S. Significance of Having Family Meals Together
Significance of Having Family Meals Together In our busy and fast paced culture, finding time for family togetherness, particularly for children, has become a great challenge. One of the best ways I have discovered in spending time with our children is at the dining table. Research shows that the presence of parents is very beneficial at four key times of the day—early morning, after school, dinnertime, and bedtime.[1] As the day begins with the members of the family scattering to various activities of the day—children to study and parents to work—the supper time provides the best opportunity for the family to gather together for meaningful fellowship. It is a sad witness that families having meals together is not the norm of our day. Even if they have meals together occasionally, that would be in front of the television. Our generation seems to be valuing only eating, not fellowship.
Benefits of Eating Together The advantages of spending meal times together as a family cannot be overemphasized. In November 2004, CBS News cited a study showing that children who ate regular meals with their parents were less likely to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, take drugs, get depressed, or commit suicide.[2] The access to parents that the family meal gives children has been shown to reduce stress and to improve the emotional and therefore the physical well-being of children.[3] In another study of eighty-six families, half of whom included asthmatic children, researchers found that families who used family routines, specifically mealtimes together, had lower levels of anxiety, which correlated with fewer school absences, fewer hospitalizations, and fewer medicinal interventions.[4] Do you realize how important it is for your family to have meals together? This does two things: a) It brings all the family members together and b) It paves way for fellowship and sharing, strengthening the family bond.
We need to know that the purpose of eating together is not just eating; it is talking to each other, particularly about things that matters for eternity. [I have learned that no matter what we talk, if we don’t teach our children to revere God and to live according to His will revealed in the Holy Bible, all our talking and spending time with them is in vain for the eternal welfare of their soul.] When we study the Holy Scripture, we observe that dining table was a place where Christ Jesus had had his wonderful ministry. What did Christ do when He had mealtimes with Lazarus, Mary and Martha (John 12:2 ff), Simon the Pharisee (Luke 7:36 ff), a Pharisee (Luke 11:37 ff), a prominent Pharisee (Luke 14:1 ff), Zacchaues (Luke 19:2 ff) and with the twelve on Passover night (Luke 22:14 ff)? He had meaningful conversations, imparting to them the wisdom from above, teaching great truths about the kingdom of God and sharing His life with them. I have found dining table to be a great pulpit to be used in impacting lives for the glory of God.
Eat Together and Stay Knit Together
Speaking about my upbringing, it was not the discipline of our family to eat meals together. And even if we had at times, my father made it a strict rule not to speak while eating. He considered it as an improper manner and harbored a myth that it hinders the digestion of food. As you can well guess, I carried this pattern of not eating meals together in my family too. When I was hungry, I was known for eating without waiting for anyone. I also coined this phrase, “When it comes to eating, time and Stephen wait for none.” For years I didn’t realize the importance of having family meals.
However, though late, I have learned how important it is to eat with my wife and children, having a time of sharing with them. While there are exceptions, I have resolved not to miss family fellowship meal, for I have realized that just as the family that prays together stays together, so is the family that eats together knits together. I found it to be a great joy to listen, talk and teach my children during our family meals. I am sure my children would carry this sacred habit when they grow up and have their own family.
Other Options for Busy Families
I understand that having family meals together may be found quite difficult by some. They may have such working shifts which may not allow them to be with their families during supper. To some, the boss may require more time from them and often leave them late to home. The usual traffic jams at the evening is another hindrance not to reach home on time. In such situations, the following are some suggestions which may be helpful:
In your absence during supper time, your spouse can still spend time with the children and carry on the healthy habit of eating together. Two are better than one but when two are not available together, one is better than none.
If having supper together is not possible during the week, how about having it at least in the weekend, including holidays?
Something is better than nothing, right? Although it is a hurry time, having a planned breakfast together as a family is a good idea. “Relaxation, communication and a measure of beauty and pleasure should be part of even the shortest of meal breaks,” said Edith Scaeffer.[5]
Tips for Meaningful Family Meals
I have mentioned how mealtime is a good opportunity to teach and train children in the knowledge of God’s word. Also, they learn appropriate behavior, disclose their minds and improve communication skills. How pleasant it would be in your family when you have discussions and sharing during meals together with your children! But how can we have fruitful mealtime conversation? Here are some tips, offered by Kent and Barbara Hughes, to help your children learn how to participate in conversation with both family and guests.
Listen. When you are at the table, be fully there. You can’t contribute to a conversation you haven’t been listening to.
Learn to ask questions. Don’t wait for someone to direct the conversation toward you.
Don’t talk while chewing.
Has a family member had a bad day? Give a word of encouragement.
Don’t “hold court” or hog the conversation. (i.e. don’t dominate the conversation, thereby not letting other members to talk)
Draw out the quiet person.
If conversation is lagging, bring up a new topic.
Don’t interrupt.
Thank the cook![6]
Recipe for Better Mealtimes
I ought to tell you that having family meals together requires discipline. Without proper planning and commitment this is not going to work. Moreover, to avoid supper time to become either a boring or tedious thing, it is helpful to have proper boundaries, so that having meals together would be an interesting family activity to which all members would look forward to participate every day. The following is a recipe for better mealtimes:
Plan ahead. While some take the responsibility in cooking the food, others should assist in setting up the dinner table and cleaning thereafter.
Insist on prompt attendants when called. It is good to have a fixed time for supper. Let everyone arrange their schedule in a way that they would be present during the dinner time. Don’t allow a come-when-you-feel-like-it habit.
Turn off the TV. This is a great distraction and stealer of family togetherness.
Turn off the radio/CD player. The point is to listen to each other, not to songs or to music. An instrumental music, with low volume, is not a bad idea though.
Start with a table prayer, genuinely expressed. Call on a different family member to lead each time. But keep it short.
Keep the atmosphere positive by encouraging pleasant talk. Don’t allow “attacks” on the food quality or one another. Do not entertain negative, sarcastic and complaining talk.
Don’t fight over quantities, especially with preschoolers, who often go on feast-or-famine jags. Hunger will prevail over time. However, if for social reasons you want to require that children “try some of everything on the table,” fine.
Involve everyone in conversation. Begin your conversation about the affairs of the day and see how all can be edified from the wisdom of God’s word.[7]
Switch off your mobile phone. If you expect an important call, put it on silent mode so that you can call back later after the mealtime.
Don’t encourage neighborhood children to join regularly during family meals. Children often get distracted in the presence of other children. So make best use of mealtime to foster your relationship with your children, listen to them, train and teach them. O, sure, make it a fun time too.
Therefore, if you don’t have the habit of having family meals together, why can’t you commit yourself to start practicing this good habit right away, both for the welfare of your spouse and of your children, not to mention of your own soul?
End Notes:
1. Cited by Dr. James Dobson, Brining up Boys (Illinois: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2001), 91.
2. Cited by Ray Comfort, How to Bring Your Children to Christ (Bartlesville: Genesis Publishing Group, 2005), 42
3. Jenn Berman and Donna Corwin, The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2007), 134
4. Ibid., 135 5. Edith Schaeffer, Hidden Art (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale, 1971), 123 6. Kent and Barbara Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Family (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2007), 130
7. These advices have been adapted from Dean Merrill, [ed] Mike Yorkey, The Christian Dad’s Answer Book (Colorado Springs, Co: Faith Parenting, 1997), 121, with few additions of mine.
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