01.12. Her Last Year
Her Last Year IN the beginning of January 1848, M ____ became the wife of Mr. G ____ , a devoted minister of the Free Church of Scotland. Thus she writes respecting this:—
" Tuesday, 4th Jan., 1848.—Our marriage-day. Had an hour alone with God in the morning, and felt unutterable sweetness in asking Jesus to be at the marriage. My beloved M ____ and I were united at halfpast one. Dear Mr. Bonar married us. I can hardly tell how I have felt all this day; I felt more solemnity than anything else. Surely the Lord was in the midst of us. We had several of His disciples with us."
Two days after, she reached her new dwelling. Peace seemed to rest on it, and the promise of long days. She was now just in such a sphere as she had often sought after—a sphere of quiet but fervent labour for her beloved Lord. What could better suit her retiring diffidence, and at the same time give scope to her warm zeal, than the rural retreat in which her lot was now cast? It appeared as if she were set there for years of patient, loving work, as the helpmate of His servant. Alas! we thought not that she was placed there only to ripen for an early tomb. Her feelings are thus recorded in her diary:—
" B____, Thursday, January 6,1848.—Arrived safely this morning with my beloved husband at our new home. May it be like that at Bethany, where Jesus often went; and may He give me grace to do Martha’s part in Mary’s spirit, sitting at the Master’s feet!" Her experience during this year may in some measure be gathered from the following letters. It must, however, be remembered, that in her new circle, and with her new duties and cares, she had less time to write than before; so that the letters of this year are not so full and many as formerly.
" B____, January 8, 1848…MY DARLING E____, When I received letters from P____, I looked eagerly for yourhand amongst them. I long to know how you have been getting on since I left you. I am sure if you miss me, I miss you very much. We were always one, at least since the time when we really began to live—began to live to God—and it is strange to me to be separated from you. May our God bless you, E., and, oh, may you have more of Him now than ever you had! I cannot tell you what I feel in writing to you; my heart is fall, and yet it is with difficulty I can express what I feel. I feel as if I loved you more now than ever, and it makes me very sad to know that you will be missing poor M____."
"B____, January 13, 1848…I went with my dear husband to his meeting at K____, on Tuesday evening. It was pretty well attended—all common people, with the exception of____; you remember of whom it is said, ’The common people heard Him gladly.’ M____ is lecturing through Ephesians. Do write soon; and, oh, don’t make me sad by telling me that you miss your own M____. I know that you do; but my heart is pained when I think of you being alone in that room where we have so often knelt together, and read or talked by the fire. Well, my beloved, you must draw all the nearer to Jesus, and if you do that, our separation will be a blessing to you. When I am writing to you, my heart gets so full of yourself, and the thought that we two are at last separated, that I can scarcely write about anything else."
" January 15…I am a rebuke to you, and to my late self also, for I rise by candle-light, and this morning we had breakfast and worship over by nine o’clock. After worship, we read together the Psalm for the day, and I then read aloud one of Rutherford’s letters, and then we pray together. This is a very sweet part of our day’s employments…Oh, E., how glad your account of dear ____ made me! I think, if he stands firm, it may have a very blessed effect on the others. Give him my warm love, and tell him that his Lord says to him, that he is ’to endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ,’ and that, if he suffer with Him now, he shall reign with Him hereafter. We shall be sure to remember him in prayer, that the Lord would hold him up, and then he cannot fall…How dependent we are on one another, and how sweet that it is so! Surely love is of God. There is something of heaven in the very thought of making another happy."
" January 27…MY DARLING R____, Miss ____ drank tea with us on Tuesday before the prayer-meeting. She is one of the right kind, and I am greatly pleased with her. She proposed prayer together in my room, before going to the meeting, and it was very sweet. I have got a district to visit, and give tracts, and a Sabbath class. My district contains only about twenty families; but that will be enough, I daresay, as I have a house to attend to now. I feel that it is part of my service to Jesus to attend to that house, and to my dear husband’s comfort as much as I can."
"Pray that I may win some souls in this place to His glory, who is so loving and gracious to unworthy me; and ask a blessing, too, dearest, on my Sabbath class. We go to it at five, and return about seven. M____ has a class, also, of boys in the vestry. At present we have only four teachers; but one thing greatly delights me, and that is, that they are all real Christians. You would be greatly pleased with our little school. O to win all the children to Jesus! Another thing I must tell you about; I am anxious to commence a female prayer meeting, like the one at P____.
Dearest M____ quite agrees with me about it. I began to think of it when I saw the teachers, and simply thought of asking them to come once a week or so, and pray for a blessing on our labours in the school; but M____ wants it to be more general, and to ask all the praying people who will come."
"I wish, dear, you would pray about this, for, as it will of course be in this house, I feel a good deal about it, all of them being strangers to me; and you know I am too apt to be backward. But I dare not stop a good work on that account; and, as my dear husband says, if I am weak, I shall just need to lean all the more on Christ for strength; and, he added (and I felt it was a word from God), ’it will be wonderful if He does not carry you through.’ Miss ____ will be a great help to me, she is so much accustomed to these things, and the Misses ____ also, are real Christians. Your own loving M____."
" B____, February 3, 1848…Your letter this morning, about your coming, gave us both the greatest pleasure. The weather is milder now, so I don’t think there is much fear of its injuring you to come here. How I long to see you! I long, too, to shew you my favourite study. It is there that we remember you all every morning at our Father’s throne, and there that, as a family, we worship the blessed Lord who has given us all our blessings."
"B____, June 12, 1848…I had such a sweet season in prayer yesterday morning, though it was almost all confession of my
black guilt, so that I could not help praying with my whole soul, ’Lord, let me rather die than sin.’ We had a fine day in church, too; my dear husband was much helped. I trust you pray for him, and for me, that I may not be a hindrance to him! I was seeing a very affecting sight in K____ on Saturday—a brother and sister, about eighteen years of age, both in one room, rapidly sinking under consumption. How ill they look! especially the girl. I spoke and read to them, and intend to go again. I think the girl has really found Christ—I trust both have; but it is difficult to tell their state, they are so ill."
" June 26, 1848…There is none like Christ, after all, K,____ ; not the very dearest on earth can fill the soul. Oh! it is a pleasant thing for a dusty, thirsty pilgrim to stop a moment on his journey, and take a drink of the water of life. Oh, pray that I may have a more thirsty soul!"
