Saved 19 years ( fall into same sin)

Im nearing the end of myself and im very confused and need help, I was dramtically saved 19 yrs ago from the verge of suicide. Was delivered from drugs etc.... A brand new creation, Thru the yrs i got married ( to a non believer) had kids but i always struggled in certain seasons with lust of men... I seek the thrill of flirting etc.... I would repent find myself back close with the Lord and yrs later fall again.. I now find myself i had fallen so far this past yr because my alcohlic mom moved in with me and our home life has suffered greatly. During the summer i was tempted in the worst way i ever had been and i comitted adultery, I have confessed to my husband this past week and we agree to seek counseling and heal our marriage.... But i am at the end of myself in not knowing how to deal with anymore.. I Beg God to help.... I quote scriptures i worship i study.. WHAT IS WRONG ?!!!!!!!!

I dont feel free from it after confessing... It is like a drug to me its strange..... Ive read so many sermons and studies on thsi topic.. Thinking i had hold of it and Wham im blasted and fall.. Im soooooooooo sick of my up and downs with The Lord its made me even wodner at times if i ever was saved or If God even cares.... Help me Please.....

I will be praying for you and your husband. Also may I suggest some of the messages from the following site
[url=http://www.howtolivevictorious.com/]How To Live Victorious[/url]
Dear Sister perhaps words from Isaiah would comfort you, and guide you through this battle. I suggest chapters 40-45 all at once, and believe that HE is able to save to the uttermost them that cometh to Him by Jesus!!!!!

Dear sister, will join in prayer for this matter.

I dont feel free from it after confessing

I believe that we, as a society, are more wrapped up in our feelings than at any other time in history. Everything is about how we feel.

Sister, remember that a walk with Christ begins with faith and continues each day in faith, feelings are far too fickle and deceptive to rely upon. I love the cry of the father in Matthew...
And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.
(Mar 9:24)
In the light of His unfathomable love for you, in the light of the fact that He gave His Son for you and certainly will not withhold any other gift, ask Him to stir faith in your heart, faith to stand on His promises. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
(1Co 10:13)

In Christ,

Ron

I know exactually where your coming from. (except for the whole marriage thing)

I personally knew I had this struggle, and because of that I SAYED away from other women. (I've been completly single for a couple years now)

Some counseling is good, but not all. Some sermons are good, but not all.

To you personally, I can give you only two suggestions (this is not universal, just to her personally).

1. If you haven't already, bring this to Christ. Ask your husband to pray for you. And fast (Lord leading). But do bring this request before your Loving Father, He has ultimate power of every demon. They are but an ant, compared to His strength.

2. Be set apart. Take away your T.V. T.V. is a STRONG influence. Without knowing it you can give the enemy and that desire, to rise up in you when you watch T.V.

For me personally, a huge relief was when I put the T.V. away. (I haven't had Cable/attenna in almost a year now) When I took that away from my own life, it make the battle easier. (But still wasn't set free) And I feel, just resently I've been set free.

God will set you free. That was one of the main points He came. 'To set the captives free' and maybe in your case 'To bind up the broken hearted'.

Ask God to show you the 'root' of this problem. Then deal with it directly.

**Also, in this delicate state your in. I'd also like to stay to you, "No matter what you do, it cannot, seperate you from the Love of God. His love for you will never, ever, ever change. God isn't condemning you for your sin, that's Satan. Your sins have been washed away in Christ. There is NO NO NO NO NO NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. Your not saved by works but by His ever abounding love. Think of God's love this way. (If you have children) Do you love your children any less when they mess up? No, but your heart breaks for them to do the right thing. You cheer on your child to do the right thing. God is cheering you on. Your His child and not a slave to law. He loves you, no matter what."

Also, I just realized your s/n (screen name). I will be praying for you that your no longer a 'broken vessel' but a fully alive and complete vessel in His kingdom.

May Christ restore to you everything that the enemy has taken from you.

Thank you so much for the loving words of healing that i need. I admit i sort of cringed when i posted here thinking someone was gonna say i am or was not born again......

