https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcclDdETj1w

Click here to listen.

 

“Sorry, we cannot help you. It would be too humbling,” the pastor replied bluntly in response to Amy’s question. Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India in the early 1900s, was trying to find Christian women who could assist her in caring for the many needy babies and children that had been brought to her doorstep. She had written to many pastors and Christians in her area, asking whether anyone would be willing to work alongside her. In essence, they all said the same thing, “That kind of work is too lowly. We have more important things to invest our time into.”

Though she was disappointed at their response, Amy could relate to the sentiment they were expressing. During her first few years in India she’d had the opportunity to reach thousands of people, traveling and speaking at Christian meetings across the country. As a gifted speaker and evangelist, Amy could have made a name for herself and gained honor and respect from Christians in India and England alike. But at the same time, helpless babies and children had begun to show up at Amy’s door. She was soon faced with the choice between evangelistic touring and staying home to change diapers and rock children to sleep.

Many Christians felt that caring for babies was too degrading a job for someone like Amy. They told her she was wasting her talent and her life. She was giving up fame, honor, and large-scale impact in order to serve the very weakest of society. But as she wrestled with the decision, she was reminded of the example of Jesus when He took a towel and washed His disciples’ feet:

“Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself” (Jn. 13:3–4).

“He took a towel — ” Amy wrote, “the Lord of glory did that. Is it the bondservant’s business to say which work is large and which is small, which is unimportant and which is worth doing? The question answered itself, and was not asked again.”

Later in her life, Amy built upon that principle with these powerful words, “If I covet any place on earth except the dust at the foot of the Cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love.”

Amy’s decision to choose the “dust at the foot of the Cross” opened the door for her to rescue hundreds and hundreds of children from death and destruction, and disciple them, while also impacting countless Christians around the world, even decades after her death. As Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” (Matt. 5:5). Despite what we commonly believe, our lives will only bear eternal fruit when we choose to follow in the dusty footprints of our humble Lord.

The word “meek” in this verse means humble, gentle. And it is the same word used in 1 Peter 3:4 to describe the inner loveliness of a Christ-centered woman: “the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (WEB, emphasis added).

When I used to hear the phrase “meek and quiet spirit” I pictured a somber, mousy woman sitting in a dark corner knitting. Not exactly an appealing image! It was hard for me to see that meekness could actually make a woman shine with incorruptible beauty.

But true meekness is not timid and mousy. A woman who is truly meek exudes the beautiful, quiet strength of one who is fully surrendered to her Father’s will and lives for His glory alone.

It was meekness Christ demonstrated when He left His throne, became of “no reputation,” and was born in a humble stable. (See Philippians 2:7.) It was meekness He expressed when He bent His knee and washed His disciples’ feet. It was meekness He showed in the Garden of Gethsemane when He said, “…not My will, but Yours, be done” (Luk. 22:42).

In Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the phrase “blessed are the meek” he says: “The meek are those who quietly submit themselves to God, to His Word and to His rod, who follow His directions, and comply with His designs, and are gentle towards all men … having the rule of their own spirit.”

WOMEN OF MEEKNESS

Mary, the mother of Jesus, demonstrated this quality of meekness when she “kept all these things and pondered them in her heart” (Lk. 2:19). Rather than broadcasting the fact that she had been chosen to be the mother of the Savior of the world, she chose to obey God quietly, without pomp or fanfare.

Some of the most beautiful glimpses of godly femininity I’ve ever seen came from women who possessed meekness as one of their chief qualities — and God used their humble yieldedness to change the world.

In the late 1800s, a young English painter named Lilias Trotter chose the path of meekness. She was given the opportunity to become one of the most famous artists of the Victorian age. A well-known artist and philosopher, John Ruskin, offered to groom her to become a world-renowned painter and “do things that were immortal” with her talent. But after wrestling with the decision, she came to this conclusion, “I cannot give myself to my art in the way that he means and also ‘seek first the Kingdom of God.’” So she humbly chose to give up her art career and serve God in obscurity, among the poorest of the poor in Algeria. Not only did she eternally impact hundreds who never would have heard the Gospel otherwise, but she also influenced countless others around the world to pursue a life of sacrificial love and complete devotion to Jesus Christ. Lilias Trotter never became famous for her art, but she was surely well-known in Heaven.

A few decades later, a woman named Biddy Chambers — the wife of Oswald Chambers — made a similar choice.  After her husband’s death, she chose to quietly serve at a mission house, cooking, cleaning, and counseling — and in her spare time painstakingly typing notes from Oswald’s lectures into daily Bible readings to share with Christians around the world.  These notes became the famous devotional My Utmost for His Highest and remain among the most beloved collections of biblical insights within the Christian world.  

