A former believer's wedding

Several years ago I met a young woman at a ladies Bible study I was leading. She had recently accepted Christ. I invested a lot of time into teaching her the things of God and we became friends. She had a very rough past and a difficult family life and eventually she fell away from Christ and headlong back into the world. After a time, she got tired of the partying life and settled down a bit, but has not (yet) returned to Christ. Now she has decided to get married to the man she is living with. When she told me this I had a very in depth discussion with her about the commitment of marriage and what an important decision this was and that I thought she would do much better to find her way back to Christ first and then see what He would have her do. But her mind was made up and she got mad at me for not being happy for her, but I felt like I had to tell her the truth and I did.

A couple of weeks later she called and asked me to be her maid of honor. It is going to be a very small wedding and I will be the only one standing with her.

There are several other believers who developed a friendship with her through the Bible study, but as I have talked to them about the wedding, they are not going because they don’t approve of what she’s doing. As for me, I feel like she is making a mistake in her choice, but then again, what do I know??? This could be the very thing that brings her back to Christ. And I am standing in her wedding because I want her to know that I love her even when I don’t agree with her.

I guess I have been surprised by the response I’ve gotten from other believers and would like to hear if anyone else has faced a similar situation.

I CANNOT SAY THAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH THAT SITUATION, BUT I CAN SAY THAT I WOULD ENCOURAGE YOU TO LOVE HER AND BE THERE FOR HER THROUGH THE TOUGH TIME SHE IS GOING THROUGH.. YOU WILL ALWAYS REMIND HER OF GOD'S UNFAILING LOVE FOR HER AS YOU HOLD TO YOUR CONVICTIONS, BUT STILL LOVE THROUGH THE TURNING BACK SHE HAS DONE..

HAS GOD NOT LOVED US THROUGH SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT???

You should go!! show her love and friendship..

If the marriage is a mistake, she's going to make it anyhow,what better that you her friend stood with her through thick and thin? you think Christ wont be there? i think He is!!

andy

BrokenOne,

Attending a wedding indicates you approve of the match. Since this is not the case, seems to me you would do well to not attend, much less be a bridesmaid. This is what you feel in your spirit you should do, is it not?

Blessings,
ginnyrose

And I am standing in her wedding because I want her to know that I love her even when I don’t agree with her.

That she would still have you do this after all that you spoke to her ... Telling, I believe. Recently went through something a bit different yet similar, only this was for a funeral, in a Catholic church, for my mother.

Do as the Lord would lead, you are making the statement well here.

This is what you feel in your spirit you should do, is it not?

Ginnyrose,

I read your reply last night but waited until this morning to respond. I didn’t want the purpose of my reply to be to justify my action. I felt it was necessary to let your question cause a searching of my heart rather than to immediately respond with the answer that first came to my heart. So after careful consideration, I can truthfully say that I have felt no reservation about participating in the wedding.

I believe very strongly in standing for Christ, in separation from the world unto Him, in striving for holiness in my life. But I don’t ever want to be so far removed from people that I am not able to demonstrate the love of Christ to them. And that is what I want to do for my friend.

I guess the reason this is such a big deal to me is because that’s how I got saved. Someone that I had treated very badly in the past, showed me undeserved kindness. When I asked why, he said, “Danielle, it’s the love of God”. For 3 days I wept over the love of God.

And I believe with all my heart that God is not finished with her yet and there remains a glorious work to be done in her. I want to be around to see it.

Blessings to you, Ginnyrose. Thank you for your post.

Thank you as well to everyone else who posted a response. I have so appreciated each one.

And crsschk…..I am sorry about your mother.

Danielle

I think and believe You should Go.

1 John Chapter 3

See how very much our heavenly Father loves us, for he allows us to be called his children, and we really are! But the people who belong to this world don't know God, so they don't understand that we are his children. Yes, dear friends, we are already God's children, and we can't even imagine what we will be like when Christ returns. But we do know that when he comes we will be like him as he really is. And all who believe this will keep themselves pure, just as Christ is pure.

I would walk in with my bible so that when i hug them i have the word of God in my hands, Ha someone once told me to do that :-P

Attending a wedding indicates you approve of the match.

I do not believe that is necessarily true. To begin, I have observed many people wrestle with questions about this very type of situation and come to different conclusions.

The "wrestling" is what everyone has to come through when convictions and people are part of a question. Will this compromise our witness for Christ? Will it damage the truth? Is it loving? Etc.

The answer for each situation will differ because God is working out his will and is using us to reach people, to be a part of their lives exclusively for Jesus! So, there is the vital need to be led by the Spirit, to be intimately wrapped up in God to get his answers for questions like these.

Ginnyrose, I also believe that you were right to warn - it is so easy to compromise.

Yes and Amen.

From what I have read of your posts you are not presumptuous in calling yourself "Broken One".

Oh if only this was true!! My screen name is more a prayer than a declaration, because I do truly desire to be broken, yielded, surrendered…..all the things that Jesus finds beautiful. I am so very far away from this. Sometimes it seems endlessly far away.

But I trust that His work in me will continue.

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit – Ps 34:18

And crsschk…..I am sorry about your mother.

Thank you, but it is very much alright, I am actually quite jealous!

My screen name is more a prayer than a declaration

:-) Wonderful!

Obviously, I have stepped on some toes here with this statement:

Attending a wedding indicates you approve of the match.

