I think Father has been trying to get my attention,

I wanted to write a post and say goodbye to some of the very kind saints here on sermon index. I think I should take some time away...I am feeling very lost just now. Some of you may know I posted a question a few days ago about adultery and the effects it has on a marriage. I asked this question because I have been trying to understand some things that happened between my mom and dad and I have been seeing that where I had thought that I had forgiven...I now realize that I have not. I know I have been out of fellowship with my Lord Jesus and I really want to find my way back to Him. I don't want this to be just pretty words that get typed out and then when my conscious feels better are forgotten. I hope and pray that whatever it takes I will be seek HIM and walk in His ways and not be so caught up in self.

If the Lord places it upon your heart to pray for me then please do that I will know real conviction, that I will weep tears over my sin, that my heart would be softened, and that I will know His presence in my life once again...
Please forgive me Father
in Him
ellie

I will be praying for you and if you feel lead to pray for me I would appreciate it as well because I long to know true conviction and Christ presense in my life aswell.

God Bless,
Matthew

Thanks Matthew

I will pray for you. This was sent to me via email and again I think God is trying to speak to me and get my attention...

If you have time listen to this and consider...I know I am!

http://www.crazylovebook.com/videos/chapter5.html

The question he asks is the root of my doubt, I hear so many stories of people coming to Christ and being radically changed and that walk up to strangers and witness with no fear in their voice or heart, they are truly sold out. I love to preach and I love to talk about Jesus but when it comes to one on one witnessing with strangers I just can't find the courage. And from this I doubt my salvation and how truly sold out to Christ I really am. I am searching for something that my generation has lost and its something many are searching for and that is Reality. I want the death of Christ to be a reality in my heart not just an idea or theology or a nice thought but a reality that effects my walk on the outside. In all honesty I am still searching and my only assurance I have is the fact that I am compled to search for this reality.

Greetings Ellie

I think many of us have been feeling this way too. I am sorry to see you leave SI but hope it will just be for a short while. I do understand though.

God Bless
mj

Matthew, in no way do I want to stifle the convicting of the Holy Spirit, but it seems to be you first off need to relax in the presense of the Holy Spirit/God. Enjoy God, his Word. Revel in it. Forget about being out there confronting sinners. Then as you get filled with the awesomeness of God, witnessing will naturally flow form you in a changed lifestyle and in your conversations with others. Don't try to copy-cat others.

To make it easier - if such a thing is possible - ask the Lord each day for an opportunity to bless someone else. He will provide that - you don't have to go searching for it. AND ask Him also to teach you to recognize His voice when He speaks. I suspect this is the prime reason so many are powerless today - we have stifled the voice of the Spirit by responding with the 'counsels of our own heart.'

Make sense?

ginnyrose

I am sorry to see you leave SI but hope it will just be for a short while. I do understand though.

I agree. But do come back and let us know how things are going...

Take care and God bless...

ginnyrose

Very much thank you! It definitely is a great encouragement, I just listened last night to Jackie Pullinger and I believe God revealed to my heart my problem a simple statement, It's Not Me. It's not me that awakens the heart of a sinner, or my oh so many wonderful words to the sinner that awakens their heart but CHRIST ALONE! I am trying now to rest in this in everything Christ alone. I have written "Become Nothing Make Christ Everything" on my hand as a reminder that its not me that saves a soul I just get to come along for the ride :)

I will definitely take your advise on getting to bless someone everyday. Thanks again

God Bless,
Matthew