Is it lawful to have a second wife?

I know the first example is in Genesis, a foolish man who boasted of his vengence being greater then Cain's protection.

But Abraham, was not considered guilty for having Ishael, for GOD does not bless sin.

Also GOD allowed Jacob to have Rachel even though The Christ came from HIS choosen Leah.

It seems that Judah with Tamar his daughter in-law became one flesh and Crist again choose that.

The WORD is not clear, but if Boaz confessed before the men at the gate that he was raising up seed for his brothers inheritance, not his own...I admit a weak point, but an open question.

Elkanah's second wife Hannah was blessed with Samuel.

David did overstep the command about kings not multiplying wives, that does imply that even under the Law which is a tutor, lawfully allows men to have more then one, not just so they do not divorce. It was not his First wife that Christ choose.

Also in the New Testiment, Paul the Apostle was Sanhedrin Pharasee, they required men to be married. Yet when he was ministering unto the LORD, many think she had departed in unbelief. Later he confessed by The HOLY Spirit that he and Barnabus were free to marry.

The LORD was Israel's Husband, and The Groom of the Church. and they will be united, yet not the same.

Just because it is a common practice in cults, does not dismiss it, like JW dont do Christmass legalistically, and even 7thdayAdvents kind of set apart the Sabbath, but not in truth...neither if done as a believer in an expression of devotion is unlawful.

I know the New Testiment also say's that in order to hold an office at a church, as Elder, Deacon, or Bishop(overseer) a man is to have one wife, and that implies that, the rest were not bound to keep that. Nor teachers, or evanglist's.

I ask because my wife is leaving me in disbelief, and she is hateful and despises the ministry I have been called to as an evangelist, refuses to fellowship consistantly.
if she leaves me, I can not, nor do I want to put her away (divorce) but I would hope that if she is bound to another man (Jesus acknoledged the woman at the well had (impling alive) five husbands, since HE is GOD HE recognized it.

Reconsiliation is best, in the begining one man one woman was the model. Twain made one. Yet if she is joined to another, it is a shame for her to be restored, David found that out the hard way. I know myself, I desire to have a helpmate, one who fears the LORD, not man, but I will not sign divorce papers.

You're first calling is to your family. Put the ministry on hold until that is in order. I would say a saved marriage will garner your more "reward" with Christ than any fruit you may reap in the ministry.

God does not need you.

God does desire that you be obedient to Him.

Your call is first to your wife.
Then your family.
Then the ministry.

We are a handicap to God's plans being carried out on this earth.

It is a privilege to be used, though we are earthen vessels (poop jars) for His glory.

Did you talk about this before you got married? I mean did you make it clear and now she is backing out or was it your fault not making it clear. I mean it would be hard to marry a women then after telling her you wanted to go to Iran.

Is she a true Christian? If so something should be able to be worked out.

Is she just weak needing encouragement and having a hard time? Often even strong evangelist' have down seasons for extended periods of time.

Do you go to a good fellowship that is feeding her?

Are you asking too much of her? Women are the weaker vessel and often we can be too extreme even to ourselves.

Are you sure you are not wrong? I mean often times zealous Christians can swear they are right then often learn maybe a year later or so that they were wrong after breaking ect.

Can you seek counsel from Elders on this? It may be good to have a mediator and an experienced person who has endured seasons in the ministry.

I know of a Christian woman who is married to a devout Muslim who attacks her faith constantly. I could maybe put you in contact with her or maybe your wife and she may be able to give counsel.

I know now more then ever that the enemy wants to viciously kill us literally and so often marriages. We are under great spiritual battle and I will definitely seek to consistently pray for you for this next season and to give you clarity from heaven for even simple thoughts of theology can be clouded.

Women are the weaker vessel. It was Eve who was first attacked. The enemy is after your wife. Pray for her. Sometimes we cannot lean on our spouses for encouragement and must on God and mature Christians. Pray for her build her up.

Maybe think of it this way. I am sure there were times in ministry when you were too weak to go on. Therefore you were not able to at a certain time for one reason or another. Well, your wife is a part of you and just as you could not go on for some weakness in yourself now maybe you cannot go on as deep in this evangelism as you would like because your wife is too weak. I mean it is not as if she is saying to deny Christ or sin or something. I mean what if you had kids. What if there was some problem with your kid and they were ill and you could not go out evangelizing or something.

Not everyone is called to everything. I mean if we wanted to be really radical we could go straight to Mecca and preach knowing we would be killed. But, is that what God has called us to? Has God supplied grace for that? We are not sinning because we do not all immediately go there.

Are your sure you are not extreme in some way? Can you not do your ministry in some way that is by yourself without needing her by your side? Maybe more details would help.

I hope all I said is correct and hope you consider in with a sound mind from the Holy Spirit and not merely from me.

