Confessions - Book Viii - Chapter Xii
St. Augustine reveals his profound spiritual struggle and the transformative moment of divine guidance that led him from despair to conversion.
In this deeply personal sermon, St. Augustine recounts his intense spiritual anguish and the pivotal moment when a divine voice urged him to read Scripture, leading to his transformation. He shares the raw emotions of repentance and the profound impact of God’s guidance in his journey toward faith. This sermon offers insight into the power of divine intervention and the importance of obedience to God’s call.
Text
28. Now when deep reflection had drawn up out of the secret depths of my soul all my misery and had heaped it up before the sight of my heart, there arose a mighty storm, accompanied by a mighty rain of tears. That I might give way fully to my tears and lamentations, I stole away from Alypius, for it seemed to me that solitude was more appropriate for the business of weeping. I went far enough away that I could feel that even his presence was no restraint upon me. This was the way I felt at the time, and he realized it. I suppose I had said something before I started up and he noticed that the sound of my voice was choked with weeping. And so he stayed alone, where we had been sitting together, greatly astonished. I flung myself down under a fig tree--how I know not--and gave free course to my tears. The streams of my eyes gushed out an acceptable sacrifice to thee. And, not indeed in these words, but to this effect, I cried to thee: \"And thou, O Lord, how long? How long, O Lord? Wilt thou be angry forever? Oh, remember not against us our former iniquities.\"[259] For I felt that I was still enthralled by them. I sent up these sorrowful cries: \"How long, how long? Tomorrow and tomorrow? Why not now? Why not this very hour make an end to my uncleanness?\"
29. I was saying these things and weeping in the most bitter contrition of my heart, when suddenly I heard the voice of a boy or a girl I know not which--coming from the neighboring house, chanting over and over again, \"Pick it up, read it; pick it up, read it.\"[260] Immediately I ceased weeping and began most earnestly to think whether it was usual for children in some kind of game to sing such a song, but I could not remember ever having heard the like. So, damming the torrent of my tears, I got to my feet, for I could not but think that this was a divine command to open the Bible and read the first passage I should light upon. For I had heard[261] how Anthony, accidentally coming into church while the gospel was being read, received the admonition as if what was read had been addressed to him: \"Go and sell what you have and give it to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come and follow me.\"[262] By such an oracle he was forthwith converted to thee.
So I quickly returned to the bench where Alypius was sitting, for there I had put down the apostle\\
Sermon Outline
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I
- Augustine’s deep inner turmoil and sorrow
- Seeking solitude for honest lamentation
- The outpouring of tears as a sacrifice to God
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II
- The divine interruption through a mysterious child’s voice
- The command to 'Pick it up, read it' as a spiritual oracle
- Reflection on the story of Anthony’s conversion
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III
- Augustine’s decision to obey the divine command
- Returning to read the Scriptures with Alypius
- The beginning of Augustine’s transformation
Key Quotes
“The streams of my eyes gushed out an acceptable sacrifice to thee.” — St. Augustine
“And thou, O Lord, how long? How long, O Lord? Wilt thou be angry forever?” — St. Augustine
“Pick it up, read it; pick it up, read it.” — St. Augustine
Application Points
- Embrace moments of sorrow as opportunities for sincere repentance before God.
- Be attentive to God’s subtle prompts and be willing to obey His guidance immediately.
- Seek solitude when necessary to fully engage in honest prayer and reflection.
Frequently Asked Questions
What caused Augustine’s deep sorrow in this passage?
Augustine was overwhelmed by the awareness of his sins and his longing for cleansing and forgiveness.
What is the significance of the child’s voice saying 'Pick it up, read it'?
It represents a divine prompt that directs Augustine to open Scripture and find guidance for his conversion.
Who is Alypius mentioned in the sermon?
Alypius was a close friend and companion of Augustine who witnessed his spiritual struggle.
How does Augustine describe his tears?
He describes them as an acceptable sacrifice to God, expressing deep contrition.
What biblical story influenced Augustine’s response to the divine command?
The story of Anthony, who converted after hearing the gospel message to sell his possessions and follow Christ.