Confessions - Book Viii - Chapter Vii
St. Augustine reflects on the transformative power of divine self-examination that reveals human sinfulness and leads to repentance and spiritual renewal.
In this deeply personal sermon, St. Augustine recounts the moment of divine confrontation that led him to a profound self-examination and recognition of his sinfulness. Through the story told by Ponticianus, Augustine reveals how God’s grace compelled him to face his true self, leading to repentance and the beginning of his spiritual transformation. This sermon offers timeless insight into the struggle of the human heart and the power of God’s redeeming love.
Text
16. Such was the story Ponticianus told. But while he was speaking, thou, O Lord, turned me toward myself, taking me from behind my back, where I had put myself while unwilling to exercise self-scrutiny. And now thou didst set me face to face with myself, that I might see how ugly I was, and how crooked and sordid, bespotted and ulcerous. And I looked and I loathed myself; but whither to fly from myself I could not discover. And if I sought to turn my gaze away from myself, he would continue his narrative, and thou wouldst oppose me to myself and thrust me before my own eyes that I might discover my iniquity and hate it. I had known it, but acted as though I knew it not--I winked at it and forgot it.
17. But now, the more ardently I loved those whose wholesome affections I heard reported--that they had given themselves up wholly to thee to be cured--the more did I abhor myself when compared with them. For many of my years--perhaps twelve--had passed away since my nineteenth, when, upon the reading of Cicero\\
Sermon Outline
-
I. The Call to Self-Examination
- Ponticianus’ story prompts introspection
- God turns Augustine to face his true self
- Initial loathing and recognition of sin
-
II. The Reality of Human Sinfulness
- Acknowledging inner ugliness and corruption
- The struggle to flee from oneself
- The persistence of God’s confrontation
-
III. The Contrast with the Righteous
- Love for those wholly given to God
- Abhorrence of self in comparison
- The awakening to true repentance
-
IV. The Beginning of Spiritual Renewal
- Memory of past years wasted
- The influence of scripture and grace
- The journey toward conversion
Key Quotes
“But now thou didst set me face to face with myself, that I might see how ugly I was, and how crooked and sordid, bespotted and ulcerous.” — St. Augustine
“I looked and I loathed myself; but whither to fly from myself I could not discover.” — St. Augustine
“If I sought to turn my gaze away from myself, he would continue his narrative, and thou wouldst oppose me to myself and thrust me before my own eyes that I might discover my iniquity and hate it.” — St. Augustine
Application Points
- Regularly engage in honest self-examination to recognize areas needing repentance.
- Allow God’s grace to confront and transform your heart despite discomfort.
- Compare your life to the example of the righteous to inspire spiritual growth.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who is Ponticianus in Augustine’s story?
Ponticianus is a friend whose story about Christians inspired Augustine to reflect deeply on his own life and sinfulness.
What does Augustine mean by being 'set face to face with myself'?
He describes a divine moment of self-awareness where God reveals his true sinful nature, prompting repentance.
Why does Augustine loathe himself?
Because he recognizes his sinfulness and moral corruption when compared to those who have fully surrendered to God.
How does this sermon relate to the theme of repentance?
It illustrates the painful yet necessary process of recognizing sin and turning toward God for healing.
What role does divine grace play in Augustine’s transformation?
Grace is the enabling power that confronts Augustine and leads him from self-loathing to spiritual renewal.