thoughts????Edit: thanks to everyone, I'm going home wanted to say BYE!

Hi
I wonder if some of you sisters in Christ might have some thoughts you are willing to share with myself and a very close friend of mine, Janie. Here is the situation, my friend is 42 and she is married to a man who has been given a blessing to look very young. Even though they are the same age he looks like he is still in his early twenties. Janie's hair has started to turn gray and well she is in all honesty starting to show her years more(her words:-) She was thinking about having her hair lightened or colored to cover over the gray because now when ever she and her husband go out people have actually asked if she is his mom. She has had this happen several times in the last few weeks where strangers have referred to her as her husbands mother. Now I am thinking that she needs to be careful of not letting vanity be the reason she decides to color her hair if she chooses to, but at the same time I know it is embarrassing for her to have people always commenting to her about her son when it is actually her husband she is with. So is there any Biblical reason that she should not do this, if it is done in the right heart? I know she just really does not want to draw attention to herself when they are out together.

thanks for your thoughts on this
Your little sis in Him

Hi
I should have mentioned that her husband does not have an opinion really either way. He said he is fine if she wants to color her hair, but he does not have a problem with her gray hair either. He does understand though that it causes his wife to feel embarrassed every time people ask about him being her son. He is pretty understanding about her feelings I think. The real question is that some others that she knows have said that coloring ones hair is the same as wearing makeup and should not be done. Janie does not look like she is really old, she looks to me like her age a women in her early forties, its just really that her husband looks young. Even when he goes out with his oldest son people ask if they are brothers so its not just her. I don't think it would be wrong for her to color her hair but then I think wearing modest makeup for some reasons is ok too. She is a really gentle spirited lady who just wants to walk out what the Lord has for her in this. I think her heart is really one of not wanting to grieve God in any way.

Thanks
Your sis in Him

She is a really gentle spirited lady who just wants to walk out what the Lord has for her in this.

I really have difficulty understanding why she is embarrassed - does she fear man, or does she fear God? Why would one want to subject ones self to the wiles of the devil - for anytime we change ourselves for vanities sake, we take that risk - and her concern over what others think is vanity.

Hey Heart song

I guess it is hard to understand why she would feel embarrassed if your not walking in her shoes. I asked her why she felt so embarrassed and she said that its because she has to take the time to explain that her husband is not her son, that he is her husband in fact and then come the looks of your so much older you must be robbing the cradle(actually had one lady say that to her in a really disgusted manner) She has to explain how her and her husband are the same age just that he looks younger. She said she feels bad because people usually get embarrassed themselves and shy away from her after they learn that they called her husband her son. So I guess for her it has been a bit of a struggle. Your right though vanity can be an issue in these kinds of situations but I do not agree that is always the case. There are many times when I have known sisters in Christ who have changed their appearance as not to draw attention to themselves and there by taking the focus off of Christ. Some with medical issues and some with just wanting to change their bodies because they do not want to be stared at and the focus to be on them.

Thanks for your thoughts though, I will pass them along:-)

In Him

Do I think it is wrong for this lady to color her hair? The Scriptures do not say "thou shalt not color your hair", but what does the Holy Spirit teach this lady?

As a white haired lady who is married to a gray haired man, I suggest she embrace her gray hair! Make sure they stay clean and shiny and be tidy with her hair. Then I'll bet she will soon be right pleased with them! I used to detest white hair, pulling them out everytime I saw one: they sparkled like diamonds, I thought! Now I love it! Once you accept white hair, they assume an aura of distinction!

In reality, it seems to me she should respond to this with humor. Humor goes a long way to accept irresponsible remarks by thoughtless people. After all, most people's intention is not to offend: they just do not always consider how their remarks may effect a person. So, she might ask the LORD how she should respond to these comments and see what happens.

About the husband looking younger then the wife, that happens occasionally. So be it. One cannot hinder the effects of aging - we are all dying and some have it in their genes to show it younger. Nothing to be embarrassed about. This is nature. Character is what one can determine and is what one should be seriously concerned about.

