Husband wants to go witnessing / street preaching / evangelism; Wife wants him to stay home

Husband wants to go witnessing / street preaching / evangelism; Wife wants him to stay home:

My friend is married to a believing wife. He says that he taking care of the duties of husband and has not neglected his wife, tells her he loves her often, spends lots of time with her. But she does not want him to go and evangelize on a Saturday nights and or as the Spirit moves him. She wants him to stay home, and not go. Her father and mother are also Christian, but they do not do evangelism, and for the most part stay home and watch TV in the evening. I am single and never married, although I have had many wives before I was born again, I really do not know what advice or help I can give him.

Any ideas? Experience handling similar issues?

Luke 14:26 If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.

Ultimately your friend must make a decision to whom he loves the most. He should speak to his wife in a spirit of humility and with much gentleness about why he is doing what he is doing, and can't just stay home on Saturday night. He should probably even try to persuade her to go with him, or at least stay home and pray for his success and safety while on the streets.

Was it Studd, or Howell who left their CHILDREN to be raised by others to heed the call of Christ?

It seems to me this would be a sin in light of Deut. 6 and wouldn't be something to be celebrated.

I actually would suggest he stay home with his wife until they can work it out. His witness as a street preacher means nothing if he has a strained marriage with his wife.

With care in Christ...

Good word brother Tom and kingjimmy.

I have witness many times of husbands following their wives instead of wives following their husband and because of this i have seen it brought much toiling hard under the sun (the curse).

husbands are not fit for true discipleship if they listen to their wives above God.

remember why adam was cursed? the bible says that because Adam took heed to the voice of his wife instead of the lord (gen.3:10-19)

women are made to be the helpmate not man for the woman.

maybe the wife needs help in understanding who she is in christ. and as the husband he should maybe sit down with her and help her see her rebellion, of corse in humility that she may fear the Lord.

I know the Lord has in the past help me to understand the evil of being a stumbling block to my husband and that cause me to have godly fear. praise the lord i have learned to follow my husband no matter the cost and our family have been spiritual bless! yes, husband's do make mistakes at times, and if my husband makes a mistake in going where the Lord has not called him too, i have seen God faithfully turn him to the right road that he should go.

If, only wives knew how much their husband would feel so confident in their leadership role, if they would just allow their husbands to lead wherever and let them make mistakes and see them grow more through their mistakes. god is faithful to train our men in the right way! when we let our husbands go, the lord does use the wives a lot more as real help mate to help the husband run hard after the lord for him and his family. god will give wives more wisdom to encourage and exhort her husband!

but, it seems most wives are scared to have their comfort broken and living a not so normal american lifestyle.

I actually would suggest he stay home with his wife until they can work it out. His witness as a street preacher means nothing if he has a strained marriage with his wife.

It may be that God is allowing his wife to protest as a preventative measure. Many believers embark upon ministries which God Himself has not yet qualified them for. When a believer is entering into the will of God, doors that are closed have a tendency to open, and doors that are being jimmied prematurely have a tendency to remain closed. It sounds like this might be one of those premature doors.

I can only speak from experience. If the wife of a believer is saying "no", he should respect her wishes and pray, for chances are the Lord is allowing such friction for a reason. In either case, God will value his sensitivity and all things will eventually work together for all good. What use is it to serve God only to come home to bitterness and resentment? According to Peter, such situations will actually hinder the prayers of the husband and wife. For this reason, we as husbands ought to dwell with our wives according to [i]knowledge[/i] - which often equates to giving honor unto them as unto the weaker vessel.

My experience has been that God often uses the [i]weaker[/i] to bring to nought the plans of the stronger.

I did mention about bringing her, and he has, but what he had told me was that she says “that all she does is watch him,” and in a complaining manner. Before I posted this, they had argued, and he told me that he could not go today, shortly after us making plans to go out street preaching and sharing the Gospel. After posting this, he called me back, and said that she was going to stay late at school / college, so that he could go if he wanted too (her desire was for them to spend more time together when she got home from school).

So we went to the streets of DC today and spent a few hours preaching and sharing the Gospel. I am glad we went, there was a GREAT conversation with one man, his name is Mario, and I think the Holy Spirit was doing His thing. Personally, I didn’t do much, just passed out tracts, video taped my friend preaching, and I spoke to few people about the Gospel, however, I do not feel it went anywhere, but the conversation between Mario and my friend went well, they exchanged emails, and if I hear more about Mario, I will be sure to post it here.

So posting here was successful to getting us out there today, but this was only one day. So any more helpful experience or advice I can pass along to my friend would be greatly appreciated, and help us to keep on going together, often and regularly.

