Husband and wife relationships

Father, we thank thee for the Lord Jesus Christ, and we have been shamed of the matchless grace of God. And each one of us, though some of us were raised in Christian influence, yet we recognize that we were still enemies of God. As much as those that we think about who have never heard the gospel, we think of how thy word tells us that when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son.

We thank thee for the Lord Jesus Christ, and for his work that is finished, so that if there be any in this gathering tonight who are not saved, that they're not right with thyself, that even in a meeting like this they would be able to understand that the work is done and salvation is free, and they can have their sins forgiven. Now we do pray for the guidance and help of the Holy Spirit. We are dependent upon God in a meeting like this to use the time to the best possible blessing of each one of us, and we would pray for this in this gathering.

We would not forget that some of our brethren are laboring in various places in the gospel, and we pray for them. And then we think of others who are going through difficult times in their experience, some with illness and others with heartache, and we just pray for thy people and ask thee to meet their need. Even some that would come to the minds of thy people here tonight that they're praying for privately, we just ask thee to remember them at this moment, and we would pray that thou would sustain them.

Now we do wait upon thee, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen. I want to read with you in Genesis chapter 2 tonight. Genesis chapter 2, and before we read that, I will just say this, that if you wanted to summarize what was on my mind last night, it is that the home should be a place where God is known above all else, and out of that knowledge of God come principles that will guide our lives, not only ourselves as adults, but even guide our children as they grow up amongst us, and we should be doing everything and expending every effort to make sure that takes place.

I remember Mr. Dougherty kind of warning me, he was a mentor to me, and he said to me, he said, you know Jim, sometimes, sometimes God will take away a father in death, and the mother is a widow, and the children are fatherless. He says that's God's doing, we can't question that, but he said in the work of the Lord, stay home, because don't you make your children fatherless, and don't make your wife a widow, and when we moved to Dewberry, the Christians were kind of used to preachers traveling all over the place, and they said to Joyce, what are you going to do when Jim goes away, and she said, he's not going away, and they said, well every preacher goes away, well not this preacher, he doesn't go away, he stays home, and that's what I did for years, and didn't make my wife a widow, and I didn't make our children fatherless, and I'm glad that I didn't, now in some cases, circumstances change that, I understand, all I'm saying is, we want to try to make things as close to the Word of God as possible, because the way things, God does things, what he does, surprise, it works, really does, God's ways are best, so keep that in mind, that would summarize what I had in mind, really last night, a home atmosphere, and a place where people even love to come home, my father was 56 when he passed away, in all the years I knew him, I never heard him raise his voice one time, I was a bad boy when I was seven, I was bad after that, and I was bad before, but I'm thinking of one time, I'm not telling you what I did, because I think that's best, but he came up to me, quietly, when I was about seven or eight, and he said, Jim, did you do this? And I said, yes, he said, I suggest you don't do that anymore, and that's all he said, and I never did, he was a gentle man, but he was a man that, when he said it, you knew that he really expected it to be done, but I have happy memories of my childhood, every day that I can recall was a good day, and that's what we wanted for our children, and we know that that's what everybody here wants for their children, and for grandchildren as well. Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, and the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him and help meet for him.

I'm going to stop there, and we're going to talk about that. There is a word that does not exist in this verse, the word help meet does not exist in this verse, there is no such word in the Hebrew language as help me, I've looked in dictionaries, and sometimes they have it in, and sometimes they don't, but the idea is not a help meet, the word help is a separate word by itself, and it means a helper. The word meet is an old-fashioned English word which means suitable, so it's a help who is suitable for him.

You remember when a battle was won in the days of Samuel, they took a stone, and they called it Eben Ezer, and Eben means stone, and Ezer means help, and the word here is Ezer, it is the word help, and then the other word is answerable to him, and what I like to think of when I think of that particular word is, you know how you have a jigsaw puzzle, and you're looking for a piece that will just fit in with the other pieces there, well I think of a two-piece jigsaw puzzle when I think of a husband and wife, and the husband has his weaknesses and strengths, and the wife has her weaknesses and strength, but you put them, two of them together, and you get a whole piece of puzzle that fits perfectly together, and it's wonderful when that takes place. Now the sad thing is, and I am aware of that, that in lives everywhere there are believers who have had partners, and those partners left them for whatever reason, and I'm sensitive to that, and I want it to be understood that what we're talking about at this point in time is the ideal, things are not always ideal, and I have shed tears with others who had times when their heart has been breaking over things not turning out the way they expected. So Adam and Eve together made one, and it's interesting, let's take a moment and look over at chapter 5 and verse 2, speaking of, let's read verse 1, this is the book of the generations of Adam, in the day that God created man in the likeness of God made he him, male and female created he them and blessed them, notice what it says, and called their name Adam in the day when they were created.

