Godly Homemaking

Preface:
In recent weeks my attention has been drawn to the need for teaching young woman about godly homemaking. We have seen a serious deterioration of knowledge among young mothers of what homemaking is all about. They have become victims of the feminist philosophy where in order to be important one must compete with males, that being stuck in a house with children is demeaning intellectually, that she is not using her abilities constructively.

In time to come, I plan to post insights based on the WORD and will invite your comments. After establishing a Biblical basis I plan move into the practical. Opinions, practical insights will be shared with which some may disagree. This is OK. I have been wrong before and unfortunately have not lost that ability yet! and if I am wrong please advise. In any case, I suggest we use a quiet, meek spirit as we share on this important matter.

ginnyrose
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INTRODUCTION:

For the record, I am old according to some, especially my children and grandchildren. I beg to differ, of course, but that is beside the point. The reality is I was born in 1947...so, maybe they are right? My husband and I have been married for forty-six years, had five children - four sons and one daughter. A picture of us can be seen the cover of my FB page.

As I considered this topic of godly homemaking my mind was drawn to Titus 2:3-5:

3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,

4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

5 [to be] sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

The older women are to be:
1. Reverent in their behavior
2. Not malicious gossips
3. Enslaved to much wine
4. Teaching what is good

(These qualities are to be in place so they can:
1. Encourage the younger women

They are to teach the younger women to:
1. Love their husbands
2. Love their children
3. To be sensible
4. To be pure
5. To be workers at home.
6. To be kind.
7. To be subject to their own husbands

SO that the Word of God be not dishonored.

This is sobering - how we do homemaking can and will impact our testimony in this world. This is a ministry God has entrusted to us women and it cannot be delegated to the men, it is ours. How do we do it?

We live in a perilous times, not unlike the era in which Titus was written by Paul. Titus was in Crete ministering to the people. The locals had this reputation: "One of themselves, a prophet of their own, said, "Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons." This testimony is true. For this reason reprove them severely so that they may be sound in the faith." Titus 1:12-13. Hmmm...makes one think he is talking about moderns in 2013! This does prove that human nature has not changed in the years since then.

This is all for now - will be back later, Lord willing.

ginnyrose

I look forward to reading what you have to say. I never had someone mentor me in this area and I learned what I know mostly through experience and through my growth in Christ, which I know created pain in my home when I did not do things God's way. I pray that many young (and not so young) ladies will benefit from this. I know I will.

God bless you ginnyrose. You have often been an encouragement to me.

Ginnyrose

I look forward to reading and discussing this topic with you. Standing firm in what you believe the LORD has for you and your family is not very popular among the feminists or the world(big surprise) but the reward of carry for and be with my family and husband has always been such a blessing to me.

Thanks for taking the time to share these things with us as the LORD gives you leading.

God bless
maryjane

QUOTE:
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which I know created pain in my home when I did not do things God's way.
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Natalie, I would guess most parents can relate at some level with this statement. I do not know of any parent that has not offended their child[ren] at one time or another.

It is within the context of the home with children, parents in which one learns to exercise forgiveness. All of us at some level reacted according to our flesh and caused hurt, anger. If these situations are not addressed, they can fester, grow into family feuds which can be passed on for generations.

The best thing a parent can do when you know you have been the cause of pain, hurt, anger is to simply confess your sin to the object of your sin and ask for forgiveness. Many adults fear doing so thinking it will undermine their authority. Not so unless the child is an adult and has learned to love to nurse that grudge where he/she gets some degree of satisfaction from it. In any case, apologizing is still the best thing to do. It many be a humbling experience but never did hear that it killed anybody except perhaps their ego and that is fine.

Titus 3:1-8 has some insightful, encouraging words to say to this issue:

3 For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another.

4 But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared,

5 He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit,

6 whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,

7 so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

8 This is a trustworthy statement; and concerning these things I want you to speak confidently, so that those who have believed God will be careful to engage in good deeds. These things are good and profitable for men.

Be encouraged, Natalie. Parenting is a learning process. Remember also that Adam and Eve had a perfect parent and his two rebelled. So, what did God do that provoked that rebellion?

We need God, our children need God and that is the best thing a parent can teach their children.

Glad to see this thread. would like to share a poem to encourage mothers:

"Dear Lord, I do not ask
That Thou should'st give me some high work of Thine,
Some noble calling, or some wondrous task;
Give me a little hand to hold in mine,
Give me a little child to point the way
Over the strange, sweet path that leads to Thee;
Give me a little voice to teach to pray,
Give me two shining eyes Thy face to see.
The only crown I ask, dear Lord to wear
Is this : that I may teach a little child.
I do not ask that I may ever stand
Among the wise, the worthy, or the great;
I only ask that softly, hand in hand,
A child and I may enter at the gate"

- (Author unknown)

taken from "God made mothers" by Annie Poonen

Looking forward to this. We do need to base every area of our lives according to the word of God.

God bless.

looking forward to this thread as well

rdg

Before I go any further with this topic, I think it essential one look at the origins of homemaking. Unless it is understood one is left to think that a woman's task at homemaking has been imposed upon her by some masochistic males bent on enslaving their women. It is impossible for one to discuss this in depth with a few words, but let us take a look and perhaps it will get us to think more deeply on the origins of our responsibility. Having a good understanding of this will go a long way in us helping to fulfill the tasks set before us by the LORD.

The concept of the home comes from the mind of the Triune God when he said:

Gen. 1:26 "let us make man in our image according to Our likeness..." and

27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

28 God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it;

We are made in the image of God. Men, too. Think about that. God made two people, different, but people who will compliment each other. Each has the ability to do what the other cannot, whether it be physical, mental or whatever. The woman is made to be a help suitable for her husband. She is to assist him in whatever he needs using the gifts, talents, strengths God gave her.

Males work at providing, females at nurturing. This is well understood when we consider reproduction. Together they work at replenishing the earth, the father providing the sustenance for the people under his care.The wife/mother doing her job in making the home a restful, peaceful place makes the husband's job easier. He needs a place to relax, unwind and rest.

God said let us make man in our image - this concept is so profound. Consider the unity that exists among the godhead - the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. As I consider their working relationship I see in them functioning as the Father being the supervisor; Jesus the spokesman; and the Holy Spirit the go-fer, all working in harmony. There is plenty of overlap with unity in goal, purpose. Since we are made in His image - spiritually, intellectually, mentally - do we work like this? Like the Triune God?

Once we understand how the Triune Godhead works together, I think it will go a long way in helping us wives to understand our role in life in relation to being a wife, mother to our husband and family being made in God's image.

We see in the Godhead order, perfect unity in every way possible. Since we are fallen we do not have this perfect unity in mind or spirit which is why one needs to be submitted to the LORD Jesus, allowing the Spirit to fill us, guide us. He cares about us women, how we function as wives, mothers. It is our job and He is interested in us being faithful to our calling. Can we grasp that?

This subject is so deep, so profound...I cannot do any justice to it. Perhaps the LORD will show you in a way better then these mere words do?

ginnyrose

Greetings Ginnyrose,

I think what you share here was very well said :) I have come a long way from the place I was when I first married(praise the LORD) and I rejoice in that fact now that I can be of help to him as he so very often is to me. When I think back to my early years in my marriage I am amazed at how my husband and I manage to come through those times it could only have been the LORD working even then in our lives.

God bless
mj

Mary Jane,

As I look back to the early years of our marriage I am amazed at how much my husband and I have changed. It is as though we are totally different people. You know, when you belong to the LORD He will change you from glory to glory. Physically you go from picture of vibrant youth to an old wrinkled prune but your wisdom gained from experience....I would not mind looking young if I could have the knowledge and wisdom we have gained throughout the years. And...you know what? what you have learned through experience will be YOURS, no one can take that away. You have learned what is absolute and what is not because you have learned through hard knocks...

Anyhow...got to get back to my other post I was going to write.

ginnyrose

Gen. 1:26 "let us make man in our image."

So says scripture: we are made in the image of God.

Let us take a deeper look at the image of God. The best way one can see that is to observe his work in his creation.

Did you ever look, study the creation itself? The colors, the shapes, the angles in all its myriad combinations? How these designs exist in everything you see? It is everywhere, everywhere. (Hell is a place completely devoid of light, no color, completely dark - would that not make a person go crazy? Just the absence of light itself? I think so, not even considering the fire...)

Consider the cedar wax-wing bird - check it out on the web if you are ignorant of its coloration. On its wing it has two-three red feathers surrounded by brown. Now tell me, if you can, why did God place those 2/3 red feathers in the middle of those dark ones? What practical good does it do? Never heard that it does. I suspect God put it there to evoke within me a sense of awe and wonder at his sense of beauty. God is a God of beauty; He is awesome. What are its implications to me as a woman?

Since we are made in His image, should we not in the course of living, doing our work, be creators of beauty in whatever we do? Of course, one can become vain and go to extreme but this is not what I am talking about. [EDIT]I am talking about our work in homemaking, our cooking, food preparation, how we decorate our homes, our clothes, everything we do....does it reflect the beauty of God living within us? Beauty radiates joy, happiness in living...does my work radiate joy?

As I reflect on my walk with the LORD I can see in myself an growing sense of creativity. I used to think I was the most uncreative person on this planet - I had no original ideas - and maybe there are none. But as my walk with the LORD deepened I am experiencing a new sense of creativity.

If this sounds, well, earthly, consider the alternative. Look at the creativity promoted by the world. It is ugly. The people look angry, their clothes reflect their anger, distrust. Actually, they do evoke a sense of fear, distrust in me when I see these pics. But a godly person radiates joy, happiness in his/her work, attire, music, personality. This is the image of God demonstrated in us.

Does this make sense?

I know I am on a rabbit trail, but to me this is a very important concept we women need to understand that enhances our ministry as a wife and mother.

There is one more incident in the WORD I would like to share that deals with God's creativity that has taught me, inspired me for many years ...

Remember when God called Moses to lead the children of Israel out of Egypt but Moses objected to it with many excuses (can be read in Genesis 3 and 4) and finally God asked Moses, "what is that in your hand?" And he said a "a staff." Then God proceeded to teach Moses how he will use that stick in his mission. A stick, or a staff, something very common that costs nothing but can be fashioned wherever there is some wood. A simple piece of wood. Nothing profound about that. But when God tells you to use it, it becomes very powerful.

In life I have been in a quandary many times about how to accomplish something....like share a gift when the money was an issue, or anything else when I was stumped. Then I consider, "what do I have? What can be done, made with the resources that are at my disposal?" Think. And think some more. Ask God to give you illumination...he cares about your job as a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend. After all in 1 Timothy 5:14 says "Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach." True, he is addressing the role of widows but the same hold true for young women - one cannot be a widow without first marrying!

Does this make sense how God has endowed females with his creativity and that he expects us to utilize it? If we find ourselves in a dilemma He will be delighted to assist you as you fulfill your job? Being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) is fulfilling God's will for you. It does not sound as glamorous as being the CEO of an business, but we are raising a future generation and that is very important.

God bless.

ginnyrose

Point two in what the older women are to teach the younger is to love their husband. Tall order. Or is it?

It is only in Titus 2 where we read that wives are commanded to love their husbands but there are more scriptures that instruct husbands to love their wives. One can theorize why this is so, but that is beyond the scope of this short post.

As I ponder this command and reflect on me loving my own husband and what hinders this love, I have to go back to one issue that comes up: my husband is not God. Too many times I think he should act like as though he is when in reality he never can be nor will ever be. And this causes problems in my loving him as I should.

This sense where I think my husband should act like God, always be capable of doing everything right all the time; never failing at anything; always knowing what I am thinking without me telling him has its origins I think in the fall when God tells Eve in Genesis 3:16: "Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”

Let us face it sisters - your husband can never displace God. Unlike God he is not omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent - he has a one-track mind and the track likely will not run close to where you are abiding at the moment. How many conflicts occur because of this? Think about that a while.

Will have more later...

Hi ginnyrose,

Not being a woman, I see things a little differently. I've spent a lot of time in 1 Peter, which is often used to speak to how a marriage should operate. The strongest theme I have seen in the book is that true love involves suffering, often wrongfully, because of our love for God and trust that He will repay in justice. I've heard enough women recoil after reading 1 Corinthians 13, stating that they cannot and do not love in this manner, that I ask you to seriously reconsider what you wrote about the requirement of wives to love their husbands. I look forward to hearing more of what's been laid your heart to share.

Blessings

Hmmm. I have noticed that my wife isn't God either, and that while we both have times when our preference would be to shove one another under a speeding bus, we always bounce back to our first devotion.

What helps me is a better understanding of love as desiring the highest and best for her at all times, and that centers around wanting most to see her madly in love with Jesus. Funny how when she is there, I am in the best place possible next to her!

When she is emotionally feeling my love for her, she relaxes more, enjoys her work more, has more ambition, and handles difficulty better. The opposite is also true. We have had 47 years of practice, and yet it works the same every day!

(And so after Adam awoke and saw the bandage where his rib had been removed, God presented to him his wife Eve.

His jaw hanging open with incredulity, Adam slowly walked all around her in amazement.

"God! Why did you make her so... beautiful?"

And God answered, "So that you would love her, Adam."

And Adam touched her and said, "God! Why did you make her so soft?"

And God said, "So that you would hold her, Adam."

And then Eve spoke.

And Adam said, "God! Why did you make her so..... stupid?"

And God said, "So that she would love you, Adam...")

Just had to throw that in for free...

Greetings ginnyrose

I really appreciate what you have shared here with us. I struggled for entire first half of my marriage looking at my husband in "expectation" I wanted and expected him to be everything and when he couldn't, when he failed I was angry, disappointed, and resentful. I was so sure every issue, every problem we had was because of his selfishness but then GOD got a hold of my heart and showed me the real trouble maker. Imagine my surprise when I looked in the mirror and realized it was me. I had so much to repent of and to turn from, the attitudes in my heart were all wrong. They were so worldly. The LORD took me to a place and together with HIM I started all over in my marriage and I learned to love my husband with a CHRIST like heart instead of a worldly one. I learned what it meant to truly care for and love a person not out of selfish motivations but because of CHRIST in me. There are times when my DH still does things(as I know I do) but instead of pouncing and getting angry, now we talk and most important I listen. Makes all the difference. I know longer look at all his failures, in fact I don't allow myself to ever look back and pull up a past sin or failure where our marriage is concerned, and my husband doesn't either(Thank you LORD)
Seeing my husband as my husband and not as my everything was really difficult for me at first but I know that I had to come to that place or my marriage would have ended. Besides I have also come to realize how sinful it is to put that "expectation" on another person when there is no possible way they can live up to it. I can't live up to it so why should I expect him to be able to? So unfair and selfish on my part really. GOD has been good, HE has shown me so much and helped to right my view of my husband, our marriage, and HIMSELF as LORD of my life. JESUS alone is my everything, HE alone is my LORD and SAVIOR, that HE has allowed me to make this journey in life with my DH is a blessing and gift. I am thankful for and do not want to abuse. My heart now is to daily love my husband with the heart of CHRIST. To honor JESUS by loving and caring for my husband and family and its a real good place to be :)

God bless
maryjane

Jeremy,

I am not done, not nearly. I am sharing only small bits at a time. People will not read long posts, at least I am inclined not to so I am writing in small bits at a time...

Yes, there is Proverbs 31, I Corinthians 13 and others...

But do share, I welcome this...

Love it!

You are so right - I have learned that from experience as well.

I love that 'free' piece.

BTW, I had always thought you were a woman...SIGH But that is ok; still appreciate your posts.

Sandra! Not a woman here! Old Vietnam combat vet biker yes, woman no.

And I love you my dear sister!

Glad we got that cleared up!

As I ponder on how a wife is to love her husband my mind goes to the verse where Jesus tell us we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. This verse packs a powerful punch.

One, my spouse is NOT my neighbor - my neighbor lives at an arms length from me. My spouse lives beside me, with me, he is part of me; he is the one I bed with every night. He is a part of me, not my neighbor. Now this verse tell us we are to love as we love ourselves. hmmmm....How do I love myself? I will not deliberately injure myself mentally, socially, physically..how do I extend this love, care to my husband? The golden rule - do unto other as you would have them do to you includes your spouse.

The Holy Spirit has given me a question that has had a profound impact on me: would I want to be married to me? Would I want to be married to someone exactly like me? Your answer would be revealing, informative of what your own failures are, where you need improvement.

When we experience a failure in how we respond, perform as as spouse, we need to ask the LORD for enabling strength to do as we know we need to. God is more interested in the our homes, our relationships then we are. When we allow God to be our head, our boss, it will be amazing what will happen although it may not happen according to our schedule.

More later...

Comments welcomed...

Thank you for sharing ginnyrose.

This is a good word in due season.

My wife and I have 8 children. 7 daughters, 1 son.

To God be the glory!

:-)

Hi Ginny,

What bugs me is the frivolity I see. The effects of infant dedication include young women growing up in Christian families assuming zeal and passion for the church or the traditions of their family constitute Truth and Life. I think the concept of Christian family that assumes rebirth should be done away with completely. Just as we are aliens and strange so must we relate to our natural family.

As I seriously considered my next post I was in a quandary what to write because there was a quality that kept coming back to me and I finally - after meditating a while - concluded I must introduce it now. It is very difficult to discuss loving your spouse without mentioning submission.

I see on the list in Titus 2 where loving your husband is the first and submission is the last one. As I see it in godly homemaking these are the anchors in how one performs, does her duty.

In considering submission, loving one's spouse it seems to me one cannot love without submitting. (Jesus says if ye love me, keep my commandments.) It is like the thumb on the hand. The thumb is what enhances the usefulness of the fingers: it opposes the fingers so it can grip.

Think about it a while...

Will be back, Lord willing.

Jeremy,

I am not quite sure I understand what you're are saying.

Not sure how to respond...did write quite a bit then deleted it.

Are you saying some think that being born into a Christian family will negate the need for rebirth??? Lord, have mercy! if this is the case.

Submission is a dirty word in many quarters: "What??!! Me submit to him??" "You kidding?" Yet, as we look at submission we find it everywhere, even among those who eschew it.

Let us take a look at the creation. The Godhead - working in unity (cooperation) - fashioned a man in their own image - a Godhead who worked in unity, cooperation. Man was made a social being that needed fellowship, companionship just like the Godhead after which he was fashioned.

In cooperation there is always recognition that someone is in charge, this person has superior knowledge who uses it to enhance the relationship, one that works for the good of all involved. The leader is not dictatorial but serves with a sacrificial heart for the good of the others. As a result affection grows for the leader, rooted in deep respect for his knowledge/wisdom. This is how it was in the Garden as God walked with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day. But something happened. This couple, who were the recipients of the greatest kindness ever bestowed upon man, allowed another creature to beguile them into questioning God's motives. Now, man has become embroiled in a battle that has never ended.

Today we are surrounded by forces on every side that compete for our allegiance. But the worse one is the one that resides in our hearts: our own self-will. The will whose primary concern is for my own well-being with no consideration how it will effect others. "I want what I want and you get out of my way!" is the mindset that bedevils moderns. We know this trait to be selfishness - people are slaves to their own self-will.

As slaves to their own self-will people will look to others who will enhance their own self-image. It could be fashions, power as exercised by those in politics, money, social connections - you name it. People submit to others all the time.

In society, in social life there is a submission in how one relates to the group - you work to please. In the workplace there are bosses to whom you must submit if you want a job, that is. If you are insubordinate you may find yourself out of a job or relegated to something you absolutely do not like. When driving a vehicle, there are traffic laws one must observe and if you ignore them you will find yourself in the cross-hairs of the law.

Man, women, children are all subject to submit to someone somewhere, somehow. You cannot escape it, not even if you end up in the prison.

More later...

Romans 6:16: Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness?

Hi Ginny,

Thanks for asking for clarification. I am saying that the environment of a Christian family, as in a family where both parents are believers and usually involved in a local body, can lead to deception about what it is to be born again. This can be demonstrated in easy believism followed by years of youthful zealous activity for the Lord. But then the zeal is consumed and the real state of the child is revealed. The zeal that was taken to be Life is shown to be flesh and parents who were so proud of their children are now ashamed. The desire to protect their children allowed false doctrine and a works based righteousness in. They wanted that boxed checked along with the others, money, home, spouse and grandchildren.

So, is the family the shadow or the Heavenly? Where is the real life lived?

I hope that elaborates it more clearly.

Re: submission.

Submission is only a dirty word when it comes to wife/husband, us/God, and sometimes parent/child. Everywhere else in society we take the need of for submission, as you well pointed out. I disagree with one statement that you made: "this person has superior knowledge.” That is not necessarily the case in the husband/wife relationship. Some women are more able and/or have more knowledge than their husband. Submission does not imply that one is above/better than another and God does not ask women to submit to their husbands because they are better/more able than women. God asks us to submit to our husbands because God knows what is best, and that should be enough for us, shouldn't it?

For some, it may be useful to remember that God made men and women, He invented marriage, and He knows that is what is necessary for both men and women to be their best in the marriage. Those of us who have practiced submission find it a place of safety, comfort, and peace.

One thing that I have not heard discussed much is the fact that human marriage between a man and a woman is just a reflection of the relationship that the church is supposed to have to Christ. (See e.g. Eph. 5: 31-32) So, as women, we ought to be humbled and awed that, in submitting to our husbands as God has asked us to do, He has given the responsibility to model for the rest of believers (including men) the attitude of the heart that we must all have toward Christ.

Another thought about submission is that in submitting to our husband, we are in reality submitting to God. Many women say that they would submit, but their husband is so ungodly! The answer to such a statement is that in submitting to your husband, whether he is godly or not (as long as He is not asking you to go against God’s Word) you are in fact submitting TO GOD, and you can rest in knowing that the consequence of your obedience can be left in God’s hands. Second, if you refuse to submit because your husband is ungodly, you are in fact refusing to submit to God Himself, which is a serious sin. Third, by refusing to submit you are in fact refusing to help your husband repent of his ungodliness. (See 1 Peter 3:1-2).

In studying this topic, meditating on it, I am humbled, if you want to say so, how one is under authority in every area of life and the seriousness of rebelling against that authority.

Submitting to authority was an written code before the law which reinforced it with the NT reinforcing it some more. It is nothing new. Rebelling against it was initiated by Lucifer who felt he needed some recognition and power. And...is that not at the heart of all rebellion? Power lesson, here.

As I check the NT for who one is to submit to, I find an interesting list:

1. Submit to God. James 4:7: "Submit therefore to God"

2. Church servants. 1Cor. 16:16:"that you also be in subjection to such men and to everyone who helps in the work and labors."

3. To the brotherhood [of Believers]. Ephesians 5:21: "and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ."

4. Wives to husbands. Ephesians 5:22: "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." Also Col. 3:18

5. Your church leaders. Hebrews 13:17: "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you."

6. Civil leaders. 1Peter 2:13-17: " 13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, 14 or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right. 15 For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. 16Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God. 17 Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.

7. The elder, the elderly. 1Peter 5:7: "You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE."

8. Children to parents. Ephesian 6:1,2: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise)."

9. Servants to your master. Col. 3:22-24: "Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

As I study this list I am becoming more aware the seriousness of failure to submit. For example in Col.3:25: "For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality." And this verse follows the one commanding servants/employees being subject to their master/employer!

I am also aware that obedience is conditional in some of these entities. For example, civil authority, when commands are given that conflict with one serving the LORD, the command is to flee, not rebel. One is to remove the false teacher from leadership is another. One could enlarge on this a lot more, but that is beyond the topic of this thread. The issue we want to deal with has to do with husband and wife relationships.

What does submission look like in husband and wife relationship? I love the definition our deacon gave one day in a sermon. He said a wife is to make available to her husband her skills, her talents, her insights for his use. This is right in line when God said he will make a helpmeet suitable for Adam. Adam was made deficient - he was not complete. He was made this way. Then God created another being - a woman - to bridge that gap. Man was now complete. Beautiful! Don't you think so? Adam thought so, too, apparently, when God brought Eve to him in her full glory. Some preachers have told us that Adams exclamation on seeing Eve was one of great exhilaration, delight, pleasure!

But the devil did not like this so he stuck his foot in the door and they opened it up to him.

To be continued.

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QUOTE:
" I disagree with one statement that you made: "this person has superior knowledge.”
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I agree, maybe. I did not make it clear that I was referring to human relationships. Whenever you have a group of people a leader will emerge not necessarily by design but because of his/her skills, insights and ability to motivate others to work together. I would think this person's ability to accomplish this would indicate being aware of the dynamics of a group and how one can utilize it for the betterment of all involved.

But do they have more knowledge? This is a question I have to ponder. I know in my relationship with my husband I know more then he does in some areas, but he is able to take that knowledge and use it... Yet, who cares who has the superior knowledge? Actually, I don't care. I have enough to do in life, that this does not bother me. In reality I know more people who know more then I do and I love to pick their brains to enlighten me! What distress me is when I see more knowledgeable people pass off the scene(by dying) which leaves me/us at the 'top'! Who can we go to for advice, for insights? Scary.

