blinx
I'm single.
I believe God has a wife for me and I'm waiting for her.
But I sometimes find it hard to concentrate on God when I'm thinking too much about 'her', you know?
Any advice on that?
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I'm single. Any word of advice?
B
P
Provost
I'm single too...just seek Him..love Him...learn about Him and He'll build you up
I
iansmith
I don't know if Valentines day was a big deal in Portugal, but it is here. It was a painful reminder but I remember that God has something better planned for me.
One of the lessons I've learned is that I [i]could
One thing I truly believe, and I'll quote my Pastor on this, 'Besides accepting Christ, there is no decision of greater importance in your life than who you choose to marry -and unfortunately most Christians don't understand this.'
God can make a beautiful thing out of a marriage that was against His will -just like he still worked through the line of David even after David's sin. But can you imagine what the line of David would have been like if David hadn't compromised?
There's a Korean proverb that says, 'Every shoe has a pair.' Koreans believe firmly that marriage is the most important sign that someone has stepped forward into adulthood. In ancient Korea you would change your haircut when you got married, and anyone unmarried was still considered a child -even if he was in his fifties.
Sorry for the tangent -but what I hoped to say with this illustration is that God has a match for you, there's another shoe to your pair. But it's not just any shoe, it's the shoe that God intends you to be with.
If God has a major plan for your life and has made you into a running shoe, and you end up marrying a high-heal, don't you imagine that would slow down your progress for God and send you spinning around in circles.
Now currently I've been praying for a wife, and I've also been praying about missions. I never used to think they had anything to do with eachother, but recently I've been meeting more missionary couples and I realize that they both have the same vision for reaching the lost, they're both willing to make the sacrifices to do it.
When I look at the girls that I've had crushes on in my church, I realize (and I don't mean this in a mean way) that they do not have those concerns. So I have had to change the lenses with which I am looking at sisters.
The fact of the matter is that God has someone for you, and when He brings her into your life you're going to know, or he's going to let you know. Until then, don't stress out, just focus on pleasing God and becoming a more fragrant blessing to others.
B
BenWilliams
I will tell you my experience, maybe it will help.
I was just out of a bad relationship, and as all young people do, I swore off ever getting married. (This by the way is at the age of 18.)
However, what I did do, that I haven't met many people that did this, is I went to God, and said: "If I am ever to get married, then my wife must meet these requirements." Then I listed about ten or twelve requirements, that I was not gonna back down on.
Now some people may say that that is me trying to control things, and not relying on the Lord to bring "the perfect woman" to me. That is a bunch of baloney.
The requirements I gave God were all Godly requirements. With the exception that I told Him I wanted a girl who would play some video games. (so maybe that one was my choice) : )
Anyways, I then proceeded to focus all my time and energy serving the Lord, and ignoring women entirely. Within about 4 months, one of my close friends (which happened to be a girl) suddenly became an interest for me.
So I sat her down, and we talked for about 5 hours a day, for a week. And she met every requirement that I had given God. We then decided to get married. But we figured it would be best to date for a bit, let all the family catch up on where we were at.
About 10 months later we got married. (that took too long) Never get engaged for more than a week. and don't date for more than about 15 minutes.
It was really a God thing, now do I believe that she was the only option out there that I could have married? No, but it became apparently obvious to me that she was the one God wanted me to marry.
Now, I'm not saying that you should go out and make a list, but if that helps to ward off girls that aren't Godly, by all means do so.
I
iansmith
My Pastor always says, 'make a list of 10 things, and if you find someone with five or seven of them, they're probably the one.'
Sometimes our lists are unreasonable, selfishly motivated or unrealistic. We have to remember that we're a person too -I certainly hope that if the girl that is looking for me doesn't have a list that says 'no chest hair,' or 'perfect teeth.' I'm finished!
Or even if she has a list, 'must be musically talented to lead praise,' or 'must be highly regarded in church.' Well if those are her requirements than I'm not going to fit them ~_~ Not that these are things I wouldn't desire in myself also. I'll just focus on being sold out for Jesus!
S
sermonindex
Ben: Your testimony is amazing. Maybe I can get my boyfriend to post his side of our story, because it's much like what you've said... and it's such a God thing that neither of us can hardly breathe. It's amazing.
Anyway...
It's probably going to sound silly, because I'm sure you have already figured this out, but patience is key. It's also going to sound silly coming from an 18 year old girl, but this is what I can tell you:
Patience is absolutely the most important thing in such a situation. Being that I'm 18 and still in high school for a few more months, I'm surrounded by young people that go back and forth between different boyfriends and different girlfriends every other week. I've always stayed away from that, knowing that this would be striving. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Rather than conforming to the patterns of the world, patience is key. Do it God's way and He'll bless you.
