1.04.08. Book 4: Numbers 137-158

137 WEARIED WITH HIS JOURNEY His thoughts said, I could do better work for my Lord if it were not that I am tired. I am tired of being tired. His Father said, Jesus, being wearied with His journey, sat thus on the well. Art thou not willing to be wearied with thy journey? Many are wearied in the service of self, the world, earthly glory-thou art loosed from that bondage. Rejoice in thy liberty to be weary for His sake who loved thee and gave Himself for thee. Abide in His love, and thou shalt learn to give as He gave, even in weariness; to live as He lived, more than conqueror over the flesh.

138 IN A BODY THAT I PREPARED His thoughts said, 0 that God would grant me the thing that I long for, even a quick release. Yea, I would exult in pain that spareth not but breaketh the vessel in pieces as a potter’s vessel is broken. I would exult in that which set me free to serve in vigour again. His Father said, My holy Child Jesus spoke differently. His only care was to fulfil My will. He said, "I am content to do it." He did not ask for a quick release. Listen to Him: "I have glori­fied Thee on the earth: I have finished the work which Thou gavest Me to do." Hast thou finished the work that I have given thee to do? But the son said, Surely the corruptible body presseth down the soul; the earthly tabernacle weigheth down the mind? And his Father answered, When He, thy Master and Lord, carne into the world, He said, "A body hast Thou prepared Me." In that body He did My Will. As He was, so art thou, in a body that I prepared.

139 BESIDE THE THINGS WHICH I OMIT His thoughts said, There is something very noble in St. Paul’s list of sufferings, labours, stripes, prisons, persecutions. They are glorious sufferings. Nothing that I have to bear could find a place in such a list. His Father said, Hast thou read the words, Beside the things which I omit, Beside the things that come out of course? What if the things that thou hast to bear be those that come out of course, the omitted things of that list?

140 THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS His thoughts said, The things which have happened unto me do not seem to have fallen out unto the furtherance of the Gospel -they seem to be very hindering. His Father said, If thou hadst under­standing in the visions of God, thou wouldest know that all things work to­gether for good not only for him who loveth, but for that on which his heart is set. And to the words, "all things," there are no exceptions.

141 I WILL SPEAK PRIVATELY TO THAT HEART The son said, But if one, whom in other days Thou didst often touch and heal, be ill even after pressing through to Thee with full purpose of heart, what then? His Father said, Then I will speak privately to his heart. The world will not hear what I say, but his heart will hear. The word will be fulfilled to him, By day the Lord will command His mercy, and manifest it by night.

142 NOT I, PAUL, THE PRISONER OF NERO His thoughts said, And yet-frustrations, limitations, 0 to have done with them! His Father said, Remember, I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus; not I, Paul, the prisoner of Nero. And the son called to mind a pearl­-oyster shell which had surprised and charmed him. Two friends looking at it together saw it differently. One saw a broad black band running round the rim. The other saw a rainbow. Yet both were looking at the same time at the same shell. And he knew that what he saw depended upon how he looked, and how the light fell upon that on which he looked. He was in Nero’s prison, but he was not the prisoner of Nero. He was the prisoner of Christ Jesus, his triumphant, adorable Lord.

143 AS THOU HAST BORNE THOU SHALT ALSO BEAR His thoughts said, Some words baffle me. How can our body of humiliation be fashioned like unto the glorious body of our Lord? His Father said, Canst thou explain the words, "According to the working whereby He is able even to subdue all things unto Himself"? If thou hast no line to sound the depths of that "according to", why be surprised that thou art baffled by any other words? The son answered, I know that Thou canst do everything, but all in me beareth the image of the earthy. Then he listened in silence awhile, and he thought he heard a Voice saying, As thou hast borne the image of the earthy, thou shalt also bear the image of the heavenly.

