Revival In the Home: Loving Your Children

I'm going to be posting different articles and things that have blessed me on raising children on this thread. Nothing could be more important than raising our children. Feel free to comment or post whatever the Lord leads you to.

Loving Your Child
by Charles F. Stanley

As parents, we want our children to love us, spend time with us, take vacations with us, talk to us, listen to us, and be involved in our lives for as long as we live. More importantly, we would like them to want to do those things. But if we don’t love them unconditionally now, they won’t be around in the future—they will have abandoned our families.

In his excellent book How to Really Love Your Child, Ross Campbell gives a definition of unconditional love that bears repeating:

What is unconditional love? Unconditional love is loving a child no matter what. No matter what the child looks like. No matter what his assets liabilities, handicaps. No matter what we expect him to be and most difficult, no matter how he acts. This does not mean, of course, that we always like his behavior. Unconditional love means we love the child even at times we may detest his behavior. (How to Really Love Your Child [New York: New American Library, 1982], p. 30)

“But,” you say, “am I not responsible to help them develop to the fullest of their potential? Are there not times when I need to push a little?”

Absolutely! In fact, motivating your children to excellence and improvement is in itself a part of expressing unconditional love and acceptance to them. To allow children simply to get by in life is a form of rejection.

If you are to motivate your children to excellence without expressing an attitude of conditional acceptance, two things must be true. First, all your prodding and motivating must be preceded by demonstrations of your unconditional love for your children. There must be memorials, so to speak, to their worthiness in your eyes. By memorials I mean events or conversations that have clearly expressed your love.

Memorials such as these are beneficial because they give your children something to recall for reassurance when you apply properly motivated pressure to perform. Sometimes you will expect too much from your children, and they will fail. These reminders of your unconditional acceptance make it easier for them to face you when the bottom drops out.

Memorials can also take the form of a gift or even the bestowal of certain privileges. In presenting the gift, stress several times that it is not connected with any particular occasion or activity on their part; you are just giving it just because you love them.

Second, to properly motivate your child, you must measure them by their own ability not somebody else’s. Comparing one child’s performance to that of another child eventually destroys the child’s self-esteem, along with self-esteem go expressions of individuality and creativity.

The real key here is to view each of your children as a unique individual. Each child is gifted in some particular area. Your goal as a parent is to recognize that area of strength and emphasize it as your child develops, for in these areas of strength lies your child’s greatest potential for excellence. By cultivating these areas, you will do great things for child’s self-esteem as well.

One good way to find out whether or not your children feel unconditional acceptance is simply to ask them: What do you think it would take for you to make Mom and Dad as proud of you as we could possibly be?

Evaluate the answer carefully. Is it task oriented? Is it performance oriented? Do they feel they must do all their chores every day? Do they feel they must make straight A’s? Do they feel they must make a team or squad or perform some other public-oriented task?

Or is the answer more character oriented? Do they feel they would make you proud by simply doing the best they can at every task they undertake? Do they feel they would make you proud by obeying God, regardless of the cost? Do they feel they would make you proud by standing alone in a situation where they were asked to compromise?

The answer, if they are honest, will clue you in on what kind of value system they have picked up at home. The answer will give you insight into what you have communicated, regardless of what you may have been saying. It is this value system that will serve as a basis upon which they accept themselves and others.

Simply telling your children that you accept them unconditionally is not enough. If what you tell them is contradicted by how you treat them, you will not convince them of your unconditional acceptance, and you will cause confusion that could lead to more serious problems.

The apostle John knew the importance of demonstrating unconditional love. In his first epistle he wrote, “My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth” (1 John 3:18). That is my point exactly. Unconditional love and acceptance are communicated more clearly by what we do and how we do it than simply by what we say.

When I need assurance that God really does love me and accept me unconditionally, I don’t look for verses that say those words per se. My comfort comes from Christ’s work on the cross. His death for me leaves no room for doubt, for he has loved us “in deed and in truth.” In the same way, our children must have a backlog of memories to sustain their belief that we truly love and accept them unconditionally.

Unconditional love tells our children that they are loved for who they are, despite what they do. What security and acceptance this provides for them! Do you want to encourage your kids to succeed? You don’t need to push expectations on them. If we direct their focus to the Lord, then they will want to be obedient and do their best for Him. They will think, “Dad and Mom will be pleased with me, but I want to do my best for God.” If you are telling your kids that you love them no matter what, then you are expressing exactly what God communicates to us.

When I was growing up, I didn’t do so well in high school. Everything turned out okay, but I didn’t have a good start. So, I never told my kids that I expected them to make “As” or “Bs” or “Cs” while they were in school. I didn’t tell them they had to make the baseball team or be the most popular. The question was, “Did you do your best?” For our daughter, an A was her best in geometry; for our son, his best was a C. I highly recommend that parents adopt these two standards for raising their children because character development in clearly emphasized over performance. I always said to my kids, “I just want you to obey God and do your best, and even when you fail, I will still love you just as much, just the way you are.”

Never take for granted the impact that you have on their lives; remember, the way you act toward your kids today greatly influences the way they will respond to you tomorrow.

Adapted from “How to Keep Your Kids on Your Team,” by Charles F. Stanley. 1986. pp. 51-62.