A while back God started working in my life and said that I had to get to the point where I was happy with being single my whole life. He never said it was going to be that way, but I had to live as though it was. Through many tears and much broken-heartedness, I came to terms with the idea that maybe I was meant to be single. Many times it's important for the sake of ministry to remain single-minded, and always it's important to trust in God that He will provide for you as you have need.
But God just recently rewarded my patience.
Brother Ian said that his pastor says to make a list of ten things. I think that's a good idea. Make a list of things you won't compromise on. Have any kids? Put that down: "Must love my children like they were their own." Have any favorite hobbies? Go ahead and put those down, too.
See, God really did reward my patience. I never made a list myself, but a friend of mine did. God had him make a list of things a while back.. things that he would never ever compromise on. Be sensitive to God while making this list, and be realistic. I wouldn't advise getting so specific as to put things like, "brown hair, green eyes, and however many feet tall" because those things are trivial in the scope of things. But my friend made this list... and he never compromised on it. He held on to that list and trusted in God to fulfill it... and He did. I just happened to be the one that fit the things on his list.
God has His timing, and He holds our lives in the palm of His hand. Trust in that...
These are the three verses that gave me patience. I prayed these as a prayer many times, and God continually increased both faith and patience, and then fulfilled the promise in these verses by giving me someone that, although I don't deserve him, I know that God wants me to be with. He has blessed us both because we have sought HIM first.
Romans 12:2--And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Hebrews 11:6
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
S
sermonindex
Also remember, that some are called to be single! And it is no more or less fun than having a partner.
S
sermonindex
I'm still waiting for some of the older saints here on SI to give advice... :-D
Resources:[url=http://www.amazon.com/Singled-Out-Nancy-Leigh-DeMoss/dp/0966712404/sr=8-1/qid=1171644569/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-3014696-7883910?ie=UTF8&s=books]Singled Out For Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss[b]highly recommend
[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=13918/]Dating Sermon by Paul Washer
"You will never realize that Christ is all you need until He's all you have. And when He's all you have, you will come to understand that He is really all you need!" Taken from [i]Singled Out For Him
"The fact is, if we're not content with what we have, we will never be content with what we think we want...The man or woman who does not learn contentment as a single is highly unlikely to be content once married...The deepest needs and longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any human being but only by God Himself...The key to joyous living is to embrace the will of God and to receive with gratitude whatever gift [speaking of singlehood or marriage] He has given us." Taken from [i]Singled Out For Him
B
BenWilliams
That is way cool Amy, it appears that the Lord has truly blessed you both.
Amazingly enough, the things on my list were not even personal preferences, they were things like:
They must be willing to go hungry, for the spreading of the gospel, even to the point of starvation, and ultimately death.
These requirements I never wrote down, but I probably should have, I'm just not good at writing stuff down.
V
vico
[ edit ]
I
iansmith
I'm as guilty of this as anyone else, but if one is going to write a reply, please read what other people have posted before -in their entirety. Otherwise one might look foolish.
Vico, thank God that he showed you His list, but I think you could have found a more gracious way to say this.
The fact of the matter is that we all have our own personal preferences and selfishness that blinds us from seeing what God wants us to value, that's why my pastor said 'make a list of ten' implying that we have to be realistic with our own desires, but also to settle for what God offers you.
In the case of these other two contributions, God has provided abundantly, excedingly above what they expected. However what I wanted to say earlier is that God wants to give us the Best, but some times we're looking for 10 good things which aren't God's best and we can miss them.
Vico, instead of implying a lack of experience with God as your post has suggested of us, if I had been in your shoes I would have said something to the ring of: 'Amen, It's good to hear how God is working in these people's lives. I have personally been convicted by God's top-ten list, let me tell you what he said was important to me when looking for a wife.'
Let's continue to be edifying. Thanks =)
B
blinx
Thx alot for the advices and testimonies! They are really encouraging! I never made an actual list but I did think of some things about 'her' like one:
- Must be on fire for Jesus
This one to me is essential. And if she's on fire for Jesus she'll want someone who's also on fire for Jesus. So that's what I gotta do.
I pray that God may be patient with me and help me, and teach me in how to love Him and Seek Him and trust Him above all else. And be humble too.
See ya ;)
P
PreachParsly
I'm single.
