One of the fundamental thematics of Romans fourteen is the idea that Jesus is the Lord of his followers. What is at stake in Romans 14 are issues of conscience. In Paul's heyday, eating meat sacrificed to idols would be tantamount to blasphemy in some peoples books, the funny thing is Paul calls this the belief of the weaker brother. Romans, Galatians, Corinthians, and many other epistles lay out what is ACTUALLY wrong for believers to engage in. I could take the time to make a comprehensive list, but I am sure you could make one yourself.
The question I would like to ask you, in light of Romans 14 is...are you ready to accept that the Lordship of Christ over his people as more fundamentally important to you than your own ideas of how his followers should behave concerning issues that are not "clearly" right or wrong? (I say this in spite of the fact that many would claim that moralistic issues are always in fact "black and white" when Romans here makes it prevalently obvious that there are issues and times where one behavior is wrong for one person and is not wrong for another, but rather they are issues of conscience. This is patently obvious when you raise your own children, but for some reason seems generally impossible to grasp theologically, as if we throw all we know about life out the window when we seek the scriptures answers.)
What is most important is...is Jesus their Lord? If he is in fact their Lord, then you have a direct line to his desk. You have access to the "red phone" as it were. If these issues are ruining these peoples lives, ruining the lives of others, causing them to fall into adultery, fornication, lieing, and all the like, then by all means, pray that God delivers them, tell them they are in sin because they are not living up to the pattern set forth in the N.T., he is their Lord, after all, is he not capable of keeping his kids from falling? Even if what they are doing is not leading to these things, seek the Lord, he will either change their hearts, or he will change yours. He is, after all, the Lord of Glory.
There is a sermon on here somewhere by Art Katz where he draws the distinction between what is "moral," vs. what is "moralistic." Moralism is always a man made standard by which men use as a measuring rod to make themselves feel better about their own perceived sense of righteousness. But that which is "moral" is that character which proceeds from God. Please do not take anything I am saying as personal. I have no idea how these things are playing out in your life. I am trying to speak objectively concerning what Romans 14 has to say to us today.
I can honestly say that I have never really seen much fruit from breaking out the moralistic measuring rod and using it to berate people. God treats us as sons, and he treats us in the way that a Father ought to treat us. He chastens the ones he loves and leads us to repentance through his goodness. We do not repent because of our badness, we repent in lieu of it. In light of that, there may be a chance that people who are spending too much time in what we would consider the "gray" shadowlands of life, may just need to be convinced of the goodness of God. Much like the woman at the well who went and told her people of the man who told her "everything she had done."
Basically, I am trying to pry into the purpose of Romans 14. Why is it even in the book of Romans? What does it have to do with the rest of the book? Paul speaks of being dead to the law, and that law actually works in consort with sin to make us sin more. But the resurrection of Christ gives us power to live after his life and similitude.
What I am about to say is, admittedly, my own opinion, but I think it makes sense. I think that Paul put Romans fourteen where he did because real holiness and real righteousness is put at stake when we trifle over peccadillo's. (A small, relatively unimportant offense or sin) And I use that term in the "best" sense. If all you ever do is trifle over "little" things, lets say rotten fruit on the branches of a rotten tree, you are wasting your time. You can trim off the rotten fruit season after season, but the tree will still keep producing it. In Psalm 74:5, Asaph laments, "A man was famous according as he had lifted up axes upon the thick trees." I think Asaph was lamenting that there were no men who could fell big trees of sin anymore. Instead many become branch grafters, and false fruit hangers.
It is a time to weep, like Asaph, like Nehemiah, like Paul, like Christ, like David. To weep not just for our sins, but for the sins of others. To weep for the lack of honor given to God, for he is worthy of it. To weep for the injustice brought upon the helpless.
If true righteousness and holiness are on the line then little hen-pecking (not that I am saying yours are, but I know mine have been in the past) rebukes that do not deal with the root issues in peoples lives are nothing but drip torture. When we walk in the Spirit, we live to please God. If we live to please God by walking in faith, we will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh. If we drip torture people into a psuedo form of righteousness apart from grace and the spirit...it simply will not last. If you cast out a demon, and do not replace it with the spirit of God, he will return with seven of his buddies and start a block party in your soul.
If you are walking in the Spirit, your life will be attractive to others, and they will want what you have. If you henpeck about things that don't matter as much as the issues that the Bible puts forth as mattering a great deal, then people won't listen when you want to deal with what is REALLY wrong in their lives.
There was a good illustration of this in a book I read by F.B. Meyer one time. He talked about a friend of his who smoked a pipe all the time. F.B. would walk with him and fellowship with him frequently. Then one day as they were walking across one of the bridges in London, the man took his pipe out of his pocket and launched it into the river. Meyer looked quizzically at the man, and he basically (and I am paraphrasing from memory) told F.B. that he knew his obsession with pipe smoking was not healthy, and had become a hindrance in his walk. He told F.B. that the reason he did it was because F.B. had never once chided him for it. Instead, F.B. showed him an example of Godly living, with patience grace and love. Had the man been living in adultery, stealing from the offering plate, or any number of other "real" sins, then I am sure F.B. would have said something.
The fact is, it is probably wrong for you to watch those things, play those things, and do those things. Do we really believe that "others can you cannot" tract that gets posted here all the time? Or is that just a glib self-righteous sentiment? I suspect it is easy to believe the "you cannot" but only pay lip service to the notion that "others can."
If true righteousness and the moral character of God is on the line, pick your battles, aim to take down the big trees. Over time, by your example, and by being salt and light into the life of your relations, you may just win them with kindness and goodness.
I only put this out because you asked. I tend to agree with the other poster, this forum is not the best place to receive clarity on this. And maybe I am just another inane voice. But if I agree with Romans 14, then consider it wisely.
If my advice is meaningless to you, here is what I suggest. Find somebody in your life who actually is living a godly life, and who has a lot of fruit in how they serve Jesus, and by fruit, I mean the fruit of the Spirit, not a lot of followers. Ask them to help give you counsel. Jesus was the Friend Of Sinners. They were always comfortable around him.