Often the best thing to do is just give things time. Often we can see things in a totally different perception a year later or so. Sometimes couple even split for a while to come back. There are often growing pains. He who is slow to anger if great in understanding.

You're first calling is to your family. Put the ministry on hold until that is in order. I would say a saved marriage will garner your more "reward" with Christ than any fruit you may reap in the ministry.

Agree 100%

I only met her because I was encouraged to hear how she was won, so I told her about my testimony...no big deal. Months later at a missions conferance, I saw things she might appreciate...so I send it to her bible college, and we started talking, and prayed, she kept calling, and I said I was injured deeply by a relationship, and had dedicated myself single, so I felt that I shouldn't spend to much time with some other mans future wife. She still occasionaly called, but I felt like she wanted things to open up, but my heart was still injured, yet I would pray in the Spirit, and turns out after praying with her, I had a lead for an inturnship she asked counsel about that The LORD used mightily, when I heard of the works through a man, I felt so good that GOD had used me because I was deeply oppressed by the enemy...like now. She called again and said "The LORD told me I am supposed to marry you" I was indignant but did not sin with my lips, instead I said "Well The LORD never fails, so I guess if that happens you'll know it was a true prophecy." I esteemed it lightly, as I intended to disappear in the jungle to minister to the Karen tribe I had read about in Don Richardsons "Eternity in their hearts." then 5 months later I was kicked out of Bible college because I wrote to the founding pastor, about some teachings that didnt match up, and the man who over saw the college had the dean refund my last quarter, said don't come back...and they put me on a list of people not allowed on property. I was so hurt and betrayed and the questions I raised were sound...I mourned before the LORD for monthes left alone, kind of feeling like The LORD had rejected me, then I saw her at a church, and was cordual. It came to mind sometime later maybe GOD had a plan, and this was a nudge...maybe to believe in her effort to speak by faith, by just hanging out to see who she is. Another time I revisited that church took an invitation to hang out with the Bible college kids, not many received me, but she really had devoured the stuff I sent her, and seemed to be a little isolated for her zeal...so I went further, and invited her to meet some of my friends I had a "Christian" movie night with...gave her a token of rare precious music that had been songs in my pilgrimage...hoping she would be strengthened in her environment to overcome the enemies plan to stomp her the second she took a stand in Faith with courage. She started blowing up my phone so I would invite her to meet me at homeless feeds, agreed to get friends to help me prepared some evangelistic tools...seemed to love what I did. I talked to the overseer of her church to ask him if we could court with his approval (she had left her family when she left Islam) he said yes, things seemed to get better and better, but I told her I was a selfish jerk, in great debt, had an STD and my heart had deep scars I seemed to never escape, and I really felt unable to love anyone, and was unlovable. She said "I just want to serve The LORD with you." Then I asked her to meet with the overseer, he agreed, I again said all the things that had eaten up my life before Christ, he was so shooken knowing I was college bound from Bible college, and seemingly an upright man, he stumble at the prison, drugs, and especially the debt. He looked like he was sitting on a heater. But a month later she showed up at a homeless feed, and I started to think it had to be the LORD. Then I asked her if she would be willing to drive hours with me to a wilderness where I walked with The LORD. We went, I took here where deep calls onto deep at the noise of HIS waterfalls and started to voice my betrothal vow, she stunned stared back, then I asked if she had anything to say...she kind of repeated what I said, and I hugged her. Six moths later after a few hard trials we were married. But once married she a couple months into it focused on my debt and wanted to go to iraq as a translator on the frontline for $89000 a year to redeem me, I was touched but said no, then again she pressed me a few more times, I said no way...we had a fight, she called the police and when they came she said "he wont let me get a job" I said "she can work at Safeway, or anyplace around here" they said they did not have time for this. Then I encouraged her to attend classes with her cultural experience, as an arab and a woman she could be used mightily for GOD. But Now a year and a half later, she is fully in rebellion, has many times threatened to leave me to find another man...I think its the fear of the money, and she took a job 9 monthes into the marraige, I said "wait we should pray about it" she said we would divorce if I stopped her, and I was forced into submission, though I prayed alone, I had no peace then she didn't like me spending on evangelistic materials, and got her own bank account, started being very wanton, buying lots of nice things to go to school,I would take once in a while, but she bought top dollar stuff, and I paid the bills, and when things were hard at the end of the quarter, she would rail me for buying bibles, tracts, and blank media to duplicate...I paid for her clothes, she didn't contribut the aid she received, when I let her know I needed the last third of the power bill, she said "your not a man" and "if you want to be the head, you better pay for everyting" put me to shame for not buying her perfume. I started two businessed, one as a field technician I could schedual around engineering classes, and selling Christain apologetic dvds on ebay, so I could include things I would put together on break in the university lab. Once her classes picked up I did most of the chores, and she would not attend any of the 3 Bible studies UI attended, to do homework...and would provoke me to wrath for asking if she wanted to go. I could see her drifting, but she despised me and would not let me speak gently to her. She made lots of plans to enjoy time together but would get so angry she would destroy stuff, would fight the day before church, on trips she'd make me walk alone...then she met a christian gal like me, really zealous, befriended her, and seemed to nicen up and we would do Church, and evangelism together. Then she told me I should marry her friend, I was harsh with her and yelled at her hatful anger. Then she accused me of having an affair, I said she deserves someone better then me, and when I tried to ask this friend of hers what happened, she blocked my number...she then moved somewhere when I was out. I am about to sink in the hole GOD pulled me out of, and I am sure her problems are because of me, and I am in denial trying to justify myself even now. I am hopless, and a sinner bound fast by my past I though Jesus delived me from. I wish I could not exist, and I really know for sure I should not be allowed to hurt anyone else, and be isolated like HIS has allowed, that is where others will be safe from my "mr holy man" act, I have no love it seems to me. Just a selfish ass that brings affliction like a rain cloud. Did HE love me to bring HIM this shame? Am I HIS, did I really taste freedom from my shame, why is it near crushing me?