I am surprised at the negative reactions this statement has caused. Now I wonder, just how old are you all who have disagreed with it? This is one the old people have said, others have said it and now this 60 YO is repeating it for the benefit of the younger generation.

I have a few questions for you all: why do you disagree? Do you believe marriage to be for life? Do you believe it is ok for a Christian to marry a non-believer?

I await your answers....

ginnyrose

How about turning water into wine at a wedding, does that indicate you approve not only of the marriage, but of the guests drinking alcohol to celebrate it ;0)

In Christ - Jim

HMM, hmm

And when Mary and Martha both approached Jesus to tell them that there brother Lazarus had died, it wasn’t until Mary approached him with the same question that Jesus Groaned, and asked where did you lay him?

dear ginnyrose,

hi, i'm phil and i'm 26 years old (you wanted to know our age). i do believe marriage to be for life and i do not agree with a believer marrying a non-believer..

that being said, my question is "will not going persuade the friend to not get married"? if so, then do not be a part.. but most of the time, experience has shown us that people are going to do what they want to when they have their mind made up, so why not be possibly the only Jesus that this friend sees and love her and try to persuade her not to get married, but let the friend make her choice.. can we choose for the friend?? then let's do our best to show her what a mistake she may be making, but not boycott the whole wedding..

just my opinion, which means nothing. but for the original person questioning "what does your spirit tell you? what do you feel the Lord is leading you to do?? then do it in faith, knowing that whatever He may ask you to do is what He desires..

That the lady has asked our sister to participate in the wedding even knowing that she does not approve of the match indicates, I think, that she is still open to her. To snub the wedding would just seem like the kind of legalism that would offend the bride and close that open door.

To snub the wedding would just seem like the kind of legalism that would offend the bride and close that open door.

If this is the case as it has been for quite some time, then the Lady should not attend the sister's wedding.

I wouldn't

dear brokenone,

i agree with many on this thread that the very fact that after warning her that she still asked you to be in the wedding is very telling indeed..

but the ultimate decision lies with you.. what does the Lord desire for you??

I was recently blessed by reading the story of the woman brought before Jesus who had been caught in the act of adultery. I had never really paid attention to the detail that apparently this happened in front of a group of people Jesus was teaching. These are people who were under law and that day they not only heard His words of grace, they saw a demonstration of it.

I honestly believe that I have spoken to her (and continue to speak to her) all the things that the Lord has put on my heart. This thread has helped to clarify this situation for me and I will go to this wedding fully confident that it is pleasing to the Lord. And that is what matters.

Thanks to you all.

Danielle

dear brokenone,

i'm so glad to hear that the post on this thread have been beneficial to you and your walk.. the poeple here are amazing and i am glad that you have full confidence in Christ as to what the Lord's will is..

Now, for the rest of the story.....

This wedding that I posted about took place in early July and my friend continued to keep in close contact with me afterwards. Several weeks ago she and her new husband moved to Baton Rouge (they previously lived several hours away). They have gone to church with me for the past couple of weeks. Yesterday afternoon I met with them and she shared with me that she had recommitted her life to Jesus that day and desired to live for Him. We talked at length about this, counting the cost, Christ as Lord and not just Saviour, being fully committed to Him and what that might mean in terms of several issues she deals with. I have already begun to see some fruit from her renewed relationship with Christ. While talking to her last night about some things that I know have been a struggle for her over the years, we discussed the importance of prayer and I told her that I would be praying for her regarding those things. She said, “I know you will and I appreciate that. But the main thing I would like you to pray for right now is my husband’s soul.”

I am rejoicing in these things and in our Good Shepherd who seeks and saves those lost ones.

Danielle

Thank you for 'the rest of the story'

Old post, but great original question. I think that the scripture below is a great thing to remember when these situations come up again.

[u][b]1 Corinthians 9:19-23 (New King James Version)[/b][/u]

[b]Serving All Men[/b]

[i]"For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win the more; and to the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might win Jews; to those who are under the law, as under the law, that I might win those who are under the law; to those who are without law, as without law (not being without law toward God, but under law toward Christ), that I might win those who are without law; to the weak I became as weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. Now this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I may be partaker of it with you."[/i]

Become all things to all men to win a few.

In Christ,

Miccah

Hello...

I was married in March. We invited about 150 of our closest friends and family members to attend, some of whom were NOT believers. Would anyone assume that such attendance amounted to an acceptance of our faith?

Additionally, wouldn't it always be important to base such a decision upon the precedent established in the Word of God? Are there any anecdotes that might apply to this situation?

While I might not be familiar with all of the facts in this story, for some reason I am reminded of the time in which Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of his wife (because he had married a Cushite). The Bible states that "the anger of the LORD was kindled against them" (Numbers 12:1-16). Miriam was subsequently stricken with leprosy.

I don't pretend to know the Lord's thoughts in this matter. However, we should be careful about the manner in which we present our thoughts. The Lord is indeed quite merciful and understanding. There are times in the Word where God seemingly contradicts himself. Punishment is permitted on one while it is withheld from another. Why? Sometimes, we can be guilty of "urging" the Lord to pour down fire from Heaven (like the "sons of thunder"). God deals with each of us individually. He doesn't contradict His Word, but He also doesn't give us what our sins deserve.

It makes me wonder what manner of "believers" were becoming united at the wedding in Cana in Galilee (John 2:1-11)?

:-)