Regaining Your First Love For God

So we heard in the first session from Santosh about two wonderful examples of people in their youth one was Joseph and one was Mary and as Santosh and I were talking about this I also wanted to share about people who didn't have it quite the same way because when I look at my life even in my 20s I blew any chance to be compared to Joseph or to Mary. I'd messed up enough number of times to justify thinking that I could be like Joseph or I could be like Mary and one of the things that I had to learn to see was how do I get back? How do I return to the Lord? And that's one of the muscles that I feel is very important for us as Christians to have. We all want to have a pure devotion to the Lord but what do I do when I'm confronted with the reality that I'm not there and how do I get back? How do I get back my first love? What is the word? How do I get back my first love? It says I lost my first love. How do I get it back? And I don't know how you some of you are sitting here I know I'll tell you for myself I've been sitting here at this conference and there are definitely areas where the Lord has pointed out in my life where God says you're falling short. You're not where you ought to be. Like Nathan comes to David and say you're that man. Now I have to know how to get back. I need to know how to have Lord. I want to have a purity of love and a purity of devotion to you in the areas where you're pointing out flaws and if you're sitting here and you're hearing such strong truths I'm sure there's there are many of you who sit there thinking Lord there was a time I used to have a pure devotion to you. I don't have that anymore. What do I need to do to get back? That's a very common question. The first person I want to talk to is David. Now David you can talk about him both like Joseph and Mary but also we know that there are almost two parts of David's life. David was called a man after God's own heart. I don't know if you know that but that was when he was a little boy. That was in 1 Samuel 13. God told Samuel I think I'm going to find somebody after my own heart and he had David in mind. It says that the spirit of the Lord came upon him when he was a young boy before he killed Goliath. He was a talented musician who could drive evil spirits away. He was an incredibly brave man of faith. Back then before he even killed Goliath he used to kill lions and bears. He wrote some amazing psalms. This was his life. I mean you can talk about Joseph, you can talk about Mary, you could quite as well talk about David. But then when he was 50 years old he sinned by committing murder and adultery. In my notes whenever I talk about David I usually write about David and Bathsheba but in my notes I write down David sinned against Uriah and Bathsheba because poor Uriah, you know who Uriah is by the way? Bathsheba's husband. Nobody ever mentions him. That guy was a good guy, loyal to the king and David just killed him. So whenever I write my notes I said when David sinned against Uriah and Bathsheba I want to give Uriah some credit. I have a feeling he's in heaven. But you see after that what I was studying was after David sinned with Bathsheba you know what happened? He repented and Nathan came and said you are this man and David lost his firstborn son through Bathsheba and God gave him another son Solomon. But when I look at 2nd Samuel onward, that's in 2nd Samuel chapter 11 and then 12 and 2nd Samuel 12 is when Solomon is born. But then when I look at the life of Solomon David after that I see a very different David. I'll quickly if you want to turn with me to 2nd Samuel chapter 12 at the end of 2nd Samuel chapter 12 keep your fingers ready on your pages because we're going to just walk very quickly. Solomon is born in verse 24 then verse 26 he wraps up a war the rest of 2nd Samuel chapter 12. Then 2nd Samuel chapter 13 his son David's son Amnon commits rape and incest against his own sister Tamar and then another son of his Absalom kills his son. Two brothers, two sons of David kill each other. One killed one of them. That's 2nd Samuel 13. Then 2nd Samuel chapter 14 all the way through 18 David's fighting his own son Absalom. So if you keep going 2nd Samuel 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 chapter 18 Absalom is killed his own son. Then in 19 David is fighting is dealing with bickering among and arguments with his own people. 2nd Samuel chapter 20 there's another man called Sheba. He brings a worthless fellow is what it says 2nd Samuel chapter 20 verse 1. He starts a revolt and David has to put that down. 2nd Samuel chapter 21 David has to kill all of Saul's relatives. I mean this is just non-stop. 22, 23 is near the end of his life. There's no it's just a after that David just was dealing with problem after problem his own family has lack of rest and what I feel at least is that David just never never got back never recovered never recovered from that sin. Yes he was forgiven. Listen to me carefully brothers and sisters. Yes he was forgiven but he didn't get back his first love and I can relate with that because there have been many times that I've sat and I've understood the message of forgiveness but I know that I don't have that first love for God and I'm trying I'm saying Lord I'm sitting in the church I'm coming to the church but what what do I need to do to get back that love that fiery love that I had for you. I know I had it once no I have it a few different times I can think of the different occasions but Lord what do I need to grab it get it back and this is something that's happened over and over many times in my life that I've studied and I say Lord what is it what do I need to do to grab a hold of it and there's no fam formula but I've learned a few things from studying how God worked to these people and I don't know how many years David was wandering forgiven but not restored to intimacy with Jesus where Jesus was the only thing again so I hope this message of forgiveness is not something that's very difficult to accept but I want to go past that I hope you will