Vol 16 - TO THE LADY CULROSS,

TO THE LADY CULROSS,
MADAM,
GRACE, mercy, and peace, be to you! I am the first in the kingdom put to utter silence. I cannot preach my LORD's righteousness in the great congregation. I am, notwithstanding, the less solicitous how it go, if there be not wrath in my cup. But I rest on this, that in my fever my Physician is at my bedside, and that he sympathizeth with me when I sigh. Another man's bed and fireside, and other losses, have no room in my sorrow: a greater heat, to eat out a less fire, is a good remedy for some burning. I believe, when CHRIST draweth blood, he has skill to cut the right vein; and that he has taken the whole ordering and disposing of my sufferings. Let Him tutor me, and tutor my crosses, as he thinketh good: there is no danger nor hazard in following such a guide, although he should lead me through hell, if I could put faith foremost, believing to see the salvation of GOD. I know, CHRIST is not obliged to let me see both the sides of my cross, or to turn it over and over, that I may see all: my faith is richer to live upon credit, CHRIST'S borrowed money, than to have much in my hand. Let me be a sinner, and worse than the chief of sinners, yea, a guilty Devil; yet I am sure my Well beloved is GOD: and when I say, " CHRIST is GOD," and " My CHRIST is Golly" I have said all things; I can say no more. I would I could build as much upon this, " My CHRIST is GOD," as it would bear. I might lay all the world upon it. But my wounds are sorest, and pain me most, when I sin against his love and his mercy: and if he would set me and my conscience together, and let us settle it between us, my spitting upon the fair face of CHRIST'S love and mercies, by my jealousies, unbelief, and doubting, would be enough to sink me. O LORD, I stand dumb before thee for this; I still misbelieve, though I have seen that my LORD has made my cross as it were all crystal, so that I can see through it CHRIST and heaven, and that on has honored a lump of sinful flesh and blood, to be CHRIST's honorable LORD prisoner. I ought to esteem the walls of a filthy dungeon most beautiful, for my LORD JESUS; and yet I am not so shut up, but that the sun shineth upon my prison, and the fair wide heaven is the covering of it. But my LORD has done more; for he makes me find, that he will be a prisoner with me: he lieth down, and riseth up with me; when I sigh, he sigheth; when I weep, he suffereth with me. And I confess here is the blessed issue of my’suffering already begun, in that my heart io filled with hunger and desire to have him glorified in my sufferings. I have no more free goods in the world for CHRIST, save that: it is both the whole heritage I have, and all my moveables, besides; " LORD, give the thirsty man to drink." I would not have CIRIST's love entering in me, but I would enter into it, and be swallowed up of it. Blessed be my rich LORD JESUS, who sends not away beggars from his house! He filleth the vessel of such as will come and seek: we might beg ourselves rich, (if we were wise,) if we could but hold out withered hands to CHRIST, and learn to seek, ask, and knock. Madam, let me have your prayers, as ye have the prayers and blessing of him that is separated from his brethren. Grace, grace be with you!
Your own in his LORD JESUS,
S. R.
Aberdeen, Jane 15, 1631.