Wow.

Well, it sounds like it started off right.

I think the debt was the biggest problem.

Maybe she may have been burnt out by ministry too.

She also may have had some flesh problems and I think that to some degree the stronger Christian just has to die and love.

The best I could say is try to work past the debt and love her and get your marriage back before zealous ministry.

I think that you have to be faithful in the small then zealous ministry will be an outflow from there.

It could take time, and be beyond hard, I trust that this is the Lord teaching you and taking you deeper and maybe showing you areas you need to change.

Forgiveness is needed and leadership and the grace of God.

I would urge you to seek advice from an older mature Christians around you who have proven faithful over the years. Ask God to show you one. Here you may get good or bad advice and you do not know the people here on SI and cannot check on their integrity. It is not save to seek counselling online.

Doulos,

You asked whether it is permissible to have a second wife. I will ask you a question: how will a second wife fix your problems? Looks to me like it would complicate it more. If you cannot make a go of one wife, how would the second one improve your situation?

I agree with other posters who suggest you go for counseling, but be careful what counselor you go to. Many out there would tell you to divorce...Now here we can get into a sticky mess...Many on SI think it is OK to remarry after a divorce. But the NT has the final word on this issue. Anyhow, divorce will not solve your problem.

I am assuming this is a covenant relationship - but you did vow before God that you would love her till death do you part, so you have an obligation with her. Another woman will only complicate matters. Surely you are not ignorant of this matter. The OT is replete with examples of this principle.

I suggest you put your ministry on hold for the time being and stop putting a lot of money into religious materials. Her spending could be done in retaliation to your spending.

These are my thoughts ...

Blessings,
ginnyrose

Just want to agree with what narrowpath said. We can all pray with you and tell you a few things, but a picture (of your life) is worth a thousand words. In other words, you need a local Christian. You need to think of the most serious and godly Christian you know and find a way to go to them and share with them where you are at and if the Lord confirms their counsel in your heart, you probably need to submit yourself to them or "partner with them" in a peer relationship for a while so they can shepherd you through this, even if you don't feel like it. Make sure it is someone with a heart for marriage and reconciliation, and make sure it is a godly person you respect. If you can't find a person filled with God, you can go there with God, but it will be harder since you don't have accountability. All the best to you in Christ.

DoulosQuinn -

Brother, I agree that counseling is something to pursue, not only for yourself, but the both of you together (hopefully you two can come together to do that).

But, I wanted to share that I think there are a few things at issue here.

It sounds like your past hurts may have caused you to be a bit controlling. Any woman is going to be concerned about finances and if she wants to help out... why not? Out of her love for you she wants to help out. If you feel that this is your debt to own and pay off, then work something out with her in a way that she can still help (i.e. she pays the house bill and groceries for example). Secondly, you are denying her a desire of her heart to not only help you out, but to also work in an environment that she would enjoy. Why deny her of that right and priveledge? If she wants to be a translator, let her be one.
Secondly, remember what her background is. She comes from a religion that lives and breaths complete submission in all aspects of her life (an islamic woman pretty much has no rights). She wanted out of this and it sounds like she is pretty nearly living the same thing out with you.

As others have said, she is your ministry. Other than God, she comes first in your life. You are husband first, evangelist second. If this means that you aren't doing what you want to do (being an evangelist) for another couple of years or longer, than so be it. It would give God greater joy to see your relationship restored. Remember that you are to submit to one another. The submission sounds a bit one-sided in your marriage.