"July 4, 1848…What a chequered life this is! It may often be by the way of sorrow, and yet we are sure that it is by the right way our Father is leading us; and it ends in glory ; it ends in being for ever together, and for ever with the Lord. Amen, so let it be!"
" July 8…I cannot tell you how sweetly the Spirit spoke these words to me, on reading them this morning—’Seek ye my face.’ I had the feeling as if God were smiling on me, and saying so tenderly and so anxiously, ’Seek ye my face.’ How sad it is to think I am so backward in doing it! Seek for me, dear, a praying heart. I am not well, and fear I lead a very useless life now. I read a good deal, however. I have finished the Account ofthe Revivals, and Whitefleld’sLife, also Philip Henry’s Life; and I am now reading Matthew Henry’s. I have taken such a longing for this house to be like ’Broadoak’ (their house). What a sweet Christian household that was! I must conclude now, as writing fatigues me."
" B____, July 24, 1848…I often marvel when I think how tenderly the Lord deals with me. Pray for me that I may not provoke Him to send trials by loving His gifts more than Himself. It will be sad indeed for my soul if I try to feed it with anything but Himself. I feel much drawn just now to seek grace to do my worldly duties for God. I have such a temptation to think I am not serving Him, except when I am at prayer, or reading the Word; and yet, on the other hand, I feel I am so naturally averse to all that is holy and spiritual, that I fear lest I am tempted to neglect the throne of grace, thinking that I am glorifying Him, though I am not there. What grace we need, to walk in the narrow path! we are so apt to go aside every moment!"
"B____, September 16, 1848…I have little news to give you. More I think goes on in the world within than without. What searchings of heart I have at times! I shall never be what I ought to be till I am standing faultless before the throne."
" B____, October 7…It gave me much joy to see that He has put a praising spirit in you, my own sweet R., for that is the happiest and the most God-glorifying state we can be in. How often have I got rid of a sad and heavy heart (and many a one you and I have had together), just by beginning to praise the Lord! and, oh! when we do begin this blessed, this heavenl ywork, what endless cause we find to praise Him! We find, then, that not only time, but eternity is too short to utter all His praise. How we shall praise Him even here, if these trials lead those so dear to us to Jesus! That will make us forget all our sorrows from very joy. I need not tell you that my poor prayers rise up for you many a time; and through Jesus, even they will prevail. I fear I write sad letters, dearest; but you know, ’when one member suffers, all the members suffer with it.’ Though absent in body, oh, how constantly and truly I am with you inheart!"
"B____, November 1848…I was very happy to hear about the new work you are engaged in. I trust that the Lord will bless it to many souls. So you have been hearing Mr. A. Bonar? How glad shall I be when he comes here! We are to have Mr. Reid of Collessie preaching for us next Sabbath; I wish you could be here to hear him. We are to have a sermon on the first or second Sabbath of every month, in the evening, for some months to come. Ask that the Lord would direct in the choice of His servants, and come with them, and bless His own word."
"I do not feel well at present. It is a solemn thing to think of this! The danger to myself; and then, to be a mother! I too have the care of an immortal soul! Oh, pray for me, my own dear sister, pray that I may really feel weak, and be able to say, ’When I am weak, then I am strong.’ A fear comes over me at times, but He says, ’Lo, I am with you alway,’ and so He will be with me then. I have little news to give you, except that I do love you, and that I have been giving some tracts to-day. Oh for an outpouring of the Holy Spirit in this dry place!"
" B____, Thursday…MY DARLING R____, How I wish you were here just now! there is not a creature in this house except myself! My dear husband is at a prayer-meeting at P____, and I have sent both the servants also, and so am left solitary. But ’I am not alone, for the Father is with me.’ O that I desired and felt His presence more! I went up the hill on Monday to visit Mrs. W____, and had a nice meeting with her; I have been seeing another dear Christian also—one of our people in P—. She was very happy to see me, and spoke so of my M____. Her eyes filled with tears, as she said, ’No one can tell how I love my minister.’ She made me very glad by telling me that she profited so much under his ministry. All the people I visit speak the same way of him. I find when I go amongst them how much beloved he is, and I think it does me good in this way, that it makes me far more anxious that I may not be a hindrance to him, and so be a curse in place of a blessing to the people. Pray for me, for a wife has great influence over a husband, for good or for evil. I wish I were able to go more amongst the people, but I feel less able every day now; but, if spared, I trust to be more with them afterwards."
" B____, Friday…I cannot tell you how very glad your letter about ____ — made me. O how blessed to have such a hope that she is safe for eternity! I wish you would pray for my poor soul, for I have many more things now to drag me to earth, and many more duties (right in themselves) to do, and I fear that my soul suffers. O that I could do Martha’s part in Mary’s spirit! It is curious, that sometimes, after a great many worldly duties and feelings, on going to prayer, I have more relish for it than ever. But this, alas! is not always the case. It will be terrible if I am less spiritual, now that I am a minister’s wife, than I used to be."
"B____, Wednesday…’The Lord reigneth;’ that text came into my mind after I had read your letter this morning, and it was very sweet to me, for I thought, ’then all is well’ with my darling E____, though she may not see it as clearly as she will one day—if not here, yet in that bright sunny land of which Jesus is the light. It is written, ’Let the earth be glad;’ let you and me be glad too."