My opinion...hope it helps,
ginnyrose

Hey Ginnyrose
I will pass this along to Janie. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your right about having a sense of humor through all this. I know Janie has joked it off in the past, I think it just recently began bothering her because in a short period of time she has had this situation come up. She said that she wished the gray hairs would come in more evenly at least, right now it is coming in at the sides of her head and she said it makes her look like Lily from the monsters(old television show, I guess not really sure)

Your right about our bodies as they get older they tend to show those effects. I know that my mom is always telling me that there is no fighting against it. Its a loosing battle. I do think it is harder for woman now then it once was though. So much importance is placed on youth and looking young. Lots of pressure out there even on young women my age.

Thanks tons for your thoughts:-)
in Him

wind_blows wrote:
Hi
I wonder if some of you sisters in Christ might have some thoughts you are willing to share with myself and a very close friend of mine, Janie.

So is there any Biblical reason that she should not do this, if it is done in the right heart? I know she just really does not want to draw attention to herself when they are out together.

thanks for your thoughts on this
Your little sis in Him

Besides, I color my hair so obviously, I don't have a problem with it! (Huge grin) I have dark brown and it is highlighted different colors of blond. I used to have it highlighted years ago as well but then my hair started turning gray rapidly THEN I decided to highlight it again! I am not highlighting my hair for a man or to get a man because I do not date. My hair color is for me and me alone.

Is it a shame or sin for something like this to give me joy? Obviously some think so but I do not.

The Lord knows her heart and if "she" wants to highlight or dye her hair, tell her there is one woman on here that said, "Go for it!" :-D

God bless!

I am sure that the Lord has things the way they are for a reason. Have your friend pray as ask the Lord to show her how this situation might be used for His glory.

Hey
I talked to my friend, she is grateful to you all for sharing your thoughts. As it turned out her husband has taken matters into his own hands and surprised her this evening by going and having his own hair done. He is now sporting his dark brown hair with subtle highlights of gray through out. She was very touched by his demonstration of love in doing that for her.He thought it would make him appear closer to his age of 42. I asked if he looked any older, she laughed and said no not really because he has such a baby face but she loves him all the more for trying.

Thanks to everyone
in Him

I have to add this observation from the book of Esther. I find it interesting that though she was subjected to the Persian beautification ritual, which, by the way, lasted 12 months!--"six months with oil of myrrh and six months with spices and the cosmetics for women"--Esther was a minimalist when it came time for her presentation to the king. Though "anything that she desired was given her to take with her from the haram to the king's palace," when her turn to go in to the king came, "she did not request anything except what Hegai, the king's eunuch who was in charge of the women, advised. And Esther found favor in the eyes of all who saw her."

Esther did not put her trust in outward ornamentation or cosmetics. She used moderation. This application might be a stretch. It goes without saying that a gentle and quiet spirit are the most beautiful feminine assets. I think a woman should let her natural beauty shine through, but a few tasteful, discreet enhancements are ok. I don't see scripture condemning that, though I respect that there are varying opinions on this subject.

see full account here: Esther 2:7-15

Something that the Lord has shown me, is that anytime we make "enhancements" to what the Lord has created there is a price to be paid. All of these enhancements are for the purposes of feeding our flesh and are adverse to the ways of God. While something may seem to be harmless, there are actually spiritual implications and ramifications that we can not see.

True beauty lies in that which the Lord has made - as He has made it.

Hi wind_blows...

Do you think that the root of this concern might be some personal insecurity? The Bible is filled with praise and respect for those with "gray" hair (such as in Proverbs 16:31 and Leviticus 19:32). However, we live in a society where people are tenaciously trying to hold on to an appearance of youth. Perhaps this is a result of the rebellion of the 1960s?

