Your Prayers Needed

My wife called me today and told me that we were going to be meeting with a mediator next week to discuss our divorce.

I have no idea what to do.

This is a painful situation, and I ask you all to pray for our restoration.

There has been no adultery, or abuse, or any Biblical reason for a divorce at all. I am seeing a five year marriage quickly washed down the drain.

Thank you all so much.

Hi roaringlamb...

I weep with you, dear brother! I hurt for you and this untold amount of pain that you must persevere and endure through.

My wife and I will continue to hold this situation in our prayers. We especially pray for God's strength to be revealed in you as you endure this trial. Of course, we are also praying for a miracle. I pray that God does something in the heart of your wife. Remember, "[i]The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will[/i]" (Proverbs 21:1). I am praying for your wife's heart to be turned back to you.

My next-to-oldest sister is going through a similar situation. She has seperated from her husband after several years of marriage. She has a very small child named Elijah. We are praying for restoration of this marriage covenant as well. Please keep them in your prayers.

Brother, if you ever need to talk, feel free to give me a call. I will PM my telephone number to you. I certainly do not have -- nor can I provide -- all of the answers, but I do know the One who does.

Regardless, He is faithful even when this world (and those we love) are faithless. He is beside you even now to comfort you through this pain. His comfort is better than any other.

Matthew 11:28-30

Brother Patrick,

I have one question. How do you view your wife? When you look at her, do you see the beauty of Christ shining forth out of her soul? Do you see her as an extension of yourself? Does your love for her rise from the depths of your spirit? Would you willingly lay down your life for her and endure scorn and shame? Do you accept her into your loving arms for better or worse - whether she has done good or evil? Do you show forth kindness in all of your conversation with her? Do you view her as a treasure - like the diamond that you put on her finger - shining forth with brilliance and beauty - continually delighting in her presence?

No woman in her right mind would walk away from a man that loves her like this, for a desire for such love is what He has instilled into the hearts of man - to draw them unto Himself.

Heartsong,

No, I have not always loved my wife this way, and I take full credit for that. I was arrogant and self centered much of the time.

Yet also because I am not liberal in my theology, it causes much strife.

I have learned to love my wife in this way through much good and needed chastening from my Father. My wife has consistently told me that she knows that I would never leave her or cheat on her.

But I fear the allurements of the world have sucked my wife away from a solid Biblical view of things, and she is under the impression that she can divorce me and though it is not God sanctioned, she can hold her chin up and lean on Christ.(her words, not mine)

praying for you roaringlamb,

I am so sorry to here this! I have been married for around 24 years. We communicate all the time. I love her dearly. We talk about Jesus together all the time. We settle any differences immediately.
We are truly one in Christ. The scripture talks about how the husband is to love his wife. It says to give honor to her as the weaker vessel. We must have much patience in love for our wife.

I will pray that God will show you areas of reconciliation. Don't give up yet my brother. Pray for her, love her, and show kindness to her.

Pray that God will show you what you can do in any area of seeking forgiveness and restoration.

I have to go for now but i will be praying. -rbanks

Brother Patrick,

I hope you do not mind me picking at this a little . . .

she is under the impression that she can divorce me and though it is not God sanctioned, she can hold her chin up and lean on Christ.(her words, not mine)

Her statement that she can hold her chin up - have you somehow made her feel that her head should be bowed in shame?

Her statement about leaning on Christ - does she not view leaning on you as leaning on Christ?

I pray that you are not lording God over her . . .

Praying.

Brother Patrick,

My marriage was on the brink of disaster, and I did everything that I could to fix it - but nothing worked. In fact, everything that I did and said only made it worse. Finally, in total desperation, I turned to God and said "You fix it - I can't. What ever you want Lord, make it, break it - anything - but just take it off of my shoulders for I can not bear it any longer."

And the tide turned . . .

I will be holding the both of you in prayer.
He can mend it - He can fix anything.

Finally, in total desperation, I turned to God and said "You fix it - I can't. What ever you want Lord, make it, break it - anything - but just take it off of my shoulders for I can not bear it any longer.

For the last 4 or 5 days, this has been the cry from my lips.

I do not think I am lording God over her at all, but it does seem that I am the only one using Scripture to at least make her think twice.

She has refused to meet with a pastor, and instead has sought a "Christian counselor".

We never opened the Bible, never spoke of any productive ways to fix things, it was all what I had done wrong, while my wife's only wrong doing was "getting married in the first place".

She has told me that she never loved me and that anytime she said it was to try to convince herself that she did.

There have been many other things, and I still love her and am willing to do whatever it takes for restoration.

Thank you for your prayers brother? sister?

roaringlamb wrote:
She has told me that she never loved me and that anytime she said it was to try to convince herself that she did.