" Thursday…Leave the future with the Lord, who has promised to make all things work together for your good. It is the enemy who tells you that you are not fit to die; he takes advantage of the weakness of your body to trouble your soul; but he was a liar from the beginning. ’Trust ye in the Lord for ever.’ Trust Him who says, ’Because I live, ye shall live also.’ He will not give you dying grace before the time; but He says, ’As thy day is, so shall thy strength be.’ You are His own child, and He says, ’My sheep shall never perish.’ How much sadder I should be about you, when I hear of all your trials, did I not know whose handsends these painful rods, for ’the present not joyous but grievous!’ How sweet it is to think that our Father possesses unerring wisdom, as well as boundless love. If He were only loving, we would be afraid to trust ourselves entirely to His guidance; we should fear He might err even in His love—as we so often do; —but He is wise as well as fall of love, and oh, we may safely trust such a God! It is indeed a great trial to me that we do not suffer together, as many a day we have done; but that is His doing too. He has ordered our different paths, and therefore they are right. I was thinking, after I read your letter, of that terrible time (our father’s death) when I, too, was alone, and when I found it a very precious time for my soul. And how very soon after, the Lord fulfilled His word to His fatherless child, in giving her another earthly protector, and that one of
His own dear children! When things are at the darkest, they often turn very bright. How bright they will be up yonder, without a cloud!" Of this period of her life, her bereaved husband thus writes:— "As a minister’s wife, she was a beautiful exemplar of what one holding that responsible situation should be. She was most anxious for her husband’s usefulness, and strove, in every way, to be a help-meet to him. She felt very deeply her unfitness for the situation which she had been called in providence to occupy, and very fearful of being a hindrance to her husband. She accompanied him every Sabbath to the evening school, in which she taught a class of girls, in whose spiritual state she took a deep interest, which was evinced, not merely by the affection and earnestness with which she spoke to them from the lessons of the school, but also by her inviting them to the house for prayer on week-day evenings. Immediately after her arrival here, she commenced a prayermeeting with a few pious females belonging to the congregation. Her heart was very much in this meeting, though it was not so well attended as she desired."
"She had also a district for the distribution of the Monthly Visitor tracts, and this opportunity she improved for reading the Word of God, and praying with the people, and speaking with them oil the great subject of salvation. She proposed also having a general class of young women; and I remember well her great delight one day, after having visited, along with a pious female, the district from which the class was to be gathered, because of the many promises of attendance which she had received. But such was her diffidence of herself, that this work was not immediately undertaken; and then, bodily weakness, and finally death, prevented it. It was delightful to see how much her heart was in the spiritual work in which she herself engaged, and in her husband’s public duties; what life there was in her religious undertakings. The Holy Spirit was, indeed, in her a ’well of water springing up into everlasting life.’"
Then, as to the last scenes in her life, he gives this brief narrative:— "For four or five weeks before her confinement, she was subjected to great bodily weakness and frequent pain; and during this period, it was her greatest regret that she was excluded from the services of the sanctuary; and, indeed, it was only through her husband’s strong remonstrances that she was kept at home, when it was obvious to others that she was unable to attend. During this period, she wished me very much to be always with her; but this desire at once gave way to the call of duty. I think it was on the evening of her last Sabbath on earth, that I was very desirous to remain with her, instead of going to the Sabbathschool. The evening was very stormy and wet; but she insisted on my leaving her, and going to the school as usual, for I might be useful there—and what other consideration could be so important as this? So unwilling was she that regard for her should be a hindrance to any ministerial duty."
"Notwithstanding her weakness, neither of us apprehended danger. We thought and spoke of her approaching confinement very hopefully. My own state of mind appears to me now in the aspect of security. How this aggravated the heaviness of the stroke that was so soon to fall, it is unnecessary to say. But she said she was prepared for the Lord’s will: she rested on ’the Rock;’ she ’knew in whom she had believed.’ The last religious book—with exception of her daily companion, the Bible—which she read, was Mr. H. Bonar’s little work, The Blood of the Cross, presented to her by me on the anniversary of our marriage-day. The last chapter that she read was the 9th, ’The Thoughts of the Saint concerning the Blood.’ How suitable for being the last subject of meditation on earth for one who was on the eve of joining the happy company who sing in heaven! ’Thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by Thy blood.’"
"She was taken ill early on Tuesday morning, 23d January— already very much reduced in strength, owing to previous illness. Of the sufferings of the last few days of her life, I cannot trust myself to speak. Her mind was very much distracted by her great distress, and she could hold but little communication with others. It was the Lord’s will that her life, and not her death-bed, was to be her testimony. I think it was on the Wednesday forenoon that she mentioned to me five texts that gave her comfort but amid the confusion and surprise of this sad season, only two have stuck to my memory: ’ And calluponme inthe dayoftrouble;I will deliver thee, and thou shall glorify me.’ ’The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneathare the everlasting arms.’"
" About three or four A.M., on Thursday, 25th, she gave birth to a son, who survived her only for a day. It was the last effort of her ebbing strength. She never rallied after this, but sunk into a state of unconsciousness, breathing very heavily. When it became too evident that she was dying, all present knelt by her bedside, with overflowing hearts and weeping eyes; and I was enabled to commend her in prayer to the care of that Good Shepherd who is with His own in the dark valley, and conducts them safely across Jordan. About three P.M. she breathed her last; and from the acutest suffering on earth, she immediately passed into the unutterable joy of her Saviour’s presence above. It was a solemn season to all—a most painful season to one heart,—but, oh! what balm did the hope pour into the bleeding wound, that she who had suffered so much now suffered no more, but reposed on the gentle bosom of Jesus, the husband who first had her heart!" A short time before this she had written to her friend respecting her prospects:—"I want your prayers for the unborn child of your friend. That child has now a soul that will live for ever; and I earnestly claim for it your prayers, that its soul may live, even though it should never see the light of this world. I have given this precious trust to Jesus, and He will keep that which is committed to Him. I had a very sweet and solemn time this afternoon for this. I gave anew my beloved husband and myself to Him; and then I gave Him our yet unborn child, that He might give it back to us, His child. It is sweet to commit everything to His hands." In what way God was to answer her, she thought not; nor how fully each petition was to be granted, though by events in which man’s eye might see nothing but the frustration of her dearest hopes. Jesus did indeed accept the charge thus committed to Him by His trustful child ; but He did not give it back to her in the way that she had prayed for, that she might bring it up for Him here, and lead it through the wilderness into the rest to which she herself was hastening on. He bore it away from earth, to be trained up in His nearer presence, and in a purer clime than this. She had been thinking of its training here, and, in the fondness of a mother’s hope, had been preparing for it; for in a recess behind the drawing-room shutter were found some few choice books for children, such as might have been useful had they been spared to each other. But the Lord had purposed to take the training into His own hands entirely. The education was to be conducted above, on no earthly system, and by no human teacher. In tranquil unconsciousness, the mother sunk away to rest, the everlasting arms upholding her, and knew not that she was a mother till she had passed beyond the confines of earth, and was overtaken by her babe on its way to the Paradise above. Unknowing of the mother that had borne him, yet, as if drawn by some strange attraction, and unable to remain behind, the babe, ere another day broke, had followed her into the presence of the Lord. There they now met, and there they rest together, mother and infant, doubly knit together, in life and in death, he only knowing her as a mother in heaven, and she only knowing him as a perfected spirit, without one spot of that sin which she so abhorred in herself; her first-born and her last; only for a few hours a child of wrath, and sin, and death, and then an heir of life and glory for ever!
