character
Finally, I think that a Christian woman must be careful about the kind of person she sets up as a model of character and example in daily life. It is a sad thing to have our minds occupied with the wrong kind of people.
I don't think English history books will ever report that Suzanna Wesley was one of the best-dressed women of her day or that she ever received a medal for social activity. But she was the mother of Charles and John Wesley, those princes of Christian song and theology. She taught her own family, and her spiritual life and example have placed her name high in God's hall of fame for all eternity.
So, if you want to take models to follow day by day, please do not take the artificial, globe-trotting females who are intent only upon themselves, their careers and their publicity. Rather, take Sarah, the princess who gave her love and obedience to Abraham; or Suzanna Wesley or Florence Nightingale, Clara Barton or Mary Fuller.
There are so many good examples and it is a serious matter, for the judgment shall declare every person's faith and work and influence!
I have not been trying just to fill the role of a feminine counselor, but to remind you that the Apostle Peter, a great man of God, said it all a long time ago! True adorning is the lasting beauty that is within. It is the glowing but hidden being of the heart, more radiant than all of the jewels that one can buy!
God help us all, men and women of whatever marital, social or domestic status, that we may do the will of God and thus win our crown!