My friend’s only motive, as far as I can tell, is to share the Gospel in accordance with Scripture. We were and have been mocked, heckled, and it has been a challenge, to do open air preaching and sharing the Gospel. Even on the car ride back from DC, our sole conversation was on us working today, and as usual, our conversations are usually about theology. And when we are not talking theology or about the Bible, or talking about Jesus Christ, we are talking about how horrible sinners we are, praying for each other, and rejoicing and speaking of Grace , and of the Holy Spirit. So it’s not really the old story of guys wanted to be together, and my friend really desires his wife to be with him when he goes, and to be on fire for Christ as he is.

To be honest, I feel she is like most Christians, and especially with women (no offense intended), they look and talk the talk, but are not truly saved. Paul Washer’s wife, Charo I believe her name is, her testimony is a great example of this. It’s here on Sermon Index if you get a chance to check it out. But in general and from what I have seen, most women, especially those that were raised in a Christian home, and have been to Church all their life, and has pretty much done every thing that a Christian is supposed to do behavior and dress wise, but never being on the wrong side the street, just the “right” side of the street and looking over to the other side in disgust, and thinking to themselves that they would never do that, and because they look like everyone else within the Church, that they are on the right side and are Christian. The thing is, we are no different than those that do walk on the wrong side the street, all have sinned, none are right in the eyes of God, we are all sinners, and in desperate need of a Savior, whether we have committed one sin or a hundred and one, we are all condemned by sin, whether our doing or Adam’s doing, and we are all separated from God. That’s what sanctified means, set apart, we are apart from God, separated by sin. I know this to be a sad fact, but there are many in the Church today, who claim to be Christian and believe in God, but have never been broken by Him, they are like the ones that survived the wilderness, but were never bitten by the fiery serpents. And they can say all the right things, and because they do not break the 10 commandments or any instruction given by the Churches they attend, they have never experienced anything similar to being truly born again. In my experience, I find the example where Jesus teaches us that those that have been forgiven much, love much. In the case of my friend’s wife, it appears that she has not been forgiven for much, because she feels that she has walked in God’s ways from her youth. Until we are shown by the Holy Spirit how ugly we really are, and for my friend and I, we have been forgiven much, beyond much really, to much in my book and I feel undeserving of God’s Grace, that we are filled with so many things like guilt, love, compassion, motivation, disgust with our sins, and are compelled to share the Gospel, and its not just some guys hanging out on a Saturday night. And going out to street preach on Saturday nights sounds like a movie with John Travolta, it’s more like Saturday evenings, from around 4 pm to 9 pm. In addition, I feel strongly compelled to serve Christ in everyway possible, not to make up for what I have done, because I can’t, but Jesus Christ has done so much for me, how can I possibly say no to someone in need, it would be like saying no to Jesus Himself, and we truly are lost without Him, my debt is great, oh Grace, how great a debtor. Furthermore, there is no such thing as death, you either go to Heaven for all eternity or to Hell for all eternity, and Hell is not just you being dead or out of Heaven, but it is a place where the worm does not die and the fire is never quenched and it is eternal, and it’s not an end, but is a beginning and it lasts forever. And unless every Christian is guilty of not having a gift from the Holy Spirit to be able to share the Gospel or do evangelism, we are one of the few Christians who have this special gift to do evangelism (Biblical sarcasm here, for a good Biblical example of this, please see: 1 Samuel 15:10-23, for there is no specific gift called evangelism given by the Holy Spirit). And as such, we either need to exercise the gift we have been given, or share the Good News as commanded by Christ. Hey we are a product of the revival that Sermon Index is working towards to, we are the next generation of evangelist, move over Spurgeon!

Both Taylor and Paul have given wonderful counsel toward this situation.

Allow me to go one step further and say that by going out in spite of his wife's wishes, he is NOT preaching the Gospel to his wife, and is not loving her as Christ loves the Church.

I don't know how much he loves her, but if he really loves her, he will see her as a blessing and a gift from God rather than a hindrance to some ministry he might have.

Too often men believe that they can provide financially for their wives and that should be enough, however the needs that husbands are to meet are much more(emotional, physical, etc.).

He should love his wife and pray for God to do what He will in the situation. Also let him know that if she starts to feel resentment and bitterness because she feels unloved, it will be a VERY hard battle to win it back, and that is IF he can.

Hi roaringlamb...

I think that this is very good counsel. The short phrase comes to mind in regard to this: "[i]...and they shall be one flesh[/i]" (Genesis 2:24) and "[i]...if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand[/i]" (Mark 3:25).