Happy child, thus early laid to rest! Taken away from the evil to come; landed on the bright shore, ere one rude wave had gone over him! Thrice happy mother! Mother of a child that never wept! Mother of a child that never heaved a sigh, and into whose spirit none of earth’s griefs, or fears, or bitter disappointments can ever find their way!
Passionately fond of infants as she was, she would either have doated over it to idolatry if living, or gone mourning in disconsolate sadness, if taken away. She was graciously saved from the sin of the one excess, and the pain of the other. The child, which she had given to the Lord, was not to be allowed to come between her and her God. Yet they were not to be parted,—or, but for a few hours, and then reunited for ever.
Happy child, and thrice happy mother!—he saved all an infant’s pains and weaknesses; she spared all a mother’s sorrows and fears, yet blest with more than all a mother’s joys! As if in token of their union, they were placed in the same coffin, as well as laid in the same grave; the babe resting on its mother’s breast, and enfolded in her arms. Thus they lie pleasantly together in the quiet churchyard, sleeping in Jesus, till the voice of the archangel shall summon them to meet their Lord in the air.
It was a tranquil end indeed! She had fought the fight, and the struggle was over ere she came to die.
She escaped the bitterness of partings that would have rent her heart, and, it may be, clouded her departure. Her Lord himself seemed to draw a curtain between her and things visible ere she had yet left them, and, in utter unconsciousness of all things round her, she breathed out her spirit.
It had been a sore and weary battle in days past, yet the victory was won and the crown secured. And who would not wage such a warfare to win such a crown?
Eight years ago she was a heedless worldling, and now she is with her Lord! Brief pilgrimage! Crowded with hopes and fears, and tossings and tremblings, and griefs and gladnesses, such as might have filled up a far longer story. Hers was not a long passage, though a stormy one ; and for its end how often had she longed! To be away, to be at home, to be with her holy Saviour, in His holy heaven, amid His holy angels—how often had she sighed and wept! And, glad to be so soon done with the voyage, and to leave behind her the clouds and blasts of an unquiet sea, she stepped tranquilly ashore at the desired haven, which she had so speedily and unexpectedly reached, and, her infant in her arms, went up into the presence of her Lord!
"No stone," says her sister, "is as yet put up to mark her grave; should there ever be one, I would put her favourite text upon it, ’So shall we ever be with the Lord.’" Her husband’s pen thus delineates her character:—"Her death produced a deep sensation, which took the form not only of sympathy for the bereaved, but of sorrow for a great loss to the religious interests of the place. Her funeral sermons were preached by Mr. Brodie of Monimail and Mr. Reid of Collessie—and it was remarked that there was scarcely a dry eye in the congregation on the mournful occasion.
"I would now give a few traits of her religious character, as these were impressed on me during the short time we were together. She was a remarkably sweet Christian; love predominated in her religion; she was naturally of a very gentle and affectionate disposition—and when the highest and holiest object of love was revealed to her, she clung to Him with all her soul. Her love to Jesus was a clinging, confiding, devoted love. Her religion was not an adherence to certain doctrines, but was more to a living person—the ’Man Christ Jesus,’—in whom all truth meets—the Alpha and Omega—the friend, the brother, husband—all."
"Her humility was also remarkable. She cherished a deep feeling of personal unworthiness, and more particularly in reference to the responsible situation of a minister’s wife. She often said, ’Oh, think of my being a minister’s wife!’ She was never happy but in the background—out of sight. She thought herself fit for no duty, and worthy of no mercy."
"Her love of prayer was very great. She knew not prayer as a formality; it was more than a duty with her—it was the sweetest privilege, it was the intercourse of a child with a father, it was fellowship with God. She had the grace of prayer in a high degree, remarkable liberty and access in it. She had great love for prayer-meetings, and much enjoyment in them. In speaking of the intercourse she had with Christian friends, she always mentioned, as the sweetest part of it, their meeting together at a throne of grace."
"Her spirituality of mind was great. She panted after God and heavenly things. She feared much the deadening influence of the world, and was exquisitely alive to the least declension from a heavenly frame. A finely-polished blade is easily blunted, and so it was with her heavenlytempered spirit. After her marriage especially, her complaints became very bitter of the encroachments of the creature. I have found her more than once rising from her knees bathed in tears. In that humble posture she had been mourning before God, over the increasing influence of the world and creature affection—over her deadness and backslidings. Her Bible and Hymn Book are full of pencil marks, which give no doubtful indications of her prevailing feelings. I find passages of three kinds chiefly marked,—such as are expressive of the preciousness of Christ, of personal unworthiness, and of longing after the presence of God in heaven. The hymn in the Bible Hymn Book, marked ’My Hymn,’ is, ’For ever with the Lord,’ &c. Her well-worn and well-pencilled Bible is a precious legacy. The blank leaves at the beginning and end are covered over with texts, in the handwriting of the godly ministers and Christian friends she most esteemed and loved." We close with the following letter from one whose name often occurs in the preceding letters, and to whose ministry and counsels she felt herself so greatly a debtor:—
" Newington, Edinburgh, October 26, 1852…MY DEAR BROTHER, I regret much that the pressure of other duties has prevented my complying with your kind request till now; and I choose the form of a letter to yourself, both as giving more opportunity for the expression of cordial esteem for our departed friend, and as best suited to the mere glimpses of her character which I am able to offer you. I felt delighted when you told me of your intention to bring together what may form a permanent memorial of her worth, for her whole religious experience afforded a fine specimen of ’peace in believing,’ and of ’sanctification through the truth.’ The grand elementary principles of the gospel had a very strong hold on her understanding and her heart. The finished work of Calvary was the rock on which she rested her whole immortal hope, and the truth concerning it was the uniform spring of peaceful feeling and holy motive. Of the freeness of grace to the chief of sinners, her views were singularly clear and simple, and it was not only an article in her creed, but a deep practical persuasion, that the difference between the brightest and best of saints, and ’the vilest wretch who breathes the air,’ is and must be the fruit of mere sovereign mercy. This, indeed, was one of her favourite themes. Feeling herself ’a debtor to mercy alone,’ she was wont to speak of it with a warmth and emphasis which indicated that it was in her a well of water springing up into everlasting life."
