Husbands, love your wives

Go ahead and turn with me to Ezekiel chapter 24. Now what I have on my mind is such that the sisters here can take a nap, if you want to. But we don't mind if you listen in.

I want to speak to husbands and those that might one day be in that situation. I don't think I would have spoken on this if I weren't married. And I don't think I would have wanted to speak on this if I were just recently married.

But my wife and I have celebrated 45 years of married life. Not always blessed necessarily, but married life. And in 45 years you've learned something anyway.

And perhaps, perhaps, don't take me too literally, but perhaps I'm in a situation that I can say a little word. I want to say husbands, love your wives. Look at Ezekiel chapter 24, verse 15.

Also the word of the Lord came unto me, saying, Son of man, behold, I take away from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroke. Yet neither shalt thou mourn nor weep, neither shall thy tears run down, forbear to cry. Make no mourning for the dead.

Bind the tire of thine head upon thee, and put on thy shoes upon thy feet, and cover not thy lips, and eat not the bread of men. So I spake unto the people in the morning, and even my wife died. And I did in the morning as I was commanded.

Turn to Ephesians chapter 5. I'm going to try to leave time for another brother. I can't know whether to say divide the time. Brother Archie Stewart complained because a brother said he'd divide the time.

He only left him ten minutes. So I can't say I can divide the time equally, but I'll do my very best. I'll read my comments.

Verse 25, very commonly known to all of us. As husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with a washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.

He that loveth his wife loveth himself, for no man ever yet heeded his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it even as the Lord the church. Colossians 3. I will read just one verse, that's verse 19. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Strange verse, isn't it? 1 Peter chapter 3. 1 Peter 3, verse 7. Likewise ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel. Not the weak vessel, but the weaker vessel. And as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.

And that's all I'd like to read. These verses have been impressed upon my mind lately, and I hope I can impress them upon the minds of every one of us. I'm not speaking to wives today, I'm speaking to husbands, and I include myself in that subject, because I need what I'm speaking about today.

I think that the most vital relationship on earth that can exist between two individuals is that of marriage. And I would suggest to you that not only is it very essential in many aspects of the word, but it's also God ordained. And dear brothers and sisters, let us not be taken in by the idea that is prevalent in the world that it's a man institution, or man instituted marriage.

God instituted marriage. And He has a standard for it. It's not defined by civil authorities, it's not defined by man's opinions, it is defined by the Word of God.

God ordained marriage. And we have it at the very beginning of our Bible. And so, being God ordained is no marvel to any one of us that it is under the attack of Satan, and Satan along with man has done so much to try to ruin it.

Marriages in our land are in shambles in many cases. I'm not saying that about Christian homes, but we have problems in our home as well. You know very well that in the world in which we live, in this country where we live, most children nowadays are raised in single-parent homes.

But marriage is very lightly thought about. And you and I as believers need to hold it highly and esteem it greatly, because it's that which is, of course, according to the will of God and is for the benefit of mankind. Let me give you four things in relation to the importance of marriage.

It's important, obviously, for God's order regarding procreation of the family. Continuation of the human race. That's what God intended, not the ruins that we see around us and the imitations of different relationships.

God intended for the human race to be procreated through the marriage relationship. Very important. And, of course, it's for the intention in that particular context that God wants children to be raised in a stable atmosphere, an environment of caring.

Not an environment where so many people like today's children don't even know who their fathers are. And if they do have fathers somewhere, they don't know where they are. God intends that a home should be that which is instituted and maintained by the common involvement of a husband and a wife laboring together harmoniously.

The second thing about it is it's a mutual relationship that tends to strengthen the individual, brings comfort to the heart, and brings an atmosphere of security to one another. A social aspect, an emotional aspect, that is very important. The third thing is, in a spiritual sense, it provides an atmosphere, an environment for the Holy Spirit of God to work so that children raised in such a place can be reached by the gospel and saved by God's grace.

Most of our families, most of those that are in assemblies today are from families that were in assemblies, or at least were Christian homes. I was looking at my wife's family, and I can speak a little bit about her family because she's not here maybe, but, you know, those parents or those who are parents of children in her family that are in the assembly or believers in Christ have believing children. That's a tremendously important thing.

Whereas the other ones that have no time for the gospel have unbelieving families. God desires our families to be raised in an atmosphere where the word of God will have its effect. Of course, ultimately, the fourth point is that it's a God-designed relationship that is intended to picture the relationship between Christ and the church.

