Conflict Resolution

Let's open our Bibles again to Matthew chapter 5. I'll be reading from the New King James Version, Matthew chapter 5, and we'll read in verse 9. I want to speak a little bit this afternoon on reconciliation or conflict resolution. We've heard this morning from our brother Scott, reconciliation between God, the Savior, and the sinner. He gave himself a ransom for all.

But I'm thinking now of reconciliation between individuals. And I'm thinking more so of reconciliation between Christians. So bearing that in mind, let's read verse 9 again.

Matthew chapter 5 and verse 9. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. We've already heard a little bit here about the peacemakers. Let's turn to Romans chapter 12.

Romans chapter 12 and verse 16. Paul writes, be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble.

Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.

Verse 18. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Turn over to Romans chapter 14.

Romans chapter 14 and verse 18. Again, the words of the Apostle Paul. Verse 18.

For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men. Therefore, let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. That's all we're going to read.

And we trust that God will give help as we consider these passages together. Again, I'm thinking a little bit about conflict resolution or reconciliation. In Matthew chapter 5 and verse 9, we read about the peacemaker.

In Romans chapter 12, we have the idea of promoting peace. And in Romans chapter 14, we have the idea of pursuing peace. I believe here in Matthew chapter 5 and verse 9 that there's a difference between a peacekeeper and a peacemaker.

When it comes to peace, it speaks of harmony, unity, and getting along, freedom from disturbance. But what is that difference between a peacekeeper and a peacemaker? Well, a peacekeeper will compromise truth for the sake of peace. We've all heard it before.

Just keep the peace. And yet, when it comes to a peacemaker, that's what we have here. A peacemaker promotes peace on the basis or the grounds of truth.

What a difference. And that truth is the word of God. Blessed is the peacemaker.

Now, of course, the opposite of peace is conflict. And when it comes to conflict, it's the idea of not getting along. There's a disagreement between two individuals.

And each and every one of us here today, we've all faced conflict at one time or another. And if you haven't faced conflict as of yet, here's the bad news. You will.

It's a reality. But the question is, how do we face conflict? Again, conflict is a reality. It's because of the flesh.

We've been hearing about the flesh today. We've been hearing about that sinful nature. We can expect conflict.

I don't know you and you don't know me, but I do know this, that we have different backgrounds. There's oftentimes different belief systems and mindsets. And these things at one time or another are going to promote, as it were, conflict.

Bring about conflict in our lives. You know, when I think about conflict, it can be difficult. But I've also learned this, in my Christian experiences, that you and I, we can grow.

We can grow as believers in the times of conflict. And so you might be surprised at this today. Sometimes conflict is a good thing.

But again, conflict is a reality. Let me give you a few examples. We've already heard some from our brother Larry.

Conflict in the home. There can be conflict between a husband and a wife. Between children, between siblings.

Conflict in the home. It happens from time to time. Conflict in the workplace.

I hear this all the time. Of Christians, you know, when they're in the workplace and it's difficult. And there's conflict.

And they get up in the morning and they don't even want to go to work. Why? Conflict. And then there's conflict in the assembly.

I know that's true. It doesn't seem like we can get around it. There's conflict between Christians at times.

Again, what I want to emphasize is that when it comes to conflict, it's a reality. It's going to happen. And again, why does conflict happen? Well, a few more examples.

We've been hearing about personality conflicts. Not everybody is the same. You know, God didn't make us the same.

We're not meant to be the same. And a lot of times I hear, well, you know, there's a problem between this Christian and that Christian. Or this person and that person.

And it all boils down to personality. That's no excuse for many of the disagreements that we have. And they go on and on and on.

You know what personality differences do? They really expose our own character flaws. That's really what happens in the time of conflict. My character flaws are exposed.

Because I don't respond properly. I react. And we're going to look at that in a moment.

But there's times of conflict because of personalities. There's conflict because of beliefs. Certain doctrines.

Romans chapter 14. Doubtful disputations. Things of secondary importance.

And then convictions. And convictions are good. And we need to get our convictions from the word of God.

But we need to realize that there are personal convictions that differ at times. Belief conflicts. Behavioral conflicts.

