fear of man

Today was my friends rehersal I called another friend to find out how to get there. I wasn't feeling well. Really I felt sick, I would of rather stayed home. But this was my friend and I wanted to be there to see him. When I got there I got lost for 30 min walking around trying to find it. When I got there I opened the door, when I looked in I saw the pastor from my old Church
that I hadn't talk with yet. Long story short, we disagree with our visions. Some hurtful things were said. I need to forgive and let go. I left the prayer team, and after praying I chose not go to the Church anymore. The pastor wanted to meet and talk over the things he told me. But I never talked with the pastor.I didn't want to meet with him. But really it was because I was so afraid of talking with this man. I didn't want to say anything wrong. I wanted to leave honoring and respecting him, and not saying anything wrong. Fear overcame me each time I tried to email him. I didn't want to meet with him alone. I didn't want my words to be taken wrong. Weeks have passed. So when I got there fear gripped me. I was so scared to go in. Because I didn't deal with the problem, but let it go because of fear. Thoughts started popping in my mind what if he came up to me.I felt insecure and didn't want to be by myself. The fear controlled my heart. I felt I could talk with him, if I had a friend next to me. So I called a friend that was inside and I asked him if he would walk in with me. So if the pastor came up to me, at least I would have someone with me. I didn't want to go in, because of fear. When I called Him, he acted as if it was an incovenience and wanted to get back to his other friends, I became upset,at that piont my body started shaking, my blood sugar was feeling low. I my friend was being rude. I thought a friend was some one you could call on if you need help .But they acted like it was hassle.
I got there and sat down, and the Holy Spirit came down and layed heavy on my heart. I needed to talk with the pastor. He showed me how fear was ruling my emotions and actions. I wasn't to fear men ,but God. I looked around and saw all the people I had worked with at the pastor's church I love them and because of the fear of this man, and because I was upset at my friend I started crying. When it was over, lady's from the church came and huged me, it had been weeks since I had seen them so started crying more. Lord knows how I loved them and missed them. I had asked God to give me strength to talk with this man but my lack of faith parylized me.When I finally came back he had already left.
I going to email him this week.

Fear of man isn't good, I should have delt with this weeks ago.

God gave me a verse this morning .You will go through the water, rivers, fire, but I am with you.
But more so God showed me I must obey have faith and make these things right. I need a humble heart, open mind to hear the Holy Spirit
I need to pray and ask God if there is any false
way in me.
In his love
Charlene :-D

thank you
I will listen to it.
In his love
charlene

I emailed the pastor to meet with this week.

As you trust Him to keep you from making any serious mistakes in what you minister to others

Sometimes I feel like I make serious mistakes, when I say things without thinking and praying about it. I need to trust my Father to help me to not saying anything wrong. I need his grace.

It seems (to me, though) that in this case, the Lord knew it was enough for you to go into the building. That was a brave step. I'm sure as you pray through what you have to do, and allow God to encourage you, you will - however fumblingly - do what pleases Him, step by step.

you are right it was a hard step to go into the building. I didn't feel that I was brave. I just wanted a friend to stand by me. Really I just wanted to run away and cry. Sometime obeying is hard. Thank God we only have to take one step at a time.

and sometimes others don't understand our revelation and we don't understand theirs.

think this so true. I think my friend and I didn't understand each other. That is why we both got upset at each other.

in his love
charlene

The pastor emailed me back, can't meet until nexts week
in his love
charlene

quote:

Long story short, we disagree with our visions. Some hurtful things were said. I need to
forgive and let go.

Hello awakenwithin,

Sometimes, even when we're certain of the truths we hold and speak these words in truth and love, we may have contentions with another. I've had bouts with fear myself and quite a lot of disquietness of spirit in the past in dealing with people and issues of faith, for me and for them. What I'd like to say is, that the will and want to forgive is important, and certainly with a brother/pastor. But as a brother in the faith, as with those not of faith, it is a much better way to forgiveness to have understanding along with forgiveness. Anyone can say,(they feel like) 'I forgive you', but each party understanding the viewpoints, and whatever error was the issue, makes the forgiveness complete, more so than just a wish to forgive.

If the issue concerned doctrine of some sort, perhaps the brothers and sisters on SI could be a help on clarifying what the issue may concern. If your concerns would be of a more personal nature, you should seek the support and counsel of someone near both to you and the pastor, along with seeking to learn the truth concerning your issue(s) with him from the wisdom and truth from God's word. And also, of course, you should pray to him who knows everything, and he should reveal to your heart what your issue of contention and fear concerns. Some answers do take time, but he does and will give you understanding as you trust in him. Always, his will for us is that we should grow, and we shouldn't let worry, fear, or doubt of him or man hinder us.