Wow! if she said that you might be better off with a divorce, how can anyone stay married to someone that don't love them? just wondering.

I still love her and am willing to do whatever it takes for restoration.

Within an hour God changed his heart.

how can anyone stay married to someone that don't love them? just wondering.

Nothing is impossible with God, many Christians stay in their marriages for the sake of Christ's righteousness and the sake of His good Name. For His testimony...not easy...for sure

Wow! if she said that you might be better off with a divorce, how can anyone stay married to someone that don't love them? just wondering.

Brother when I consider all the times I have told Christ I did not love Him, I see it as a very Christ-like deed to bear with her in this.

Love bears all things.

I wanted to let you all knnow that I feel that prayer is working, my wife seems to be under some conviction based on her anger, and strange behavior.

I believe our God is at work!

Love bears all things.

Amen! Brother ..love is patient, love is kind..

Precious love of the utmost kind.

I'm encouraged by your spirit, Roaringlamb, and will be praying without ceasing for the Lord to restore your beloved wife to you.

In Christ
mamaluk

MrBillPro wrote:

Wow! if she said that you might be better off with a divorce, how can anyone stay married to someone that don't love them? just wondering.

MrBillPro,

I love you, but this has to be the worst council I have heard on SI in the last 6 months. This is nothing less then wicked council and has flesh written all over it.

If this was from a non-Christian, I could understand more why it would be said.

Brother roaringlamb,

She is your wife. Love her exactly as you are trying to do. Look to the Lord for your council and not to us men, who can lead you into destruction. I for one will pray for you and your wife.

Hi HeartSong…

Do you realize that right here you have stated that you are right and she is wrong? That in effect you have drawn a dividing line? That your view of God is proper and that hers is foolish?

If what our brother said is true, then he [u]IS[/u] right and she [u]IS[/u] wrong. This “dividing line” is drawn in the Word of God. There is [u]no[/u] scriptural defense for this woman’s behavior.

I say this from experience, because my sister is doing the same thing right now! She decided to leave her husband…and is talking divorce. Her husband is a good, strong Christian man. He doesn’t cheat or abuse her in any way. However, my sister decided to separate herself from him just after the New Year. My sister is even now speaking about her husband in past tense (her “ex-husband”). Her lifestyle has suddenly become extremely liberal – yet she tries to maintain her faith. She even forwards emails about praying for people that she knows. It is all a bit perplexing! Worse – this same sister used to preach to me in tears about Christ while I was an agnostic teen!

Recently, we learned that my sister has started to “see” another man. This man doesn’t even pretend to love Jesus. She found him on “MySpace” – and he regularly mocks God. Yet my sister justifies this relationship because she says that she is “human” and is prone to human desires. She tells me that there is 0% hope for her marriage. She claims that she never loved her husband, even though they have been married for quite about ten years! I have tried to reason with her from Scripture, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She tells me to either change the subject or she promptly ends the telephone call. She claims to still love Christ. I tell her that if she loved Him, she would do as he says.

So, in a sense, she is trying to hold her “chin” up high. She just doesn’t comprehend the gravity of her actions! She SHOULD bow her head in shame! She has ruined a good marriage, devastating the heart of a good Christian man (and a great provider – both spiritually and physically), and insured that their two year old little boy will grow up in a broken home!

I’ve told my sister that I can’t shake the image of her in a few years, holding her hands upon her head, and asking, “[i]What have I done?!?[/i]” In the past few months, this sister who used to call me up four or five times a week has called me twice. Is she under conviction for her conduct? She should be! Deep down, I am confident that she knows that she is doing wrong. I have a feeling that she thinks that she can enjoy the pleasures of her sin for a while…and repent later. In other words, she wants the best of both worlds. Worse – there are actually some “Christian” women who “understand” her “situation” and are “encouraging her” through this decision. My wife told me to tell her that those women are as pathetic with their carnal advice as Job’s friends.

I’m sure that our brother is not perfect. Yet neither is my brother-in-law. However, there are times in which a good woman – raised in the things of God – can fall prey to the lies of the Devil. This carnal “wisdom” and acceptance of divorce is shocking! Yes, there are a couple of circumstances in which divorce is an option. But deciding that the love wasn’t “real” is NOT one of them! It is a shame to even consider such a thing!

My brother-in-law has gone through an extremely difficult time over the past seven months. His heart still aches badly. Not only is he feel unloved and rejected by my sister, but he is also aware of the ramifications that this causes their only son. My wife nearly wrote an email to my sister the other day. She simply wanted to tell her the truth in all of its glorious bluntness. I cautioned her to use tact or not write at all. However, I am beginning to wonder: Maybe a blunt revelation of truth is what my sister needs to hear?