Biddy wanted no recognition for the countless hours she spent compiling My Utmost. She wrote the forward for the book and signed only her initials, “B.C.”  As her husband’s biography states, “Nowhere in the book did it mention her name or her work of taking shorthand notes, typing the talks, and often merging paragraphs from three different messages into a coherent reading for a single day … Even so, [the author was Oswald Chambers] She saw herself as a channel through which his words were conveyed to others. That was her way.”

In recent decades, Corrie ten Boom demonstrated the same incredible meekness, even though she was one of the most well-known Christian figures of her day.  She spoke to thousands of people at a time but was never too busy or important to reach out to one of the many lonely souls that she encountered in her travels.  She shared Christ’s love with refugees, prisoners on death row, the sick and dying, and even hostile customs officials at the airport. On one occasion, when she was introduced in glowing terms to a large crowd in South America, she humbly confessed that she was not as perfect or impressive as people thought she was and that she struggled with sin and selfishness just as they did.

These women all had different stories, but the core quality of meekness was a hallmark of their lives.  And it was because they chose to quietly submit themselves to God that He was able to work so powerfully through them.

For most of us, this beautiful quality of meekness does not come naturally. Even those of us who are more naturally shy or reserved are not necessarily inwardly meek. That is because meekness is not a personality trait — it is an inner character quality that can only be cultivated by the Spirit of God. Only the enabling grace of God can give us a heart that constantly cries out, “Not my will, but Yours, be done!” And that is the essence of true meekness.

The first step toward building inner meekness is to submit completely to God and ask Him to work this amazing quality within our hearts. Secondly, we can practice cultivating meekness in our daily life in several practical ways.

MEEKNESS IN DAILY LIFE

1. Practice Taking the Lowest Place

In God’s Kingdom, humility is the only path that leads to true honor. Jesus said, “…whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…” (Matt. 20:26–28 NASB). It goes completely against our fleshly, selfish tendencies to purposefully choose the last place instead of the first, which is why we need to practice cultivating this principle as often as we can.

One of the best ways to “take the lowest place” is to serve someone who can’t repay you, to humbly give without expecting anything in return. Ask God to show you the opportunities that are around you right now — visiting an elderly patient in a nursing home, encouraging a prisoner or refugee with truth, investing into the life of a foster-care child, etc. Or consider serving behind the scenes at a local ministry that needs volunteers and be willing to do anything that needs to be done, even if that means mopping floors or doing tedious data entry. It’s all too easy for us to approach even ministry work with a selfish mentality — assuming that if a specific task doesn’t personally appeal to us, then we shouldn’t need to do it. But ministries are always looking for workers who will happily do whatever needs to be done, rather than demanding a job that personally caters to their likes and dislikes.

Another thing to consider when you are seeking to serve others is Jesus’ command to “give in secret.” He said, “But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you” (Matt. 6:3–4 NASB).  

It might be tempting to broadcast your servant-hearted deeds on your social media page or in casual conversations. In our modern world, this is not usually seen as boasting but as “sharing life” with our friends and family. Of course, it’s not always wrong to let people know what we have been up to or to ask for their prayers. But in many cases, God asks us to serve in obscurity — “without our left handing knowing what our right hand is doing” — to give in secret for the eyes of our Father alone.  

Are you willing to serve sacrificially even if He is the only one who sees? Once the answer to that question is a joyful yes, you will have taken a huge step toward cultivating meekness in your inner life!

2. Practice Answering Gently

Proverbs 15:1 tells us, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When someone treats us rudely, it can feel like the most unnatural thing in the world to respond gently instead of harshly. And yet, responding in love and gentleness instead of anger is one of the best ways to build meekness within our inner lives.

Amy Carmichael once told of a young ministry worker who was spoken to unkindly and tempted to respond with a flashing, angry remark. But in that moment she heard the still, small voice of God’s Spirit saying, “See in it a chance to die” — it was an opportunity to die to herself and choose meekness over selfishness. And she realized, “A cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water however suddenly jolted.”

Decide in your heart ahead of time how you are going to respond the next time someone says or does something rude to you. Ask God for the grace to give a gentle, soft answer instead of an angry comeback. Giving up the temporary satisfaction of answering someone rudely in exchange for cultivating a meek and quiet spirit is well worth it, because meekness is very precious in God’s sight.