God designed it that way. I believe that in fact of God's purpose in relation to marriage is this great purpose to show a picture of Christ and the church. So in this responsibility, the home and the family, both husband and wife, have what responsibilities? And both are clearly taught and emphatically taught in the Scripture, and both roles are essential for the proper function and maintenance of a Christian home.

But I want to speak about husbands. I don't want to talk about our wives. I want to talk about husbands.

Did I take it from the word of God that you and I, brother, are responsible to lead in every aspect of the world in our homes? Not dictate, but to lead. We're to be leaders, to take responsibility, to maintain a spiritual atmosphere of love and fellowship and agreement with our wives, dwell with them according to knowledge. And both, of course, have a role in this, and marriages can fail and marriages can be dissolved, and sadly they are.

Sometimes such disasters happen after many years of what seems like a harmonious relationship. But I want to speak to you about this aspect of our husbands because I want to dwell upon this little expression, husbands, love your wives. I heard some time ago, I read it, I'm not sure if I begged, borrowed, or stole this expression, but I like it, that the best thing that you and I can do for our children is to love their mother.

The best thing that you and I as fathers can do for our children is to love their mother. And you know there are many homes where love is a strange thing. It's almost like it's missing.

Sometimes you wonder if it's real at all. In some relationships, you see some homes and there's an electric tension between husband and wife. It shouldn't exist.

It's static. It shouldn't be that way. God intends that there should be a happy, harmonious relationship and in many respects it depends on your function and mine as well.

I just want to notice four things in these passages that we've read together. First of all, in Ezekiel, I want to think about this wife being the pleasure of his eyes, the husband's eyes. He says it's the delight of the eyes.

So I want to title that the pleasure of his eyes. That is what she was to him. In Ephesians chapter 5, we want to think about the pattern of his love.

And that is how he is to love her. In Colossians chapter 3, we have the prohibition of his severity. That is how he is not to behave toward her.

And the last one in 1 Peter chapter 3, participation in their home. In other words, in sharing home responsibilities. The first one, pleasure of his eyes.

What she was to him. Isn't this a remarkable expression the only time you find it in your Bible? The only insight into the whole life of the relationship between Ezekiel the prophet and his wife is that God says she's the delight of your eyes. And that suggests to me it's the word pleasure.

It's the idea that when he looked at her, she was the only one he was looking at. She was the one he was occupied with. He had no eyes for anybody else.

It's like we have, and I take it in 1 Peter chapter 3, for an elder is to be a man that has eyes for only his wife. This man looked at his wife and she was his attraction. She was desirable to his heart.

I don't even know how old she was. Doesn't tell us. Doesn't make any difference, brother, how old your wife is.

You say, well, she's not attractive as she used to be. Well, listen, just look in the mirror. She has to look at you, too.

And let me tell you the attraction of your eyes should not depend on physical qualities. You should appreciate the virtues and the way she's such a help and a blessing to you. So he had eyes for her alone, I take it, and for none other.

Strange experience that the Lord says that's going to happen. Your wife is going to suddenly die with a stroke and he didn't want him even to mourn for her. That was unnatural, but it was typical because Ezekiel, of course, was a sign to the people.

I'm just saying in this passage that you and I as husbands should have this kind of positive attraction for our wives. Listen, don't compare your wife with somebody else. You'll find plenty to compare her with me, but that's not right.

You keep your eyes on your wife. You promised before God to love her. You're responsible to do it.

And you don't have any excuses. Just keep your eyes on her. Don't let your eyes get wandering and find somebody else more interesting because that's what happens.

And we know recent cases of that nature. She used to be the object of your life that brings pleasure to your heart. Not always the case.

I'll go on to the second one, the pattern of his love. And that is how he is to love her. You know, it's an amazing thing to me that God doesn't give you and me the option of loving our wives.

It's a command. And God wants you and me to do it. You say, well, previous verses say the wife is to submit herself.

That's her problem, not yours. Your problem before God, my problem before God is to love your wife. And you and I don't say, well, if she were, or if this were the way, or if other things were to happen, I would do it.

No. You have to love your wife. And you have to do it all the time because that's in her present tense.

I wouldn't say, like one man I understood, he said, well, his wife was saying after a number of years of marriage, John, you never say you love me. He said, I said that once, so that's enough. If I ever change my mind, I'll let you know.

No, that's not the way it is. And I'm not too much concerned about whether you tell her you love her every day. The purpose is that you show it to her.