I believe God has a wife for me and I'm waiting for her.
But I sometimes find it hard to concentrate on God when I'm thinking too much about 'her', you know?Any advice on that?
I'm single also. Here is my advice: don't worry about it. :-D
I use to secretly think to myself "Lord, I hope you don't come back until have had a wife and children." Putting it that plainly, you can see I wasn't willing to forsake all and focus on him. The Lord changed my prospective now I think, "Lord, it matters not whether I get married. It's not about my pleasure or my convenience. It's about You."
When the Lord changed my thinking, it was a great deliverance. It may seem like only a subtle thing, but it felt as if a burden has been lifted from me.
Besides, who has time for a wife? ;-) I’m joking, I wouldn’t mind having a wife as long as she would propel me closer to Christ.
1Cr 7:27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
V
vico
sorry brother! i actually had a longer post all typed out with more details but didn't have time to finish it. instead of deleting it all i just left that sentence there and submitted it. i didn't realize until after you mentioned it what that must have sounded like. :oops:
i'm really sorry for any misunderstanding to any of you that read that. i didn't mean it the way it sounded, next time i'll use more discernment before doing something like that again.
i appreciate your concern brother, your reply was a good rebuke to me and it was well received.
God bless you!
Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another. Romans 14:19
For the Glory of God,
vico
I
iansmith
I once heard a different pastor speaking on marriage, his prayer for a wife was, 'Lord, help me to find a woman that loves You more than she'll ever love me, and always push me closer to you.'
God was faithful to his prayers -to this day he's still the pastor of the church, but she's considered the spiritual heart of the church and leads bible studies at several college campuses -having personally lead hundreds of people to the Lord. I think this shows humility two fold, he was ready to submit to Jesus for his wife, and he was ready to submit to his wife as she served the Lord.
Be careful what you wish for, if you pray for a girl who's sold out to Jesus He may just give you one, and if you're not sold out entirely too you might just be along for the ride!
One of the best sermons I ever heard on dating and marriage was Ravi Zacharias' message called 'I, Isaac, Take Thee Rebekah.' Which Ravi later compiled into the book by the same name.
The original message is here:
http://rzim.org/radio/archives.php?p=LMPT&v=detail&id=251
http://rzim.org/radio/archives.php?p=LMPT&v=detail&id=250
I think the best part of this message is that there's more to meeting the right person than just praying (although praying was what Isaac was doing when Rebekah first saw him). There's also community and family involvement. There are a lot of facets that God uses to bring us into a right relationship with himself while bringing us into a relationship with someone else.
I hope that I can have as strong a testimony about marriage after the fact as I do while being single =) God willing!
S
sermonindex
Hi everyone
There's been some very good counsel already on this thread, Maybe I can just add a book recommendation and two testimonies (one of being single - my own - and one married).
The book is "God is a Matchmaker" by Derek Prince. He remarried after his first wife died, and tells how the Lord directed him to the woman of His choice both times. He deals with all the paractical issues like preparing for marriage, the question of marrying a divorcee etc etc. Its also very readable.
I can testify from personal experience that if being single is God's choice for your life then He closes up the "gaps". I find life is very fulfilling, and a lot less complicated than it would be if there were a husband and kids to consider. I often joke that if the Lord brought "Mr Right" along after all these years (I'm only just the right side of 60!) he would be in the way!
Not that I haven't had temptations, and sometimes the mother instinct kicks in too, but most of the time life is more than OK.
The Lord dealt with the marriage issue right at the start of my Christian life. I was 18, consciously seeking God, and also had my first (and only) boyfriend. He was a Muslim, and a friend who had been saved a few months was being challenged about giving up her boyfriend who wasn't a Christian either.
The night I heard about this, the Lord said clearly in my mind, "[i]If
I just couldn't live without God any longer, and after a while it became clear that we were walking on different paths and I had to finish with the boy. Looking back, I realise we weren't suited anyway and would have been very unhappy if we'd married, even apart from him being a Muslim).
The marriage testimony is of friends of mine, . Tom decided it was time he had a wife, so he prayed about it.
One Sunday in church, he was early as usual, and sitting watching people come in. He decided the Lord was showing him what to do. He prayed, "Lord, I believe that the next girl who comes through the door will be the one you've chosen to be my wife".
Sure enough, the door opened and a girl came in. He thought, "Oh no, not [i]her[i]me
They've now been happily married for many years.
I wouldn't recommend that sort of "courtship", but it just shows what the Lord can do!