3. Practice Daily Surrender

When I was 16, I knelt by my bed and surrendered every area of my life to the rulership of Jesus Christ. I remember that moment vividly; the freedom and joy of laying down my own will and desires and submitting to His.

But since that day, there have been many times when I have attempted to take back control over my life, clinging to my own agenda and fighting for my own way. I have learned that surrender is not a one-time act; it is a daily decision to die to myself and yield completely to Him.

It is impossible to have meekness without surrender.  

If you are trying to cultivate meekness in your life but are not willing to surrender your life, your agenda, and your will to Jesus Christ, it will be a futile effort. Think about the various women I have shared about in this article:  

Mary, the mother of Jesus, surrendered her right to be recognized for being the mother of Christ, choosing to obey God without fanfare and applause.

Amy Carmichael surrendered her right to do exciting evangelistic work in exchange for the tedious work of childcare.  

Lilias Trotter surrendered her right to be a famous artist and chose to serve in obscurity, reaching the poor in the slums of Algeria.  

Biddy Chambers surrendered her right to receive any credit for compiling one of the most powerful devotionals in Christian history.  

And Corrie ten Boom surrendered her right to be treated as an important leader, remaining humble and approachable throughout her entire ministry life.

Prayerfully consider what specific areas God may be asking you to surrender. 

Remember, one of the enemy’s most common tactics is to convince us that offering our most precious possessions and desires to God is the worst thing we could ever do; that it will lead to misery and lack. But the opposite is true. When we surrender our lives to God without holding anything back, He blesses us far more than we could ever hope or imagine. It doesn’t mean that our lives will be filled with ease and pleasure, but rather that we will find a far deeper satisfaction than anything this world could ever offer. I can fairly confidently guarantee that if you asked any of the women mentioned here — Mary, Amy, Lilias, Biddy, or Corrie — they would not harbor any regrets for humbly laying their dreams and desires at Jesus’ feet but would declare it to be the best decision they ever made.

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Meekness is a truly beautiful quality, one that is completely opposite of the self-promoting “beauty” our culture pushes us toward. It is not a quality that comes easily or naturally, but it is something that Christ is eager and willing to build within us. All we must do is ask! Remember, meekness has nothing to do with personality, but everything to do with a quietly yielded heart. While charm and self-promotion will quickly fade away, the incorruptible beauty of a meek and quiet spirit will last into eternity.

Where does a meek and quiet spirit begin? With a heart-attitude that says, “Not my will, but Yours, be done.” Let this become the motto of your soul, and you will soon begin to showcase the amazing, lovely, supernatural meekness of your King.

When my oldest son Hudson was about four, another mom on the playground mistakenly thought he had cut in front of her young daughter while they were standing in line for the slide.  Immediately she began chiding her little girl with statements such as, “Don’t let that boy push you around!  Stand up for yourself!  Shove him out of the way and take what’s yours!”

It was a perfect illustration of the common female mindset toward men in our culture today.  Women who have been hurt by selfish men or disgusted by incorrect notions of what femininity should be have decided to take matters into their own hands.  The modern feminist approach is one that echoes the sentiments of that mom:  “Shove men out of the way and take what’s yours!”

The modern feminist agenda is not God’s agenda.  And He has a far better approach to helping us rise up to our high calling as women.

This is the culture in which we live, and this is the mindset we are surrounded by.  It’s all too easy to be influenced to think the way our culture does, fighting for what we want and shoving aside anyone (especially men) who may get in our way.  But the modern feminist agenda is not God’s agenda.  And He has a far better approach to helping us rise up to our high calling as women.

Yes, there have been some positive outcomes from the women’s rights battle over the past few decades (i.e. women being able to vote, being treated with respect in the workplace, etc.). Yet the underlying attitude of modern feminism is the opposite of God’s design for true womanhood — scorning masculinity, disregarding a man’s call to lead, and militantly demanding control (and often superiority).

We are not called to be feminists. 
We are called to be Christians.

So how do we become free from oppressive human ideas and embrace God’s life-giving pattern for femininity without tossing aside God’s heart and nature in the process?  There are some amazing examples throughout Scripture of women who did just that.

Esther was at the beck and call of an ungodly king who held her life in his hand.  Though she was royalty, she was not free to make her own decisions.  Even coming into the king’s presence uninvited would likely mean her execution.  Change was desperately needed, especially when her life and the lives of her people hung in the balance. Instead of using manipulative or demanding tactics, Esther turned to the power of God.  She spent three days fasting and praying for His wisdom and favor before she even attempted to bring her request to the king.  Not only did she save an entire nation, but Esther went from being the king’s slave to becoming his trusted and respected advisor — all because she leaned wholly on God’s strength and wisdom instead of her own.