grab a hold of forgiveness but there's a lot more than just forgiveness God's interested in salvation and restoration and the fullness of life with him and if we don't have that we're falling short and that's not God's plan that we remain in that but there's a deep work that has to be done and as you saw in David's life it took a long time year after year after year fight after fight and I don't know whether David was avoiding God or what I don't know all those details but I see that David got it before he died and that's shown to me in 2nd Samuel chapter 24 the last chapter of 2nd Samuel chapter 24 you see that he angers God see here again David's not right with God David's forgiven but there's just not that intimacy that you see that he just goes and does another error and the Lord's anger burns against David in 2nd Samuel chapter 24 verse 1 he chooses to go number the people this is a man who look how closely he knew the Lord but now it's different and David said again you look in verse 10 David says 2nd Samuel chapter 24 verse 10 I have sinned Lord please take away the iniquity look he knows what to do he knows to ask for forgiveness but he hasn't captured the heart of intimacy with God and you see that the prophet Gad in verse 13 tells him look I can give you three things in verse 13 you can either have seven years of famine three months with your foes or three days of pestilence what do you think which would you choose seven months three months three days if you use your common sense you probably say three days sounds like a good option the other thing is seven years is coming to you is seven years of famine the people will probably revolt against you three months where your enemies are pursuing you okay David on the run for three months that doesn't sound very convenient the last option is three days of pestilence David doesn't get affected he sits in his throne in Jerusalem everybody else gets affected he doesn't get affected three days of pestilence it's only three days so what does David choose still not yet grabbed hold of God still not intimate with God he says hurt other people don't hurt me let's choose the pestilence let's choose the way of comfort and that's exactly what he chose he chose the way of pestilence and so you see that again the angel of the Lord is stretched out from all the way from the top of Jerusalem verse 15 all the way to the bottom and what is it 70,000 men died then I see what the Lord showed me was in verse 17 2nd Samuel 24 verse 17 where it finally turns around for David where he says he finally hits rock bottom where he says in verse 17 behold it is I who have done wrong it is I who have sinned but these sheep what have they done let your hand be against me and against my father's house David was finally able to allow the sword of God's punishment to say God it has to come right at me I'm the one who deserves the full punishment for my sins and as I think about you know we hear a lot in the church and from my dad about being the least of the apostles being the least of the saints and being the chief of the sinners and for me I connected with this where I have more and more eyes of clarity to where I see that the sword of God's judgment should be pointed at me at nobody else nobody else in my family nobody else in the church nobody else in the world and I'm definitely not there definitely not there but that is how the Lord has been telling me Sandeep you want to restore your heart of first love of intimacy direct God's sword of judgment squarely at you and nobody else not your brother not your sister not your wife not your children not your family not the church family not your co-workers nobody keep repointing God's wrath judgment back to you because the great tendency in me is to point the judgment of God's sword to me plus others I want to fit other people in Lord it's not only me but can the sword go me plus my co-worker but actually it has to go to my co-worker first because he's the one who's really the one in bothering me I'm not bothering him can it go to my wife first because she's the one who instigated everything and I can always have this attitude of loyalty to God but it's really forgiveness and when I sin I can go to God and say God please forgive me but God is asking me to have this fundamental heart of repentance to where I see that the heart that the sword of God's judgment must point squarely at me that the Lord must take away every other excuse every other person in the problem that I have in the situation that I have this difficult family that I'm dealing with difficult parents difficult siblings difficult circumstances God says take them all away because you're trying to include them in your explanation of why you're acting a particular way and say God I want you to deal squarely with me I want the sword is on me let your hand be against me there's nobody else who has to take the blame and this is you know I was I was thinking I've been thinking about this a lot there's a difference between forgiveness asking for forgiveness and repenting and we can ask for forgiveness but we may not repent and the heart of repentance is this heart of repentance is to say Lord let the sword fall straight at me that's how I know I'm repenting of my sins rather than just asking for forgiveness of my sins it takes a humility and it takes a humbling of myself to ask for forgiveness but I've seen from my own life just because I ask for forgiveness doesn't mean I have repented and if I want to repent I have to go further and this is one of the things about going further towards repentance that I have to ask myself Lord am I willing to say direct it right at me and I see that the men of God who dealt close with God they had that attitude and Moses was in a similar situation like that now Moses didn't sin but whenever he saw the sins of the people you saw what Moses did right Moses kept saying no no no no don't direct your wrath at them God would say Moses I'll take care of I'll start a new race through you and Moses would be like no no no no God don't don't direct your wrath