EDIT: Natalie, does this make sense?

the environment of a Christian family... can lead to deception about what it is to be born again. This can be demonstrated in easy believism followed by years of youthful zealous activity for the Lord

The desire to protect their children allowed false doctrine and a works based righteousness in

Jeremy - I think those with young families would benefit if you (or others) could share notes on any experience or observation you have of families who effectively discouraged these errors while also:

* modeling the mind of Christ through daily life as intentional spiritual education (demonstrating what is real, good, desirable and normal in God's eyes)

* welcoming the children into that life of God to (incompletely and prematurely) "taste and see that the Lord is good" to the extent that He enables their young minds

This is not intended as a dispute. I would sincerely like to hear where you discern the line between rightful training in an as-yet foreign righteousness and harmful incubation of self-righteous works.

Ok, I get it...

You are asking some tough questions. You remind me of a comment I remember mom and dad discussing when I was a young girl: they believe one should push your children out into the world and then win them back. Jeremy, this concept troubles me. I do not find anything in the WORD that would support this theory.

The problem you delineated happens a lot. The alternative is that children grow up wild, get into all kinds of devilment whose consequences will dog them the rest of their lives. Which is the better?

The reality is that salvation is of the LORD. We work to protect our children from addictive behaviors, be it drugs or porn, or immorality which is also addictive. To wrestle free from these evils is difficult at best. The memory of having indulged in them will be used by the devil to come back to haunt them with temptation later and many times people will succumb, to their own grief and sorrow.

Jeremy, I used to desire that we could teach our children the WORD, the walk so that when they become adults they could pick up from where we left off and grow to be better Christians then we are. Well - surprise! Life does not happen that way. All Believers must start at square one, just like we did as did our forbears.

I know many kinfolks who learned the Christian culture, were serious observers of it only to find themselves feeling empty, finding that culture does not redeem one from sin and temptation. But does one discard Christian culture because it cannot and does not save? To discard it would mean you would embrace ungodly culture - there is no neutral ground - it is an either/or.

We may have a godly Christian home and if your children are all little they are just cute little sinners whom you teach that they should obey, not lie, cheat or steal or....

QUOTE:
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The desire to protect their children allowed false doctrine and a works based righteousness in.
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May I suggest that a works based theology dogs people of every stripe. It ranges everywhere from thinking that if I do as the church says I will be saved to "I do not think I am such a bad person that God would send me to hell!" I am not so sure that one can escape this temptation without knowing the LORD intimately.

Did I read you correctly? What is on your mind?

This is just a quick initial reply. Please train your children to live godly lives, respect and obey their parents and to love and cherish their family. Please teach them the Bible and show them the Lord and teach them about how to repent but always live in a way that recognizes that flesh bears flesh but only the Spirit can give birth to new spiritual beings.

AMEN!

Cannot add a whole lot except to say a parent needs to apologize to the child for wrongs done to him/her. This will show what repentance looks like where the rubber meets the road.

I say this because there is a common sentiment here that suggests that you can have Christian family as though that were an attainable goal for a couple and especially for a homemaker. You could say, yes, it is an attainable goal but experience and the testimonies of others state thst you can't. A home that reflects Christ's life is one that is lived by that Life. As ginnyrose and others have already stated, they didn't start to truly love their husbands until the Holy Spirit removed the idolatry of natural worship and replaced it with a Holy pure love. The same goes for raising children. I've seen enough kids who are raised to love the same ungodly things their parents do, in 'Christian' homes, only to see the children encounter Christ and purge those completely. Or the difference between a clean home and a Holy home. Homemakers can naturally maintain a clean home but a Holy home that is pure and does reek of ambition and sensual lusts is a divine miracle. I'm really thankful you are sharing on this, to expound on the true Heavenly mysteries of godly homemaking will involve a real battle in the Heavenlies. Grace on you sister.

Brother,

You are being realistic, are you not? This post reminds me of a course I took at Bible School "The Christian Family" taught by Bro. Elmer Jantzi. By its end we all wished we could go out, get married and have a family next week! But he warned us by saying he had taught this course for many years and years later one of his female students told him, "when I left this class I had seven rules for training children. Today I have seven children and no rules!"

Back to the subject Jeremy raised. Being a wife, a mom challenges us in every sense possible. I am totally convinced God uses your spouse, your children to knock off the rough edges, to shape you to fit you for heaven. The work is very difficult and can only be done when you walk with the LORD.

Why children will still walk away from your sincere, honest teaching is because they are exercising their free will, just like Adam and Eve did. When this happens we do not give up, we still keep on being mom or dad, loving them still, sometimes exercising tough love. The weakness of focusing on techniques in being a spouse or a parent is that we are focusing too much on me working, my performance. The outcome is a reflection on how I worked. If a child goes wayward or does things opposite of what we considered important then that means my performance was poor. Maybe it was, but maybe not. The best lesson Scripture teaches one on this issue is to note the children of godly and ungodly people in the WORD. The most profound lesson is that redemption and holiness is a work of the Holy Spirit. All we can do is provide an environment in which God can easily work, one that works in cooperation with his will. But this will not ensure success.

We have observed this in others and have experienced it ourselves.

You raised important issues, Jeremy. Insightful. Thanks!

Sandra

I have mentioned that God made men and women different. How we learn, perceive information, how we process this information and utilize it is very different. (If you want to learn more about it google "differences between men and women".) It is in these differences where the devil will work to get men and women into conflicts. Big time.

It helps a lot to study your spouse, to understand how he learns, processes information and utilizes it. What will complicate this process in the wife's mind is how responsible does my husband work, or perform with what is given him? May I suggest that it is this issue that likely drives greater wedges between husband and wives then anything else. When a wife sees serious flaws in her husbands' performance how is she to still love and submit? Sometimes, if the issues are so serious, I would suggest one seek out the insight of a wise person who knows you both for advice.

In the meantime we must consider carefully how is a wife to love when these difference threaten to derail her love for her husband. 1Corinthians 13 teaches us a lot about love; it describes what it does and will not do. Let us take a look:

1Corinthians 13 - NASB

1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains,but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Comment: You can be ever so religious, so knowledgeable about the WORD, be the best Bible teacher in your church but if you do not show love at home you are nothing. Nothing. How much is that? All the accolades you garner in your religious activities are nothing if you are not loving at home.

4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

COMMENT: You are patient, you are kind. You are not jealous of your spouse, of his/her accomplishments or praise. If you are an an expert in your field of work, you do not become arrogant because of your [supposedly] expertise. Your family knows how human you are and can be annoying at times..Be humble and be patient with others who do not perceive life as you do.

5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked,

COMMENT: Do not develop a mindset of your self-importance. Do not seek out praise. If recognition is not forthcoming, let it be, just keep on serving with humility that what God has called you to do.

5 does not take into account a wrong suffered,

COMMENT: Opps! we are not to remember offenses inflicted upon us. Ouch! Don't keep reminding your husband or children of how wrong they were - you are sometimes wrong, too. One can stew in perceived injustices suffered via your husband, children or others but where will it get you? Nowhere. Except you will only sink deeper into the mud of self-pity from which there is no escape apart from a miraculous encounter with the Savior.

6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

COMMENT: We love to see righteousness prevail. We grieve when sin governs ones life. We do not resort to unholy vengeance to fix things that are seriously wrong.

7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

COMMENT: We are tolerant; we believe what is said unless we know the person to be a liar. We are ever optimistic about our husband, children, allowing them to know we believe in them wanting to do what is best. When our husband knows we are still trusting in him to do the best, even when we doubt - having expressed that earlier, it will endear him to you. AND...surprise, we are wrong sometimes, too. AND so are they. We must give each other wiggle room to learn through errors, mistakes. We learn, we endure TOGETHER. Life is hard. Our prince charming on a spirited steed also lives where life meets the road.

8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.

COMMENT: Spiritual gifts mean little, they will fail but love will prevail. No amount of sermonizing or the exercising of spiritual gifts to your spouse will ever minister to his/her needs. If you cannot love, living sacrificially for your family, all your spiritual abilities will be nothing - it will not help you or them. These spiritual gifts will end, but love never will.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

COMMENT: When I was a kid I thought and acted like one. Now that I have become an adult I think and act like one. No room for childish behaviors in a marriage. Children are self-centered, thinking only about their own welfare, interests. Can't do that in a marriage: it is about serving others, enhancing their existence. When we help them to succeed we will also benefit.

12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

COMMENT: Love endures. It exceeds that of faith and hope. Actually, faith and hope apart from love cannot exist. Love is the motivator, the glue that sustains.

How can I show love to my husband in face of the principles outlined in this chapter?

One cannot long discuss loving ones spouse without referring to Peter's admonition on this subject. For many it evokes a sense of pain because of spousal abuse; others it exposes a rebellious spirit; and others it is annoying because submission is not a part of their lifestyle regardless what situation they find themselves in. Before we get into chapter three let us look at the context which begins in chapter two.

1Peter 2:13-16 NASB
13 Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority,

14 or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right.

15 For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.

16 Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God.

God's people are here as servants of the most high God whose purpose is to prepare us for eternity, to live with Him.

As we are in this school of LIFE we are pressured to get entangled in many power struggles that will rob us of our goal to be pure and holy before Him. These power struggles will also distract us from our goal because they are all-consuming.

Peter is teaching us here that one should submit to existing authorities; and to allow the spirit of Christ to be our teacher and motivator in how one deals with pressures that work to distract us from serving Him. v21. Have you not experienced how one can become so consumed with political theories how gov should be run that it absorbs all our thinking? And before too long you get involved in strife and that is giving in to the lusts of the flesh.

Is it not amazing that by allowing the Spirit of God to be our God how we do attract ungodly people to Him? Have we not heard testimonies of ungodly people complimenting on the work ethic, the good citizenship of godly people living in their midst? How God prospers godly people who do submit to existing authority?

Basically, what Peter is admonishing here, and in the chapter to come, is that do NOT get involved in power struggles. He does go on and share in what way we will find ourselves tempted to get entangled. It is all around us.

More later....

As I look at 1Peter 2 I see where the subject of submission impacts males more for the most part because of their nature. Male's nature is to be a provider, protector, defender for those in their charge. They are the aggressor against any and all who would challenge their turf.

For a male to have to submit would mean there is someone who dares to call the shots and he has to acknowledge that and submit to that authority. For a male who is living in submission to the LORDship of the LORD Jesus this is a challenge at the worst and not difficult at the best because he knows who his master is and that his master is in control of existing authority.

I am pointing out this reality because of what is said in chapter 3. There wives are told to submit to their husbands and many wives today dig in their heels and say "NO!". Too many times these women have seen men who refuse to submit to authority in their own lives but want women to submit to them; have heard sermons directed towards them, based on 1Peter 3, but the preacher ignored the directive addressed [primarily] to males in the preceding chapter. I consider this sad. (I have witnessed this myself - you are left feeling singled out for submission and the men run over people with nary a word of warning....)

In any case, regardless what people do out there, we are still called to obedience so the HOLY SPIRIT can change us from glory to glory and we do so by submitting to authority set over us, not getting entangled in power struggles where they be.

And it sure does help us when we see our husbands walking in the fear of the LORD, submitting to the authority of God by submitting to the authorities they encounter in their own work and life.

More later...

It takes some wisdom to get this, but Godly submission is the place of power in the shelter of protection.

The proverbs 31 woman is living with great power, but husband sipping his latte at the city gate with his friends is the barrier any must confront to get to her. She is not alone and independent.

Jesus is of course the greatest example of great power and complete submission. He is the vision for us to be the power God so desperately wants to be able to use for His purposes in the earth- but we recoil from submission as if it were a venomous snake. If we would learn it, who knows what phenomenal blessing and power might be unleashed on an unsuspecting heathen public?

When a woman submits to her husband with Godly wisdom, she puts tremendous pressure on him to become a man of God. She is under no obligation to obey illicit commands, things that violate what she knows are in the law of God, but she will force him to lead in righteousness. She will communicate her needs and desires to him, and not be ashamed. Her foundational submission is to her savior Jesus.

My wife has made me a better leader, she is submissive but will not tolerate any crap! She lets me know when I am out of line, praises me when I do the right thing. I have come to treasure her wisdom, I give her anything she wants, and I know that her integrity won't allow her to abuse any of our home's defenses.

This demonstration on her part has given me a clearer picture of just what submission should be, and I want it to be real in me. Submission truly is the key to both intimacy and power- the very things I want most from God.

Thank you Sandra for this conversation, I would bet big money (rhetorically speaking) that you understand these things very well!

1Peter 3:1: "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands.." NASB

I want to comment on the word "own". This is extremely important as we look at this concept of submission. Many females are turned off by this concept of submission because of what they see in the lives of other males. Some guys are so obnoxious they cannot stomach the idea of living in submission to a creature like him because they may perceive this trait to be the norm for males. On the other end of the spectrum they find extremely admirable men and wish they could have a husband like that or maybe wish they could manufacture a man that would be a combination of the qualities they find admirable. So you see women want to be married to a perfect man. And surprise! no such creature exists. And...surprise #2: no perfect female exists, either.

After the honeymoon is over you do find that your knight in shining armour does not always wear his shiny armour, that there is flesh and blood underneath; that he is not all-powerful, and maybe not as wonderful as you thought he was. There are flaws that you never saw before. He has weaknesses, his perceptions are not as great as yours. He is vulnerable. You look over the fence and see a male who seems to have it all together better then your husband and so you start comparing men and complaining and if not checked, lusting for something that does not belong to you.

The WORD says to be subject to your OWN husband. Leave the others be. They are NOT your responsibility - got enough to do with the man you married. Since this is the case, focus your eyes on him and no one else. Work with him...share with him. He is not complete and that is why he needs you. And...you need him, believe it or not.

I need my husband; by nature he is laid back, a very patient ma. And me? I am the opposite: I want things done by yesterday and do not suffer fools gladly. He has a sense of humor - can turn something annoying into something laughable. I needed this. And me help him? Yes, he does need me and I had to learn to render this help patiently. He had to learn that my insights are important and needed to be seriously considered and failure to do so may bring grief. When this happens, I had to learn to be graceful and not say, "I told you so." Sisters, we need to learn to be graceful in face of us being proven to be right and they wrong - after all, we are not always right either. So you see, we - my husband and I, you and your husband - are in this work TOGETHER and we must learn to work together and now allow any power struggles erupt within this relationship.

The creation of a man and woman was born in the mind of God. It is the epitome of his creation. But sin reared it head and today works to destroy this wonderful thing God has made. So, can we not work with the LORD to bring back some of the glory he intended for this relationship to bloom and prosper? I think we can, but it needs constant effort. You need to work at it because the devil is constantly looking for ways to drive a wedge between you and your husband. He is the enemy and will use adverse situations to accomplish this hence the need to be on guard at all times.

More later....

QUOTE:
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we recoil from submission as if it were a venomous snake.
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AMEN! Submission is actually liberating. Maybe you want to enlarge on this, Sidewalk?

I think you must have a wonderful wife, Sidewalk. You are praising her in the gates! Beautiful! I love it. I love to hear men praise their wives! I would guess if more men would do so it would diffuse a lot of the anti-male rhetoric one hears.

Sidewalk, your testimony on this subject is incalculable. God bless you and your dear wife.

Sandra

1Peter 3:1,2:
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,

2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

I would like to step back a bit and take a look at why we are here, why are we subjected to tests of character by having over us froward, obnoxious authority figures and being told to submit to them.

God created man for fellowship - He is a social being. Heaven was populated with angels but there arose a rebellion led by Lucifer...we know the story. As I would understand from knowing the WORD, God still wanted people who would choose to obey him with no reservations, obey him with no doubt, no question doing it all joyfully. How else could he populate heaven unless he had them go through a serious training course in learning submission to authority, obeying when it makes no sense but trusting in the authority anyways believing the authority may know something they don't and even if they don't, you submit anyways. People who have gone through this training of submission, passed it, learned it will be fit to populate heaven. God does not want Lucifer #2 - Lucifer #1 was enough. When I view life from this perspective, that God is working to teach me submission in order to prepare me for a life in heaven all these situations that challenge me to submit does not seem all that troublesome.

So then, this is why we are told to submit to authority so the unbelieving spouse can be won by your chaste and respectful behaviors. This is for all relationships but in this particular verse he is addressing this principle to the wife/husband relationship. Our goal to to be in a position where our spouse can see God in us and be won to Him. Simple.

Seems to me when we look at the larger picture, everything else seems to fall in place and not seem so difficult. Don't you agree?

2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

3 Do not let your adorning be external””the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear””

4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

The scriptures define how a wife should live in submission to her husband. Let us take a look to see how God would have us relate to our husband.

It says we are to be respectful and pure, having a gentle and quiet spirit. This flies in face of a natural bent to outward adorning believing we are counted worthy of value by the way we dress ourselves with fashionable hairdos, jewelry or expensive clothes. These things are outward, put on for show, competing with another for attention. Once again it is a way in which the lust for power asserts itself. God can use only meek people - people who are teachable, willing to learn and being led. Moses was considered the meekest person and what was he like? It was when he took matters into his own hands that derailed his right to enter Canaan...think about that a while.

There are many wives who find themselves in a dilemma of pleasing her husband and God as well. Some men want their wives to look like a fashion model, a women to be put on display to other men to show what they got - a lot like a hunter who bagged a trophy deer that is photographed and whose head is mounted on the wall for all to see!

So, what does it mean to be pure? Moral purity is defined as one who is does not indulge in immorality. It is a wife who keeps her mind and body exclusively for her husband, allowing him only access to it because it belongs to him. This is purity. This is God's will, its function coming from the creative genius that can only come from a divine creator. And He called it good. We are called to preserve it, embrace it and live it.

Being pure, respectful, not allowing our emotions control our behaviors - this is how God wants us to submit to our husband. And He calls it precious. Imagine that!

1Peter 3:7

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered

I would like to comment on the word 'weaker'.

When I was a teen I saw the transition from a female being regarded as weak to one who should never allow natural bodily functions - that occur once a month - to impede an active lifestyle: go ahead and do whatever you have been used to doing. I regard this mindset as a contributor to a weakening of female health and one that impacts child-bearing ability.

The old people were very much aware of the importance of how hard a girl works during this time of the month when she is shedding blood. They would limit her activities to light work - no hard work like lifting, etc was allowed, not by rule but by mom and dad saying "no". (In the course of working on the farm my dad never allowed me to carry heavy loads like a 5 gal. bucketful of feed at any time.)

A females' body is much more complex then a males. It is made to birth children, nurture them in the womb and out of it. To accomplish this God made the female weaker so she cannot or should not do the hard physical labor that men do.

If females would be more considerate of their weaknesses, acknowledging God made men physically stronger and be accepting of their limitations, it would promote health. (Many of my husband's aunts had conception difficulties. The doctor told them they worked too hard during their developing years.) While females lack brute strength inherent to males our strength lies in childbearing - we have a much greater pain tolerance then males.

On the practical level I suggest wives study the OT laws concerning uncleanness as pertains to childbearing and menstruation. Separate the ritual washings and sacrifices from those laws and try to understand how observance of them would impact your health. Every time, it would mean limiting your physical activities. It means being quiet, still. And what would happen if you were to do that a few days every month? From experience I can say that when you allow your body a three day rest from hard work every month - beginning at the onset of your 'flow' - you will have so much more energy the rest of the month that you never did miss those three days of rest. Really!

I have mentioned the physical weakness, there are also emotional weaknesses. Inherent in our childbearing body, there are hormonal fluctuations that impact us how we feel, how we respond to life and its challenges. Men, be considerate of these and be patient. We do not enjoy these fluctuations at all; we need the loving support of our husband in order to function well. If you are crude, demanding the WORD says God will not hear your prayers! Think about that! God answering your prayers is contingent upon how you treat your wife!

More could be said, I am sure, but the bottom line is that modern feminism does not promote female health, but God's word does. We do well to take note, asking God for illumination, to teach us.

Awesome, Sandra! Thank you!

Thanks for posting! That is all truth from the Bible.

God Bless!
Gary Jr

IPeter 3:6

6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

I would like to comment on Sarah and Abraham's relationship and the lessons one can learn from observing what the WORD has to say about them, especially so since Peter is using them as an example of how a husband and wife relation should look like.

I am not going to quote book/chapter/verses much in what I am going to say - I am expecting the reader to be familiar with their story...let us consider.

Peter notes that Sarah called her husband 'Lord'. This would indicate that she recognizes his authority in their relationship. But did Sarah always do her work as a wife perfectly? Did Abraham always do his duty perfectly as a husband and leader in the home? The answer to both questions is 'no'. Yet scriptures uses them as an example for us to take lessons. What can be learned?

1. Failures did not color their relationship.

2. Failures did not mean they quit.

3. Failures did not mean they abandoned each other.

4. They accepted failures and kept right on in their relationship.

5. They learned to accept the consequences of their mistakes and kept right on.

Does this not teach us something?

There is another aspect of Sarah I find totally intriguing. It is something the scripture does not address but is simply a matter of connecting the dots.

Polygamous was an accepted form of relationships back then. Sarah resorted to it when she believed she must help God out in keeping his promise in giving them a child. She learned to her grief this was a huge mistake. But as long as Sarah lived this was the only other 'wife' or concubine Abraham had and it was at Sarah's suggestion.

Fast forward - Sarah died and Abraham married Keturah, Gen. 25:1, "Then again Abraham took a wife, and her name was Keturah and he had six sons with her." In addition to Keturah he had other concubines (note plural), verse 6: "But unto the sons of the concubines, which Abraham had, Abraham gave gifts, and sent them away from Isaac his son, while he yet lived, eastward, unto the east country." How many children Abraham fathered we do not know.

What was there about Sarah that prevented Abraham from taking a harem of more wives and concubines while she still lived? Somehow I suspect she was a very strong woman who staked out her claim on her husband, that he belongs only to her and her only; no other woman is going to lay any claim to him! I like that! What would happen if all wives would be that possessive of their husband? I do wonder if Abraham did not like that as well?

Amazing woman, that Sarah...

What does Sarah's example teach you?

1Peter 3:8-11 NASB

8 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;

9 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.

10 For, "THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.

11"HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT.

COMMENT:

Our focus has been on husband/wife relationships, however, Peter includes this in in all of relationships as we live and work in society and our community in general. What is true in civil associations is also true employee/employer, husband/wife relationships.

Let us take a look at the behaviors that should characterize a Believer:

1. Be harmonious. Different parts all working together for the good of what is before us needing to be done. Ever look at a grain harvester? I was always intrigued at all the belts, pulleys, gears, and lots of other different parts moving, shaking together to assist this machine to cut with the cycle bar and the reel that brings it into the rollers that will feed it into the machine for separation. They ALL work together - awesome. If anything gets out of sync, woe! It may do us good to find a machine that does complex work, observing how the parts are all working together...Powerful lesson there.

2.Sympathetic. Being sensitive to the weakness, limitations of another and being willing to assist helping them carry their load or just doing it for them allowing them to rest and rejuvenate what ever impedes their performance.

3. Brotherly. Ah, who does not have a good brother? I have one and how I love him! We bounce off each other, appreciate each other, both telling each other the way it is - not resorting to tact or hints but being upfront. Sorry is the person who does not have a brother or sister to bounce off of. The sibling of the opposite sex can share a perspective that one of the same sex cannot. We work for the good of each other - this is brotherly kindness - and the pay is satisfaction and appreciation.

4. Kindhearted. The opposite of malice, wrath. Just being nice and considerate.

5. Humble in spirit. Being teachable, one who is honest and not pretentious.

6. Do not return evil for evil, insult for insult but blessing.

Just think about it: how many times is it easy to violate these principles in a marriage relationship? It may be easy to be nice to a stranger, your friend but what about your spouse? You tired of being nice all day and now when you are alone you crap on each other? What does the WORD say? "THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.
HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT." This means us in our homes, in our marriage relationship. But if and when we do fail, it is in our best interest to apologize ASAP. Scripture also says to not let the sun go down on your wrath...this means that if you are mad at your husband (or wife) you better apologize before you go to sleep. If you allow a night to pass and the anger is not resolved it will become inbedded so deep in your psyche that it will poison your attitude in every way possible. What began as a small thing will morph into a gigantic monster that will control you - you no longer control it. To retract, undoing the damage will be a whole lot harder then if it was nipped in the bud.

And if it is all his fault...what do you do? Perhaps it may help for you to swallow your pride and ask what you can do to help him? Or, if the thing has become a controlling monster there may need to be some outside intervention...In any case God has called us to live peaceably. If it would come automatically to a spirit-filled couple these instructions would not be necessary, but we still live in the flesh and have to cope with our carnal nature. If you want peace, it must be pursued - it does not happen automatically.