Trust Him and wait for the right one He has planned for you. Easier said than done, but the Lord will give you the strength.
Jeannette
S
sermonindex
Over the hill and turning 40 this year and no one to fill my bosom.
I've been single all my life, never dated, and don't know a thing about any of the aspects of the opposite sex.
I would like to get married one day, have a family. It's all too scary because all I have ever known is the single life.
I hope that when that day comes that I would be a good example of what it means to be a husband and father.
S
SeanHobson
This is an interesting post. I too have been called of God to accept that which he called Jeremiah too. I have no desire to be with another person; and though marriage can be dressed up in fancy garments and lofty pretences, I refuse to bind myself in a wretched sin by depriving some innocent woman of the rest of her life just because I want to have sex. That may be blunt, but that is my basest inclination whenever I think of marriage, and thus it has been forbidden me. I think we all ought to try our hearts of whether we seek fellowship in love with the opposite sex, or just *edit* just lust*edit. I did and was shown the wickedness of my inner most desires.
Who here has read the Great John Wesley's letters between him and his wife, and how his marriage fared when he received warning not to marry from his brothers, though he did anyway? Interesting stuff.
My advice (though I’m not worthy to give any) is to truly make no provisions for the flesh and care only for the things of the Lord. Vague I know but Christ will fill in the blanks..
In my haste to produce to post I have violated common laws of decency, of the which another brother had to point out to me. I am greatly grieved at my blindness and apologize to any and all who has seen my error and been offended. I apologize.
S
sermonindex
SeanHobson wrote:
This is an interesting post. I too have been called of God to accept that which he called Jeremiah too. I have no desire to be with another person; and though marriage can be dressed up in fancy garments and lofty pretences, I refuse to bind myself in a wretched sin by depriving some innocent woman of the rest of her life just because I want to have sex. That may be blunt, but that is my basest inclination whenever I think of marriage, and thus it has been forbidden me. I think we all ought to try our hearts of whether we seek fellowship in love with the opposite sex, or just intercourse. I did and was shown the wickedness of my inner most desires.Who here has read the Great John Wesley's letters between him and his wife, and how his marriage fared when he received warning not to marry from his brothers, though he did anyway? Interesting stuff.
My advice (though I’m not worthy to give any) is to truly make no provisions for the flesh and care only for the things of the Lord. Vague I know but Christ will fill in the blanks..
Its sad that even John Wesley seems to have made a mistake in this - he seems to have been so desperate for a wife that he married the first available one, after "missing the boat" twice, when the girl he loved was snapped up by someone else.
Paul said in 1Corinthians 7:8 "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion."
Jeannette
S
sermonindex
Hey blinx,
Think not about what you do not have, but be grateful for that which you do. As for myself, before becoming a Christian, I had over a hundred girlfriends and slept with a great number of them. Was that ever fulfilling? Never, not once. A few years ago, I received Jesus, but still did some of the things I should not have done. I slipped up and slept with a few more women.
This led me to feel guilt as I have never felt before. I tried to stop looking for a girlfriend or wife, but when I came to Korea two years ago, I was more lonely, because I did not know anyone. This led me to sleep with two more women. I was reading my Bible, praying, and going to church. In November of 2005, I said to God that I did not want or need anything that he did not will for me.
In January 2006, I read something about how to pray and it suggested, as iansmith did, to make a list. I felt that I had this 'new power' or ability to get 'what I wanted', so I made one.
Since I am in Korea, I asked for 1) a Korean wife 2) speaks English 3) 'beautiful' 4) not from a particular area that I was living 5) willing to move to Canada 6) and a virgin
That was my list. For one month I prayed for a wife and guidance. I was praying for 1 - 3 hours a day. Almost exactly one month to the day, I met a girl one Sunday morning and we began to talk and I invited her to church. We hit it off and she was everything I asked for.
I then spend 1-3 hours a day thanking God for what I received, however, there was a problem. The more I sought after God, the less she was interested. The one major thing that I overlooked, was that I did not ask God for his will. My list had good intentions, but it was not complete. I did not seek a Christian.
I understand that some people can be saved through their spouse, but this was not the case. She and I got along wonderfully, as long as I did not talk about God. That was a major problem. For five months I insisted that I could change her, because I believed that she was the answer to my prayers. I was wrong. God gave me exactly what I asked for, but what I asked for was not exactly what God wanted to give me.
Many selfish tears later, I let her go and said to God that his will be done. I was too tired to ask anymore. I needed Him to show me what was good for me. However, I was honest with Him. I said that IF I have any say in my life, could I make some simple requests.