I was thinking about, you know, sometimes they can do this but we can't. I remember growing up in a home. Very religious home.

And we were not allowed to ride our bikes on Sunday. That was the rule. You're not allowed to ride your bike on Sunday.

But, you know, there was other families in the church that we would go visit on a Sunday evening. That's what we did a lot of times. We would visit different families from the church.

And I can remember going over to some families. And they were allowed to ride their bikes on Sunday. I loved to go there.

And it wouldn't take long. I'd get out of the car and we'd jump on the bikes. And we would bike all over the place.

And then after our visit in that home, I can remember saying to my dad, Dad, why is it that we're not allowed to ride bikes on Sunday but they can ride bikes on Sunday? My dad was not a saved man but he was wise. And this is what he said. He says, these are the rules in our house.

And those are the rules in their house. And he never condemned them. Even though the rules were different.

Behavioral conflicts. And then, of course, communication conflicts. We hear it all the time.

He said this. She said that. You weren't listening, were you? You weren't listening to me.

Well, you never told me. You never told me. And the list can go on and on and on.

And a lot of times when it comes to conflict, it's because a lack of communication. That's one of the biggest problems that we have amongst us. We don't talk.

And when we do talk, we don't listen. And what does it do? It creates conflict. Communication conflicts.

Now, when we come back to Romans chapter 12 and 14. Again, it's in these situations that Paul tells us that we are to promote and we are to pursue peace with one another. You know, in the time of conflict, we're never given the right or the liberty to be judgmental.

I think one of our biggest problems today is we're judgmental. And we're quick to judge. And we're critical.

We always have the reasons as to why this is and that isn't. And we're so argumentative in the times of conflict. And not only that, the majority of the time, in the time of conflict, we're just downright rude.

Rude to one another. That's the opposite of what Paul is teaching us in these two passages, Romans chapter 12 and Romans chapter 14. He says, no, as Christians now, there needs to be a proper attitude, a proper mindset when it comes to dealing with conflict.

He says you need to live peaceably with all men. You need to pursue the things that make for peace and the things by which one may edify or build up. Weren't we hearing that this morning? Building up one another.

And we're called upon to do that in the time of conflict. There's four R's that I want to leave with you today in relation to conflict and peace. The first thing is our individual responsibility to promote and pursue peace with one another.

We have a responsibility. The second thing I want you to notice with me is because of our relationship to that person. We should be seeking peace.

Relationship is important. The third thing we're going to notice is how we should respond to conflict when it happens. There's a difference between reacting and responding.

And then the fourth thing we're going to notice very quickly is the result when promoting and pursuing peace. Now the first thing I want us to appreciate is our individual responsibility to promote and pursue peace with one another. That's what we have in both Romans chapter 12 and Romans chapter 14.

It's our responsibility. Paul says as much as depends on you. Not the other person.

As much as depends upon you. Again Romans chapter 14. Therefore let us.

I take it here that Paul is giving this as a way of a command. Of course it involves the will. And it's to each and every one of us.

We have a responsibility. When it comes to conflict and resolving conflict. And of course we have to have the right attitude.

We've been hearing that already. When it comes to Matthew chapter 5 and the Beatitudes. Of course we need to have a right attitude in it all.

We need to have a. It has to be done out of a pure heart. As we seek to resolve conflict it has to be in love. And of course it has to be done with patience.

And a heart of forgiveness. So often we are an unforgiving people. I want to tell you we've been forgiven so much.

Can't we forgive one another? We have a responsibility. Second I want you to appreciate with me. The relationship that we have to that person.

And it's because of that relationship now. We should seek peace. You know when it comes to pursuing peace.

And living peaceably with others. Is it so we can just enjoy life? I want to tell you there's benefits and there's blessing. To living peaceably with one another.

But ultimately the reason why I want to resolve conflict. And I want us to get this. And I'm looking at some of the younger ones here today.

Thank God for you because you need to learn this when you're young. Because when we're older we don't get it. It's because of my relationship with that person now.

That I'm going to seek to resolve the conflict. Because I belong to Christ. And I'm thinking about us as Christians now.