I believe that that is the basis why we have a woman change her name so she is Mrs. so-and-so, and I don't think they called Adam Mr. Adam and Eve Mrs. Adam, but it was one name for the two of them, in fact I have said I've never been asked, but I've taken about 45 or so, maybe 50 weddings, and I've said I will never marry a couple unless the woman is willing to take the wife and the husband's name because they should have the same name, and we won't go on about that, but I just want you to know that God made such a unity that when God looked at the man he was Adam and when he looked at the woman she was Adam as well, there was that unity and that was to express that they were to be alike and they were to be together like two pieces of a puzzle. Now let's go down to verse 23, and Adam said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man, therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. Now in verse 24 it says that the man is to leave his father and his mother, usually what we think of is the young lady who marries the young man, she leaves her mother and father and goes to live wherever the man has employment generally, and so we think of the woman leaving mother and father, but God has a different thought in mind here and that is this, that the man leaves his mother and father because he is now establishing his own headship, that's the idea, in other words a lesson for in-laws including myself, you are not in charge of what they do.

Now for me I found that really hard because I know how our children should live, I know perfectly what they ought to do, so I want them to do things the way I want them to do them and then I know they'll turn out the best, right, that's the idea. What we have to do is allow them to do what we did and that is to establish their own headship and make their own mistakes like we did who are older married and but whatever, the point is that parents should not interfere in the relationship of the new headship that has been established. I remember one time Chris and Sharon were actually living with us while Chris was looking for employment, our daughter Sharon and her husband Chris and we were standing in the kitchen and she said to me, dad what do you think we should do about this? I said so you want me to tell you what you should do dear? She said yeah, I said ask him, don't ask me and that's what she did because it's their responsibility and she shouldn't be asking me what they should do.

So there's an establishment of a headship here. Now there's more that could be said about this and I may come back to this at another point in time but I want to take you over to Ephesians chapter 5. As I mentioned I think maybe on the Lord's Day we're going to be hitting highlights this week. In my own personal notes I've given you four pages here, really three pages because there's a cover.

In my own notes I have 25 pages so we're not going to cover all that. So there are so many angles to it but my goal is if I can give you some highlights this week, that's the goal to give you highlights that you can say okay and then you can move on from there. I will be satisfied if I can do that.

Now Ephesians and we'll go to chapter 5. Ephesians chapter 5 and I've already skipped a few of these things that are mentioned here in the outline because I want to get to Ephesians 5 so we're going to look down at verse 21 of Ephesians 5. Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God, wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Now let's stop there.

Headship and lordship are two different things in a marriage. Headship and this is vital for our men to understand, headship is my responsibility to those under me. It's not the idea that I'm the boss, more it is the idea that I am a leader to make sure that things go well.

Lordship on the other hand is the response of the wife to the husband. So there are two different directions. Headship is a man's responsibility toward his wife, lordship is a wife's responsibility toward her husband.

Now the world to some extent they don't like the idea of the Christian principle of headship and they think somehow it is superiority or something like that. Now I have a good illustration that I got from one of our granddaughters that will help us with this. Naturally I'm quite proud of her, she is quite a talented girl and I'm saying that honestly with, I'm trying to say it without prejudice, but you know grandchildren are wonderful especially you can send them home when you're tired of them, you can't do that with children.

But at 18, she's 19 now, on the fire department in the town where she lives and she was telling me recently she's a girl that likes to do a lot of things. She said, Grampy, she said I was in the far side of town with one of the fire department vans and on my transponder they said we need the van back, we're off to a fire and she said I got in and for the first time I was able to put the lights on and the sirens on and she said I went down the main street and it was like the parting of the Red Sea and she said everybody moved and I went right on through and now she's got her bigger license so she can drive the big fire trucks as well but she was so proud of that and I said thank you for that because here's a girl and she was assigned a place of headship. She was given a responsibility, it didn't make her better or less or anything else, it's just an assigned responsibility and even if the mayor of that town was on the street and he's in a sense should get more respect than she should, once those lights go on he had to obey her and that's the point.