My new list was that 1) she's Christian 2)Korean 3)speaks English 4) beautiful 5) willing to go where I go 6)a virgin
The beginning of June 2006 I broke up with that girl and started a new prayer. Having moved to a new town, because I started a new job, I attended a new church. The week after I broke up with the girl, I went to this new church and sat there and cried and cried and cried out to the Lord. I was so tired of my search for a women.
The church welcomed me, but no one could speak to me because I could not speak Korean, nor could they speak English. I did not care. I just wanted to be with the Lord. I was giving in to His will, not mine.
The next week, I went to that church again and again I cried and cried and cried to the Lord. I felt a lot better and even though I could not understand the words of the pastor, I was comforted by the message. After service, three girls were standing behind me and one said hello.
They were sisters and appearantly her family and others told her to talk to me because they knew she could speak English. I gave her the cold shoulder, because I was not interested in talking, especially to a girl my age. They invited me downstairs for noodles (which is custom in most churches around here, or at least a snack). I agreed, but was really not forthcoming with anything.
She was cold with me, too. I talked about my old relationship and she talked about getting away from Korea. Neither one of us looked at each other as potential or an answer to prayers. But after another week or two of church, we looked forward to our meetings and then exchanged phone numbers and then went on a date. Everything was a snowball effect from there.
By October 29, during a sermon that she and I gave to the youth of 'our' church, I proposed. She said yes and we are to wed May 5th, here in Korea and then again July 7th in Canada.
God is good. Patience is key. We must be willing to be submissive to God's will. God is funny too, because my story or testimony consists, in part, of a horrible childhood in a town called Mira. My fiancee's name is Mira.
blinx, make your requests to God, on a list or just in your heart, but submit to His will. Then and only then will you receive true blessings, rather than curses.
On a side note, I am 29 and my birthday is on the 21st, so it has taken me almost 30 years and many heartaches and mistakes to get it right. Do not worry. Your time and God's time have very different meanings. When you do meet that special woman, pray and thank God that He loves you enough to have tested and tried you to that very point.
My fiancee and I, from the VERY FIRST date, prayed together. Nothing major, nothing mountain moving, but just a simple prayer. That set God first in our life. We have since, never missed a time of prayer with one another. I pray to God that we never miss a day to pray together, whether face-to-face, on the phone, or on the Internet. We must always put our Lord first, above and beyond ALL people and things in our life.
Marriage is not for everyone, but I thank God that He has blessed me with this great responsibility. We will not agree on everything, but we agree that Jesus is our Lord of Lords and King of Kings.
I am trying to convince her that we are going to have 12 children...errr, this is a challenge
:roll: ... whatever's clever ... God's will not mine...
God Bless those that are eager to be patient,
BrianMira
S
SDE
I'm not crazy about the list-making. I think it's bad advice. To put it bluntly, it is selfish. The only thing on our lists should be that our future spouse be in the Lord. Let the Lord determine everything else.
To enter into marriage already with so many expectations about how our spouse is to meet our needs is to invite marital disaster and runs contrary to God's plan for marriage.
S
sermonindex
SDE wrote:
I'm not crazy about the list-making. I think it's bad advice. To put it bluntly, it is selfish. The only thing on our lists should be that our future spouse be in the Lord. Let the Lord determine everything else.To enter into marriage already with so many expectations about how our spouse is to meet our needs is to invite marital disaster and runs contrary to God's plan for marriage.
Dear SDE,
I would like to know more about you and your story before I consider your way to be as holy as you are presenting yourself. Have you read the entire thread? Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend/children? If so, how did you get what you have?
As for me, I did not have great expectations for my future wife. I stated that since I was in Korea, that having a Korean wife would be good. Having one which spoke English would be even better and that she is beautiful...to me. I also requested that she be willing to leave her country so that we can serve the Lord together. As for being a virgin, that has been in my heart for some time. I believe in order for MY wife and I to have a true relationship, she would have to be pure, since I am not.
Call it selfish if you want, but I prayed to the Lord that "IF" I had any say in my life, those items would be on my list. He answered my prayer with all of the requests, but the most important thing is that she is a Christian. She has many more qualities that I never thought of asking for. I could not make a list now to state what she means to me. She was made for me and I was made for her.
To say something is bad advice is being selfish. You can write your way or your prefered method of courtship and marriage as you want. This worked for me and I know it is good. Advice is free for the taking. Take it or leave it. If I said something horrible and against God, then you can rebuke me, but on the basis of your opinion, leave that beside your keyboard.
