02.12. CHAPTER 08 - ENCOURAGING OUR CHILDREN
CHAPTER 08 - ENCOURAGING OUR CHILDREN
I consider encouraging our children to be the most important thing that we can ever do for them, as mothers. But alas, this is what is missing in most homes.
We see many children growing up warped and twisted in their personalities, because of parental abuse, lack of love or lack of fellowship. A child who has the misfortune of growing up in a home where he is never encouraged, is like a plant growing under the shade of a boulder that never gets to see the sunlight.
It is easy to praise and encourage a talented child or one who does well in studies or athletics. But it is the weaker child who needs encouragement the most. We must sense the need of such a child who may be hurting inwardly but does not express his hurt. A sensitive mother will be able to pick up his feelings as easily as a thermometer reads the temperature!! When a child feels inferior, or is not able to achieve what his older brothers have achieved, or feels rejected by his friends, and begins to feel unwanted, do we add to his pressures by scolding him when we should be encouraging him?
We can test ourselves by asking how often we use the word "Don’t" to our children. Let us tell our children what they should do and not just what they should not do.
Perhaps you feel that one of your children was born without your planning to have him/her. Have you ever said these words to anyone or to yourself perhaps: "This child was an accident". How contrary that is to the Word of God which says that "children are a gift of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). We need to value every child as a gift of God. God makes no mistake, even when we did not anticipate having a child.
We should never expose our children’s failures publicly or let them down publicly. Our children must know that we will be loyal to them even behind their backs.
We must also teach our older children to accept their younger brothers and sisters and not to be jealous of them, just because we spend more time with the younger ones. This can at times be a problem, when a new baby is born and it gets a lot of attention from everyone. But with God’s help, we can show our children that all of them are equally valuable to us.
How often we have failed to be compassionate to a child who has failed. Even if a child has backslidden or fallen into sin, a mother can still lead that lost lamb back into the Saviour’s fold by her loving concern and prayer. When a child has failed, that is not the time to scold him. God does not scold those who lack wisdom and neither should we (James 1:5). How much wisdom we ourselves need to be better mothers - and God doesn’t scold us!
Many backslidden children have been restored to the Lord through the faithful prayers of their mothers. So let us hold on to the promises of God without wavering.
If we spend time with our children, we will find that even while we are doing some ordinary task with them, they begin to open up and share their problems with us. And then we can encourage them to overcome and not to go under whatever they are facing. As our children grow older, we must treat them as mature adults and give them the respect that they are due. We must stop treating them like the babies they once were. Then we will find that they grow up to be our friends and they won’t be distant from us.
There are many opportunities we have, as our children grow up, to prove for ourselves the truth of the promises in Scripture. God’s providential care and concern will become a living reality to us, if we commit our children to Him day by day and live in dependence upon Him. Bringing up children can be a great means of spiritual maturity for us too. And this will ultimately affect the spiritual lives of our children as well. May God help each one of us to be faithful.
"When children live with criticism they learn to condemn,
When children live with hostility they learn to fight,
When children live with ridicule they learn to be shy,
When children live with shame they learn to feel guilty,
When children live with tolerance they learn to be patient,
When children live with encouragement they learn to be confident,
When children live with security they learn to have faith,
When children live with fairness they learn justice,
When children live with praise they learn to appreciate,
When children live with approval they learn to accept themselves,
When children live with friendship they learn to love."