02.09. CHAPTER 05 - TEACHING OUR CHILDREN PRINCIPLES AND NOT RULES
CHAPTER 05 - TEACHING OUR CHILDREN PRINCIPLES AND NOT RULES As mothers, we often think in terms of how to correct our children in a right way. But if we would only take some pains in instructing our children aright, we can avoid giving them a lot of unnecessary correction.
There should be very few rules that we make for our children. If we make too many rules, our children will either become legalistic or end up disobeying every rule we make. We must teach them principles rather than give them many rules. Simple instructions are better than complicated rules. The most important principles that we must teach our children are obedience to parents, being truthful, unselfishness, being respectful to older people, and having a concern for the rights of others. If they follow these principles, they will not need many rules. Later on in life when they leave home they will have these principles and values to guide them all their lives. The Bible promises that it will go well with children who honour their parents. So if we want it to go well with our children, we must teach them to honour us. They must also be taught to speak with respect to all older people.
We must teach our children to be unselfish, in practical ways at home. We must teach them to share their toys and the things that they like, with each other, and with others who come to our home.
Children must be taught to respect the property of others and never to steal. We must never allow them to bring home things from school that don’t belong to them. If our children see us borrowing things from others that we are not careful to return, they too will start doing the same thing themselves. Children are not naturally virtuous. They must be taught virtue.
Children should be encouraged to do manual work at home. But we shouldn’t give the same job to the same child repeatedly. We must rotate the jobs among the children so that each one gets a turn according to his/her ability. Thus we will be fair to all. We should not get our children habituated to receiving payment or reward for the work they do at home. I know there are different views on this. But there are dangers in this method. It may be all right occasionally. But otherwise our children must be taught that helping at home is the normal thing for everyone to do - father, mother and children. They must not feel that they are doing us a favour by helping us at home.
We must give our children the freedom to say whatever they want to us and to talk about any subject freely at all times. Of course, they should not be permitted to be rude or cheeky. But if we allow them to be free with us, we will soon discover the things that are bothering them. When they are aloof and quiet, we will know that something is wrong. We must win our children’s confidence and they must consider us as their closest friends. Our children will always value the fact that we mothers cared enough for them to help them and not just blame them. So if we take the time to cultivate fellowship with them, there will be less need to correct them. They will see the sacrifices we make for them and the wholehearted attention we give them - and they will respond to us warmly. Years later when they face pressures in life they will look back to similar situations when we mothers had faith and did not give up our faith....and how God brought us through that trial triumphantly. That is how their own faith will develop.
It is important that we never allow our children to be rude to any servants we have in our home. If we make our children apologise to a servant even once, that will often be enough to cure them of such behaviour. We must teach our children to be thankful to servants who help us in our homes. If our children earn some money or get a cash prize at school, they should be encouraged to get a gift for such servants, to show their appreciation for them. We must take it very seriously if our children ever despise anyone who works for us. The unfortunate circumstances of servants may have placed them lower in the social scale, but their Maker watches over them and will hold us parents responsible if our children despise them. If our children grow up with an attitude of superiority towards those who are socially lower, that will destroy our children in the long run. Asking forgiveness is difficult for all; it is worthwhile if we mothers set an example.
Oneness with our husbands is also very important. This will give us spiritual authority when we deal with our children. We must always do our best to resolve all differences of opinion with our husbands at the earliest opportunity. We should do this for the glory of God. But it is good for the sake of our children too. We cannot expect our children to submit to us if we ourselves don’t submit to our husbands. The spirit of rebellion can easily be brought into a home by an unsubmissive wife and then all the children can catch that infection from her!! We must never forget that we and our husbands have a common goal: The well-being of our children
We should avoid praising our children too much in public, since that could puff them up. They may think that what we are flattering them or that we are exaggerating. But it is good to encourage our children - both publicly and privately. But we have to be careful here - for praising one child publicly can lead to jealousy among the other children and can lead to sibling rivalry. It can also lead to the child beginning to behave self-righteously thereafter. Our home must be a foretaste of heaven. We must provide for our children a home that is like a "heaven on earth" - a place to which they can retreat from the battles, struggles and temptations they face in the world.