I have been told that I have a boyish look. In fact, I was "carded" when attempting to buy some paint a week ago (you need to be 18 to purchase it). My wife has mentioned the possibility that she will look "old" and I will look "young" in a few years. I told her, "[i]Well, then people will just have to think that I love a slightly older woman[/i]!" I suppose that such a fear is rooted in the precedent set by many men in America. I have assured my wife that -- when we are in our 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s -- I will love her as much as I have in our 20s.

I cannot imagine NOT being with my wife. I do my best to show this to her daily. I have already explained that my love for her is not based upon her looks...because her looks will one day change with time. Rather, she is "the other side of me." I look forward to talking with her when I get home. I look forward to walking with her along one of these secluded beaches along California's Highway 1 just as much as I long for physical intimacy. More than anything, I explain that I believe in the marriage covenant. I don't ever intend to break that covenant.

Now, I don't know this woman's motives for such a question. However, I might think that a good remedy for such fear might be to have her husband impress upon her the fact that his love is real...and "til death do they part." I would encourage any husband to do the same. I love to romance my wife...but not simply with flowers, physical touch and admiration for temporary beauty...but with an inner romance of two people truly becoming one.

Once my wife gets her first gray hair, I will cherish it. More importantly, I will go out of my way to show her that I cherish it. Well, I suppose that I should leave it at that. I am blushing just a bit.

:-)

HeartSong wrote:
Something that the Lord has shown me, is that anytime we make "enhancements" to what the Lord has created there is a price to be paid. All of these enhancements are for the purposes of feeding our flesh and are adverse to the ways of God. While something may seem to be harmless, there are actually spiritual implications and ramifications that we can not see.

True beauty lies in that which the Lord has made - as He has made it.

Hi HeartSong,

I'm not totally sure where I stand on the whole issue of makeup, etc. but I wanted to ask you a question. Do you think it's wrong to wear clothing made of colored cotton?

Hey
Just wanted to stop by and try to respond to the last few post. Heartsong you wrote:All of these enhancements are for the purposes of feeding our flesh and are adverse to the ways of God. While something may seem to be harmless, there are actually spiritual implications and ramifications that we can not see.
True beauty lies in that which the Lord has made - as He has made it.
____________

sis heartsong this is a blanket statement and I have to disagree with some of what you wrote here. There are many occasions where young men and women have done things for medical reasons to help with their appearance and it was not to just feed the flesh. I know of one young man whose face was terribly scared by acne. He said that every time he tried to share with people are speak to them about things of the Lord they were often distracted by his face that the conversation would always end up on him. He has since been able to use medicine and treatments to help bring this condition under control and finds that people are more willing to talk to him as he shares with them. I know of a young woman who has extreme allergies and this has caused her to have very dark cycles under her eyes. She has shared about how at times people have actually assumed that she was hit(black eye) or thought her to be very ill. Again she said the same things her appearance seemed to cause people to put the focus on her instead of what she was sharing with them. She now uses small amounts of cover up and light foundation to even out her skin tone and the raccoon eyes are no longer a problem. People no longer focus on her. These are just two examples of people who have used makeup or other things to help with changing their appearance not for flesh reasons but because they wanted people to focus on Jesus and not them.

Chris: thanks for what you shared about you and your wife. I don't know if you caught my last post about what Janie's husband did for her. He went out and had his hair colored with some gray so he would look more his age. I know she was very touched by his demonstration of love.

Thanks for the comments
Your sis in Him

I love to romance my wife...but not simply with flowers, physical touch and admiration for temporary beauty...but with an inner romance of two people truly becoming one.

I'm not totally sure where I stand on the whole issue of makeup, etc. but I wanted to ask you a question. Do you think it's wrong to wear clothing made of colored cotton?

wind_blows, as far as your friends with acne and dark circles - is it possible that the Lord had a ministry planned for them based on these things? That maybe there are souls that would be won by them not covering what they consider to be disfigurements? We tell people that God loves us as we are, and then we "cover up" that which He has made us to be. Our Lord does not make mistakes.