It's nothing to do with superiority, it has to do with assigned responsibility, that's all it is and so that takes away that idea, oh men think they're better. No, if I had been on that street and she has respect for me and I saw those lights on and the sirens going I just have to move out of the way because she's the boss at that moment and that's the point that God has assigned to a man the place of headship but headship is responsibility, that's what it is, it's a place where I have to take care of things and so we can remove the idea of superiority or anything else that we negatively associate with it and so here in chapter 5 of Ephesians it says that wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands as unto the Lord and he is the the husband is the head of the wife. Now in verse 24 it says let the wives be subject to their own husbands in everything.

Now we know when it says in everything and maybe this doesn't need to be said but just in case, if a husband says to his wife here's a gun we're going out to rob a bank, the everything has exclusions, just keep that in mind. Now I don't want some women and likely none here but some places they're glad to hear I don't have to submit and everything but the idea is the husband's responsible and if mistakes are made God holds him responsible for how the home operates. Let me say something else in case I don't think to say it later on.

One of the problems that I see in marriages sometimes is you have a man who is timid by nature and he's attracted to a woman who seems very confident and so they match up, they marry and she really becomes dominant and he becomes submissive and that can only lead to disaster. Now sometimes I've seen godly women who recognize that their husbands were kind of more laid-back and retiring and she by nature was more forceful but what the woman did is she gradually pulled back and helped him take his place and that's what should happen because later on I think of one particular marriage and the lady sometimes calls me crying on the phone because he will not take responsibility and it may seem like when you're going together everything's perfect and she's happy to show him around and kind of take over and he's happy to take it easy but there comes a moment when that gets a little tiring. In fact let me tell you the story so far away from here you'll never guess.

She called me one time, she wasn't crying this time, she says he never puts the garbage out. Now the garbage is not necessarily a man's job in a home and we will talk about that you can kind of negotiate the jobs each of you take on but in their home the garbage was his responsibility. So I said well what do you do? She says I put it out.

Well I said that's a mistake if it's his job let him put it out. She said well never get out. I said well what's the problem with that? She said well it stinks in the house.

Well I said let it stink. She said well I don't like the smell of it. Well I said put it where he smells it.

Well he did finally start putting the garbage can out and then he would never bring them in. So windy days are way down the street. I said what do you do? She said I go and get it.

I said mistake. You're taking over. She says well what do we do? I said let him buy a new garbage can.

She said we could do that every week. I said because they're pretty well off. I said well let him buy a new garbage can every week till he gets tired of spending the money.

But don't take someone else's responsibility and take it on yourself. We had a lady live with us. She worked at a psychiatric or psychological rehabilitation center and you know what she said to me? She said Jim, over there where we have patients come in for a month, we have a rule that when their behavior is inappropriate, bad, and they're going to crash, we make sure that we take away all the pillows and they hit the cement hard.

And that's what I do too. I love helping people but I let them take their own consequences. And in the past maybe she saw that in me, I would tend to help them through it.

You know they'll learn eventually. No they won't. When you hit your head in concrete, you usually learn pretty quickly that you don't want to trip again.

And so all I'm saying to the wives, help your husband be a better man if you're married. If you're not and you tend to be a strong person, watch out that you don't get someone who wants to be cuddled all his life because you'll get tired of that after a while. It may make you feel important at some point in time, but after a while when you start chasing garbage cans and you begin to smell the garbage and other things, grass never being cut till you have to get a guide to take you through the jungle and all that kind of thing, you will want something different from that.

And that's you have to think about that before a marriage takes place because if you don't you'll think about it a lot afterwards. You know the old saying and it's not really funny but it makes a good point, love is blind and marriage is an eye-opener. And there is truth in that in some very, very sad ways.

And you want to be careful so the wife is to be submissive. She can encourage her husband, she can help him be what he ought to be, but not enable by taking over and so she submits. But then when we come to verse 25, it says husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.

Now what a standard that is. Think about it. Husbands here tonight, you're to love your wives as Christ loved the church.

That is a very high standard. And it says and he gave himself for it. And I can tell the men this, that in most cases, in most cases not all, if you give yourself for the blessing of your wife and she knows that, it will not be hard for her to take to take the place under you of your leadership.

That will not be hard. It will be easy to do. But the thing is that that's what God wants us to do as men is to love our wives as Christ loved the church.