God Bless those that are patient in the Lord,
BrianMira
D
deltadom
I am single too
B
blinx
Thx alot Brian. Great testimony and advice. When I first started this thread I didn't think I'd learn much... I just wanted to talk about it. But now I see I was wrong ;)
God bless you all!
João Tiago
H
hmmhmm
stick around , ask questions, listen to sermons....i guarantee you will LEARN alot :-p
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sermonindex
Listen to these messages by [b]Paul Washer
[b](Biblical Manhood) -evening banquet
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=13055
[b](Biblical Manhood) -morning brunch
https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=13054
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wallrepairer
Singleness or marriage?
…I guess what matters at the end of the day is what God requires of our lives. Our lives belong to God and he is more than capable of either matching us up or enabling us to live as happy fulfilled singles too should that be the case.
I am one of those happy single females aged 37. As a single, God has allowed me to have a very satisfying and very full ministry for the past 16 years that I have known him.
But I have met many, many singles who put their lives and ministries on hold to ‘wait’ for their partner. They believe their call from God will come through their husband’s/wife's ministry and so they sit and wait…
Some began to panic when they were getting to their thirties and found themselves still single. Some of these singles started out with long lists of eligibility factors and slowly crossed out their list until they got to the point of just a ‘nice Christian partner,’ and as a result some married in compromise.
Other singles say they will be ‘complete’ when they have a partner. But we are complete in Christ…We need to press on with God as our first and primary aim and leave the marriage question up to him. My brother went as a young missionary to China at the age of 21 and met a Canadian missionary whom he married. God is more than able to match people when we are about ‘His business’…whatever and wherever that might be.
Enjoy each phase of your life. Do not despise the days of singleness or squander a moment of them by dwelling on the need for a partner. You will probably know from God if you are called to be a permanent single or called to singleness for a period of time. If it is only singleness for a period of time…rather than dwell on it…begin to thank God that he has already planned the perfect partner for you. Tell God to give you a big nudge when you are about to be introduced so that you don't have to waste a minute to bother looking for him/her yourself. I am such a well adjusted single now that it would take an extra massive shove from God to alter my circumstances. :-)
Be encouraged that God is a good Father and knows the desires of your heart already…
S
sermonindex
wallrepairer wrote:
Singleness or marriage?…I guess what matters at the end of the day is what God requires of our lives. Our lives belong to God and he is more than capable of either matching us up or enabling us to live as happy fulfilled singles too should that be the case.
I am one of those happy single females aged 37. As a single, God has allowed me to have a very satisfying and very full ministry for the past 16 years that I have known him.
[b]Hi sis, yes there are a few of us about[/b] But I have met many, many singles who put their lives and ministries on hold to ‘wait’ for their partner. They believe their call from God will come through their husband’s/wife's ministry and so they sit and wait…Some began to panic when they were getting to their thirties and found themselves still single. Some of these singles started out with long lists of eligibility factors and slowly crossed out their list until they got to the point of just a ‘nice Christian partner,’ and as a result some married in compromise.
Other singles say they will be ‘complete’ when they have a partner. But we are complete in Christ…We need to press on with God as our first and primary aim and leave the marriage question up to him. My brother went as a young missionary to China at the age of 21 and met a Canadian missionary whom he married. God is more than able to match people when we are about ‘His business’…whatever and wherever that might be.
Enjoy each phase of your life. Do not despise the days of singleness or squander a moment of them by dwelling on the need for a partner. You will probably know from God if you are called to be a permanent single or called to singleness for a period of time.
[b]Yes, indeed. The Lord confirmed it to me through a reading from Daily Light (some will have heard of it, daily "snippets" of scripture, dovetailed together in morning and evening readings for the year.
It was at a time when I nearly fell in love with a lovely Christian man who was already a good friend. For two weeks it nearly drove me crazy! But we were such good friends that i was able to share with him how I was beginning to feel. He said, "Sorry, I don't feel the same, but if I do I'll let you know!"
That night I read in Daily Light and one word jumped out especially, the Lord's command to the Levites, "You shall have no portion or inheritance among the children of Israel, [i]I AM thy portion and thy inheritance
It was such a relief to be sure of the answer, ("no") before I had fully fallen in love, which would have been so much more painful, and at the same time the question was answered once and for all. As soon as I knew, the feelings evaporated; although now and again there was the thought "It would have been nice if..."
