Help

YES! dear one with a heart for God. Remember what you do know and have seen of God. Specifics.

Do you recall what preceeds both new birth and revival? You are not alone.

praying

WITH CONFIDENCE IN GOD

Joy and peace are found in the heart of one who
is fully yielded to God. Have you given your life
over to Jesus?? Only He can make it new!!

Paulmcg1, you may/may not have been a Christian before but I do tend to believe this. That if you were not before, God is bringing/urging you now to become one. Pray to God that you be one of his children. Pray, plead, cry uncessingly until He opens the door. He will open the door, you need only ask. Also, ask Him to forgive all your sins. Ask God to help you repent and show you your errors.
(There has been people, example Charo Wahser who is Paul Washer's wife) who was not a Christian (although she initially thought she was) until many years later--her testimony can be found I believe in HeartcryMissionary website or you can try googling for her name)

Also, whether you are/are not a Christian, pour out your brokeness to God. Tell him your feelings and you do not know what to do. Tell God that you don't even know whether you are a Christian or not. Ask God to accept you as a child of God. Ask him to lead you. Ask Him to open up your heart. If you are scared etc, also tell Him that.

He will open up and heal you, sometimes in ways that you never expected. When we are sincere, he will bless us in more than we ever asked for

Have you ever been married?? Giving your life
over means you put God's interests and needs
before your own!!

I will give you a sample prayer taken from an ex-Catholic person

Jesus, I want to know You. Please reveal Yourself to me and make the Bible come alive for me. I want to be clean and start over again. Please forgive my sins. Wash them away and set me free. I want to live right. Please change my heart. Help me love what You love and turn away from things that displease You. You know what's best for me. I want to do things Your way. Please be the Lord of my life. Teach me to love the way You love. Help me be faithful to You. Thank you for loving me and for hearing this prayer. Thank you for being my Lord and my Saviour

Lou Sutera has a message: Joy the Serious Business of Heaven. I don’t know if that particular message it is on SI.

Hearing the truth about “the death of Self”, agreeing with God, His Word, absolutely makes a difference. Many. Five years is a long time, day-by-day. Thank God the obstacle to reaching out was dealt with at least in part.

Is it that you have no assurance of salvation? Is it that you see none of the fruits of the Spirit in your life? Do you love the brethren? What did you remember of what you do know and have seen of God? You might have to un-pact this a bit more. Maybe not.

Oh good, though not essential, un-packing with the brethren can help. With God it is essential. Praying.

Paulmcg1

There's one thing you can do in the meantime. You've mentioned that there's so many things wrong in your life. Well, try to do 1 or 2 things right first (for example hugging your wife in the morning etc). Maybe in 1 or more areas, bit by bit. All the while asking God to guide you even when you feel that He has not responded to you.

Meanwhile, I'm attaching a thread. The 2 attachments there might help you.

https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=24744&forum=44&7

Praying for you

Paul... I am moved by your posts. I can answer your question, "Does anyone have REAL peace" because I do believe that I have real peace in my life that is ONLY because of God.

HOWEVER, my husband is a lot like you seem to be. He struggles to find peace, even though he is a strong and committed Christian. He has talked about wanting to end it all at times but God always brings him through.

One thing God has used greatly in my husband's life is the testimony of Rich Mullins - who was also a melancholy type of person who struggled with inner turmoil, fear and depression. He learned that God allowed him to suffer with those things because they were really a source of motivation for him - causing him to reach out to other hurting people. He was able to do that because he gave all of the pain to God. One quote from the devotional biography which a friend wrote about his life says:

:::"There's a scene in Thornton Wilder's play "The Angel that Troubled the Waters" which to me really captures the essence of the life and the spirituality of Rich Mullins.

The scene is a doctor comes to the pool everyday wanting to be healed of his melancholy and his gloom and his sadness. Finally the angel appears. The doctor goes to step into the water. The angel blocks his entrance and says, "No, step back, the healing is not for you." The doctor pleads, "But I've got to get into the water. I can't live this way." The angel says, "No, this moment is not for you." And he says, "But how can I live this way?"

The angel says to him, "Doctor, without your wounds where would your power be? It is your melancholy that makes your low voice tremble into the hearts of men and women. The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children of this earth as can one human being broken on the wheels of living. In love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve."