Ruth was an outcast with no money, opportunities, or respect when she chose to return to Naomi’s homeland to care for her.  She was forced to gather the leftover grain from others’ fields in order to survive.  Ruth could have pursued men romantically who might have been able to change her life circumstances dramatically.  But she surrendered her desires and yielded to Naomi and Naomi’s God.  It wasn’t manipulation or human strategy that helped Ruth win Boaz’s heart and become part of a powerful redemption story; it was placing all her confidence in the power and wisdom of God, and taking one step of obedience at a time.

Abigail was in a desperate situation, at the mercy of an evil and selfish husband whose terrible decisions were about to cost many people their lives, including her own.  She did not panic, but instead yielded to the guidance of God and was given supernatural wisdom to stop King David from rashly taking revenge on her husband and all that he had.  Abigail singlehandedly brought sanity to an out-of-control situation, stopped senseless bloodshed, and saved many lives in the process.  David praised her for her God-given wisdom, willingly heeded her advice, completely changed his course of action in response to her appeal, and even asked her to be his wife after her wicked husband died. 

Each of these women (and many others like them) took bold, counter-cultural steps against oppression that resulted in incredible, history-altering outcomes.  But in each case, their bold steps did not flow from a fleshly, selfish, manipulative, or demanding attitude.  Rather, they came from an attitude of complete surrender to the One they knew they could trust with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.  They knew He valued them, cared about them, and desired to powerfully work through them to accomplish His purposes.  They trusted in Him, not in themselves.  And their own lives — and the lives of countless others — were forever changed as a result.

We can lean on our own strength and ideas, using fleshly tactics to try to achieve feminine strength (as modern feminists do) or we can let God powerfully work through us and build His strength within us as we yield completely to Him.

Do you see the difference?  We can lean on our own strength and ideas, using fleshly tactics to try to achieve feminine strength (as modern feminists do) or we can let God powerfully work through us and build His strength within us as we yield completely to Him.  Which path we choose directly impacts our ability to thrive in our calling as women. So let’s choose to place all our confidence in Him, and not ourselves.

Knowing Our Position

Much debate has swirled around Christianity about acceptable roles for women.  It can be a very confusing topic. Should women ever teach publicly?  Should a woman always take a back seat to a man’s opinion?  Should married women work outside the home? Should single women go to the mission field?  And the list goes on.

There are strong, even volatile, opinions on either side of each of these issues, and I am not going to attempt to address them in this article.  But honestly, I believe these are all secondary issues.  These questions often distract us from  the most important question of all: What is our position?  I am not referring to our position in the home, or the church, or our society.  I mean our position in the heavenly realm.  

Colossians 2:9–10 tells us, “For in [Jesus Christ] dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power” (emphasis added).  And Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus…” (emphasis added).

The Gospel is so much more than just mentally agreeing with the fact that Jesus died to save us from our sin.  Embracing the Gospel means a change of our position.  Before we come to Christ, our position is outside of Him.  We are controlled by our own flesh — that selfish, sinful part of us that continually pulls us away from all that is good and righteous.  But when we come to Christ, we take a new position in Him.  (See Romans 13:14.)  Old things pass away, and He becomes the One in control, the One willing and acting within us to do according to His good pleasure. (See Philippians 2:13.)  Taking our position in Christ is the secret to Christianity that really works.  

When we take our position in Christ, our identity becomes wrapped up in Him and is no longer in ourselves. Ephesians 2:5–6 gives us a powerful picture of what this really means: “But God … even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus” (emphasis added).

This means that in Christ, we can have victory over the control of sin and the flesh.  In Christ, we are protected from the power of the enemy.  In Christ, we have the ability to live lives that would otherwise be impossible, because it is not we who live, but Christ who lives in us. (See Galatians 2:20.)

What an astounding reality!  Knowing our position in Christ is the key to stepping into the life He has called us to live.  It has been said that we can’t really know who we are until we know who Jesus is.  But we can’t stop there.  We must know who He is and what our position is in Him. 

When we know who we are in Christ, we won’t need to scrape and claw for our rights — because we are secure in Him.  When we know who we are in Christ, we won’t be confused about our identity or gender — because our identity is wrapped up in Him. 

