Confessions - Book IV - Chapter II
St. Augustine reflects on his youthful struggles with vanity, lust, and misguided teaching, revealing God's patient guidance toward true faith and repentance.
In this reflective sermon, St. Augustine candidly recounts his youthful years marked by moral struggles, teaching rhetoric for personal gain, and a complex relationship outside of marriage. He reveals the tension between worldly desires and spiritual truth, highlighting God's patient and guiding presence throughout his journey. This biographical message offers profound insights into repentance, human weakness, and divine grace.
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2. During those years I taught the art of rhetoric. Conquered by the desire for gain, I offered for sale speaking skills with which to conquer others. And yet, O Lord, thou knowest that I really preferred to have honest scholars (or what were esteemed as such) and, without tricks of speech, I taught these scholars the tricks of speech--not to be used against the life of the innocent, but sometimes to save the life of a guilty man. And thou, O God, didst see me from afar, stumbling on that slippery path and sending out some flashes of fidelity amid much smoke--guiding those who loved vanity and sought after lying,[85] being myself their companion.
In those years I had a mistress, to whom I was not joined in lawful marriage. She was a woman I had discovered in my wayward passion, void as it was of understanding, yet she was the only one; and I remained faithful to her and with her I discovered, by my own experience, what a great difference there is between the restraint of the marriage bond contracted with a view to having children and the compact of a lustful love, where children are born against the parents\\
Sermon Outline
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I. Early Life and Teaching
- Taught rhetoric motivated by desire for gain
- Used speech skills to influence others
- Struggled with moral ambiguity in teaching
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II. Personal Struggles with Lust
- Maintained a mistress outside of marriage
- Experienced the emptiness of lustful love
- Contrasted lust with the sanctity of marriage
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III. Divine Guidance and Reflection
- God observed his flawed path from afar
- Recognized moments of fidelity amid sin
- Acknowledged God's patient guidance toward repentance
Key Quotes
“Conquered by the desire for gain, I offered for sale speaking skills with which to conquer others.” — St. Augustine
“I remained faithful to her and with her I discovered, by my own experience, what a great difference there is between the restraint of the marriage bond and the compact of a lustful love.” — St. Augustine
“Thou knowest that I really preferred to have honest scholars and, without tricks of speech, I taught these scholars the tricks of speech--not to be used against the life of the innocent.” — St. Augustine
Application Points
- Examine personal motives to ensure actions align with integrity and faith.
- Recognize the emptiness of lustful love and seek the sanctity of committed relationships.
- Trust in God's patient guidance even when struggling with moral failures.
Frequently Asked Questions
What was St. Augustine's profession during this period?
He taught the art of rhetoric, focusing on speaking skills.
Why did Augustine struggle with his teaching?
He was motivated by gain and sometimes taught tricks of speech that could harm the innocent.
What was Augustine's relationship status at this time?
He had a mistress with whom he was not lawfully married.
How does Augustine describe lustful love?
As void of understanding and fundamentally different from the restraint and purpose of marriage.
What role does God play in Augustine's narrative?
God watches from afar, guiding and showing patience despite Augustine's failings.