Family Clinic 1

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Telephone numbers 0703 03636 59 0703 76811 98 Email address lsmediaatlivingseed.org or visit our website at www.livingseed.org Let us sit back and listen as the servant of God brings forth the word of life. Father, we thank you for giving us this opportunity to sit together in your presence to examine the issue of our marriage. Thank you for creating marriage in the first place.

Thank you for the purpose that you have concerning our homes. We ask that as we sit at your feet, you will speak to our lives and to our relationships and you will teach us your ways about it in the name of Jesus Christ. We ask Lord that as your word comes to us, you will give us understanding.

Grant unto us an understanding heart. That Lord, our hearts will be molded by your word. And wherever there is need, you will change us in the name of Jesus Christ.

Lord, we know that there is no unchangeable man. There is only an unchangeable God. We pray, Father, that where there is need for change, none of us will be too hard.

None of us will have a hard heart, unable to change in the name of Jesus Christ. We pray that your hand will rest upon us and you will guide us in our discussions. Let your spirit guide us, grant us wisdom.

Help us with the help of the Holy Spirit. That what you have proposed to do with us, you will accomplish it. And by our homes, disciples will multiply in your church in the name of Jesus Christ.

Thank you, Father, for hearing us. In Jesus' name, we have prayed. Amen.

Thank you. As our coordinator had already announced, our thematic focus for the family clinic this year is Marita Bondi. And togetherness for raising disciples.

Marita Bondi. And you will see that the way the theme had been structured, it gives us three dimensions or three issues that we want to be talking about. The first is Marita Bondi.

The Bondi between a man and his wife. Bondi. And then we are now going to look at togetherness in serving God.

Togetherness. Working together to fulfill our mandate for raising disciples. And then the third issue was now Bondi and togetherness for raising men, for raising disciples.

The pastoring work and all the various things that God had been challenging us with. How do we do it together so that we can get the benefit? But just like the theme is arranged, we felt that bonding comes first. Raising disciples does not come first where a man and his wife has not bonded.

In fact, if you bring disciples, they will cause problems. Isn't it? Bonding. But you know, when we have discussed as much as we can today on the matter of bonding, together with your husband and your wife, we will now look at how these people that are bonded can together work and labor together and share ministry together and advance the purpose of God together until we can see disciples raised and multiply under our hands.

And maybe for me to bring a general introduction before we start raising the issues, I'd like to highlight different aspects of what we will be discussing in the matter of bonding. And we will lead the general foundation again of the fact that marriage itself is actually a binding, a joining, a marrying or a merging together of two persons to become what? One flesh. We are going to be looking at that from the scripture.

And so, the bonding that we are going to be discussing today will be the deliberate process. A deliberate process that as a husband and as a wife we need to embark upon until we become one in every way. Deliberate process for joining, for binding, for cleaving and for forming a strong bond on several areas of our lives as husband and wife.

So we will be looking at the bonding of our lives and our destinies together. How do we bond our lives, our destiny in such a way that sincerely speaking we are no more two but one flesh. How do we bond our spirits, our mind, even our physical body together to such a point that you just know that we have become inseparably one by the grace of God.

The bonding of our hearts. The bonding of our call. You know we have seen situations where the husband believes that this is my call.

But the wife also has a very strong conviction that there is something God wants her to do. Now, do they have a parallel ministry? Does the husband keep running on one side and the wife is doing her own? How do they bond their calls? Such a good man and a woman have a sense of fulfillment to the point that what God has said about me is being fulfilled even as I am married. How do we bond the promises of God on our lives together? For example, as a man there are certain things God told you before your wife came.

How do we walk in such a way that your wife can carry it and it will become her own pursuit as well? These are issues we thought we should look at very deliberately in the course of our clinic this time. How do we bond our bodies and our aspirations together? How do we bond our visions and the purposes and the pursuits that God has laid on our lives? How do we bond it together? How do we bond our understanding? You know sometimes you have stayed with a wife for almost 10 years and you keep saying, my wife doesn't understand me. Or every time you are talking, you say, you don't understand, you don't understand.

I wish you can understand. After 10 years of living together, she still doesn't understand. And sometimes we mistakenly have some brothers that we call our prayer partners who understood what God has called me to do.

But the woman that you married is not your prayer partner. How do we make sure that in every aspect we bond our lives together so that even the understanding is bonded together? So that when you are ministering, your wife already has an understanding of where we are going and what you are about to say. And if you finish your message and you have not landed well, she can come and complete it for you.

She can come and tie it together. Because she knows that this is what my husband is saying, this is the body that God has put in his heart. Can we have a matrimony that we become so much bonded and joined together that we are one? And so that our ministry can begin to have that blessedness of the two that are better than one.

How do we undo the bonding of our spending together? How do we bond together in spending and in finances? What would be the deliberate way to come to a point where money does not separate us? And that openness that even if whatever you earn, your husband knows about it and you are not afraid. If he knows now, there are many husbands that say, if my wife knows what came in, she will just bring a list and finish it. So I don't tell her, I just give her what I think she can spend.

I am thinking of how to plan for the future. And unfortunately, unfortunately, some wives I say, I know my husband. If I tell him that we have money, that's how he will say, oh yeah, bring it.

So sometimes you go to market in the name of buying things, but you are keeping some money. Sometimes I am keeping it because the rainy day may come. So these are issues that we want to look at in terms of bonding.