Not only do I belong to Christ. But that individual that I'm having conflict with. That individual belongs to Christ.

And it's because of relationship. And it's because of the value that I place on that relationship. That's going to cause me now to want to resolve the conflict.

Again I'm going to give you some examples. When it comes to promoting peace. And living peaceably with all men.

In relation to relationships. Again I'm thinking about a husband and wife relationship. We've been talking about Satan.

And he's a deceiver. And he wants to destroy not only relationships. But he wants to destroy the marriage relationship.

And I want to tell you today that Christian marriages are in trouble. We don't want to hear it. But it's true.

Conflict comes into the home for whatever reason between a husband and a wife. And that conflict is not being resolved. But it should be.

Why? Because you love your wife. And as a wife you love your husband. And you want to resolve the conflict.

Why? The relationship between you and that individual. We've been hearing about children. And as our children get older they're going to form their own opinions.

And they're going to make their own decisions. And yes they don't always line up with what I think or what I would like them to do. And yet they're adults.

And we have to treat them like that. And sometimes you know there's a conflict between a parent and a child. And you want to resolve that conflict.

Because a parent. I love my children. And I would hope that as a child you would say I love my parents.

I want to resolve that conflict. Because of the relationship that you have with that individual. What about friends? I've heard it said so many times.

You know I was friends with that individual for 25, 30 years. But I'm not a friend anymore. Why? Conflict.

Do you value the friendship? Do you value the person that you've been a friend with for so many years? What about fellow laborers or co-workers? I've already mentioned. You know I know some people they get up in the morning and they hate their job. They don't want to go there but they have to.

Because they need that check to pay for the bills. I understand it. But when it comes to fellow workers.

When it comes to those that we work with. Do we value that person? Do we want to work with that person? Do we want to have a relationship with that person? That's going to make all the difference. As to whether or not you're going to resolve the conflict.

It's the relationship. And then. It comes down to a gathering like this.

Christians. In local assemblies from different assemblies. You know what's so sad? That we can break bread together.

And we can take a piece from the same loaf. And we can drink from the same cup. But we cannot shake one another's hand.

There's no glory in that. To God. Do you value the relationship? Do you value the person? You know it's always.

It's been said a number of times. You might not always see Christ in your brother or your sister. But you always need to see your brother and sister in Christ.

This is really the burden of my heart. This is really the burden of my soul today. Is this idea of conflict.

Coming to the lives of Christians. Whether young or old. And it's not being resolved.

And it goes on and on and on. It all boils down to this. The value.

That you put on the person. And the value that you put on that relationship. That's going to make all the difference.

As to whether or not. You're going to seek to resolve the conflict. I want to come to my third point now.

And I want you to think of the response. How should we respond to conflict when it happens? Now there's a difference between reacting and responding. You know when it comes to a reaction.

It's something that we do without even thinking about it. You know I go to the doctor's office. And I go for a physical.

And he has me sitting on the bed there. And he takes that little hammer out you know. And he gives my knee a little tap.

Boom. I didn't even think about it. What was I doing? I was reacting.

And there's a lot of times when we enter into conflict. And we react. We don't think about what we're going to say.

We don't think about what we're going to do. We just go ahead and do it. We react.

But then there's a response. You know response is the ideas. I'm going to put thought into it.

I'm going to choose my words carefully. I'm going to be careful what I do. Because I don't want to make this situation worse than it already is.

There's a big difference between reaction and response. Again you come to Romans 12 verse 19. Paul says, Do not avenge yourselves.

Instead leave room for his or God's wrath. You know as I was thinking of that. I was thinking of again in the time of conflict.

We can either have a negative response or a positive response. You know there's two negative responses that I was thinking about. One of the first responses or negative responses is the response of retaliation.

You know we do that sometimes. We think well you know she said this to me. So I'm going to say something that's going to hurt her and she's going to remember it.

That's retaliation. Or we might think to ourselves well you know he did this to me. I'm going to do something far worse to him.

That's retaliation. And that's not the right response. It's only going to make things worse.

But you know there's another negative response. And you can do nothing. Oh I thought the Christian thing to do is just kind of be a doormat and just take it.