As I think about it, it is this very thing that draws us to Him - the fact that He loves us even though we are ugly.

hey heart song
The question you posed was a big what if sister. Neither you nor I can answer that question about if God had a certain ministry for them, all I can tell you is that both of these people have a real love for Jesus and desire to see His kingdom furthered.

You also said that we tell people that God loves them just as we are? Does He loves us as we are? I mean when you get down to it we are sinners and very wicked at heart, does God love that about me or you? IT is true He does love us, and we can't do anything to earn that love, but to say He loves us just as we are is not totally accurate either? Actually God loves us because of His son Jesus! If we are really honest he does not want us to stay as we are at all, He wants us to change to die to self and sin, to become a whole new creation in Christ Jesus.

Sis I want to be careful here in choosing my words because written communication can at times come across differently then the writer often intends it to. For example in reading over some of what you have shared here it almost sounds as if you are saying that someone is in sin if they prayerfully choose to alter their appearance. If that is how you feel, if the Lord convicts you on that, then you should walk in that. However I caution you to be careful not to lay condemnation down on others for not feeling the same conviction that you may have. Not saying that you are intentionally doing that but as I said sometimes the written word can be difficult to discern a persons heart and motive. I know that my two friends both prayed long and hard and sought out the wisdom of older mature members of the body before they took action in what they did.

Sis I came on and asked for opinions and you shared yours with me and for that i just want to say thanks, it takes courage and love to step forward and share with a stranger what you feel the Lord placing on your heart:-)

Have a great night, its been a joy hearing from you
Your sis in Him

I caution you to be careful not to lay condemnation down on others for not feeling the same conviction that you may have.

Thank you for bringing this issue forward as the Lord has used it to enlighten me even further on the subject.

That is neither my place or responsibility.

My message is:

We are ingesting poison for the sake of appearance.

Hey sis heartsong
your wrote:My message is:
We are ingesting poison for the sake of appearance.
__________________

Sis I am not sure what it is your trying to say in this? I am guessing that you feel convicted that wearing makeup or changing ones appearance in any way is like poison and therefore is sin in a believers life? Is that what you are trying to share here? I don't want to put words in your mouth so I just thought I should ask for clarification on this? Like I said it is difficult to know another persons heart from a forum post:-)

Your sis in Him

hey thingsabove

You wrote:I think the liberty in Christ would allow you to dye your hair. Hopefully your hubby will feel the same.
______

Actually I was asking this question for a friend, and her husband does not mind if she chooses to color her hair. Actually he surprised her and went out and had gray highlights added to his own hair so he would look more his age. He wanted to do this for her he said. He loves her very much.

Thanks for the reply
in Him

http://cosmeticsdatabase.com/wordsearch_free.php?hq=hair+color&go=go

Hey heart song
I saw the link you posted and I wanted to let you know that I checked it out. First let me just say thank you sis for having a heart that cares for others:-)

While I appreciate what you shared, there are a number of ways for someone to change the color of their hair and not use chemicals to do so. For instance, soy sauce applied to light brown or blond hair will darken over a period of a few weeks. Tea will do the same thing. Cranberry juice makes a really lovely red, and the acid in vinegar and lemon will make your hair lighter.(just in case anyone was curious:-)

Sis I thought we were talking about changing ones appearance as it pertains to our walk with the Lord so my bad for not picking up on what you were trying to say earlier. Again thanks for the info.

It is late and I am getting sleepy,
Your sis in Him

I posted this in another thread and even quoted the wrong person(!) but meant it for this one...

All of these enhancements are for the purposes of feeding our flesh and are adverse to the ways of God. While something may seem to be harmless, there are actually spiritual implications and ramifications that we can not see.
True beauty lies in that which the Lord has made - as He has made it.

Do you think that the root of this concern might be some personal insecurity?