And to me the theme of that story is the theme to Rich Mullins' life. All grace, all light, all truth, all power are communicated though the vulnerability, the brokenness, the utter honesty of men and women who have been shipwrecked, heartbroken, broken in the wheels of living. In love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve. And to me, the power of Rich Mullins life lay in the power of his brokenness.:::

Other than that, I would also encourage you to do what Proverbs 16:3 says - which is to commit your WORKS to the Lord, and then your THOUGHTS will be established. If you want Go to "establish your thoughts" (to give you peace in your mind)you must first do what His Word says will accomplish that. Commit your works to the Lord. Struggle to remove any and all sin from your life - then when you go to Him in prayer, you will experience a closer and better relationship with Him! It might be the key that will unlock the door that you have been struggling with!

I will be praying for you friend.

Those are good words by Brothertom.

As for my own experience, I have found that most personal misery, confusion, discouragement and depression comes from an improper or insufficient knowledge and revelation of God's grace, and the purpose and power of the blood of our Lord Jesus Christ.

If we have a faulty understanding of the blood, Satan can and will take us down in a moment. The sense of guilt and hopelessness will surely become overbearing as we measure ourselves against the law. Satan gladly holds the mirror, full length. Christians are some of the most depressed people in the world, because they know just enough of God and the Bible to keep them crestfallen and defeated, but not enough to overcome and have victory. We tend to think, as result, that the victory lies in ourselves, in what we do or do not do. We need to understand that we ourselves cannot do anything outside of Christ, and that even our best efforts at asectism and self-denial will not bring us any closer to God or win even the most miniscule favor with Him.

There is only one way, and that is through Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ must become our life, He must become our goodness, He must become our joy, our deliverance, our righteousness, our patience - all these virtues can only be wrought through Him moment by moment as we learn to fix our eyes upon Him in faith. If we can learn to do this and trust God with an on-going and childlike faith, we will have constant victory and joy. Even when we fail and miss the mark (because this happens), if we have a proper understanding of the blood's cleansing power and God's amazing grace and forgiveness upon our confession, we can get up and continue forward almost immediately. Satan will have no time to weasel his way in and corrupt your thinking.

The challenge, therefore, and all the strife and fight is found in the process of learning to simply and continually [i]look to Jesus as the author and finisher of our faith[/i]. Oh, it is a blessed revelation! It is the ultimate act of a child; it was the prescription given by God in Numbers 21 to the snakebitten Isrealites: simply to [i]look[/i] and live.

Can you look to Jesus today, right now, even as you read this? Can you see Him, the risen God, mighty to save and sanctify...and to [i]keep[/i] you sanctified? God has given us all things in Christ, and He has done it at a level where even the most uneduacated and unassuming babe can comprehend and experience unbroken victory (even in the light of failings and fallings).

Stop listening to legalistic preachers and sermons and reading legalistic books and constantly comparing yourself to other men of God who did glorious feats in the past, and just learn to train your eyes to look to Jesus. When we learn this, even our failures, it will be seen, are turned around by God for our good and growing and future blessing. This is the secret, dear brother, but this is also the bloody fight we must wage daily - because all the world and flesh and devil is diametrically opposed and non-conducive to this "eye training". Wicked spirits and your flesh will incessantly contend for your undivided attention and, if possible, divert your stare from the cross and risen Savior for as long as you walk this earth. Because the devil well knows that if he can divert your looking, he can pervert your thinking. He'll soon cloud your mind, confound your emotions, summon the flesh and keep you staring into his crystal ball which is but the reflection of self in a funhouse mirror of God's law.

You must remember that God is not willing that any should perish... and that if you are confessing your sins before Him then He is faithful and just to forgive them and to cleanse you of all unrighteousness. He does not promise you will be washed over with warm-fuzzies when that happens. You may not FEEL the way you want to FEEL... but if you have FAITH in His Word... then you will believe that He has done what He promised to do! To forgive you and to save you. It is also not necessarily a bad thing to be in a position where you feel the pain of your sins so greatly and repent of them often! Keep praying, keep an attitude of repentence and have faith that God will do what He has promised to do as a result of you doing what He asks of you. He loves you.