The Lord Jesus laid down his life for us and we are to lay down our lives for our wives, which means we do things which suit them. There, if I were to suggest to my wife, you know dear, I'd really like to buy you the finest computer that there is out there, she would know immediately that I was doing it for myself because she doesn't care. See, so now if I really want to get her something or suggest something to her, it'll be something that she likes.

But computer would never thrill her at all. She's getting better but she's scared of things that are monsters, so you don't go out and buy your wife something that you want and make it look like it's for her. Look what I bought for you today.

Isn't that wonderful? What a wonderful man. So it's giving ourselves, sacrificing. And on the other hand, a wife would do the same for a man like that.

And I would say if two people in a marriage determined that they're going to give everything they can to one another, there would never be a difficulty. It would be just wonderful teamwork. Now, verse 26, the goal of the Lord Jesus was that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Now notice what it says in verse 29 about that.

It tells us in the middle to the end of the verse that he nourishes and cherishes it even as the Lord of the church. As time goes by, a woman should develop that she is more, I'm not talking about physical looks, but more beautiful, more of that inward spirit because he is nurturing it like a plant and he's helping his wife to be what she really would like to be but struggles with. Let me give you a story and I did mention last night and I've talked to Brother Cal about it, that I really in a way don't like using personal stories only because I don't want to look like I'm promoting myself and that I just knew how to do it all, but sometimes these practical things are helpful and that's the goal that I have in mind so you'll understand that that's why I'm doing it.

I heard a preacher say one time, well I don't like telling personal stories but they're the only kind I have, which is true if you're, if it's personal to you it's a personal story. When we were married, my wife would never, never make a phone call. She was very shy, there's reasons for that, never make a phone call.

So I made them all. Little by little she said, I need to make a phone call and you can't make it, it's one that I have to make, what do I say? And I would begin to tell her what to say and she'd say, could you write that down for me? And I would write it down and she would hold it up and read it at the phone because she found it that hard. And that went on for, it could be a few years, and then after a while she'd say, I've got to make a phone call, can you help me with it? Yeah, I say, I'll write it down.

She said, just the main points. So it got to the main points and then after another period of time she said, well just tell me, I'll remember. And then while I've been away this time, I look on my calendar because we both have Apple and appointments pop up in mine after she put them in her calendar at home and I see my wife has been making appointments and just popping them in the calendar.

But that took time for her and it makes her more capable in this world because we live in a world of communication. But it took time for me to be patient and help her with that. I didn't say, well you can't make a phone call, what's the matter with you? You didn't do that kind of stuff and you can spoil a relationship.

So, and of course she has helped me in many ways with different things. There are times when I want to make a phone call and she sees I'm tired. I said, I'm just gonna make a phone call and she says, no you're not.

And I accept that because I know she knows me better than I know myself. I said, well I don't feel too tired. She says, you never know when you're tired.

And so we help one another and she's not nasty when she says it. We just know each other well enough that she can say it that way. But this is where the working together comes in and that's fine because that's where you help one another to grow and so this is what Paul is writing by the Spirit that he wants to nourish and cherish the woman to be nourished and cherished so that she becomes what the head, not the Lord, the head of the wife should be.

Now let me take you somewhere else because this is a vital thing as well and that is in Luke chapter 13. Another very important highlight. Luke chapter 13 and reading at verse 25.

I just want you really to notice one expression in verse 25, when once the master of the house is risen up. Now you'll notice there it says the master of the house. Let's go to First Timothy chapter 5. First Timothy chapter 5. First Timothy chapter 5 and we're going to read at verse 14.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. The expression in verse 14, guide the house, is the same as Luke 13, the master of the house. It's the same word only it's in the feminine form.

Brother Slabon and I spent a lot of time together. We had a lot of fun together and I liked pulling his chain when I could and get him to kind of bounce around a little bit and one day I said, Brother John, is the man the head of the house? He said, absolutely. You know how quickly he could respond.

Absolutely. I said, where do you get that? He said, you know where you get it, Ephesians chapter 5. I said, it doesn't say that there. Well, he said, what does it say? I said, it says head of the wife.

He said, same thing. I said, no it's not. I said, the woman is the head of the house.

He said, where do you get that? I said, find it for yourself. I had to and he did find it. We used to have a lot of good times together and this is it.

Chapter 5 and verse 14. You know what's wonderful? God has taken a man and a woman and he's given the man a headship and he's given the woman a headship. Isn't that wonderful? They both have a headship.

The man's a public headship, the woman's is a private headship. And with that in mind, my wife is the head of the home. I am a head over her.