And let it continue and go on and on and on for years. Well you know what happens? You just simply bottle it up inside. And that's really a fake peace.

And that's a fake humility. When we do nothing in the times of conflict. And just think well I'm going to take it.

I'm going to be a good Christian now. And I'm just simply going to take it. You know what's really happening inside? You're building up resentment.

And there's anger. And there's hostility. And what's creating within you is like a volcano.

And it's going to explode at any time. And I've done that. That's not a right response.

To retaliate, that's not a right response. To do nothing, that's not a right response. But then there are some positive responses that I want us to appreciate today.

Too negative, you can retaliate or you can do nothing. Or you can do what the scripture says. You can do things which promote peace.

Or you can pursue peace with that individual you're having a disagreement with. You don't see eye to eye. It hasn't been resolved.

But there's a right response. And it's a progressive response. The first thing is you can pray about it.

You can pray about the situation. James chapter 1 says ask God for wisdom and discernment and he'll give it to you. Do you pray about it? God, give me the right words, give me the right attitude.

Help resolve this conflict with this brother or with this sister, whatever the case may be. And along with prayer, you need to examine yourself, self-judgment. You got to take the beam out of your own eyes so you can see clearly.

To take the speck out of your brother's eye. My wife and I, we were talking a little bit about this on the way up. And she said, you know, we all have beams in our eyes.

It's true. And dear brother, if you don't think you have a beam. And dear sister, if you don't think you have a beam.

Guess what, that proves to me you have a beam. What's the positive response? Pray about it. And then you can go to the person and you can talk about it.

We see that in Matthew chapter 5. And again, Matthew chapter 18, when it comes to the one being offended or the one doing the offending. Whatever the case may be, what does the Bible say? The Bible says go! Dear Alex Stryborough, some here will remember him. He says if the offended party and the one who's done the offending.

Whether it's Matthew chapter 5 or Matthew chapter 18. If they both would have this attitude, they'd meet in the middle. Kind of like that.

But the Bible makes it very clear that we need to go. We're not to go aggressively. We're not to go with an agenda.

But we are to go to the individual with a desire to be better informed. To be better informed in order to resolve the conflict. This is what we're aiming for.

And can I say this just now? Because I want this to highlight my message. This is what God wants. This is what God wants.

In the time of conflict between a brother and a brother, a sister and a sister. Whatever the case may be. That it be resolved for the glory.

When you go to the person, you need to listen. You know, this is the hardest thing for most of us. I like to do a lot of talking.

But you know what I have to learn? I have to learn to listen. And so when you go to the individual, you need to listen to him. You need to hear them out.

And please don't listen. So you can use their words to turn them and twist them. And throw them back in their face.

I've had that done to me. The very things that came out of my mouth. With a genuine heart.

That individual took those words. Twisted them and turned them. And just, boom! Right back in my face.

That's not listening. When you go to the individual. Not only are you to go there to inquire and to be informed.

Not are you only to listen to the other person. But you yourself, you need to be honest, open, and genuine. You need to go with a desire to really understand the situation better.

Be transparent. Don't be a hypocrite. Sometimes, you know, we sit there and we listen.

And we have a little smile on our face. We're not transparent. No, we're playing the role of a hypocrite.

And just like there's a little bit of a Pharisee in each and every one of us. There's a little bit of hypocrite in each and every one of us. No, you need to be genuine.

You need to be transparent. Why? Because you value the person that you're listening to. You value the relationship of the one that you're staring at.

Looking into their eyes. And you want the conflict to be resolved. For the glory of God.

Not only are we to be honest, open, and genuine. But we are to make necessary changes in order to resolve the conflict. What's the real root of the cause? What is the real issue here? You know, a lot of times, when we talk about things.

And, well, you did this and you did that. That's not the real issue. The real issue is back here.

So you need to find out what is the real issue. And then you need to try to avoid the same thing from happening again. Maybe you're going to have to take a different approach.

Have you ever tried that? Maybe just take a different approach. We all have habits and mindsets that need to be broken and changed. We need to be changed.