Personally, it's what a person has been convicted of. It's being faithful to what God has shown each individual. He may have shown you 25%, while someone else may have been shown 5%! We all have to be faithful in what God has shown us [b]without judgment from anyone else for "not being far enough along in the faith."[/b]

I cannot be faithful to what God has shown you for you. [b]UNLESS[/b] it's specifically spelled out in Scripture. If it is not, then basically it's up to that person - without judgment. This is how we have gotten over a couple of million divisions of EACH religion.

[b]It's a narrow way, not a narrow-minded way! [/b]

Jesus-is-GOD wrote:
I have a question, since this sister didn't dye her hair but her husband has and considering his action only - does this fall under 'the law of love' or should we judge him under the letter of the law as well?

In conclusion and very seriously; wind_blows friend is truly loved! Truly loved by her earthly husband. Oh what manner of love for him to have gone out and got his hair highlighted gray!! Just remember: It's a narrow way, not a narrow-minded way!

God bless us everyone!!

Chris wrote:

I have been told that I have a boyish look. In fact, I was "carded" when attempting to buy some paint a week ago (you need to be 18 to purchase it). My wife has mentioned the possibility that she will look "old" and I will look "young" in a few years. I told her, "Well, then people will just have to think that I love a slightly older woman!" I suppose that such a fear is rooted in the precedent set by many men in America. I have assured my wife that -- when we are in our 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s -- I will love her as much as I have in our 20s.

I cannot imagine NOT being with my wife. I do my best to show this to her daily. I have already explained that my love for her is not based upon her looks...because her looks will one day change with time. Rather, she is "the other side of me." I look forward to talking with her when I get home. I look forward to walking with her along one of these secluded beaches along California's Highway 1 just as much as I long for physical intimacy. More than anything, I explain that I believe in the marriage covenant. I don't ever intend to break that covenant.

Once my wife gets her first gray hair, I will cherish it. More importantly, I will go out of my way to show her that I cherish it. Well, I suppose that I should leave it at that. I am blushing just a bit.

Chris, I love this! You exemplify how a husband should love his wife! I tell you - this post brings a lot of joy to my spirit! Really, I love to hear men talk lovingly of their wives....

I told her, "Well, then people will just have to think that I love a slightly older woman!"

Excellent point: good humor! Well placed humor will soften any irritant. Actually, this kind of humor is rooted in a forgiving mentality. One cannot exercise this humor when you carry resentment in your heart about a particular situation. It is a forgiving attitude: "So what? I accept it; no big deal!"

Actually, yesterday as I was thinking about this, I thought the lady could tell these folks who think she may be her husband's mom something like this: "You know what? I was at this man's wedding and you should have seen his bride! She was a pretty thing, full of delight to be able to marry this man! And you want to know where that woman is? You are looking at her!!" :-)

Have a blessed day!
ginnyrose

PS: Oh, and I am still smiling at this imaginary exchange...I think it would be so much fun to say it, but I likely will never get to use it because my husband and I are ageing the same.

If we are really honest he does not want us to stay as we are at all, He wants us to change to die to self and sin, to become a whole new creation in Christ Jesus.

Hey everyone: Just wanted to say thanks for letting me ask this question here in the forums. Thanks also for the comments put forth for my friend to consider. As I shared she is no longer considering dying her hair at this time because of the loving surprise her hubby gave her by having his own hair done. There may be those that believe he is now in sin for doing this for his wife, all I can say is it was a very loving thing that he did for her and she was really touched by it. I will leave it at that:-)

Ginnyrose: I agree, looking for humor in a situation is a great way to avoid conflict and hurt feelings, life is just to short to take everything to heart or personally:-)

Heart song you wrote:Any step towards conforming to the ways of the world is a step away from being conformed to the image of Christ.
_____________

Sis seems like we are kind of going back and forth here. At this point I am guessing that you believe that it is physically unhealthy for someone to dye their hair, wear makeup, or alter their appearance, based on the link you shared? I am also guessing by all of your posts that you believe dying your hair, and wearing makeup, or altering your appearance is a worldly thing and is a way of conforming to it? Am I correct????:-)