I’m sure that our brother’s case is very different from the situation with my sister and her husband. But the Word of God can be applied to both of these cases. There SHOULD be a bit of shame in regard to such things! Sin is shameful! Disobedience is shameful! I remember reading an article about Bill Cosby (the actor). He was speaking to the NAACP and he was nearly booed off the stage. He asked why African Americans continue to blame “white folks” when someone gets shot for an armed robbery in which the burglar stole pound cake from a convenience store. He questioned why that young African American man didn’t contemplate the shame that such action would cause to his mother and grandmother! In other words, there should be SHAME when we cross a moral or spiritual line. Cosby argued that modern society is making excuses for immoral behavior. A deadbeat dad should feel ashamed! An unwed mother should feel ashamed! Why? Because they have broken a higher law!

Sadly, many of today’s modern and more “liberal” churches preach an overwhelmingly humanistic view of sin. “Nobody’s perfect.” It is time for the people of God to rise up and admit that, while nobody on Earth is perfect, a lack of much desire to purify ourselves as a spotless bride is incredibly shameful! Today, we have a Church – the bride of Christ – who is NOT making herself ready and justifying it anyway!

I am praying for our dear brother. I cannot pretend to imagine his pain. This hurts me deeply, particularly since it hits close to home. However, I know from the Word just what the will of God is in this situation. God does not want for this divorce to happen. God wants this woman’s heart to be turned back to her husband. She cannot treat her marriage covenant with contempt or insignificance. There are eternal consequences involved here. This bride might not fully understand the impact that her decision will have on her life!

I know that the Lord understands our brother’s pain. Our Lord came unto his own…and his own received him not. Jesus understands what is like to be rejected. His chosen bride, the nation of Israel, rejected him upon his arrival. In fact, the entire world forsook him as he hung from a tree. Yet the overwhelming love of God was so strong that he was willing to suffer this – for the joy that was set before him (Hebrews 12). I pray that our brother’s joy may be made complete in the future. I pray that the heart of his bride may be rekindled…and that she no longer gives an ear to the “easy way out” thoughts or advice that she hears or considers. I pray that this marriage may be restored in the manner in which God desires.

Brother, I am praying for you. My wife is visiting one of her sister’s tonight (helping set up her classroom). I miss her greatly. I called her earlier to ask her to pray for you. She and her sister are praying tonight. Dear brother, be encouraged. May your heart remain broken in all of this…because this is the type of heart that the Lord will not despise. When you have a moment, please remember my sister and her husband too. My brother-in-law is experiencing this same heart-wrenching agony. Yet he is comforted in the fact that God is with him – understanding every hurt.

May our Lord lovingly soothe your heart with the oil of his grace heart even now! Continue to love your wife -- and show her this love -- even as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for us. Reveal your love to her through a poem, song, flowers, etc... -- with the holy passion of Solomon for the Shulamite woman! Demonstrate your undying love for her -- and remind her of the love that caused her to say "I do."

:-)

Praying

Thank you brother, it is amazing that my wife too has women around her that "support" her. The y tell her things like, "sometimes things just don't work out", or "a divorce can actually be a blessing in disguise".

No I am not perfect, but I rejoice in One who is. He brought us together, and honestly only He can take us apart.I have seen His hand in differing ways in this, I have seen Him provide for us so wonderfully through our marriage.

But I do see that the stage is set for His glory alone to be the reason that this works.

I love my wife, even in the midst of her troubles just as Christ loving guides us and tends our wounds in ours.

It is painful at times, but I realize that the creature had taken the place where only my Creator should occupy. In His wonderful love, He has chastened me. As the Psalmist says, "before I was afflicted, I went astray."

I have realized that it is one thing to say that God is sovereign, it is quite another to actually live in the light of that from moment to moment. To see with the eyes of faith where no one else sees anything but death and failure.

But to God be glory and honor because He truly is worthy of all.

I will pray for your sister and her brother-in-law as it is an eerily similar situation. Check you PM brother as I have a question to ask that may help your brother-in-law in this.

Brother Chris,

I am sorry to hear about your sister. Divorce is highly destructive and has far reaching consequences that adversely affects generations to come. It is one of Satan's favorite tools for chaos and destruction.

If what our brother said is true, then he IS right and she IS wrong. This “dividing line” is drawn in the Word of God. There is no scriptural defense for this woman’s behavior.

If this is only about being right - then yes, Patrick is right - and his wife is wrong. But this is not about who is right and who is wrong - it is about their relationship and the survival of their marriage. How does Christ treat you when you are wrong? Does He rub it in your face? If He did, how long would you be faithful to Him?