And we might be conformed to the image of God's Son. And as I sit there before that individual. And as I'm listening.

And as I'm being honest. As I'm being transparent with that individual. I want to know what the real issue is.

I'm willing to make changes. And I'm even willing to admit I was wrong. I'm not going to ask you to do it.

But, you know, I'd love everyone here today just to say with me. I was wrong. Why don't you go home? And go to the bathroom all by yourself.

Standing in front of the mirror. And say to yourself as you're looking in the mirror. I was wrong.

We got to learn to say that. I was wrong. And I'm willing to work on whatever it is.

That's going to pursue peace. And make for peace in this situation. When it comes to this conflict.

That this conflict might be resolved. Again, for the glory of God. But you have to be willing.

Willing to do that. You know, the fourth thing I want you to notice is the result. The result when promoting and pursuing peace.

You know, the ultimate desire and outcome is to resolve the conflict. To restore the relationship. Reconciliation.

That's the goal. This is what Paul is saying when he talks about living peaceably. Pursuing peace.

Reconciliation now. When conflict comes into our lives. You know, it's a wonderful thing when both parties have that same attitude.

When one party realizes maybe I've done this. And the other party says I've done that. And they come together.

And they both have that desire to reconcile. To resolve the conflict. And together they're going to say I'm sorry.

Maybe I did that was wrong. Or maybe that was wrong. And that relationship is going to be restored.

Isn't that a wonderful thing when that happens? I have written in my notes here. Praise the Lord. Hallelujah.

But the sad result. The sad truth of it all today is simply this. That is not always how it happens.

See, there has to be two willing parties. It takes two parties when it comes to the conflict. And it takes two parties when it comes to resolving the conflict.

It's not enough for one to want to resolve the conflict. And not the other party. No, both parties need to come together.

In order for the conflict to be resolved. So maybe today you have found yourself in a conflict. And you're willing to resolve the conflict.

But the other individual isn't willing to resolve the conflict. What do you do? Well, I'm going to say it this way. That if you've tried and done all you can.

And all that you should. To resolve the conflict with that other individual. And the great burden in my heart today as Christians.

Just one Christian with another Christian. If you have done everything that you could. I believe you're released.

I believe you're no longer responsible for that conflict going on and on and on. Because you've tried. You've done everything that you can and should do.

According to the word of God. And now that responsibility lies upon that person. The other person.

See, you're not responsible for their actions. You're responsible for your actions. And again, that's why Paul says as much as depends upon you.

Not as much as depends upon the other person. But depends upon you. And so if you've done all you could.

You're no longer responsible. When it comes to the conflict. But you still need to be kind.

You still need to be considerate. Remember, you're a Christian. That doesn't change.

You're always a Christian. You need to leave it with the Lord. And you need to allow God to work in his life.

That's again what we've read there in Romans 12 and 14. And perhaps you're going to have to wait for an opportunity down the road. If the Lord opens the door to resolve that conflict.

Because you value the person. You value the relationship. And so you always need to have that heart of reconciliation.

As I close today. I want to challenge you with this. You've been listening to me.

Speak on conflict. And conflict resolution. And as you sit in your seat just now.

You're thinking of a situation. That you find yourself in. Just right now.

You know that there's an individual that you're not getting along with. There's another Christian that you've had a disagreement with. And there's a conflict.

And that conflict has never been resolved. And as you sit in your seat right now. You're wondering.

Have I done everything I can to resolve the conflict? Have I handled it in the right way? Because you want to resolve the conflict. You want to be able to shake that brother's hand after tomorrow morning's meeting. You want to have a relationship with them.

Because you value them in Christ. And so as you sit in your seat just right now. You're wondering.

Did I do everything I could? Well if you're asking that question right now. Could I encourage you? Just one more time. Pray about it.

Go to the individual and listen. Be transparent and genuine. Try to learn what is the real issue here.

And then seek forgiveness. If you're wrong, just admit it. That that relationship, that conflict will be resolved.

The relationship will be restored. Do it with a humble heart. Do it with the right attitude.

And I've emphasized this a number of times already. It's because you value the relationship. You value the person.

But I just want to close with this. Do it for the glory of God.