These are some quotes from a series of Letters by:

The Rev. and President Charles G. Finney;

The Rev. and Reformer John Wesley;

The Rev. and President Asa Mahan;

The Rev. and President Jonathan Edwards;

The Rev. George Whitefield

[url=http://truthinheart.com/trainchild.html#N_1_]The Right Way To Train Up A Child[/url]

Charles G. Finney:

"Avoid all conversation in their presence upon topics that may mislead them and generate in them a hypercritical and wicked spirit, such as all sectarian conversation, unguarded conversation upon the doctrine of decrees and election, speaking of neighbors' faults, or speaking derogatorily of any human being; in short whatever may be a stumbling block to their infant minds.

Avoid all disagreement between the parents in regard to the government of the children.

Avoid all partiality or favoritism in the government of them.

Avoid whatever may lessen the respect of the children for either parent.

Avoid whatever may lessen the authority of either parent. Avoid whatever may tend to create partiality for either parent.

Avoid begetting in them the love of money. Diligently remember that the love of money is the root of all evil.

Avoid the love of money yourself, for if you have a worldly spirit yourself, your whole life will most impressively inculcate the lesson that the world should be the great object of pursuit. A wealthy man once said to me, "I was brought up from my very infancy to love the world and make money my god." When we consider how impressively and constantly this lesson is taught by many parents, is it surprising that there is so much fraud, theft, robbery, piracy, and selfishness under every abominable form? Many parents seem to be engaged in little else, so far as their influence with their children is concerned, than making them as selfish and worldly as possible. Nearly their whole conversation at the table, and in all places where they are, the whole drift and bent of their lives, pursuits, and everything about them, are calculated to make the strongest impression upon their little minds, that their parents conceive the world to be the supreme good. Unless all this be avoided, it is impossible to train up a child in the way he should go.

Avoid begetting within them the spirit of ambition to be rich, great, learned, or anything else but good. If you foster a spirit of selfish ambition it will give birth, of course, to anger, pride, and a whole herd of devilish passions.

Avoid begetting or fostering the spirit of vanity in any way: in the purchase of clothing or any articles of apparel, in dressing them or by any expressions relating to their personal appearance. Be careful to say nothing about your own clothes, or the apparel of anybody else or of the personal attractions or beauty of yourself, your children, or of anybody else in such a way as to beget within them the spirit of ambition, pride and vanity.

Guard them against any injurious influence at home. Allow nobody to live in your family whose sentiments, habits, manners, or temper may corrupt your children. Guard the domestic influence as the apple of your eye. Have no person in your house that will tell them foolish stories, sing them foolish songs, talk to them about witches, or anything of any name or nature which ought not to come before their youthful minds.

Be careful under what influences you leave them when you go from home, and let not both parents take a journey at the same time, leaving their children at home, without apparent necessity.

Avoid every evil influence from outside the home. Let no children visit them whose conversation or manners may corrupt them. Let them associate with no children by going to visit where they will run the hazard of being in any way corrupted. Avoid the cultivation of artificial appetites. Accustom them to no non-nutritious stimulants or condiments of any kind, for in so doing you will create a craving for stimulants that may result in beastly intemperance.

Avoid creating any artificial needs. The great majority of human needs are merely artificial, and children are often so brought up as to feel as if they needed multitudes of things, which they do not need, and which are really injurious to them, and if they ever become poor, their artificial needs will render them extremely miserable, if indeed they do not tempt them. Consider how simple and few the real needs of human beings are, and whatever your worldly circumstances may be, for your children's sake, for truth's sake, for righteousness' sake, and for Christ's sake, habituate them to being satisfied with the supply of their real needs.

Avoid by all means their being the subjects of evil communications. "Evil communications corrupt good manners." This is the testimony of God. If your domestics, your hired hands, your neighbors' children or anybody else, are allowed to communicate to them things which they ought not to know, they will be irrecoverably injured and perhaps forever ruined.

Avoid their reading books that contain pernicious sentiments, anything indecent, vulgar, or of ill report.

Avoid their reading romances, plays, and whatever may beget within them a romantic and feverish state of mind.

Avoid allowing gluttony or any sort of intemperance, eating at improper times, improper foodstuffs, improper quantities of food, and everything that shall work a violation of the laws of life and health.

Avoid all unnecessary occasion of excitement. Children are naturally enough excited. Pains should be taken to quiet and keep them calm rather than to increase their excitement. This is imperiously demanded both by their health and minds. Clubs are often started among children, and great pains taken to stir up an interest and excitement, insomuch that it is often attended with a loss of appetite and sleep, and a serious injury to their health and morals. Parents should be on their guard, against allowing their children to be drawn into such excitement or having any unnecessary connection with or knowledge of them. *

This subject will be resumed.