You are not turning at the point of correction.

IsaiahSix3 wrote:

...only wounded soldiers can serve

It's wild how I see the Lord use this very thing you speak of over and over again in the lives of His children.

Jesus was the only perfect man to ever live. The rest of us have been used and abused by the world, family, friends, loved one's and ourselves. God uses those who have their lives in order, but from my angle, I see the Lord also using more and more men and women who have hurt in their lives and are still hurting, in His ministry.

The Lord is moving in your life. He is shedding the very thing about you that needs to be shed... and that is you. You may not see the fruit of this but try as much as you can to be humbled, for you are recieving a gift that not all people can see or embrace.

Brother, may Thy wil be done.

The following is a Newton hymn I've often used in the ministry of cheering the brokenhearted. It would do you well to read it slowly and thoughtfully. It has been a great source of comfort and encouragement to me for years, and it is amazing that it is still all but virtually unknown.

[i]I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

"Lord, why is this," I trembling cried,
"Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?"
“’Tis in this way," the Lord replied,
"I answer prayer for grace and faith.

"These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”[/i]

- John Newton

We'll be praying for you.

You are in a good position. we must be in such desperate shape to see God work mightily in our lives DO NOT GIVE UP. no matter what comes against you! Hudson Taylor also was in an unsatisfied state for a long time but he never gave up till he broke through with God! (Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret)
May I encourage you please don't give up. Maybe a time of seeking God by not getting up till you have met with God No matter the cost to you.
When you meet with God it will cost you!
Some have got victory over themselves when they started thanking God for everything they had from God. Such little things as breth, health.. We may think little of till we lose it... then we see how the sustaining hand of God is so merciful to us even when we do not pay the slightest attention to him...

I hope I come through clearly...
At least with a little help...
I will be praying for you..
Read your Bible and spend much time with Him.

Brother James.

Dear brother

Reply to paulmcg1

I admire and respect your spirit of humiliation. When I came to the point that you are at my first thought was to hide from God in my shame and it was a mistake. When I fail I repent and move on, and believe you me that is often.

A prodical son is always welcome home in The Kingdom of God, but a rebellious one is always chastised. You can not expect anything from your Heavenly Father until you surrender.

The Kingdom of God is in you. The laws of justice, rules, graces, precepts, wisdom, truth, Psalms, Proverbs with examples are found line upon line in the Word of God, your Holy Bible.

Manifest God’ words in your life and walk as a chosen vessel, build your life again by always having God’s words before your eyes and His Holy Spirit in your very soul.. If your clay vessel is empty fill it to the brim with the unleavened words of God, then when your soul is at rest, God’s word in you will began to overflow into your home and community and you will be a blessing to all.

Eddie

...only wounded soldiers can serve

It's wild how I see the Lord use this very thing you speak of over and over again in the lives of His children.

Have to agree wholeheartedly. Any number of cliché' like sentiments come to mind and it is unfortunate that they can be turned out that way when they are the truth of the matter ...

Being made broken bread for others and for their sakes. That the Lord does not use a man until He breaks him. So many like this and more.

Dear brother - It is difficult to try and find something to latch unto in a season like this, it seems most everything is a religious platitude or a [i]just[/i] do this that and the following. We can all share our own experiences and give back what we ourselves have gone through. What will stick? What will help? What is merely opinion?

Now I'm a broken mess. I can't even describe how horrible I feel. I've desired strongly for my life to end.

If I can take some liberties I would suppose this has caused some alarms to go off but will climb out on the limb and wonder if you are putting it as Job did;

[i]Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?

Wherefore then hast thou brought me forth out of the womb? Oh that I had given up the ghost, and no eye had seen me!

I should have been as though I had not been; I should have been carried from the womb to the grave.[/i]

It was often his lament, I share it many times, given certain circumstances, either personal or just looking out upon a world gone mad.