When we know who we are in Christ, we won’t need to scrape and claw for our rights — because we are secure in Him.  When we know who we are in Christ, we won’t be confused about our identity or gender — because our identity is wrapped up in Him.  When we know who we are in Christ, we won’t become obsessed with what we should or shouldn’t do as a woman — because we will be lovingly led by Him one step of obedience at a time.

Paul said that all his earthly accomplishments seemed like rubbish compared to the surpassing greatness of being found in Christ.  (See Philippians 3:8–9.)  Taking our position in Christ is the only way to walk in our true identity and calling.  It is the only way to experience a life that actually works.

If you have never really understood your position in Christ, this is where your true calling begins.  In Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead and you are complete in Him! (See Colossians 2:9–10.) 

For a deeper understanding of this principle I encourage you to listen to my husband Eric’s message In Christ, available for free at ellerslie.com.

I’d like to close this article with a powerful statement from Elisabeth Elliot. It beautifully enunciates the ultimate answer to all confusion regarding our calling as women: complete and total surrender to the One who made us and loves us more than we could ever comprehend.  He is faithful. And He is worthy.

"We are called to be women. The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be."  -- Elisabeth Elliot

For most modern women “singleness” and “contentment” are two words that don’t seem to fit together in the same sentence. During our single years, it’s all too easy to believe that marriage is the only thing that can solve our problems and make us truly happy.

Sadly our culture — even our Christian culture — often views singleness as a “problem to be solved” rather than an opportunity and gift from God. Well-meaning friends and family members can quickly make the situation worse by constantly asking if there is a “special someone” in your life or hinting that “so and so” might just be a perfect match for you.

To compound the issue, some modern Christian messages confidently declare that discontentment with singleness is normal and acceptable, and that we can’t expect to be truly fulfilled until we finally enter into marriage, because that is what we’ve been designed for.

And when God seems to delay bringing a husband along, the bait towards frustration and bitterness is palpable.  I have spoken with thousands of single women who have struggled with anger towards God and depression towards life in general because they have not yet met their spouse. They are completely unable to thrive in the single years of their lives, because they are convinced that their “real life” won’t begin until they are finally married.

Can you relate? Does finding true joy and contentment in your single years feel more like a myth than an actual possibility?

I have personally journeyed through the “joy and contentment” conundrum many times over in my life.  

Before Eric came into my life, God had walked me through a season when I’d learned to find true joy and contentment in my relationship with Him, even as a single girl, and I wasn’t pining after a husband for happiness.  I thought I had this whole contentment thing figured out.  

However, it was strange, but, once Eric and I became engaged, my hopes and expectations slowly became wrapped up in my dreams of what married life would be like — a cute little home with a white picket fence and a romantic dinner by candlelight every night.

I didn’t realize that I was placing so much hope in my own plans and dreams, until we moved into our first house — a charming 100-year-old bed and breakfast that some friends had graciously let us stay in for the winter.  The home was beautiful in the summer — on a sparkling lake with flowers and trees and swans.  But in the winter (when we lived there), the lake was frozen, the windows were boarded up, and the house seemed like the setting for an eerie movie.

It was hardly the setting for the Leave it to Beaver lifestyle I had envisioned.

The next four months in this “eerie” house were an adventure in the ridiculous which included a family of scary raccoons moving into our fireplace, an invasion of hungry fleas, a bronchial infection to beat all bronchial infections, water spraying everywhere in our laundry room due to busted pipes (leaving mountains of dirty clothes needing washed), and piles of discarded Kleenex that demanded too much energy to throw away.  

Marriage was great. My circumstances … not so much.  

As overjoyed as I was to be married, I realized that marriage hadn’t solved all my problems or made my life perfect.  I believed I had every right to postpone my contentment until our outward situation improved and became more like the pleasant and comfortable plans I had created in my mind.

A poignant question resounded within my soul — where was I placing my hope? In my circumstances? Or in Christ alone?

Then one morning I opened my Bible to the Psalms and read these words: “My soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from Him” (Ps. 62:5 NIV).  A poignant question resounded within my soul — where was I placing my hope? In my circumstances? Or in Christ alone?

While there was nothing wrong with the desire to have a lovely home and pleasant surroundings, I realized that there was something wrong with making my fulfillment conditional upon those things.  I committed myself afresh to God’s design for this season of my life even if it was different from my personal agenda.