I've had to go through the struggle of learning the same thing. When I met my wife,s he was gung-ho for Christ. She knew my hearts desire for going into ministry long before we were married and she was ok with my desire. It was only two months into our marriage when everything changed. She didn't want me in ministry, she didn't want to go to church, and she didn't want much to do with God. I, naturally had a BIG issue with this. I had a very difficult several years in our marriage, because I had been pursuing this calling for a long time and she said, out of her own mouth that she would be happy to be there along side me in the journey. When she changed, I felt betrayed and completely crushed. I thought to myself, numerous times, "Here I am now, stuck in a rotten marriage with a self-absorbed and bitter woman. Man did I ever screw up..."

I had to learn to give it over to God and let Him take control because my desire to control things were only making things worse. I had come to a point in my life where I actually considered separating and even divorcing her (even though I made the vows I made and swore up and down to myself that I would never, in my life, consider divorce, no matter how tough things got). As a result of her change she became extremely abusive, physically and verbally. I couldn't deal with her change anymore. I was an emotional wreck inside because I felt like the rest of my life was done. My dreams were shattered, not only for ministry, but for a loving, happy and precious marriage. I wanted kids so badly, but in no way was I going to raise any in the environment I was in.

And I'm telling you all this only three years into our marriage.

Our God is faithful. And boy, is He ever! I made the decision to work things out with her. I let her know that she comes first before church ministry and that if it meant I waited longer to do it, or not get a chance to do it at all, that she was more important. We still have much to work through. It is a long and rough road, but our relationship and her relationship with God has improved expidentially. Sure, I've had to wait longer to fulfill a desire of my heart, but God can still use me whether I'm 34 or 82.

And check this out... starting on January 16th I am going through a pastoral training program through my church!! And yes, my wife is completely 100% ok with it, through the help of our Lord in His working in both of our lives to get us to this place.

Will it still be a bumpy journey? Will I still have to submit to my wife? Will I still have to constantly submit my life and marriage to Christ? All are, "Yes!" With God ALL things are possible! Amen!?

Don't let the enemy fill your mind with "a lack of self-worth." I would do a "restart" with your wife. Ask her what SHE wants and go from there.

God bless you, Brother.

I hope that anything I've shared might help in some small degree.

In Christ,
Ben

But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
1 Cor 7:15

Brother,

I would encourage you to listen to this sermon I preached earlier this year that speaks to your very problem. It's called, "Eunuchs for Christ's Sake." It may not answer all your questions, but, I believe the Lord will definitely speak to you through this message.

http://www.iamadisciple.com/sermons/EunuchsForChrist.mp3

Many blessings,

Jimmy

Believe me, one wife is enough.

Well said. As I would also point out one husband is enough.

Blessings

Ben,

I love your post and testimony! Once again it proves that God is interested in the stability of a covenant marriage and will work to sustain it IF one gives Him the opportunity to do so.

God bless you for sharing....this is worth several reads.

ginnyrose

Yet if she is joined to another, it is a shame for her to be restored

And what NT scripture do you have to support this concept?
There is none. So what are your options? Is it not reconciliation? 1Corinthians 7:11. Pursue it brother - pursue it like as though your very life depends on it! And it just might mean you will have to swallow a lot of pride...but you will survive.

Blessings,
ginnyrose

DeepThinker wrote:
As stupid and unorthodox as this will sound, if you want to put God first in your marriage, put your family first. If you want to serve God, serve your family. If your trying to be the "man of the house", your going about it the wrong way.

[b]A woman will serve her husband if the husband will serve his wife and family first.[/b]

Also, Ben I loved your testamony as well.

God bless you both!!

To the original question, the answer is no. We are to be a one woman man. The problem in asking such a question is that one may assume (boy I hate that word-assume) that a conclusion has already been made and now for the re-enforced justification to do what's already to some degree in the mind to do. Brother I think that if you are a preaching and practicing evangelist that you already know what you are to do and no amount of counsil or advice here will ultimately change what you will eventually do. Sounds harsh I know, but lets face it, thoughs who take to a pulpit ministry are suposed to be experts of the Book, they get paid to study the Bible and spend time hearing the voice of God for various situations they will minister in. Maybe this has happened for a learning experience? Who knows, but God. My advice to you is that you read 1Cor 13 and see if your actions toward her line up with God's Word, than re-aline your thinking to agree with God's Word and spend an extended period of time in prayer with fastings calling on the God of all mercies to intervene in your present circumstances.

The only verse that flies through my mind are about Abraham "blessing" his sons on his death bed, about Simeon & Levi's "cursed anger" I have never met men in my nation that would be possessed by such hatred that the could even think if having someone tied up. gripping their hair, and feeling the heat like a shower, of sticky blood as the use a knife to fully remove a head, from a man made in GOD's image.