And how do we bond sexually? Again, because by the grace of God, many of our marriages are in their growing years. And we need to discuss the bonding that sexual conjugal relationship in marriage ought to bring to us. You can see that the matter of bonding is a very serious matter.

So I am going to introduce it by reading the passages that we have always read. And we will read it the way we will read it again. Let's read the Matthew 19 this time.

Matthew 19, are you there? We will read verse 4. Yes, let's read from verse 4, verse 5, and verse 6. He said, Esther Gerter, can you read it? Matthew 19, verse 4 to 6. And he answered and said to them, have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So then there are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. Now I hope you know that this passage was quoted, Jesus was referring to it from the book of Genesis chapter 2, isn't it? Alright, that's why he said, he that made them in the beginning, made them male and female, and said, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and the two shall become one flesh? Therefore there are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.

Therefore put asunder. So this basic passage, these three verses or so, together with all the passages that we will be referring to, they give us the first biblical basis for the issue of bonding that we need to be discussing. If I should start it before I ask Sister Ashade to make an input into the definition and the goal of every marriage, I'm really wishing that I could tell you that the matter of bonding to become one flesh is actually the goal of marriage.

And until it has happened, what God is looking for in our marriage has not happened. He said, have you not read that he which made them at the beginning, made them how? Male and female. So let's first note that the becoming one flesh that we are going to be seeing here is not because they are same.

It's not because they are equal. It's not because they are a duplicate. He who made them at the beginning, how did he make them? Male and female.

That also goes to quickly explain that every other kind of marriage that people are talking about now is not biblical. We have to be bold about it. The lesbians, girls marrying girls, or the gay men marrying men, that's not how he made them at the beginning.

It's a pity that some people are giving excuses. Maybe some women that have become very frustrated because of their upbringing or because they grew up in marriages that failed, their own parents' marriage didn't work, and they saw bitterness. Some women like that, they grew up to hate men.

And yet they want to enjoy sexual relationship. So they thought it is safe to get another woman and begin to act as if that one is a man and you are a woman. It is confusion.

He who made them at the beginning, how did he make them? Male and female. Some men are imagining that the palaver of going up and down with women is too much. Let them get another male and bind their souls together and do as if they can bond.

And so they are going about as if they are married couples. Of course we have seen that confusion all over. And it is part of what the end times says to us.

The Bible already spoke about this kind of sexual perversion that will happen. So let us quickly note that as far as God is concerned, bonding that we are talking about here is between who? Male and female that are married. And that it is actually what God wanted.

The people that came to ask a question here, they were asking, is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for any cause? And Jesus Christ, rather than say yes or no, he went ahead and raised a bigger issue. He said, have you not read? That he who made them at the beginning, made them male and female. And said that God, when he made them, he said, he said, for this cause, for this cause, shall a man leave father and mother and shall do what? Cleave to his wife.

And they two shall be what? Shall become one flesh. So you see the word bonding that I am trying to bring about here is coming from the word cleaving. Cleaving.

Gluing together. But the word bonding has become very strong in my mind. Because you see, whether you take it scientifically in chemistry and you decide to study molecular bonding.

Or you take it from the electronics and you see when they are bonding some particular circuits together. Or you go to the welders, when they are welding until something becomes inseparably one. This process is what I see God saying, for this cause, a man, a husband, shall do what? Shall leave his father and mother and do what? And cleave and bond with his wife.

He will cleave to his wife and they two shall become what? One. One flesh. So, and as if to make that emphasis, say, wherefore there are no more, how many? Two.

But one flesh. Which means God is looking forward to a time when you will no more be two. When you will no more be two in thinking, in opinion, in outlook, in understanding, in spending, in everything.

When there will no longer be two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together. Let not man do what? Put it asunder.

Other version says, let no man separate. So, let me ask Sister Sade to now bring an input. Because we want to start looking at this goal of marriage.

To become one. The bonding that God is looking for. So, she is going to come on with us now.

And we start raising the issues one by one. And then we will be taking input as our coordinators will be guiding us. Yes, ma'am.

Right from the beginning that Jesus Christ referred to. The beginning of marriage is found in Genesis chapter 2. As we all know. We saw how God made the woman by taking a rib from the man and used it to make the woman.

And the first thing I want to say about that is this male and female that he talked about. What God took from the man is what he used to make the woman. And having taken it from the man, it is not in the man again.

That is why the man is different from the woman. It is no longer in the man. It is in the woman.

So, the man cannot behave like the woman. And the woman that has that one rib does not have the remaining bones that are in the man. She does not have it.

That is why she cannot also behave like the man. And that is what makes the difference. And these two, though they are different, when the rib comes together with the bones, bone to bone, the two are expected to be one flesh.

So, he said, therefore, in Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. In the first place, they are from the same bones and flesh.

God only took one bone out and of course from Proverbs chapter 18 verse 22, he said, He who finds a wife finds a good thing and has obtained favor from the Lord. That rib, God has added favor. He has added many other things that would be useful for the man.

He added it to that rib. And she became a woman and he brought her to the man. And for this reason, because of the fundamental structure of the man that is in the woman.

Because something internal, something structural, something that the man cannot do without. Part of him, part of his future, part of his calling, part of his destiny has been located in the woman. The right thing is for this man to live if he wants to be whole.

Otherwise, he will lose something internal. He will lose something structural. So becoming one is sensible.

Not even to talk about spiritual. It's just the right thing because there is something that is not in you. Which God has taken away and he has located it in your wife.