Christ leads His sheep - He does not drive them.

Hi HeartSong...

If this is only about being right - then yes, Patrick is right - and his wife is wrong. But this is not about who is right and who is wrong - it is about their relationship and the survival of their marriage. How does Christ treat you when you are wrong? Does He rub it in your face? If He did, how long would you be faithful to Him?

How does Christ treat me when I am wrong? First of all -- he reveals it to me! The problem in certain cases like these is that a believer might try to fool themselves into believing that they are justified in their conduct. This is the case with my sister. She either tries to drop the subject...or attempts to justify her actions with worldly wisdom. The problem is that she doesn't think that there is a problem. She doesn't think that there is anything wrong. Hence, she doesn't think that she needs to be shown that there might be a problem.

Does that make sense?

In my sister's case, this might make more sense if she had been physically or emotionally abused, ignored or mistreated...or if her husband was guilty of sexual immorality. However, both my sister and her husband have stated otherwise. In fact, my sister's entire verbal rationale behind leaving her husband is based upon her claim that she recently realized that she no longer loves him (and unsure whether or not she ever truly loved him)...and because of this, she doesn't think that she can "get along" with him anymore. My sister is now guilty of carrying on a relationship with another man -- while she is still married! The worse thing is that my sister wants to believe that all is well -- acting like this is not really a "big deal."

From what our brother has told us, this mirrors my sister's situation (minus the extra-marital relationship). How do we let individuals who think that "all is well" realize that all is not well? This is the state of the world.

Christ leads His sheep - He does not drive them.

I just lament that there is so much willful ignorance in regard to many saints today! I spoke with a friend the other day who attends a large mega-church. This brother told me that the reason he attends is because it makes him "feel good" and that the Church is "not intrusive." There is never any mention of righteousness or holy living. In fact, that same church has a weekly message on "Faith in the Movies" in which they reveal "spiritual" anecdotes from popular films. Last week, the pastor supposedly preached an entire sermon about the "noble elements" of The Dark Knight.

Now, I think that it is clear from my posts that I don't recommend for our brother to be rude to his wife. However, someone needs to point out the truth. Her entire future is at stake! I would truly recommend that our brother choose to "win her over" through his own conduct. I think that it would be helpful to demonstrate his love to her.

I certainly don't know all of the elements involved in our brother's situation. As such, I wouldn't pretend to offer him "concrete" advice in this matter. But I also think that we need to be careful about assuming that our brother is at fault in this marriage (or the cause of this woman's decision to seek a divorce). Sometimes, a believer can do nearly everything right -- and still go through something as painful as this.

All that I can offer is my prayers.

Miccah wrote:

MrBillPro wrote:

Wow! if she said that you might be better off with a divorce, how can anyone stay married to someone that don't love them? just wondering.

MrBillPro,

I love you, but this has to be the worst council I have heard on SI in the last 6 months. This is nothing less then wicked council and has flesh written all over it.

I really think a lot more was read into what I said than what I meant, I really should have expected this and thought my words out a little better. Let me tell you folks something,I saw my best friend literally die from health complications from a marriage he stayed in with a wife that did not love him but he love her very much, so I hope you might understand a little better why I have the attitude I do here. Until you have been in my shoes and lost your best friend of over 40 years please hold off on the worst counsel words.

However, someone needs to point out the truth. Her entire future is at stake!

There is an underlying problem - a condition of the heart that needs to be corrected before restitution can take place. All of the focus is on actions and reactions, which is obscuring the identification of the underlying problem.

We are all constantly sinning - doing things wrong, wrong, wrong - but God doesn't focus on our sins - He focuses on our heart - on the underlying problem. It is only by His love that we are healed. It is Satan that takes the law and continually throws it in our faces. Discipline without love only drives it's object deeper into sin.

Brother Patrick, you are saying all of the right words, but there is a "tone" that comes through that I can only describe as "cocky." A "tone" that is so strong that it makes me wish that I had not prayed for you. The same thing happened the last time that I prayed for you and your wife. This is a horrible feeling that makes me want to flee from this thread - but for some reason God wants me here.

Your focus is on your wife's wrongs, which is keeping you from identifying you own. You must get your own heart right with God before you have any hope of letting Him use you the heal hers.

Pray, Brother Patrick - pray. Pray for God to show you the condition of your heart.

Sister Heartsong,

I do believe I have confessed my wrongs to my wife, specific instances that the Lord has brought up that I needed to address.

I cannot go into too many details, but this now has to do with things that happened to my wife in the past.

She is running from things she doesn't understand, all she knows is that something is wrong inside of her. I cannot fix this, nor can I do anything but love and pray for her.