Your brother in the bonds of the gospel,

Charles G. Finney

* Lest the reader get a wrong impression of Mr. Finney's advice we add the following lifetime observation of one of his first students and later 3rd President after him at Oberlin College:

"Perhaps the most characteristic feature of the inner man was the depth and intensity of his emotional nature. This gave energy and power to every movement and every expression; every thought radiated both heat and light, and the two were to him inseparable. To see and to feel a truth were to him one and the same thing; and his hearers were, to a great extent, impressed in the same way. His range of feeling was as broad and varied as his thought. He was not only stern and solemn as a prophet, from his sympathy with God and with all righteousness and holiness, but in turn as gentle and affectionate as a child, attracting children to himself as if he were one of them. In his own family and with his friends, his manner was characterized and tempered by a genial playfulness which set aside constraint, and made all feel at home in his presence."

President Finney—The Preacher, The Teacher, and The Man—Sermon by President Fairchild. In, Reminiscences of Rev. Charles G. Finney. Speeches and Sketches at the Gathering of his Friends and Pupils, in Oberlin, July 28th, 1876 (after his resent death)."

August 26, 1840

Dear Brethren and Sisters:

In pursuing this subject I will notice several other things to be avoided in the training of children.

Avoid everything that can be construed by them into insincerity on any subject, especially everything that may make the impression that your word is not to be depended upon.

Avoid every appearance of impatience or fretfulness in their presence.

Wholly abstain from scolding at them. If you have occasion to reprove them, let it be done with deliberation, and not in such haste and in such tones of voice as to have even the appearance of anger.

If you have occasion to punish them, first converse and pray with them, and avoid proceeding to severe measures until you have fully made the impres- sion upon their minds that it is your solemn and imperative duty to do so.

Avoid in your conversation whatever might have a tendency to beget in them the spirit of slander and evil speaking. Never let them hear you speak evil of any man. But always, in their presence, as on all other occasions, "be gentle, showing all meekness to all men."

Avoid as far as possible whatever may be a temptation to them to indulge evil tempers. "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger," is both the counsel and the command of God. If you find your children naturally irritable and easily made angry, be sure to keep this verse always in your mind, that you may readily and certainly practice it whenever there is occasion to do so. If, therefore, you find your children inclined to the exercise of any evil temper whatever, be sure, as far as possible, to avoid all occasions that may prove too great a trial for them, and cause them to fall into their besetting sin.

Avoid unnecessarily exciting their fears upon any subject. Allow no one to make them afraid of the dark, or of Indians, or of witches, or of wild animals. Children are often very seriously injured by creating a morbid excitability upon such subjects, insomuch that from that time on they are afraid to be alone in the dark. And their foolish fears are often excited even at an older age, in view of things with which they were foolishly persecuted in their youth.

Never give them anything because they cry for it. If they find that they can get anything by crying for it, or that they are any more apt to get it because they cry for it, you will find yourselves continually annoyed by their crying. Children should be taught that if they cry for a thing, for that very reason they cannot have it.

I will now proceed to mention several things to be attended to in the training of children. First, be honest, and thorough, and correct in forming your own views and opinions on all subjects. This is of great importance. For if your children find you often mistaken in your views upon some important subjects, your opinions will soon cease to have much weight with them. It is immensely important that you be well instructed, and know how to answer their questions, especially on all moral subjects. Your opinions ought to carry great weight with them. It is for their own good. Your opinions will naturally carry great weight with them unless they find you in error. Be careful, then, as you wish to preserve your own influence over them for their good, and as you would not want to mislead them to their ruin, to be thorough and diligent in the use of means to obtain correct information on all moral questions.

Let your own habits be both right and regular: your rising in the morning, your retiring at night, the hours at which you take your meals, together with all your domestic arrangements. Let order pervade everything, and be sure to have a time and a place for every work, and everything around you. Have a place for every tool, and let every member of your family be constrained to keep everything in its place. And if they have occasion to use any tool, they ought to be sure to return it to its place before they put it out of their hands. By insisting upon this, you will soon save yourself and them a great deal of unnecessary trouble.

Be sure that they are up early in the morning, and retire early at night. This is imperiously demanded by their health and almost universally by their morals. If children are allowed to be up late in the evening, they will not only lie in bed late in the morning, but almost always get into the habit of either making or receiving visits from neighboring children. This will bring in its train a host of evils.

See that your temper and spirit are right. "Let the peace of God that passeth all understanding dwell in your hearts, that you may possess your soul in patience." And never allow your angry feeling to come into collision with theirs.

Let the influence which you have over them be an ever present consideration with you. Do not forget it. Do not be unmindful of it, even for an hour or a moment. In whatever you say and do in their presence, have an eye to its influence upon them.

Your brother in the bonds of the gospel,

Charles G. Finney

destinysweet wrote:
In reading these wise words,I am able to identify the places I wish I had been given the advise earlier,that I might have actively watched over my own brood armed with this understanding.I am also inspired to give thanks to God for making certain I set the right example..because it is by His grace alone that I have been able to see where I have made a positive impact for the highest good.and through His mercy I am still able to continue guiding and apologizing when I see where I have contributed to their difficulty in making right choices.

I think most any parent can read this and see areas where they have made mistakes. I hope others do not read this and think "legalism" or "judgement" on their parenting skills but some good guidelines that we can follow coupled with grace.

I found this devotional called [url=http://www.amazon.com/dp/1888692073?tag=evegoopat-20&camp=14573&creative=327641&linkCode=as1&creativeASIN=1888692073&adid=0J623WN6F33TPNR3BKQF&]"Our 24 Family Ways: Family Devotional Guide."[/url] It's been recommended by alot of homeschoolers. If anyone has any more suggestions on devotions or how you have family devotions that you would like to share I would love to hear them.