We were still friends, and used to talk on the phone now and again after he moved to another area. Two years later, he told me (rather cautiously!) that he had got engaged to someone else. My reaction was instant, "Praise the Lord!" I yelled. And then (to myself) "Oh good, I've [i]really
If it is only singleness for a period of time…rather than dwell on it…begin to thank God that he has already planned the perfect partner for you. Tell God to give you a big nudge when you are about to be introduced so that you don't have to waste a minute to bother looking for him/her yourself. I am such a well adjusted single now that it would take an extra massive shove from God to alter my circumstances. :-)
[b] Me too:-D
Be encouraged that God is a good Father and knows the desires of your heart already…
[b] Yes, although I think it must be much harder to have to wait patiently than to know the answer is no, and be able to get on with your life without wondering all the time...
Hope I haven't come over as smug here, not meant that way. There are blessings in marriage and children that we have missed.
Its true that we are "complete in Him", but on the human level we were created to share our lives with a husband or wife. Corrie ten Boom used the word "sublimation" to describe the adjustment that has to be made if the Lord has called us to be single. Those natural instincts, (not evil in themselves; after all, God "invented" sex - many creatures reproduce by other means) are very strong and need His control. Coming into a positive experience of fulfillment in Him can take time and sometimes involve much heartache before victory is gained.
Jeannette
Y
Yeshuasboy
There are many "types" of singles out there. Two in particular that come to my mind are those that are content being single and can keep their bodies under control by the power of the Holy Spirit, and those that burn with lust focusing more on future spouse than letting Christ live through them and becoming seperate from the world.
I've seen people go to Bible Colleges with the notion that they're going to find their future marriage partner there and that will fill that big void in their lives.
We all make choices that whether we like it or not, we will have to live with them for the rest of our lives. Marriage is a "big" commitment in the eyes of God as stated in the Scriptures.
If one cannot commit themselves to the Lord, would it be wise for me to think that such a one would have no problem committing in marriage for the rest of their life?
I see alot of opinions in this thread. I also think that it would be good to see opinions of marriage backed with Scripture references to support their opinions as being "Godly". To me, good advice is only Godly advice... nothing less. The Lord knows what is best for each one individual. Much of this is recorded in 1Cor 7.
Here's an interesting verse: "Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called."-1Cor 7:20
and these two verses:
1Cor 7:32 "But I would not have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:"
1Cor 7:33 "But he that is married careth for the things of the world, how he pleases his wife."
Also, how many husbands are out there that rarely give much thought about pleasing his wife? I know of quite a few. Their relationships are far more "husband-centered" than "Christ-centered".
Rom 12:1 "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [b]which is your reasonable service
Mt 22:30 "For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven."
Christ bless you as you wait upon Him,
richie
G
ginnyrose
Wallrepairer wrote:
Some began to panic when they were getting to their thirties and found themselves still single
This quote reminds me of one my preacher-grandfather liked to quote. He got it from the late Andrew Jantzi, a Mennonite evangelist: "Some females are so desperate to get married they will settle for anything in pants. After they are married a while they wish all they had were the pants!"
'nuff said.
Excellent thread...
ginnyrose
S
sermonindex
Ginnyrose: This quote reminds me of one my preacher-grandfather liked to quote. He got it from the late Andrew Jantzi, a Mennonite evangelist: "Some females are so desperate to get married they will settle for anything in pants. After they are married a while they wish all they had were the pants!"
:-P :-P Funny...but tragic when it actually happens...
Wallrepairer, thank you for your words of wisdom. I've seen far too many young people that have been consumed with marriage instead of being consumed with God. It's really sad to me when I see young ladies measure their success according to whether they're married or not at a young age (late teens, early twenties). I've been thinking lately about Psalms 1:1 about walking in the counsel of the ungodly (worldly philosophy versus God's Word), and how there is this mindset about fulfillment being found in relationships (with humans!). That is so false...
Thank you sister for your example and testimony; it encouraged me.
Keith Daniel once gave advice on this topic to young people, he said, 'Don't you be busy seeking a mate, you be busy seeking God, and when the time comes for you to be married God will make sure you don't miss it!'
:-)
C
cmis
Ecclesiastes 3
1TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven:
2A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted,
3A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up,
4A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away,
7A time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak,
8A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
9What profit remains for the worker from his toil?
10I have seen the painful labor and exertion and miserable business which God has given to the sons of men with which to exercise and busy themselves.
11He has made everything beautiful in its time. He also has planted eternity in men's hearts and minds [a divinely implanted sense of a purpose working through the ages which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy], yet so that men cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
12I know that there is nothing better for them than to be glad and to get and do good as long as they live;
13And also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor--it is the gift of God.