at them blot my name out not theirs for the honor of your name and I saw Jesus did that Jesus directed the wrath of God away from all of us to himself Paul did that Paul said I wish that for my Jewish brethren I could face the punishment in Romans 9 I see this about the men of God and the heart of God the women of God the people who are close to God the people who talk to God as if they're friends where that intimacy is there they're taking the wrath of God and say I'll take it and that's even when they're not sinning when other people are sinning but it starts when I sin and so in the areas of our lives where we do find ourselves falling short one of the things God is saying is for you to get set right with me there has to be true utter repentance there must be a longing and a zeal to take the sword of God's judgment and say it ought to come fully on me I think that's the heart between behind which we can sing that song that I was the vilest of sinners it's such a powerful word that to sing that and to say that meaningfully if I really really were to say Lord I'm the vilest of sinners that means Lord the wrath of your judgment the anger of your judgment should really fall full full force on me now we know that Jesus took it on our behalf but Jesus is the price he paid will cheapen its meaning when I think he was directing it at multiple people but when I see that the wrath of God's judgment is constantly directed at me and I've got narrow eyes to shut out all the other players in the story of why things are not going well in my life and I say God it's just me and I have no excuse for why I'm sinning there's no excuse there's no excuse for my anger towards my child no matter what the child does there's no excuse for my anger Lord and I have blinders towards everything else and I say God the full wrath of your anger has got to come to me that is when the sacrifice of Jesus that's when the fact that Jesus took my place and almost came in front of me and took the sword that was meant to me will be meaningful that's when I can you know it says we can come to Calvary but it's Calvary can be a not so meaningful experience if it's a group event but God's dying for many many people and God did die for the sins of the whole world we know that it's absolutely true but I need to have a personal interaction and a personal relationship with Calvary which means Jesus has to show me that it's just me and the sword's coming right at me and my household some of you maybe are not married those of you are married it's a can you can you say that just think about this saying this I have four children Ariana Caleb Eli and Noah 10 years old to three years old when I say God for my sins let that sword come on me and my wife and my children it's a sobering thought so you put your children's names and say wait wait hold on no no hurt me don't hurt my children but say no Lord my whole household has to suffer for these things that I'm doing and it sobers me because that's the impact of the sin and say no Lord not those other people direct the sword right at me finally I see David getting that heart to direct the sword right at him that's the very first point I want to make be absolutely ruthless with the sword of God's judgment point it towards you point Lord let's push the sword from pointing towards other people it's coming at me nobody else to blame but me yes Lord I asked for your forgiveness but I want deep complete repentance has the Lord convicted you of something in the last few days in the conference he has for me what is going to be my response take that sword where the Lord has pointed it and said you're falling short don't ask for forgiveness I hope you ask for forgiveness and you get it within seconds no problem but God's asking do you repent of it are you going to let the sword go all the way and direct it only at you and say Lord this sword ought to come on me and my family me and my family have to bear the shame of the sin that I did and the sins that I'm doing and my innocent children are going to have to bear the shame of what their father did but that's who deserves it I have to bear the responsibility I'm the head of this household and that's what I've been doing to dishonor your name and then we deal with God and that's when Calvary can become precious because that's when Jesus can reveal himself as our substitute and we can have a gratitude for him Calvary has to become personal that's what I see David doing David finally saw the judgment of God the sword and the angel of God and the sword extended and David said point it towards me I'm the one don't point it at anybody else nobody else ought to do it dear brothers dear sisters in the area where you seek if you're seeking to have a first love with God ask the Lord to search your heart and see where the Lord is saying I want you to do better I want you to aim higher I will ask the Lord to take take a full hundred percent responsibility for your sins hundred percent don't ask for forgiveness let's ask for much more than that say Lord your wrath ought to come towards me what happens if I lose my ministry because of that yes Lord what if everybody thinks that I dishonored your name I deserve that and more the sword must come towards me what if my children have to live with the shame of it the sword ought to come towards me this is what I deserve now I'm getting closer to true repentance dear brothers and sisters it's not complicated but the sword wants to go deep and you see in David's case he was 50 years old when he committed adultery but there were so many years where he just was wandering forgiven forgiven enjoying children but just tormented internally lost his intimacy with God I want to show you another story Esther turn with me to Esther chapter two Esther chapter two Esther is a Jewish woman and she was in Babylon and the king was looking for a new queen and Esther is chosen verse 18 it says that Esther was chosen let's see in Esther chapter 2 verse 20 Esther was chapter 2 verse 20 Esther had not yet made known her kindred or her people even as Mordecai had