Because we don't need to realize, we don't need to read that Christ loved the church. We know He did by what He did and what He is still doing. So that we find in here that God is commanding you and me to love our wives.

But sometimes that's not always so easy, perhaps. When the little tension comes in, or there's a little problem comes in, and you say, well, well, you love your wife anyway. If she says something, you don't go off in a pout, and you say, well, I won't, no.

You have to love your wife. And that is a love that comes not from emotion. That is a love that comes from your determination to do it.

And to show it. Because God says to do it. And you know, if God could love you and me, and He could love the church when we were what we were, and we still are what we are, you and I can love our wives no matter what.

I just talked to Jack Seward recently, just the other day. And you know, Jack is a man, he likes to be active. He likes to be out involved in the work of the Lord.

And he's very frustrated right now. And you ought to pray for him, Brother Seward. Because he can't do a thing but take care of his wife.

He can't go off and leave her for a moment. He can't even go to a meeting next door because he can't leave her. He's tied right there to take care of Ellen.

Difficult, isn't it? But he determines to love her, and he's going to care for her until her dying day. And that's the display of love that doesn't change over the period of time. And that's what ought to be manifested in your life and mine.

Notice about this love. It indicates, of course, that that command that is being given to us is based on the highest standard of love. That is of Christ for the church.

And, Brother... I shouldn't say sister. Brother, I don't care how much you and I love our wives, we cannot ever attain to that standard. We can't rise to it.

We can't love our wives like Christ has loved the church. But we can seek to do so to the very best of our ability. You notice that we're to love our wives in this context, and I'll say this very briefly for time's sake.

That that love is to be an unreserving love. A love that holds nothing back. It's not a love that is saying, well, now, if she could only cook like my mother did, I'd love her more.

That has no part to play in it whatsoever. You didn't marry your mother. My mother-in-law could cook better than my wife, but I didn't marry her either.

I married my wife. And you don't have any reason to draw back or hold back or say, if she were this, then I would do that. No, you and I have a responsibility to love your wife, love my wife, unreservedly.

You say, well, there are problems that come in. Love her anyway. That's what you're supposed to do.

That's what tests the reality of your love. When the difficulties come in, when there's a little problem between us, sit down, because you love her. Lord Jesus Christ loved the church and held nothing back.

He gave everything for her. And He's still doing that unto Him who loveth us. And we find that He still loves the church.

And I'm amazed sometimes that He loves me at all. Not only an unreserving love, but it's also a sacrificial love. It's a love that costs.

It's a love that's willing to pay whatever has to be paid and do whatever has to be done. And you know, sacrificial love really gets very practical. That means you put your things aside to meet her needs.

You know, a lot of husbands don't realize the fact that when they get married, it's really not a matter of what they want to do anymore. It's how can they please their wives. That's what we read in 1 Corinthians 7. That the man that is married or the woman that is married has one object.

How can I please my husband or how can I please my wife? Well, I have my hobbies, and I have my friends, and I want to have a boat, and I want to go hunting, and I want to do all the things. Listen, your wife has to come first. I mean, the Lord comes first, of course, but after the Lord, there's your wife.

And you subdue and you subjugate your own personal desires. You sacrifice what you want to do for her well-being. Something's taking me about 45 years to learn.

It takes a while. You know, some of us are slow learners. About the time our marriage is almost done, we're just learning.

I don't know, but nevertheless, those are things that I wish I had learned early in life. Sacrificial. Giving yourself entirely for her and putting her interests and welfare ahead of your desires.

And doing whatever is possible to enhance her well-being and her blessing. Sacrificial. You're willing to give yourself for the benefit of the blessing of your wife? That's what you ought to do.

That's what God wants you to do. And you notice as well that it's a serving love. Christ is serving the church.

And in a real way, brethren, you and I lead in our homes by serving our wives. We serve them. We do everything possible to meet their need.

To provide security for them. To provide an atmosphere in which they're comfortable. You know, when they respond in a positive way to the leadership that you're providing for them.

So it's a serving love. We serve just like Christ is serving us. And I could develop that a lot more.

I'll leave it for the time's sake. But it's a promoting love as well I see in Ephesians chapter 5. That He might present it to Himself. And that word indicates a thought He's going to bring her right along Himself and display her.

Make her virtues known and show what has been produced in her. In other words, that others might appreciate the church. He's promoting her.

He's bringing her right into association with Himself. And you know, dear brethren, you and I, if we really love our wives like Christ loved the church, we're going to promote her. You ever speak bad about your wife when you're away from her? You ever talk about her faults? Well, maybe she talks about yours too.