Tell Sally Fields, who blamed men for war during Bush's Iraq action, how an angry woman demanded on a serving plate made to enjoy food, to display my brother John the baptist's head. Women like that would rather use their daughters like harlots to manipulate men by lust in sin before GOD, then allow a lawful wife that would remove her dominion.

Why would GOD say Ishmael was like a donkey, but in prophesy of what we see today. Why should I prevent what is coming on this land where woman will rule even to their own destruction? Most of those are in churches passing over how GOD says it is a reproach pretending they are blind, or looking to comfort in all the others who ignore it, like GOD uses majority rule, and with clear sign of impending judgement around us, PRESS ON harder then ever...so like those buying and selling in Jerusalem in 69 AD, and those shouting for the arch of the covenant before the Philistines when GOD was willing to defile what meant so much to HIM to whack Eli's sons, selling HIS people for no gain, seeing children HE lovingly formed have their head dashed on rocks.

I have many times tried to stand, and been washed out, like Jeremiah. I want to be like Jonah and walk away, and watch HIM do what I can not, maybe I will complain, but at least something will get done.

I appreciate all the Love HE has revealed in the saints and disciples here, I detect the fragrance of Christ here everything, thats why I come back when the floods bring confusion, and intimidation WITHOUT being backed up by HIS WORD, this definitely is a power or principality that is very powerful beyond me, that is not yielding to the Truth of GOD's WORD, but pressuring submission to corral the masses down the broad-road...I don't have the Urim & Thumim. I have some knowledge, and some wisdom...but it we contend in the Spirit of the Law...HIS vicory will come..not by power, nor by might...but by the beloved and blessed HOLY Spirit, who in the unity of peace will draw out the truth = thought captive to Christ = "red alerts" sound in the enemies camp.

I was from 210 to 140lb meth addict when HE won me from my fears, HIS pity was more then I could ever have imagined...so fearful knowing how I "knew" HE shouldn't bother. Anyhow 9 months later I was still pursuing HIM and alternately when I was pressed I ran to meth, bound in association for the state I was in when HE magnified HIMSELF to expose me, and confirmed the cross, HIS staff I pulled away from like a fool, resisting what HE protected me with. I got in a car accident where Satan did me up like you would not believe...3 years later a judgment for 250,000 at 29% interest it is a mountain that I am just going to run and dig a tunnel through so I can hide in a cave hoping the Son of man will pass over me.

I really touched the edge of HIS garment, but the love that makes my heart beat is just a thread, I do not have what is required to yield & compromise with those who contradict HIS WORD, and force myself to pretend that HE expects that to show those who love the world...how much my defilement witnesses HIS love, so that in the end I live in fear of condemnation.

this calling was a vacation from my desire to be a eunich, for a small need HE allowed me to fill, I will go back to stand near the gates of hell, and tempt Satan to kill me, as I shout about the LOVE that saves, as tears and snot run down my face....that is where I belong, like a crib where there is peace I know is promised to someday fully know.

I Kind of wonder about Job's wife. What got her to the point that with everything around her did nothing to get her attention where it should be. He was wealthy, respected, it seems a mighty warrior on behalf of widows and orphans, they had children that loved each other.??? Maybe he was righteous because he did not yield to his wives desire to subject him under her. (I really believe because in Genesis when GOD tells Eve that, and then uses the same word to describe what sin was crouching at Cain's door to do.) I have seen my precious wife's weakness, but passive aggressive hostility has sometimes is a greater injury to love. I have seen some mean ladies fight over property once...So back to Mrs Job,i think Satan must have provoked her against him before the heavenly challenge even came. I wonder where she comforted her pride? Maybe like Ham, she despised his nakedness, or his need to "bow over her."
I really see women under pressure tend to use sex to establish dominion, like Jezebel using what GOD gave for her beauty to manipulate men to do her will. I kind of think because of the hatred of fallen man that GOD put the drive of the flesh to be stronger then lust for murder, to protect women, and kids. I have seen the most fear-filled women cling to the most violent men...and yet attempt to exercise dominion. Even Delilah used the vessel GOD had prepared for her, in an ugly way against Samson.

I brought it before The LORD today, and I believe that HE let me see the dark hatred of what whore mongers are capable of, taking what GOD made to protect women, and actually hating them for it with boundless humiliation terrorizing them. I remember how the soldiers in Uganda, go cut women's brests & lips off...MY FIRE WAS KINDLED thinking what I would do if I saw it about to happen!
Truly I think that GOD is hurt deeply by that, and the cries that are not answered. Yet I know of even Pastor's wives that are very manipulative, and imagine that the idea to humiliate their husbands is common. I bet if Barna could take stats, that is why there a great percent of porn watching church goers that are bound up in a guilty conscience before GOD, to cowardly to take another wife for fear of reproach, but bound by GOD's desire to not divorce, for sake of its representation of HIM. Without a doubt all the shame & disrespect exploited can only be capitalized on in intimacy. I imagine these women, like Penina need to be put in the place by women like Hannah, the mother of Samuel, so that men could bear to love these little ones, who are drunk with vindictive weaponry.