God bless.

As I consider the scriptures command how a wife is to love her husband, I know there are those who wonder "how do you do it?" I find this question troubling - what did you do that attracted this man to you to begin with, before you ever married him? Did you not perceive in your spirit what pleased him and you did that? He liked it and came back for more? So, why is this an issue of not knowing?

A marriage is a melding of two very different people with differing abilities who bring to the table their perspectives on how something should be done or what makes something work. No one person knows it all, so we must submit our abilities, our insights to each other. I have learned that when an idea is presented and a discussion follows it will trigger other ideas that were lurking to be found but was impossible apart from the discussion that birthed it.

We grow tomatoes hydroponically. Since I am a female my ability to detect subtle changes in a plant is extremely useful in maintaining the health of the plant. Doing so one can implement changes in the care of them to prevent whatever threatens its health. While this is true in horticulture it is also true in raising animals,fowl: when you have a husband/wife team working together there are less problems because of a woman's intuitive abilities. This ability is well known to animal science, horticulture experts.

It is my opinion that a marriage is better served if the husband and wife are together in whatever occupation he chooses; that she be knowledgeable of what he is doing so she can help, being a help meet suitable. I know this is not always possible, but it is helpful to a relationship if the wife takes an interest in her husband's work.

Then there are things that make life nice, enjoyable that we can do to enhance our relationship because he knows you want to please him.

My husband loved homemade bread and he would get after me to make it. Well, I was not taught at home by mom to bake with yeast so I had to learn it all on my own. I tried and failed many times - I did not get the results I wanted. I did my research, reading all I could about baking with yeast. Eventually, I got good at it, so good I consider mass-produced-commercially made bread barely fit for human consumption! In any case, my husbands persistence in encouraging me made me want to keep on in face of the failures I had. How he loves it, and still does! I feel rewarded by his praise for it.

Not all men are alike. Some remember birthdays, anniversaries while others do not. To most females these are milestones that need to be remembered by her husband. If your husband does not, just be gracious and remind him far enough ahead of time so he can reward you! If he is clueless how that should be done, you may have to tell him, but do it graciously. And - if he still will not, you just may have to reward yourself but don't sweat it. If he is sweet otherwise, you just may have to chalk this up to a human weakness that won't be fixed!

Loving one's husband is a lifelong commitment you made before God and other witnesses. This commitment will be challenged at every level because the devil will work to destroy it - believe me he will! Since the concept of marriage between a man and woman comes from the creative mind of God, we can rest assured that when there are difficulties in relating to each other you can go to Him for insight, help to fix what is failing. He will be delighted to help you do that. Generally speaking, it may not happen overnight, but with time, so you need to be patient, learning to back off and not get in God's way of answering your prayer but being willing to cooperate when the Spirit bids you to do whatever is needed.

God bless.

The next phase in this discussion will have to do with part 2: loving your children.

Hi Ginny,

I've been on the other side of women trying to keep my attention. From what I have observed many young ladies follow the advice of trying to stay in the sweet spot. I've noticed the behaviour you recommend in young women who got someone that their clothing, hairstyle and general emotive behavior becomes fixed. On the other hand the young women who are not attached usually continue to try to explore outward behavior in dress and mannerisms to make themselves attractive. As an illustration, I would like to share something about some friends, a very dear couple. The brother expressed that he really enjoys things that sparkle. Interestingly, the dear sister, his wife, seems to delight in finding things that do so physically. The first time I met them, she did indeed sparkle but not due to her attire or ornaments. As the months passed, I saw the burdens and responsibilities extinguish her effervescence. She returned from a vacation with her husband and she was sparkling, indeed the thing my dear brother loves about her so much but it is within. The youthfulness that showcased it at first is starting to pass but she will remain, like what Peter says about the imperishable beauty of a meek and quiet spirit.

Well said, Jeremy.

I find it very sweet when an old couple, the husband whose wife has long since passed the flower of youth, says his wife is pretty/beautiful! You look at her and wonder - she pretty?

Beauty, indeed, comes from within. It is no accident that an angry woman will have lines on her face that reflect those emotions. If you really want to be beautiful, cultivate the graces that is becoming to a child of the King and that comes from following the Holy Spirit.

Love your comment, Jeremy.

Titus 2:4 NASB
4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

COMMENT:

At first glance one wonders why a mother has to be told to love her children. It is instinctive for a mother to love her young, is it not? You take most any female animal that just gave birth and she will be very protective of her babies. She will be suspicious of anyone she considers an intruder, a threat and take after you - even those mommies that normally are very docile. On the farm an animal that just gave birth is one you really need to watch or else she will have you run for safety! I learned that the hard way! But why does a human mother have to be told to love her children?

We must realize we are in a battle with the devil for the souls of our children. He will use our children to drive wedges between mom and dad, rob mom of her rest, you name it, the devil will use them as tools to ensure failure on our performance as mom. When this happens our love for them takes a hike.

There is only one thing a mom can do to maintain love for her children. Instinctive love occurs naturally, but that will diminish rapidly unless it is being replenished regularly with the LOVE of God in our hearts. This means you will have to stay close to the LORD, you will have to spend time alone with the LORD, be in his word and allow it to train you to love, how to think, how to order your life, always being sensitive to the Spirit. When you find your love for your child running short, ask for an infusion - He will give it to you.

What about a colicky baby that keeps one from sleeping? You become weary, tired, you feel like you are merely dragging and you say I have to spend time alone with the LORD?! Where will I ever find the time? When you become a mom, your first priority after God is your family. Socializing, shopping, careers, church work, charity work have to be put on hold - anything that interferes with mothering. If the husband is loving like he should be he will help you shoulder this burden when you become too weary - or better yet, will assist where you won't become too weary.

It is during these times one can learn a lot about the mercy and grace of God at work in your life. It is in mothering that the LORD uses these trials to knock off the rough edges in our character. When one allows God to work on us, using our children we will become patient but also learn when one needs to stand firm - we learn discernment but it is not done in one day or one year - it may take 30 years!

As time goes on you will learn that children are not automatons but humans with a will and it is this will that will give a parent pause and fits.

We had five children, four boys and one girl. It was during the time when they were all little that I felt I no longer loved them. They were a drag. One evening at church when time was given for prayer requests, I asked them to pray for me that I would love my children. God answered that prayer. In hind sight I can see how I allowed other things to crowd into my schedule, where I was too busy...

This is why we need to be reminded to love our children. God does not give us a command to do something without Him providing us with the resources to fulfill that command.

Hard work, sisters...

Catching up on this thread...what a blessing it is and has been. There is such a need for what used to be basic truths to be taught in our generation. I am very thankful for what you've been sharing on the calling of being a wife according to God's Word and way.

From your last post "When you become a mom, your first priority after God is your family. Socializing, shopping, careers, church work, charity work have to be put on hold - anything that interferes with mothering."

Yes. This has been almost entirely forgotten (or neglected)....women are fed the lie that thy can "have it all" without their husband or children suffering loss. The following quote touched my heart deeply when I first read it...

"A mother's first obligations””are to her children; she can have no holier or more sacred duties than those which relate to them. No amount of public religious service will atone for neglect of these. She may run to social and missionary meetings, and abound in all kinds of charitable activities, and may do very much good among the poor, carrying blessings to many other homes, and being a blessing to other people's children, through the Sunday school or mission school; but if she fails, meanwhile, to care for her own children””she can scarcely be commended as a faithful Christian mother! She has overlooked her first and most sacred duties, while she gives her hand and heart to those that are but secondary to her." - J.R. Miller

QUOTE:
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"A mother's first obligations””are to her children; she can have no holier or more sacred duties than those which relate to them. No amount of public religious service will atone for neglect of these. She may run to social and missionary meetings, and abound in all kinds of charitable activities, and may do very much good among the poor, carrying blessings to many other homes, and being a blessing to other people's children, through the Sunday school or mission school; but if she fails, meanwhile, to care for her own children””she can scarcely be commended as a faithful Christian mother! She has overlooked her first and most sacred duties, while she gives her hand and heart to those that are but secondary to her." - J.R. Miller
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This author said it well.

One more comment about this - I would guess if this would characterize our lifestyle it would conserve many a mom's physical energies that can best be used to guide her household.

Thanks for sharing this, Brandy.

What does loving a child entail? At first glance this seems like the dumbest question you heard all year, but let us consider what modern femininity has done to mothering.

Modern femininity has said you can have a career and a family all at the same time, giving quality time to each. Hey! men don't even have that much energy, why on earth are there folks who expect a woman to??!! Dumb. Ignorant.

Got off on a rabbit trail...back to the subject at hand, "what does loving a child entail?"

Nature has given us the equipment to nurse and feed a child - this is a no-brainer, but what about his character? How does one develop it?

We must always remember God has entrusted to us a cute little sinner that will need redeeming. While I consider him safe in his innocency we know the time will come when he/she realizes that he/she needs redeeming. In the meantime, how does one work at developing character? What does the WORD say?

Consider God's example how he came to the Garden of Eden at the cool of the day to visit with Adam and Eve. I often wonder what they talked about: did God teach plant and animal husbandry? What was there to talk about? There were no current events to discuss as we know it. In any case, I suspect God taught them well, perhaps even how to live outside the garden when that time came although they may not have been aware of it.

Fast forward to Abraham: Gen 18:19: "For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him." Abraham knew what his job as a leader in his home entailed: to teach the way of the LORD. To teach children morals, how to behave in life.

The law gave some very detailed instructions concerning teaching children. This law has never been changed.

Deu 6:5 And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

Deu 6:6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

Deu 6:7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

We must first love the LORD with all our hearts. Unless this is the reality one cannot do a decent job of communicating this to the children. Notice that it tells us when to do it: when you sit in your house, when you are out walking, when you are lying down, and when you get up. Teaching children God's way is an ongoing thing not limited to time, place and comfort.

I think often how Dad used to do this to me when I was a young girl. I used to trail him all over the farm - I was daddy's girl. :-) I remember so vividly walking with dad, my hand in his'; it being dark, stars shining brightly - being so beautiful and talking about how God made them...and I was awed. Or, when Dad would go to the basement of the chicken house where the coal furnace was and there he would remove his hat, take me into his arms and he would pray - do not remember about what, but he took me into that sanctuary. Fond memories and how it impacted me.

More later...

Let us continue with what the scriptures say about children.

Jesus loved children. I find it remarkable that mothers sensed He would because they brought them to him to be blessed! He also said if one were to offend a little one that believes in him it would be better to put a mill stone about his neck and cast into the sea. (Matt. 18:6) Children were precious to Jesus - he said to forbid them not when they want to come to him.

I am convinced we do not appreciate fully the impact the teaching of the WORD has upon a child. We do not have to wait until the perfect time to teach them: do it when driving, when you are walking, washing dishes, whenever you are doing something that requires little thought. Incorporate in your conversations how God did this or that evoking within your child a sense of the wonder and greatness of God. Observing nature provides one with an excellent springboard for such discussions.

And then there is music: does the music convey beauty of sound? Do the words say something besides 'God is good' or 'I love you'? Do the lyrics say why God is good and why I love you? Any details in the lyrics? You ever sing that song, "Jesus Loves Me this I know, for the Bible tells me so..." to your children? I used to substitute the word 'you' for the child's name. You can be creative with your music, making it personal.

The apostle Paul noted how Timothy was well versed in the scriptures: "And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures". (2Tim. 3:15) To emphasize the importance of teaching the scriptures seems redundant but you know there are many children today who do not know the Bible Stories! I find this tragic.

There is one source I highly recommend to parents who want their children to be well versed in the Bible Stories. Our children grew up with it and now we are buying these for our grandchildren. It is a large set of recordings called "Your Story Hour Recordings". They are very detailed, dramatized. If your children listen to them regularly they may soon know more about the Bible stories then you do! Our grandchildren have that reputation. (We buy them an album every year... the oldest son's family has already worn out two albums so we are now replacing them with CDs. They love to listen to them when they travel down here - a 13 hour drive. And they will listen to them over and over and over again, never tiring.) These stories will hide in their heart always teaching the subconscious mind how to live, think, respond. David says "Thy Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against Thee." We cannot replace the Holy Spirit's work in the life of a child, but the LORD does expect parents to teach the child, first by example then by verbal teaching.

More later...

As I was meditating on what to share in the next post there is one recurring idea that nagged me, prodded me, begging me to share. This is the principle of teaching doctrine to your children when sharing Bible Stories.

Many people groan when you mention doctrine, thinking it is boring and what does it have to do with us? Doctrine is extremely important. The scripture's theme is "Salvation/Redemption". The Bible the story of how man fell and how God works to redeem mankind; how man responds to this work of redemption. This is the basic doctrine of the WORD. All stories illustrate this basic theme. Unless this is taught the stories will end up meaning little, yet I would guess God can even use feeble attempts to his honor and glory.

Another value in teaching your children these stories is how they address issues, principles of life that we can relate to. Many times when I was in a situation not knowing which way to turn I will in my mind scan the scriptures for a story that addressed this principle and what did God say about it. It is essential the child learns these Bible characters are people like you and your neighbor.

Mom, if you feel like you are ignorant of Bible doctrines, do not despair! In your own private Bible study ask the LORD to show you what the scriptures teach you about Him, how it is demonstrated in life and how it will impact you - this is a short cut to learning scripture doctrine that does not require your attendance at a Bible class. It is a close as the Bible you have in your hand. Just be teachable, that is all. I did not learn everything by the time I was 30 although I sure thought then I knew a lot, but surprise! I am still learning - there is no end and that is wonderful because it just proves the magnificence of God.

Just do not forget that Bible Stories are illustrations of the attributes of God. This point should always be woven throughout the telling of all Bible stories.

God bless and more to come...

EDIT: One story I wanted to share but forgot.

R.C.Sproul is a well-known Bible teacher. Someone wrote about how he went to his church one Sunday hoping he could sit in his SS class. Problem was he was too old - Sproul taught pre-schoolers! It is his philosophy that 5 YOs need to be taught doctrine and that you need to start when a child is young.

This story has always challenged me.

Before I proceed further with this series, I feel compelled to inject a word of encouragement to moms whose children do not share their faith or lifestyle. When one talks about child rearing so many times moms of prodigals get extremely discouraged because their failures rise up and condemn her.

Let me share with you - we also have sons who do not share our faith. I know the grief this causes moms.

With prodigals we wonder where we have gone wrong in mothering our children? The devil will be sure to remind you of your many failures in the past and so you whip yourself emotionally, mentally and you fall into despair. We have buried a 25 YOU daughter due to cancer and I promise you I would much rather bury a child that is ready to meet the LORD then deal with a prodigal! Know why? Because when a child is terminally ill, you have the LORD right there beside you comforting you. He wants this person, her job is done so it is time to go home! The grief you experience then is normal, natural but when you throw yourself onto the LORD for help, he will be right there to lift you up. But with a prodigal, He grieves, too, so if He grieves where is the comfort?

So we have done wrong? Apologize. Discuss this with your child, clear the air. You expect your child to apologize when he did wrong, did you not? The devil will work to convince you that you will lose authority if you apologize...got news for you - this comes from the pit! Do not listen to that reasoning. Your apology may not effect him at all but it will clear you. And - above all things, do repent. Your child needs to see repentance displayed, lived out.

As moms we wonder where we have gone wrong in our teaching? There is no doubt we have made many mistakes - we all do - never met a perfect parent. What are we to do? You can do one of two things. You can compromise and back off from your declarations of what you assumed was right and accommodate their philosophy of rebellion or you can stand firm on TRUTH and [perhaps] earn their scorn which is painful. Easy? No way. Hard?? You got it.

One must be firmly grounded in the WORD to know how to handle these situations. The basic principle one must remember is that God is not going to compromise his will in order to accommodate your child's rebellion. He will not look the other way because the offender is your child. He is absolute. Yes, this means that if your child will not repent he/she will spend eternity in hell. If you meditate on the awfulness of this situation it will drive you crazy and can potentially effect your faith in the the mercy and grace of the LORD. How does one deal with this?

When one of our sons was making bad choices I went through this entire process of whipping myself mentally and asking where had we done wrong? I had heard that if you teach your child to love God, obey him that when he reaches the age of accountability it will be easy for him to make that transition to trusting the LORD for his salvation. As I was pondering this theory, berating myself, the Holy Spirit spoke so clearly to me, He said, "Sandra, you be mom and let me be God!" Oh! Glory! A heavy load was lifted off my shoulders. Yes! I can be mom and will back off...Since then I have concentrated on providing him with the comforts due a child and relinquished my function as being a human Holy Spirit. You see, he knows what is right - I can still see the unhappiness in his eyes and know the LORD knows all about it and He will work and does work, I just must be patient and W.A.I.T.

As I consider this entire process I can also see how having experienced this one can be a witness and a light to the absoluteness of God's WORD. Our refusal to compromise is a powerful witness to the sustaining power of the Holy Spirit in one's life. There have been too many preachers, parents who have apostasized because of pressure from their children. We do not want to do that!

So what can we do? Do we shut up, change our tune or do we continue on teaching those things that are important, absolute? I find it very discouraging when I see people who have changed their tune when they had to deal with sin, rebellion in their family...This is not forgiveness and repentance in action. Forgiveness and repentance means we still promote the absoluteness of God's will even when I have failed. Sin is still sin.

So moms, we must learn to lean on the LORD for his sustaining grace to endure. Remember, when you stand before the great white throne you will only have to give account for yourself, not your child, not your spouse, not your neighbor, just you. Makes a ton of difference when this reality sinks in.

And you keep on praying and being the mom that keeps on loving. Loving as Jesus loved - while we were yet sinners, he died for us. Yes, we are called to sacrificial living.

If it is any consolation, a perfect God delivered a perfect world to his perfect son Adam. He visited with Adam in the perfect garden, and probably taught him as a perfect parent.

We all know how that worked out. I think it is fair to believe that the Father sympathizes with our parenting failures. We begin when we are young and inexperienced, then when we are old and so much wiser- there they are with their own families going through the same stuff. And they have very little interest in that wisdom we so painfully acquired...

Tom Wrote:
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If it is any consolation, a perfect God delivered a perfect world to his perfect son Adam. He visited with Adam in the perfect garden, and probably taught him as a perfect parent.

We all know how that worked out. I think it is fair to believe that the Father sympathizes with our parenting failures. We begin when we are young and inexperienced, then when we are old and so much wiser- there they are with their own families going through the same stuff. And they have very little interest in that wisdom we so painfully acquired...
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Glad you shared this...I often think of this situation. God knew before hand how this will turn out but he did it anyways. Powerful lesson there: too many times we moms of prodigals lament having birthed this prodigal...wish we had never...but who knew? The mom didn't and neither did the father. But God did and created man anyways.
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In my previous post I emphasized how each person is responsible for his own behavior. It seems like it would be a no-brainer to emphasize this point but the devil is a sly one and will wreck havoc in our spirits because of our sensitive nature, one that feels so responsible for the outcome our children. Let us see what the WORD says.

Consider Ezekiel 18. The scripture in Ezekiel is reinforced in 2Cor. 5:10: "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad." The one in Ezekiel does into more detail. Let us take a look:

2 "What do you mean by using this proverb concerning the land of Israel, saying, ‘The fathers eat the sour grapes, But the children’s teeth are set on edge’?

3 "As I live,” declares the Lord GOD, "you are surely not going to use this proverb in Israel anymore.

4 "Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is Mine. The soul who sins will die.

5 "But if a man is righteous and practices justice and righteousness,

6 and does not eat at the mountain shrines or lift up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, or defile his neighbor’s wife or approach a woman during her menstrual period””

7 if a man does not oppress anyone, but restores to the debtor his pledge, does not commit robbery, but gives his bread to the hungry and covers the naked with clothing,

8 if he does not lend money on interest or take increase, if he keeps his hand from iniquity and executes true justice between man and man,

9 if he walks in My statutes and My ordinances so as to deal faithfully””he is righteous and will surely live,” declares the Lord GOD.

10 "Then he may have a violent son who sheds blood and who does any of these things to a brother

11 (though he himself did not do any of these things), that is, he even eats at the mountain shrines, and defiles his neighbor’s wife,

12 oppresses the poor and needy, commits robbery, does not restore a pledge, but lifts up his eyes to the idols and commits abomination,

13 he lends money on interest and takes increase; will he live? He will not live! He has committed all these abominations, he will surely be put to death; his blood will be on his own head.

14 "Now behold, he has a son who has observed all his father’s sins which he committed, and observing does not do likewise.

15 "He does not eat at the mountain shrines or lift up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, or defile his neighbor’s wife,

16 or oppress anyone, or retain a pledge, or commit robbery, but he gives his bread to the hungry and covers the naked with clothing,

17 he keeps his hand from the poor, does not take interest or increase, but executes My ordinances, and walks in My statutes; he will not die for his father’s iniquity, he will surely live.

18"As for his father, because he practiced extortion, robbed his brother and did what was not good among his people, behold, he will die for his iniquity.

19 "Yet you say, ‘Why should the son not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity?’ When the son has practiced justice and righteousness and has observed all My statutes and done them, he shall surely live.

20 "The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father’s iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son’s iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself.

21 "But if the wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed and observes all My statutes and practices justice and righteousness, he shall surely live; he shall not die.

22 "All his transgressions which he has committed will not be remembered against him; because of his righteousness which he has practiced, he will live.

23 "Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked,” declares the Lord GOD, "rather than that he should turn from his ways and live?

24 "But when a righteous man turns away from his righteousness, commits iniquity and does according to all the abominations that a wicked man does, will he live? All his righteous deeds which he has done will not be remembered for his treachery which he has committed and his sin which he has committed; for them he will die.

25 "Yet you say, ‘The way of the Lord is not right.’ Hear now, O house of Israel! Is My way not right? Is it not your ways that are not right?

26 "When a righteous man turns away from his righteousness, commits iniquity and dies because of it, for his iniquity which he has committed he will die.

27 "Again, when a wicked man turns away from his wickedness which he has committed and practices justice and righteousness, he will save his life.

28 "Because he considered and turned away from all his transgressions which he had committed, he shall surely live; he shall not die.

29 "But the house of Israel says, ‘The way of the Lord is not right.’ Are My ways not right, O house of Israel? Is it not your ways that are not right?

30 "Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, each according to his conduct,” declares the Lord GOD. "Repent and turn away from all your transgressions, so that iniquity may not become a stumbling block to you.

31 "Cast away from you all your transgressions which you have committed and make yourselves a new heart and a new spirit! For why will you die, O house of Israel?

32 "For I have no pleasure in the death of anyone who dies,” declares the Lord GOD. "Therefore, repent and live.” NASB

Lest we wonder how much of our teaching will impact a person, Jeremiah prophecies what will come: Jer. 31:34 "And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more." Paul (?) reinforces this principle in Hebrews 8:11: "And they shall not teach every man his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest."

Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Our prodigal is not out of God's cross-hairs: he is right in the middle of it. Do not FEAR. You may not live to see the results but you trust God anyways. Just keep on praying for your children and ask God that you will not interfere in that process.

Take care and God bless.

Thank you Sandra for again highlighting Ezekiel 18, one of the most important foundational chapters in the whole bible for understanding what God expects from His people! It is the passage that destroys the notion that man cannot actually obey God's law, and calls men to abandon foolish thinking along with foolish sin!

It also lays out what God will do in response to the choices we make, whether we pursue righteousness or sin. Again, He will not be mocked.

The OT prophets' writings are so inspirational. I had one Bible School instructor tell us the New Testament was introduced first via the OT prophets and all Jesus did was affirm it and by being the supreme sacrifice. This brother also told us one can bring a person to the LORD just using the book of Isaiah! Never thought a person could know the book that well but after making a study of it, I can understand how it is possible.

Yes, I love these OT prophets' writings.

Appreciate your comment, BTW.

Moms are always concerned about 'how tos' in raising children. Adding to the confusion is the volume of books dealing with this question. Lots of advice and many will disagree. (I suppose I am right about this - have not read any in 35 years - but it was this way years ago.) Even preachers will disagree.

A story: one time our pastor preached a sermon on raising children. He made the point how mom should take care of the conflicts that arise in the home when it happened and not wait to unload it upon dad when he gets home lest he be thought as the policeman. Two weeks later we had a minister come for weekend meetings and he preached on the home. He told us a mom should not disciple the children but led dad take care of it when he comes home! SIGH

Anyhow, there is a lot of information out there, some good, a lot of bad and most of it mediocre. There is one lady whose principles of child rearing has become a classic and I would like to share it here. This is Susanna Wesley's guidelines for raising children. She had a family of 19. It is also said she made it a point to spend one hour alone with each child every week. I find this awesome - wish I had done it...I would reckon that would do more to bond the child with the parent then anything else. Here are her rules: (like all rules these should be considered guidelines)

WESLEY'S 16 RULES

Susannah Wesley was the mother of 19 children, including John and Charles Wesley. Through much adversity, she dedicated her life to instilling a sense of Christian Destiny into each of her children. Her children went on to change the world.