commanded her for Esther did what Mordecai told her as she had done when under his care what had Esther done Esther had married a man she shouldn't have married she married a heathen man Moses the law of Moses clearly forbade it don't marry heathen men what did Esther do Esther listened to her uncle I think it's her uncle Mordecai Esther lived in the same country that Daniel lived in Esther lived a couple of generations after Daniel and Shadrach and Meshach and Abednego Esther's probably Daniel were maybe Esther's grandfather's age I'm sure Esther knew about Daniel I'm sure she heard the stories about Daniel Daniel was a famous man in Babylon sure she heard about Shadrach Meshach and Abednego how could you not three men were thrown in the fire and didn't get burnt I'm sure she heard about the story of Shadrach Meshach and Abednego who said even if you throw me into the fire we will not bow down to that idol but here was Esther under the care of her uncle her parents may have died and she decided to obey her uncle generally it's okay but she disobeyed God and she had examples like Daniel and Shadrach and Meshach and Abednego said you shouldn't be marrying those kind of people and she had examples of people who are willing to be burnt alive then disobey God I don't know the culture in there but I sometimes women are that way they don't have a lot of rights women don't have a lot of say and maybe she felt helpless some of us may be living with the consequences of obeying our heathen parents some of us maybe who are married maybe got married to somebody who you didn't want to get married to because you obeyed your parents and you wanted to honor them singles let this be a warning for us while we're still single but here's Esther she's married disobeyed God let's be very clear about this she disobeyed God because she listened to her uncle Mordecai so she's Esther sitting with the shame of sin under her she's sitting with the shame of her past actions she can't undo that decision she's now married to that man and so what does she do she just accepts her faith here I am married to a Babylonian man who's gonna be like king but inside she's not happy she's dishonored God and so she just settles for this life seems like a good outward life queen pampered in every way but inside I believe she knew she had disobeyed God she was a living the life of a compromiser again God's trying to tug at every single person trying to say have a first love for me and no matter what the situation is you had David who fell into deep deep deep sin after once having a first love and here's Esther maybe for circumstances about her beyond her control she's now in a situation where she's compromising Esther chapter 4 we see I see at least where the turnaround happens this is when Haman has created a plot to kill all the Jews and Mordecai sends a message to Esther in verse 7 Esther sends somebody out to Mordecai to find out what happened and then Mordecai sends a message back saying Esther this is what's going to happen they're going to kill all the Jews and Esther in verse 11 says Esther chapter 4 verse 11 all the king's servants and the people of the king's provinces know that for any man or woman who comes to the king who's not summoned they can be put to death so I can't go to the king and beg for the jews lives verse 13 Mordecai says to Esther do not imagine that you in the king's palace can escape any more than all the other jews for if you remain silent at this time relief and deliverance will arise for the jews from another place and you and your father's house will perish and who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this who knows whether you have not attained royalty who knows why you didn't get put in this situation disobeying god now in this situation who knows that god didn't allow you to get all this to it just for this situation now and second corinthians 6 says now is the time of salvation now is the appointed time today is the day of salvation and dear brothers and sisters god's asking us today god's brought you through all those circumstances circumstances some through your own doing maybe some through other circumstances parents uncles relatives taking into difficult situations and now you're here taking loans and you don't know how to repay it gotten associated with somebody and don't know how to get out of it all kinds of different things like that and the word of the lord is saying to you too who knows whether the lord allowed you to get all the way to this point for a time such as this and to me that was a word of liberation to esther because esther was saying okay i can change now it's not too late i can change now and that's the message dear brothers and sisters i want to give to each one of you you can change now now now now now is the time you need to change i can explain you can tell me all the different bad decisions you've made from this point to that point at this point and how this relative hurt you this way and how this co-worker hurt you this way and how this loan didn't work out this way and this business didn't work out this way all kinds of stories david's stories you can tell me you can tell me esther's stories your fault not other fault here you are now and the message is god brought you all the way through here now god's been watching you the whole time as we heard the previous sermon he's been watching you now but he's saying now is the appointed time and i now is the time to act now is the time to do something and we see what esther did i don't know what happened but you see a different esther from now on i mean if you read the book of esther i see a very different esther i see i saw a passive esther before and then i see a woman of action in esther 4 15 onwards she was like you know as i said in verse 13 i don't know this this explanation this excuse but now she knows what she ought to do she says go assemble all the jews and we're gonna fast i'm not going to go do something first of all i know i need to go talk to the king but i'm going to go fast for three days first i'm going to first