I have confessed my disrespect, my own fear and mistrust of her(which was based in things that happened in my past). I have done all the things the Lord has told me to.

My wife is even using Scripture to back up what she is doing. She uses the passage from James, "mercy triumphs over judgment", and 1 Corinthians 10:13 as proof texts to let her leave.

Yesterday when she came over to our house, she was wearing her wedding ring, and she cannot give a reason for the divorce. Her decision is costing her her involvement with the college ministry she was involved in, and yesterday, she was angry with me because she is living at her mom's house, which was in fact her decision.

I am willing to do whatever it takes for this to work, and in short, I am focused on the Lord, and Him showing me the things I have indeed done wrong.

Hi HeartSong…

Maybe I missed something here. Do you know this woman? Do you know our brother? Do you know this situation? Because I can’t seem to “detect” the same things that you are “detecting.” Besides, it is a difficult thing to "read between the lines" when many of us are not skilled at placing all of our thoughts and emotions into words in a public forum.

I know that you mean well…but don’t you think that you might be “reading between the lines” here? Whereas you are detecting a “cocky” attitude from all of this, I am looking at the situation. Our brother is hurting deeply because his wife wants to divorce him. She has no Scriptural reason to do so. Yet she is trying to justify her plans via the Word…even though the Word of God forbids such a thing.

Yes, our brother needs to continue to love his wife…and pour out this love to her through demonstration. However, Robert’s wife needs to come to a realization (if she hasn’t already) that reveals to her the lasting severity of her decisions. It isn’t like she simply wants to go away for a weekend and return. This woman wants to justify a “forever” divorce. How do you get through to her?

I don’t think that our brother is focusing on his wife’s “wrongs” from the past. I imagine that he realizes those things…but I don’t see much written about them. Rather, I think that he is most concerned about her impending decision to divorce her husband – for no apparent scriptural reason (other than a claim that she no longer [or never really] loved him). No offense, but I have heard similar “love them and let them make up their own minds” type of relationship philosophy with parents who don’t want to “force” the Gospel upon their children. IT DOESN’T WORK! Unless someone realizes or acknowledges such error, they will continue to walk in it.

Now, I realize that there is “another side to every story told.” However, I don’t think than any of us (save Robert) knows the black-and-white truth of this matter. Our brother is simply asking for prayer in this situation. He doesn’t want for his wife to leave him, divorce him and then feel as though she is spiritually justified. But the bottom line is that he doesn’t want his wife to leave and divorce him.

So what advice do we give in this situation? I think that it would be good to advise our brother to maintain a humble and broken attitude. However, we need to be careful about telling a hurting man that we detect “cockiness” in the words of his posts. We need to be careful about stating that we “wish I had not prayed for you.” If you want to detect something “cocky” – read the words of your post! They make me cringe…and I am not the one in the situation. But I hurt for our brother…deeply.

Why did I bring up my sister’s situation? Because there are a group of women who immediately think that her husband must be at fault for their impending divorce. They think that he must have done something that would cause my sister to leave him. Why else would she leave?!?

She left because of a worldly mindset. She has a group of carnal “Christian” women around her who are telling her the things that her itching ears want to hear. She believes that she is spiritually justified in leaving (and ultimately, divorcing) her husband. She even hopes to get remarried in the near future! She claims that she has realized (ten years later) that she “never really loved” her husband. Yet she entered into a covenant before God and man in which she pledged a union “[i]til death do we part[/i].” Sadly, those words no longer hold value to her.

I have been pouring my heart before the Lord in regard to my sister’s situation. I want to show her love. She is my sister…and I love her deeply. I don’t want to offend her for the sake of offending her. I don’t want for her to feel “rejected” by her family. But I would be a terrible brother if I simply ignored the facts surrounding her situation! She needs to wake up to the realization that she is making a terrible mistake! Otherwise, how would this mistake be avoided?

I am praying for brother Robert’s wife. I pray that she realizes, accepts and appreciates the great love that God has bestowed upon her! I also hope that she realizes that DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION! She has no scriptural justification for such a thing…and I pray that she breaks company with any “friends” (or God forbid, “pastors” and “counselors”) who try to make light or justify such a decision.

Our brother is in a terrible predicament. I cannot imagine the deep hurt that must eat him apart inside! However, I am hurting for my sister and my brother-in-law. My wife, my mother and I just spent a few days at their home last week (my brother-in-law is staying there while my sister obtained an apartment). While I was there, my sister was “too busy” to visit with us (even though she knows that my wife and I will be relocating to California within a month or so). Yet while I was there, she drove to Austin (a four hour drive) to visit with her new “boyfriend.” She wants to have a divorce finalized within two months.