If you want that thing and you want to be whole. You want to be wholesome even in ministry. Your message to be complete and whole.

Then the important thing to do is to cleave to this woman. So that she can contribute that bone back into your life and you will become one. It is that kind of ministry, that kind of life that will be wholesome.

Otherwise, there will be incompleteness. You may be competent in many things. Competent in preaching.

Competent in handling many things. But it's not the issue of competence. It's the issue of incompleteness.

And if you want to be complete, then cleave to your wife. So the first thing that God is looking for as he has said is oneness. Is this cleaving? Because you know the Bible says that these two, I think it's in, before I come to that one.

He said, therefore shall a man cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. That precedes ministry. As you know that there was no ministry as long as Adam was lying down and God was doing that operation to remove his bone and make his wife.

For ministry to become, to come now and to be wholesome, the two must come together and become one. So the first thing that God wants to achieve by bringing the woman into the life of a man is first of all that these two of them will have this understanding. That they must be one.

They shall be one flesh. So the definition of marriage from these scriptures that we have seen. We can simply say marriage is the joining together, the binding together, the cleaving together of a man and a woman who have left father and mother in order to become one flesh.

We have said it's not man and man, not woman and woman. But there must be a binding together, a joining together of the man and his wife. A man and his wife who have left father and mother in order to become one flesh.

That is the first thing God wants to achieve, one flesh. Before we now talk about, so what would this couple do? God wants to achieve this oneness. It is this couple that have become one that can be effective in ministry.

And just to illustrate that, if you open Genesis chapter 11 verse 6. Genesis 11 verse 6, the story of the Tower of Babel. The Bible says, And the Lord said, Indeed, the people are one, and they all have one language. And this is what they have begun to do.

Now, nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. The importance of oneness. Even God, when he saw people who are one doing the wrong thing.

Building the Tower of Babel so that they will not scatter all over the earth. Which is not the will of God. Even God said, since they are one in that thing they want to do.

It shall not be withheld from them. Which means, if ministry also, the two of us bond together. And we are one.

There is nothing that we propose to do that will be withheld from us. This is where effectiveness in ministry comes to a couple. I just want to, before we take other input from that.

You know, when you raised that passage in verse 22 of Genesis 2. I want us to please go back there. You know, the old King James said, And the rib which the Lord God hath taken from man. Are you seeing the scripture? Made he a woman.

But the new King James added one small word that made it a little more elaborate in my mind. And the rib that the Lord God hath taken from the man. He made into a woman.

I don't know whether you get the kind of thing I am saying. As if the entire structure of the woman. Was actually deliberately made out of that rib.

I don't know what I am talking. Are you getting me? As if this woman. Everything you see about her.

The very, very structure. That became who she is. Was what God took away from me.

And I see it. When God was bringing her back. God was bringing back.

Everything. Plus all that God has now added and embellished. To complete.

What he took away. So the truth of the matter from what you are saying. Is that actually a man.

Remains. Deficient. There will be several issues.

In a man's life, in his ministry, in what he could do. That honestly speaking, he cannot do it. Without the plugging back of the woman.

It's not that you don't want to do well. You are doing well. It's not that you don't want to succeed.

You want to succeed. But there is an ingredient. That will have completed.

All about what you are doing. That is only located where? In the wife. So you see, when God.

Was saying a man that finds a wife finds a good thing. He has obtained favor from God. What it means is that if you find your wife.

And you can bond and you can cleave and become one. God has favored you. It means that God has decided to honestly help you to finish well.

He has decided to bring back to you what you would have been looking up and down for in life. He has put it in your wife. My prayer is that husband and wife will first come to recognize that.

If you don't recognize that. That the matter we are raising here may not make sense to you. You might think that even without her I can do.

Even without her I can achieve. And there is something. Chicken is eating.

Before guinea corn comes. Even if you are not here I will continue. I sense that this man does not understand.

That whatever the ministry that I am supposed to do. The truth now is that there is an ingredient. That has been lacking.

Taken away deliberately by God. And he made into this woman. And he is saying and bringing her back.

To complete it. So to cleave. To this woman.

For my own life to be complete. For my ministry to find every ingredient that is needed. Becomes necessary.

So when he said therefore shall a man. Leave father and mother and cleave to his wife. And they too shall become one flesh.

I can see the matter there. I can see the matter there. Now before I ask our.

Our coordinator to make a comment on this. Before we go on. I was going to.

Note. That. It then means that.

Each time a man has not bonded with his wife. He is wasting the favor of God. And he is attempting to do something that he cannot.

Completely do. What is don't know me as you are talking is the fact that yes. I'm energetic.

Everything fine. But what is not there is not there. Am I right? What is not there is not there.

Until she brings it back. I will continue to have that lack. Everything looks competent but is incomplete.

So the first thing that you have said that is. You know. Me drawing something on my heart is the fact that.

Bonding to become one. Is only reasonable. Bonding to become one.

Is the only way forward to completeness. Bonding to become one. Is the only provision.

For us to complete. And finish. What God has called us to do as men.

And. Not to do so. Is to destroy.

Something that God. Actually wanted to accomplish. With our lives.

So that's the point I'm saying here. So I'm saying that. If at all.

We didn't do anything else. It will be important to note that. Bonding.

Is the only way forward. To maximize. And to completely accomplish.

The calling of God. Even on our life. As a man.

And a woman that do not bond with her husband. She's a fraud. Why did I say she's a fraud? She is punishing the man.