Once my hope was anchored to Christ again, my contentment returned — fleas, raccoons, sub-zero temperatures, and all.  Eric and I learned to laugh at our ridiculous circumstances and cheerfully embrace the challenges that came with everyday life.  The result was that we drew even closer to each other, and grew tremendously in our relationship with Christ.  Looking back, I see God’s loving purpose in that cartoonish season, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

We so often want to blame God for delaying our dreams from coming true exactly when and how we want them to.  Yet this is nothing more than a tactic of the enemy to get our eyes off the Source of true happiness and distract us with selfish discontentment.  

When it comes to singleness, this temptation is especially strong.  

In her book Passion and Purity, Elisabeth Elliot wrote, “I’m afraid the snake has been talking to [many of us]. He’s been sneaking up and whispering, ‘God is stingy. He dangles that beautiful fruit called marriage before your eyes and won’t let you have it. He refuses you the only thing you need for deep personal growth, the one thing in all the world that would solve all your problems and make you really happy.’”

But, as Corrie ten Boom wisely observed, “We often set our minds on some one thing we think will make us happy — a husband, children, a particular job or even a ‘ministry’ — and refuse to open our eyes to God’s better way.  In fact, some believe so strongly that only this thing can bring happiness, that they reject the Lord Jesus Himself.  Happiness is not found in marriage, or work, or ministry or children.  Happiness is found only by being secure in Jesus.”

If you have struggled with frustration over your singleness, be encouraged that contentment and joy in this season of your life is possible — but only when you become secure in Jesus.  

Let’s take a deeper look at God’s pattern for true contentment. 

Throughout Christian history, God’s most faithful and fruitful believers have been those who gladly surrendered everything to Him

Throughout Christian history, God’s most faithful and fruitful believers have been those who gladly surrendered everything to Him, finding unshakable joy even in the midst of the most harrowing trials because their soul was anchored to Him.  They didn’t demand a specific set of circumstances in order to be happy and fulfilled.  They, like Paul, learned the “secret of being content in any and every situation” (Phil. 4:12 NIV).

Uh-oh, hold on, you might be thinking.  It’s one thing for the Apostle Paul to be joyfully content whether well-fed or hungry, or for a married woman to learn contentment amid fleas and raccoons, but it’s impossible for a single woman to be joyfully content in her singleness.  There are even Christian books that say that being frustrated with singleness is perfectly normal!

But falling into the mentality that “singleness equals discontentment” will quickly lead to a miserable life.

In her book Tramp for the Lord, Corrie ten Boom wrote about a conversation that she had with a middle-aged single missionary who had those exact sentiments. 

“One evening while we were alone in her little [home] she confessed her bitterness and resentment over being unmarried. ‘Why have I been denied the love of a husband, children, and a home? Why is it that the only men who ever paid any attention to me were married to someone else?’ Long into the night she poured out her poison of frustration … I looked across the little table at the bitter woman in front of me.  Her face was furrowed, her eyes hard with resentment.  I sensed she was trying to run away from her frustrations.”

One of the reasons that being content in the single years often feels so impossible is because marriage is clearly a good gift from God, and the desire for marriage is something He created within us.  It’s easy to buy into the notion that something so right and God-ordained couldn’t possibly become a stumbling block of idolatry.

And yet, just as food is also a good and healthy gift from God — Paul had to learn to be content without it. And just as family bonds are a blessing from God, Jesus asked some of his disciples to follow Him without even stopping to tell their families goodbye. (See Luke 9:61-62.)

Surrender isn’t just about giving up the selfish, immoral vices in our lives, but also a willingness to lay down the good and perfect gifts that come from God, such as the desire for marriage, friends, family, and so on.  Surrendering those good gifts doesn’t mean we will never have them, or that the desire for them is wrong.  Rather, it means yielding them to God to do with as He sees fit, without demanding them as our right or making our happiness conditional upon them.

Elisabeth Elliot explained it this way.  “A good and perfect gift, these natural desires.  But so much more the necessity that they be restrained, controlled, even crucified, that they might be reborn in power and purity for God.”

Corrie ten Boom contrasted the bitter missionary’s story to the beautiful example she’d seen in her traveling assistant, Ellen, who was a single young woman in her thirties.  “She is single, yet she has learned the secret of living a balanced life … she did not feel that God had called her to a single life, rather she felt that one day, in God’s time, she would marry.  However, until that time arrived — one year or thirty years from then — I knew she was secure in Jesus and not looking to a husband or children for security.”

Yes, I know that some modern Christian books have mocked the idea that a single woman can be joyfully content during the single years of her life, saying that a woman who says she is at peace with her unmarried state is not really being honest.  Other books say that Christians who look to Christ alone to fulfill them are merely trying to over-spiritualize their singleness.