Heb 12:1 Therefore let us also, seeing we are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Heb 12:2 looking unto Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising shame, and hath sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Don't neglect to read chapter 11 of Hebrews because it's of the same thought and chapter 12 is just a continueing of ch11. We all have sin areas that seem to re-occur but thoughs sins can and often do keep us from looking up and seeing Jesus the author and finisher of our LIVES, we were created to become that which we observe (we become what we behold) and hold in high esteem, when we look so closely at our failures and sins we actually worship self, Jesus said to deny self, Secondly > we are creatures of identification, the enemies plans are to keep us focused on identifying with failure, The Word of God says to identify with Jesus Christ. We do that by our dedication to knowing who He is and what He stood for or did and copying Him in action as well as character. Now everyone stumbles and falls but only thoughs who get up finish the race.

The above is what I remind myself about continuely, I'll just share it with you, you're gonna make it :-) , He who began a good work IN YOU will be FAITHFUL to COMPLETE it, so Look up and see Jesus. My prayers and Love in Christ

BrknVessel...take it from me and many others I have known whom God has brought mighty deliverance to - there is NOTHING we can do to set ourself free. No amount of bible study, sermon listening, retreat attending, prayer & fasting, or counseling sesssions (as beneficial as they all are) can set me free from my sin.

Paul talked about being a "minister of the new covenant". This covenant is a covenant of the Spirit, not the letter that kills. This covenant is no longer "If you..then I will" but is instead "I will put My law in you..."
It is a law of life, a law of freedom, a law of power. It is no longer a yoke of bondage.

Romans 7 is where you are at right now. YOu are saying "What I hate I end up doing" Romans 8 is the answer to Romans 7. We are corrupt human beings apart from Jesus Christ. It is ONLY His life that frees us from the hold. All we need to do is believe on Him. Believe He is able, believe He is willing, believe He is loving, believe He has the power to break this over your life.

The Law shows you your exceeding wickedness. The Law's job is to show you how corrupt you are before a Holy God. But Jesus came to free you from the condemnation of the law and give you a newness.

Receive it! It's worked and will continue to work! Christ the New Covenant!

Ormly wrote:

Having been where you are, one question to you will I ask, "How badly do you want the Lord?"

This is good. I have been [i]exactly[/i] where you are, and I mean [i]exactly[/i]. I felt just as you feel. My marriage wound up in divorce and I wound up pregnant before the divorce was final by another man's child. Oh my God, I hate to tell this...that was 11 years ago. I reached the point of being suicidal, yet I had children, I couldn't kill myself.

All I can say, Sister, is let the pain work. Don't run from the pain. Just sit down somewhere alone with God and let the pain run. Let it run through and through. Cry, and forget about listening to people. Cry to God. Scream and say everything you've ever thought to God. Don't look for a way out of this...just wait on God and wait with a scream coming out of your belly.

I can honestly say, after a lifetime of living with lust, I'm free. I don't lust after men at all, and it isn't something I have done. It's something that death has done. That part of me has died, and now I lust for God. Until you reach the point (which, I think you're real close), of hating yourself and your sin, you won't fling yourself into the grave with Christ. If I can help in any way, let me know. I [i]will [/i]be praying for you. But, know, that my prayer will be that you will not escape by some other route. Love, Dian.

Sister,

I can truly relate to the struggle you shared with us. My struggle was not in the same sin you are dealing with but in the area of evil imagination.

I did all the things that people advise you to do in order to gain victory: memorize verses, plead the blood, read the Bible, pray. All of these worked - for a while, then boom! And I was powerless to resist. Sister, I cried, prayed and cried and prayed some more, and more, and more. It was a vicious cycle. BUT I kept on and sister, I think this is the key! You keep knocking hard on the door and then Jeus will answer. I suspect there is demonic activity - whether it is possession or whatever, I do not know - involved here. But do not let that frighten you - it is just good to know what your enemy looks like so you can go to war. Sister, you know you are in a war and the devil is determined to win.

Sister, I would urge you to keep going to your knees and pour out yur heart to the LORD...just keep doing it until you find deliverance. It will come - it may take a while - but you must be persistent. Then after deliverance is gained, remove yourself from situations where you may be tempted. You will have to realize that the restrictions you place on yourself may have to be more severe then what others have to impose on themselves. But do not let that bother you. You are responcible for yourself and only you have to answer to God for yourself, not an other person. Make sense?

