Confessions of a Lost Church Member

Like most folks of my generation, of good church people, under the sound of an only-believed gospel, there was a time in my life, friends, where I responded to an evangelist's emotional appeal and I walked an aisle and repeated a prayer to accept Jesus. That was the foundation stone I could always point back to and tell others about the time I became a Christian. But for many years, I lived and breathed upon that faulty foundation of an empty religious profession.

I was sincere. I even shed a tear or two, but I wasn't saved. Satan still had me in his clutches, and it didn't take much for me to run smack dab into sin.

And there I would wallow like a pig in his mire until I felt dirty enough to confess to God what I did once again, always claiming 1 John 1.9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. But although that verse is true, it applies only to regenerate individuals. My trouble was I kept sinning and sinning and confessing and confessing because I had no power from above to break off from my darling sins through true biblical repentance.

But I was always at church every time the doors were open. I gave my money generously. I gave my time and service dutifully.

For 15 years, I was the Sunday school teacher in a big Baptist church over a class of 100 members. And I knew my Bible, and I could teach it, but I did not know God, nor had I ever gotten savingly to Jesus. This easy stuff we call salvation today, from a diluted gospel, can't save a flea, much less an old sinner like me.

Or modern evangelism, birthed out of crusades and football stadiums, brought in the way of salvation in ways Jesus never did. I did what the preacher told me to do in response to an invitation, and I was told I was now saved. Vance Havner once said, I could have led more people to the Lord had they not already joined the church.

And that's what happened to me. I was a lost church member traveling a religious road to hell, just like most other folks in this day in our churches of great spiritual declension. Jesus said, Strive to enter in at the straight gate, for many I say unto you will seek to enter in, and shall not be able.

I never forget the day God got me lost. I was home alone, for my family was away on vacation. That particular afternoon I was in my study, reading a book of sermons by the Puritan divine Solomon Stoddard.

Stoddard was Jonathan Edwards' grandfather. And as I read that sermon, which was entitled, The Way to Know Sincerity and Hypocrisy, cleared up. And as I read the Old Gospel for the first time, the Spirit of God attended it.

And for the first time in my life, I came under Holy Spirit conviction. And I saw Jesus leap out of my Bible as a real living Lord. And what he was demanding of me, I could not give him.

He wanted repentance and obedience, and I didn't have it. I went from conviction of sin to compunction of heart, as I felt the great weight of my sins stacked up against me as the law was condemning me and showing me my ruined and guilty and helpless condition. All of my religious props were kicked out from beneath me that day, but I fought it because I would not believe I was really lost.

I had been a Christian for too long. I had served in church for too long. I had a good reputation for being a Christian for too long.

To throw it all away now on a gamble was insanity, I thought. For several hours on the floor of my study, I argued with God on all fours, pounding the carpet with my fist and yelling, I can't be lost. I can't be lost.

There I escaped to my false refuges of a long track record of service and a good opinion of myself. And it was there I barricaded myself in from the frontal assault of God's spirit and conviction as I resisted and stifled that searching spotlight of conviction on my heart that all was not well with my soul. But my efforts to hold out were futile at best, for my cry of, I can't be lost, I can't be lost, became, I am lost, I am lost, as I agreed with God and saw my sins rising up before me like Samuel before Saul, accusing me and condemning me to where I saw I was a lost man on a religious road to hell.

And not only that, but I deserved to go there, that God was good, and just to send this guilty rebel to hell. I became a seeker that day, as all my strength and inner fortitude was employed with one object to strive to enter in. And strive I did, for another hour, wrestling with God with all my might to let me in, entailing utter exhaustion.

My cry from, I'm lost, I'm lost, became a sigh of, I'm saved, I'm saved, bless God, I'm saved. As the Lord's life was laid down and his merits applied to me, I was in a happy union with a living Lord. I had a new disposition for holiness implanted in me, and I rejoiced in his Lordship, as I threw down every single weapon of rebellion at his nail-pierced feet.

Well, I didn't tell my wife for almost a month, because I was afraid to confess to her that she didn't marry a Christian man. After all, I was embarrassed, and I didn't know how to tell her. And this went on for almost four weeks, until one morning, while we were standing in the kitchen one day, I turned to her and said, Honey, I've got something important to say to you, and I need your full attention.

She looked at me intently, as I related to her the following confession. I said, When you were away, God saved me. He really saved me.

Then I shut up. She looked at me and replied, I believe you. Since I've been back, I've noticed a change in you.

That's what salvation is, friends. It's a changed life. When Jesus was here, in his earthly ministry, as he passed through towns and villages, all who encountered him experienced change.

Let me ask you, friend, have you ever been lost? Jesus said, The Son of Man is come to seek and to save that which was lost. A truly saved individual has been born from above, and washed in the blood, and is a new creation. Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature.

Old things are passed away. Behold, all things are become new.