But I don’t believe for a moment that seeking security in Christ alone is over-spiritualizing singleness.  Rather, it’s applying the Gospel to singleness.  

The Bible says that God — not marriage or any other circumstance — satisfies the longing soul. (See Psalm 107:9.)   Do we really believe that?  Are we willing to see that reality proven true in our lives, even during the single years?

Maybe you’ve heard the story of the Chinese pastor that was thrown into solitary confinement for over a year because of his faith.  Day after day, week after week, month after month he crouched in a tiny cell hardly big enough to stand up in.  He remained there in total darkness. There was no light, no human companionship, and no human conversation. It was just him and God.

When he was finally released, he had nearly gone blind from the long lack of light.  His body was weak and fragile.  But his face was radiant and glowing. He seemed to effervesce with joy and peace. His Christian friends peppered him with questions. “How did you survive solitary confinement for so long?  What was it like?”

The frail pastor paused and then smiled.  “It was like a honeymoon with Jesus!”

What an incredible statement!  Here was a man who had gone over a year without any kind of human contact — and he’d never known such peace and fulfillment.  He was more than satisfied by sweet fellowship with his Beloved.

He understood that Jesus truly was all he needed.  Jesus became, in reality, his All in all.  And he didn’t just survive those difficult months — he triumphed through them!

If it’s possible for a man in this situation to be perfectly satisfied with Christ only, then it is certainly possible for us.  

Yes, it’s true that God designed us for relationship with others. It’s true that for most of us, He designed us for marriage. But it is not true that He alone isn’t enough to fulfill us at the deepest level, even if every form of human companionship is stripped away.

The entire Bible is a love story — a romance between Jesus Christ and His Bride. Our earthly marriages are meant to showcase the ultimate marriage that we will one day share with Him. But even if we never experience earthly marriage, we can be completely fulfilled by our relationship with Jesus Christ. 

Marriage was not designed to make up for what God lacked.  It was not that God was unable to meet the longings of Adam’s heart, so He had to create Eve.  Rather, He created marriage to be a reflection of the perfect union and fellowship that we have with Him.  The entire Bible is a love story — a romance between Jesus Christ and His Bride. Our earthly marriages are meant to showcase the ultimate marriage that we will one day share with Him. But even if we never experience earthly marriage, we can be completely fulfilled by our relationship with Jesus Christ. 

Now, please don’t misunderstand me.  In saying that Christ wants to be our All in all and that we are not to look to marriage to meet needs only He can fill, I’m certainly not trying to downplay the sacredness or significance of getting married. But the principle of finding our fulfillment first and foremost in Christ is crucial, even for those of us who are called to be married one day.  

Here’s why. The Bible makes it clear that married women are to be helpers to their husbands — to honor them, respect them, serve them, and help meet their needs. Unfortunately, many married women are so busy trying to somehow make their husbands into the picture-perfect men of their childhood fairy tales that they don’t spend much time thinking about how they can selflessly love and serve their man.  

But a woman who is fully satisfied in Christ is free to selflessly love and serve her husband with unconditional love. This kind of woman will have far more ability to help shape her husband into a Christlike prince than a nagging, self-focused, emotionally needy wife ever could.

Don’t fall prey to the lie that Jesus Christ is not enough to fulfill the longings of your heart.  The most satisfying, spectacular divine romance with Jesus awaits us if we simply allow Him to be everything to us. 

Don’t fall prey to the lie that Jesus Christ is not enough to fulfill the longings of your heart.  The most satisfying, spectacular divine romance with Jesus awaits us if we simply allow Him to be everything to us. 

One of the biggest challenges in the single years is knowing what to do with natural feelings of attraction. Just because you choose to seek fulfillment in Christ rather than pursuing an earthly love story doesn’t mean you’ll lose your desire to be married.  And when godly men come your way, it’s natural that you will be drawn to some of them.  This doesn’t mean that you’ve lost your contentment in Christ.  It just means you are a woman, feeling the intrinsic desire for love and companionship that God placed in your heart.  Feelings and emotions don’t dictate or lessen your commitment to Christ, unless you allow those feelings and emotions to take over and control you, or distract you from your First Love.

A godly, single young woman shared with me how she applies this truth to her own life:  “If I see a guy that meets the spiritual standards of integrity that I look for, I tell God about him, not the guy himself, and often times, not even my friends! I don’t allow my mind to daydream about guys in my life or to build castles in the sky over someone that I think might be ‘the one.’  I surrender my emotions and trust God to fulfill His purposes for me. Sometimes this can be pretty hard, but that’s where the promises of Scripture have made a huge difference and where movies have been a huge detriment! As the verse goes, ‘I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved’ (Ps. 16:8).”