"I remember some seasons, while she was connected with my congregation, during which she was sore vexed by the keen winds of spiritual trial. But even at such times I was greatly struck with the simplicity of her reliance on the testimony of God, just because the testimony was His. Her language was of this sort: ’There is nothing for the like of me but casting myself on the Saviour as I am—a lost sinner, nothing but a sinner; I wonder He admits me into His presence, and I wonder how I can venture ; but then He has promised to take my burden, and to give me rest. Everything in Jesus suits my case; all the blessings of His salvation are meantfor such as I am; who else could make use of them? Why not for me?’ Thus she found that lost peace must be recovered and preserved precisely as it was obtained at first, the Christian living all along as he began to live, ’by the faith of the Son of God,’ and ’holding the beginning of his confidence steadfast unto the end.’
"Many a time have I felt quickened by hearing her speak as she did of Jesus, as a Friend who was not only believed to be faithful, but who had been tried, and found to be so; of prayer, as becoming day by day dearer to her, from its having so often given vent and brought relief to her anxieties; and of meditation on the Word, as more and more inviting in proportion as she experienced its virtue to bear her on its wings above sublunary vexations. ’The Sabbath’ was truly her ’delight,’ and she ’honoured it’ by the liveliest attachment to all its ordinances. Whoever might be the preacher, those were her favourite sermons that had most of Christ in them; and, as I marked her expressive countenance while listening to the Glad Tidings, it seemed to say more plainly than any language could, ’This word is found of me, and I am eating it; and it is the joy and rejoicing of my heart.’ It was because her piety was thus ’planted by the rivers of waters,’ and fed by secret springs, that its leaf remained so green. One of the best proofs of her joy in her religion being the joy of the Lord, was, that it had for its companion genuine Humility. The standard by which she formed her estimate of herself was neither the attainments nor the commendations of others, but the law and the love of Jesus; she preferred speaking of Him, the Adorable Object in whom she confided, rather than of her own confidence; and when on fit occasions she did ’give a reason of the hope’ she so happily enjoyed, it was eminently ’with meekness and fear.’"
"I frequently admired her jealous avoidance of whatever was likely to obstruct her growth in grace, such as books of a light and trifling character, worldly amusements, or association with persons who held their profession in a formal or worldly spirit. She had a great fear of occupying debateable or doubtful ground where the life of her soul might be exposed to counteracting influences; and in judging of what was uncongenial or inexpedient, she was not guided by the opinions of others, so much as by her own experience. If anything had been found prejudicial to her,that was reason enough for shunning it, even though other Christian friends might think it harmless."
"She justly attached great importance to active usefulness as a means of grace. The kindness of her manner endeared her much as a Sabbathschool Teacher, and a Visitor in the home of poverty and in the chamber of affliction. Her zeal in doing good was real pleasure, the vital glow and energy of one who ’loved much.’ She felt that there was absolutely one great object to be lived for—to get closer and closer to the Saviour’s pierced side, that thence she might tell out the story of His love, and that thither she might draw poor souls that were straying far from their rest. I believe she has met in the Happy Land with some whose harps are struck with a stronger hand in the praise of their Redeeming God, for the instructions of her lips, the consistency of her example, and the importunity of her prayers."
"Deeply do I feel, along with you, my dear brother, that ’we can ill spare from our congregations such praying ones as she.’ May the Lord raise us up many more! Often has He made the temporal death of one, the spiritual life of others. I trust the blessed Truth she used to press with all the earnestness of living affection on those she sought to win, shall still come back on their memories and their hearts with all the melting accompaniments of the grave and eternity, that there may be joy in heaven over souls brought back to God and of that joy she herself will be one of the happy partakers."
"While writing these slight and hasty hints, I have felt as if I heard her interrupting me, and saying, ’Speak not of me, speak of Jesus.’ But have I not been speaking of Jesus, when commemorating some of the fruits of His abounding grace, which gave her all she had, and made her all she was? To grace be all the glory!—I am, my dear brother, yours very cordially, JAMES ROBERTSON."
Yes, surely it is the "grace of God" that her life shews forth so marvellously; it is of the glory of Christ that it so fully speaks; it is to the riches of His love that it so largely testifies. And it is God, not man, that this book is meant to exalt. The biographer may have come short in many things which he set out with aiming at; for it is not easy so to sketch a life as that God shall be fully seen in all its features, and man as much hidden, as in the building of a new world, or the kindling of a new star. Yet he has striven to exhibit not man, but God; not a model of creature-excellence, but a specimen of divine workmanship. He has aimed at shewing, not the steps by which man makes himself religious, and the ease with which he does this; but the way in which the Holy Spirit recasts and re-moulds fallen humanity—the process by which He brings light out of darkness, the heavenly out of the earthly—the discipline by which He trains and educates a child for His kingdom. In an age when multitudes, with the Bible in their hands and Gethsemane before their eyes, are casting about for an easy religion, a smoother road to the New Jerusalem than the rugged path along which the Master has led the way; when many seem to think that by a proper admixture of high sentiment and devout aspiration, they may construct a religion for themselves—a religion of sunshine, and balm, and azure—undarkened by shadows, and unmarred by storms; it is well to call attention to certain elements in religion, which by such dreamers are supposed to be symptoms of spiritual unhealthiness, indications of bodily unsoundness, if not of mental feebleness—elements of which the Psalms are full— elements of which the seventh chapter of the Romans is the expression;—the broken heart, the bitter tear, the cry from the depths, the unutterable groan, the desperate conflict with the flesh, and the still more desperate wrestling with the principalities and powers of hell.
