04.07. The Disciple as a Friend

VII THE DISCIPLE AS A FRIEND I would joy in your joy: let me have a friend’s part In the warmth of your welcome of hand and of heart,- On your playground of boyhood unbend the brow’s care, And shift the old burdens our shoulders mast bear.

-T. G. Whittier, OF all the words in our language which have been undergoing change of meaning, perhaps none have been more abused than this word "friend." Hav­ing as its root idea the thought of love -for it is really the present participle of the old Anglo-Saxon verb "freon," to love-it marked in old time the close union of two persons-other than rela­tives-in the bonds of sincere love for each other, love that made each, care for, and desire to serve, the other better than himself. It is now used too often in a loose way. A man is my friend to-day if he be but a passing acquaint­ance, or if we are on speaking terms. I want to write of the disciple as a friend in the older sense of comradeship-close heart-companionship. The word is a Bible word, and comes by transla­tion both from the Hebrew and the Greek, from words conveying this thought. The Hebrew word translated friend signifies an associate, and comes from the root "to pasture." So a friend is one of the flock, feeding together, sharing the very sustenance of life. The Greek word is the word lover, and so is in perfect harmony with the thought of the English word used for its translation.

Man, by virtue of his humanity, all the world over, seeks for friendship. The life of the hermit, the recluse, is abnormal. It is contrary to the very genius of human nature for man to live alone. This desire for friendship grows out of the deepest necessity of his na­ture, he being created for others as well as for himself. Sympathy, love, service, are the very essentials of human nature at its best, and these demand an object. So, in the largest and most general sense man is not intended to be alone. Coming into a closer consideration of this great law, we find among men this further necessity for personal friend­ship. Every man could not be a close companion of every other. We have to do with the selective law of affinity. That is the subtle, almost undefinable somewhat, which draws two people to­gether in a brotherhood, sometimes closer than the brotherhood of blood. We say undefinable, because it is often difficult to know why two particular persons are such friends. Affinity may mean conformity, agreement, resem­blance; it is also the union of bodies of a dissimilar nature in one harmonious whole. This law of personal friendship has held in all time. David and Jona­than have had their forerunners and successors throughout the generations of human kind. Now, in this, as in all other matters, Christ comes to fulfill and not to destroy. He sent His dis­ciples out two by two, as I believe, on a recognition of this great necessity in human life, and to this time in all Christian service and Christian living, the strength and joy of a strong per­sonal friendship is almost beyond com­putation.

1. Facing the disciple in this matter of friendship is a great limitation. He cannot enter into any close bond, save with those who are, like himself, sub­mitted to Jesus Christ. This is the highest law of all to him, and nothing that can possibly interfere with his re­lation to his Lord must be tolerated for a moment. The claim itself looks hard and arbitrary, but the infinite wisdom and love thereof has been evidenced by the sad results accruing to those who have disregarded it, and have formed friendships with the world which have proved to be enmity against God. The reason is perfectly clear to those who have a true conception of what discipleship really is, and how radically it differs from all other life.

2. Remembering this, now for a mo­ment consider how discipleship is in itself a perfect qualification for the highest form of friendship. Given two disciples of Jesus, drawn toward each other by the natural law of affinity, and see how His work in them fits them for a friendship of the strongest and most lasting kind.

I. There is the self-denial which He has enjoined upon them as the way of entrance upon discipleship, and the con­dition of its continuity. If self be. smitten to the death, the one most pro­lific source of dissension, and the break­ing up of friendship has gone. With what strength we can love and serve if we have lost our hold on self, with all its unceasing demands.

II. Then the common consecration of the life to the kingship of Jesus. Two people, loving each other, and each able to say, "That life which I now live in the flesh, I live in faith," (Galatians 2:20), have the will and the impulse of One, and that One, in way and work, is ever love.

III. Then yet further, there is com­munion of interest. It is written of the hosts that gathered to Hebron, that they were of "one heart to make David king." That common cause made a people, a nation, solid and strong. So with friendship in Jesus. The disciple has nothing to live for but by word, and deed, and prayer to bring on the day of his Lord’s crowning; and when two of these are brought into comradeship by natural law, and their friendship be­comes hot with the common fervor of a great purpose such as this, how strong and lasting must such friendship be.

