On the Lighter Side

On the heel's of my 'stoogy 'ol booger's' comment's, thought I would start something on the 'lighter' side.Since what we discuss in these forums is of a serious nature and I would never intentionaly make light of the topics....There still is a joy of the Lord and I believe God has given us the gift of laughter. I find myself taking myself to seriously sometimes, so with that in mind....Humor us!Only let it be with the thought of "what is edifying".Here is a couple I borrowed from CT.Bumper Sticker TheologyLord, save me from your followers.Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket?"I don't question your exsistence."-GodForget world peace-visualize using your turn signal!

here's my favourite bumper sticker"if you haven't changed your mind recently, how do you know you still have one?"His/YoursRon B ;-)

My current bank has a sign by the counter which reads"coinage is only acceptable when presented in specific denominations"Whenever I see it I have a little chuckle and lift my heart in thanks to God that He doesn't work on the same basis!His/YoursRon B ;-)

Funny Thought!David Wilkerson preaching on TBN.PJ

Here's a couple I thought I would share;Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruthless. In Christ,Ron

Ravenhill had a very keen sense of humour. I have heard him preaching to American audiences who were sometimes a little slow on the uptake with his humour. I think it was always just bubbling under the surface. It is a particular kind of British humour which has its origin around Liverpool, and which is slightly surrealistic. I think he probably amused himself as much as his congregations.It was said of Spurgeon that he never went out of his way to tell a joke, or to avoid one! If you have read Spurgeon's lectures to his students you will know that he had an amazing sense of humour. His classes must have been helpless with laughter at times.Here's a Spurgeon legend; He was rebuked on one occasion by a fellow Christian who thought Spurgeon ought not to use his horses on 'the Sabbath'. (He lived some way from the Tabernacle). Spurgeon is reputed to have replied "These are Jewish horses, they rested yesterday!"

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?..Or am I in the wrong part of England?I think it was always just bubbling under the surface. It is a particular kind of British humour which has its origin around Liverpool, and which is slightly surrealistic. I think he probably amused himself as much as his congregations.Agreed, I wonder how many ever picked up on that...

HiYou are in the wrong part of England. Python was self-conscious surrealism, and always barbed. Liverpool humour is a recognition of the incongruous that lies just under the surface of ordinary life, and much more wholesome than Python. Python is anarchistic, Liverpool is irreverent. It is the humour equivalent of lateral thinking. Ravenhill saw double meanings in his own utterances, and sometimes interrupted himself with little asides which gave a wonderful insight into the humanity of the man, but didn't really progress his line of thought.Does anyone know which English country Ravenhill came from? Lancashire or Yorkshire I would guess.My home town was about 50 miles from Liverpool.

I just thought it was silly, silly walks, songs about Spam and Lumberjacks....but what do you expect from a Yankee?! :-P

HiI don't think most Brits have thought through the implications of Python humour either, but if you remember that it all culminated in "the life of Brian" it should have been sufficient warning for Christians. That film which was financed by George Harrison of the Beatles, a Hindu, Hari Krishna devotee, you will understand why it was one of the most aggressive blasphemies ever produced.Don't want to spoil your enjoyment of the 'silly walks' but there is something much more ominous in Python creations.

Understood.Kind of pulled those out of my past. Life of Brianwas so long ago (before I was a Christian) that if I were to see it now I am sure I would have a different opinion.Wasn't right to snatch a little quip I thought was funny without taking into account the nature of where it came from.I will edit that out.Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I need to be more cautious in thinking things through before I jump to post in an attempt to be "cute".Thanks for the correction.Proverbs 9:9Mike

Hi MikeBless you, but I hadn't intended my note to be any kind of criticism. There is a lovely verse which says 'to the pure all things are pure' and I would be reluctant to bring others into subjection to my own conscience. Its just that as our chatting is public I thought I would just mention it. There is, however, a cruel streak in Python and we do well keep it in mind.