144 A GARDEN OF DELIGHT His thoughts said, Life used to be to me a Garden of Delight, for I could minister continually as every day’s work required; but now it is not so. His Father said, It is written that some were expressed by name to give thanks to the Lord. Sing songs to Him and sing hymns to Him. The hearts that seek His pleasure shall rejoice. Seek the Lord and be strong-thou hast read those happy words. If thou art one of that company, expressed by name, is it not enough to cause any kind of life to be a Garden of Delight?

145 ONLY FOR A SEASON His thoughts said, There is so much to help me, and I have so many comforts that I am ashamed to feel oppressed. And yet at times I am, as it were, bound down by oppressions. His Father said, Take a very simple prayer and say it now: Lord, I am op­pressed, undertake for me, ease me. This oppression is only for a season. Is there not heart’s ease in that? The son answered, Thy consolations have soothed my soul. Thou hast loosed my bonds. And he remembered the story of Joseph, who was laid in iron-until the King sent and loosed him and let him go free. And he knew that there was an end to bonds and rejoiced in the words, The Lord looseth the fettered ones.

146 THE SUM OF THINGS SHOWN ABOUT BONDS

If illness and pain were from God, doctors and nurses would be working against Him, not with Him. Luke the beloved Physician would be Luke the mis­taken Physician. And no loyal child of the Father, crushed by accident or illness, could touch the slightest alleviation, not even a hot-water bottle; for to resist would be rebellion. But if an enemy hath done this, the Christian has a good right to resist. We are not told why the enemy is allowed to do as he does in this or any other realm of life. Deuteronomy 28:29 reminds us that God has His secret things. His way is in the sea and His path in the great waters and His footsteps are not known. The oil of James and the figs of Heze­kiah’s poultice, those ancient Eastern re­medies, are with us to-day in the form of countless healing helps. They are God’s good gift to us. Sometimes He heals His own by a Touch which thrills the whole being. The recovered one is like Peter’s wife’s mother then. There is no convalescence. Life’s duty is taken up straight­way. Sometimes he heals through what we call means. Either way it is He who heals, and it is for Him to choose how He will heal. Our part is to co-operate, to set the forces of the will toward health, and to refuse to be dominated by the feeling of illness, depression, selfishness, weariness. If that be done, the prayer of faith is answered. The sick one is made sound so that he himself is well. (We are not our bodies.)

2. And if, after all, bodily healing does not come, as little as may be of the disappoint­ment should be shown to others. They have their own burdens to bear; why add to them? Strength will be given to ac­cept the answer of 2 Corinthians 12:9 and Luke 7:23, without yielding to weakening reactions. And perhaps, very, very humbly the ill one may follow into the deep places opened in Colossians 1:24 and John 11:4. ("There was some mysterious sense in which the sick man suffered in behalf of God’s glory, and was not merely a passive instrument.") Then looking up to his Father, believing that the day, even this kind of day, con­tinues by His arrangement, as the Septua­gint of Psalms 119:91 has it, he learns to trust that the day so arranged will not be lived in vain. This is no easy acquiescence. There is nothing easy about it. But the first answer to the prayer of Php 4:6 is peace. The first answer to the prayer of faith is peace. And to peace is added fortitude; and to fortitude longsuffering with joyfulness.

3. This joyfulness can be sharply assaulted, for to yield to bodily ills at all feels un­soldierly. At such times the will must resolutely turn from that aspect of illness which words, like infirm, invalid, disabled, laid aside, imply. We need be none of these feeble things. We can be firm, valid and able for some things, if not for others; and the Captain of our salvation does not treat His wounded soldiers as a house­keeper does her cracked china: He never "shelves" us. The singers sang, and the trumpeters sounded: and all this con­tinued until the burnt offering was finished, is a bugle call for a difficult day. For we are still soldiers; we enlisted for life. And soldiers have a sword. In the twelfth century, so tradition says, a sword was fashioned from a fragment of a meteorite. It is as perfect to-day as it was the day it left the hands of the ar­mourer. Not a stain of rust is found on that blade to which the Arabs have given the name, the Sword of God, the Life­-endowed. Our Sword is like that, stainless as Eternity. The accidents of time cannot affect it. It is ours for use in the wars of the Lord. The only thing that matters, then, is to throw all the energies of our being into the faithful use of this precious blade, and to refuse to scatter thoughts or sympathies on the trifles of the flesh which we are tempted to magnify. They cannot weaken the effectual action of the weapon that is ours as truly now as ever it was­-The Sword of God, the Life-endowed, the Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