:-)

Hi

I believe John Piper provides good counsel on this subject [url=http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/AskPastorJohn/ByTopic/49_Biblical_Manhood_and_Womanhood/3329_What_would_you_say_to_a_couple_who_feel_very_differently_about_the_direction_their_life_should_take/]here[/url]. He answers the question: What would you say to a couple who feel very differently about the direction their life should take?

Outstanding tjservant, thanks! Will send this to him now...

God doesn't need you to complete the work of the ministry.

God does want you to be obedient.

He should have never gotten married if he never planned on loving his wife as Christ loved the church.

Deepthinker,

It sounds as if you have been watching my life.

Five years of marriage are now nothing more than a memory, and while there are many things she has done, I know that when we were first married, I put ministry first.

It was almost like I had no wife, and now, I don't.

I agree with a lot of what's been said. He should try to work things out with his wife. It may be that she is being used of God to keep him from rushing into ministry.

But on the other hand, it may be that the enemy is using her to try to hinder him from preaching the Gospel. If she is [i]constantly[/i] discouraging him from preaching the Gospel anywhwere, which is what it sounds like you're saying, then "we ought to obey God rather than men" (or women).

I know if God wants him to continue in He will confirm it through His Word and circumstances. As has already been sugested, it would be wise to pray about it and seek confirmation from the Lord (if he hasn't already done so).

Having said all that...I must also add that it is a sin on the part of the wife if she continues to rebel against her husband's decisions. It's clear from Scripture that wives are to submit to their husbands (Eph.5:22-24, Col.3:18).
Even IF the husband is wrong, and not being sensitive to the voice of God by rushing into ministry, the wife should still submit to her husband, pray for him, and be there for him if and when God does discipline him for his bad decision.

Was it Studd, or Howell who left their CHILDREN to be raised by others to heed the call of Christ?

It was Rees Howells. [i]Rees Howells: Intercessor[/i] by Norman Grubb is a great biography.

It seems to me this would be a sin in light of Deut. 6 and wouldn't be something to be celebrated.

Taylor, I would be very careful of judging a matter and condemning a brother before knowing all the details. Prov. 18:13 says this is folly and a shame to you.
There are specific reasons why Howells' had to give up their son for a time, and they were clearly guided of the Lord to do so. They hardly need a defense, and this wouldn't be the right place to explain everything...so I'll just leave it at that.

Both arguments have validity and merit - in my opinion the key is balance and prayer - often the solution is found somewhere in the middle rather then on one extreme or the other.

God bless,

Patrick
www.jonahproject.org

His wife may be a baby believer, the fact that she's been a Christian for a long time, notwithstanding.

God forbid that we wound His sheep in our zeal for His work!

I would counsel he love her the way she wants to be loved. Then, spend time seeking God's face in the matter. He is faithful; He will show our brother what to do.

I believe the Lord instituted marriage to show humanity what true love looks like. Until each "Christian marriage" is modeling this for the world to see, we may be wasting precious time, trying to be busy in God's vineyard while the primary field He assigns us lies fallow.

IT IS WELL

Its a hard thing to give advice when not knowing the couple, all men are different and also all women so all marriages are special. My own experience is God may use the marriage to break a man or woman for the ministry God has planned for that man or woman. I see both ways in history, was it Wesley that went despite his wifes wishes to stay? and he won souls for the Lord in the many thousands.

Others maybe have to give up their "dream" of ministry for a season, maybe years, to humble themselves and love those who are closest. I think family is the most important ministry a man has, some great missionaries left their children to others for upbringing and they lived not for God when they grew up, some preachers so worked for God they neglected their family and they know not God as adults, even feeling resentment towards Christianity.

But i think it is different with all couples, some may have an unconverted spouse, a fire to live for God and serve him in ministry but it will not work practically in reality. I have learned sometimes staying is a greater sacrifice then going.

I always found this little excerpt to be very encouraging for me and my goal even tho far from it maybe today, i pray one day this will be my marriage testimony to the world.
[i]

Marriage is meant to be a miniature of heaven—a
fragment of the celestial blessedness, let down into
this world.

Marriage is meant to be a little sanctuary, into which
husband and wife may flee from earth's storms and
dangers, where in love's shelter, their hearts fed with
affection's daily bread—they may dwell in quiet peace.

Marriage is meant to be a shelter in which, covered
from the frosts of the world and shielded from its cold
and tempests—two lives may grow together into richest
beauty, realizing their sweetest dreams of happiness,
blending in whatever things are true, whatever things
are pure, and attaining the finest possibilities of godly
character.

Marriage is meant to be a holy ark, floating on the wild
floods of human life—like Noah's ark on the deluge,
bearing to heaven's gates, to the harbor of glory—the
lives which God has shut within its doors.