Dear brother I would give you from the earnestness of my gut, the innermost part of me that this is ... a privilege. Hard to hear that now and would expect you to reject it immediately though it will come back to you later. And that it is the point, it is not that you [i]get[/i] through this as much as you [i]go[/i] through it. You have to stop and recognize the paradox of it all. What is the trouble? Why are you troubled? If none of these things were true then the whole conversation here would be quite different. Think yourself not a Christian? Would be far more concerned if you came here speaking of how wonderful your life is, how prosperous you were, how you dance in gold dust and have angels speaking to you, prophesying all manners of foolish notions ...

Rather you are in pain - suffering for a season;

[i]Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.[/i] 1Pe 4:19

That verse, one of the first I had tried to memorize many years ago from a scripture memory system (Apparently not my particular penchant or way of going about things) nevertheless stuck and was timed perfectly. Brother, my two bit's here are just that I have been through what you speak of. I truly thought I was completely losing my mind, that I was going insane and that I was also a complete and miserable failure. Whether or not I was truly a Christian - How I could do certain things and worse [i]think[/i] certain things - Confused! Full of anxiety and perplexity at one point so distressed thought I was medically speaking in depression. Went to a doctor, was somewhat mocked even by my wife and had the doctor tell me that there was nothing wrong with me! I thought are you kidding me?

But siting there on that table waiting, just before she came in (the doctor) I knew internally that this was going to be a waste of time though I was hoping to be relieved and proved wrong. It was almost indecipherable in my condition but I knew right then and there that trying to get a doctors prescription to a spiritual condition was indeed folly. It was a humiliating moment in a number of ways. It made me recognize that [i]Only You Oh Lord[/i] can remedy that which ails me and I had to repent that I didn't yet fully trust Him to do so. But it also began to pave the way to many things I had yet to consider. One was that there was no blame nor 'guilt trip' so to speak for having gone to such lengths, No, not at all. The Lord knows what He is doing dear brother even if we falter and flail about in His hands.

[i]Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.[/i] Psa 42:5

One of the other great helps was from some experienced and wise older brothers right here that admonished me with some things I was not ready to hear but took them to heart anyway.

Too much introspection. Examine ourselves we should and ought and in this day of .... distraction and passing the buck and blaming anyone but ourselves not enough can be said ... generally. But the admonishen was on the order of paralysis by analysis, over analysis. You will need to force yourself into some distraction - somebodies else's problem or plight, somebody far worse off than yourself. Count your blessings lately? I mean are there not very many things to be thankful for, even the most simplest of matters ... Hot water for your shower, food to eat, a place to sleep - another day and another chance to learn of God and be made into that disposition that you are at bottom longing for? Again that paradox ...

There is much more I wanted to say dear brother but must get to work. One last thing, the comparison to others worse off is a great thing to contemplate, it is a very healthy thing to do - not to pile on more guilt for feeling the way you do, your circumstances are as real and as painful as any, it is only a matter of perspective, it is a blessed thing to be made more humble and lower brother, trust me ... it calms us down and puts us in a right state, for more grasp of this I am constantly at battle with.

A piece of help from another;

[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=23155&forum=35]Even our "Hero's" of the Faith Struggled!![/url]

My earnest prayers brother, the Lord is at work as sure as the sun is out this day.

Paul, I will continue to pray for you. I've prayed for you at other times but to my shame it has slipped from my mind since I haven't seen or heard anything about you.

May the Lord Bless you.

- Josh Parsley

Paul Washer asked a girl who couldn't find assurance of her salvation to do it. He also mentioned that no one who did it did not find assurance after some time. She was willing.

I have never forgotten this and finally plucked up the determination, courage and 'ability to understand a bit better' to say it. I said it when I was already a Christian. Said it not to be saved but because wanted to 'grow closer to God' among other things. Every time I said it, God supplied the feeling and tears. The next day there was deep peace and joy. I've incorporated a shortened version (without the hell part etc as do not need to keep reminding me of hell among other things) in my everyday prayers. I do intend however, to say the full prayer every once in a while so as to sharpen my walk with God

I hope you will ponder over it and if and when you are ready, to say it. It is a very powerful prayer indeed.

I took this from Paris Reidhead's sermon Ten Shekels and a Shirt

"Lord Jesus, I'm going to obey you, and love you, and serve you, and do what you want me to do, as long as I live, even if I go to Hell at the end of the road, simply because you are worthy to be loved, and obeyed and served, and I'm not trying to make a deal with you!"