If this Memorial has merely drawn the reader’s eye to man, and made him love a character or admire a life, or weep over an early death, it has wholly failed. If it has not turned the eye to God, and fixed the admiration upon the glories of His Incarnate Son; if it has not laid bare the hollowness of the world, and the mighty fulness of the eternal kingdom, so as to lead men to desire the better country; if it has not quickened the languid, startled the sleeper, made the loiterer blush, and roused the saint to a swifter race and a higher flight—it has not effected its end. THE END
Footnotes
[1] That she was a novel-reader in these days will not surprise us. But I believe that, after her conversion, till the day of her death, she never opened a novel. It is worth while saying this, for the warning of the young. There is hardly a more subtle and deadly snare than novel reading. The love of the world, the idle sentimentalism, the vitiated taste, the disrelish for spiritual things which it produces, are enough (apart from everything immoral) to make such books objects of suspicion and dread.
[2] In the spirit in which Augustine recorded the sins of his youth, are these scenes recorded. "I am willing to remember my past impurities," says he, "and the carnal corruptions of my soul, not that I may love them, but that I may love thee, O my God. From the love of thy love I do it, recollecting my most evil ways, in the bitterness of memory, that thou mayest become more sweet to me. Oh! sweetness that disappointest not, sweetness blessed and abiding, gathering me together from the dispersion in which I had been rent asunder, atom by atom! While averse from thee only, I lost myself amid a thousand vanities."
[3] Perhaps some reader may remember Augustine’s striking expression as to God "pursuing his fugitives"— immingus dorso fugitivorum tuomm (Conf. iv. 4). In another place he thus speaks of the time immediately before his conversion:—
"I became more wretched, and thou nearer.
Already was thy right hand present, about to pluck me from the mire and to wash me; yet I knew it not" (vi. 16). And elsewhere he speaks of "deafening himself to the voice of God with the clanking of his chains."
[4] It may perhaps interest the reader to learn a little of the state of spiritual matters at the time when M____ came amongst us. The following reminiscences are from the letter of a dear friend:—"I have been looking over my gleanings at these times, and I find that, during those weeks in the summer of 1841, when God’s Spirit first moved on the darkness of our friend’s Heart, our minister was, in his Sabbath ministrations, unfolding a full salvation, and shewing that immediate peace would follow its acceptance. The following brief notes occur in my scrap-book: ’God has provided the Lamb, he has set up the altar, there is nothing more needed than what was done 1800 years ago; furnish yourself with what God has done. It is all you need, sinner. The common fooling is, that God requires something more than what Christ has done, some conciliatory gift to be laid upon his altar, as if God was to be bribed by us...The message of the Gospel proceeds on the fact that every man is under the infinite displeasure of the infinite God…God says, ’meet me at the cross! All, this is the mercy-seat where God and the sinner meet!’…’No holiness without forgiveness.’ I find also that we had a peculiarly refreshing and prayerful season about that time. Souls were brought to peace ill believing, and some awakened, besides God’s people being quickened. One of the latter said to me on one of the days of our May Communion—’I am like Abraham when God called him, he went he knew not whither, never dreaming of the bliss awaiting him in God’s service;’ and again, ’This joy is not like the world’s joy, for it heals the heart, and then it will be for ever.’ I remember too the weeping of one now away, and the energy with which he spoke in the church-porch, of the effect of the Word upon his soul—’I never felt before the truth come with such power as that has done.’ A Christian woman told me some years after, that she was brought to Christ under a lecture on the healing of the noble man’s son, in which the same power, ability, and willingness of Christ to meet the need of those who come to him, were set forth; Go thy way, thy son liveth;—the simple word of Jesus, she said, was just to be believed, and she went on her way rejoicing."
[5] It may interest the reader to have some reminiscences of the season when M____ found peace. The friend formerly quoted thus proceeds:— "On the 20th of June, the 5th chapter of John was begun. Jesus was set before us as the healer, we saw the fulness of his character as the healer, his tenderness as well as his skill. Glimpses of the manhood of our Lord— Jesus went up to the feast: what feasts must there have been to his holy, human soul! what pure worship, what fellowship with the Father! I remember dear M____ dwelling with great delight on the steps of Jesus; she delighted in the person of the Lord, and seemed to realise his minutest actions as recorded in the Word. I think she began at an early stage of her experience, even when her peace fluctuated much, to be attracted by the personof the Lord. Her anxiety was that she might come to Jesus himself;not merely that she might understand this or that doctrine about Jesus. In June 27, on John 5:10-15, we were led to see the opposition to Jesus and his work: what saints are to expect from the world; when Christ does his mighty works in a town, or congregation, or family, what opposition! Our dear friend knew something of this, and learned meekness under it. You will remember her earnest longings after humility when this cross came. July 5.—John 5:17-19. We saw Jesus as Emmanuel, the Son, the Sent One, the centre of all beauty, divine and human, of all glory, created and uncreated, and we were glad when it was said to us, ’hear ye him.’ July 11.—John 5:20-21. The Father’s love to the Son;—the bearing of this love on us and our interests; it is because of this love of the Father to the Son that the sinner has hope; the more we realise this truth, the more firm we shall feel the ground of our acceptance. What a well of life this subject was to many! Dear M____ luxuriated in such truths. July 18.—John 5:24. It is in hearing the word of Jesus that we are blest; his words contain and convey the blessing; we get it by becoming listeners to him; it is not a future merely, but a present life he gives. July 25.— Communion Sabbath. We had meetings every night in the church this week, Mr. Cousin and Mr. John Bonar assisting. Sabbath evening. Mr. J. B.’s text—’Lay hold on eternal life;’ people much quickened. One man could not sleep after it...Our dear friend M____ came to me for a day (July 27), the greatest part of which was spent in reading the Word. I remember the eagerness with which she asked questions, and her thirst to be acquainted with Christ. She had occasional joy, but not steady peace at this time."
[6] From this "little paper" we extract a few sentences:—"My beloved sister, will you accept as a present from me the accompanying volume? It is the best of books, for it is able to make you wise unto salvation. Oh! pray to God that it may do so. Read often in His holy book, and read with prayer...Pray that he may teach you to love him…Do not despond, and say you cannot love him, that you have no feeling. Pray for feeling. Ask him to teach you to love him and his ways, better than all the world, and he will teach you...He longs for you to come to him, that he may bless you by giving you himself...He wants to make us happy with his love even here; and then, when we leave this life, where shall we be if we have believed in his name? In heaven with Himself. We shall see him face to face, we shall see him as he is. Is not the thought of living for ever with Jesus in heaven, enough to make us give up this poor, perishing world?…One thing is needful; oh! choose that good part, and it shall not be taken from you. And, dearest, when we pray for ourselves, do not let us forget to pray for others. Let us pray that, as we are now a family on earth, we may be found, at the last day, a family in heaven...That God may enable you to overcome, is the earnest prayer of your most affectionate sister, M____ .—
August 20, 1841.