"Had we continued perfect as God created the first man, perhaps the perfection of our nature had been a sufficient self-instructor for every one. But as sickness and diseases have created the necessity of medicines and physicians, so the disorders of our rational nature have introduced the necessity of education and tutors...."

~ John Wesley

....David's psalms of daily use in devotion, and Solomon's proverbs in conversation; it will be greatly to your advantage to be well versed in them... When you only hear your children read the Bible, they are tempted to look upon it as not more but a school book; but when they hear you read it to them in a solemn, religious manner, it comes as it ought, with more authority....

Thanks Paul, Psalms and Proverbs have always been on my heart when teaching my children.

On Family Devotions:

Family Altar

Establish a family altar. Build it out of unmovable rocks of resolution. Your time of family devotions should (almost) be non-negotiable. It should be priority for your whole family. Don’t be legalistic about it, but as much as you possibly can, put all other things aside before you postpone or cancel family devotions.

It will be an altar of sacrifice. You will sacrifice your time, sometimes your dignity, and your energy. For years, our kids heard, “Six o’clock…reading time.” That meant that Sue and I dropped anything we were doing, the kids did the same, and we gathered together as a family. You will find that there are many excuses for not having devotions. You may feel pressed for time, tired, or you will want to catch up on the news of the world, or perhaps you will think that you don’t have the ability to teach the Bible. There is, however, one very powerful reason why you should have daily devotions…the eternal salvation of your children.

Here now are some practical points to consider for establishing your altar:

1. Open in prayer. If you are a male, take the lead. If you are a single parent, step into the role of a confident leader. If you are not used to praying out loud, have everyone close their eyes while you pray so that they won’t see you. Begin by thanking God for your family and then simply ask Him to open His Word to each of you. As time goes by, ask one of the children to open in prayer, to build up their confidence when it comes to public prayer. It is wise to keep public prayer reasonably short.

2. Open the Bible. Don’t worry about your lack of “teaching” ability. Simply read five verses from one of the Gospels. Then have each of the family members read five verses, stopping now and then and asking what they think a particular verse means. Go through the verses beforehand and prepare some questions. Be ready for (and don’t be discouraged by) a regular “I dunno.” Tell them what you think the verse means, and carry on with the reading. Follow any cross-references.

3. Open the hearts of your children. Deliberately draw your kids out of themselves. Talk around the world. It doesn’t matter if the subject doesn’t relate directly to the reading. Let the conversation swing to what they have done that day. Let them express their desires and thoughts. Communicate with them. Show interest in their interests. This can be a time for building relationships. If you want to make life long friends of your children, start while they are young. Don’t wait until they are teenagers to do this. It may be too late.

4. Forget your inhibitions. Don’t worry about your dignity. Play act with your kids when they are small. Be Goliath, and let each of them have a turn at being David. Have them throw a cushion or something at you, and fall down when you get hit. Act out Daniel in the lion’s den. Be a lion. Roar. Play out a Bible story with them whenever you can. It will help them retain the principles behind the story. If I remember rightly, when kids hear something, they retain 30% of what’s heard. If they hear and see something, they retain 70%. But if they actually experience something (see, hear and participate in), they retain 90% (I can’t remember the exact statistics, because I only heard them). Use the time when they are young and impressionable to impress upon them biblical truths. I was deeply into play-acting until one memorable day. I was rolling around on the floor doing something incredibly funny, when I looked up and saw that none of my children were even cracking a smile. It was then that I realized that they were no longer impressed.

5. Don’t make the devotional time too long. Keep it to 10-15, perhaps 20 minutes. Have them repeat a memory verse (from the reading) together six times. Do the same verse each night during the week. If they remember it at the end of the week, give them some sort of reward (we often gave our kids a candy bar). The reward is important. We all need an incentive and a candy bar is a good incentive. Perhaps you could have them write verses they remember in a book, and review it regularly.

6. If you want to keep the attention of your children, thoroughly flavor the reading with anecdotes. An anecdote is a short story that illustrates something special. Jesus used them all the time (parables). They will make your teaching palatable. Make them short, and preferably humorous. We have plenty of these in, The Evidence Bible (Bridge-Logos Publishers).

7. Close the reading in prayer, asking God to help you and your family to remember the lessons they have learned.

~Ray Comfort

https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/articles/index.php?view=article&aid=16684

If you are not used to praying out loud, have everyone close their eyes while you pray so that they won’t see you.

That parts funny! :-) It's nice though to get a different slant on how others do devotions.

(Godly Home) Part 15 - Father - the Anointed Teacher by Denny Kenaston

Scripture(s): Deuteronomy 6:4-7

"Description: Brother Denny exhorts fathers in their God-appointed role to "live on the edge of the impossible" by trusting God to work through them. He shares on six holy qualities a father must have to effectively teach his children. Kenaston strongly advocates making family devotions a top priority and shares from personal experience how the Lord has wrought godliness in his home through adopting that....."

https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=7319&commentView=itemComments

I highly recommend the book [url=http://www.visionforum.com/booksandmedia/productdetail.aspx?productid=85726&categoryid=126]Ten P's in a Pod[/url]
Here is an interview of the book that I found on [url=http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Ps-Pod-Million-Mile-Journal/dp/1929241895]Amazon[/url]

[i]"Being a family that wants to honor God and obey His Word ourselves, it was neat to hear the adventures of the Arnold Pent family. They traveled all across North America, often wondering where they would sleep or where their next meal would come from or how they would pay for gas. But they trusted God and He always provided.