Here are 16 rules she laid down in her home.

1. Eating between meals not allowed.

2. As children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m.

3. They are required to take medicine without complaining.

4. Subdue self- will in a child, and those working together with God to save the child's soul.

5. To teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.

6. Require all to be still during Family Worship.

7. Give them nothing that they cry for, and only that when asked for politely.

8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of.

9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.

10. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.

11. Comment and reward good behavior.

12. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.

13. Preserve property rights, even in smallest matters.

14. Strictly observe all promises.

15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.

16. Teach children to fear the rod.

ON DISCIPLINE

Susannah Wesley believed that for a child to grow into a self-disciplined adult, he/she must first be a parent-disciplined child. To her, the stubborn flesh was the hardest battle for Christians to fight, and Godly parents would do well to equip their children to overcome it early. She writes:

When the will of a child is totally subdued, and it is
brought to revere and stand in awe of the parents, then a great many childish follies ...may be passed by. . . . I insist on the conquering of the will of children betimes, because this is the only strong and rational foundation of a religious education ... when this is thoroughly done, then a child is capable of being governed by reason and piety. (from http://www.familyofdestiny.com/article_16rules.htm)

God bless.

NOTE: In the next week my posts will likely be sporadic, if any. Our boys with their families will all be home which will keep me busy...Lack of posts does not mean I am abandoning this project - I'll just be busy with my children, grandchildren, daughters-in-law. :-) God bless.

Our children and grandchildren have all gone home - we had a wonderful time together last week, likely the best ever. It is now time to go back to routine living. In any case, I am truly thankful for the wonderful, fun time we had with all of our boys and their children.
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As I am thinking about raising children, there is one issue that bedevils many parents. I would guess it is something that has become more pronounced since more people have moved from the countryside into the city. Children are no longer raised on the farm with chores to do, they are no longer essential for the survival of the family. Instead, they are more looked upon as a burden because mom and dad both work and how can one manage a family with both parents working on a job outside the home? As a result children are left at the mercy of gadgets like video games, etc., failing to learn survival skills but are instead developing an entitlement mindset. Mom and Dad work to finance lessons of all kinds, participation in sports. The money is there so it is used.

Children are not learning how to work. Boys are not taught how to channel their aggressive nature into developing survival skills that will provide for a wife and family. Girls are not taught how to run an orderly household. They are not taught how to keep their bedrooms orderly; neither are taught how to cook from scratch, food production and preservation; or clothing construction; how to stretch your money or being satisfied with what you have and not follow the latest trends in decorating, fashion. Contentment with what you have and learning innovation is not part of their training nor mindset.

Boys. Our daughter-in-law said something very profound last week. A sister shared with her how one needs to keep boys really busy after school. She said how it is so important in their development of aggression in work that if it is not channeled properly at a young age, like 12, they will end up lazy. To enhance this she has them splitting wood among other things. Keep them working hard physically.

When our children were young they raised animals for the market. After that they got paying jobs in the summer where they earned money to pay for their high school tuition; they purchased their own cars, paid for their own gas and insurance. We told them if they ever got a traffic ticket they paid for it. We provided them with food and a place to stay. Their toys - they paid for it with their own earnings. Today they are all gainfully employed. Now, I am thankful that we had to struggle to make ends meet - the children were forced by necessity to contribute, to carry their own share.

Brothers and sisters, if this is your case as well, look at it as a blessing for your children in that they will be forced to work to maintain their own survival. I had to do it as did my husband and we learned responsibility. To ask for and expect handouts without paying for it is repulsive to me. Paul tells us if do not work, we should not eat either. Powerful principle here that parents do well to apply in the parenting of their children.

As I think of boys I think of people who are by nature risk-takers but who can have this trait seriously dampened by fearful mothers. "You might get hurt!!" Yes, you might, but you might not either.

Moms need to watch their boys closely, allow them to do risky things like climbing trees. You must allow them to assume risky work gradually where they learn safety skills so they can pursue other risky tasks. This is extremely important. Unless you allow this trait to develop you will end up with a lazy male whose natural bent to aggressive, creative work will have been thwarted.

We raised our children on a three acre lot in the country. It had a hill plus lots of trees. All our boys built a tree house - all by themselves. They also picked up a roll of discarded telephone wire at a dumpster, brought it home and built a zipline before we ever knew there was such a thing. They would roam the country side with their bicycles, going way back into the boondocks. Or, they did it by horseback as well - all without cellphones.

Our boys worked for a catfish seiner...Jonathan talks how water moccasins would swim up close to him, take a look and swim off in another direction...this about made me choke, but he was not scared. With all the risky play our children got involved in none ever fell and broke a bone; scratches and cuts, yes, but that is all.

Moms, put your fears aside and allow your sons the freedom to fend for themselves. It will mean biting your tongue at times, but you will survive. Just know God has his hands on them and that your job is to work yourself out of one and that is mothering your children!

RE: ///Allow Boys to be risk-takers///

Sister, very wise thoughts. :)

Perhaps no greater recipe for disaster in the US these days than the current mindset of keeping everyone safe!

Sandra has nailed it once again, risks for both boys and sometimes for girls is essential if any kind of free society is to be preserved where the Christian gospel can be openly expounded.

In my political musings, and I have a lot of those, I have concluded that the foundational mindset of liberals contains two major elements, fear and laziness. Circling back to Sandra's post, we can see that when boys are unfamiliar with risk taking, they are very likely to fall into these traps.

As my profile indicates, one of my passions is motorcycling- to places where I can't be home in less than a day. Places where if the weather is bad I have to deal with it, where when it's time to find food or lodging for the night a plan has to be formed and come together.

But the most fun is talking my riding buddies into taking the risks with me. We have stayed in strangers' homes, unknown corners of wooded areas, lots of back yards and city parks. We asked to camp out in the yard of a little church in Colorado once, but the pastor said he would leave the building unlocked so we could use the bathroom. So I asked if we could just sleep inside and skip putting up tents. We slept on the floor of the sanctuary, and in the morning we gave some token gifts to the pastor- and some cash!

Because he was a risk taker too, and we all ended up blessing each other!

Safety is good but freedom, while full of risks, is so much better.

Did we not all at some point risk our futures and maybe reputations by taking the risk of following Jesus?

And that is just the door. Smart risk takers will go so much further, challenging God to see the fulfillment of His will in us as we seek spiritual gifts, cry out for healing, volunteer for lowly service to His church, risk relationships with unstable people to show them the character of Jesus Christ.

This list could go on and on- but the point is God is actually looking for risk takers. " The eyes of the Lord range to and fro all over the earth looking for someone in whom He can show Himself strong!" (From 2Chron. 16:9)

Risk takers. God is looking for them!

Well said, Tom. You said it better then I but then you are a male..:-)

QUOTE:
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Perhaps no greater recipe for disaster in the US these days than the current mindset of keeping everyone safe!
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This mindset just about drives me crazy! Actually, in many ways it challenges me to do the opposite - if it does not involve sin.

Yes, females are to be risk takers as well..after all, when you commit yourself to a man for the rest of your life, THAT is a major risk! But with God working for you, it can be done.

God bless.

As I think of mothering small children, getting your housework done with small children underfoot, it gets to be challenging. Is there a way to simplify this without getting frustrated? I say "yes!"

When I had a baby I would put it in an infant seat, set it on the counter when working in the kitchen. He had a ringside view of my working. As the child grew and could sit, I would sit him on the counter...or if he was fussy, sit him on your hip, holding onto him with your arm and work with the other. (God gave females hips to be used in this fashion. Praise the Lord for that demonstration of wisdom!) Allow your child to watch you, be underfoot, place him in a position where he can watch you. I maintain he will be learning more in this fashion then any other way.

Allow your children free reign in the kitchen to cook, to bake and if need be, help them clean up afterwards. One time I told my boys they can cook, bake all they want, just clean up afterwards. This put a damper on their experimenting so I relented, told them to go ahead and cook, bake all they want - I will help them clean up. To this day our boys are skilled cooks - and they will cleanup after themselves.

Outside work - invite their participation. Our son grows garlic for the wholesale market. His son wanted to grow gourds so he gave him a few seeds and to grow them. Out of one hill he harvested $11.00 worth of gourds and he thought he was rich! Now he wants to expand his project next year!

Allow your children to mow your yard. Ours were taught how to from infancy. When I would mow, I would hold the child on my lap, or set him in a wagon and around the yard we would go. When they became older they were familiar with the limitations and safety issues in running a lawn mower.

When working it becomes a challenge to teach your child household skills, or any other skills, for that matter. It takes TIME to teach a child working skills. Most of the time you could do it a whole lot faster then allowing him/her to do it. But you must remember, Mom, your job is to teach this child life skills and in the process work yourself out of a job! But it requires patience and time. He will not be able to do things perfectly but with experience his skills will improve. Do not expect perfection when he is trying. If he messes up, as he surely will, just be patient and help him. If you fuss at his clumsiness, you will discourage him from ever trying again and you will be shooting yourself in the foot. Just do not forget you also make messes (I have made greater messes them my children ever did - I spilled a whole gallon of raw milk on the kitchen floor one time) and not all your creations turn out right either all the time. Allow your child the right to make messes, make errors, without resorting to scolding or expressing disapproval. It is all a part of the training process. Just think how patient God is with you, now you must do likewise with your child.

God bless.

I would like to share some insights about raising boys. These come from observation and experience. If you have read my posts you will know we had four and what you may not know is that I had only one brother - I grew up in a household of females. I was not raised knowing how to train boys because my exposure to males was pretty well limited to dad and my kid brother -had male cousins but they lived at a distance from us and we interacted seldom or they were lots younger then me. A mom can learn if she is interested in her children, how she can raise people that will be useful to God and society.

Boys and girls need a dad that lives with their mom in their own house, who is the provider in every sense of the word. This was so ordained by God and man cannot improve upon this arrangement. It is when this arrangement in interrupted by divorce or single parenthood that problems develop from which a child rarely, if ever, recovers. Occasionally, God will initiate single parenthood by removing a parent via death but when this happens God will be there to provide for this family - and the probability is He will eventually provide a godly step parent for these children.

Dads are extremely important.

Boys need a dad to demonstrate how to work, take the initiative to provide for the family, to maintain a house, property, vehicles; how to lead the family in spiritual matters - how to be the head of the home. Dads must demonstrate that dirty hands are nothing to be afraid of and that at the end of the job there will be soap and water to cleanse ones hands. Dads must allow the boys to master tools and make mistakes and how to respond with cheerfulness and resourcefulness when this happens. No temper, ever.

Boys will do stupid things - this is normal in the growth of a child. It is during these times lessons are learned. One time our garden tiller was not working so one of our sons decided he is going to fix it. He completely dismantled the thing - his dad was not home at the time - and it stayed that way, completely destroying it. The son had a good motive - it just did not materialize as he wanted it to. In a situation like this do not make a federal case out of it, do not discipline him but you might want to share how it was not a wise thing to do alone without supervision.

Our boys loved to dismantle things. They loved it when an electrical appliance quit because I gave it to them to play with - they took them apart and did whatever. One time dad gave our oldest son a copier - a white elephant - and told him he can have it. It was old, one of those that used 'oily' paper. He removed all the electronics, and the moving components and reassembled them on the kitchen table. Then he flipped the switched and oh! the noise, the lights flashing - it was an awesome sight to see. I was pleased with his curiosity and innovation.

Dads do their sons a favor by making them work with him on the job, whatever that it is. My husband worked in carpentry for many years. In doing so, his boys worked with him (getting paid). They learned skills in building, maintenance of buildings, plumbing, electrical work. Today only one is engaged in any type of construction but they use these skills in maintaining their own houses. Not only were construction skills learned, they learned how to plan, think ahead and do. These skills can be learned at whatever job you are involved with. We had a professor from MSU visit our greenhouses one day. He brought with him a microscope and his daughter because he wanted to take a look at our plants. His daughter took the microscope, set it up with the specimen for her dad to look at. And she was young, but he taught her. Yes, daughters can also be taught 'outside' skills but dad must realize she is a weaker vessel physically and therefore limited in what she should/could do.

Mom, allow your children to go outside and get dirty, even if it is greasy and stains clothes. If the jobs appear to stain clothes, have them wear old ones where these stains won't matter and don't sweat it if they cannot be cleaned. Just put them back in reserve for future wearings. If they tear, so be it. Raising children costs, they are no bargain financially. And...please...do not force them to bath twice a day because they are dirty. I know of one mom who did that and this son battles more allergies then anyone else in the family. I believe it is because she kept this child too clean! His body never had a chance to develop any resistance to germs, pathogens hence the allergies. I credit my good health with the fact that I was allowed to run barefooted when a child. I ran barefooted in the barnyard totally oblivious to the crap there....you see I knew there was water and soap to clean up my feet afterwards.

Boys will be likely be husbands and dads someday, so mom it is your job to help your husband to train these boys to do a good job in being a husband and a dad in the future. God so ordained it. This job is a ministry. Do not forget that.

More later...will talk about girls sometime soon.

Before I divert my posts towards raising daughters there is one more issue I would like to share. This is the importance of making your children responsible for the well-being of some animals. If you do not live in a place where one can have a farm animal or two, at least allow your children to have cats or dogs or rabbits or whatever - an animal that requires regular feeding and care.

I suppose most people in reading about how to raise children never heard this mentioned. Well, you are now! And where did I get the notion this enhances a child's well-being? Many years ago [the late] Martin Weber, a prison chaplain who worked in the Alabama prison system, shared in our church. He talked about the value of children growing up with pets. He said if a child has the responsibility of caring for one it will enhance the development of a conscience in a child. He said how most of the inmates in the AL prisons did not grow up with a pet.

In caring for an animal a bond will develop between the child and the animal. It can happen with just about any animals except opossums and hawks! Our children had an assortment of animals ranging from a horse to a raccoon. The more enduring ones were cats. Our boys developed a fondness for animals and were tender and compassionate - all of them, even though they were avid hunters. They were never mean to animals nor did they abuse them. A child that abuses an animal will likely abuse humans, as well. The children also learned that an animal is not a human and is not to be confused as such: animal do not have the same rights and protections as a human. I suspect all those animal rightists never grew up with animals that were raised for market hence their perverted ideas about the value of animals. Growing up with animals, witnessing the cycle of life, birth and death will teach one valuable lessons in how one is to relate to life and animals.

Before I address the issue of mothering daughters, I feel compelled to address the issue of abuse as it happens in the home. Because, you see, I was not loved by my mother until in recent years - yes, you read that right! This impacted me in numerous ways... I am also aware that this happens oftener then we like to think - in too many cases it is shoved under the rug, ignored by others around who see it, the abuser is never confronted for fear of making matters worse. What follows is largely testimonial, but the conclusions I have come to has been reinforced by others which I will leave unnamed.

My mother has had anger issues as far back as I can remember. I took after my paternal grandmother, a woman she did not like for some unknown [to me] reason and she took her dislike out on me. As far back as I can remember fear ruled me. I recall well the first time I was at a family gathering and I never got scared of anyone's pranks...I experienced real relief. Fear and being unloved by mom was the norm for me. Fear was a part of my thinking, reaction process until I became an adult - my husband will attest to that! In any case, I know there are people whose abuse far exceeded mine and my heart goes out to you, however, there is help for you.

Most victims hate what it does to their thinking processes, how it impacts their reactions to negative experiences - that is if they are aware of it. Others seem to be oblivious to it and will work to justify their reactions and live in a blaming mode, never having a desire to escape. This is sad. And many others fall somewhere in between these two extremes.

Many victims will resort to professional counseling, spending thousands of dollars to get relief. For many the relief is temporal only to return at a later date so off to the counselor you go...it becomes a never ending cycle. Is there no solution? I say yes, there is.

One must face realities...

1. You cannot change history.
2. You cannot change other people.
3. You can change your reactions. But how?

One day the LORD gave me a mental picture of me standing before the great white throne and having to give account of myself. My reactions to not having been loved by my mom has impacted how I reacted to life which was one of bitterness, anger, and resentment (yes, I felt it was justified). I knew then that God would not accept my excuses for my reactions because of another person's offences. If, and since, this is the case, it means there is a solution, help for my reactions. It means God will enable me to be an over-comer! I do not have to allow another person's sin to dominate my life. What followed was a complete surrender of mom's offences to God. On the practical level, I no longer allowed her barbs to impact me - which fueled her anger some more. So, I had to distance my self emotionally from her but still be nice and kind. This did not happen all in one day, but with time. Forgiveness was the key. It did not happen all at once but grew in degrees. I had to accept my history, I could not change it, but I also learned that God is still there and that He still loved me AND that he was so gracious to send people into my life from day one who did love me. Wow!

Many victims rebel at having to forgive an unrepentant parent/relative but let us leave that aside for the moment, and concentrate on your reactions. When you find your reactions beyond your ability to handle, there is God. You go to Him and stay with him - it may take hours, days, plenty of tears to surrender to his mercy and grace to find release. It may also require a confrontation with the devil - he loves it when you wallow in your self-pity. This solution is as close as your heart right were you are. You do not have to spend money to get help. And you know what? most of the time all this professional help does is lighten your wallet/bank account and give some emotional relief that is not enduring in the long haul.

Trust God with your past. He is a redeeming God. There is no emotional, spiritual, sin problem that is beyond his ability to redeem. God allowed it and it may be to teach you to depend on him. It happened to me. I am totally powerless to pull myself up by my own bootstraps. It takes God. This redeeming power of God will impact you in ways that nothing else can. I promise.

Now maybe I can go ahead with addressing how one is to mother daughters - just felt the need to help the reader understand that my up-bringing was not without difficulties.

God bless.

PS: In rereading my post I noticed that I mentioned how it has been in recent years that mom had learned to love me. I suppose the question will come how did it happen?

Dad died and mom went through a severe cycle of anger - so bad we children would never mention dad to her because how she would leash out at him. This went on for about two years until one day I noticed how she started to compliment dad! Wow! Mom compliment dad! what happened to her?? She never did say but we noticed a radical change in her attitude and she took an interest in what I was doing, in our welfare - never had her do that before - this was a new sensation for me! Now I felt her love for me - something new for me! I have been wallowing in this love in recent years. Praise the LORD!

And....experts will tell you that old people cannot/donot change. I am here to tell you that when mom changed she was likely around 82 years old! As long as there is a good memory, do not give up! God bless.

The church of Jesus Christ in modern times is experiencing a concerted move by the world to destroy the home and they begin with the women. The devil did it in the Garden and he never did change his strategy. We know he began by planting doubt in the mind of Eve as to the authority of God thereby setting the stage for her downfall because she stopped to consider his question and took it to heart. Doing so set the stage for women to challenge her purpose in life. And the battle has never ended but it has accelerated during the past 100 years or so with the rise of the feminist movement. The feminist movement did rise in reactions to legitimate complaints but it went off the rails quickly. So, we cannot look to them for any guidance albeit its philosophy has wormed itself into the consciousnesses of moderns via literature, movies, and schools.

Since the devil has been working overtime to destroy the home we women do well to stand back and take a look at what has happened and then look to the WORD to see if it would give us any guidance at all - all the while asking the LORD to show us what we need to learn and do.

Looking to the WORD one must first look to see who God is, what is his nature, observe his creation - there are powerful lessons to be learned there if we but be quiet and allow it to teach us. God's fingerprints are everywhere around us.

As we look at nature we see an orderly creation that works well, more precise then clockwork. Creation is predictable because of its precision, its orderliness. If it had not been so, it would have made scientific discoveries impossible: there would be no automobiles, computers, no fire, no acquisition of food by the systematic cultivation of plants and animals. What would life be like if nature were to operate haphazardly? One day you could start a fire but the next day - using the same fuel, methods - it would not light? We benefit greatly by the orderliness of creation.

What lesson does this hold for us females who are called to be homemakers? I suggest it teaches us that since God is an orderly God, we need to reflect this orderliness in our homes. And...it needs to be taught to our daughters, our sons. Most children by nature are not orderly. It requires effort by the parents to teach orderliness. Unless there is orderliness in the home, not much of anything constructive can be taught.

Orderliness can be taught even if you was not taught it. All you have to do is ask the LORD to teach you and He will if you will listen, asking God how her home can reflect the will of the LORD.

I have seen such gross disorderliness in homes in recent years that leaves me appalled. Along with disorderliness I see a frustration in the mom in dealing with motherhood. It appears as though this disorderliness is a symptom of her dissatisfaction with homemaking. Where one begins and the other leaves off is difficult to discern but it seems as though each feeds the other.

How does my home reflect God's orderliness? One can begin by teaching the children to pick up their toys at the end of the day and putting them neatly away where they belong; pick up clothes - do not allow them to throw them on the floor - clothes need to be either in the hamper, washer, dryer, or hung up or folded in the drawer or shelf. Toys scattered all over with no one playing with them and clothes lying on the floors will quickly make a house messy and the solution to this is so simple. Mom, you are not called to do it all: teach your children to do it and expect them to do their job within the scope of their ability.

And mom: what about keeping an orderly kitchen? It is not hard to maintain one if you do little things, like washing up after each meal. It will never get in disarray if you pay attention to small details. Systematic cleaning is the key to maintaining an orderly household.

If one studies the OT law, the laws that pertain to clean and unclean, I am impressed that when they are followed how clean - literally clean- their homes would be. Hey! They were required to clean their houses from top to bottom every year lest there be any leaven in it! Imagine that! I know no Christian ladies who are that diligent in maintaining a clean house like that. But I suspect it would promote health if we would. In any case, we are not required to do this but it does teach us something and there are lessons one can take on how one is to be clean - that it is not a cultural thing, but a reflection of who God is and how he wants his children to live, to be clean.
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A story: at one point when our children growing up, I was haphazard in keeping my house orderly. One day, after the children went off to school, I cleaned up the house, picked up the toys, the living room was nice - all things picked up, put away, same with the kitchen. When the children came home from school, one of the boys took a look around and said, "this looks nice!" From that point on I made it my goal to have the house look nice when the children came home from school. It was the least I could do - especially if it meant so much to one of our boys. I have been blessed ever since by implementing this principle in my homemaking.

Great post, Ginny

There is a great need for older women to teach the younger ones these godly skills. Unfortunately there a very few older women nowadays who have God-given authority on this subject.

Feminism keeps many women bound in fear that they do not dare to go against the spirit of this age and teach or learn these precious timeless virtues.

My prayer is that God may raise up godly elderly women in local churches.
Their witness inside the church and outside could be tremendous.

Would it not be wonderful if an older woman could take some of the younger one under their wings and teach them before they get married off?

So many women nowadays have master's degrees but do not know how to bake bread or handle needle and pin properly.
I think we could have many more happy families and countless disasters averted.

Great post, Ginny

There is a great need for older women to teach the younger ones these godly skills. Unfortunately there a very few older women nowadays who have God-given authority on this subject.

Feminism keeps many women bound in fear that they do not dare to go against the spirit of this age and teach or learn these precious timeless virtues.

My prayer is that God may raise up godly elderly women in local churches.
Their witness inside the church and outside could be tremendous.

Would it not be wonderful if an older woman could take some of the younger one under their wings and teach them before they get married off?

So many women nowadays have master's degrees but do not know how to bake bread or handle needle and pin properly.
I think we could have many more happy families and countless disasters averted.

Narrowpath, interesting you brought up this subject - it is the one I felt led to discuss today.

This morning when I woke up I felt so strongly that I need to address the issue of training daughters to be wives and moms. I felt that to address this issue at this point would be out of chronological order but the inspiration came and with narrowpath's post, I believe he confirmed it.
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1Ti 5:14: "I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully."

This is Biblical - we are to train our daughters with the expectation that they are to marry and have children. In doing so moms are required to teach their daughters to succeed in this lifelong work.

In recent times many young women have gotten jobs, earned money and they do a lot of leisure traveling. This is their goal in life: make money so I can see the world. Recently, another lady and I were discussing with some young women the differences between our generation and the young one now. We told them how we were taught to keep house, help dad in preparation for marriage someday. Then when we did marry, the transition was not all that great - this is what we were trained to do! I appreciated the honesty of this young married woman - she said, "you know when I got married I had to struggle with being independent - just going about and doing my own thing without considering my husband's wishes." This is the mindset driving many young women today, even those that consider themselves Christians. I am not saying that traveling to see the world is sin, but I am suggesting it might be better done after you have raised a family because time is running out for you - a woman can only reproduce a limited time. And....and...once you get older your physical stamina wanes, I promise. Once you have passed menopause we lose all desire to birth a baby and raise small children. We are so glad the young are there to carry on this work! So get with it!

