01.27. Chapter 1 The home
Chapter 1 The home Living for each other The world of humankind is such that people of all kinds have to exist together, and to some extent depend on each other, to maintain human life. Christians share in this world the same as others, but for them there is a difference. For them there is a living God, and that God is concerned with every area of life. In other words, the Christians’ faith in God affects the way they live. Their relationship with God governs all other relationships.
Probably the most basic of all human relationships is that between a man and a woman, because without it human life could not be perpetuated. But the Christian view of this relation- ship involves more than mere sexual relations for the purpose of producing offspring. Sex is only one part of a total relationship where a man and a woman marry and commit themselves to each other for life. The perfect marriage From the beginning, God’s ideal for marriage has been that one man and one woman live together, independent of parents, in a union that is broken only by death. God intends people to have and to enjoy sexual relations, but only as part of this total marriage relationship. He does not approve of sexual relations before marriage or with any person other than one’s marriage partner. Not only is marriage more than a sexual union, but it is also more than a cultural custom or legal arrangement. It is an unselfish giving of each to the other in a lasting relationship, to the exclusion of all others. Divorce is therefore not part of God’s plan; nor is remarriage, except when the former marriage has ended through the death of either husband or wife.
Another characteristic of marriage as God intended it is equality between the sexes. The man and the woman may fulfil different roles, but there is no difference in status or dignity. The physical, psychological and emotional differences between male and female mean that each partner is equipped to do what the other cannot do. The two complement each other so that between them they form a unit. The exclusively male characteristics of the husband mean that he starts the process that produces children, and perhaps that is why he carries the ultimate responsibility for the family. The exclusively female characteristics of the wife enable her to bear children, and perhaps that is why she carries special responsibility for the children’s care. Husband and wife fulfil their roles and exercise their responsibilities in a relationship of freedom, equality, love and mutual respect.
Christian love
Christians, more than others, should try to live the way God intended people to live. Being part of an imperfect world, they can expect occasional disagreements with their marriage partner, but their new life in Christ should give them an attitude towards marriage that is different from that of other people.
One characteristic of the Christian life is loving self-sacrifice. Christian love means pleasing the other person rather than oneself. All Christians, husbands and wives included, are to love each other, submit to each other and give themselves for the sake of each other. ‘Submit yourselves to one another . . . Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord . . . Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it’ (Ephesians 5:21-25). When Christian husbands and wives live together in this kind of relationship, where each is willing to sacrifice self-interest for the sake of the other, they will find that their life together is enriched.
Since their relationship with God governs all their other relationships, Christians are warned not to marry those who do not share their faith in Christ. However, where one partner of a non-Christian married couple later becomes a Christian, the marriage should be maintained. In such a case, the Christian partner in particular should do everything possible to help the marriage function harmoniously.
Although the Bible condemns sexual relations outside marriage, it encourages a healthy and full-blooded enjoyment of sex within marriage. It recognizes human sexuality as one of God’s gifts, and, like all God’s gifts, it can be properly used or it can be shamefully abused. Prostitution and homosexual practices are therefore condemned in the Bible as perversions.
Family life In his concern for the continued existence and welfare of the human race, God desires more than simply that men and women should produce children. People do not exist in isolation, but as part of a vast society, and they are fitted for their part in that society by being brought up in families. Stability, love and co-operation in the family will help produce similar characteristics in society as a whole.
God has fashioned human nature in such a way that people naturally accept and exercise authority as part of the ordering of human life. He has, for example, given parents authority over their children, and requires children to obey their parents, simply ‘because it is right’ (Ephesians 6:1). This does not give parents the liberty to treat their children as they wish, for parents in turn are answerable to God for their behaviour. ‘Parents, do not treat your children in a way that provokes them to anger. Instead, bring them up with Christian discipline and instruction’ (Ephesians 6:4).
Christian parents cannot avoid their responsibility to instruct their children in Christian belief and behaviour by hoping that the children will learn such things at school or church. They have a duty to teach their children, but they will never be able to do this if they are ill-informed themselves.
Parents must support their teaching by example. They will do more harm than good if they do not practise in the home the ideals they teach their children. Parents must teach and practise the sacrifice of one’s own interests for the sake of others, so that the family is a place where people learn how to love others, forgive others, honour others and serve others. As parents and children pray together, talk together, have leisure time together, do work together and examine God’s Word together, they will understand each other better and trust each other more. In addition, they will find new confidence in the midst of a world of uncertainty. This training, however, starts not when children begin school, nor when they reach their teens; it starts in infancy and it starts in the home. Whatever children may be educated for at school, the training that equips them for life in general is the responsibility of the home.
Just as parents are not to leave the training of their children to the state, so those children, when they grow to adulthood, are not to leave the care of elderly parents to the state. Christians cannot use government welfare programs as a way of ignoring their family and social responsibilities.
Facing reality In every era and every culture, the breakdown of family life has resulted in widespread social disorder. If people reject what they consider restrictions in matters of marriage, sex, discipline and obedience, the result is not freedom, but chaos. Instead of peace there is conflict; instead of contentment there is tension and dissatisfaction. Trouble is inevitable when people refuse to follow the guidelines that God has laid down. After all, the Creator knows what is best for his creatures.
God’s plan for marital and family life is not a mere theoretical ideal. It is both workable and attainable. That does not mean that people are to expect perfection, but it does mean that if they are obedient to God they can expect to find in life the meaning and satisfaction that God intended.
Nevertheless, disorders arise in marriages and families, and at times become so complicated that there is no simple way to correct them. There are no clear-cut solutions to many problems. No matter what is done, some principle or ideal will be broken somewhere. The right course of action may involve choosing the lesser of two evils.
Christians must be people of understanding and discernment as well as people of principle. God’s standards do not change, and Christians must be like Jesus in upholding those standards when others want to destroy them. But they must also be like Jesus in giving help and support to those who, having broken God’s law, are later repentant. Christian morality and Christian love go together.