Really if elders, and deacons are supposed have only one...others are free. But some unbiblical culture in our roots, excluded multiple marriage with reproach, eventually demanded men to not be recognized as the head of the household, to sit alone in the gates of our cities, speak up in church for error/clarification, and even fight wars against our enemies. This oppression I think does press even mighty men like David among us to be rolled over daily by Mical's, so in the mean time the Philistines are surrounding us. Yet GOD would let them take a help mate like Abigale, that would gird them with strength, and let the Mical's bear their reproach until they repent, rather then use GOD's WORD in the letter of the law to cast shame on righteous men, as if their need for intimate affection is vile, and fully selfish like the men of the world who have no love. GOD has expected from us as husbands to love, not to surrender our love for GOD, by using what GOD has given, and commanded to wrangle them to death for reign.

I think to be free of marriage is better truly, but I am not nor do I really want to abandon her to her terrors, but since she first taunted me to get married to someone else, I have not found any reason in HIS WORD to not follow through, and see if GOD who can do all things make her eat her words, for her own good. Rachel yelled at Jacob about Leah's blessing from GOD, saying "give me I child or I die" so she did, and she did...it was a miracle, Benjamin. But in the end Jacob loved the one who was GOD's choice, and asked to be buried with her.

"...and see if GOD who can do all things make her eat her words, for her own good."

We serve a God who loves His people. He would do no such thing to your wife.

I know that GOD wants godly seed raised, HE loves souls. Wives learn the cross through child birth, like men learn it through marriage. I cry, and am not ashamed of it, I love to embrace my brothers always, a real man hug, I know it love I desire from HIM. I also have passion for intimacy, but one experience that was never covered over, when I found myself trying to comfort my wife in her anger with affection and been cut to the heart, with filthy accusation, that ought not to be, and repents me from bring her on me. She many times saying she was leaving to be with another man would taunt me, saying GOD would require me to remain single, unless I straightened my "SH" out. This plus other low blows, have made me feel cheap, and I am sure that I should leave her barren, but I don't believe GOD would steal all my desire to sing scripture to my kids. She has hate, and has never come to me to resolve injuries, and has hinted that things she has done were warranted. I really am growing cold, and I did stop all my evangelism, for the last nine months, minus works prepared before me, which has been ok, but I have felt AWOL, and what do I do which verses like in Timothy charging me to stoke the fire. I also have left most studies at this point thinking money seems to appease her. Truly I can live with her and never need to have intimacy.

Even my love in Christ for her, so hope GOD will reprove her before she answers for it, when there is no more opportunity to change.

GOD has expected from us as husbands to love, not to surrender our love for GOD, by using what GOD has given, and commanded to wrangle them to death for reign.

This is a bit confusing....

Are you saying, by the last bit of your statement, that God has commanded man to reign, in a very commanding way, over our wives?

I sure hope that this isn't what you are saying.

Doulos,

Would your wife be willing to go to a counselor WITH you? According to your post she has been hurt. That hurt can morph to extreme anger that will kill any love she may have had for you.

Again I urge you go find someone who believes in the permanence of marriage and do not delay. In the meantime you must abandon ALL thoughts of getting another wife. As long as you even remotely consider that an option, the devil has his foot in the door, and you will hinder God's working in your life.

God bless you and your wife and will pray for you both,

ginnyrose

Wives learn the cross through child birth, like men learn it through marriage.

I don't believe this to be accurate Quinn. Both men and women learn to lay their lives down for one another in marriage. I don't think it is accurate to say that a woman learns to lay her life down in child birth.

Also, there are many women, because of the sinful nature of humanity, that will say things, mean things, when they are hurt. In those moments of their weakness they feel insecure, unloved, fragile and uncertian. Unfortunately my wife has done this ALOT to me. Is it right? No! However, because of our sinful nature, for many this is a process and a growing time for each other. It takes time for a woman to completely feel like she can trust her man without a single doubt.

Remember that she said those things because she was hurt by what you said or did. Does it make it right? No. But you also have to consider that probably what you said or did was wrong, too. Marriage is a partnership, and I'm guessing that you both are to blame for how your marriage has ended up. I'm not saying any of this to attack you, but just to share that what you're going through wasn't just her doing. You both contributed to the circumstances you're in.

I would, again, highly recommend seeking Christian counsel in your area and talk it over one on one with them.

God Bless,
Ben

THE NEED OF THE HOUR IS...

