3.03 There Must Be Authority

Chapter 3. There must be PARENTAL AUTHORITY. The first duty which devolves upon the mother in the training of her child—is the establishment of her authority over him—that is, the forming in him the habit of immediate, implicit, and unquestioning obedience to all her commands. And the first step to be taken, or, rather, perhaps the first essential condition required for the performance of this duty—is the fixing of the conviction in her own mind that this is her God-given duty. Unfortunately, however, there are not only vast numbers of mothers who do not in any degree perform this duty—but a large proportion of them have not even a theoretical idea of the obligation of it! An Objection. "I wish my child to be governed by reason and reflection," says one. "I wish him to see the necessity and propriety of what I require of him, so that he may render a ready and willing compliance with my wishes, instead of being obliged blindly to submit to arbitrary and despotic power." She forgets that the faculties of reason and reflection, and the power of appreciating "the necessity and propriety of things," and of bringing considerations of future, remote, and perhaps contingent good and evil to restrain and subdue the impetuousness of appetites and passions eager for present pleasure—are qualities that appear late, and are very slowly developed, in the childish mind; that no real reliance whatever, can be placed upon them in the early years of life; and that, moreover, one of the chief and expressly intended objects of the establishment of the parental relation is to provide, in the mature reason and reflection of the father and mother, the means of guidance which the youthful reason and reflection of the child do not possess during the period of his immaturity. The elements of parental duty and obligation. Indeed, the chief end and aim of the parental relation, as designed by the Author of nature, may be considered as comprised, it would seem, in these two objects, namely: First, the physical sustenance of the child by his parents, during the period necessary for the development of his strength. Secondly, the guidance and direction of the child’s mind, during the development of his reason. The second of these obligations is no less a duty than the first. To expect him to provide the means of his physical sustenance from the resources of his own childish strength—would imply no greater misapprehension on the part of his father and mother, than to expect him to provide the means of his mental sustenance by his childish reason. The expectation in the two cases would be equally vain. The only difference would be that, in the failure which would inevitably result from the trial, it would be in the one case the body that would suffer, and in the other the mind. The judgment and mental capacity, are more slowly developed than the body. Indeed, the necessity that the mind and conduct of the child should be controlled by the reason of the parents—is in one point of view greater, or at least more protracted, than that his physical needs should be supplied by their power; for the development of the thinking and reasoning powers is late and slow, in comparison with the advancement toward maturity of the physical powers. It is considered that a boy attains, in this country, to a sufficient degree of physical strength at the age of from seven to ten years, to earn his living; but his reason is not sufficiently mature to make it safe to entrust him with the care of himself and of his affairs—until he is of more than twice that age. The parents can actually thus sooner look to the physical strength of the child for his support, than they can to his reason for his guidance. To aid in the development and cultivation of the child’s thinking and reasoning powers, is doubtless a very important part of a parent’s duty. But to cultivate these faculties is one thing, while to make any control which may be procured for them over the mind of the child the basis of government, is another. To explain the reasons of our commands is excellent—if it is done in the right time and manner. The wrong time is when the question of obedience is pending; and the wrong manner is to offer them inducements to obey. We may offer reasons for recommendations, when we leave the child to judge of their force, and to act according to our recommendations or not, as his judgment shall dictate. But reasons should never be given as inducements to obey a command. The more completely the obedience to a command rests on the principle of simple submission to parental authority—the easier and better it will be both for parent and child.