Let me give you an illustration. I worked in the hospital. I was acting charge of the hematology department in the lab.

I had a pathologist that was over me and really the assistant was the one who really ran the lab. The other pathologists did research and things like that. Now one day the pathologist, the assistant, came into my department and there was something going on that shouldn't have been going on and he just left.

And later on when I saw him, he said, did you get that sorted out? I said, yeah. He said, good. Because that's not his department, it's my department.

Now he's over the whole lab, but that's my department and he didn't interfere in it. And when it comes to the household, my wife is head of the house. And so when certain decisions were made, I left them with her.

And that's an important distinction to make because some men, they want to control everything and they undermine what their wife is doing. And so when it comes to finances, for example, and that doesn't have to be the woman's responsibility, but in our household it is. And before I spend money while I'm away, I call my wife and say, I've been thinking about this.

And she might say to me, this wouldn't be the time to do that because I've got other bills here that need to be looked after. And I recognize she's running the household, so I submit to that because she's head of that department. And that's the thing we have to learn as to what department we're responsible for.

Now with that in mind, I want to take you over to Philemon. Philemon, and we won't take time to read the whole letter, but Paul was a prisoner. He says that in verse 1 of Philemon.

And he is writing to Archippus as well as his Apphia, whoever he or she was, there's a question about that. But what he has in mind is in his bonds while he was in prison, he met a runaway slave. And in those days, slaves were the property of the owners in the Roman Empire.

So he would like Onesimus to be free from his slavery, and he is going to send Onesimus back to Archippus. And in verse 12 he says that, whom I have sent again, thou therefore receive him, that is mine own bowels, whom I would have retained with me, that in thy stead he might have ministered unto me in the bonds of the gospel. Notice verse 14, but without thy mind would I do nothing, that thy benefit should not be as it were of necessity, but willingly.

So Paul is saying, this slave belongs to you. I'd like to keep him here, but I can't because he's your property. But then he encourages him, of course, to free him.

We're not going to talk about that, but he's saying without your mind I would do nothing. There is such a thing as territories in life. Now what I mean by that, and this is a very important principle, when I come to the La Crosse Gospel Hall, I am subject to the elders here.

And when I come to any assembly, I say to them, do you have someone who starts the hymns? And in some places they say, well we're not really good at it, we'd like you to start your own. Fine, but I ask them that because that is their territory. And if they say they have someone who's good at starting the hymns like you have here, I'm just as glad because every place has its own little idiosyncrasies when it comes to hymns.

And sometimes I would be going up and they're going down, and it's like we're kind of missing the target on some of the notes. But the point is, I've gone with preachers, and I'm not criticizing them, I'm just pointing out something. I've gone with preachers and we're having a gospel series and they get up and they give out their hymns and they start it.

And I said to them afterwards, did you get permission to start your own hymns? I mean if they're an older brother I wouldn't do that too, but one of my peers said, did you get permission to start your own hymns? They said, well no, I always start my own hymns. I said, it's really not our responsibility, it belongs here. I'd suggest we ask them before we do that again.

And not only that, but many other things. There are territories that belong to people. Let me give you a really good example.

If after the meeting I was back there and I saw a sister put her purse down, and I went over and I unzip it or open it and start looking through it, I might get a crack across the head, well I might not, I'd be too kind for that, but you see what you ladies would know what you would feel if you saw me doing that, because that's your territory. Well the same in the home. Now as I mentioned earlier about the garbage, it doesn't have to be that it's a man's responsibility, but you have to have assigned responsibilities.

When I come into the kitchen, I am free to smell what's in the oven, but I'm not free to open it. So if I want to open it, and that's not a good idea, you ladies know that better than I do, but let's say there's a pot on the stove, that's a little safer, but even there, before I would open the pot, even if it smells wonderful, I would say to my wife, what's in your pot? Because it's her pot. I don't call it our, what's in our pot? It's in her pot, it's her kitchen, and if she said have a look, then I have a look, and if she says don't take the lid off, I don't take the lid off, and if you want to have peace in the home, you have to learn what each area of territory is yours, and which is somebody else's, and don't violate it, and I'll tell you why.

That takes us down to, I think I have it there, yes, in the page, the second page in the inside, and down under 15E. Relationships develop in a distinct order. There's appreciation, and then there's respect, love, communication, and commitment, and you'll notice that communication is number four.