John 17:1-3 These words spoke Jesus, and lifted up his eyes to heaven, and said, Father, the hour is come; glorify thy Son, that thy Son also may glorify thee: As thou hast given him power over all flesh, that he should give eternal life to as many as thou hast given him. And this is life eternal, that they may know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent.

Do you have Life Eternal?
Do you know Him, 'Who Is',the Only True God?
Do you Know Him through His Sent One Jesus, having been given to Him by God His Father, and been placed into Christ( 1 Cor. 1:30,31 But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who from God is made to us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord) by His Holy Spirit?

1 John 5:20,21 And we know that the Son of God hath come, and hath given us an understanding, that we may know him that is true, and we are in him that is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God, and eternal life.
Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen.

1 John 5:9-13 If we receive the testimony of men, the testimony of God is greater; because this is the testimony of God which He has testified concerning His Son.
He that believes in the Son of God has the testimony in himself; he that does not believe God has made Him a liar, because he has not believed in the testimony which God has testified concerning His Son. And this is the testimony: that God has given to us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He that has the Son has life; he that does not have the Son of God does not have life. These things I write to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may believe in the name of the Son of God.

1 John 2:25 And this is the promise that he hath promised us, even eternal life.

His Word to you and all,

1 John 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments; and his commandments are not grievous.

Gal. 5:14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

2 John 1:6 And this is love, that we walk according to his commandments. This is the commandment, that as ye have heard from the beginning, ye should walk in it.

1 John 4:8 He that loveth not, knoweth not God; for God is love.

Doulos,

According to your words(testimony)in this thread I doubt you know Him,the Only True God. The same may be true of your wife.

As He says, "Love has patience, is kind; love is not envious; love is not vain, is not puffed up; does not behave indecently, does not pursue its own things, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. Love quietly covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

2 Cor. 6:2 For He says, "In an acceptable time I heard you, and in a day of salvation I helped you." Behold, now is the acceptable time! Behold, now is the day of salvation!

May we all, all those who know Him,

O come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before Jehovah our Maker. For He is our God; and we are the people of His pasture, and the sheep of His hand.

Today, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your heart as in the day of strife, as in the day of testing in the wilderness.When your fathers tried Me, they tested Me and they saw My work. For forty years I was disgusted with this generation; and I said, They are a people who err in heart; and, They do not know My ways, to whom I swore in My anger, They shall not enter into My rest. (Ps. 95:6-11)

Brother Ben, I think we are different pages totally. I am willing to engage on this level if you are willing to give me an honest contextual re-wording for 2 Timothy 2:8-15 please trouble me to expound lightly.

I meant that GOD does not expect husbands to be abused by The WORD. To be wrangled by wives that misuse it to manipulate in hostility, rather then to build up in love.

but Ben, I need you to back up the verse about women laying down their lives for their husbands...I think the uni-sex bible says that to avoid offending people who deny GOD made us different, with different strengths for HIS glory. But anyone who is offended of Christ, or HIS WORD's...well read that last part for yourself, I really don't want any hostility here, I need those men who are mighty in the WORD to help me take captive some confession. I plead, in Jesus name...like a weak brother that won't eat meat, I am hurt and want to hope that HE has not abandoned me to endless strife, where I should be able to be restored. I had my wife tempt me in hostility to marry another woman in The Faith, who is interested in what she sees as worthless, she openly said she doesn't care about the lost, and when she shoved it in my face, I did not to lie for fears sake, yes I would marry another women if GOD allowed it, but it seems the only provision for her to be free to marry is my death, for me I'd prefer that then losing her to all the pain & fear that has her captive from a love I have always longed to share with her, but I see no command against taking a second wife, not for selfish youthful lusts, but to serve with above reproach, pray with, to be in order and under authority, really Paul's opinion in The WORD says anyone with wives should live as if they had none, and I think I could really be restored into the Joy I knew when HE was with me while under great fear, and made HIMSELF strong to uphold me to stand in the gap to reach out to the broken, and my heart is so lonely without a companion who will be there with me, and really has no interest. I backed off so far, and she was pleased to just dwell and watch Hollywood movies and drink some wine, but this would kill me to be trapped there, where I am vexed like Lot in Sodom, called negative for exposing ideas conveyed against The WORD, and I am so alone.

Savanah, are you judging me in regards to salvation before the time when everything is manifest in light? Don't you know you actually judging the Law, and will be put under it by the measure you do? Please every woman hear me, The LORD knows who are HIS, you don't have to be a soldier, or a pastor to remove the reproach of sin, or feel useful when we have been nothing but useless, like any of us who have received Christ. I pray those who are adorned like Sarah would Trust in HIS righteousness in every WORD HE has given even if we don't understand it fully, please I really came to as the scripture say "One man sharpens another, as iron sharpens iron" not threaten anyone who is stumbling over parts of The WORD. HE is love, and everything HE says is for good.