And keeping away from the man. What originally. Belonged to him.

That God has decided to put in her. And wherever she's using it. And it's not.

Contributed to the man's life. I don't know how to call it to. So that I will not be looking very aggressive.

The truth is that. Even she herself. She is incomplete.

Wow. So what she's doing there. It has no head.

And it cannot have tail. It is because. It was part.

Of something. Are you understanding? And it was to be a help. To complete somebody.

And he's not trying to down go on his own. Down there about. No wonder I have found that.

Many women. They may be highly educated. They may be a doctor.

But they have not submitted their lives to their husband. No matter what their enemy. I've never seen them satisfied.

They may build a house. But there's still a void. I see something saying.

You have not found. Your place. You are not.

In the right place. They are carrying you up and down here. Sorry.

Go to where you belong. I pray that God will. Strike this.

Very deeply. As we go ahead today. Before we come back to you.

What do you have to say to this? Yes. I see that there is a deliberateness. Even in that Matthew 19.

Verse 4, 5. Jesus was making reference to chapter 1. Verse 26 and 27. And then also in the verse 5. We see. The inference to verse 24.

And I see that. God's original plan. Is that husband and wife should what? Born together.

There should be that bonding. And remember that when God says. Therefore.

A man shall leave his father and mother. There was actually no human father. No human mother.

That time. And yet God was like setting this. As the standard.

In all generations. Regardless of tribe. And whatever.

That in marriage. Husband and wife. Are one.

Now. If we have a correct understanding. Of God's plan.

In marriage. Then the aspect of. Bonding.

In resource management. And all the other things. Will just be natural.

Just be natural. The issue of in-laws coming between husband and wife. Will not be there.

And the issue of friends coming between us. Will not be there. Then you discover that.

We'll be able to stand together. Because I was looking at the chapter 1. If you look at the verse 26. Let us make man in our image.

The next thing is. And let them. Man.

Them. And if you look at verse 28. It says he blessed them.

So I see. This aspect of bonding. In God's original plan.

You know for marriage. And if we lose sight of that. We'll be on our own.

Thank you very much. I don't want us to stop at that. I don't want us just to.

Make that as a statement. I want us to see that. God actually wanted man.

To take. Practical step. Towards bonding.

Said therefore shall a man. Do what? Leave. That's an active word.

Am I right? That's an active word. Which means it may not happen automatically. Which means the fact that you are married.

Does not automatically means. You are bonded. Did you get what I'm talking about? It means that.

God wants us to walk at it. God wants. God wants me.

As a man. And my wife. To walk at it.

To walk at this bonding. As a deliberate process. Therefore shall a man.

Leave. His father and mother. And cleave.

So these are active words. To leave. And to cleave.

Bonding. So sister Shade please. Speak into that.

The active step. That we must take. To begin the process of bonding.

Seriously. Because many brothers just say I'm married. I married you.

So the fact that you are married. You are not communicating. You leave in the morning.

As you used to leave. You come back. In the evening.

Where's my food? And when you put off lights. Inside the room. Say.

Now. We are ready. The woman say ready for what? I'm tired.

You see. When she say I'm tired. Maybe she says something much more.

That you are not hearing. So we need to discuss. And I think that this clinic.

The way my heart is. Is born in this year. I felt that.

Brothers and sisters leaving this meeting. They must go. Pursuing the process.

Of deliberate bonding. Such that. If your marriage is already.

Five years. Or ten years. Let us see the measurement.

Of how bonded. These people have become. Such that.

If somebody met my wife somewhere. And my wife says something. And without me knowing.

You meet me somewhere again. And you partake me. You will hear the same thing.

What is the process. That will make that to happen. If the way we are living.

The way we are reading the Bible. Is not automatic. So he said.

Please speak to it. The active procedure. Of bonding.

Living and cleaving. Let's begin to discuss that. So that.

We can be as practical. As possible. Since this.

Is what I'm seeing God saying. We must do. Beginning from.

What God said. And maybe we take it from. The Matthew 19 scripture.

Verse five. And said. For this reason.

A man shall leave. His father and mother. And be joined to his wife.

And the two. Shall become. One flesh.

The. The first thing I want to say. Even there.

Is that. The wedding day. Is a wedding day.

Is. Is. Is.

Is. Is. Ceremonia.

Is an initiation ceremony. Into marriage. Did you hear that? So wedding is not marriage.

No. Wedding is an initiation ceremony. Into marriage.

Marriage. Whereas wedding takes just two. Three.

Four hours. Marriage. Takes the whole lifetime.

take time. So, wedding is just for you to work it out. So that's the first thing.

The wedding is not the same as marriage. Wedding takes one moment, but marriage takes the whole lifetime. The second thing I'm seeing now in that scripture, it said, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother.

Of course, we have seen the reason now, because God has taken something from the man. For this reason, he shall go to where his bone is. He shall cleave to his bone.

For this reason, he shall leave every other. For this same reason, because your mother and father are not the bone of your bones. Your mother, no matter how sweet her soup has been, she is the bone of your father's bone.

Leave her. Let her cleave to her own husband. Go and look for your own bone.

Cleave to her. If you refuse to cleave to your own bone and you are cleaving to your mother, one of these days, she will leave you. Even by death, you know she will leave.

Not even to talk about the fact that she cannot supply your bone into your life. So, leave her. Of course, God is already determined, because the Bible said, when God made the woman, he brought her to the man.