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Would it not be wonderful if an older woman could take some of the younger one under their wings and teach them before they get married off?
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Brother, there are many older sisters who would love to do this but the young are not interested! They consider us old-fashioned. For example, they prefer modern fashions over modest, feminine clothes. Sewing is not 'in'. Too many moms are not taking the authority in their homes as vested to them by God.

Moms are called to guide the house. This means you are to run it - this is your responsibility. You, not your children are to run the house. Get it?

I keep hearing the excuse, but my daughter does not like to do______________. So what? You make her do it anyways! Even if she is 13, or whatever. We had to and while we did not enjoy it initially, we learned to like it after a fashion. That alone is a powerful lesson one will take through life. Too many folks refuse to do something because 'they do not want to, do not like it'. Hey! This is what life is all about: there are a ton of things that come our way that we are expected to do that we do not like or enjoy doing. And this lesson all begins in the home and if it is not taught woe on that person....

Submission begins in the home - children must submit to being taught what is essential to maintaining a home, providing for her husband and children with the least amount of expense.

Must stop for now...more later.

As I keep thinking about this issue in teaching daughters to prepare for marriage I know the question comes, "when does one begin?"

May I suggest it begins from day one. Let us consider the nature of an small child, one still in the infant seat, later a toddler...they want to be close to mama. Unless sleeping, they want to keep her in sight. This need can and should be utilized to teach her what she needs to know and it all begins by allowing her to observe closely your work, how you do it, which means she will be clingy and be in your way. It will slow you down considerably. When a child is clingy, do not park her/him in front of the tv or allow a video to entertain her/him. If you do that in time they will not WANT to be taught the skills you yearn for her/him to learn. They will resist your teaching them anything. To think you will teach them to do something when they are older and more competent is too late. It begins when they are so little, in the way and annoying. Mom, look as this being an opportunity to begin teaching your child how to work, how to live. If you want to entertain them get them some audio recordings that tell Bible Stories. Other then that, make them improvise their own entertainment/play - playing is essential for mental growth and development. A child will not want to watch you all the time - he/she will want to play and this is ok, but be sure the toys they have are those that encourage creativity.

All for now...

The awesome continues. Ginnyrose blows conventional wisdom to smithereens...

Dear ginnyrose

I would appreciate any thoughts/advice on eating habits, being overweight etc for daughters.

Thx
Joch

It is my opinion that affluence has done more to rob people of creativity then anything else I know. If you want it it can be had for a price!

There are many magazines, websites that promote beautiful things for the house thanks to modern day interior decorators. They do a beautiful job, actually. But...but it costs a lot of money. Then the issue of stewardship raises its head: is this a wise expenditure of my husband's hard earned money? Or, suppose you could easily afford it, is it still wise? Think about that a while.

As we raise our daughters to be wives and moms we must make them aware that their husband may not be as affluent as dad and may not be able to buy the things that we have here in our own house. Since this may be the case how will one train our children to be content with what they have? Does this not begin by mom being content with what she has? But what about needing something and the money is not there to buy it? Affluence says, go buy it, you got the money OR you have a credit card - you can get it! What are you waiting on?!

May I suggest that moms teach their daughters to be resourceful. Suppose you want a piece of furniture but you want the daughter to learn how to repurpose a piece of junk. Google it, get ideas how to and provide her with the necessary tools to do so. This idea can be utilized for anything a child wants. Instead of buying it ready made, encourage her to make it. The child may not not do a perfect job, but she will learn and hopefully be encouraged to try again. If during the process of creating a child should never be allowed to quit when the mood leaves but be told to finish it to the end. Doing so will teach stamina.

Mom, you may feel like you are so ignorant, that you cannot do this or that because your mom did not teach you...If you can read this post you can learn! Would you know my mom never taught me how to bake with yeast? But I learned all on my own. I read cookbooks, articles that dealt with yeast baking and I learned, even to the point where I made all the bread for our growing family, making 21 [small] loaves every two weeks. I did it because my husband encouraged me to. When the bread was not nice, he ate it and encouraged me to keep on trying. And I still do it to this day because he prefers my bread over what is produced anywhere else. You can learn and do not be afraid of failures - just be sure you learn why something failed and if that knowledge is not forthcoming, keep on until you do learn.

I love to sew and will promote at every chance I get. I learned by making myself a nuisance when mom sewed. I was at her side watching, begging to sew a seam until she finally allowed me to. And so it went on from there. Today not many moderns know how to operate a sewing machine but there are many sewing machine dealers who will offer classes to teach their customers. (Don't get one from eBay unless you know what you are doing.) There are many websites with tutorials that teach sewing. Be aware that sewing is a constantly evolving skill which makes it fun! Sewing, creating whatever you have a mind to do with fabric is fun! And you can make clothing, bedding, window treatments or whatever for your house. Your creations will be original.

I know of a family that had a lot of girls. When they were really young they purchased for them a small sewing machine to get them to sew. While they were very young they were sewing their own dresses! Once again, the reality of making a miscut is very real but do not sweat it, it may be salvaged for another project.

I have shared only a few examples what can be done by simply saying 'no' to advertisers. But think instead, "how can I make this myself?" Teaching your daughter to be resourceful, creative will teach her to be busy when she becomes a mom - enjoying her work in creating will result in a happy mama.

Go for it, mama!

Janna wrote:
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I would appreciate any thoughts/advice on eating habits, being overweight etc for daughters.
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I have only opinions based on observations when I compare the era in which me and our children grew up vs moderns.

When I was child (b.1947) we rarely heard of any child having diabetes. I know of only one girl when I went to school (150 students) that was a known diabetic. And obesity? There were not many overweight girls - the number I recall can fit on one hand.

Some suggest modern girls diets are too heavy on junk food, hence the obesity. That is true I am certain, but we ate sweets as well, except we made most of them: cookies, cakes, pies, pop corn balls. We drank sodas occasionally, ate ice cream and candy. However, with all this, we ate balanced meals that included meats, veggies, fruits and breads.

What I believe contributes more to obesity is the lack of hard physical playing. We ran, played hard at school and at home. At school we had two recesses plus the noon hour in which we played softball, basketball, soccer, volleyball, dare base, jump rope and an assortment of other games I do not recall. We did not engage in competitive sports with other schools. It was all for fun. Today too many kids are parked in front of the tv or playing video games or whatever the latest electronic gadgets mom and dad bought for them and they do not play hard: they sit, eat chips and get fat.

Why so many are diabetic today, I do not know. Back then we all lived on farms, had the run of the place to play and explore. We ate the products that were grown there: raw milk, eggs, slaughtered our own animals for meat, veggies, fruits. No GMO grains...Our garden veggies were sprayed with chemicals, farmers used commercial fertilizers as well as animal wastes. I suspect the lack of eating raw milk and eggs may contribute to the health issues people have today as well as the lack of exposure to animals and fowl. They are dirty and they stink but we were so used to it we did not mind. And we were healthy. I suspect our exposure to these 'germs' enhanced our immune system.

My opinion.

Much has been written about the importance of dads relating to their daughters and I want to reaffirm the importance of it.

Dad's role in the life of his daughters is to help her to be a godly woman who will serve the LORD with joy. And in this life prepare her to be a wife and mom: how will she relate to a husband. A dad's job is to provide for her needs be it spiritual, social, emotional, physical. Entwined within all this he must realize his scope of influence will have a great impact on how she will function as a wife to her husband. If you are dictatorial she will not trust men because all they are interested in is controlling people. If you are a pansy she will learn that men are not to be trusted - they have more wind then substance. If you distance yourself from her she will wonder what is wrong with her that she is not loved by you and it can lead to a promiscuous lifestyle because she will fall for any male that whispers sweet nothings to her.

Loving one's daughter begins at day one. You love her, hold her, speak to her, play with her, sing to her, pray for her always being aware she is at your mercy and totally dependent on you for her security. Do not do anything that would in any way question her trust in you. You also will protect her purity and protect her from the jons that would work to wreck it.

In the course of life most daughters will gravitate to dad - if he has proven to be a caring dad - instead of mom. Mom, if this happens, do not fight it - let it be! Back off, let dad take charge. Dads need this affection and approval from their daughters. I have seen the pleasure in my husbands eyes when his daughter 'flattered' him which pleased me, as well.

Sometimes moms are jealous of the affection the daughter bestows upon dad. Assuming the dad is a godly man, you must look on this as a dad doing his job. But you do have a problem if he spoils her to her ruination. May I suggest that if this really is the case, perhaps there is a problem in husband/wife communication/relationship in that he is getting back at his wife via their daughter[s].

In parenting one must always be aware of the reality that the devil will use your children to drive wedges between husband and wife. It also happens in mother and son[s] relationships: the son[s] think dad is too rigid and so they prey upon mom; sometimes the mom will give the son the go-ahead, undermining Dad's authority. One must always be aware of the devils strategy in wrecking a home and be prepared for these things to happen. They can easily happen because of the differences in a wife and husband's temperament.

I consider it of utmost importance that dads allow their daughters to work with them, alongside them. This will enhance the daughters love for her dad and will reinforce his authority in her life - but always keeping in mind that you are preparing her for life with another man at some point in the future - she will not be your helper for the rest of your days.

The benefit of a daughter working alongside her dad is that she will learn about the male thinking process which differs from a female's. This understanding will go a long way in helping her relate to a husband in the future. Ignorance of this will be the basis of conflict because of misunderstandings. She must also learn that there is great value in a males' thinking process and that she would do well to implement these traits as well because they do not occur naturally in the mind of a female.

I must go. If anyone else has any insights about daughter/dad relationships, please share. I know this short post does not cover all the aspects of it, but is something to just get people to start thinking.

God bless.

ginnyrose

///I suspect the lack of eating raw milk and eggs may contribute to the health issues people have today as well as the lack of exposure to animals and fowl. They are dirty and they stink but we were so used to it we did not mind. And we were healthy. I suspect our exposure to these 'germs' enhanced our immune system. ///

We got a Guernsey milk cow a few months ago, It seems to have made a remarkable difference with are families health.

wounderful post and thread !

I want to make a comment on the rising incidents of allergies among moderns.

As I understand what I have witnessed and read I am convinced that the lack of exposure to animals, fowl and their dirt will make one vulnerable to allergies because of a weak immune system - exposure to these pathogens will strengthen you immune system. However, I have just heard something else that has given me more enlightenment on this subject: allergies could be the result of one indulging in witchcraft or occultic practices.

In life there are lots of questions, things that give person some pause because what one is seeing just does not compute. Then the LORD in his mercy and grace opens the doors where one sees and understands - one may call this 'connecting the dots'. (This expression is a take off of pictures in coloring books that could be drawn by connecting the numbered dots.) I had a moment like this the other day. While I may have been somewhat aware of it it was brought to my attention that it really is so.

I heard a talk given by Roger Hertzler who was dealing with the subject of divination. In his talk he mentioned how the occult has wormed its way into how one deals with difficult situations as in health, and life. In health there is the supernatural means that is either of God or the devil. If it is demonic the evidence is of a rebellious mindset in addition to health issues. The driving philosophy of these ill health solutions is that if it works, it is ok.

Personally, I do not care to discuss this issue in depth on this thread because of the topic centers around a godly home. But if anyone is an expert on it, I would love to see a discussion on it in another thread here on SI. I am convinced there is more to the causation of illnesses/allergies then what we are aware of. Why, with all the scientific knowledge available, is there is so little progress in eliminating disease? Some diseases are exploding in frequency....

Have a good day in the LORD!

ginnyrose

QUOTE:
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We got a Guernsey milk cow a few months ago, It seems to have made a remarkable difference with are families health.
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PTL!

I mentioned the consuming of raw eggs - I did not mean one would sit down and eat a raw egg, but in the course of food preparations sometimes raw eggs as an ingredient would find its way to the table, like homemade ice cream. Or, one may lick the beaters clean after stirring up a cake or cookie dough. We used to do that as did our children. This was a treat for us and our children: after you get done mixing this dough, I would lay out the beaters and tell the children, "here they are.." They licked them clean!

Papa, our son would buy raw milk and feed it to their little ones. Whenever they came to visit they would bring a jar of it for their own consumption. Those children are healthy, trim and how they love to run - and can they make noise!

God bless.

People in Japan have a fair amount of raw egg in their cuisine. It took me a bit to adjust because of all the e coli paranoia in America but it was just a mental hurdle.

I had a friend at my previous job with a small family farm. I'd barter with her for fresh farm eggs and, wow! What a difference in quality. She told me that most store bought eggs are up to three months old which is why they have to be refrigerated. Fresh eggs don't need refrigeration unless you plan to keep them for a long time.

I've heard local honey is great for allergies too.

As I have been wondering, meditating on the next subject there is one issue in my mind that simply will not go away. I have prayed about it and it remains. My excuse is that surely it is a no-brainer, is it not? But it happens whether it is a no-brainer or not. Perhaps it is a greater problem then we know.

The issue is for dads to release their daughters to the man they marry. And wife, let your dad go. If you had a wonderful dad, know this a great blessing given to you from the Heavenly Father, but when you marry, you will have to transfer your allegiance, your submission to your husband. Failure to do so will impair your ability to be one with your husband in soul, spirit and mind. He needs to know that he is #1 after God in your life.

Sometimes the bond between daddy and his little girl remains so strong that the daughter will defer to her daddy before she will her husband. This threatens the husbands feeling of self-worth, importance in the life of his wife. It could contribute to a divorce, eventually. I had a cousin who divorced because of this very issue. He said the bond between his wife and her dad was so strong - he had never seen anything like it before and he did not know why it was so because the guy was something of a jerk albeit a religious one.

Ideally, it would be wonderful for in-laws to have a close relationship with each other so when there are issues that need counsel they could feel safe in conferring with each other with no fear of one manipulating/controlling the other or being derogatory. There needs to be the sense that we are all family and that we work for the best of all concerned. This may be a tall order because dad may see things down the road that the young husband does not and how to handle that requires a lot of wisdom from the LORD. To warn or not becomes a serious issue for dad and mom. And...sometimes you have to let nature takes its own course because that is the only way some folks learn. And...all you can do is pray and love them, still.

In any case, scripture teaches us one should 'leave and cleave'. This law of life is directed towards husbands, but it effects his wife and their parents. This transition is not always smooth but it can be done. It also helps if the young couple is sensitive to the leading of the LORD in their lives.

God bless.

Letting Your Nay be Nay...

As I look at husband/wife, parent/child relationships I am amazed how many times that the principles that work for a peaceable home are rooted in basic Biblical principles. Scripture does not have a specific book that gives instructions for child rearing nor a manual for husband/wife relationships unless you consider the Song of Solomon such a book. Today I want to consider how Jesus' words of 'let your yea be yea and your nay be nay' looks like in relating to your children.

When I was a young mom, beginning in 1968, we were bombarded with child-rearing lit on how to raise children. Being young and ignorant - never have been a mom before (!) - so new at this venture and being fully aware that this child will live forever somewhere, we were determined to not replicate the mistakes our forbears did. So we were very vulnerable.

The literature that came our way was new, modern. It detailed how one should use psychology to get your child to follow your orders. Well! This theory is severely flawed. In any case we resorted to asking our child to obey ending the command with "OK?" And if obedience was not forthcoming, our voices got more stern, and then angry because there were two wills butting heads. In short, it does not work. The fallout of this philosophy is that this generation has grown up and they look with askance at anyone who speaks in absolute language/terms!

The fallacy of this philosophy is that a child is a cute little sinner who only thinks of self: his comfort and what he wants when and where. He is not capable of thinking selflessly, lovingly, obediently or godly/Biblically. To ask a child to do something gives one the impression this request is negotiable and this is not what the parent had in mind when the command was given. When the child says 'no!' mom is upset and chalks the refusal up to disobedience.

I am encouraging moms to please stop that method of commanding of asking your child to do your bidding. You are not teaching your child obedience. Jesus says to let your yea be yea and your nay be nay - this means to be absolutely true and honest in your expectations with your child. You do it lovingly being fully aware of his limitations, being reasonable - just like your heavenly Father is with you.

Susanna Wesley taught a child should not be told twice when commanded to do something. I took this advice to heart and it does work. It works best if the child is fully aware of what you are saying the first time - you look at the child in the eye, making sure you are understood, that there is adequate communication. This forms the basis for establishing your authority with the child.

All for now....got to go help mom...

As I look back on what we were told by modern child psychologists I am appalled how we were snookered in by their philosophy - must be because we were sure we could do a better job then our ancestors did. The reality is that most modern 'experts' think they know better then the WORD and that the elderly are so old-fashioned that they know nuthin' - they are uneducated but we are...we got the capability to vastly improve upon this job of parenting children. Life has proven this to be the biggest lie that has come down the pike.

A lot of this hinges on who is the authority and how it is being exercised. We all agree God is the head of all mankind whether He is recognized or not, He is in control. In life God has designated a change of command/order for humans that will promise an orderly life. After Jesus, he has called husbands to be the head of the home and to help him serve in this capacity is the wife - she works as an extension of his will in running the house. As she runs the house, there are the children who must submit to mom because she is their dad's representative. All along this chain of command the devil will work to foul it up by rebelling at one or the other. This chain of command is not dictatorial but one of serving: how does one serve the LORD? It is by submitting to His authority and it is when one has a rebellious spirit that a dictatorial mindset creeps in.

In this chain of command you have the LORD Jesus and then two adults: husband and then the wife. It is the wife who has to deal more directly with rebellion in the family then the husband who works outside the home. In dealing with this it is in the family's best interest for husband and wife to be fully yoked together in how this is handled. As a rule one will be more strict then the other but this is something a couple must needs work out to the satisfaction of both and if that agreement is not forthcoming, I suggest outside counsel be sought. But this issue is beyond the scope of this thread. I want to focus on the problem many moms have in taking the authority that is hers to exercise in ordering her household of children under her care.

Mom, you are MOM, the authority figure in the lives of your children. You are boss. Your children will work to challenge you, tear you down, trample you to get their own way. This is their nature and it is your job to teach them to submit. How does one teach them to submit to you and others in authority?

When the children are little we will ask them to __________ . So, how do you give the order? Does it go something like this, "Jody, would you please wash the dishes because I am too tired?" Is something wrong with this order? Yes, plenty. You are asking. No go. Two: you are making an excuse for asking. You are planting doubt in the child's mind concerning your authority. The best way is to say, "Jody, I want you to wash the dishes." No excuse nor reason is called for in giving orders. You are not required to explain why you are issuing this order. It may be because you are tired but this should not be the reason why you are issuing the order. So the point is:

1. Do not make any excuses for issuing an order to the child.

2. Do not ask them to do anything - you tell them and expect obedience.

A parent can learn a lot on this issue by observing how God dealt with his people, obedient ones as well as rebellious one. Usually he will not explain his commands. He does not give any excuses nor is he apologetic about it. The only time he came close to asking was when Mary was told she would bear a child. It was not until she said, "Be it unto me according to thy word" that the angel took his leave of her - she questioned him with honest questions and he was very gracious in his answers because she deserved it. But this was unusual.

Moms, I know we fail so much in mothering out children. A lot what I write about comes from recognizing how I failed and what the LORD has taught me along the way. We can always begin anew each and every day, asking the LORD to mold us to be the moms we are called to be. God uses our children to bring about maturing in our own lives. One time I asked our oldest son, "I sometimes wonder in parenting who in raising whom?" He said, "Mom, I think it works both ways."

God loves you mom, don't ever forget that. You are called to a special ministry...it may not seen so special when you are tired because the baby kept you awake all night but this does not cancel God's call on your life as a mom.

God bless you, moms. And take care.

In thinking more about this issue of moms taking the authority in giving instructions to her children it must be understood that nowhere are we called to 'bark orders and you jump' as a military officer is wont to do.

We tend to think emotionally, males logically. Both seem to be at odds with each other. If God made us such it must mean there exists a need for both and that they can compliment each other. The issue is how can they co-exist in the marriage without any conflicts? There will be conflicts because the devil will see to that.

When a baby is born mom will many times relate to him emotionally, saying sweet little nothings. This will mean nothing to dad, as a rule. In fact he may even object to it. I had an instructor who told us girls we should always speak sensibly, quit this babbling! I tried and finally succeeded but I did this to my regret. There is something that happens in the mind of mom and the child when this type of communication is exercised. As a grandma I say go for it but always remember you are MOM and that you will not accept overt disobedience, rebellion. Even if you are thinking emotionally, you must always allow sense, logic - that is shaped by the Holy Spirit - guide you as you relate to your child.

Dealing with disobedience is a subject for another post...

God bless you moms - you are called by God to be faithful - success comes from Him, just like any other ministry. Many times we are casting bread upon waters - know what happens when bread gets wet and when it is cast upon waters? It goes to nothing in short order. But the WORD says it will return to you after many days. Water yield up bread? or, maybe it fed a fish and you get to eat it later? In any case, the result belongs to God. Just do as He bids you and there you will have rest.

Disciplining a child - this is a huge subject...Many have written on it and here I hope to address this in a few words - and I am no expert. Yet, one cannot discuss mothering without addressing this issue.

Scripture has something to say about it:

Pro.22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Pro.22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Pro.23:13: "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

Pro.29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

Eph. 6:4: "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Col.3:21: "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

All parents are well aware that foolishness or rebellion is bound up in the heart of a child. How does one deal with it?

As I have said, when I was a young mother psychology was the latest fad that came down the pike and found receptive students only to learn - eventually - that it was faulty. By that time, I lost interest in learning how to discipline a child from any experts. Since then there have been more sensible people who have risen up and shared their suggestions on how a child can be disciplined when it is disobedient. From my perspective it seems there are basic principles one needs to follow in disciplining.

1. Do not expect more from a child then what he is capable of doing.

2. Make sure the child understood perfectly your orders.

3. Do not discipline a child for being a child - one that is 'all thumbs' or when messes happen because he attempted something beyond his ability to handle or simply because he was careless. You also make messes: if you discipline your child for making one, who will discipline you when you make one?

4. There is no one perfect method of disciplining a child. What may work for one may not work for another.

5. Always confront willful disobedience.

How does one deal with willful disobedience? Will discuss this next time....

To share my insights on this issue has been challenged by events beyond my control. Heard that a relative was suddenly killed and he was a practicing homo - can't think of anything else... AND my siblings and I are in a transition of parenting a parent and the parent resists which gives us fits. My brother says to relax and let the LORD work. Yet, this aggravation pales in comparison to the fellow who died. I have personally known him well since he was a small child, took him to school, were neighbors...He had no excuse to justify his rebellion. Imagine the grief the family is experiencing! I imagine his sister saying, "he had the chance and this is what he chose!"

Got that off my mind, maybe I can proceed.
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Much has been written about how to discipline a child. Spanking has been used for thousands of years. In recent times - it appears - other methods have been promoted like reasoning and/or psychology.

A parent must know his child well to know what works best for him. For some a simple slap on the rear will work, others may require a hard spanking, or maybe sitting quietly in a corner or being sent to bed early with no right to amuse himself in that bedroom.

I read of an incident where a dad was holding a small child close that struggled against it. But he held firm until the child relaxed and with wonder looked into his dad's eyes. Then dad relaxed and told him he wanted him to listen to him. Non-violent but effective in teaching submission.

Another method that does work is when your child just won't listen is to pick him up, take him to the shower and turn the cold water on him. Sure the clothes will get wet, the water will not kill him, but it sure will shock him!

I would encourage moms to be aware of different things one can do to force a child to learn submission. He MUST learn to submit - this is the bottom line. AND he must learn that to rebel has consequences. AND shouting, screaming won't accomplish it one iota. You must always stay in control of the situation and not let it control you!

Did I always succeed in maintaining control of my emotions when a child disobeyed? No. It was a learning process as well. I am still learning as how to relate to a parent that insists on doing things she no longer is capable of. However, as it relates to my grandchildren, I do not allow them to disobey or be destructive. If I say no and they persist, I will snap their fingers or whatever. When I say no they know NO means no. They know what that means. But this can only be understood by children who are subject to discipline. (At Kids Clubs children are accustomed to being screamed at, yelled at with ferocious language that stern speaking has little effect.)

It is because of this very issue in disciplining children that I would never want to go through it again because it is exhausting, not pleasant. Even though we did not do it perfectly, our children did did run afoul of the law beyond a couple speeding tickets. We told them if they ever do anything that would land them in jail, we will not bail them out.

God bless you moms - your job is serious. God will use it to teach you, knock off the rough edges in your own life.

While I haven't been involved in this thread, I just had a rhetorical question to ask.

How come, parents can have a baby, and, in two or three short years, they have taken over the home,and getting what they want, by screaming and hollering all the way there?

Just a thought.

God bless.

Question:

"How come, parents can have a baby, and, in two or three short years, they have taken over the home,and getting what they want, by screaming and hollering all the way there?"

Because mom and dad have not asserted their authority, that is why and I suspect you know that, too.

