10. Anecdotes 91-100

Spurgeon's Anecdotes #91-100 91. Too Much of a Calf A certain American, a D.D., in an interview with Mr. Spurgeon, told him that he was going to Germany to study. "Haven't you any theological seminaries in America?" asked Mr. S. "Yes," said the doctor, "but I don't think I know everything, though I graduated at Princeton, and I am going to Germany to try and learn more." "Well," said Mr. Spurgeon, "I hope you will not be like the calf I once heard of. The milk of one cow was not enough for it, so they gave it the milk of two, and the more milk it drank the more of a calf it became."

92. True Religion no Joking Matter

Mr. Spurgeon loved true mirthfulness, and was an advocate for cheerfulness in a preacher. He loved a good joke, and sometimes made them, but he observed the Scriptural rule: "To everything there is a season." He tells of a man who was dying, and sent for the minister to visit him. When the minister came in, the dying man said to him, "Do you remember a young man walking with you one evening, some years ago, when you were going to preach?"

"No; I do not."

"I recollect it very well," said the sick man. "Do you not remember preaching at such and such a village, from such and such a text, and after the service a young man walked home with you?"

"Oh, yes, I remember that very well."

"Well, I am the young man who walked home with you that night; I remember your sermon; I shall never forget it."

"Thank God for that," said the preacher.

"No," answered the dying man, "you will not thank God when you have heard all I have to say. I walked with you to the village, but you did not say much to me on the way there, for you were thinking over your sermon. You deeply impressed me while you were preaching, and I was led to think about giving my heart to Christ. I wanted to speak to you about my soul on the way home; but the moment you got out you cracked a joke, and all the way back you made such fun upon serious subjects that I could not say anything about what I felt, and it thoroughly disgusted me with religion and all who professed it; and now I am going to hell, and my blood will lie at your door as sure as you are alive." And so he passed out of the world.

93. Two Hearts A girl having applied to Mr. Spurgeon to become a member of the church, he very properly asked her some testing questions.

"Have you a good heart?" he inquired.

"Yes, sir," she replied.

"Have you thought over that question?" said he. "Have not you an evil heart?"

"Oh, yes," was her answer.

"Well," said he, "how do your two answers agree?"

"Why," responded the girl, "I know that I have a good heart, because God has given me a new heart; and I also know that I have an evil heart, for I often find it fighting against my new heart."

"The girl was right," says Mr. Spurgeon.

94. Verses in a Tradesman's Window In 1854, when Mr. Spurgeon had been in London scarcely twelve months, the neighbourhood in which he laboured was visited by Asiatic cholera, and his congregation suffered from its inroads. Family after family summoned him to the bedside of the smitten, and almost every day he was called to visit the grave. He gave himself up with youthful ardour to the visitation of the sick, and was sent for from all corners of the district by persons of all ranks and religions. He became weary in body and sick at heart. His friends seemed falling one by one, and he felt, or fancied, that he was sickening like those around him. A little more work and weeping would have laid him low among the rest. He felt that his burden was heavier than he could bear, and he was ready to sink under it. But one day, as God would have it, when returning mournfully home from a funeral, curiosity led him to read a paper which was wafered up in a shoemaker's window in the Dover Road. It did not look like a trade announcement, nor was it, for it bore in a good, bold hand, these words: "Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my Refuge, even the Most High, thy habitation, there shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling." The effect on him was immediate. Faith appropriated the passage as her own. He felt secured, refreshed, and girt with immortality. He went on with his visitation of the dying in a calm and peaceful spirit; he felt no fear of evil, and he suffered no harm. The providence which moved the tradesman to place those verses in his window, he gratefully acknow- ledged, and in the remembrance of their marvellous power he adored the Lord his God.

95. "What the Young Usher has to Say."

While at Newmarket Mr. Spurgeon consented to give an address on missions at a public Sunday-school examination. In the audience was a clergyman. During the examination he heard of the death of his gardener, and at once left for home; but while on his way he began to reason with himself thus:—"The gardener is dead; I cannot restore him to life; I will return and hear what the young usher has to say on missions." He heard the address, and showed his approval by presenting the young speaker with a sovereign.

96. Where could the Child be?

Outside Stambourne Meeting there was a horseblock, for the convenience of lady riders. When the large lime trees shed their leaves in autumn, the old chapel-keeper would sweep them up and ram them into the horseblock. Sometimes the child C. H. was lost. His guardian angels knew where he was, but no one else.

"But, Charles," said his dear old Aunt Ann, one day in recent years, "where did you get to when you were such a little child? We used to look for you everywhere, but we never found you till you came walking in by yourself."

"The horseblock was the usual haunt when there were leaves, and an old tomb would serve at other times."

97. Who Opened his Mouth? A man once wrote to Mr. Spurgeon to ask him whether he ought to preach or not. As he did not know enough of the man to give him a definite answer, he replied to this effect:—"If the Lord has opened your mouth, the devil cannot shut it; but if the devil has opened it, may the Lord shut it up."

Six months afterwards he met the man, and he thanked him for his letter, which, he said, greatly encouraged him to go on in preaching.

"How is that?" said Mr. Spurgeon.

"Why, you said, 'If the Lord has opened your mouth, the devil cannot shut it.'"

"Yes, I did say so; but I also put the other side of the question."

"Oh!" said he at once, "that part did not relate to me."

98. "With Great Discretion."

Mr. Spurgeon once met a High Churchman, who told him that he had purchased Feathers for Arrows. Said he, "Some of the illustrations are very telling; but they have to be used with great discretion." His words seemed to imply that the expressions were possibly a little too strong, and perhaps somewhat rough and unpolished here and there.

"Well," said Mr. Spurgeon, "that is how I wrote them."

"He looked at me," says Mr. S., "but he said nothing; probably it had never occurred to him that the same kind of discretion was necessary in making the illustrations as in using them."

99. Woman's, A Persistent, Liberality

Mr. Spurgeon had been preaching in a country village, and a good woman gave him five shillings. He said to her, "I do not want your money."

"But you must take it," she said; "I give it to you because I get good from you."

"Shall I give it to the College?" said Mr. S.

"I don't care about the College. I care about you."

"Then I will give it to the Orphanage."

"No; you take it yourself."

"But you want it more than I do."

"Now," she said, "do you think that your Lord and Master would have talked like that to the woman who came and broke the alabaster box over Him? I do not think He would. I know you do not mean to be unkind. I worked extra to earn it, and I give it to you."

He told her that she owed him nothing, and that that woman owed the Lord everything. He asked again, "What am I to do with it?"

"Buy anything you like with it. Only, mind, you must have it for yourself."

100. Zacchaeus

Mr. Spurgeon sometimes sought to draw out the ability of his students as extempore speakers by passing round several slips of paper, each having a subject written on it. Each man took a paper, and was expected to speak impromptu on the subject named. One man drew the subject Zacchaeus. He at once rose and spoke to this effect:—"My subject is Zacchaeus, about which allow me to say:

"First, Zacchaeus was a man of small stature; so am I.

"Second, Zacchaeus was very much up a tree; so am I.

"Third, Zacchaeus made haste and came down; so will I," and at once resumed his seat. "Go on," shouted the brethren, "go on." "No," said Mr. Spurgeon, "he could not improve upon that if he tried ever so much."