And Bless you Ron!Didn't take it that way at all. I thought it was helpful, a good reminder...."a little leaven..._/crsschk\\_

Just out of interest - why exactly was the film blasphemous? Somewhat irreverent, extremely childish and vulgar to be sure, but I don't see the blasphemy in it. Brian was never supposed to be Jesus.....the whole point was that he was MISTAKEN for the Messiah. In fact, Brian was to be seen at one point in the crowd listening to Jesus preaching the sermon on the mount! I don't really want to start World War III on this account, but fail to see why Christians get so bent out of shape over things like this....particularly when they refuse to even watch it to give it a proper appraisal (e.g. Malcolm Muggeridge in the famous confrontation between him and the Python crew on TV).

I once heard of a church who consistently had a vibrant verse or insightful quote on their marquee near the street. One day it simply read, "Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."

One Sunday morning, a man and his wife were getting ready for church. The husband was sitting on the bed, looking rather glum, so his wife asked him what the matter was. "Well," he explained "I really don't feel like going to church." "Why's that, dear?" his wife asked. "It's all the people," he replied "they don't like me, and I don't like them. Can you give me one good reason why I should go?" " I can give you two." said his wife "For one, you're forty-five years old, and for the other, you're the pastor of the church." (Many a true word is spoken in jest!)

You all might enjoy this sites:Clean Humor

By Randall F. WestIssue #188, July/August 2003 Trini-tini-tarianism – Belief in a miniscule but three-personed God. Exebegesis – Textual interpretation that results in scaring the pants off you. Septuasquint – Vision deficit resulting from intense study of small-print version of the Septuagint. Septuagimp – Manuscript of O.T. in very lame Greek. Codex Sinusitis – Historically important New Testament manuscript that makes you sneeze. Hypocrypha – extra-canonical documents that pretend to be part of the apocrypha but aren't. Apocalips – The intensely pursed expression of readers of Left Behind books. Tell-e-all-ogy – The theological justification for sleazy unauthorized biographies. Penetetouche´ – A crushing rejoinder to arguments that Moses did not write the Penteteuch. More-pheology Theology – The study of the slippery changes of the prosperity doctrine. Trylemma – The crisis of conscience experienced by agnostics who try to respond to C.S. Lewis' "Lord, liar or lunatic" argument. Eh-scatology – Ho-hum exposition of the end times. Christodgily – Dry, academic discussion of the various manifestations of Christ. Form Criticism – What liberal theologians engage in when they go on Spring Break. Intarnation – Ontological epithet often inserted into the sentence "What…are you doing?" Propitchiation – A testimony of faith given by professional baseball players. Par-wooz-sia – State of mental fuzziness induced by overlong fasting while reading the book of Revelation. Par-ooz-sia – A divine appearance bringing about the end of the world in a slow, icky way. Par-oops-sia – Heresy propounded by some writers who forgot where to look for the book of the Revelation. KerygMama – A dynamic woman preacher (see also: Franklin, Aretha). Kantikle of Kanticles – Seldom-sung love song based on Immanuel Kant's Critique of Pure Reason. Synaptic Gospels – Fast paced cyber-version of the Gospels edited by Keanu Reeves and the cast of The Matrix. Features amazing special effects, including the Apostle Paul evangelizing faster than humanly possible. Dyslexic Gospels – Version that only makes sense read backwards. Pteredactor – A theological dinosaur known for biting large holes in the text.Taken from "thedoormagazine.com" In Christ,Jeremy Hulsey

Discipleonthemove.Can you watch the scene of the crucifixion where the Eternal Son of God became poor for us in His separation from God and listen to Brian singing 'always look on the bright side of life' and still ask this question?Did you know that it was financed by George Harrison? A member of a famous group who once infamously boasted that they were more popular than Jesus.

One day down in Jackson, Alabama, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner, Bubba, tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black Lab just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.... "The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks Bubba what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" "He's a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff"

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from men of God, a rival florist across town declared the competition unfair and asked the good fathers to close down. They refused. He begged them to close. They ignored him. In an act of desperation the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He ate very little which made him frail. And, his diet was odd which caused him to suffer from bad breath. In sum, the combination made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis." And just in time for Christmas... A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse because chessnuts boasting in an open foyer was prohibited.