It's really good you've taken the steps to resolve your issue. I pray he brings you to
understanding of your matters and heal the rift between yourself and your friend.

Blessings,

ornega3

I was part of a prayer team. I was ask to lead it. After 4 months, I ask the Lord for a male leader to help lead it, and God answered me and brought someone. The next 6 months the team met once a week, to pray for the college group, the Church, and other things. Each week I would send out an email, with prayer points and who need pray. Then God started moving on my heart for a deeper passion for prayer and Holiness. After months and months of praying that people would come, still it was small. Not to say God doesn’t use small things. But the heart of most of the people wasn't for prayer. Then it all started when we started the 24/7 prayer, I was the leader for College Group for Fridays. So I again I sent out email encouraging people to come and pray. I also sent a few things about Holiness.
This upset some people. I was asked not to send emails.
At a meeting we were asked what do we do if our Churches looked dead on Sunday. I said we need to pray! and Pray a lot. I said and believe pray is the most important thing we can do. "Satan does not care how many people read about prayer if only he can keep them from praying. When a church is truly convinced that prayer is where the action is, that church will so construct its corporate activities that the prayer program will have the highest priority." - Paul E. Billheimer
I was told that I couldn't say prayer is the most important thing. although it is important
but equal with everything else.
My passion for prayer, burns in my bones.
My passion and vision for Holiness and prayer doesn’t fit with those who want to please men.
I was faced with, will I stand with men, or will I stand with God? I chose God. I have to obey God. I can not belittle prayer in anyway. Nor can I look pass our sins, and make them less then they are. I don't want to be comfort I want to live a Holy life.
Because I am a woman I wasn't sure if I should say anything, there are many things that were said but I know they were false.
I feared this man, because I knew my words would might be taken wrong. What do I say to a pastor when they say things that are false? Should I just say I am going here. Or say something more? I fear him asking why are did you leaving? This were I am to stand for Truth.
in his love
charlene

I am meeting with the pastor on Monday
Please, pray I will say only what God's wants
me to say nothing less nothing more.

Pray I will have no fear. Pray I will
have peace

Thanks
In His Love
charlene

thank you
That brings peace to my heart
God is with Me
what a wonderful thougght
God is with Me
In His love
charlene

I am meeting at 10am at the Church

Thank you so much for praying

Please pray that no hurtful words are said
Please pray I am humble and he is humble too.
Please pray I will not speak if God tells
not to
then at 1pm a college student is also going to talk with him
Thanks again
I will let you know what happens after
have a blessed day
in his love
charlene

dear joy
thank you for the poem
I am praying to be courageous
and wise
In his love
charlene

I met the pastor today, I am very thankfuk for all your prayers. It well. I left with peace. We talked for about an hour. It was good to get it done. No more Fear!!

In His love
charlene

:Your meeting was probably more about dealing with the fear than reconciling with this man. But the Lord made it possible for both to happen!

No I didn't even talk about being fearful.
I had no fear. That's the carzy thing. I just knew it wasn't God will for me to be there.
He said things I knew weren't true. I can't change his mind ,and I wasn't going there to try.
I just going there to make peace. We trid to reconcile, I know there were lots of things I could of said. But God said don't say it. He ask me lots of questions. He fears I am running from the Church. He fears I can't work under leadership. But at the end we reconcile as brother and sister in Christ. I know God is calling to another Church. I strong believer in staying in the Church God called you too, even if there are some things that are wrong. But I can't stay if I am ask to obey man and not God.

"I'm sure the pastor doesn't really think that, but still feel compelled to try and justify myself over it, or go into long explanations, as if I was guilty of something! "

you are right we work things up and make seem alot bigger then often are. God knows your heart. as He knew mine. That how I did it. I knew what was true and not.

I will be praying for you. Call him now, it isn't worth waiting. it is better to have it done

people have gotten mad at me, for going to other small things. But I feel be real with people is so better then saying nothing.

In His love
charlene

Hi Charlene,

One morning as i was praying and seeking God for direction he spoke to me very clearly through his word in the book of Joshua chapter 7 v 20

20 Achan replied, "It is true! I have sinned against the LORD, the God of Israel. This is what I have done:

I remember asking for a meeting and walking into the office and right before i started to speak I read the verse the Lord had given me and how i knew this is what he wanted me to do.

With my whole body trembeling i was ready to speak, I had many questions and i needed answers, i needed to be healed and restored.

God with all of his mercy and grace gave me a Job he put me to work, and so work i did and gave him the best that i possibly could until my season was over and it was now someone else's turn.

As i look back now, who did i think i was to question God? John Piper uses the word Arrogance, WHAT ARROGANCE! I like the word audacity.

We are not to lean on our own understanding, and many times we don't understand however we are required to trust Him.