reverence god i'm going to set things right with god first get alone with god and whatever fast looks like skip a meal wake up a little bit earlier and be with god and say god fill me with your holy spirit because i need to be bold now i need to take some steps i need to take some radical steps i need to repent this is a woman this is not some big tough man slaying giant here this is a woman who had been passive all of her life listening to her mordecai even got into trouble marrying a heathen woman then god said but then the esther says no now i'm gonna fast i'm gonna see god there's no magic formula to fasting so don't think it's all about fasting or anything it's about being with god and it's about reverencing god first she knows she's the queen but she knows she needs to talk to the king of heaven first before she talks to any babylonian king the fate of everything else can wait but lord i need to get right with you first then you see what she says in verse 16 i and my maidens also will fast in the same way verse 16 the second half and then and thus i will go to the king as a woman who's been fasting for three days a woman who has said i don't care about food i don't care about all drink i'm gonna fast and i may look haggard i may look weak i'm not here to impress the queen i'm not here to impress the king with my beauty i'm gonna have the favor of god on me first and then i'm gonna go to the king which is against the law and if i perish i perish i don't care anymore i'm not disobeying god anymore i'm gonna own what i am i'm a christian i'm a child of the living god and i want to share this truth and this thought to a lot of us who grow up who grow who have grown up in the church or who have gotten used to a church like cfc there that we need to have this attitude if i perish i perish but i'm against you and dear young people i'll tell you something i learned from my mistake because i grew up in cfc i didn't realize that there must be a fundamental enmity between me and the world system the world i grew up in cfc and we were protected and there's a cocoon and there's a wonderful covering but there's a lot of this world the heathen world and the religious world that slips in through music through the mindset through christian music to the way music is done in the church the way church is done through many different things that i have the only way i will be protected is not that if i stop listening to everything and i'm not i'm not saying any of that but i'm asking to preserve and to maintain a fundamental enmity with the world system i want to give you this verse that i gave to the youth in tamilnadu as well james chapter 4 verse 4 this dear young people is why i struggled in my 20s and i will tell you dear young people that you too will struggle in your 20s if this is not fundamentally established james chapter 4 verse 4 you adulteresses do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward god whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of god in the amplified bible it says whoever chooses to be a friend of the world takes his stand as an enemy of god when i choose to be friendly with the world i'm taking my stand god you're on that side i'm on this side i'm your enemy i'm telling god god i'm your enemy i hate you it's it's it feels it feels hard to even let that come out of my mouth but what does it mean to be an enemy it means to say i hate you i am against you and i'll tell you this i didn't see this when i was friendly with the world when i allowed a little bit of the world to come in i didn't realize that what i was telling god was god i hate you and because i was protected by the church because i was protected by csc and different things i i thought the world was this cute little cat didn't realize it was a lion and so i fooled around with cats and got bit again and again because the i didn't realize and what a slap in the face i was saying to god when i told him god friendship with this world in the way i dressed in the way i thought or what was important in the way i looked at money just ask yourself what do you think about money are you friendly with the world's view of money and i see how much i'm allowing these lions in and it comes in through many different ways and i i've noticed this in even at nccf there's some folks in our church and i i've noticed this even i think as i've interacted with some of you some people come from hindu backgrounds or very staunch other religions i've seen some of the folks at nccf who've come from just heathen life they didn't know anything about god they lived in the world when they come to the lord and when they come to the church there's a different attitude they have towards the world different from mine too because that's how they've convicted me because i've seen i was talking to one of the brothers at nccf who came from the world and i asked him hey there's so much pleasures in this world do you ever miss those days and he told me something if you don't know how lost i was if you knew how pathetic my life was with all those pleasures and you know what a difference christ has made i'll never go back he wasn't boasting he wasn't boasting that's what i loved about it he was just being honest he just had seen how evil and how different christ was from the world and i i've noticed that in myself i don't see that all the time there's so many things about the world that is so close to me can i watch this movie can i watch that movie can i listen to this song can i listen to that song and i was always trying to find the fine line i'm not asking to throw out any music i'm not asking to throw out any smooth movie or anything it's none of it's not my interest but what the lord has been convicting me about is suddenly you have to have a strong hatred for this world system because you get too close to this world system you're going to be saying god i hate you that's what i got out of james chapter 4 another verse 2nd corinthians chapter 4 verse 3 see this is the difference between the world and me and i want to ask you is this difference clear 2nd corinthians