My wife is convinced that the only way to get through to her is to be completely and utterly honest with her. Of course, any such honesty can only be presented with pure love. But that is the entire basis for our honesty! We can’t stomach to watch her throw her life and future away all because of some silly sort of worldly wisdom. I have written very kind emails that explained what I find in the Word of God regarding her decisions. I’m not sure that she even reads them, because she never replies. She works as an admission counselor in a college in the Dallas metroplex, and told me that she doesn’t like to use her official email for personal use. Yet she continues to forward “Christian” emails to me and everyone else on her email list. It is extremely disheartening.

How do we get through to people like this? Of course, it takes the power of God! But what if someone loses their respect for any sort of instruction from the Word – preferring the advice from other “Christians” who rely on worldly wisdom? Lately, my mother has shed a lot of tears regarding this matter. We were certainly not raised this way! I’ve tried to make it clear to my own wife that this is far outside our “norm” and that I would never consider such a thing!

My wife continues to desire writing a letter to my sister. While he was away at college, my wife’s oldest brother went through a situation in which he had an ungodly relationship (living with a woman). My wife and her sisters told him “how the cows eat the cabbage” (so to speak) by bluntly telling him the truth. They told him that he had rejected God in order to live an immoral life with “one of Satan’s children.” They let him know that he was on the road to Hell…and that the blood of his girlfriend and those friends and family members who looked up to him was on his hands. His girlfriend literally kicked my wife and her sister’s out of their apartment. Within six weeks, however, he repented of his relationship and the immorality. He is now married and is a strong believer.

Sometimes, our love is demonstrated by revelation of the truth. While it may not be pleasant to the ears, most people are intelligent enough to know when something is spoken out of disgust, desperation or out of pure love. I pray that my sister and brother Robert’s wife can come to such an understanding. I pray that God reveals himself to them…and the terrible decisions that they are making. But we must give them and these situations to Christ. When we have done all that we know to do, we must step aside and let God have his perfect way. I just pray that they do not reject the Word of Truth in order to prefer a lie.

:-(

HeartSong wrote:

We are all constantly sinning - doing things wrong, wrong, wrong - but God doesn't focus on our sins - He focuses on our heart - on the underlying problem. It is only by His love that we are healed. It is Satan that takes the law and continually throws it in our faces. Discipline without love only drives it's object deeper into sin.

Brother Patrick, you are saying all of the right words, but there is a "tone" that comes through that I can only describe as "cocky." A "tone" that is so strong that it makes me wish that I had not prayed for you. The same thing happened the last time that I prayed for you and your wife. This is a horrible feeling that makes me want to flee from this thread - but for some reason God wants me here.

Your focus is on your wife's wrongs, which is keeping you from identifying you own. You must get your own heart right with God before you have any hope of letting Him use you the heal hers.

Just looking in on this thread and found this on a post from someone who is suppose to be a sister.

Seems like a good place for the scripture on women to be silent and to ask their husbands at home unless single then maybe their pastor.

Brother roaringlamb God knows your heart and your honesty to Him will help your situation. As you place yours and your wife's future in God's care and willingly allow God to work He can restore your marriage.

Praying my brother!

Seems like a good place for the scripture on women to be silent and to ask their husbands at home unless single then maybe their pastor.

I wish to cause no harm here - I hate divorce.

My ...

Brother Patrick, you are saying all of the right words, but there is a "tone" that comes through that I can only describe as "cocky." A "tone" that is so strong that it makes me wish that I had not prayed for you. The same thing happened the last time that I prayed for you and your wife. This is a horrible feeling that makes me want to flee from this thread - but for some reason God wants me here.

I hate to even draw attention to this at the expense of what our brother is presently going through. Attempting to read into matters things like this and others that have chimed in with advice\\opinion ... It is very, very poor. It has always been something of a struggle here for this to be a place of counsel in tremendously difficult situations. The reason being is manifold but without all the particulars, without both sides of the equation we apt to be sticking our noses where they do not belong. It becomes sheer speculation based on limited information and the tide turns away from the ones affected and afflicted to having to correct each others misconceptions.

I have my own experience and present difficulties in this realm but am not about to put them as comparable - Be careful with your advice and your assumptions, better to hold our tongues then to add injury. Interesting is it not that our thoughts supersede our lips ... it is akin to being Job's friends and ultimately bypassing the man who fell among thieves.

Brother, my prayers for you both.

I knew these words would make me look bad - and I did not want to say them, but they are what was upon my heart, and the Lord wanted them said - and so they have be said, and will remain forever so.

Here is a blog that I have started. This is something that I thought was to be kept hidden - something for people to stumble upon, but the Lord would have it to be brought forward.