I've heard people say, well, you know, the important thing in marriage is communication. Well, it is, but it's down quite a ways down the list, because when two people meet, let's say for the first time, sometimes, you know, in a group setting, they'll say, hmm, he's kind of nice, or she's kind of nice, and there's an appreciation. As they get to know one another more, and appreciate more, there comes respect, and then it can deepen to love, and then communication, and then finally commitment in marriage.

For example, if you were going down the hallway in a mall, and coming the other way is someone that you really can hardly stand, what would you do? Well, if you're a lady, you'd likely head for the first women's clothing store and hide in the racks, and the man might go into a computer store and go right to the back, because where there's no respect, there will be no communication. That's why I say it's down the list, but let's say there's someone that you really admire. Let's say maybe the governor of your state, maybe some of you appreciate Mr. Walker, and if it ever would happen, you see him coming down the mall, you might even go over to the other side and stand by a window like you're looking in the window, waiting for the time when he comes, because respect means you want to communicate, and so the first thing that you have to do is make sure that you don't cause disrespect, like going into a person's purse, or something like that.

I had one day that I was sitting in my car waiting for someone to join me, and I can take heat and I can take cold, I can have icicles on my nose and I don't even notice it, but this man got into my car, first thing he does is he starts turning the heat up and adjusting everything, and for a moment I felt like slapping him, because it's my car, it's not his, and if he had said I'm cold, or I'm too hot, I forget what he was, all I could remember is, why are you touching that, is the way I felt about it, and so at that moment, much as I didn't want to, I lost some respect for him, so in a marriage, respect is right at the top, and the way to do that is consider other people's feelings and their territories, and it will gain you respect, but you ignore that, and that even includes whatever, if there's a little task that needs to be looked after, and the wife says, do you mind fixing that, and you say, yeah, yeah, I'll get at it, and a year passes by, you think you're going to gain respect that way? It's not going to happen, and if the wife, you ask her to do something, and she doesn't, if you're a man, and she keeps putting it off, not because it's hard, but just because she can't be bothered, it doesn't gain respect, so there has to be this mutual respect. Let me say this for single people, and including in that those who may have been married, but are now single, if the Lord opens the way that you are free with the blessing of the brethren, and when it comes to someone who's been previously married, and with single sisters or brothers, you make sure that the one you marry respects you above everything else, and if you see any sign, and I wouldn't have said this years ago, but I'm telling you now with experience, if you see any sign of disrespect, then the relationship should end right there. Now that doesn't mean you still can't love that person as a brother or a sister, I'm talking about marriage.

If a person ever shows you any disrespect, be done with it, because they'll break your heart. I am seeing that now in a way I've never seen it before, so it's done, it's over. You say well you know, they can learn.

Let me tell you, most of the time they don't. I was at a women's shelter four years ago with a lady, and talked to the head person in the women's shelter, and we described the situation, and she said he will never change, and I tended not to believe that, because I believe anybody can change, but I think either she's right on or she's pretty close, so respect is so important, and again just going back to 1st Timothy, where we just read, the wife has her headship, the man has his headship. We have to make sure that we integrate those, and they can be changing, they can be movable.

Some men are great at cooking. I'm not one of those, although I make breakfast every morning when I'm at home, but it's pretty simple, wouldn't poison anybody, but it wouldn't thrill them either, but some men are great, and they're better than their wives, and the wives know that. Well if he wants to take over the kitchen, they can do that, providing they're both comfortable with that, and if the wife is better at some things that you normally think that a man should be good at, if the wife is better, let her do it.

So these are movable things, but the main thing is when a territory is established, you don't violate that territory without permission, and so I think we can leave it there, and it gives us kind of an overview. There will be one or two other things that I will take up later, but I think we've got a pretty good idea of where these things fit into place, and I hope this is enough to give you a help in the husband-wife relationship. Let's pray.

Father, we thank Thee for the Lord Jesus Christ who gave himself for us. We think of the standard that he set for husbands to love their wives as he loved us, and we know that we will never rise to that, but we know that we can continue to seek to be more like him as men, and we would pray that just as we in the church are submissive to the Lord Jesus Christ, that we will acknowledge those that are sisters will acknowledge the responsibility of submission to a loving husband. We think of our single sisters and brethren here tonight, and some who've had heartache in the past, in a marriage, and we just commend every person to Thee, and pray for Thy blessing so that each life may become more wholesome for having spent time together.

We commend ourselves to Thee as we part in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.