chapter 4 verse 3 and 4 if our gospel is veiled the gospel that jesus is my savior it's veiled to those who are perishing because the god of this world this world system has blinded them from seeing the beauty about jesus that's what it says in 2nd corinthians chapter 4 verse 4 the glory of jesus the beauty of jesus who can't see the beauty of jesus people who've been blinded by the god of this world so if i'm a christian i have not been blinded there's a fundamental difference between the world and me the world is blinded that's why they don't see jesus that's why they're caught up with all these other things of looks and money and music and getting ahead and career and all those things but i'm not blinded that's what i'm saying i'm like i'm a christian so i'm not blinded god's taken away that blind so what am i seeing i'm seeing the beauty of jesus and james is saying when you say you see the beauty of jesus but then you're friendly with the world you're fooling yourself you can't be friendly with the world those guys are blinded they got blindfolds on they're bumping into every chair and they're hurting themselves everywhere they go yeah they're blinded what's why you bumping all over and falling every time in this way in that way have you not seen the beauty of jesus no lord i haven't seen the beauty of jesus that's my problem i claim i'm a christian i claim that i'm not blinded he's blinded but i i had to take this this word at truth lord my my my heathen my unconverted friend family whatever it is the difference between them and me is this they're blinded i'm not how should i expect them to have the same values i do they're going around like this because they're blind i'm not like that you took off the veil i see you there's no reason to go bumping around and looking at all these other things i see you but lord here's the problem i don't see you i'm too cozy with those friends i'm too cozy with this mindset of the world and i'm not talking just about world worldly friends that could be the problem too it's a worldly mindset i'm not preaching at you i'm seeing telling you what the lord has been convicting me of i see patterns of the worldly mindset in my life and god is convicting me through the saying are you blind are you blindfolded too are you acting like somebody who's seen the light why are you running after these things then why are you attracted by these things why are you bothered by the way those people act towards you they're blinded you're not act like somebody who's gotten the blindfolds ask god to show you the light of the beauty of jesus so that everything else will go more and more dim god took the israelites from egypt to to the promised land when god took him through the red sea he did it miraculously and one corinthians 10 says that's a picture of baptism dear brothers and sisters if we've taken baptism that's what we're saying done done with egypt done done with this world system done never to go back the red sea opens up i go through i've done the red sea closes back up and all my enemies are killed done all the enemies of egypt there's no going back that's what baptism ought to be a fundamental separation from the world and we have to ask ourselves dear brothers and sisters whether that is still true in our lives i it was true in my life i was done with this world system but i see it keeping on creeping in constantly creeping back in healthy living the next diet sounds very good oh i want to use my body for jesus no you just want to look good money promotions oh that'll be the way god shows that i god's blessed me no you just want more money you just want an easier life you want an anxiety free life you don't want to depend on him these are the things that the lord has been showing me and saying look you still love the world system sandeep you got baptized many years ago continue to proclaim that you hate the world system you said that when you were 17 years old now you're 44 you still hate the world system you still hate the fact that you were blinded and now you've the blindfolds have been removed stand up today and proclaim what you proclaimed on your baptism day lord jesus i hate the world system i'm going to prove it in my life i'm going to prove it in my values i'm going to prove it and how i raise my children i'm going to prove it and how i live every day for work how i live at home lord i hate the world system i hate egypt otherwise i'm saying god i hate you because that's the alternative and i don't want to say that so lord i want to renew my commitment that i hate the world system as the israelites were going from egypt to the promised land the israelites complained many times complained many times but there was only one time when the israelites said i want to and elect a new leader and go back to egypt only one time they complained about manna they complained about lack of water they put a golden calf but only one time did they say we want to appoint another leader and go back to egypt that's when they saw the giants and they came back and caleb and joshua said it's a good land we can fight the giants and they mourned all night i think it says numbers 14 and then they said let's appoint a new leader and go back to egypt and you see what the attitude of joshua and caleb or joshua and caleb tore their clothes and i i learned from that lord i want to have the spirit of caleb i named my boy caleb because i liked that i i was blessed by him but what does that mean if i love that name caleb if i if i value the spirit of caleb that means that i tear my clothes when the thought comes into me that you got to go back to egypt when i'm attracted by the world system i've got to tear my clothes in my spirit and say may it never be i'm a man of faith i'm not scared of this giant or that giant or whatever the next giant's coming around but lord i will never go back to egypt i may have to spend more few few more years in the wilderness but i am not going back to egypt i hate this world system dear young people i hope that we will renew that and it may be difficult for some of us who've