. . . I am so alone.

HE is with thee.

I have had so much doubt in my heart, and so much failure, empty devotion, my hope to see her come around, but hatred, and abuse are her weapons of choice, especially when I am weak, and struggling. I sought HIM, but not with a heart of faith, but bitterness had infected me, and HE was lost to me, and it just kept sliding, until she suddenly want to do somethings with another believer...which smelled like a test I know I can't assure her, but then she launched an attack. I think she is looking to bail out.

I am sorry for hurting anybody that is hurting for my sin, I just think trying to find scripture to give me a way out, is surely my flesh refusing to die, I am ready to see GOD's will in this life, I want Christ. If HE counts me worthy to die, I believe HE will assure me of the gain, for I desire to be with HIM, and be free from my sin. Beloved please pray I am steadfast here, and that I do not succumb to fear, doubt, or my flesh. My wife, and the saints I love need you prayer.

Beloved please pray I am steadfast here, and that I do not succumb to fear, doubt, or my flesh. My wife, and the saints I love need you prayer.

I pray that you can be strong in the power of His might to rise above the grief and sadness of the moment to know that you can against all odds have a peaceful spirit and the joy of the Lord!! So that others will know that your hope is not in your wife in the God of your salvation; Ps 40.3

God bless you

DoulosQuinn,

Brother Ben, I think we are different pages totally. I am willing to engage on this level if you are willing to give me an honest contextual re-wording for 2 Timothy 2:8-15 please trouble me to expound lightly.

Why are you asking me to re-word 2 Timothy 2:8-15? What bearing does that have on your marriage? How does Paul's address to Timothy relate to your situation?

I meant that GOD does not expect husbands to be abused by The WORD. To be wrangled by wives that misuse it to manipulate in hostility, rather then to build up in love.

but Ben, I need you to back up the verse about women laying down their lives for their husbands...I think the uni-sex bible says that to avoid offending people who deny GOD made us different, with different strengths for HIS glory.

What Uni-sex Bible are you talking about? Whether you read it from the KJV, NIV or NASB, they all say the same thing...:

Colossians 3:18-19:

[i]
18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
[/i]

Ephesians 5:22-28

[i]
22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
[/i]

Men are also supposed to lay their lives down for their wives.

Of course husbands (AND WIVES) are not suppose to be abused by The Word. You are both suppose to build each other up in love and respect each other. HOWEVER, we are human, there is sin in this world and we often succumb to the sin. Did your wife say some things she shouldn't have? Sure, maybe she did. I'm sure you did the same thing to her. My point is: [b]Forgive Her.[/b] You can't keep judging her for her mistakes.

I had my wife tempt me in hostility to marry another woman in The Faith, who is interested in what she sees as worthless, she openly said she doesn't care about the lost, and when she shoved it in my face

My wife has done the same thing to me several times. And you know what? It hurt. I was in much pain because I thought she was going to walk out this journey together doing ministry with me side by side. HOWEVER, through LOTS of prayer, the Lord has worked in her life and in mine. We have gone to counseling together and both made an effort to make our marriage work. Things are still hard. We're still not where we should be in our relationship and our relationship with God together, BUT it is getting there... and that is what matters. I found out that I have to constantly lay down my life for her, even if it hurts sometimes. Why? Because I want to love her as Christ loves the church.

We all have different strengths, but that doesn't mean that Scripture doesn't tell us that we aren't to submit to one another/lay our lives down for each other. Read Ephesians 4. Ephesians 4 still coincides to Ephesians 5 in how to treat one another whether married or not.

EDITED

Brother, I have been in a parallel place like yours before and I was weak but I pray that you are strong. Hindsight for me was looking back and knowing that if I would have risen above the grief of it all and not wallowed in it or even looked to my own strength to get me through, I would have come out much better on the other side. But I know that I know too that God does in fact work all things out for His glory in us.

I pray that you can be strong in the power of His might to rise above the grief and sadness of the moment to know that you can against all odds have a peaceful spirit and the joy of the Lord!! So that others will know that your hope is not in your wife in the God of your salvation; Ps 40.3

God bless you

Agreed

turns out it is not prohibited, so don't deny it.

But since it is not commanded, don't do it where it is not legal by men.

my marraige is getting worse dhe is lying like crazy, and I yield from confrontation, but the enemy has realy ceized her heart with fear and confusion. Also I have the enemy cast things from my past from her, from before I knew her, fasting 4 days, and it is worse, but HE is here....its better then four months of "loving her" from my own resources...which men usually counsel.

HE can do all things but it seems like I am going to be single, and if she follows thru, jail too, she swears she is going to give police false report, stole my cell, and erased the nasty text messages...if it weren't for Christ I would really be fearful...."do not be harsh with your wives" can be done,...by me I hope.