So, for the woman, your leaving your father and mother is a sure banker. There is no question. So, if a woman is still cleaving to her mother and father, she has missed it in the first place.

So, both the man and the woman, leave your father and mother. That's the first step onto this bonding. Because when you have not left, you cannot cleave.

Leave them physically. To marry into your father's compound, no matter how glorious it is, is not correct, especially when your father and mother are still alive and they are there. Leave that place.

Go and rent a room and a parlour. Even though you are an heir of a man who has mansions, you will be a man, not a boy. If you leave him, leave your father and mother and go and start life afresh.

When you have bonded, you can now possess this possession together. But the first practical step is to leave them. Leave them physically.

Let it not be that it is papa and mama that are still bringing things and supplying your needs and you say, ah, if mama is not there, we can't have yam this season. Leave them. Leave them physically.

Leave them financially. You must be a man. The Bible says therefore, shall a man, not a boy.

Be a man. Even if we don't have much money, we have God. To be a man doesn't mean you have plenty money.

No, but you are mature spiritually to be able to hold God and say, Lord, you led us together in marriage. Provide for us. So leave them.

Don't depend on them. It's not that they cannot give you gifts, but we are saying, leave them. Don't depend on them.

Leave them physically. Leave them financially. Leave them spiritually.

Leave them in order to cleave to this bone of your bones. That would be the first step. Sometimes even our fathers in the Lord may be the ones that would not let us cleave.

Fathers in the Lord who will call you day after day and leave your wife in the cooler. Maybe out of ignorance. And every time I say, no, no, that's my father in the Lord.

I respect him. Oh, that's my father in the Lord. I must answer him.

And you are going to father in the Lord and you are not cleaving to your wife. That's also disobedience. Leave your father and mother, whether father spiritually or father physically.

Leave them so that you can cleave to this woman that you have married. So leave them in all aspects. Leave them.

And so that would be the first step. And cleave to his wife. Now, again, this is an active word.

It will not happen automatically. And the fact that you are joined in wedding does not mean it has happened. It has happened, but it shall happen.

What the Bible says is that therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and the two shall not have become one flesh. The word shall, it will happen. It's an active word.

So we must also work towards it. Cleave together. And in cleaving together, it is both physical, spiritual, and in our minds.

They shall cleave together. The first joining is the joining of our spirits. Cleave together in your prayer life, in your Bible study life.

Cleave together. Be one. Let it not be that the wife is going her own way, knowing the Lord, and the husband is going his own way and there is no cleaving of the two, of the knowledge of the two of them.

That knowledge is incomplete. Cleave the knowledge together. Cleave your drinking together in the same, from the same pot.

Of course, I don't expect, and I pray is not happening, that there are clergy couples who are clergy in one church and their wives are attending another church. May God forbid it. Let it not be.

Because we must cleave together, even spiritually, drinking from the same pot. It's not that that other church is not a church, but the fact that there may be differences in doctrine. And why should the two be two in attending church? The two shall be one flesh.

Cleave spiritually. Cleave in the mind. And that's where the real matter is, because cleaving in the body is so easy.

By the time you make face to each other, you are already together and you are sleeping together on the marital bed. But when it comes to cleaving in the mind, there is a hard work to that. Because nobody knows what is in the mind of a man.

Even the wife will not know it, except the spirit of the man that is in him. That's 1 Corinthians chapter 2, I think verse 11. 1 Corinthians 2, let's just quickly read it, and then I will drop the mic.

Verse 11. Now verse 10 and 11. But God has revealed them to us through his spirit.

For the spirit searches all things. Yes, the deep things of God. For what man knows the things of a man, except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so, no one knows the things of God, except the spirit of God.

Even for us to know God and know the things that God has graciously given to us in Christ Jesus. Nobody can know it, except the spirit of God. And for us to know it, the Bible says God reveals it to them by his spirit.

And so his spirit communicates it to us. Sometimes in dreams, sometimes in the scriptures, it tells us what is in the mind of God for us. Otherwise we will never know the mind of God.

No man knows the things of a man, except the spirit of the man in him. Even so, God. So no woman knows the things that are in the mind of her husband, except the spirit of her husband.

And no man can know what is in the mind of his wife, except the spirit of his wife. So how will these two people live together in their thinking, in their mind, in their planning? It has to be communicated. It has to be communicated.

That's where communication is very crucial in marriage. If we will be one, we must talk together. Man of God, talk to your wife.

Don't just talk to God. You will never be one if you don't find space to discuss things, to relate together, discuss together. Bring out what is in your mind.

Because she will never know. Sometimes we say, you should have known now. Must I talk to you before you know this one? You should have known now.

How will he know? Even the Bible says, no one knows the things of a man, except the spirit of the man that is in him. How do we know them then? It is by communicating. Bring it out.

Speak. Talk together. Thank you very much.

She has moved us to something more, but that's a very bigger issue that we have to return back to. Communication as a process of bonding. But I think before we get to that, because it's a big issue, she has introduced some three dimensions of bonding.

They must bond in their spirit. If their spirits have not bonded, if their mind has not bonded, even though you try to bond your physical body together in sex, which has happened many times, yet you still find that you are not together. So I was thinking that within the space that we have, because these issues are critical, the bonding, but one thing she has said which I don't want to miss is that wedding is an initiation onto the marriage process.

It's a point of entry. It is not the end. Oh my God, many brothers, maybe our understanding that didn't allow us is that when you are courting a woman, you are trying to build a relationship in order to woo her.