grown up in csc to see how evil this world system is how corrupt so many church systems are producing good music and we're listening to all of these music sounding all the right words but underneath that system that's producing their music it's just corrupt prosperity preaching half-hearted living music leaders who are giving up on their faith don't have much of a faith but they know how to say the right words to sell a lot of records and so i listen to it because i love the world system secretly and i'm not going in the direction of these saints who are in front of me here who we heard speak from the pulpit the last couple of days i'm not don't have a zeal for god i don't want a continual burning where judgment is constantly happening on me where the sword's constantly happening on me no no let me be affirmed about the love of god and the grace of god dear brothers and sisters i hope that we will be like esther if i perish i perish i'm done done with this world system i don't care how long i live i don't care what the consequences are but i'm with god's people and i'm against this world system i want to share with you what happened after that you know this passage let me show you first david the passages was in second samuel 24 but that same passage is also by the way there are two stories of david repeated one is in second samuel chapter 24 but the other one is in one chronicles chapter 21 to turn with me to one chronicles chapter 21 it's the exact same story repeated in one chronicles chapter 21 because the reason i'm taking to one chronicles is because in second samuel 24 that's the last chapter but one chronicles 21 there are more chapters after that so it tells me what david did after that and that's where i know that david got his heart restored i know that david got back his first love because you see after that one chronicles chapter 21 we see the same story where he numbered the people god was angry about him with david and then at the end of the day you see that he built an altar and offered a sacrifice in verse 26 you see in one chronicles 21 verse 26 he offered burnt offerings which is our body is a living sacrifice and you see what happens the lord answered with fire can you imagine that scene david offering a fire coming down from heaven a fresh infilling of the holy spirit so i read it but then what i wanted to point out was what happens in one chronicles 22 from one chronicles 22 onwards i see that david is focused on one thing and one thing alone and that is building the temple god had told him you can't build the temple but you see all he did was he starts talking about all the ways in which the temple is going to be built and all the different officers and the different duties of the treasures offerings for the temple all the way to one chronicles 29 and then he dies and this is what the lord was telling me i want to restore you to your first love and you'll know it because you'll risk you'll regain your burden for the body of christ you'll regain your burden for your body to be a holy temple a pure temple for the lord that's what you're after dear brothers and sisters that's what we're after a burning passion that our bodies and churches will be pure pure testimonies for the lord and you can't manufacture that you can say you want to have it you can write it on your phone you can keep repeating it it won't happen but when the lord sees that we turn around like david did and say lord point those the sword right at me and when we say i have a fundamental hatred for the world system and i'm determining it then what the lord gives us is a passion to build a holy place for him our desire for holiness rises up and we seek to build the body of christ too we want it in other people too we have a longing that our brothers and sisters may also be holy temples we're not interested in lots of friends having a good time and just going out and having good meals and talking about this and that and having bible study every now and then we have a burden for the for purity in our inner lives as well as in the church dear brothers and sisters that's how i will know that i have gotten back my first love this is what the lord has been telling me you will know no doubt about it you want to know if you have your first love very simple you have a burden for god's temple your body is the temple of the holy spirit it ought to be pure it ought to be holy is there a burden there if you don't have that burden you don't have your first love and say lord renew it renew that heart in me what have i not surrendered where is the sword of judgment not pointing squarely of me where am i giving some kind of excuse i'll know it lord because it won't be a note that is a reminder every day for me be holy it'll be a burden it'll be a natural instinct lord i want to be holy and i want to build your body i want others to be holy too i want to build your temple and i see this in esther too you know i i saw something interesting i hope i can't prove this to you but i think this is true you know um i have a daughter and three boys and i was telling my daughter a story one time and she said i told her let me tell you a story from the bible and she interrupted me and said daddy is this a story about a girl or a boy because 99 of the stories i know are that are in the bible are all stories about boys but it told me hey where's the story about women because when i think about david i'm a girl so i've tried to find little little things about women too as well gifts for my daughter and for the sisters in the church but esther too you know it says about esther that the name the word god is not written in the whole book of esther so some people have said well you know that's a little bit of a way of saying that god was never really happy with esther in the way because she married a heathen king or something i don't know i don't know the reason why the name god is the word god is not mentioned in the whole book of esther i don't know god has blessed me by reading esther 4 and seeing that statement of esther if i perish i perish i'm going this