As a father, this book gave me a vision for teaching my family the Bible--hearing how much importance Mr. Pent placed on READING the Bible. Before breakfast, and after every meal--regardless of where they were or who they were staying with.

DON'T GET ME WRONG--This is not a boring, stiff, how-to kind of book that makes you feel guilty. It's just a FUN story about a family who was very different from your typical family. Almost every page made our whole family laugh."[/i]

Even though my father has led our family in devotions for many years, this book really influenced us to spend more time reading the Bible. While we don't do as much as the Pents - 30 minutes after each meal - we definitely read more than we did before reading this book.

The book is also an audio book and it was almost better listening to [url=http://www.visionforum.com/booksandmedia/productdetail.aspx?productid=85728&categoryid=126]the author read the book[/url] then it was just reading it myself. :)

Roniya wrote:
I highly recommend the book [url=http://www.visionforum.com/booksandmedia/productdetail.aspx?productid=85726&categoryid=126]Ten P's in a Pod[/url]
Here is an interview of the book that I found on [url=http://www.amazon.com/Ten-Ps-Pod-Million-Mile-Journal/dp/1929241895]Amazon[/url]

[i]"Being a family that wants to honor God and obey His Word ourselves, it was neat to hear the adventures of the Arnold Pent family. They traveled all across North America, often wondering where they would sleep or where their next meal would come from or how they would pay for gas. But they trusted God and He always provided.

As a father, this book gave me a vision for teaching my family the Bible--hearing how much importance Mr. Pent placed on READING the Bible. Before breakfast, and after every meal--regardless of where they were or who they were staying with.

DON'T GET ME WRONG--This is not a boring, stiff, how-to kind of book that makes you feel guilty. It's just a FUN story about a family who was very different from your typical family. Almost every page made our whole family laugh."[/i]

Even though my father has led our family in devotions for many years, this book really influenced us to spend more time reading the Bible. While we don't do as much as the Pents - 30 minutes after each meal - we definitely read more than we did before reading this book.

The book is also an audio book and it was almost better listening to [url=http://www.visionforum.com/booksandmedia/productdetail.aspx?productid=85728&categoryid=126]the author read the book[/url] then it was just reading it myself. :)

The book is also an audio book and it was almost better listening to [url=http://www.visionforum.com/booksandmedia/productdetail.aspx?productid=85728&categoryid=126]the author read the book[/url] then it was just reading it myself. :)

415 min. of audio and for a great price. There is even a sample of the audio [url=http://www.visionforum.com/booksandmedia/productdetail.aspx?productid=85728&categoryid=126]here[/url] too.

This is something I would probably play as my kids are lying down at night for bed. :-) The book would be great for devotions too. Thanks, Joy.

"If you desire without loss of time to strike at the root of their pride, teach your children as soon as possibly you can that they are fallen spirits; that they are fallen short of that glorious image of God wherein they were at first created; that they are not now, as they were once, incorruptible pictures of the God of glory; bearing the express likeness of the wise, the good, the holy Father of spirits; but more ignorant, more foolish, and more wicked, than they can possibly conceive. Show them that in pride, passion, and revenge, they are now like the devil. And that in foolish desires and grovelling appetites they are like the beasts of the field. Watch over them diligently in this respect, that whenever occasion offers you may "pride in its earliest motions find," and check the very first appearance of it.

If you ask, "But how shall I encourage them when they do well, if I am never to commend them?" I answer, I did not affirm this. I did not say, "You are never to commend them." I know many writers assert this, and writers of eminent piety. They say, to commend man is to rob God, and therefore condemn it altogether. But what say the scriptures? I read there that our Lord himself frequently commended his own disciples; and the great Apostle scruples not to commend the Corinthians, Philippians, and divers others to whom he writes. We may not therefore condemn this altogether. But I say, use it exceeding sparingly. And when you use it let it be with the utmost caution, directing them at the same moment to look upon all they have as the free gift of God, and with the deepest self-abasement to say, "Not unto us! Not unto us! But unto thy name give the praise!..."

~John Wesley

As we grow in the knowledge of our Heavenly Father, we will realize not simply the benefits of reading His Word, but the necessity. It will be like our daily bread for us; without it we will be malnourished and unable to live. I used to think that the more 'spiritual' I became, the less I would need to read from the Word daily, but it turned out quite the contrary. In fact, I had never realized how starved I had been until the Lord showed me [i]in my condition[/i] the very reason I restricted my time in the Scriptures to this little. May the Lord give us a hunger for the "pure spiritual milk" of His Word; that we may realize our insufficiency and our utter need for His light to shine upon us; and that we may know the exact measure of that need, so that we know when we've had our fill.