You are impressing her, you are visiting her. If you say something good, say, I thought you would like this. Isn't it? If you are going on the road, and she mistakenly hit her leg on the stone, you say, oh, I'm sorry.

I don't even know why I decided to take this bad road. I hope it's not paining you too much. It's paining her.

It's paining her. All of that you did when you were seeking her face. You went on that same road, oh, and she hit her leg.

You say, yeah, yeah, yeah, but how are you carrying your eyes? That you did not see the road. You already know that this road is rough. What were you looking at? That you hit your leg.

Sorry, oh, but we have to move, you know. The church is going to start in another five minutes, and I have to preach. Let's move.

Do you understand? Because in your mind, I have married. You have married me, and you should have known that you married a pastor. You married a pastor.

Let's just know it. You are married. Please, wipe your face.

Let's go. We have to move now. Next time, be more careful.

What God has not provided, must I force myself? Let us all pray that God will help us. It's okay. Let's go.

And you are ready to go. Why is that attitude changed? Because something told you that we have what? Married. There's no need for marry.

Let us agree together that your wedding was only the beginning, the initiation of marriage. But the process of bonding, of becoming one flesh, I noted how she said, for this cause, shall a man live? Father and mother, and shall live. And they too, shall.

You know, when she was emphasizing shall, not has, not that it has happened, I said, oh my God. So I'm saying, it's a process that shall. Praise the Lord.

So, what I wanted to note before I asked her sister Gerta to help us read a portion of this book, Numortu. Because I noted that when we are talking about, for this cause shall a man live, we said it's an active word. You cannot live in a dream.

Are you understanding? You cannot say, I will live. I will live. Is it the same thing as live? Eh? I'm not hearing you.

When have you left? When you have left? You tell your wife and say, well, you know, let's keep managing, let's manage my junior brothers, you know, they will soon graduate and so they will soon leave us alone. Is that the Bible? Is it that they are the one who will leave you alone? Eh? What did God say? You shall live. So this practical action, I think we should put some more input into it because I'm hoping that when we come back again tomorrow, because I'm sensing that if this bonding succeeds, every other thing will just walk out.

If communication is a process of bonding, then we need to discuss it well. Because one of the biggest problems in marriage is that many husbands, they can't communicate. It is possible for a man to talk to other people, other sisters, two hours.

And when those sisters are talking to him, saying, eh? So that's how it happens. Yes. And the woman will talk more, more, more, more.

When it is the wife. Say, excuse me, what are you talking about? Say, say, you know, I have to do something. Two minutes or two hours is not enough for the other person who came for counseling.

Why is it like that? Why are most husbands impatient with their husband and with their wives and they are patient. Are you hearing me? We church members. Have you noticed that? Eh? Aha.

We need to talk about that. And sisters are saying, why is it that it is me that don't have your ears? Whenever I want to talk to you, there's no time. And if I say something, it's either that you say, is that how to talk to somebody? Why do you use past tense when we are talking something? So to the point that the wife is saying, I don't even know what to say.

I have to talk again. I have to watch my English because it has become so grammatical now. What is the problem, sir? These are issues.

May God help us to respond to it in the name of Jesus Christ. Aha. Something is touching sister Gerta's heart.

Go ahead. As I look at that verse, that a man will live. And I see that the issue of headship and leadership of the home begins from that point.

Of course, most of us in Africa, Nigeria is straightforward. Once you marry, the wife moves that very day. Whether you are in the home and she's from a mansion, she forgets that one and moves.

But this one is saying a man shall live. And sir, you were talking of the fact that if this bonding takes place, then other things will fall in place. I see that if the man is able to receive this revelation and take the steps, the woman will simply fit in.

Normal women will simply fit in. Because by the time a man has left and is leaving, unless something is strangely wrong, there will be no problem with the wife leaving and marrying the man. So for me, we need a revelation of this in our spirits, especially our heads, the husbands.

If that happens, I tell you, like we said the other time, every normal woman marries to follow. And if the head is correct and is taking the right steps, normal wives will follow. Thank you, thank you.

Normal wives. We also know some abnormal wives. Because, you know, I just cancelled a case.

When a girl is telling that if she's going to marry him, she's not ready to leave because she loves her parents so much that the man shall pack and come and live with them. And because, you know, she already has a house. They have given her an apartment.

Yes, they built an apartment for her. And the brother is asking me, since we don't have money for rent, what is wrong going there? I say, ah! Everything is wrong. Because you are a tenant.

One of these days, she will ask you, look everywhere, what did you bring here? What did you bring into this marriage? Please, move what you have brought here and go. Your children cannot even follow you. Because your children will be so comfortable on that side.

I say, daddy, where are you carrying us? You are a tenant. Even if you are going to start on the mat, start there. Very important.

There are wives, girls that are insisting, when I marry you, I must maintain my father's name. And you know that's the problem of one of the children of Baselai. That made them to put him aside from the priesthood.

Because he fell in love with one of the daughters. And what did he do? Baselai, he changed his own name. The man changed the name, Azade Biane, the name, Baselai, the surname of his wife.

So his genealogy was lost in Israel. Nobody can trace where he comes from again. If you are a correct husband, you are the one to leave.

We are saying that when you leave, normal wife, a normal woman will follow. And if your wife is now the abnormal type, bring her here. God is going to handle it.

Now, for this course, so sister, please help us read. We have some few more minutes. Just draw issues for us from that.