14I know that whatever God does, it endures forever; nothing can be added to it nor anything taken from it. And God does it so that men will [reverently] fear Him [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is].
15That which is now already has been, and that which is to be already has been; and God seeks that which has passed by
To those who are Single
…I didn’t pray through a verse, but only for his will. I’m sorry. I never had anyone tell me to make a list. May be because, I’ve always been sort of reserved, if you will.
Never had a problem confessing, however through out the years learned how to Guard my heart.
It is a wonderful thing (it is) to wait on the Lord. There might be times when you can get confused. However you will know if there is peace, there must be peace and his presence.
When you are in the same room and there are people all around, do you feel the presences of God, yet he/she is standing close but not that close to you. Can you feel God’s Presence all around you? Not that you want it to be the like but that God’s presence, IS.
I am only asking you this, to know if you have experience the same ?
You know what’s Wonderful when you feel the presences of God so strong yet you don’t know the person (s) or his/her name.
Have you ever experienced Heaven Smiling AT YOU when you know that you are in the midst of his will? The kind of smile that bears witness with your Spirit, and a smile that you can Trust.
I experienced it twice at different times, and locations – something I have not been able to ignore as if it never happened.
I am only asking you this, to know if you have experience the same ?
I hope this blesses you:
-----------------------------
Life has not been easy, it all started when I lost my loving husband in a war. My mother in-law wanted me to go back to my home land, but I couldn’t leave her I loved her too much. She wanted to go back to her home land and I went with her. I left everything that I knew and loved to be by her side – with a mint green skirt and a cream blouse, bandaged hands, and a scarf over her head, Who am I?
C
cmis
I am only asking you this, to know if you have experience the same ?
C
cmis
I so encourage you to wait on God!
Someone one’s taught me, that if you let go of what you have in your hand, God will let go of what he has in his!!
This women, was willing to leave behind everything that she knew and loved to be by her mother-in-law’s side to follow her, to seek and worship her God. She went as far as saying where you go I will go, and where you die I will die, your people shall be my people, and your God my God.
When will they be added unto me? When you are not expecting it, when you are so focused on serving HIM, when you are not so busy worrying or concerning yourself with what God may be doing in someone else’s life, but you are concerned with your relationship with him and your growth.
C
cmis
VERY GOOD
Delight yourself In the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart-
Your desire becomes his desire.
This past weekend during my devotional time, I cried out to God, questioning if indeed:
This is what he wanted me to share with those who would read it. He kept confirming that YES, he does and how this would help someone.
He began to show me those who were crying, and questioning why, I’ve waited this long, you told me, you promised me, you gave me a word. I saw myself picking you up from the floor and holding you in my arms crying with you feeling the pain that you were feeling, you see IUnderstand and this is what the Lord Jesus would have me to tell you.
When you let go of what you have, in your hand, I will let go of what I have in mine.
G
ginnyrose
Roniya,
I just got done listening to Keith Daniel's talk: "My Godly Father-in-law". All I can say is it is awesome! I would encourage all to listen to it if possible. There is one man who shines as a beacon in a dark world!
Thanks, Joy, for giving us this...
ginnyrose
S
sermonindex
Here are the links for that message:[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=8240]My Godly Father-in-Law, pt. 1[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=8241]My Godly Father-in-Law, pt. 2
That is a really good message...one of my favorites. It certainly does apply to what we're talking about here. The message I referenced earlier in another post is called 'The Sins of the Christian Home' and he addresses young people on this topic we have been discussing. I don't think it's on SI, but I have it on cassette tape if anyone's interested...
:-)
V
vico
I heard him speak when he first gave that testimony. such a blessing!
I praise God for men like that. Men with a holy passion for God.
Amen
P
PaulWest
I was able to pick up the "My Godly Father-in-law" message on DVD when I heard Keith preach in Mabank, Texas. It is truly an awe-inspring message. I've watched it a few times, with my wife, and we were always so blessed. It's hard to believe God still has men living like this in the world today.
Brother Paul
M
Melo
I was reading a book called "Marrying singleness and contentment" by Bill Thrasher and it was interesting He gave three different Psalms. Psalm 1, 15, and 112. He said these are the things that we should look for in a spouse but another thing He said was that we should concentrate on developing these qualities in our lives as well. This is something that has challenged me and helped me to keep my mind off of the future and leaving it all to God.
God Bless you as you seek Him
~Melo~
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