NotMe wrote:
I used to think that the more 'spiritual' I became, the less I would need to read from the Word daily, but it turned out quite the contrary.

Amen, that is so true. There is so much revelation in a single verse of scripture!

"Next to self-will and pride, the most fatal disease is "love of the world." But how studiously do the generality of parents cherish this in its several branches! They cherish "the desire of the flesh," that is, the tendency to seek happiness in pleasing the outward senses, by studying to enlarge the pleasure of tasting in their children to the uttermost; not only giving them before they are weaned other things beside milk, the natural food of children; but giving them, both before and after, any sort of meat or drink that they will take. Yea, they entice them, long before nature requires it, to take wine or strong drink; and provide them with comfits, gingerbread, raisins, and whatever fruit they have a mind to. They feed in them "the desire of the eyes," the propensity to seek happiness in pleasing the imagination, by giving them pretty playthings, glittering toys, shining buckles or buttons, fine clothes, red shoes, laced hats, needless ornaments, as ribbons, necklaces, ruffles; yea, and by proposing any of these as rewards for doing their duty, which is stamping a great value upon them. With equal care and attention they cherish in them the Third branch of the love of the world, "the pride of life;" the propensity to seek their happiness in "the honour that cometh of men." Nor is the love of money forgotten; many an exhortation do they hear on securing the main chance; many a lecture, exactly agreeing with that of the old Heathen, _____ "Get money, honestly if you can; but if not, get money." And they are carefully taught to look on riches and honour as the reward of all their labours."

~John Wesley

".....But herein a difficulty will arise; which it will need much resolution to conquer. Your servants, who will not understand your plan, will be continually giving little things to your children, and thereby undoing all your work. This you must prevent, if possible, by warning them when they first come into your house, and repeating the warning from time to time. If they will do it notwithstanding, you must turn them away. Better lose a good servant than spoil a good child.

Possibly you may have another difficulty to encounter, and one of a still more trying nature. Your mother or your husband's mother, may live with you; and you will do well to show her all possible respect. But let her on no account have the least share in the management of your children. She would undo all that you had done; she would give them their own will in all things. She would humour them to the destruction of their souls, if not of their bodies too. In fourscore years I have not met with one woman that knew how to manage grandchildren. My own mother, who governed her children so well, could never govern one grandchild. In every other point obey your mother. Give up your will to hers. But with regard to the management of your children, steadily keep the reins in your own hands...."

~John Wesley

"....A wise and kind parent will be equally cautious of feeding "the desire of the eyes" in her children. She will give them no pretty playthings, no glittering toys, shining buckles or buttons, fine or gay clothes; no needless ornaments of any kind; nothing that can attract the eye. Nor will she suffer any other person to give them what she will not give them herself. Anything of the kind that is offered may be either civilly refused, or received and laid by. If they are dis- pleased at this, you cannot help it. Complaisance, yea, and temporal interest, must needs be set aside when the eternal interest of your children is at stake.

Your pains will be well requited, if you can inspire them early with a contempt of all finery; and, on the other hand, with a love and esteem for neat plainness of dress: Teaching them to associate the ideas of plainness and modesty; and those of a fine and a loose woman. Likewise, instill into them, as early as possible, a fear and contempt of pomp and grandeur; an abhorrence and dread of the love of money; and a deep conviction; that riches cannot give happiness. Wean them therefore from all these false ends; habituate them to make God their end in all things; and inure them, in all they do, to aim at knowing, loving, and serving God. . . ."

~John Wesley

"...The generality of parents feed and increase the natural falsehood of their children. How often may we hear that senseless word, "No, it was not you; it was not my child that did it; say, it was the cat." What amazing folly is this! Do you feel no remorse, while you are putting a lie in the mouth of your child, before it can speak plain? And do not you think, it will make good proficiency when it comes to years of discretion? Others teach them both dissimulation and lying, by their unreasonable severity; and yet others, by admiring and applauding their ingenious lies and cunning tricks. Let the wise parent, on the contrary, teach them to "put away all lying," and both in little things and great, in jest or earnest, speak the very truth from their heart. Teach them that the author of all falsehood is the devil, who "is a liar and the father of it." Teach them to abhor and despise, not only all lying, but all equivocating, all cunning and dissimulation. Use every means to give them a love of truth,—of veracity, sincerity, and simplicity, and of openness both of spirit and behaviour..."

~John Wesley

"...Most parents increase the natural tendency to injustice in their children, by conniving at their wronging each other; if not laughing at, or even applaud- ing, their witty contrivances to cheat one another. Beware of everything of this kind; and from their very infancy sow the seeds of justice in their hearts, and train them up in the exactest practice of it. If possible, teach them the love of justice, and that in the least things as well as the greatest. Impress upon their mind the old proverb: "He that will steal a penny will steal a pound." Habituate them to render unto all their due, even to the uttermost farthing.