One can go to Wal-Mart and you will many times see/hear brats yelling their heads off with their moms ignoring them. It has been so bad I just about resolve to quit shopping there! But now try to go there when these moms are likely to not be there.

Back to the question, "why are some young children taking over the home?" It is because mom and dad have not learned to be stern with their "NO", they have not taught the child that they is to be respected and honored. I also suspect when the children are whinny, yelling, screaming that the child is not happy but frustrated so no one wins. If the child is not restrained he will never be restrained and will end up in the slammer and then the parents will wonder why and the victim will blame society for short-changing him. Children need to be taught to respect, honor, give, to earn - not expect handouts.

We have a lady attending our church who used to teach music in the public school. She told us how some children are taught at home to go to school, make a scene that will evoke drastic reactions from the staff. Then he/she will go home and tell momma who will consult a lawyer so they can sue for damages. This is parenting gone off the rails - far and wide. Christians don't do this.

One of Susanna Wesley's rules in training children is to not give them something they cry for. Once I learned that principle, I refused to do so. If a child cries for something, begging it is a "No, no." (We must understand if an infant cries this is his only method of communication. We are talking about an older child.) They have to learn to ask for it nicely.

Enid, I do not know if these parents are aware how they can control this situation. Too many do not want to be advised by older people because they think we are old-fashioned, don't know anything, but they would do well to listen what those who have gone on before have to say.

I was going to share insights from Proverbs 31 but this issue is begging to be discussed so maybe I will need to share and this concerns sibling rivalry (SR).

Sibling rivalry and fighting with other children will happen. Make no mistake.

Most parents despair, wondering where they have gone wrong when their children 'fight' or can't get along. If there are two or more in the family it will happen because they have the sinful nature driving them.

There can be natural situations that will lend itself to SR:

1. Temperament.

2. Birth order. (Kevin Leman writes a lot about this.)

3. Parental favoritism.

4. Human nature.

There maybe others but this is what comes to my mind.

I have in recent years learned how important it is for a parent to back off when children squabble...you must keep a discrete eye on them making sure no one is bullying and observe really what is going on. If a parent does so he/she may be surprised what is really going on.

One time we were in a home, sitting in the living room with the children playing in front of us. The older son would very quickly pinch his younger sister and she would holler at him to stop it. The greater her protest the more he did it until finally she resorted to doing something drastic to him and he YELLED - "she 'hurt' me!" The daughter was the one who got scolded and he went scott free. It seems as though this was not an isolated incident. Did we confront him? No, but should have. We have confronted him before and the parent took offense.

When your children are in a group watch how the play is progressing. I have seen children forcibly take toys from another child. Do I allow this to happen if the victim is my child? What do you think? Do you tell your child he must let him have it because you do not want it to appear that your child is selfish...Or, do you go to that child and tell him to return that toy to the one who had it? What do you think? If it is wrong for my child to be a bully, it is wrong for others is it not? I have learned it is better to quietly intervene, not make a scene. If the bully takes offense, so be it but usually he will not. (I am talking about pre-schoolers.)

John Rosamond has some insightful thoughts about SV or squabbles among children. He declares that this will teach a child how to get along, how to control their anger - because if you are having fun and you want to continue, you will have to learn to control your anger. I think he is spot-on.

In a post like this I cannot treat this subject adequately. But there are some writers who address this issue that I recommend and that is Kevin Leman and John Rosamond. Rosamond's newsletters can be found on his website. I have never read any of his books so I have no idea what he has there but the newsletters are so insightful I would guess most godly parents could benefit.

God bless.

In case you are wondering - did you ever fight with your siblings? You bet. I was five years older then the next child. In the meantime my aunt would visit us and she would complain a lot how her two daughters would fight so. To me this sounded like fun! So when I did get a sister, Helen, I told mom one day that I can't wait until Helen gets old enough so we can fight! Today we just laugh at our stupidities!

Workers at Home

This is what Titus 2 teaches us women: we are to be workers at home. The apostle also writes elsewhere that he wishes the younger women to marry, to guide the house. Quite a job, but one that is as varied as the individual. Many challenges.

Modern feminism has downplayed the importance of being a homemaker, has declared that less intellectual persons will only pursue homemaking as a vocation...But we are not into this modern feminism, are we? So let us take a look at Proverbs 31:10-31: NASB

10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

13 She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.

14 She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.

15 She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.

18 She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.

19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.

20 She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.

26 She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

29 "Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

31 Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

As I read this I will be the first one to admit that when I consider all the things a virtuous woman does I suddenly feel very t.i.r.e.d. But taking the second look one becomes aware that not all these things were done in one day.

Let us take a look at what makes a wife excellent?

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

It is that her husband trusts her. Why is this so? Because she does him good and not evil. She is one in spirit and flesh with her husband. She loves him. Love residing in the heart of a woman will evoke a life of compassion displayed in a lifestyle of servanthood as exemplified in motherhood and operating a home successfully. This is the heart of an excellent wife. Let us consider how this looks like where the rubber meets the road.

What does a woman do to earn that trust? According to the rest of the chapter it is that she is industrious. Being busy about the affairs that involve the family's well-being. He can depend on her to look well into the comfort of the family. This is the job of a wife.

Next we will take a look at the ways how a wife is industrious.

Verse twelve tells us that a wife "does him good and not evil all the days of her life." and that "she does not eat the bread of idleness" (27).

A husband's job is be the protector and provider of the family; the wife is the nurturer. Understanding these basic roles in parenting, one understands how there must be absolute cooperation in order to have a peaceful home. The wife understands the limits of her husbands income and will work to live within it, and contributing to it when she can. She will not sit idly by and expect her husband to do all the work and she not do anything: she will earn her keep and contribute to the family's as well.

One of the most basic ways a wife with young children can earn her keep and contribute to the family's finances is to live within their income. A wife will become skilled in making that dollar reach - she will learn skills in how to make, create that will add to the family's comfort and ease. Just because you were not taught how to do something is no excuse to not try to learn. I would think it near impossible for a parent to teach a child everything that is essential for living. The least a parent can do is to teach a child to be adventuresome, eager to learn new skills and not quit when the first attempts are failures. As you try, and learn other insights will come that will advance your cause. In all this when your walk with the LORD is close you will find your skills improving, advancing beyond what you initially thought possible.

It seems redundant to emphasize how important it is to live within one's income but it needs to be stressed. Recently I heard of a relative whose wife spent them into bankruptcy because she had a buying habit that could best be described as addictive. To fuel her 'addiction' she stole from family, church... Today people do not want to be around her! We do not want this to happen to us, do we?

Work with your hands - homemaking is done with a keyboard and a screen... nor an iPod.

As I looked at this portion of the WORD I was surprised how many verses relate to the acquisition, the manufacturing of clothing, including bed covers. Reckon I never before looked at it this closely.

v.13:She looks for wool and flax - she looks for the materials

v.19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hands grasp the spindle. She spins it....

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household, For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her level of enjoyment is:
"And works with her hands in delight." v.13.

This is one of the basic responsibility of a wife and mother - to clothe her family. She works to dress her family in nice, fine clothing - clothing she made herself. And she delights in doing so. She experiences a sense of satisfaction in seeing her family well-dressed.

How does a virtuous woman cloth herself and her family? She looks for fine fabrics - fabrics that are durable, that are beautiful. She knows the quality of fabric varies and what kinds are good for what. She becomes knowledgeable of them. (When I look at ready-made clothes for women and children I am shocked at the poor quality of the fabrics. No wonder they look ugly so quickly.)

She also is not afraid to work to make her thread, yarn, weave her fabric. Not many know how to do this today because this process has been commercialized to where it is a lot cheaper to buy fabrics but the point is well taken - one is not afraid to "take a hold of the distaff and spindle" and use her hands, her arms to do physical work.

Ladies, may I encourage you to take a look at sewing for your family. I will be the first to admit that it is not the cheapest route to go in dressing your family. You have to invest money in sewing machines and fabrics, notions, patterns. (I have three sewing machines, including a serger bought off of eBay. Most of my stash of fabrics have been purchased on sales. I am always looking at remnants at fabric stores - they are at a reduced price and if something looks nice, I will get it. My daughter was pretty old before I purchased fabric off a bolt for her dresses.) Patterns last for years, notions are used up quickly but you want a stash on hand so you have it when you need it. But let me tell you, I am the most contented person when I am creating in my sewing room. I make mistakes but this is par for the course. When it happens you remedy it and go on..and if you repeat the mistake you just sigh, laugh and try again.

And ladies, do you know what happens when you develop this skill? (24) She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen. Oh! she parlays this skill into a business...and what can she do with her money? She considers a field and buys it. (16) Wow! And then? (From her earnings) she plants a vineyard.

Enough to keep a woman busy a long time. What else motivates her? Her husband and children: v.28: Her children rise up and bless her;Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 29 "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.”

AND "Give her the product of her hands" - her husband lets her do with the earnings what she wants to.

Husbands, praise your wife when she tries something. Encourage her to stretch herself. In the end you will benefit and you will be proud of her! (AND - your praise works wonders in motivating her - I know this from experience!)

The Benefits of Sewing

Opps! doesn't sound very spiritual, does it? Well, if the WORD had not introduced this topic, I would not write about it here. But we are talking about the practical aspects of homemaking. While we are doing so let us never forget that homemaking is a ministry God intended for females to engage in for the satisfaction of the husband and the propagation of the human race. A wife must provide a place where children can be nurtured to grow into productive human beings, hoping they will choose to serve the LORD when God calls them. While doing so there are specific tasks allocated to a wife that she is responsible for in the ongoing work of being a wife and mother and providing clothing is one of them. So, let us take another look at sewing for the family, the home.

Sewing for the family is not a salvation issue but a godly woman will want to clothe her family decently and modestly - the NT teaches us that we should dress modestly. In doing so we will want to teach our children to dress likewise.

Dressing modestly is at its core at odds with the world that works to destroy moral purity via sensual dress. How I dress reflects what is in my heart - you cannot separate the two - "out of the heart the mouth speaketh"; our works demonstrate to others what abides, rules in the heart. Modest dress will not save you any more then your cat can, but modest dress does tell the world what you are thinking about them and yourself. If you do not want to be considered a slut you will not dress like one. If you are a saint, you will dress like one. (And what does a saint dress like? How about letting the Holy Spirit lead you?)

Evelyn Miller, from "Lilies of the Field" - a business that sews modest clothing for girls and women - told us how they get mailings from the fashion industry informing professional sewers about upcoming designs in the clothing industry. She told us how they are all geared to being sexy, designed to entice lust. Then it behooves one to think differently, wondering how one can stand up to this onslaught of immodest designs in clothing. I would have to say Evelyn and her daughters dress beautifully - when I first saw her, I thought how queenly! How regal! Expensive? No, not if you make it. It was all in the design and creative use of fabrics. And, this, sisters, is what we are called to do: to be a counter-culture in a world that is rushing head long towards hell.

I have visited forums on the web for years. I read the posts of moms who are very concerned about dressing their daughters modestly. The main problem they have is that they cannot buy anything modest and that they cannot sew! So, please help! I have one question: if you are not willing to buy a sewing machine and learn to sew, how on earth will your daughter ever learn? She won't. She will be at the mercy of the prevailing fashion industry whose goal is to entice females to dress seductively. Since this is the case, I would urge you to go buy a sewing machine at a dealer - they will have machines in about any price range - and learn to sew. Many sewing machine shops will give you basic lessons in how to operate your machine. If you want lessons in learning how to sew clothes they should be able to point you to a place that does. If this is not available locally, there is the web - there are tutorials, websites that will answer any questions you may have.

Dressing your family modestly, teaching your children to do likewise is the driving motive to sew. But there are other reasons to learn to sew. Proverbs 31 teaches us how a wife can parlay this skill into a commercial business. While this usually is not an option when children are small, it is one that can be done later. There are many ladies who earn extra money sewing for the public. Some do it by sewing clothing, others by piecing quilts, quilting (I have two friends who do it professionally, entering their works into regional competitions - and they are winning awards - one such lady posts here on SI), or by sewing/embroidering whatever is in demand. All of these works can be done from the home with a minimum of investment.

(In case you are wondering, do I sew for the public? No. I sew for my family, home, and make dresses for girls that I give away. I do not have the mental stamina to do custom sewing for ladies. They are so particular, hard to please and I cannot handle that well. They expect top notch jobs but are not willing to pay for it. Gets frustrating. But maybe someday I will - my husband thinks I can and should.)

There is one more aspect to sewing that one should mention. Scripture does not mention it but I am sure the LORD knew all about it when he encouraged wives to make coverings of tapestry (v.22) - I interpret this as including quilts. There is something that happens to the mind of a woman who is creating a thing of beauty. It is so richly satisfying. It calms, it pleases the emotions and you are being productive in the process. When mama is happy, experiencing first hand the delight of the work of her hands and mind, she is just a happier person. I love to be around sewing enthusiasts: they are such happy people! Not all are, but most are. They are willing to share ideas on how to improve a project or whatever you are working on. It is a constantly evolving skill.

God knew what the fringe benefits are for a wife who is engaged in this skill - it is no happenstance. God is so wise in what he encourages ladies to do in homemaking...

(EDITED)

Proverbs 31:14-16 NASB
14 She is like merchant ships; She brings her food from afar.

15 She rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens.

16 She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

Not only does a godly woman assure that her family is well dressed, she also is diligent in providing food for her household which will/may include employees.

She is knowledgeable about food that will enhance their diet in that she will look beyond their borders for food stuffs. I am not sure if the ships back then were bringing in food items like meats, veggies or fruits but they did bring in spices which were sought out by by skilled chefs/cooks. Since this was the case, she is concerned that the food prepared for her household is tasty.

The wife is one who adheres to a schedule, she stays on top of things be it day or night. Feeding her family is of utmost importance. She makes sure her family is well fed upon rising before they begin their day. Not only is she concerned about her family she cares for any maids she has working for her.

The wife makes wise investment[s]. She will work to assure that she has a plot of ground where she can grow foodstuffs for her family. Whether this term vineyard literally means vineyard or whether it is a generic term that includes an orchard and a garden, I am not sure but think it means the latter. In any case, to plant a 'vineyard' requires a lot of planning, knowledge about growing plants, diligence in caring for the plants, weeding, harvesting and preserving. She is not idle, is not scared to work with her hands, arms - they become strong with much usage. (v.17: She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong.) Doing so will assure her family will have food when the snow flies because she thought ahead; worked when the growing, harvesting season was upon them.

Lots of hard work, gardening, that is. And...surprise! she cannot do it all by herself, either. The solution is to rope in her children and assign tasks for them to perform - this gardening is a family project that all must participate in for the welfare of all involved. Not only will the family benefit by having food to eat, they will learn the value of work. And...work will make them so tired they will not have the energy to get involved in destructive, rebellious play. They will have learned to respect what they have because it took a lot of hard work to get it and won't be of a mind to destroy it or being careless with it.

When our children were at home, we put them to work in gardening. One of our the boys recalled reading how the Indians taught the pilgrims to fertilize corn: plant a fish then plant a seed on top. He got the brilliant idea to do likewise. He went to an old farm pond behind our place and got a bucket of fish and did just that. Hey! It worked. When crops were harvested I put them to work. The time came when I could buy sweet corn in the husk easier then I could raise it. We would go pick ten bushels of it and go home, husk it, and I would blanch it and freeze it. So, who husked the corn? They did. They got tired of it, but they survived. Today, these boys, now men, are excellent cooks. One of them is into studying garden catalogs and buying all kinds of fruit trees, vines, planting them for food. It did not hurt them - they may have thought it would kill them, but they survived. And..they...learned.

Mom, if God gave you children, the best way to teach them life skills is to get them involved in your work, working alongside you. They live there and they have to learn that if you do not work you do not eat, either. More life skills are taught in the course of working together then it is by sitting down and lecturing them.

God bless.

Proverbs 31:20: NASB: She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

I find it insightful to the few words used to address this issue of helping the poor. I speculate why this is so and conclude there likely is a very reason for this.

Females by their very nature are endowed by their creator, God, with a nurturing mindset so it goes without saying that the WORD does not have to urge women to share with the poor.

As I look at this issue I see much value in the sharing of goods on a personal level. Jesus referred to this principle when he said one is not to let the left hand know what the right hand is doing. Embedded in this principle are a few truths that escape a casual reader.

Sharing on a personal level will work to protect the dignity of the receiver. Some people are deeply embarrassed to be on the receiving end of gifts.

Sharing on the personal level will work to prevent an entitlement mentality on the part of the recipient because the wife has limitations as to goods and time that can be devoted to philanthropy.

Broadcasting your generosity will invite pride; "Look! See what I did! - See! how rich I am and what I can do!" Jesus says these people have received their reward and thus will not be acknowledged in heaven. Opps! So, how does one share Jesus way? Privately and quietly. And this is what mothers and wives can do.

As I look at our society and have witnessed first hand how charity has gone off the rails it becomes challenging how one can share lest one makes life for the prodigal comfortable. Or, should this not be our concern? As a woman this troubles me. Then there is the brother or sister who really does need our help and as children of the KING we do share.

May I suggest that we ask the LORD to bring people across our path who he wants us to bless? I think so. Doing so will bring greater blessing to the giver that anything else you can imagine. Try it and see what happens!

EDITED for clarity

Ginny,

We are having a youth retreat at my church. The boys and the girls are going to be divided up and I have been partnered with the youth minister to come up with the curriculum. May I use some of the information you posted to help develop the curriculum for the girls?

--Nate

Nate,

Use any, all you want, however you want. I do not own it. All I care about is that people would be drawn closer to the LORD.

I suppose you noticed that I used Titus 2:4,5 as my main guideline for the topics discussed. Makes it easier when you have an outline to keep some semblance of order.

I find your interest in composing your own curriculum interesting. I tend to do likewise - too many times when I am offered one and told to use it, I feel real irritation in my spirit. At one time I had hoped to compile one for children's Sunday School - going through the Bible on a four (?) year cycle. But after thinking about it, gave it up - too much work and would need the cooperation of a lot of others. As I see it, too many compilers have no clue how to teach children. My irritation reach its zenth when one years quarter was totally doctrine! Hello! In teaching children you tell a story and in the telling of it you teach doctrine. Unless the child - and most adults - have a story that will illustrate the doctrinal point, it will be lost on the student. Enough of my rant.

Maybe once you get your curriculum written, mind sending me a copy? I am not demanding it, but am interested. But do keep me posted. My email addy is listed in my profile.

God bless.

ginnyrose

Thank you! Once we are done I will send you a copy.

As I am getting to the close to finishing up this thread - who knows? it may go longer then I expect, I tend to be long winded but am working on this liability - other related subjects come to mind that I never addressed or not in depth as I should have. What alerts me to this omission is usually something I read elsewhere or more likely it is the Holy Spirit reminding me. I will be posting these topics here and hope to print the title in the subject box.

ginnyrose

I found this blog the other day and was impressed. I considered the writer to be right on target so I emailed him asking permission to use it here on this thread. Permission was graciously granted with the only stipulation that I credit the writer.

I know very little about Mr. Challis other then what he wrote here.

ginnyrose

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6 Deadly Enemies of Marriage by Tim Challis

Marriage is under attack. Marriage has always been under attack. The world, the flesh and the devil are all adamantly opposed to marriage, and especially to marriages that are distinctly Christian. Marriage, after all, is given by God to strengthen his people and to glorify himself; little wonder, then, that it is constantly a great battleground.

I have been thinking recently about some of the foremost foes of Christian marriage and, really, the foremost foes I see creeping up to assault my own marriage. Here are 6 deadly enemies of marriage, and Christian marriage in particular.

NEGLECT OF FOUNDATION

The enemy of marriage that deserves to be at the very top of the list is this one: neglecting the foundation””neglecting the biblical foundation. The Bible makes it clear that marriage is an institution decreed by God and an institution meant to glorify God by displaying something about him. The great mystery of marriage is that the covenantal relationship of husband and wife is a portrait of the covenantal relationship of Christ and his church. Marriage is from God, about God, to God, and for God, so we neglect God at our peril. It is only when the biblical foundation is in place that we are able to rightly understand how a husband and wife are to relate, how they are to take up their separate roles, and how they are to seek to bring glory to God both individually and as a couple. To build marriage on any other foundation is to neglect the rock in favor of building upon the sand.

NEGLECT OF PRAYER

Prayer is our lifeline, the means through which we praise God, express our gratitude, confess our sin, and plead for help. The couple that prays together is confessing before God that they are dependent upon him, that they are unable to thrive without him. Private prayer is essential to the Christian life, and prayer as a couple is essential to the Christian marriage. Here, kneeling at the bedside or sitting by the fire, the husband and the wife meet with the Lord together, praising him for his goodness and grace, confessing their sin against him and against one another, and pleading for his wisdom and help. When prayer ceases, the couple is tacitly proclaiming that they can survive and thrive on their own, that they do not need God’s ongoing, moment-by-moment assistance. Prayerlessness is a great foe of marriage.

NEGLECT OF FELLOWSHIP

Another great enemy of marriage is a lack of fellowship””local church fellowship. Satan loves it when he can compel an individual to withdraw from the church; how much better when he can draw away a couple or a whole family. When a married couple leaves the church, or even pulls back to just doing the bare minimum, they are leaving the place where they are meant to see healthy marriage modeled, where they are able to worship together side-by-side, where they will find friends before whom they can open up their marriage so others can see and diagnose their struggles. Marriage thrives in the context of the local church and withers outside it.

NEGLECT OF COMMUNICATION

Just as Satan wants a couple to stop communicating with God through prayer, he also wants that couple to stop communicating with one another. Free, open and regular communication is key to any relationship, none more so than marriage. When a couple is able and willing to communicate, they are able to admit and work through the difficulties, they are able to share both the joys and the sorrows that are inevitable in a life lived together. Too many couples stop communicating, or perhaps they never learn. Instead of working through issues, they allow them to remain, to fester, and to become toxic. Communication is key to a healthy marriage, and lack of communication is a perilous foe.

NEGLECT OF SHARED INTERESTS

When a couple is dating it is rare for them to find they have nothing in common, that they have few shared interests. But as time goes on, as they become husband and wife and settle into normal life, they can so easily fall into their separate routines. Now they live alone together, two people carrying on their separate lives under the same roof. Shared interests motivate shared time, shared conversation, shared passion. It can be a hobby, it can be an activity, it can even be a television show, but it ought to be something. The neglect of shared interests is a great enemy to a healthy marriage.

NEGLECT OF SEX

God was good to provide that strange and mysterious gift of sex in order to bind a husband and wife together in a unique way. Sex is the superglue of a healthy marriage, and yet most couples are never far from neglecting it or from replacing it with pornography or something, anything else. The Bible demands that a husband and wife maintain the sexual relationship in all but the narrowest of circumstances””with mutual agreement, for a short time, in order to concentrate on prayer. There are inevitable times when nothing seems more difficult than pursuing the sexual relationship and nothing seems easier than neglecting it, but to neglect sex is to directly disobey God. To neglect sex is to disregard one of God’s great and indispensable gifts.

If Satan cannot destroy a marriage, he will at least determine to weaken it. To neglect any of these 6 things is to invite his presence and to welcome his influence.

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Tweets:
Marriage is from God, about God, to God, and for God, so we neglect God at our peril.

Private prayer is essential to the Christian life, and prayer as a couple is essential to the Christian marriage.

Shared interests motivate shared time, shared conversation, shared passion.

http://www.challies.com/christian-living/6-deadly-enemies-of-marriage

Proverbs 31:23-29 NASB

23 Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells [them], And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.

26 She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband [also], and he praises her, [saying]:

29 "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all."

We have looked at this chapter, studied it and took lessons what a woman does that will earn her the distinction of being virtuous.

A woman whose value exceeds that of rubies is resourceful; she is industrious; she is not afraid to work with her hands; she guides her household well; she is an investor; she is always alert to the needs of her household and works to meets those needs, thinking ahead having the supplies on hand when they are needed. In the end, what benefits does she experience?

1. Her husband is freed from the responsibility of doing the household work so he can be among the wise men and learn what he needs to learn in his work. (v.23) He is liberated to pursue his work of providing whatever the family needs. While it appears as though the wife is doing it all, she isn't - she is just working to maintain a household that is running smoothly so the home can be a peaceable place to live.

2. She does not worry about the future because she has made preparation to accommodate it. She feels secure in her work - secure to the point were she carries the look of strength and dignity.v.25

3. She readily teaches any who want to learn and she does it with kindness. Experience will teach one what works and what does not. This info she will readily pass along to help others in their work. In it all she is kind, patient.

4. Her husband and children praise her. They are proud of her. And say it, are generous with their praise. They do not feel threatened by having a wife and mom who does well. They are grateful and say so. Wonder how many husbands and children thank their wives, their moms what she does for them? Some men are so egotistical they would choke before praising their wife - and perhaps that is why there is conflict between them - she does not experience any appreciation from the ones she works to serve. Opps! I digressed...