[7] Shortly after conversion, an old minister thus describes his feelings— "I went about the fields singing songs of triumph over Satan."
[8] The Rev. James B. Hay, afterwards minister of the Free Church at North Berwick, is the person here alluded to. He was born at Kelso, and his soul was early drawn to seek after God. His zeal as a Sabbath-school teacher was singularly fresh and fervent. Rising often at four o’clock on a Sabbath morning, he would continue in prayer for his class for hours together. The interest which he took in the welfare of each was unwearied. He met with them, he visited them, he prayed with them, he wrote to them, he kept his eye and heart upon them in after years. Stirred up by the example of his friend Mr. A. Murray (whose labours the Lord has so owned in the South Sea Islands), he resolved to dedicate himself to the missionary cause, and left Kelso to carry on his studies. He did so, and while studying in Edinburgh, he manifested the same fervour of spirit and the same zeal for God as in his earlier years. He was afterwards led to change his mind as to the missionary field, and in the year 1844 was settled at North Berwick. His health soon broke down, and within a year after his settlement he died, resting on his longknown, well-loved Lord. In the month of September 1842, he was on a visit to Dundee, and thus writes to M____ and her sister:—"Having much to tell you of what the Lord has done and is doing in this town, I shall soon pay you a visit, and join with you in giving thanks to the Lord, your Lord and my Lord, for his gracious doings. There are three weekly meetings held within the walls of L____ house (where he was staying), at which I have often to officiate; and never did I witness such interesting scenes. The number on Sabbath nights, within the last two months, has increased from sixty or seventy to nearly two hundred. Most of them are mill girls, and many of them have truly become members of the family of God…I hope you are both prospering in soul, and realising yourselves not inhabitants of earth, but heirs of glory."
[9] This seems to have been the mere feeling of an oversensitive nature, wrought upon by Satan to distract and perplex her. It is evident, from every page of her correspondence, that she did not overlook any of the persons of the Godhead. To think more of one person of the Godhead than of another at different times, is not to overlook or dishonour any; it is simply to net according to the constitution of our finite natures.
[10] This gladness at another’s joy, so often given vent to in these letter, reminds one of the apostle’s feeling: "We are glad, when (or although) we are weak, and (that) ye are strong; and this also we wish, even your perfection" (2 Corinthians 13:9).
[11] As darkness has its root in sin and unbelief, it cannot be God’s will; that we should remain in it; and we know who has said, "I am the light of the world; he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness."
[12] M____ generally went to St Luke’s in Edinburgh, at Communion seasons. Not relishing the kind of teaching that she got nearer home, she tried other places, and at last resolved to go to Musselburgh, to attend the ministry of Mr. Robertson, the excellent and devoted minister of the United Presbyterian Church, then at that town, now at Newington.
[13] This mode of decoying the unwilling or the unwary is so common, that one wonders how any can be deceived by it. "Oh, it is just a small family party—a harmless dance among the young people!" Thus the world lays its snares! And, not seldom, those who call themselves Christians are found doing the same thing, and using the same argument! They want to enjoy as much of the world as will not damage their reputation for being Christians. They will not dance quite so long as the world dances; they will not crowd so many into their party as the world does; and thus they will enjoy the world, and yet pass for Christians! Ah! the cunning and the cowardice, to which half-hearted discipleship has to resort! Afraid to be worldlings, yet more afraid to be Christians! There are none who do Satan’s work so effectually as these. How many such are there in the "religious world!"
[14] "Oh, how fully am I persuaded that a line of praises is worth a leaf of prayer; and an hour of praises is worth a day of fasting and mourning! Yet there is room enough for both."— Letter ofJohn Livingstone.
[15] The Communion here referred to was in February. But Mr. M’Cheyne, whose visit is anticipated in the above passage, was not with us. He was called away by the Church to visit a large district in the north of Scotland. It may interest some to see his letter telling me of this: "My dear Horace, it grieves me, as much as it can grieve you, to be absent from your Communion; yet I do not see how it can be otherwise. We have now fixed to start, God willing, on Monday next, 6th February. We have twenty-three parishes, and I fear we can get no extra labourers. I have no hope of being home till Saturday the 25th, the day before your Communion. I expect reproach and contempt, if not broken bones: but the King of Zion beckons, and I feel I ought to obey, without fear or murmur. Our Communion is on the third Sabbath of April. I am glad that you reckon on it. I trust God will make up to us both for my being kept from you. Remember me much in prayer, and believe me ever yours, till Jesus come. January 31, 1843. ROBERT MURRAY M’CHEYNE.
[16] This was a basket from the proceeds of which it was hoped that something might be got for the cause of God.
[17] In a diary of the seventeenth century, there is a statement which may illustrate this: "I have been much hindered from duty by studying the manner of duty, rather than the substance of it; by studying faith in prayer rather than prayer in faith."
[18] The answer to this difficulty is just that these are two parts of the same thing; our conscience rests on the work of Christ, and is pacified; our heart rests on the person of Christ, and is comforted and gladdened.
[19] Daily Texts, in Tract Society’s Almanac.
[20] So also thought John Owen, who, in his treatise on Communion with God, thus wrote:—"A true saving knowledge of sin is to be had only in the Lord Christ; in him may we see the desert of our iniquities and their pollution: neither is there any wholesome view of these but in Christ."
[21] Old Mr Powel, in the seventeenth century, seems to have been troubled with this kind of preaching. He writes thus:— "Satan would keep souls from believing by persuading them that they are not yet qualified and sufficiently fitted for Christ, and that they have not seen themselves absolutely lost, nor so much burdened with sin as they should. And it is to be feared, that Satan makes use of many of God’s ministers, as the old prophet mentioned (1 Kings 13:11, &c.), to keep off, and drive away souls from Christ, under the notion of preaching peremptory doctrine for Chrit, and so seeking to fit men for Him, as some have preached many months together this doctrine, before they would preach Christ at all; whereas their commission, and the example of Christ and his disciples, was, to preach glad tidings first."
