Diminutives
A humorous story about a New Englander’s unusual request on a train at midnight.
Some years ago, when the bedding was not supposed to be as fat as it ought to be, and the pillows were accused of being constructed upon the homeopathic principle, a New Englander got on a railroad car one night. Now, it is a remarkable fact that a New Englander never goes to sleep in one of these cars. He lies awake all night, thinking how he can improve upon every device and patent in sight. He poked his head out of the upper berth at midnight, hailed a porter and said, “Say, have you got such a thing as a corkscrew about you?” “We don’t ’low no drinkin’ sperits aboa’d these yer cars, sah,” was the reply. “’Tain’t that,” said the Yankee, “but I want to get hold on to one of your pillows that has kind of worked its way into my ear.”
— HORACE PORTER