I pray that it will shed some light into some darkened lives.

www.bethanyhome7.blogspot.com

I love you all my brothers and sisters.

Dear sis,

Your blog saddened me greatly, all but reminded me of my own "self"-upbringing..perhaps worse than..

The good news is and will be, our Christ. How many times I asked God, why put me in such a family, why gave me such parents, why couldn't I grow up in a "holy" family, only if...

I then hear how HE answered Job. Providence. The good, the bad, and the ugly, who am I to question HIS sovereign will? No less, all that pain, indeed, too much pain, tears, all too much tears...need to stop now...all that's coming back.

NO question in my mind, Christian parents who have children, at least till they reach past 20 must try the hardest to stay together, divorce is SOOOOOOO destructive to children, the lifelong pain from it injects deep into their souls, not to mention their spirits.

Heartsong, continue to love Him, embrace Him, trust Him....most of all...let go of the past...ALL of it..and move towards the " prize of the high calling.." I praise GOd to see Him caring and loving you so closely.

Humbly yours, sis

Asking for more prayer, it is getting darker.

Pray that our Lord would grant wisdom and revelation into this matter.

All of our hearts ache for you and your wife. We all have done things blindly. Sigh. How great the pain of God who sees all, hears every single cry of the heart. What a mess we so easily make in this world. Me too. Oh for wide open eyes. I am praying as you asked.

Some thoughts today: God hates divorce for reasons we can even see on this thread, among dear brothers and sisters. Divorce does not separate us (parents, children, or siblings) from the Love of God. I see many ways that it is not even possible to get a divorce. Certain relationships are forged forever. This is true even for unbelievers

HeartSong: I can see the love and work of God in your life. He continues to give us freedom and release. Courage is wonderful in His hands.

God bless all His servants
Made for [b][color=FF0000]H[/color][/b]is pleasure
Joan

Asking for more prayer, it is getting darker.

I have been praying for you brother. Hold onto Him.

I have been praying for you brother. Hold onto Him.

Sister heartsong,

I thank you for your words and involvement in this, and especially for your prayers.

Your signature has been a verse that the Lord has repeatedly brought me to in this season.

I must wait on the Lord, and understand that this is a season. It is not forever, but only a brief moment in which my Father wishes to teach me, sanctify me, and make me a loving and compassionate husband.

Please do pray for my beloved wife, I know that she is scared and seemingly making many decisions based on emotions. She desperately needs to find her security in Christ and know His love for her.

I have not always modeled this in the best ways, but I do trust that He is merciful and gracious, and I long for the Sun of righteousness to rise with healing in His wings.

Please do pray for my beloved wife, I know that she is scared and seemingly making many decisions based on emotions. She desperately needs to find her security in Christ and know His love for her.

I have been praying for your wife also - her heart must be very sad in all of this. She can find His love through you. Have you read the Song of Solomon to her lately?

Have you read the Song of Solomon to her lately?

I tried time and time again to read Scripture to her before we went to sleep, but she did not like my voice(her words).

I think it was more that I was hypocritical in many areas in my life a the time. Or it was that I did not agree with the things that were going on at her church.

Yes, you must be pure before His words can flow through you unimpeded. Any animosity you have will be shown in your words and will block whatever it is that He would say. Did you pray before you read Scripture?

Yes, you must be pure before His words can flow through you unimpeded

Sister, while I appreciate your words, if this indeed were the case, all of us would be in BIG trouble.

The word is empowered by the Spirit not man.

Yes we would pray, yes I have done all I was asked to do(not perfectly). But God has a way of letting all human arms fail so that He alone is the Arm that raises from death to life.

This is far from over, and I truly believe that this sickness is not unto death, but that God would be glorified, and that the Son of God would receive glory.

Through him we have also obtained access by faith[1] into this grace in which we stand, and we[2] rejoice[3] in hope of the glory of God.
Rom 5

More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. rom 5:11

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.rom 12

If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

may in the deepest sorrow may he be your joy,
May you run to him and may he give you hope
trust in the Lord, he is faithful and will give unto those who ask. Go quickly to his feet embrace his holy word, let guide you and help in all your steps. may his words be your light your hope.

“Oh that I might have my request, and that God would fulfill my hope, job 6:8

Behold, the hope of a man is false; he is laid low even at the sight of him. job 41:9

11 Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

12 But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.

The Prayer of Faith
13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. [2] 17 Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. 18 Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.

19 My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, 20 let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

Be encouraged God is at work, may your hope be in who God is and who you are in Him and not what is happenein, trust in Him.

Charlene

Be encouraged God is at work, may your hope be in who God is and who you are in Him and not what is happening, trust in Him.