Many parents connive likewise at the ill-nature of their children, and thereby strengthen it. But truly affectionate parents will not indulge them in any kind or degree of unmercifulness. They will not suffer them to vex their brothers or sisters, either by word or deed. They will not allow them to hurt, or give pain to, anything that has life. They will not permit them to rob birds' nests; much less to kill anything without necessity,—not even snakes, which are as innocent as worms, or toads, which, notwithstanding their ugliness, and the ill name they lie under, have been proved over and over to be as harmless as flies. Let them extend in its measure the rule of doing as they would be done by, to every animal whatsoever. Ye that are truly kind parents, in the morning, in the evening, and all the day beside, press upon all your children, "to walk in love, as Christ also loved us, and gave himself for us;" to mind that one point, "God is love; and he that dwelleth in love, dwelleth in God, and God in him."

~John Wesley

"...But what is the meaning of these words, "Children, obey your parents in all things?" I will endeavour, by the assistance of God, First, to explain, and, Then to apply them.

I. 1. First. I will endeavour to explain these words; and the rather, because so few people seem to understand them. Look round into the world, not the heathen but the Christian world, nay, the Reformed part of it; look among those that have the Scriptures in their own tongue; and who is there that appears even to have heard of this? Here and there a child obeys the parent out of fear, or perhaps out of natural affection. But how many children can you find that obey their fathers and mothers out of a sense of duty to God? And how many parents can you find that duly inculcate this duty upon their child- ren? I doubt, a vast majority both of parents and children are totally ignorant of the whole affair. For the sake of these I will make it as plain as I can: But still I am thoroughly sensible, those that are not willing to be convinced will no more understand what I say than if I was talking Greek or Hebrew.

2. You will easily observe, that by parents the Apostle means both fathers and mothers, as he refers us to the Fifth Commandment, which names both the one and the other. And, however human laws may vary herein, the law of God makes no difference; but lays us under the same obligation of obeying both the one and the other.

. . . .

5. But what is implied in, "Children, obey your parents in all things?" Certainly the First point of obedience is to do nothing which your father or mother forbids, whether it be great or small. Nothing is more plain than that the prohibition of a parent binds every conscientious child; that is, except the thing prohibited is clearly enjoined of God. Nor indeed is this all; the matter may be carried a little farther still: A tender parent may totally disapprove what he does not care flatly to forbid. What is the duty of a child in this case? How far is that disapprobation to be regarded? Whether it be equivalent to a prohibition or not, a person who would have a conscience void of offence should undoubtedly keep on the safe side, and avoid what may perhaps be evil. It is surely the more excellent way, to do nothing which you know your parents disapprove. To act otherwise seems to imply a degree of disobedience, which one of a tender conscience would wish to avoid...."

~John Wesley

"...6. The Second thing implied in this direction is, Do every thing which your father or mother bids, be it great or small, provided it be not contrary to any command of God. Herein God has given a power to parents, which even sovereign princes have not. The King of England, for instance, is a sovereign prince; yet he has not power to bid me do the least thing, unless the law of the land requires me so to do; for he has no power but to execute the law. The will of the king is no law to the subject. But the will of the parent is a law to the child, who is bound in conscience to submit thereto unless it be contrary to the law of God..."

~John Wesley

7. "It is with admirable wisdom that the Father of spirits has given this direction, that as the strength of the parents supplies the want of strength, and the understanding of the parents the want of understanding, in their children, till they have strength and understanding of their own; so the will of the parents may [should] guide that of their children till they have wisdom and experience to guide themselves. This, therefore, is the very first thing which children have to learn,—that they are to obey their parents, to submit to their will, in all things. And this they may be inured to, long before they understand the reason of it; and, indeed, long before they are capable of understanding any of the principles of religion. Accordingly, St. Paul directs all parents to bring up their children "in the discipline and doctrine of the Lord." For their will may be broken by proper discipline, even in their early infancy; whereas it must be a considerable time after, before they are capable of instruction. This, therefore, is the first point of all: Bow down their wills from the very first dawn of reason; and, by habituating them to submit to your will, prepare them for submitting to the will of their Father which is in heaven.

8. But how few children do we find, even of six or eight years old, that understand anything of this! Indeed, how should they understand it, seeing they have none to teach them? Are not their parents, father as well as mother, full as ignorant of the matter as themselves? Whom do you find, even among religious people, that have the least conception of it? Have not you seen the proof of it with your own eyes? Have not you been present when a father or mother has said, "My child, do so or so?" The child, without any ceremony, answered peremptorily, "I won't." And the parent quietly passes it by, without any further notice. And does he or she not see, that, by this cruel indulgence, they are training up their child, by flat rebellion against their parents, to rebellion against God? Consequently they are training him up for the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels! Did they duly consider this they would neither eat, nor drink, nor sleep, till they had taught him a better lesson, and made him thoroughly afraid of ever giving that diabolical answer again.

9. Let me reason this case a little farther with you parents that fear God. If you do fear God, how dare you suffer a child above a year old to say, "I will do" what you forbid, or, "I won't do" what you bid, and to go unpunished? Why do not you stop him at once, that he may never dare to say so again? Have you no bowels, no compassion for your child? No regard for his salvation or destruction? Would you suffer him to curse or swear in your presence, and take no notice of it? Why, disobedience is as certain a way to damnation as cursing and swearing. Stop him, stop him at first, in the name of God. Do not "spare the rod, and spoil the child." If you have not the heart of a tiger, do not give up your child to his own will, that is, to the devil. Though it be pain to yourself, yet pluck your offspring out of the lion's teeth. Make them submit, that they may not perish. Break their will, that you may save their soul."