No more to. Now, we are going to introduce no more to you later on. Because we found that there are so many issues that we will never be able to finish talking with.

About that God has helped us to put down, you know, in a very meticulous manner that the more we keep studying, the more we keep drawing issues out. We are going to talk about these materials. Yes, ma'am.

That he who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and their twine shall be one flesh. It was he who made them at the beginning, male and female, who also said at the same beginning that for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother. This is like a guiding principle and an operational guide for the marriage.

This was not after the fall. It was not because of a problem or the other. It was in pursuit of a cause which God desires to achieve in the marriage of his man.

He issued out this instruction at the very onset of the relationship, even before there were any father or mother. The plan of God right from the beginning is clear here. His wisdom for deliberately giving this initial instruction will only become appreciable to our hearts when you see the much havoc, external interference of the extended family has done to several marriages in our time.

It is the fact that the bone of his bones and the flesh taken out of his flesh is this woman. She is the one that is one with him in every way. The texture, the size and the original fabrics is the same with him.

Though he had been brought forth from his mother's womb and had been bound to her through the umbilical cord, though the father's gene is embedded in this man, yet he has nothing in them. He is completely different from them. His destiny and theirs are not in any way connected.

He has come through their loins, though, but he has come to live a different life. However, one that is taken out of him without whom he can never be complete in life is this woman. It is only in union with her that they can both become one flesh.

Even if the man decides to hold tightly to his father and his mother, he will only be an intruder in their own matrimony. He is a product of their union, but not a part of it. He cannot produce anything for his own generation if he does not discover the bone of his own bones and the flesh of his own flesh.

The woman that bears the other part of his life, the other aspect of his gifts and endowments, in order for him to have a total and complete impact on his generation, is the wife. And for this cause, he must leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto her, for the two of them to become one flesh. This is a worthy cause.

Becoming one flesh with your wife is a worthy cause. It is the only way for you to accomplish God's divine purpose for creating you. It is the divine provision God himself makes for every man in his service.

It is a cause that is worth all the investment God has made and all the releasing, the leaving and all the cleaving that the man must make. It is a significant cause which must not be taken for granted. By this, I do not mean childbearing alone.

Several women have had children for men they could not locate afterwards, talk less of cleaving to them. There are yet other couples fulfilling God's mandates on their lives, though they have no biological children. This cause of becoming one flesh is the goal of marriage.

It is the climax God looks for in every marriage. When there are no more two but one flesh, when their destinies are no more two but one, when their pursuits are no more two but one, it is a cause that God himself identifies with all through the scriptures. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourished and cherished it, even as the Lord the church.

For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Ephesians 5 verse 29 to 32. This cause even goes beyond our personal marriages. It is a great mystery.

It even concerns and mirrors Christ and the church. What Adam lost in his marriage due to the fall, God is restoring it in the union of Christ, the second Adam, with the church, the bride. Just as Adam and his wife would have built up a relationship that would form a platform for God's authority on earth, so will each marriage of the believer contribute at every level to the glorious union of Christ with the church, his body on earth, to establish his kingdom on earth.

In heaven there is no marriage. We would not serve any purpose in heaven with our one flesh union. It is only here on earth it must produce a godly offspring for his kingdom, which will then build up into the great mystery of Christ and his church.

This cause is great and supreme enough to warrant everything and anything a man must give up, to cleave unto his wife, and for they too to become one flesh. Brother, sister, God is looking eagerly for a result out of your union. He is expecting your becoming one flesh to bring forth much reward in all your labors for his kingdom on earth.

He expects you to win every battle and secure every victory as they too shall become one flesh. This cause is beyond even your personal convenience. Heaven is involved with a great interest.

It is also for this cause that Jesus left his glory in heaven and has taken upon him our nature to be joined together with men, the church, so that we can become one flesh with him. Let us further examine this instruction as to underline its implications and applications in our marital relationship. Shall a man leave his father and mother? It is very amazing that God's wisdom says, shall a man leave, and not for the woman to leave her father and mother.

The woman actually cannot be said to be married while she is still in her father's bosom. All our traditions and cultures concur on this. It is understandable for her to leave and follow the man to his house, and that has never been much of the problem several marriages have had.

Most men and even parents expect to marry the wife into the family. They see the woman coming as an addition to their family. In some cultures, they see her as the wife of every man in the house.

She is the servant of all she meets in the family. She is less valued than even the children she bears. At times, she is regarded as part of the property to be shared once her husband is deceased.

She is often excused from important family discussions, or she is given a limited right to contribute to the decision-making process in the family. Since the fall of man, the woman is the only one compelled to leave father and mother. She is the one to adjust and come and join the man in his own family setup.

She is the one that must change her name, as it happened even in Genesis 3. While I am not making a case for or against these established quotes, let us listen to God again. Let us follow the Maker's manual. And He said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother.

For the marriage, as God conceived and intended it, to walk out the fullness of divine purpose, God said, A man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife. From this it is clear that marriage is only between the two, a man and a woman. It is not a joining of a woman with a whole family of father, mother, sons and daughters.

We shall discuss the new relationship with the husband's and wife's family later, but suffice it now to be firmly established in your heart that the joining is basically between you and your wife. You did not marry your wife's family, neither did she marry your own. Your brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews, mother and father may be great and loving, yet at the point of matrimony, you are lost to them into this woman.

She is lost into you as well. The matrimony produces a new person, which is neither the old you nor herself of old. It is a brand new personality that is both you and her, but not to be separately known or touched anymore.