Sister, there is hope and deliverance. Just keep fighting. You have people on this forum praying for you. Please come back again and keep us informed about your progress or lack of it. We care!

Love & prayers,
ginnyrose

I have at times been so close to The Lord, Seen firsthand his deliverance, Known the peace that passes all undestanding, Known what its like to Go from darkness to Light.. I WANT JESUS.. I NEED HIM.. After knowing him and sinking into the vileness of sin ( there is no worse torture )

Its empty lonely dark painful ..........

To be honest right now i feel overhwlemed... With the remorse of my sin, Having a unsaved husband, an alcoholic sloppy mom ( who doesnt want to change) living in my house....

I have been a stay at home mom for 16 yrs and husband wants me to work now.. Im scared about doing that...

Broken wrote:

To be honest right now i feel overwhelmed... With the remorse of my sin, Having a unsaved husband, an alcoholic sloppy mom ( who doesnt want to change) living in my house....

Sister, do you have any children at home? What kind of job does your husband (DH) want you to do?

ginnyrose

I have 3 kids.. 15 yr old son, 9 yr old daughte, 6 yr old daughter... we have gotten behind in medical bills etc. He actually has a good job. A supervisor in restaurant business... But Like i said he needs me to get a small part time job to help get us ahead... and im worried being flung out there when i am so fragile right now

Broken,

You are in a tough situation: your DH is not a Christian and yet the Bible teaches wives should submit to their husbands, even the ungodly ones. Your concern for your spiritual welfare is legitimate.

Is there any other place for your mother to go to where she can be taken care of? You have a lot on your plate....I hate to suggest she be removed from your home, but if she is only adding to the stress...what are your options?

ginnyrose

Let me give u a brief background... I was not real close to my mom... Shes always been a drunk surounding herself with the worst ppl... Druggies, Felons CRackheads.... 2 yrs ago i felt so much pity for her i begged her to sell her home and live with us. Her health is not so good and as i said.. her lifestyle was terrible.. Shes 66 yrs old... a mean drunk and to be honest an absolute slob.... ( she has still not taken a shower since being with us over a yr now..)

We bought a real nice home to make room for her and thru so many fights of her cleaning her room and cleanning herself ( I have got absolutely NOWHERE IN BRINGIN HER HERE ).......

the only place for her to go is back to her old life..... and with us her life has at least been more peaceful and safe..... but im at my wits end.. I tried eevery appraoch. nice and patient to downright mean... nothig works....

I guess i stepped out of Gods will bringin her here because its been nothing but chaos since she arrived...

Broken,

Since it is also your husbands home, what does he say about her presense there?

ginnyrose

brokenvessel(nah, in Christ, all's repaired :) )

Please do not live by emotions, ignore ungodly emotions, yeah, we women's emotions can be such hindrances to our walk sometimes, rather live only by GOD's truth/His facts.( What HE says,[i] never [/i]how we feel.)

Take matters only [b]1 day at a time[/b], moment by moment, consciously praying in your mind [b]without ceasing[/b]. Focusing on His grace and holiness rather than on your sins or others' sins.

Do consider your mom and husband with the same mercy that we ourselves are given from God, focus in on their lostness rather than sinfulness with compassion..

Saturate your mind with HOLINESS, HOLINESS, HOLINESS, nothing but holiness with prayer. And if Scriptures do not help at the moment, see if getting hold of spiritual books over Christian Warfares help. Read a few pages consistently day by day and practice holiness with prayers.( Martyn Lloyd Jones "The Christian Soldier" helps me a lot .)

When we say we love or desire GOD, we must pursue holiness simultaneously, for GOD is holy.

[b] 1 John 3:3
And every man that hath this hope in him [i]purifieth [/i] himself, even as he is pure[/b].

i will pray..please don't lose hope and be patient with all. :)

My husband had no problem with it at first In fact he went and got her in michigan.. We live in ohio... But as i said now i am at my wits end... To make my husband feel better i am going to a counseling session today. The downfall is its not a christian counseelor.. This is provided free thru his insurance for 8 sessions. But i am smart enough to know what to listen to and what not to..... Chrisian counseling is not cheap... sigh

whenever a sin overcame me I could not find deliverance unless I really wanted to be delivered. I mean, when I got to the point that I really hated myself and my sin, God stepped into my life and delivered me.