way now i see a different esther now but i i see a beautiful quote-unquote completion of the story for me in nehemiah chapter 2 we know the story of nehemiah nehemiah was maybe living 30 40 years after the story of esther so we know the story of nehemiah where he hears the story of the the people come back from jerusalem and say the walls are torn down and he prays to god in nehemiah chapter 1 and then he goes to the king in nehemiah chapter 2 and he says in verse 2 why is your face sad so why is your face sad and in verse 3 nehemiah says let the king live forever why should my face not be sad when the city jerusalem lies desolate and its gaze has been consumed by fire then the king said to me what would you request and nehemiah says in verse 4 so i prayed to the god of heaven i said to the king if it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor before you send me to judah that i may rebuild it that i may rebuild jerusalem the temple of god the city of god and this blessed me in verse 6 then the king said to me the queen sitting beside him who's the queen some people say it's esther it was the queen wasn't allowed to be there but it could have been this king's queen mother this could have been the queen mother is what some people are saying but it blessed me to see how esther could have also helped build the body of christ helped to build jerusalem here's a heathen king who had no need to have burden for some city called jerusalem but the queen mother was there god placed the queen mother and from a timing standpoint it definitely seems like esther could have been there esther made a horrible choice marrying the wrong man but she made a decision if i perish i perish i'm with the people of god but what's her hope to build the body of christ she got her chance whether it's true or not i don't know 100 but i believe it's a message of hope man or woman no matter what your past situation is god can build in us a burden to build the body of christ and we may not get to do it but we may influence somebody to do it and our children may be influenced to get the right churches to be built we'll raise our children even if we've made mistakes we'll raise our children saying don't make the same mistakes i did don't marry the kind of man i married don't marry the kind of woman i married do it differently be there for the people of god help the people of god be sold out for jesus we can do that and so dear brothers and sisters no matter how your past has been no matter what bad decision you made that you can't get out of queen esther couldn't get out of that marriage but she was sitting there at the right time when nehemiah came crying and said please let me go and the cup bearer was a very important position because this is the person who tested the drink before it came to the king because a lot of people would try to kill the king by putting poison in the drink so it was a very important position because if you could get to the cup bearer you could get to the king you could slip some poison into the cup bearers and if you bribe the cup bearer you could poison the king but the king said go nehemiah i know you're my trustworthy person will protect me from death but god placed the queen mother queen esther there at the right time that's the message of hope for me that god can take you in the situation have you compromised are you in a situation that's really bad because of your work god can start turning things around now who says you weren't appointed for a time like this such as now but now i'm going to make a decision lord i'm not with this world anymore i am making a fundamental agreement with you that i hate the world system and i'm going to watch for the world system to come in through its entertainment through its pleasures through its psychology and all the things we've been taught about here and lord i'm going to make the godly my heroes and i'm going to go running after purity in my inner life and i'm going to seek to build your kingdom i'm going to seek to have a holy temple every day lord restore my first love for you then god can give us reset us to be like joseph st mary's again lord i'm your bond slave again do according to you according to your word do do to me according to your word god can make our hearts soft again where they have been stony where they become they become harder god can restore it i want to increase my hatred for the world system i don't hate the world people but i i want to hate the world system i want to see that i'm an enemy of it and dear brothers and sisters don't be fooled by all the attractions of the world that even comes in through the christian world what's wrong with this what's wrong with that you shouldn't judge other people don't judge anybody of course not don't judge anybody else but don't be friendly with the world system don't you know that friendship with the world is enmity with god don't you know that when you're friendly with the world you're sticking your stand against god and saying god i'm your enemy that's what james is saying don't you know that the world has been blinded and god took away the blindfolds lord show me the light of jesus christ i want to see that i want to see the fresh let us make our home at calvary and don't take anybody with you you can't don't take your co-workers bothering you don't take your spouse who's not treating you right don't take your parents who are not treating you right don't take your siblings and your brothers and your sisters go alone to calvary and say lord the the sword's pointing right at me i need i need you i need to see you lord as taking my place and you taking the full force of god's judgment towards me it was meant to be at me but you took it restore to me lord that personal personal relationship between you and me and lord keep me there keep me to where to where that sword is directed solely at me in our church we like to have a chance to respond and it's too difficult for everybody to respond i know you're all responding in your hearts and let's proclaim my enmity to the world and our loyalty to jesus christ