[22] The whole of this passage is worth quoting:—"I saw that those whom they made their prey were ordinarily old, jaded professors, that never found the satisfying sweetness of their own religion, and in time wearying of it, and not able to resist the strong temptation of spiritual enemies, and wanting rest in Christ because never truly united to Him, have withered, and, like the unclean spirit, seeking rest and finding none, have here at last stumbled."
[23] How sad it is—ay, worse than sad—that so many of our Sabbathschool teachers lose sight of these things! Is not the teaching of an unprepared teacher positively injurious, even though sound and good? It is heartless in itself and deadening to the children. It is only by much preparation, specially in the way of prayer, that we shall reach the conscience. It is not difficult to touch the feelings or the fancy; but the conscience is not so easily pierced. "This kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting."
[24] She wrote several other little pieces, some of which were published in a small 32mo, entitled, Christ andthe Christian. We may mention here also, that she wrote a little memoir of a child whom she used to visit in Kelso. It was called Little Mary, the HappyChild. This was in 1846.
[25] Through M.’s unwearied endeavours, this Mrs P____ was brought to the knowledge of the Lord, and, after a few years of consistent walking, fell asleep in Jesus about six months ago.
[26] The reader will perhaps call to mind the contrast between this scene and that of the last night of December 1836, when the gaieties of the ballroom closed the one year and ushered in the next.—See page 13.
[27] The following letter to a friend will furnish a specimen of the faithful, solemn way in which she dealt with those who were still afar off. "You say you sigh for works and morality, but that all that you hear is about faith. Here are God’s own words—’Without faith it is impossible to please God.’ And again, it is written—’A man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.’ All our works till we are united by a living faith to Jesus are abominable in the sight of God. How can creatures who are altogether sinful and depraved do anything pleasing to a holy God? We must first come to Jesus and have all our sins pardoned on accountof what Hehas done, and then the love of Christ will constrain us to do what is pleasing in his sight. The believer works because he is forgiven, not that he may be forgiven. You say that a doctrine like this must have a dangerous tendency. No, dear ____, believe me, no; rather believe God who cannot lie; this doctrine is the only one that will make a sinner holy. What does God say on this very subject? Paul writes to the Romans, ’Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we that are dead to sin live any longer therein?’ Do you think that any sinner going to Jesus and receiving a full free pardon for all his sins simply by believing on His name—do you think a pardoned sinner, beaming with gratitude and love to Him who has so graciously blotted out in His own precious blood all iniquities, could continue to live in sin? No, it is impossible; God forbid. He cannot do the abominable thing which God hates; he hates sin, because God hates it, and because it was his sins that nailed Jesus to the cross—and he loves holiness, because God loves it, and because by becoming holy he becomes more like that God who has done so much for him. We are always wanting to do something that we may be saved, but Jesus tells us that He has already done everything. When He was expiring on the cross, He exclaimed, ’It is finis hed.’ He has done all the work, and there is now nothing for us to do but to believe in Him, and then we shall be saved—then we are saved. ’He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life.’ ’Look unto me and be ye saved.’ Where is there room for works there? Dear ____, a look is sufficient, a look will save you. Oh! if you would only look at Jesus once, you would never look away again, and by looking to Him you will grow like Him. Go to God pleading simply the merits of His beloved Son, and be sure He will not cast you out. ’Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out.’ There is no presumption in going to God and pleading the finished work of Jesus as your only ground of acceptance with Him; it is presumption to go pleading anything else. We can never merit heaven by our own works; we deserve nothing but wrath. ’The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.’ ’By grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.’ Now, dear ____, my love to your precious never-dying soul is my only reason for writing you all this. Do not think that I wish to teach you; no, I am too ignorant to pretend to teach any one. I know nothing myself, so that I cannot teach others; but I know this, and you know it too, that I love you very much, and therefore I long for you to be born again.
[28] She means Mr. Robertson of Musselburgh, in whose ministry she so much delighted.
[29] "How precious," says Mrs. Stevens, "are the moments when God and His child are at perfect agreement on the question of what is most to the soul’s enrichment; when the Divine liberality, which waits to be gracious, is answered by the earnest devotion which longs to be holy; and spiritual treasures are, in consequence, given and received! This condition is one of the highest dignity and enjoyment that belongs to the immortal soul."
[30] She felt what an old minister sets down in his diary as his experience. Abstraction and solitude have done me much good, God hath oftentimes visited me in a solitary wilderness.
[31] For a good many years past, there has been a "Union for Prayer" among Christians, for several days together, towards the end or beginning of each year. These M____ prized much. They were not superstitious observances or Popish forms to her, whatever some may affirm respecting them. She saw nothing more of superstition in the practice of those who cannot (by distance) meet together m the body, agreeing to meet in spirit at certain times, than in the practice of those who can come together, having prayer-meetings at a certain hour.
[32] See Psalms 62:1—"Truly my soul is SILENT for God."
{Margin )
Works, vol. 18 p. 283. See other places also, for he frequently refers to the topic, maintaining that our Lord meant to affirm that each heir of the kingdom "hath his angel," yet that they are not ministers or servants of the godly, "but ministers of God, for the godly," a distinction which we often overlook when quoting Hebrews 1:14. He shews also, that, as being holy beings, and beings who have such love to us, they ought to be loved "with a great and holy love," so that we ought to "long for their company."—Vol. 5. Pp. 235-245.
She thus writes in her diary—" Thursday,25 June 1846.—The Rev. T. was inducted this day pastor of the Free Church here. May the Lord bless him, and make him a blessing! Felt very much drawn to him; I cannot tell how, as I have never heard him; but I take this as a token, that he is a gift from Christ to us; and if so, I mustlove him. Felt the presence of the Master much during the ordinance. It was very solemn. I feel as if this were really the beginning of good days to P____."
[34] Perhaps these words may call to mind a passage of Augustine— "Thou art in the heart of those that confess to Thee, and cast themselves upon Thee, and weep in Thy bosom, after all their rugged ways. Then dost Thou gently wipe away their tears, and they weep the more, and joy in weeping" (Confessions, B. v. ch. 2. Sect. 2)