Now I thought the English were supposed to be the world's worst punners.Here is a variant on the supercalifragilistic theme from the world of soccer:In February 2000 part-timers Inverness Caledonian Thistle dumped Celtic (pronounced Seltic) out of the Scottish Cup with a thumping 3-1 victory. One the the UK's famous tabloid newspaper sub-editors came up with the headline...Super Cale go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious

The dog came into the room doing a tap-dance. He paused, sang a few songs and then did some political impersonations."Your dog is amazing" said a watcher "he ought to be in films""You talk to him" said the owner, "he wants to be dentist"BTW crsschk, is there a deep significance in your choice of Calvin's nemesis for your avatar?

(Copied from the "Ooops"...post)Funny you should ask, had this stored away in my files. For those not familiar this would be in regards to the greatest cartoon strip ever produced, Calvin and Hobbes. No longer in print.I had intended to post this mainly because of the popularity of the Hobbes avatar, some interesting tidbits from it's creator, Bill Watterson:Calvin - Calvin is named for a sixteenth-century theologian who believed in predestination. Most people assume that Calvin is based on a son of mine, or based on detailed memories of my own childhood. In fact, I don't have children, and I was a fairly quiet, obedient kid--almost Calvin's opposite. One of the reasons that Calvin's character is fun to write is that I often don't agree with him.Hobbes - Named after a seventeenth-century philosopher with a dim view of human nature, Hobbes has the patient dignity and common sense of most animals I've met. Hobbes was very much inspired by one of our cats, a gray tabby named Sprite. Sprite not only provided the long body and facial characteristics for Hobbes, she also was the model for his personality. She was good-natured, intelligent, friendly, and enthusiastic in a sneaking-up-and-pouncing sort of way. Sprite suggested the idea of Hobbes greeting Calvin at the door in midair at high velocity.Miss Wormwood - As a few readers guessed, Miss Wormwood is named after the apprentice devil in C. S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters. I have a lot of sympathy for Miss Wormwood. We see hints that she's waiting to retire, that she smokes too much, and that she takes a lot of medication. I think she seriously believes in the value of education, so needless to say, she's an unhappy person.More @http://www.reemst.com/calvin_and_hobbes/?page=castTo answer your original question; is there a deep significance in your choice of Calvin's nemesis for your avatar?Well, Hobbes would do anything for a tummy rub.....QuotesCalvin - Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.----------------Calvin - It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.----------------Calvin - What's it like to fall in love?Hobbes - Well... Say the object of your affection walks by...Calvin - Yeah?Hobbes - First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain, and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and youbabble like a cretin until she leaves.Calvin - That's love?!?Hobbes - Medically speaking.Calvin - Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!-----------------Hobbes - Do you think there's a God?Calvin - Well somebody's out to get me!-----------------http://www.reemst.com/calvin_and_hobbes/?page=quotes

GregBrilliant. is this your work?

Here's a couple of more:A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?"The son replied, "I do know!""Okay, said his father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?""That's easy, Daddy. It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

I thought you folk over the waters might be interested to know that the number 1 read in the UK in the week preceeding Christmas is a book on punctuation. Its entitled "eats, shoots and leaves"That probably confirms all you have ever thought about us. And just to confirm your worst nightmares I have a copy and am swotting up ready for the New Year forums. :-D

Ron,That sounds a lot better than the Gregorian Chants, that I was going to SHARE with YOU, this Holiday Season. :-D Clutch :-P

Hi Ron,For someone who has mastered the art of butchering the English language, this might be a healing balm I could use!Reminds me of a quote that I heard Chuck Swindoll relate on a twist of Eph 4:28, something to the effect of: "Let him who stole steal, no longer let him labor, working with his hands..."