~John Wesley

10. I cannot tell how to enforce this point sufficiently. To fix it upon your minds more strongly, permit me to add part of a letter on the subject, printed some years ago:—

"In order to form the minds of children, the first thing to be done is to conquer their will. To inform their understanding is a work of time, and must proceed by slow degrees; but the subjecting the will is a thing which must be done at once; and the sooner the better. For by our neglecting timely correction they contract a stubbornness which is hardly ever to be conquered, and never without using that severity which would be as painful to us as to the children. Therefore, I call those cruel parents who pass for kind and indulgent; who permit their children to contract habits which they know must be afterwards broken.

"I insist upon conquering the wills of children betimes; because this is the only foundation for a religious education. When this is thoroughly done, then a child is capable of being governed by the reason of its parent, till its own understanding comes to maturity.

"I cannot yet dismiss this subject. As self-will is the root of all sin and misery, so whatever cherishes this in children, ensures their after-wretchedness and irreligion; and whatever checks and mortifies it, promotes their future hap- piness and piety. This is still more evident if we consider that religion is nothing else but the doing the will of God, and not our own; and that self-will being the grand impediment to our temporal and eternal happiness, no indulg- ence of it can be trivial; no denial of it unprofitable. Heaven or hell depends on this alone. So that the parent who studies to subdue it in his children, works together with God in the saving of a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil's work, makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable; and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body, for ever!

"This, therefore, I cannot but earnestly repeat,—break their wills betimes; begin this great work before they can run alone, before they can speak plain, or perhaps speak at all. Whatever pains it cost, conquer their stubbornness: break the will, if you would not damn the child. I conjure you not to neglect, not to delay this! Therefore, (1.) Let a child, from a year old, be taught to fear the rod and to cry softly. In order to this, (2.) Let him have nothing he cries for; absolutely nothing, great or small; else you undo your own work. (3.) At all events, from that age, make him do as he is bid, if you whip him ten times running to effect it. Let none persuade you it is cruelty to do this; it is cruelty not to do it. Break his will now, and his soul will live, and he will probably bless you to all eternity.

~John Wesley

"11. On the contrary, how dreadful are the consequences of that accursed kindness which gives children their own wills, and does not bow down their necks from their infancy! It is chiefly owing to this, that so many religious parents bring up children that have no religion at all; children that, when they are grown up, have no regard for them, perhaps set them at nought, and are ready to pick out their eyes! Why is this, but because their wills were not broken at first?—because they were not inured from their early infancy to obey their parents in all things, and to submit to their wills as to the will of God?—because they were not taught from the very first dawn of reason, that the will of their parents was, to them, the will of God; that to resist it was rebellion against God, and an inlet to all ungodliness?

II. 1. This may suffice for the explication of the text: I proceed to the application of it. And permit me, First, to apply to you that are parents, and, as such concerned to teach your children. Do you know these things yourselves? Are you thoroughly convinced of these important truths? Have you laid them to heart? and have you put them in practice, with regard to your own children? Have you inured them to discipline, before they were capable of instruction? Have you broken their wills from their earliest infancy; and do you still continue so to do, in opposition both to nature and custom? Did you explain to them, as soon as their understanding began to open, the reasons of your proceeding thus? Did you point out to them the will of God as the sole law of every intelligent creature; and show them it is the will of God that they should obey you in all things? Do you inculcate this over and over again till they perfectly comprehend it? O never be weary of this labour of love! and your labour will not always be in vain."

~John Wesley

2. At least, do not teach them to disobey, by rewarding them for disobedience. Remember! you do this every time you give them anything because they cry for it. And herein they are apt scholars: If you reward them for crying, they will certainly cry again. So that there is no end, unless you make it a sacred rule, to give them nothing which they cry for. And the shortest way to do this is, never suffer them to cry aloud. Train them up to obedience in this one instance, and you will easily bring them to obey in others. Why should you not begin to-day? Surely you see what is the most excellent way; best for your child, and best for your own soul. Why then do you disobey? Because you are a coward; because you want resolution. And doubtless it requires [no small resolution to begin and persist herein. It certainly requires] no small patience, more than nature ever gave. But the grace of God is sufficient for you; you can do all things through Christ that strengtheneth you. This grace is sufficient to give you diligence, as well as resolution; otherwise laziness will be as great a hindrance as cowardice. For without much pains you cannot conquer: Nothing can be done with a slack hand; labour on; never tire, lay line upon line, till patience has its perfect work.

~John Wesley

3. But there is another hindrance that is full as hard to be conquered as either laziness or cowardice. It is called fondness, and is usually mistaken for love: But, O, how widely different from it! It is real hate; and hate of the most mischievous kind, tending to destroy both body and soul in hell! O give not way to it any longer, no, not for a moment. Fight against it with your might! for the love of God; for the love of your children; for the love of your own soul!

~John Wesley

Because the weather is starting to warm up our family decided to start having devotions outside and my kids roasted some hotdogs over the fire pit. We had a great time. :-)

I decided to combine this thread with the [url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=23026&forum=45&54]"Revive Our Hearts" thread.[/url]