3. Remembering the limitation and qualifications of friendship let us now proceed to consider the friendship of dis­ciples in itself. Each will cherish for the other a very high ideal of life, char­acter, and service, no less than the will of God in each. The prayer of Epaphras for the Colossian Christians "that ye may stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God" (Colossians 4:12) is a delightful statement of the desire that disciple-comrades ever cher­ish for each other, and the friendship is ever looked upon as a means to that end. So the very heart of the golden rule is reached in such friendship, for each does to the other what he would the other should do to him. When this is so, there comes that delightful sense of rest and naturalness in each other’s company which is the very essence of friendship.

Some years ago a friend gave me a quotation which I copied into my com­monplace book. It was from Mrs. Craik’s "Life for a Life," and I give it here as very beautifully expressing that thought. "Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pour them all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." That is the abiding condition of friends of Jesus. All necessity for re­serve and hiding is gone, in the abso­lute confidence born of the certainty of high unselfish love. This laying bare of each to each produces the true vision of each to each. I shall thus be able to recognize quickly all the excellencies in the character of my friend which perchance other persons may be slow to discover. He will see with clearest vision the points of my shortcoming and failure. Love is never blind, and we shall know each other more deeply and truly in that life of mutual love, than it is possible for man to know man by careful calculation or closest critical observation. It has been said that "Love will stand at the door and knock long after self-conscious dignity has fallen asleep" which is only another way of expressing Paul’s great word "Love suffereth long and is kind," and because this is true the clear vision of friendship ever makes demands on eager, consecrated service. The good recognized will be developed by fellow­ship, and where that good is costing my friend much sacrifice and suffering, by encouragement and fidelity. The short­coming will be matter concerning which the friend will mourn and pray in secret, and of which he will speak in such tones of tender love, that his brother will be won to the higher sur­render which ever means victory and advancement. So together, and by the reciprocity of this holy comradeship, there will be a building of each other up, and a several growth in grace.

There is no higher or more wonderful description of the possibilities of true friendship in Jesus than that contained in Paul’s words to the Romans (Romans 12:15) "Rejoice with them that rejoice; weep with them that weep." That is true sympathy, and perfect sympathy between two is friendship. The word sympathy has too long been robbed of its glory by the narrowing interpreta­tion which has considered it only as the power "to weep with them that weep." That is the smaller and easier part of true sympathy. Sympathy is the power that projects life outside the circle of personality and shares the life of an­other, feeling the thrill of the other’s joy, and the pain of the other’s woe. That can only be realized when the friendship is in Jesus. There it can be, and is. Is my friend in trouble, in dif­ficulty, in temptation? I am his com­panion still, and the sorrow, the per­plexity, the anguish are mine also. Leave him now he has fallen?

Impossible. When he fell, I fell, and I shall not feel erect again until he has made even that fall a "stepping-stone to higher things." Is my friend in joy, in prosperity, in victory? I am yet with him, and the rapture, the success, the triumph are mine because they are his. Be jealous of his promotion? Again impossible. If he rises so do I, and all his advancement is my greatest prog­ress, for we are one. Blessed is the man that hath such a friend. It is impossible to have many. I do not believe that it is the Divine ideal that we should. It is question­able whether any person, apart from the higher realm of relationship, ever has more than one. Such friendship cannot be separated. Oceans and con­tinents may divide. The mutual love laughs at these, and in daily service, prayer, and meditation, each is still with the other, and thinks, and plans, and works under the old. influences. This friendship knows nothing of con­ventionality’s little axioms, but abides in the great realm of love, and does things strange to the outside beholder.

Such friendship cannot be broken. Death is but a pause, wherein the one hears from the great silence the old voice, and feels drawing him thither, the old love, and the other waits in the splendors of that silence, with the Lord, for the coming of the fellow-whose song will add to heaven’s music. Friendship is always beautiful, but the friendship of disciples, based upon the law of affinity, and conditioned and consummated in Christ, is peerless.