5. A word to the husband, children: (v31)"Give her the product of her hands, And let her works praise her in the gates." Don't stand in the way of her enjoying the benefits of her work. If she earned it, let her keep it! Do not downplay her work! Be proud of her! If someone praises her, don't get jealous and enumerate her faults...a woman who experiences praise from her family will work harder then ever - it energizes her!

And the bottom line is that "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised." v.30

EDITED

I cannot write about godly homemaking without addressing this issue. I know I speaking to the choir, most of you are god-fearing people and married. So what is the issue? If you are married and have children, they will have to deal with this issue and how can a parent protect their child from the onslaught of perversion that permeates society?

(By way of introduction, let me tell you I have worked as a volunteer counselor at a Crises Pregnancy Center for fifteen years. In the course of our work we were required to do chastity/abstinence counseling. I have a driving passion for this issue as you shall see.)

When I was growing up (b. 1947 - do your math!) I kept hearing from my elders that fornication is SIN and that engaging in it will undermine marriage stability. We were also told that marriage is no cure for fornication - that if you indulge before you are married you will continue to do so after. As I have aged I had the opportunity to observe a lot of changes in society, including that what is common among church people. And...I have learned the old people were right on.

When I was a teen the youth were taught how one should behave when on a date. Now dating back then was when a fellow asked a girl to go with him to some event, like church, youth activity or some other fun thing. Often it was in the context with others but not always. When alone it was a time of visiting. These times may be spent in playing games, and such like. We were warned often how we are to keep hands off each other! No necking, no kissing, no petting - this is reserved for marrieds. These principles were taught at youth meetings, from the pulpit for all to hear, be they child or grandparents. We were warned. So then our conscience was educated quite well with guilt that was sure to flare up when violated. As a result I know of no single girl in my wide range of acquaintances who had a baby out of wedlock back then. None, although there were a few 'shot gun' weddings, I mean a few. Back then.

When I worked at CPC I have come to deeply appreciate my upbringing. I felt truly sorry for my clients. Yet. Yet they were not ignorant of morals - they were taught to not fornicate, but why did they do it still? I do not recall of having any clients (except for one who appeared to be mentally deficient) who did not know that fornication is sin. My clients were black, white, Hispanic from any and all kinds of churches except for Morman. What the difference?

As one looks over the churched landscape one sees marriages ending in divorce with no guilt or apology. Oh, sure, some will raise the alarm, but it has no impact upon the populace. We see people in churches who are divorced, remarried, singles living together without 'benefit of clergy' accepted all in the name of forgiveness, tolerance, and being non-judgmental. "We got to allow them in so they can hear the gospel and hope they will get saved" - so goes the philosophy. So, the good natured people will work to make them comfortable, get them to participle in church activities, show them a good time. Fine social club to belong to! Got enough religion to make you feel good but not enough to effect any changes beyond some behavior modification.

The church in their eagerness tolerates immodesty in the pews - all in the name of accommodating the sinner, but being oblivious to the damage this incurs in the hearts and minds of the males, be they young or married.

Churches may teach how one should be modest but there are no guidelines given to teach people what modesty looks like. All the young know is they do not want to look like a grandma! So when fashions dictate the hemlines to go up, so do the church girls. When necklines plummet, so do the church girls'. If fashion dictates skin-tight clothes, so do the church girls'. There will always be those in the church that will follow the latest fashion trends and in the name of forbearance it is tolerated.

Prom time comes and your darling teens do not want to be left out so mom and dad work to buy them the latest prom dress and the guys get their tuxedos for a night of fun - and mom and dad will yet go rent a room at the motel to bring all this fun to a climax.

Then in another month or two girls are weeping because they are missing their period. So, mom will carry her off to the abortionist who may happen to be a well respected civic leader and church member. Or, maybe not. In any case it really doesn't matter to the client.

This abortion was horrible, but she recovers quite easily because after all it was just a surgical procedure. Hey! It cost only a few hundred dollars. Girls resume her education career and there will be more intimacies shared with fellows who speak sweet nothings, urging her to demonstrate to him how much she loves him by allowing him access to the most private parts of her body. Another abortion, maybe. Or, maybe she has regrets for the first one and decides to keep her baby. Now life assumes a different pattern. Who is going to pay for the hospital expenses? Just go to the Depart. of Human Services and they will help you pay. So her medical bill is paid for thanks to the generosity of the American taxpayer.

Now here is little junior or Susie with no daddy. And mama is working hard or maybe she cares not to work but lives instead with her mama and daddy - who pay her bills. So off to the CPC she goes - they have clothes - maybe they will help me.

More later...

The room was well lit, well furnished, the decor beautiful. Across from me in nice upholstered chairs sat a beautiful young black couple, both students at Mississippi State University. They had goals in life - getting an education that will enable them to pursue these goals, making a decent living for themselves. Admirable. They looked very respectable, intelligent and they were very quiet. They were very sober. Because you see, I just told them that the lady is pregnant. Oh. NO! A pregnancy will derail their plans for their future. They planned on getting married sometime in the far future, not anytime soon. A baby will mess up their plans for the future royally. Since this is the case they were certain the only way to assure their plans will materialize is that they have no option but aborting.

My heart sank. They were a nice looking couple, I liked them. I proceeded to inform them why it would not be in their best interest to abort - beginning with the natural reasons leading on to the spiritual and Biblical ones. They listened carefully, making no comments at all. Silent. They left and I felt like a total failure - convinced they will abort. Depressing. Totally. Fortunately, I had a husband at home who is a good listener who will allow me to unload....

Time was coming when I needed to do follow-up on this couple. And I procrastinated and procrastinated doing so because you just do not like calling clients who you will tell you they aborted their baby.

I called the lady and wondered how she was doing? "Oh, we are doing fine", she said. "We are getting married soon...we decided to not abort the baby..." "You WHAT?" "Yes, we decided to not abort...we got to thinking about what you said and you are right so we decided to keep the baby..." I was utterly surprised and even now as I recall this incident I want to tear up...

Ladies, it is a tragedy when a pregnancy will prompt a wedding. Among the most distasteful things I did when counseling couples like this was to encourage them to get married because I know the probability of them divorcing later is much greater. (In the case I mentioned I believed this couple had a better chance of making it go then most.)

Ladies, sisters, do not give in to fellows who want your body for their own pleasure! And ladies, do not pursue guys either to satisfy your pleasure! It is SIN. It will take you to hell. Do you know that illicit sex is addictive but married sex is not? Figure that out if you can. If you do not want to do that figuring, I will tell you - it is because when you do it God's way, it is a wonderful blessing He has given to two people - a male and a female. When indulged wrongly it creates within a body an excessive desire for more. If it is misused it also becomes doubly ugly - something that affords a lot of immediate pleasure but will leave you with a lot of grief later in the form of lost of trust for males, impairs bonding when you do get married, a pregnancy (eventually) and sexually transmitted diseases for which there are no cure for some - and some have no symptoms but will cause problems like infertility.

People, do you know when you have been intimate with others that when you get married and now you want to consummate this relationship all the ones you have been with will be right there in your memory - they will crowd the person you married? What a dreadful burden! That this will impair your ability to bond with this person? It is as though he or she is just another person similar to so-and-so who I had sex with. Comparisons - how dreadful! People, you want to be the only person in the life of your married partner to ever have had sex with. This then means you abstain from any, and all premarital sex. And no playing with it either! Sex is not just intercourse, it employs the mind as well, like you have when you view porn.

Did you know that premarital sex will cripple your chances of having a good marriage - even if you only had sex with the one you married? Being engaged does not give one license to be intimate. None. Because you are NOT married. A private promise to love and cherish is not binding. It has to be one that is made publicly - has to have witnesses.

So, you have messed up, you have been a failure, is there no redemption for me? Yes, there is. God will be delighted to forgive - if you are sincerely sorry for your rebellion, sin and repent. He will forgive, cleanse your record - the blood will have been applied. The problem is that the body does not forgive - it will scream out for more. You see the body is not redeemed - you have engaged in an activity that employs the deepest emotional, physical pleasure there is and it wants more. So, you see, just asking God to forgive will not automatically spare your from a harvest of your sinful indulgence. It will require an intense, careful walk with the LORD all your life, even when you are married. God will redeem you but you MUST allow God to shape that redemption, changing you from glory to glory. It can and does happen but know too, that failure to stay close to the LORD will pave the way for more relapses into immorality. And this is why you have the high rates of divorces among people of all kinds because they have left down their guard. You must realize how vulnerable you are and cooperate with the Holy Spirit to protect you from temptation.

Did you even wonder why there are no ministries that will address other sins, help its victims to overcome certain sins like you do that of immorality? I never heard of any one ministry that works to rehabilitate liars, murderers, thieves. Sure you have ministries that will teach people how to walk with the LORD but nothing like you have where people have to go for intense counseling for indulgence in immorality, be it physical or emotional, like what happens when one uses porn. Think about that!

The most awesome thing about this issue is that people instinctively know it is sin, wrong. How is this so? I credit this with the power of the Holy Spirit in the life of people, teaching them what is right and what is wrong. They may not know why but just know it is. So when I tell someone what they did was wrong, they will readily admit they knew it. The problem lies in motivating people to listen to what they know they should do.

God bless.

EDITED for clarity

It should go without saying that a person should not have to explain why God set perimeters around the sexual act, limiting its indulgence. But people being what they are, always wanting to know why, sometimes one has to indulge them.

Sex means something different to a female then to a male - so I have been told, never been a male. (duh!) To a female there is an emotional component that is not strong in a male. When she surrenders her body to a male she is assuming he loves her because of the sweetness he will speak to her. And she believes him. In a marriage relationship these things can be believed because the husband has lived out his kindness and love to her. But in a couple who see each other sporadically, this demonstration of love is absent. He may say he loves her but what he really means is I really love myself and knows that unless he speaks kindly to her she will not surrender her body to him.

After a while one or the other may tire of each other and they go their separate ways. This inflicts severe hurt to the female. She suffers much, experiencing severe rejection. But it passes and before to long the cycle repeats itself. It is a lot like a band-aid that you put on your skin. When you remove it the first time it hurts because of its stickiness, pulling on the hair. If you put it on again and remove it, it will have lost some of its stickiness and removing it will not be as painful. Subsequent application of the band-aid will render it useless because it no longer can bond. So it is when people become promiscuous. They will have ruined the ability to bond with someone when they do marry.

Another issue that comes to the fore when people indulge in immorality is that getting to know each other beyond the flesh is ignored. All they know is satisfying their fleshy drive. They care little about what the other's dreams are, his/her hopes, fears, dreams of the future, their philosophy of life. They choose to get married because they want to continue this pleasurable activity and think they can sustain it indefinitely. Wrong! People relax and weary of it AND then they find this partner irritating - irritating because they do not know what makes him/her tick. They have found out they have married a stranger who they do not really know and maybe do not like all that well. Then the wife feels hurt, used, taken advantage of and this is true. But what do you do? You are stuck if you regard marriage as something for life. Or, if you have a no regard for the marriage vow, you will head to the divorce courts to relive the same mistake all over again.

Then there are sexually transmitted diseases. There are more today then there were back in the 60s - I think there were only two back then. Today there are anywhere from 35-50, some say 25 and I suspect this is a low number. Some are incurable and you will have to deal with flare-ups that can be painful. All because you had sex with one person who had a STD...and many males do not know they are carriers. They do not carry the same symptoms as the female because their pluming is different.

I would urge any young person and any parent who is interested in this topic to check out this video series by Pam Stenzel. She is the product of a rape, is married, has children and speaks to high school students on the importance of pursuing virginity. I have heard her speak personally and I must say her presentation is riveting. She wastes no time or words and speaks forcibly just like she does in the video. Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFYPigFlp7w

A quote by Pam: "Love will never ask you to do something that will damage you."

All these words to explain why God said "Thou shalt not commit adultery (immorality)"... It would be a whole lot easier if one would not have to go to such length to justify God's command...

I would love to hear what your take is on this issue.

We are explicitly told in the scriptures that immoral persons will not inherit the kingdom of God. But in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus informs us that lusting with the eye is adultery as well.

One thing we all know is that lusting with the eyes will precede the actual working out in the flesh. As I understand human nature the desire begins in the heart before it finds its fulfillment in real life. Once it finds its literal fulfillment in the flesh one has crossed a line in which physical dangers become real, like STDs, pregnancies, lost of trust.

Then you have those who are addicted to porn. Nothing physical between the viewer and the image but there is a mental bondage that does interfere in a husband and wife relationship. Jesus makes no distinction between it and the literal act as far as God is concerned.

What are you thinking?

Single and Pregnant?

I feel compelled to address this issue before I go back to the homemaking one.

I am convinced that promiscuity and the resultant pregnancy evokes some of the most STUPID decisions females are likely to ever make. Let me share a couple of the worst of the stupid ones.

A single high school girl got pregnant. Mama was so concerned about her single, only daughter being an unwed mother so they force the daddy to marry their beloved daughter. They met him at the JP and were married. He went his way and she went home to her mama and daddy, never to see him again! and that marriage was never "consummated". And mama says her son-in-law will never see his child.

A girl was involved with a guy and married him. THREE weeks later she decided to divorce him. Why? Because he is irresponsible, will not hold down a job, plus a few other things inherent in irresponsibility. Forget what her pregnancy test showed...

Ladies! Marriage is for life! Do you get it?

Or, she will choose to abort it. Or, she decides she will parent her child. So what is wrong with that? Plenty! Did you know that under the OT law an illegitimate child and his subsequent generations - 10 of them - was prohibited from entering the assembly of the LORD? (Deuteronomy 23:2) If this was the case back then we must know that illegitimacy is a serious sin in the sight of an Almighty God.

If you are single and pregnant, STOP right now and get down on your knees and you have a good talk with the LORD and you stay there until you feel totally cleansed. I mean it! Seriously! You not only have sinned grossly against God, you have sinned terribly against your child and yourself. What do you do now? That is why you have to ask God what to do...AND you will have to make decisions based on what God wants because He is more interested in the welfare of that baby then you ever will. (This will be very hard to do because you will have to think Biblicaly, logically, NOT emotionally.) He just may lead you to adopt the child out - because ALL children deserve a dad who will love and care for the child. A single female does not have the emotional stability to raise a child alone. (If you are widowed God gives special grace in this circumstance. And even then a widow feels her lack of a husband keenly - it is very difficult to raise children without a dad.) I have witnessed single moms raise a child alone and the result is not pretty. Sometimes a single mom will try to raise her child[ren] alone to repeat the process all over again, having babies or they eventually end up in the system and then may be adopted out. By then they may have experienced so much emotional trauma that it will make life difficult for him/her.

And adoptees? How do they fare? There are quite a few in our family tree, among them is one of our daughters-in-law, half Hispanic. I know many who are doing very well and some that don't because of the damage inflicted upon them by mom and her boyfriends.

Too many females will never consider adoption because of maternal instinct - "I just cannot give away my baby." They would rather kill it via abortion then give it life - they told me so many times, I kid you not. Or, another excuse is, "what will people think?" You should have thought about that before you let a guy close to you. Yes, people may and will talk because there exists a strong sentiment against adopting out. I have witnessed it personally. Adoption is an acceptable option - the WORD uses this term to describe our acceptance in to the family of God. God would not employ a term that has evil connotation to describe this process. He loves his children too much for that.

Mom, girl, be Biblical about what to do in case of a pregnant single. You must think what is the best for the child (baby). You can NOT make this decision based on emotion, feelings. If you do choose to adopt out, I suggest you pray that the LORD will lead you to the right couple. I do NOT advise you to allow a state adoption agency to find these parents for you. God will lead you to the right people, I promise.

Girls, please, please, if you have been promiscuous, repent NOW! Now, before you ever conceive....Please, if for no other reason then consider your own health - be aware that there is no contraceptive that will protect you from any STDs. None. And many of these STDs will go with you for life. Sin has a price and repentance will not cancel the consequences. Please girls...Please! And guys, this goes for you as well. God will hold you accountable, too. The tragedy is that females are the ones who will suffer the greatest for indulging in this sin, but they cannot do it alone and guys, God will hold you accountable.

Do you understand? Do you get it? Do not think you can indulge in sin and not experience any serious consequences. It has never happened before and never will in the future. Get it? You cannot sin and then think you can go back to God and expect him to forgive. The only people he will forgive are those who are truly sorry and have repented. Don't take him for a fool when you are the fool.

Lord, have mercy! I feel so sorry for the young people who live in a culture that pressures the young to sin grossly...and mom and dad what are you doing to protect your children from this onslaught from the pit of hell?

Titus 2:3:
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,

I looked at this chapter and noticed that verse three had some powerful admonition to the older sisters and I wondered at my oversight of it. After pondering it, I felt this verse needs to be studied, explored.

As I write about this I have in my mind some older ladies who exemplified this type of character. They are people I did not necessarily appreciate when I was a young woman because they rained on my parade! But as I grew up, matured I understood their wisdom. Today, most of these ladies have died. All that are left are those that are 5-10 years older then me. And I miss these older saints. There are moments of panic when I know that there is no older person I can go to to glean some wisdom from them. Then I realize that I am approaching the 'older women' age bracket and I am raining on the young ladies parade. SIGH What goes around comes around.

Anyhow, let us see what the WORD has to say.

Verse three gives us characteristics what an elderly lady should look like. She is:

1. Reverent in behavior
2. Does not engage in malicious gossip
3. Not enslaved to much wine
4. Teaches what is good.

Reverent in Behavior

Reverent, sober in behavior. We are to be people who have learned to think Biblically, realistically not emotionally. We are to be free from bitterness, resentment of things gone wrong, have learned to submit to the trials of life and have learned that God is in control. During all this you have learned that the only place to have peace is in submission to the will of God, allowing Him to be God and you be his handmaiden. That produces a peaceful mindset. AND we are to radiate it.

This characteristic does not happen overnight; neither does it happen in a year but it is something that is being developed by years of walking with the LORD. It comes when you learn how ignorant, stupid you really are and you surrender you self-will. This is a life long process and hopefully you will have learned it by the time the wrinkles appear on your face and your body goes south.

Because someone is old does not mean the devil leaves them alone. My preacher-grandfather used to say that he thought that when a person gets old the devil will leave them alone but he has discovered the devil works harder then ever before because he knows he has limited time left to snare him.

Do you know what the severest temptation is the devil brings to older people? Doubt. How can that happen? you wonder. What happens is you look back on life and you are sadden because of sin that runs rampant among acquaintances, family with no remorse, no repentance. By now you have limited physical capabilities: you no longer can do what you used to do and love. Doubt - it is very read, make no mistake. You know what you as a young person can do to encourage an older person? Express your love and appreciation for them - tell them what they did that you appreciated. Don't be general in your words of appreciation, be specific. They will love you forever if you do that.

So being reverent in behavior means one should live soberly. In your lifestyle you think rationally, Biblically, sensibly not frivolously. You will have learned what will last and what is temporal and make decisions based on this knowledge. What I do today, who will benefit from it? Just me? But for how long - just a few days, years? and after that what will happen? Be put on a yard sale, thrown into the garbage, will my children want it? You consider how enduring it is and whether it is worth your time and effort.

What I do today, who will benefit? Others? Can it ease their life some, make their day? Will I be able to help God answer their prayer?

What I do today - am I still in love with the LORD Jesus and his WORD? Do I cultivate my friendship, my walk with Him? We have plenty of time, do we not? No children clamoring for attention whose noses or behinds need wiping...We have time. Let us so walk because the devil knows his time with us is getting shorter and will work to destroy us. This will not be hard to do with modern communications that will inform you quickly of sin run amok. There are children, grandchildren that need intercession from us before the Father. This is likely the greatest gift an older person can give his descendants.

Looks like this subject could get long, so I will stop for now and will pick it up tomorrow as the Holy Spirit inspires.

Reverent in Behavior - continued

I mentioned how doubt stalks older people. Let me share something else that may surprise you but then maybe not.

There is one thing that happens a lot and that is when people get to be middle aged, after their children become adults you see a lot of these older people you thought were stable in their walk with the LORD, were serious about it and held the WORD in high esteem beginning to let go of convictions they have held onto since they became Believers. Many times they experience a lot of pressure from their children because of the choices they have made. You love them and you do NOT want them to go to hell, No WAY! So, people take another look at the WORD and decide that perhaps it did not mean what they thought it did so they begin to back off in order to accommodate their children's or family's apostasy. And...this problem bedevils preachers, lay persons - it matters not what position they have held in the past nor now.

Now only is it children or family who exert such pressure there are other famous Bible scholars, leaders who will come along with smooth words and get you to question the authority of the WORD. It is indeed the devil using religious folks instead of a serpent to beguile people. And some cave in.

This get to be very discouraging to people who have gone through that stage and have said "NO! Scriptures is true regardless what my family thinks, believes and does.!"

This is where I am at. Now.

Since this is where we are, how do we deal with it? I know one thing, my children/family can never save me but they could drag me down. They are not God, never were and never will be. They will never be able to manipulate God to get him to change his mind. Never. God is sovereign regardless who does what. Each person has to give account for himself; we cannot blame others for our decisions. God's grace is there to enable us to be faithful - children, family notwithstanding. But we also know God is not willing that any should perish and that he loves these people more then we ever can or will and since this is the case He will work to bring about salvation. He also knows who will accept and who won't. Since this is the case our faith and trust gets tried. Sometimes that gets overbearing so I will ask the LORD for some sign that He is aware or that something is happening and He so graciously will show me. The thing may be small but it is such a kind faith-builder by a loving God.

Not malicious gossips

1Peter 2:3: KJV
3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

1Peter 2:3 NASB:
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,

False accusers or Malicious gossips

We all know that maliciousness will take a person straight to hell because we know that attitude is one that resides in the heart and its outward workings brings nothing but strife and contention. But why should an older person be warned against it? Surely by now they should have all their ducks in a row and would naturally eschew anything that is contentious, right?

In studying this concept of maliciousness I did more checking about its definition since it is a word we use very little apart from the scripture and civil law - malicious mischief, e.g.

According to an online dictionary malice means:

1. a desire to inflict harm or suffering on another.
2. harmful intent on the part of a person who commits an unlawful act injurious to another.

Malicious means: Having the nature of or resulting from malice; deliberately harmful; spiteful.

OH. Oh! you mean Christians would actually have to deal with this? What do you think?

How about all those reports one hears of gov wrong-doing - do people not wish sometimes God would rain judgement down from heaven and zap 'em all? Yup. Let us get a little closer to home - after all gov folks are OUT there.

What about all the injustices one has witnessed for which there are no resolutions, there is no repentance and sin rules. How is one to deal with these issues when one sees people hurt? How about it?

I am thinking of my grandpa - he was a man of means. If anyone in the neighborhood needed funds, a church building project or a series of revivals in town needed funds, people knew they could go to him for a generous donation - and never mind if they from a different church then his' he gave generously. But in his time he saw apostasy sweep through their ranks. How is one to respond to such?

I keep asking these questions and wonder. Then my mind goes to that definition: "harmful intent on the part of a person who commits an unlawful act injurious to another." Oh. Does this mean one would not want God's justice to be meted out on them?

When one has lived long enough, observed, witnessed many wrong-doings one can easily become resentful, bitter against people who know better or should have but didn't and they appeared to prosper in their wrong-doing. It just does not make sense. Where is the justice of God, anyhow?

But the scripture tells us to not be false accusers. KJV. Is it possible that sometimes one does not have all the facts? Likely - if all would be known one may take a kinder attitude towards it all. But even if all the facts are known, how does one deal with wrongdoing that resents, resists correction?

What gets really hard on old folks is their own inability to correct whatever went wrong in the past or what is happening now. Very hard. Resentment can crowd in, bitterness takes root and grows and grows until you become a grouch, an unpleasant person to be around. AND worse it will undermine your ability to even minister to others. So does one work to modify your behavior so you can tell others where to get off and on? What about allowing the Holy Spirit to do a thorough cleaning in your heart and see what happens.

In the cleansing of your your heart one will learn that God is the judge and it is in our and other's best interest to let God be God and back off - he just may be working in ways we do not imagine. In any case God is aware and he will use these things to work out his will somewhere somehow - likely out of our sight. (This concept makes me think of someone who pieces quilts. She will save any scrap of fabric that can be sewed because she will find a use for it somewhere in the process of creating. Other sewers will throw them away because they see no use for it in the type of sewing they do.)

Proverbs 31:26: "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." This is what should characterization a godly person, be they old, young, male or female. The only way this can become operational is by the infilling and indwelling of the Holy Spirit in the life of a Believer.

And then one will learn to not become entangled with the affairs of this world because it is always ruled by the prince of darkness - you can never convert him.