I'm sure you pray, read the Bible and do such other similar things. Do you meet with a group of believers who really love the Lord and want to be holy? Do you pray with them?
It's not easy to find such believers but I'm sure that if you pray and ask God, He will lead you to them.

I want to share you an article written by David Wilkerson about overcoming sin. God touched my heart many times through his messages and I pray He will touch and change your heart, too.

http://www.worldchallenge.org/pulpit_series/archive/ps79_0700.html

Ormly said:

It should never be about hating something enough to change but rather loving someone enough to change.

This is so true. Our sin (disobedience to the commandments) should show us that we don't love God. This is what happened to me, and when I realized that my actions told the real story of my heart toward God, I cried out. I began to just cry to God that he would teach me how to really love him, how to love him more than anything else. He is being faithful to answer that prayer. Oh! Bless God! He is good!

It should never be about hating something enough to change but rather loving someone enough to change.

This is so true. Our sin (disobedience to the commandments) should show us that we don't love God.

These quotes refer to the will. If we recall the original post, the writer was telling us how much she wanted to be free from this bondage. It was not a matter of the will not wanting to be free but the inability to free herself fron this bondage. Big difference. Simply wanting to be free will not do it. It requires a supernatural act of God through his Spirit.

ginnyrose

Brken,
I am skeptical of counselors....:-x Seriously, do you not have an older Christian lady, who is full of wisdom, whom you can share, confide in?

I guess on the practical level I am quite concerned with you having an alcoholic older person in the house with three little ones. The negative influence this person can have on those children could be very destructive. Consider that. Now what your options are, I do not know...but do think about them. Does your DH share your dislike for having an alcoholic living under his roof?

Brken, I may PM you for a more personal discussion. Do you know what to look for? Look on the left side of the screen under Menu for Brken and there will be a link telling you whether you have any messages. If there is one, click on it.

Blessings,
ginnyrose

It should never be about hating something enough to change but rather loving someone enough to change.

well, first the Lord put His finger on the sin in my life, He showed me who am I; then He showed me who He is so I want more and more to be like Him.
But these two things go together: more I love and know Him, more I hate sin and fear the Lord.

I am skeptical of counselors....

Im nearing the end of myself

Dear Brken,

I say this in all kindness; when you really really get to the end of yourself, God will be able to take over. The Christian life is not one of fighting and endless struggle. If a drowning person is to be rescued, he must be left until he finally gives up struggling, else he will take the rescuer down with him. God knows your torment and will wait for you to give up trying to solve everything, so He can step in and take over. It will take trust in Him to do this. God loves you and wants you to walk in His ways. Gal 5:16 tells us to "Walk by the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh". Our victory lies in hiding in Christ and trusting in His Holy Spirit to do whatever work needs to be done in us. The Lord tells us to abide in him. That means spending quiet time with Him, praying, studying His word, meditating on the scriptures. If you love someone you want to share things with them, spend time with them, do things with them. It takes practice to stop looking at the problem and focus our sight on Him. Mountains are no problem to Jesus.

I will pray that you receive a revelation of God's love. This is very important and will change your whole direction. I once had quite a similar attitude and very dire circumstances, God removed all help from me, so all I had was Him alone. I did not know how to love Him. Love Him? when all this mess was surrounding me?

[color=FF3300]"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee: yea, I will help thee: yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness".[/color]

Sister, I will hold you up in prayer.

Linda

Hey sister,
I just wanted to encourage you with this testimony. I will pray for you to see Him as He is, because that will be far more effective than anything I can say, but i believe this will help.

I was saved 4 years ago. I was also pretty radically changed. I went from a total atheist to whole hearted believer. I wanted to change, I hated sin, and I didnt need anyone to convince me of the things in my life that needed to go. I immediately repented, turned to Him and began desiring with all of my heart to serve and obey Him. However, there was always one sin that I kept going back to. No matter how well I seemed to be doing, I would fall almost like clockwork every 1-3 weeks to a pretty serious sin. At times I didnt know if I was saved. This happened for 3 and 1/2 years. Last winter I was getting to the point of giving up. I started telling people there is no victory. I stopped caring. But Jesus quickened me and brought me through it, and showed me some important things that have given me victory and freed me to continually abide in Him.