I just found out something interesting!You know how geese always fly in a "V" shape- and one line of the 'V" is always longer than the other? Do you know why one line is always longer???????Because there's more geese in that line! :-) This is my Dad's humor. Pretty strange but funny in a weird sort of way. :-o

Here's another one for 'moreofHim's Dad"do you know why flamingos always stand on one leg?"***********************************************because if they lift that leg up they fall on their faces.

One of our number has begun to use baseball terms as illustrations. Personally I have avoided using cricketin metaphors so as not to confuse the colonials. However, in case I do have to revert to cricketing illustrations I thought a simple explanation of the game might help a little. Its not really very complicatedYou have two sides one out in the field and one in.Each man that's in the side that goes in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.When both sides have been in and out including not outs, that's the end of the game.I hope that makes things a little clearer, Clutch. :-D

so as not to confuse the colonialsWell, this help's! :-? Next up, an explanation of 'offside's' in Hockey...

FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY: 8:00 am. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!10:30 a.m Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!11:30 a.m Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite! FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

I'm allowed to post this because I AM blond. :-D Two young blonde women are sitting at a table in a coffe shoppe in such an obviously celebratory mood that a man drifts over intending to offer to buy them a coffee. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!" Smiling, the man says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?" Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!" :-) ~Chanin

LETTER FROM A FARM KID . . . . NOW AT SAN DIEGO MARINE CORPS, RECRUIT DEPOT Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. He thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6'' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8'' and weighs near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in. Your loving daughter, Gail

That's really good!I have to send this to my Pa...Thanks Chanin :-D

Baptist Dog ------------------- A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded the dog. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "Heel!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "My goodness! He's Pentecostal!" :-D

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always was to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." So the Pastor questioned, "Then how come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the Secret Service."

He pointed his finger at the dog. "Heel!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "My goodness! He's Pentecostal!" :-D :-D That was a good one! Very graphic, if I may say so. (Just picture the dog howling... :-D For your information, I am Pentecostal by origin myself...)

Alright, Greg put me up to this...From a message I had sent him yesterday:"Building a new 'loft' for the kitty over my 'new/old' monitor, she is rather perturbed about this recent development since her old loft was flat and kept her precious fur nice and warm. The new one is of a rather uncomfortable configuration so with the go ahead from the building department and proper permits I can resolve this problem and make sure the princess is content and comfortable, otherwise there will be ...to pay! LOL"It is now complete and she is beyond content in her new suite. It even has holes in it to give it just the right comfort level.Good grief...She has more names than I can number and are always evolving into something different. Officially it was 'Wolfe' (Followed us home on Halloween) then changed again to 'Josie'. I call her 'boozser','knucklehead', 'Kitty Monster', 'Pretty women'...She is without a doubt the epitomy of a sinner, though I think she is saved. Fun and sweet and act's like an overgrown kitten. But also either the worlds greatest hunter or the vermin and birds around here are really deficient in their development, in other words slow. I mean she's a white cat, how much of a dead give away is that? :-) She truly has brought us an incredible amount of joy and love, a gift from the Lord, without a doubt. She is "Daddy's girl". (No matter what anyone else says)Pictures to follow...

Thank you for posting this. It is so appropriate at this time for me. Sometimes our minds imagine much more than what is reality- especially for us blondes. :-) In Him, Chanin

Brilliant :lol:

This punchline works better I think.The pastor says " O no I've bought a Pentecollie"Maybe ?

A serious thread brought this old story to mind...the preacher had bought the horse of a pentecostal pastor. "you'll be fine" said the pastor "I trained him to obey voice commands. If you shout 'Hallelujah', he will go like the wind, but if you shout 'Praise the Lord' he will stop on a button."The preacher rode away and decided to test his new horse. "Hallelujah" he cried and the horse went like the wind... He galloped for a mile and realized he was heading towards a precipice. The preacher learned back and pulled hard on the reins. "whoa" he shouted "stop, whoa." The horse ignored him and hurtled towards the cliff edge. Suddenly the preacher remembered..."Praise the Lord" he cried and the horse skidded to a halt right on the edge of the drop."Wow, just in the nick of time" cried the preacher, "Hallelujah!"