On the Lighter Side 2

LOL. What's the steering wheel for? Had they invented racing games back then? LOLI do think think that SI could use a little softness -love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness... about now. (not that it's really lacking, but...)Wisdom is good but joy is good too. :-) In Him, Chanin

I want one! Of course, I'll need to build a building to put it in first. ;-) Dian.

Did they do a PDA version?

Yes, but it requires a pack mule.

I am looking at one of the automatically generated google adds on the left hand side bar. It reads…Holy SpiritHoly Spirit for sale. Aff Check out the deals now!www.ebay.comI was intrigued but all they had was a bunch of books. Actually I already know the ‘deal’. I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Rom 12:1-2 KJV)

Looks like you could go into orbit with that thing.

I don’t know? At first I did see the inconsistency, but now I see hope.We are in dark times, but the morning is to come.A Joyous future of repentance. What a joyous time it will be!God is the one who rises up nations and tears them down. God has the power to rise up this dead nation to life and godliness once more. Let us all pray in faith and rejoice in hope through the Spirit. Above all putting on love the bond of perfection.

I want to know Jesse; Did you take this picture?Where was this taken?

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"Church was pretty much over at that point...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".*----------------------*The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:"Take only ONE. God is watching."Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Evangelism LinebackerThis is great! This is for all of you who have fears about sharing your faith! HAHA you will enjoy it..

aparantly this is a true story:A Sundayschool teacher told her class how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, a child put up her hand and informed the class that while driving one day, her mum looked back and turned into a lamp post :-o

Did I read that sign right? In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

cartoon

The local obituary had in the paper the other day that the woman who died had been ill for a while but her health took an upturn. :-)

Hi all, got this in an email and had to share.JeffNoah in 2005 In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is theArk?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Arkin my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."

Return of the Church Bulletins. . . They're back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. Next Thursday, there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. A Bean Supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.Potluck Supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - Prayer and medication to follow.The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7:00 p.m., there will be a hymn-singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 p.m. Please use the back door.The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church Basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!" One of my coworkers sent me this in an email. I laughed until I cried. :-P

MSeaman wrote:
Return of the Church Bulletins. . .

They're back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday, there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A Bean Supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck Supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - Prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7:00 p.m., there will be a hymn-singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 p.m. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church Basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!"

[color=0000FF]One of my coworkers sent me this in an email. I laughed until I cried.[/color] :-P

Way too funny. Thanks for for resurrecting
it ;-)