A godly marriage is a little nook in the very heart of
God, where faithful souls are held close to the Father's
heart, and carried safely, amid dangers and sorrows, to
the home above![/i] J. R. Miller

*edit*

i have to agree with hmmmmm. all couple are different. it is hard to minister over the internet. we would have to hear from them to be able to give wise counsel. I also agree with Mike about the wives. it does seem that a lot of wives aren't saved, but are more like the normal american christians and truthfully christian men seem more differnet than the men in the bible and even the puritan days. Christian men today seem more feminine. Not only in Christiandom do they seem more feminine, but even among the lost. i think also alot of time christians seem to look at what marriage is through the world's eyes with their own reasons and emotions instead of the word. whats really lost is wives showing respect for their husbands and husband's watering the wives with the word, helping her obey the word.

i also want to apologize for my first post. i shouldn't have given counsel because I haven't heard from the couple myself so was not able to discern rightly and give biblical counsel. it is very hard to rightly counsel over the internet. i have met some people through the internet and a lot of them are nothing like they are on the christian forums. i will instead pray for this couple. God knows.

I echo Paul and Taylor here. I can't speak to the specifics, but in general, men are called to lay down their life for their wife, not for their perceived ministry. As a man, your primary ministry is your wife, then your children. Now, on the flipside, the wife is commanded to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, and should be helping him in his endeavors. Sounds like they need to sit down and hash through scipture, and find out where they are each failing, and repent to the Lord. Ultimately, the husband will be held responsible before God for how he handles his household, and if he doesn't rule it well, he's not qualified for ministry anyway. Furthermore, those "called to ministry" where marriage is a hindrance are few, and it is a special calling as a eunuch to remain single before the Lord. If you are married, that has become your calling.

My general thoughts.

Great advice everyone, I will be sure pass along all your helpful experience and guidance, thank you so much.

In His Strength and for His Glory,

Mike

You know, that is not true. Paul spent his time in prison and sent 'emails' to the different churches giving them advice and he didn't physically see the situation but he knew by the spirit what was going on. It's a lame excuse to go down that avenue because it give the person a reason to what they are doing by saying, "No one understands my situation". I think that is a cop out, a distraction from the real issue and that is he needs to nurture his relationship with his wife

What can be hard is to give advice when we do not know the situation enough, what i meen is, i would give different advice if the wife was never born again by God, perhaps just religious profession? maybe there are other issues involved that we know nothing about? maybe the wife is not submitting and are making extra demanding claims that are unreal on her husband? may be the husband are ignorant of his wifes needs and so much more that we can only speculate about. It is true Paul gave directions commands and advice to the churches, but if the spirit says to share something i hope we do, but i dont think in any of Pauls letters he did not have some report or letter to respond to, i think he had some information about a situation or something in that church and he addressed those things. we can address these individuals with our advice, but to say "do this" when that advice may in reality be all wrong due to all the facts not been brought out in the light, in these matters its good to have godly elders to seek for guidance face to face.

Myself have been given advice from people about a family situation, i know they meant well and spoke in love, but since they did not know all things their advice where not good and was never to work in real life. That is what i meant when i said all are different. Of course some things is for all, the rule of love and much more.

Anyway, i advice them to seek out God in prayer , and seek counsel from elders that know God and have wisdom about their situation.

Deep thinker, I think you are being presumptuos here.

You do not know the couple enough to rightly minister. How do you know its not the woman's fault and she is the one who is selfish and her quality time she wants with her husband is about watching movies together and not being watered in the word? Not saying this is her- we don't know. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. The woman joyfully obeys her husband as the church should joyfully obey Christ. And the husband loves the wife like Jesus loves the Church. How does Jesus loves the church. Not by feeding on to her emotion, but always directing her to follow the word no matter what, of corse with humility. Peter praise Sarah for her obedience to her husband and that the women should follow. Please read about Sarah. Most profess christians are not like Sarah and many despise her obedience to her husband because we live in a feminist world. and the spirit of feminism is not only on the most women, but also men.

We need to stop looking at marriage through the eyes of the world with the counseling of the world that seem right, but its not.

Mike, I continue to pray for God to guide you in wisdom in ministering to your friends and that they would be led to elders who can help them biblically.

Peace, Lisa

Greetings Lisa

You wrote:Most profess christians are not like Sarah and many despise her obedience to her husband because we live in a feminist world. and the spirit of feminism is not only on the most women, but also men.

We need to stop looking at marriage through the eyes of the world with the counseling of the world that seem right, but its not.
__

I agree with you to many view marriage from the worlds point of view. The feminist attitudes that most follow with out even realizing are a real burden to a marriage(my opinion from my own personal experiences at least)

God Bless
maryjane