For this to become a living reality, a man shall leave his father and his mother. To leave means to let go, to move away from, to stand apart from, to release their ideas, their visions and dreams, their holdings and even properties, and to go in search of a freshness in cleaving to your wife. To leave may also mean to forgo every right into your father and your mother, to forget their sweet pot of soup and embrace another taste coming from a distant country home where your wife had all her initial upbringing.

It is to leave them out of your focus for now, out of your decision making, out of your program, out of your immediate consideration. It is to leave them out of your heart. Every one of your emotions attached to them is to be cut off and redirected.

To leave his father and his mother may also mean to make them no more primary in his heart, to move away from their immediate authority and to re-establish a new authority line. Obedience and submission in the new relationship is that which cannot permit the external voice, except it be from God or if both now mutually succumb willingly to it as a counseling. The father and the mother can no longer lord it over.

They can only stand by as counselors and mayor guides. Yet God said a man shall leave his father and mother. I believe this is the climax of living.

If this has taken place, I do not expect a man to hold tightly to a friend, his brother or his sister to the detriment of cleaving to his wife and becoming one flesh with her. Several marriages are in shambles today because the man has not left. His mother is still in the center of his heart.

He is still his mother's baby. He secretly desires to suck mommy's breast. Once in a while he is waiting to ratify or cross-check or double-check decisions made with his wife in their bedroom with dad and mom in the village.

He gives several actions pending until mommy smiles or frowns at their decision. He sometimes unwittingly paints his wife black, hard, unsubmissive because of his own parents. You may hear him report to his mother, I would have come over but Christy wasn't excited about the whole issue.

Dad, I have no problem if you can convince my wife. This is the kind of daddy's boy who is trying to be a husband. God's instruction is clear.

Your home cannot take off the ground and fly to its height of fulfillment if you as a husband would not leave your father and mother. This leaving includes all family ties. It includes all friends and all business associates.

A new friendship and relationship must be established. No more with you as two individuals but now with you two as one flesh. You will both have a common and equal knowledge of all relationships.

All connections are open and equally connected to your lives. The parents are no more mine or hers but ours. Your mother has lost a son but gained a new man.

Both herself and yourself combined in one new personality. Her own mom has lost a daughter and can only have you together henceforth. Privacies of my own son, my own daughter is lost and gone.

What we now have is this couple lives relating equally and at the same time with the mothers and fathers who indeed are no more part and parcel of them. They are outside their matrimony. They are guests and no more part owners.

This requires that the man particularly should leave and cleave to his wife so inseparably. Leaving father and mother also even includes spiritual parents in a way. He must also give up even fathers in the Lord and submit them to be repicked after cleaving to his wife.

No spiritual leader, pastor, discipler may come in between this union. Their ministry must now be to the new person, one flesh couple. No private counseling that the wife must not know about.

No ministry pursuit that cuts them asunder. Leaving means to let go. Even such cherished doctrines that fathers and mothers in the Lord have preached so well.

If this joining cannot take place, if one holds on to them, I say this with much gravity, no church doctrine must separate between a man and his wife. This is why you must not be equally yoked, unequally yoked with anyone whose doctrine in life is contrary to the principles of Christ you have learned from men who brought you up in the Lord. Thank you.

Did you follow? The Lord will help us. When we come back tomorrow, we will now take, we have established the need, the necessity for bonding. And we have talked about the dimension of it.

But now we will now take time to now discuss how to, the procedure of doing it. We just started talking about leaving. We are going to now look at how do we bond destiny together? How do we bond our spirit, our mind? My wife started introducing the matter of communication.

We are going to talk about that. I think during this meeting we will need to lay it down and discuss it and trust that God will take you from here a bonding couple. That by God's grace it will be sweeter every day.

And it will be growing deeper and deeper every day in the name of Jesus Christ. Sir, I think we have to draw the curtain now because it is the end of the space they have given us, isn't it? Reverend Babadola? Alright, so we are going to stop. Do you permit us to ask you to keep your questions tomorrow? Alright, so we take questions tomorrow.

We wanted to please be free and be practical. Wives, our rule in this clinic is that we don't bottle up. We share.

Because if we don't talk to ourselves here, is it when you are back in your parish, who can you talk to there? They will say the woman is spoiling her husband's ministry. But here we stand together trusting God. And we are praying that you will not perish your marriage in the parish.

Are you hearing me? There is only one word, one little letter in between parish and perish. I hope you know. And sometimes, you know, when I went to South Africa, where they pronounce A as eh, they say my perish, my perish.

I say, I say no, I'm not going to perish. They say no, no, no. So I realize that you could even pronounce it almost the same.

May you never perish in your parish in the name of Jesus Christ. Please lead us to pray. Thank you.

Let me try this. Okay. Hallelujah.

Let me say emphatically that if it is well at home, it will be well in ministry. And it cannot be well at home unless it is well between us and God. Because marriage is a relationship that is first with God before it is with you and your wife or with you and your husband.

The Lord will help us. I will ask my wife to pray. Our Father and our God, we want to thank you for enabling us to begin to look at this great mystery.

Lord, reveal this mystery to us so that we will get it correctly. So that our marriages will be bonded in a way that we will be fit to make disciples. Father, we plead with you that we will not stand on our defenses.

That we will let go so that you will help our lives. Father, we thank you because you will do much more than what we ask. Because we pray in Jesus name.

Amen. Amen. Praise the Lord.