Dear sister, thank you for your words.

God is working. My wife has been checked and blocked in her attempts to make an appointment with a mediator(the mediator could not take us), and the company my wife called about purchasing our home said that they would not as the market is horrible right now.

God is hedging up her way with thorns it seems.

Please keep praying, as this is the best and only way for this to be reconciled.

Wondering if everyone could pray for my wife tonight at 7 P.M.(Pacific time).

She will be meeting with the counselor, and it would be wonderful if God would give the counselor wisdom to help my wife address the things she is wrestling with.

Thank you all so much!

Praying right now.

Be encouraged, dear brother!

:-)

Praying brother

HeartSong,

Would you please back off a tad bit? This fellow is hurting. He needs all the prayers, comfort and love from God's people he can get.

We are in our 41st year of marriage and I promise you that neither one of us ever did everything just exactly right. My DH still gets annoyed sometimes and lets it be known (as do I, as well) but do I for one minute doubt his love, his commitment to me? NO! It takes grace to be married. One must have an unforgiving mentality operating at all times. And some require drastic measures, depending on the offense. Why am I saying this? Rejection hurts and this brother is hurting, so please let us not worsen it, OK?

Blessings,
ginnyrose

Hi ginnyrose,

What I said to Patrick was in love - I think he knows that - or at least I hope he does.

I have been continuing in prayer.

p.s. what is a DH?

Hi ginnyrose...

We are in our 41st year of marriage...

:-)

Brethren,

Our God was faithful to stop last week's events(no mediator, no realtors).

Now this week comes a new set of events for Him to deal with and for us to pray for-

1-My wife has scheduled an appointment with a Realtor on Wednesday of this week to discuss the sale of our home.

2-My wife has scheduled an appointment with a mediator on Thursday of this week.(I offered to go to a Christian mediator, but she rejected the idea).

So let us see what the Lord will do with these circumstances.

Thank you all for your prayers.

It takes grace to be married.

Ginnyrose, indeed, it does. Anything short of that grace just won't cut it.

Brother Patrick, will continue ask our Lord to grace you through all this.

Be still and be strong, in the power of His might.

In Christ love,
mamaluk

Just wanted to bump this up so people can pray for us.

Thank you again brothers and sisters.

Continuing in prayer, brother!

Thank you

Please pray for my wife. She told me yesterday that to bring up 1 Corinthians 6 and not going to court before unbelievers was [i]"philosophical questions about faith"[/i].

I am fearful for her.

Thank you for all of your prayers. The realtor came today and realized that we may not be able to sell our house until we talk to an attorney due to soil problems and retaining wall issues.

God has intervened yet again!

Please pray about the mediator appointment tomorrow, and for a change of heart in my wife.

Praying that through you God will melt her heart with the beauty and wonder of His grace.

Please pray for my wife, and for me.

She began the divorce proceedings today.

But I know that our God is good and is infinitely wise and powerful. So let's see what He does next.

Praying...right now.

How are things going , Patrick?
Pray that God is working things out for you.
He loves both of you.
God Bless
Nellie

Well, our God is good and He has been sustaining me. My wife has filed for divorce but we cannot sell our home.

We may have to go into litigation to work out the issue with the community in which we live, and that could take awhile.

Our finances are being drained as my wife desires to go to a mediator that charges $525 hr. for his services. I found a Christian mediator we could go to, but she refused.

All in all, our God reigns, and I hope and pray that He would see it good to renew my wife's heart, and that He would stop up her ears to the ungodly advice she continues to get from her unsaved family and friends.

Please continue to pray, God is not finished with this at all.

Friends I wanted to ask you all to pray for the the Lord to reveal Himself to my wife.

I do not know the state of her soul, and that deeply concerns me.

Brother Patrick,

There is a book called "God Calling" by A.J. Russell - the Lord has used it to pull me back many times when I have started to drift. Maybe it is something He might use with your wife - still it is through your love that He will draw her the most.

EDIT:
Are you willing to crawl a mile across busted bottles to save her soul?

Are you willing to crawl a mile across busted bottles to save her soul?

Yes

Brethren tomorrow(Wednesday) myself and five others will be fasting and praying for my wife and me.

If any of you are led, please feel free to join us.

Thank you all for your prayers.

count me in, dear brother

Me too.

Psalm 123

1 Unto thee lift I up mine eyes, O thou that dwellest in the heavens.

2 Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress; so our eyes wait upon the LORD our God, until that he have mercy upon us.

3 Have mercy upon us, O LORD, have mercy upon us: for we are exceedingly filled with contempt.

4 Our soul is exceedingly filled with the scorning of those that are at ease, and with the contempt of the proud.