I don't know. But you know, the best thing that we can do is to enhance the opinion of others in relation to our wives. They may not know them as well as you do.

But nevertheless, there are virtues in your wife that you and I need in each of our wives that we need to cultivate. That we need to come to appreciate what they are. You say, well, she's not quite what I'd like her to be.

Well, you married her. And maybe you married her because she's not like what you are. Really, we need a balance.

I tend to be one that pushes ahead. My wife holds me back. That's a good thing.

I might be a man that would like to spend a little money here and there. Well, she says, no, we don't really have to have that right now. She can hold you back.

You know, it's a wonderful thing that husbands and wives can balance each other as a very positive thing in any human relationship. So we have considered the virtues of our wife. Sometimes we can dwell upon the negative things.

Maybe there's things you don't think you like so well. That's all right. Whatsoever things are good, pure, honest, of good report, think on those things.

Occupy yourself and appreciate what she is. You know, many of us would have to acknowledge, I think most of us would acknowledge that we would never be what we are today if it were not for a good wife that supports and helps and works together with us. So we have the pattern of the love that you and I, if you study Ephesians chapter 5, it will help you to learn how to love your wife.

I'm going to quickly say something about prohibition against severity in Colossians 3. I would take it that the command to love your wife is the very opposite of being bitter against her. You can't be bitter against the person you're loving. I think it's very strange, and this is the other side of the coin, of course, because it has to do with the wife, but in the early days of the relationship between Michael and David, Michael loved David, and twice over you read about it, but later on we find that she despised him in her heart.

You know, brethren, you and I have to guard our attitude because what this is really telling me is that you and I as husbands are responsible to maintain an atmosphere at home and a relationship that is not marked by our bad attitude because you and I can't have a bad attitude. We can harbor grudges. Some husbands seem to harp on their wives continually.

I've heard them. They can be very critical. Be hard on them.

The idea of this word is being severe or harsh with our wife, and that may come in because of various reasons. It may be because you and I want our own way. We want to dictate, and if things don't come right into line the way we want them, we can be very bitter about it.

No, don't do that. That's not right. And, of course, we can have a dominating attitude and be demanding and show a lack of appreciation and continually blaming.

Now, listen, don't be bitter against your wife. Don't even harbor an attitude of bitterness in your heart. You love your wife, and be not bitter against her.

You know, the other aspect of it is that you can produce bitterness in her. That is to do things and to manifest a kind of a characteristic that makes her bitter against you. Now, he says, love your wives.

A prohibition against severity in the home. I'm going to have to stop to leave time at all for another brother, but I want to look at 1 Peter 3 and just say very quickly that the idea of 1 Peter 3 is that husbands make a home together with their wives. That is to work together.

You ever stop to think that a lot of husbands when it comes to the children in their dirty diapers, they hand them off to their wife. Hey, wait a minute. That's your child too.

You don't need to be a rocket scientist, so to speak, to learn how to change a diaper. I mean, men can do that. It's not demeaning.

Hold your nose and go and do it. Come on. You're going to make a home together with your wife.

I wake up very easily at night, and I get back to sleep very easily. At least I used to when I was young. And my wife takes a little while.

She might take a little while before she can get her eyes open. I don't know. When the baby would cry at night and want a bottle to have the diaper changed, I usually did it.

Because I could take care of that and be back to bed, and she wouldn't even know I'd been gone. I don't know why men think that their wives have to do everything for taking care of the children. Maybe your wife might want to sit in the meeting now and then instead of having to take the child out.

To house together, dwell together, sharing together in everything that is needed to fulfill that responsibility. You do it according to knowledge. Knowledge according to her needs.

Understanding her. Having tact and sensitivity. He says, giving honor.

That is the idea of putting a high price on her. That you value your wife. You don't use her.

She's not a rug to wipe your feet on. She's one to be valued and appreciated and to think highly of. I'm sure I'm speaking to men that they know more about that than even I do.

It seems like the longer you're married, the more you appreciate your wife. May God help us, brethren, to maintain in our homes that atmosphere that manifests and from the very beginning, younger believers here, love your wives. Most of the times you read about love and the relationship, it's to the husband to love his wife.

The wife to submit to her husband. Sorry I've taken so much time, but I trust that we'll get the idea that one of the tremendous testimonies for Christ in our world today is a Christian home that is established and maintained upon principles from the Word of God.