IF I am understanding you then let me share sis that I do not believe that altering your appearance in modest ways is a sinful thing to do, nor do I believe it is worldly if done in the right heart. Yes anything we do to draw attention to ourselves or to want to bring the focus on self is sin, however I think that God looks at the motivation of the heart of each person. My friend who covers her dark cycles with cover up is not doing so to make people look at her and pay attention to her. In fact the desire of her heart in this matter is to look healthy so people will not be distracted by her appearance and will focus on what she is trying to share with them instead. IF I may share another example I have a dear sister in Christ who is very close to me that has a skin condition and has to use facial lotion on her face and body. She buys it in the beauty isle at the store and some might think she is just being vain wanting to moisturize her skin to look young or to hide wrinkles but that has nothing to do with it. She does it because if she doesn't her skin cracks and bleeds because of the dryness. Again I think some of your comments have been a bit broad and tend to cast some in a light as if they are acting to please the flesh and conform to the world instead of really seeing the heart of the issue.

Any how sis it has been a stretching and growing time for me sharing with you and so thank you again for your posts and you willingness to share your heart. I guess in some things we just do not agree so until the Lord either opens my eyes to what your seeing or He opens yours to what I am seeing I guess we will just have to part ways on this topic:-) I trust you will walk out what the Lord is showing you in this and I know you will allow me the freedom and liberty that Paul spoke about to do the same. Let us each seek God's heart on this to know His will for each of us as we walk things out:-)

Wow!!! this has really morph from where the topic began hasn't it:-)In all I hope we will grow closer in our walk daily with Jesus and keep our eyes on Him:-)

Your sis in Him

God bless you sister.

God bless you too sis heart song!
I pray you have a great day:-)
much love for you sis

Hey to everyone:On another note, I just found out today that I will be going home soon:-) so I will not be able to post any longer here at SI. My time here has been a growing experience and I wanted to say a huge thank you to many of you who have shared with me. Many posts have been challenging to me personally and caused me to really seek to know Jesus deeper. What an awesome and Holy God it is we have the joy to serve:-)

Much love to you all
Your sis in Him

You will be missed. I will be keeping you in my prayers.

Hey Jesus-is-God

Sorry for not wording my impending departure very well, my bad:-) I have been living where I am currently for just a temporary time(about the past 5 months or so) and now I am going to be going back to where I am from(home:-)The family I have been staying with have been great and are wonderful people. I have been lucky enough to be able to use the computer of one of the ladies that also posts here on SI. She kind of introduced me to this site:-) Any way I do not own my own computer, and will not have access to one when I get back home so this is it for me, for now:-)

I have enjoyed fellowship with you as well. I am grateful for this season and time that God has allowed me to have and am looking forward to what He has in store for me in the future. Its an exciting time to be living in and to be serving such an awesome King!!!!

Your sis in Him

Hey
I talked to my friend, she is grateful to you all for sharing your thoughts. As it turned out her husband has taken matters into his own hands and surprised her this evening by going and having his own hair done. He is now sporting his dark brown hair with subtle highlights of gray through out. She was very touched by his demonstration of love in doing that for her.He thought it would make him appear closer to his age of 42. I asked if he looked any older, she laughed and said no not really because he has such a baby face but she loves him all the more for trying.

Thanks to everyone
in Him

What a response, what a guy.

wind_blows, hope you will find way's to pop in from time to time.

HeartSong - You are on dangerous ground I have to say. The word is ...

Legalism.

Go back and read your replies with that in mind.

It is in contrast that His light shines forth with brilliance and strength. When something beautiful comes forth from something beautiful the world is not impressed for that is the way of the world. It is when something beautiful comes out of something that is deemed to be ugly that the world takes notice. It is in this place that the world will rise to it's feet in true praise and adoration. Truth can not be found in the systems of the world. Truth can only be found in Him.

Mike,

"What a response, what a guy."

I agree, that was a beautifull thing!!