What he showed me first was that sin is not something you do, sin starts as a way you are, an attitude that you may have or a way you have living out your day. I realized that everytime I fell to that one specific action, it had been preceded by a day or two of not abiding in Jesus and loving Him. And so, ofcourse I would fall, because before I fell I was not seeking God. What reason does God have to give you power if you are not seeking Him?

This is the second thing He showed me. The end goal is not victory over sin. God does not want you to be victorious alone. He wants you to know Him, and because you know Him you will be free from sin. But the desire of your heart and your daily walk must be to know Him. He is victory over sin. He is salvation. The person, Jesus, is victory... so you must be walking in Him and abiding in Him in order to walk in victory. And if you are not doing this, ofcourse you are going to fall. What reason does God have to make you victorious if you are not loving and knowing Him? This is true holiness: to know Him continually, and the fruit of that will be holiness in all of your actions.

The third thing that God has shown me over the past 6 months that has brought tremendous freedom to me is that there is no condemnation in Christ. You will not have victory unless you are free from condemnation first. The reason you will not have victory is because if you are condemned, you will not come to Him and you will not have faith, if you are not coming to Him you will not have power. You must see your place in Christ. This is the most important thing. You must see that Jesus has killed you, filled you with Himself, and now what the father see's when you come to Him with an honest heart is Jesus, not you. You have been united with the Father in a relationship that is as deep and real as Jesus has had with the father for all of eternity. And the Father looks upon you in that way, through the blood of Jesus. You are seated with Christ in heavenly places. Through the blood you are free to come to the Father and His Son, and through the blood He will freely give His holy Spirit. You must come to Him every moment you think about Him with this attitude. You must come to Him every morning, realizing your freedom. It doesnt matter what your feelings say, it doesnt matter what your conscience says, if you are coming to God with a pure heart, His blood will wash you and you are free in Him. If you just seek to know Him and trust in what He has done for you, He will show you who He is. Forget about what your feelings are telling you... feelings change like the wind... one day you may feel happy, one day you may wake up tired... one day you may wake up grumpy... another you may wake up depressed... and another day you make feel condemned. If you cast off these feelings and see that God is above feelings, and trust in Him, He will fill you... and through your feelings you will have joy and faith.

1 John 3:20-22 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things. Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God. And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.

Do you see what this is saying? It doesnt matter if your heart is condemning you. God is greater than your heart. Jesus' blood is above that. When you cast off what you may be feeling and just simply trust in His blood, and trust in the fact that you have been united with the Father, your heart wont condemn you. And this passage says, if your heart doesnt condemn you then you have confidence toward God, you will keep His commandments, and you will receive whatever you ask. This is the promise of God. You will not be free from sin until you are first free from condemnation. You will not be free from condemnation until you rise above your flesh, and simply know that you have been united with the Father, you have become a child of God through Jesus' Blood, you have been seated with Him in heavenly places and it is through His works alone. Then you will be free to abide in Him continually, and it will be a joy, and a fruit of this will be a holy life.

Many say that you must be holy to enter the kindom. The bible does say this. But it also goes further than that. Jesus says that if anyone doesnt abide in Him, he is cast off and burned (jn 15). God's end is not for you to be holy, it is not for you to keep his commandments. This is a fruit of knowing Him. It is a fruit of loving Him, abiding in Him everyday. This is God's end for you. Jesus is not a means to an end. He is the end.

This is our goal, this is our prize, and so long as it is your goal everyday, to know Him, you will not stumble or fall. But, if you walk with him for 15 years, and for one day your end is not to know Him... you will immediately fall. Because God does not want you to stand if you are not standing on Him, the Rock.

You are crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, you live. But it isnt you who lives anymore. It is christ who lives in you. Come to the Father with the same authority that Jesus did, because it is Jesus in you who is actually coming to the Father. You are free.