4. So we come back to this: we may be in Nero’s prison, but we are not Nero’s prisoners. "My soul is among lions" appears to be true at times. "I was de­livered out of the mouth of the lion" is a delightful word for a delightful experience-it was once St. Paul’s. But if we are trusted with disappointment, as he was, and we find ourselves again among lions (re-arrested, and in bonds), the word still holds true, I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus. Never does Paul attempt to ex­plain the paradox, any more than he ex­plained why he left Trophimus at Miletus sick-a friend for whom he had surely prayed the prayer of faith. Explanations belong to Another Day.

Till that day dawn, though we may be in Nero’s prison, our prison-cell may be an illuminated place. "And a light shined in the cell"-these are shining words. They are singing words: And a light shined in the cell, And there was not any wall, And there was no dark at all, Only Thou, Emmanuel.

Light of Love shined in the cell, Turned to gold the iron bars, Opened windows to the stars, Peace stood there as sentinel.

Dearest Lord, how can it be That Thou art so kind to me?

Love is shining in my cell, Jesus, my Emmanuel.

147 HOW GREAT IS HIS GOODNESS AND HOW GREAT IS HIS BEAUTY The son remembered that Job was led into the place of peace, not by an explanation of the mystery of suffering, or even of the mysteries of creation, for nothing was explained; but by hearing the Voice of his Creator and Redeemer, and by knowing that He was mindful of him. And he thought of the countless touches of tenderness upon his life, and remember­ing these, he worshipped saying, How great is His goodness, and how great is His beauty!

148 ONE DAY THOU SHALT SEE The son was in deep sorrow, and he said, Never, never did I think of not being with him who is my very heart, when he came to the brink of the river. His Father said, Will he miss thy hand whom My hand holdeth? But his soul refused comfort and he said, What if he falter in the lonely places his feet must tread? His Father answered gently, Hast thou forgotten the Powers of Calvary? They overcame by the Blood of the Lamb. Hold fast to the faithfulness of My eternal word. However overcome the poor flesh may appear to be, the spirit even now is overcoming. One day thou shalt see all that is hidden from thee now.

149 WATER OF THE WELL OF BETHLEHEM

But, still uncomforted, the son cried out, O that one would give me to drink of the water of the well of Bethlehem, which is by the gate! His Father said, And if at this moment thy heart’s desire were given to thee, what wouldest thou do? Wouldest thou not pour it out unto thy Lord? Do so with the longing for that which is as the water of the well of Bethlehem to thee. Pour out the desire of thine heart to Me now. I will gather it up and give it to thee another day.

150 AND THE STRENGTH COMMANDED CAME The love of the Father was life to the son, and yet his thoughts said, It is as if something had given way. The walls of my being are shaken. There is nothing in me but brokenness. His Father said, Thou shalt not break.

Behold I have painted thy walls on My hands, and thou art continually before Me. Thy God hath sent forth strength for thee. Thy God hath commanded thy strength.

Then the son, remembering that, be­cause the words of his Lord were spirit and life, they were able to convey that of which they spoke, did at last gratefully receive those words. And the strength commanded came.

151 THAT RIVER LEAST OF ALL His thoughts said, Is the love of a dearly loved one the same after the river is crossed, or is it so swallowed up in joy that it is a little different? His Father said, It is not swallowed up in joy. It is the same love, different only in that it increaseth for ever with the increase of God. Of that thou canst know nothing yet. It is very far beyond thee. But this is within thy grasp: Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it-Rivers shall not drown it, that river least of all.