Not given to much wine

The consumption of wine among Believers is a controversial subject - one that usually generates a lot of heat on this site. Some say it is OK and others say abstain. In any case the Scripture says "not given to much wine". This assumes older women will be consuming wine.

What is the difference between much and not much? Kind of a no-brainer, don't you think? We all know that the consumption of much will bring about a mind altering state in the consumer whereas 'not much' will leave no lasting effects - so much so that others will not detect that a person has been imbibing.

It has been well established that wine has medicinal properties and there are those who will drink it regularly for health reasons, like meds - just a little bit. Wine, narcotics have their place in the treatment of ailments but excess cause problems.

We women are to have clear minds at all times. Excess alcohol will alter you mental capabilities, your thinking process, one which the Holy Spirit cannot use. We are to be sensible - people that can be trusted at all times. When you speak you are to be trusted to be speaking sensibly. If your mind is under the influence of alcohol you will loose credibility quick. People will lose confidence and trust in you. A case in point:

Recently I was communicating with a brother about someone who has 'prophetic visions'. This prophet is earnest in what he thinks he sees. However, the guy also has an alcohol problem or did have - not sure whether he has conquered it or not, but in any case his alcohol problem destroyed his credibility - one not to be taken seriously. And this is what happens when people drink to excess. It will destroy your credibility because when people are under the influence they will say stupid things. We cannot afford that - God is not honored when this happens.

Grandmas - be sensible, limit your consumption of wine to just a tad bit because there is a lot riding on how trustworthy you are because wine will destroy it quicker then you can ever hope to restore.

Teaches what is Good

Teaching what is good...

I am always a tad bit discomfited when I tell God how I think He is good. I remember Jesus' reaction when someone told him he is good - he deflected that praise by telling the person there is no one good but God. Mark 10:18. I feel this is so inadequate when I sense that any wonderful adjective one can use to describe God is wholly inadequate - he is just too wonderful for words. Now here scripture tells us one should teach what is 'good'. So, what is good?

Where does 'good' come from? Does it not come from God? All things wonderful, perfect, beautiful comes from God. Anything less then that has been tampered with by sin or the devil. God is the epitome of Beautiful - good. And we are to teach what is 'good'.

Goodness has within it the embodiment of joy. God is delightful. Do we witness this in our spirit? I love to read Revelation 4 where John describes his first view of the throne [in heaven] surrounded by myriads of angels praising...can you not see it? Can you not comprehend it? Can you not sense the joy that is there? And we are to teach goodness...

What is good? As I reflect on goodness I see how God's goodness had permeated all of life - from the way we worship to how we keep house to how I give myself to love my husband and children. All this comes from the mind of God - man could never in his imagination come up with anything as beautiful as this. The devil knows it is wonderful because he has worked hard to wreck homes and has succeeded quite well, unfortunately.

As we live life, learn what works and does not work - always allowing the goodness of God to permeate our mind, heart and strength will be able to teach others. We should have learned the futility of impatience...and how we are to exemplify this quality [of patience] with our grandchildren and others. We should have learned - among other things - that children learn differently, there is no one size fits all in dealing with children. Sometimes we have to modify our methods but always staying true to the WORD. We must be able to teach others the importance to stay anchored to the WORD but being able to sway with the wind without loosing our moorings.

Did you ever see a tree standing alone, how beautiful it is - its shape, its fullness? Looks like a wonderful tree to climb - one that can easily hold a swing or two because of the sturdy branches. Compare this with a tree in a forest surrounded closely by other trees. Branches are short, weak because of lack of sunlight. They are straight, tall, reaching for the sun. They make good logs. But when a heavy wind comes they are more apt to break because they do not have the strength to withstand its power, unlike the one alone in the field who has had lots of experiences with wind - making it stronger. So we are to be like the tree planted by the rivers of water - getting our nourishment from the Water of Life but being strong because we have experienced the winds of affliction and can minister from that perspective.

As I am getting close to finishing out my understanding of an older woman's task in the home, community, I want to make a few comments on the the task of older men and younger men.

Titus 2:1,2,6-8 NASB
1 But as for you, speak the things which are fitting for sound doctrine.

2 Older men are to be temperate, dignified, sensible, sound in faith, in love, in perseverance.

6 Likewise urge the young men to be sensible;

7 in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, [with] purity in doctrine, dignified,

8 sound [in] speech which is beyond reproach,

Consider: we are to speak that which promotes sound doctrine and then the scripture proceeds to teach how older men, women and young men are to behave! Sound doctrine and behaviors are intricately linked. You cannot separate the two. Then Titus proceeds to detail how it looks like where the rubber meets the road.

We see the character qualities that should be the norm for older men. Then in verse 2 it says "older women likewise..." Likewise - in the same manner.

In verse 6 Paul addresses the younger men by saying "likewise..." in the same manner. All are called to holiness.

Holiness is not something that is to be pursued by only old people: only old men, only old women, but all. Why is this so? Verse 8 tells us "so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us." This is why we ALL are called to holiness, being faithful in our mission as children of the most High God. This will be a powerful testimony to those that are without. It is a double tragedy when stats tell us that divorce is just as high or higher among church people then what it is in the unchurched! Many church men have failed miserably in leading their flock to holiness! We are counter-culture and as such we are to lead orderly lives. And moms, wives we have a special calling in this mix. Our lives are to be orderly - our homes are to be orderly - an unorderly home in indicative of an unordered mind. And we can not do it alone. Never forget that. It all begins by spending time before the throne, alone with the Lamb.

Our bodies are made to reproduce - once it matures you are reminded of this every month until menopause. It is not an afterthought by God - it is by design, made before the fall. It is a difficult job made more so because Eve was deceived into doubting God and acting on it. Moms, we cannot do our job alone - impossible. You will fail many times and you will get weary wondering where or what the pay will be because it is a long time a-coming. Or not at all. In any case, if God gave you children within the context He commands it to occur, He will give you the knowledge and wisdom to live each day to the full. But we have to submit to His leading - anything else will undermine your ability to function as a wife and mom. It can get very hard at times.

And...I know males have a tough job as well. If you want to know all you have to do is read how they struggle with sin, temptation, leading, teaching righteousness, holiness, loving God in all this mix. Being pure in this sin-saturated world - tough. Yet God calls them to purity in doctrine, being dignified. (Is it not interesting how the writer uses the term 'purity in doctrine'? Can one say that when this is not the case purity in mind and flesh will flounder?)

And you know what? There is nothing that cheers an older mom, grandma like seeing young men serious about serving the LORD without compromise, being dignified - standing strong in the LORD. This bring so much delight to an older mom...

Mom - stay faithful. We are called and if you fail you need to get on your knees and talk to the LORD about it and He will lift you up. This is a divine calling - let us be faithful.

(Will make more comments under the "Random.." later.)

I wrote earlier on disciplining children. In rereading it I wondered why I felt compelled to address this issue again - I thought it was quite basic but perhaps it needs to be revisited to emphasize its importance in parenting.

It is a wise parent who will be sensitive to the forces that will work to undermine your authority. I said AUTHORITY - did you get it? This mean you are BOSS, you are in charge and not the children. Get that? OK...

There are two incidences recently that I became aware of and perhaps this provokes my compulsion to revisit this topic:

1. My grandson attends a Christian school. Nice facility, well trained teachers. But. The children are disorderly, still. They are noisy; hampers my grandson's studying ability - he complains about it.

2. A lady in town visited a ladies sewing circle where they invite guests from the community to join them. One of the ladies - now retired - was the public librarian for many years. She commented on how well behaved the children were. She was not aware that children could be that good - and there were a lot of them there.

Mom, you must teach your children to be able to sit quietly without fidgeting with NO entertainment. Impossible? Hard, yes, but not impossible.

I have a cousin who had a large family - I think 12 of them. Her husband thought she was too stern with them until one day she left to run an errand and he stayed home to mind them. When she came home she found him sitting in the living room reading and all the children were sitting quietly all around the room. He had a switch lying on the floor beside his chair. And they knew he would use it if they disobeyed.

One expert teaches how one can train a child to sit quietly. At a very young age place a blanket on the floor and set your child on it telling him he cannot move off of it. You may have to give him a small toy to keep him occupied - he will be very young like a year old, perhaps. Do it for five minutes and gradually increase the time to 30 minutes. A child needs to learn to sit quietly in church and not yell, be disruptive. They need to sit in the service so they can imbibe what is taught the adults - children absorb more in that context then what is imagined.

May I also suggest you do NOT allow the TV to babysit your children. All it does is entertain them. They do not learn anything worthwhile there. They do not learn how to interact with other children, get along, give and take. It destroys creativity, original thinking. Promotes restlessness in a child that unless he has something moving fast he gets bored. He needs to learn quietness.

Be careful what kind of music you play for your children. Play something that is beautiful, not what you like. I have told people that certain music is not beautiful, and they will agree but they say they 'like it.' Big difference.

Teach your child to sing, read music, sing music - do,re,mi...Many children today have been so entertained by professionals they do not think they can sing! Maybe you think you can't either, but try, learn. It is better to try and mess up then not do it at all.

I had a cousin - the sister to the one I mentioned - who also had a large family. When they went anywhere and to keep order in the car, they would sing. All these children grew up to be exceptional singers - but mom and dad were not all that good. So, you see, it can be done.

And...teach your children that you expect immediate obedience once an order is issued, being certain he understood your command. AND - you are not obligated to justify or defend your order. Ever. Don't allow the child to respond by whining or any griping. AND - do not tell your child that they frustrate, anger you - that is your fault, not theirs. You deal with it, it is not the child's responsibility.

Mom - so many children out there have no clue how to behave, be quiet, submit because their moms are in such a state of disorder that they are acting out what mom does. You do not have to reproduce this kind of person - we are counter-culture, do not forget that.

So you have failed and are in a state of disorder in your home? and how can one change it? It will require a lot of time with the LORD, asking him to enlighten you and you learning to listen to HIS voice as he will tell you what to do. But do not wait until your home is in a state of disorder - do it from the get-go. Your children will live forever - somewhere. Your job is terribly serious - don't let anyone minimize this.

The bottom line in raising disciplined children is that in doing so you are preparing them to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, being obedient to the WORD and being upright citizens in the community. You are not the Holy Spirit and a parent cannot force a child to follow the LORD but God has given each child a mom and a dad and together they are to raise this child to the best of their ability. Then you must sit back and let God work, praying you will not interfere in that process.

God bless.

God bless you, mom.

It seems as though whenever I feel like my posts on this thread are soon coming to an and, the LORD impresses upon my mind another subject that needs to be addressed. And this is the latest one - one I never gave any consideration until last night.

As I write about this I must tell you I have read very little about moral purity in the home, do not distinctly recall any sermons, talks on this subject. It likely has happened that I heard a talk/sermon but it must not have impressed me because I do not remember it happening. Or, maybe it is one that was entwined within the entire subject of moral purity. This likely is the case and since it is it seems like a no-brainer that it should ever be addressed separately. But I also know that one should not assume that people know - just because you do, they may not. Or, if they do have an inkling, they may need some affirmation that what they are sensing is from the LORD.

As a mom we know that we will not sit our children down one day and commence to teach them the principles of - let say, for the sake of the conversation - stealing. You do not describe to them what it is and how you will not allow it in their lives; and if they do, punishment will be forthcoming. No, a parent does not do that - it is something you just do. If your child grabs a toy away from a playmate, you will go to that child and tell him/her he needs to return it and to leave the other alone. If the child throws a fit or tantrum more drastic measures are taken. In any case, by aggressively opposing this child's misbehavior you are teaching him that robbing, stealing will result in punishment and that it is not the way to live. You are also teaching the child to respect the other person. It is a lifestyle you are teaching your child - one that respects others, and that you must learn to give and take and that personal satisfaction, wants are to be controlled. So it is with moral purity - we live it out, demonstrate it to our children.

Moral purity begins with Mom and Dad. It must be a part of who you are and how you act out purity. Consider the ways in which mom or dad may not be living morally pure:

1. Do you view porn?

2. Do you enjoy watching movies, shows, reading magazines that are suggestive?

3. Do you allow videos in your home that contains all these elements?

4. Do you frequent places where there is a public display of undress or nudity?

5. Do you oogle people's private parts?

6. Do you allow magazines, music, videos in your home that exists to feed one's lusts?

7. In your relationship to each other, are you restrained in how you touch each other when in the presence of your children?

8. Is your sex life private?

9. Are the details of your personal intimacy a private thing or are you discussing it openly?

This list will do for now.

The point of this list is to show how respect for each other's bodies is essential and not for exploitation, viewing by others. Legitimate playing is to be limited to the privacy of the couple.

More later...

Before I go any further with this subject I want to take a look at what the WORD has to say about immorality. We will start with the New Testament and work backwards to the OT.

Gal 5:19: Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

There are many other NT scriptures that repeat these sentiments: immorality will doom one to hell. Revelation 21:8. However, a person can repent and be redeemed from such a lifestyle - 1Peter 4:1-6, among others.

As a parent we are aware of the bondage immorality inflicts upon its victims so therefore we are eager to protect our children from its tentacles that work ever so subtly to ensnare its victims. Let us see what the OT law had to say about it.

The OT law is fascinating. It teaches one a lot about the nature of God, human nature and how they relate to each other.

As one studies the OT law one finds how God went into much detail to teach the people what immorality is - no other prohibition is described in detail as the one that pertains to immorality. The Ten commandments say "thou shalt not commit adultery". But what is it? God in his mercy so graciously defines its meaning elsewhere. Violation of it is so serious that one could not offer any sacrifice to atone for it. The only remedy to this sin was death. There was no forgiveness by God back then. This is the only sin I am aware of in which the offender was not given a second chance [under the OT law]. I think we do well to understand the seriousness of this sin.

As this pertains to the family let us take a look at Leviticus 18:

1Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, 2"Speak to the sons of Israel and say to them, ‘I am the LORD your God. 3‘You shall not do what is done in the land of Egypt where you lived, nor are you to do what is done in the land of Canaan where I am bringing you; you shall not walk in their statutes. 4‘You are to perform My judgments and keep My statutes, to live in accord with them; I am the LORD your God. 5‘So you shall keep My statutes and My judgments, by which a man may live if he does them; I am the LORD.
6‘None of you shall approach any blood relative of his to uncover nakedness; I am the LORD. 7‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father, that is, the nakedness of your mother. She is your mother; you are not to uncover her nakedness. 8‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s wife; it is your father’s nakedness. 9‘The nakedness of your sister, either your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether born at home or born outside, their nakedness you shall not uncover. 10‘The nakedness of your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter, their nakedness you shall not uncover; for their nakedness is yours. 11‘The nakedness of your father’s wife’s daughter, born to your father, she is your sister, you shall not uncover her nakedness. 12‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s sister; she is your father’s blood relative. 13‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your mother’s sister, for she is your mother’s blood relative. 14‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s brother; you shall not approach his wife, she is your aunt. 15‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your daughter-in-law; she is your son’s wife, you shall not uncover her nakedness. 16‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of your brother’s wife; it is your brother’s nakedness. 17‘You shall not uncover the nakedness of a woman and of her daughter, nor shall you take her son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter, to uncover her nakedness; they are blood relatives. It is lewdness. 18‘You shall not marry a woman in addition to her sister as a rival while she is alive, to uncover her nakedness.

19‘Also you shall not approach a woman to uncover her nakedness during her menstrual impurity. 20‘You shall not have intercourse with your neighbor’s wife, to be defiled with her. 21‘You shall not give any of your offspring to offer them to Molech, nor shall you profane the name of your God; I am the LORD. 22‘You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination. 23‘Also you shall not have intercourse with any animal to be defiled with it, nor shall any woman stand before an animal to mate with it; it is a perversion.

24‘Do not defile yourselves by any of these things; for by all these the nations which I am casting out before you have become defiled. 25‘For the land has become defiled, therefore I have brought its punishment upon it, so the land has spewed out its inhabitants. 26‘But as for you, you are to keep My statutes and My judgments and shall not do any of these abominations, neither the native, nor the alien who sojourns among you 27(for the men of the land who have been before you have done all these abominations, and the land has become defiled); 28so that the land will not spew you out, should you defile it, as it has spewed out the nation which has been before you. 29‘For whoever does any of these abominations, those persons who do so shall be cut off from among their people. 30‘Thus you are to keep My charge, that you do not practice any of the abominable customs which have been practiced before you, so as not to defile yourselves with them; I am the LORD your God.’” NASB

Have you noticed how many times God uses the term "uncover the nakedness of..." What does it mean - anything other then disrobing a body? Having sex with anyone? I do not think so. The WORD uses the term "lie with" or "went in unto her" when it refers to sex.

But you say, this is OT law, we no longer live under it...Would you then infer that it is ok for anyone to disrobe a female for ogling or for any other lustful reason? Are there any NT scriptures that would nullify this principle as laid out here in Leviticus 18? Let us take a look at Matthew 5:28: "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Oh. Oh....Or how about 1Timothy 2:9: "In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array."

Can we understand the dynamics of what occurs when one disrobes a female body? Is it not the precursor to sex? God was explicit in his prohibition of disrobing a female. He knew where it would lead to if indulged in. God was very concerned that one will work to prevent a greater sin from occurring. Is there a principle here that we parents can learn to teach our children modesty/purity?

Since this is so long, will continue this topic later.

As we explore the teaching of purity in the home there are a few fundamental realities one must consider.

Humans are made to reproduce. This process has its origins in the creative mind of God and he called it very good. Since it was so very good, the devil comes along and spoils it by perverting it through misuse. This is what we are concerned about - how can one protect our children from its misuse?

A child is a curious creature,loves to explore what is unknown to him. This is normal, part of the learning experience in maturing. However, there are some things that are not good for a child to know until he has the spiritual, emotional, intellectual maturity to handle. This is what we are concerned about: how does one protect a child from undue exploration?

The human body is sacred. It is the temple within which the Holy Spirit resides. It must be kept clean, free from unwarranted challenges that comes when it is abused with drugs, illicit sex. How can I teach my child these principles without arousing undue curiosity?

How does a parent teach his child[ren] these principles? Should I give a short answer or the long one? Let us go for the long one...

How about the subjects we discuss in the presence of our children? I was a teen BEFORE I ever heard the term pregnant! The expression of "being in the family way" was used but still it was an obscure one even then. I was pretty old before I knew where babies come from other then 'heaven' - so I was told. It was when I saw a sow (hog) give birth when I finally connected the dots about where human babies came from - pretty old, maybe 9 or 10 - something like that. Today moms tell their very young child they will have a baby and will allow it to touch the belly, listen to it...I cringe when I see that. I sense this knowledge is too great for a young child - this is my instinct. I know children right well, knowing the next question they will ask and even then most parents will be evasive with its answer. Whether your child is aware of where the fetus grows or not, at some level there will be evasive answers to pointed questions.

So...my suggestion is that a parent should not burden a child with information that he is too young to process. But please, reconsider about allowing the child to put his ear, his hand onto your belly to feel the growing fetus...your body is still yours and your husbands - it does NOT belong to your child. Some things should still be private.

More later - got to go to the greenhouses....

"How naked can one be in your own home?"

This is the question that I have heard many a discussion on when I was a young mother. The answer always was "that it is family and so it does not matter." Is this correct?

It was not until I started writing on this subject and I looked at Leviticus 18 and noticed difference of the terms " uncover the nakedness" as opposed to "lie with a male as one lies with a female". These terms do not refer to the same act - they are different. "Uncovering nakedness" is referring to modesty whereas "lie with" is referring to sex - never noticed that distinction before. This insight astounded me but also raised some other questions: what constitutes nakedness? How much undress constitutes nakedness? The NT is silent on its definition of the term other then saying one is to be modest and since this is the case one must look to the OT for some definition - this is a basic rule in Biblical interpretation.

As we look at the scripture in Leviticus one notices it addresses nudity among family members. Does it matter how naked we are in the presence of family? I find it interesting that it addresses family members - maybe the people back then also asked the same question that moderns did - "sure one should be modest in public but it does not matter in the home among your kinfolks."

One thing a parent must always be aware of is that our children are cute little sinners, bent on living out this this lifestyle. AND - it is our job as parents to teach them otherwise. This means we must model modesty in our homes, not allowing them to run naked or in any other state of non-dress. (We were at a home, briefly, one time where their young son ran around without a stitch of clothes - I was embarrassed.) Children are bent on exploration that which is hidden and once they become aware that some things are pleasurable they will delve deeper into things that are forbidden. We do well to insist that our children dress properly even in the privacy of the home and not allow the boys or the girls to see each other in a state of undress.

Since culture is bent on defiling our children a parent must be ever vigilant in guarding their children's purity. This will include in the choosing of their playmates. Do not assume your children's playmates have not been abused sexually. If they have been they will introduce your children to this play as well. If you know a child has been abused sexually you will want to keep a sharp eye on their play and not allow them time alone with your children anywhere. (This is a serious problem in foster care because they will continue this play with others.)

It is a very difficult job as a parent to protect our children from the onslaught of immorality out there, but we can work to prevent it from appearing in our own homes. It can appear in the form of pictures be it video, magazines or visitors. Mom, as the queen of your home you have the right to ask your guests to dress modestly. One time when I had people coming over I called and asked a pregnant lady to please dress modestly (she had nice maternity clothes) - she was wearing skin tight tops that delineated her swollen belly immodestly. She agreed but then called back telling me she dresses like her husband wants her to. Oh.Oh... They did not show up. Fine.

It is a tragedy when husband and wife do not agree on this issue or when the husband desires his wife to dress seductively. I know of one husband who said how he wishes his wife to dress such that other men will want her. Their two daughters grew up marrying many times....

It is unfortunate that a parent cannot shield their children from the vile immorality as expressed in the undressing of bodies out there. But one can limit the places you go to - even if it is to church - where one is likely to see this state of undress. It may mean one limits shopping at Wal-Mart or shopping at all - especially when these people are more likely to be up and about.

God bless you, mom (and dad). You have a hard row to hoe. You are facing issues that were not discussed in depth when I was a young mom - they were swept under the carpet or people used euphemisms to describe what was going on and not everybody had a clue what was meant and that included me. I was so ignorant - Lord, have mercy!

Take care, Mom. Just allow the LORD to teach you how you need to deal with this issue in your home and He will - I know he will because He cares about you.

Precursor to Sexual Abuse

Yesterday after I posted I felt as though I have said everything about homemaking, child-rearing that was on my heart and what the LORD would have me to say. I felt completely cleaned out - nothing more to say. I asked the LORD all day is there anything else? Anything? Then He reminded me.... Then, I was at a loss on how to title this subject until this morning it came to me.

Precursor to Sexual Abuse - hmmm....what on earth are you talking about? I am talking about behaviors that lead to sexual abuse - not quite abuse but almost. Or, maybe it is. I will let you decide. Let me illustrate my points by telling you a few stories.

Many years ago a young mother - younger then me - told me how mom (in hindsight I wonder if she meant her mom or her mother-in-law) told her how one can hush a male baby: just massage his genitalia. Oh, really?! Never heard of that before. And coming from an older mother to a young woman! I was really ignorant! Shock followed. In time to come I was appalled. Who was I? a young mother to contradict an older woman?! Since then I have mentioned this to another mother and her reactions mirrored mine.

I honestly do not know what effect this massaging will have on a boy in the long run. I am sure these moms did not mean to be sexually abusing their boys - all they wanted to do was hush a fussy baby. But it does not sit right in my spirit. So, I am issuing a warning here, Mom: if something does not resonate as proper, DON'T do it!

Some years ago I heard of a mother who was allowing her oldest son bathe his younger sister. They had three children at this point and like most families with multiple children, they are told to help each other with bathing(sometimes), diapering - if a baby, dressing. This is normal. But a boy 7/8 years older then a sister - bathing her? STOP! Let us think about this a minute.

Boys are naturally curious about girls; girls a tad bit less then boys, I suspect. But telling a 11 year boy to bath his sister is inviting undue exploration and experimentation which is EXACTLY what happened and the MOM was MAD! and embarrassed. Seems to me she was confronted about it before it happened but you know...she knew better then other people, or so she thought....SIGH. Yes, this boy molested his sister - not sure if he was over 18 at this point but I think he was.

My points:

1. No undue handling of genitalia in a child.

2. Do not ever allow a male child bathe a female sibling or any other female.

3. And be careful about mixed bathing (swimming)...remember Leviticus 18 about exposing the nakedness of a female relative? It is a no-no.

Understand what I am talking about? The devil is working to undermine our teaching in the home with the hope the children will choose to follow the LORD when the time comes. We also want to protect them from evils out there that are lurking to ensnare them that will have an impact for a long time. Since this is the case, be careful, Mom...Be very careful. I suspect it is right near impossible to teach a young mother all the things one should do and not do, but you can depend on the Holy Spirit to warn you in your spirit. You may not understand the cautions you sense but that is OK - just follow it.

God bless.