152 BEING THE CHILDREN OF THE RESURRECTION His thoughts said, 0 to see what he is doing! His Father said, He is walking in the Land of the Living. He is singing in the Courts of My House. He is serving in the fulness of joy, and rejoicing in the fulness of strength. He is serving without the distraction of the flesh in the freedom of the beauty of holiness. He has seen Him whom his soul loveth. He is satisfied. Take comfort from this: all the pain is on thy side, all the joy is on his. He will never feel the pang that rendeth thee. And then like great music came these words:

Neither can they die any more: For they are equal unto the angels; And are the Children of God, Being the Children of the Resurrection.

153 THOU SHALT LEARN TO DO WITHOUT The son answered his Father, saying, The Lord hath heard the voice of my weeping, I am well pleased that the Lord hath heard the voice of my prayer. Right dear in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. Thou Thyself hast led him over death to the Singing Land. And I know that there is a joy of birds in that land, and as for those who dwell there, joy shall take possession of them, and on their head shall be praise and exultation. There­fore I will offer to Thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving. Blessed be the Lord God of Israel from everlasting to everlasting. And now, said his Father tenderly, thou shalt learn the lesson set to the weaned child. Thou shalt learn to do without.

154 I AM THE GOD OF THE STARS

There was a night when the son was greatly distressed. He saw those he loved, beset, because they were bereft of one on whom he had counted to be a help to them. What if they lost their way? He had turned out the light, and there was no moon; but suddenly, between the branches of a leafy tree that grew outside his window, he saw the stars. At first he saw them distant, cold, and unregarding. They had looked down through countless generations upon broken hearts. They meant nothing to him, till suddenly piercing through the pain of the hour came words, simple as the words one would speak to a sorrowful child:

I am the God of the stars.

They do not lose their way, Not one do I mislay, Their times are in My hand, They move at my command.

I am the God of the stars.

To-day as yesterday The God of thee and thine, Who are less thine than Mine; And shall Mine go astray?

I am the God of the stars.

Lift up thine eyes and see As far as mortal may

Into Eternity; And rest thy heart on Me. The son looked again, and now the stars were not distant, cold, unregarding. And he looked unto the God of the stars from whom cometh our help.

155 UNTO MYSELF The son asked, What is death? His Saviour answered, I will come again and receive you unto Myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. The son repeated those peaceful words, I will receive you unto Myself . . . And he wondered that men had given so harsh a name to anything so gentle as that which those words signified. They seemed melo­dious to him, each word like the pure note of a bell. And they were, he thought, as full of life as a flower in the sunshine is full of light.

156 WHAT DO WE MEAN BY HEAVEN? To one who said, We speak of Heaven, what do we mean by Heaven? the son answered, as turning to Another, Heaven is to behold Thy face in righteous­ness; To be satisfied when I awake with Thy likeness; To adore Thee in purity of spirit; To serve like Thy ministers, who do Thy pleasure; To know that even I shall never more grieve Thee; To exult in Thy Crowning, 0 my Saviour, my Redeemer; To be with Thee for ever who hast long been my Desire; To be with my beloved ones and never more be parted; To see all the comfortless comforted and all wrongs righted; To have light and leisure to learn, and infinite power to love.

If this be not Heaven, what is Heaven?

157 TO WHICH WORD?

Near the end of the day the son looked back. Among all the Comfortable words which had been spoken to him, to which did he now turn most often? And he knew it was to this: The Blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin; and this: Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that when He shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as He is.

158 THE PRAYER OF THE SON Think through me, Thoughts of God, My father, quiet me, Till in Thy holy presence, hushed, I think Thy thoughts with Thee.

Think through me, Thoughts of God, That always, everywhere, The stream that through my being flows May homeward pass in prayer.

Think through me, Thoughts of God, And let my own thoughts be Lost like the sand-pools on the shore Of the eternal sea.