This is a beautiful illustration of having the desire to be married, yet not allowing that desire to have you!

If you are single, it may seem like waiting for marriage is the most difficult thing that you will ever have to walk through.  Yes, godly marriage is a wonderful blessing.  But I can tell you that even after marriage, and even after children, there are difficult seasons and trials we must experience as children of God. There are always new areas to surrender, always new hopes and dreams to lay at Jesus’ feet, and always new trials to patiently endure.

When we lay our all on the altar, no matter how painful the process is, we can be confident that there are unspeakable treasures of joy awaiting us on the other side of the suffering, the waiting, and the surrender.  

And yet we must never forget that on the other side of sacrifice and surrender, there is always joy.  Jesus obtained the reward of His suffering after He had conquered sin and death, and sat down at the right hand of His Father.  That’s His pattern.  First, suffering — then reward.  As 1 Peter 5:10 says, “may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you” (emphasis added).  And Paul reminds us, “For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love…”  (Heb. 6:10).  When we lay our all on the altar, no matter how painful the process is, we can be confident that there are unspeakable treasures of joy awaiting us on the other side of the suffering, the waiting, and the surrender.  

Christian single young women today are often surrounded by messages that encourage them to follow their hearts, take matters into their own hands, and find themselves a husband as quickly as possible.  If that is your situation, I would strongly encourage you to tune out those noisy voices and lean upon the strength of God to walk a different path — His path.  Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.  The Cross seemed too much to bear.  But He received everything He needed by running into the arms of His Father and crying out for supernatural strength.

He will do the same for you.  All you must to do is ask.

Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2

…Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5

Awaken to God’s amazing plan for the single season of your life! Take this message further by reading Leslie’s book, Sacred Singleness.

It is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish. (Matthew 18:14)

When our first child, Hudson, was almost two, I became pregnant with our second child.  Excitedly, we told our son he was going to be a big brother.  We announced to friends and family that there was a new little Ludy on the way.  We tossed around ideas for baby names.  We calculated the due date.  Life rolled along, and we happily anticipated the new addition to our family.

And then one morning, our excitement came to a screeching halt.  I woke up with several alarming symptoms, and I had the sickening suspicion that I had miscarried my baby.  An emergency visit to the doctor confirmed my fear.  The life that had been growing inside of me had abruptly ended.  For the next twenty-four hours, I was in a daze of shock and disbelief.

I wasn’t quite sure how to process such a sudden, unexpected loss.  I didn’t want to fall apart emotionally.  I had a young son to raise, a husband, and a ministry life to tend to.  I made up my mind to be strong, keep a stiff upper lip, and move on.  After all, as the doctor reminded me, I could always get pregnant again.  And the life that had been lost was only six weeks along in development; not yet even resembling a baby.  I hadn’t felt the baby kick, heard the heartbeat, or seen the ultrasound.  At this early stage in the pregnancy, it wasn’t really a devastating tragedy; it was just more of a disappointment.  Or so I told myself.

But for some reason, there was a growing despair in my soul over losing the pregnancy.  Some nights I lay awake in bed nearly suffocated by an inexplicable emotional pain.

Many weeks went by, and I did my best to ignore the grief in my heart and simply keep moving forward with my life.  I thought the best way to honor God through the situation was to accept what had happened with a resilient attitude and not let it slow me down.  Yet the grief continued to amplify just under the surface of my emotions.  And finally one day, I could not contain my sadness anymore.  I lay across my bed and wept uncontrollably, grieving for the child that I would never meet this side of Heaven.  It was the first time since the miscarriage I had even allowed myself to cry.

For weeks I’d been telling myself that what happened was “no big deal.”  But now, I was coming face-to-face with the true reality of the situation.  It was a big deal.  In fact, it was a horrible tragedy.  A little life — precious to God, formed in His image, shaped by His hand — had been suddenly snuffed out.  I thought about the words of Scripture:

For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13

…from my mother’s womb you have been my God. Psalm 22:10

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you… Jeremiah 1:5.

To God, the baby that had perished was not just a barely-developed fetus or blob of cells and tissues. . . . Once I finally allowed myself to grieve for this little life — to see what God was seeing, to feel what He was feeling — it changed everything.  My life has never been the same since. .  . My heart was still sorrowful over what had happened, but God began to work a deep healing within my soul.

He also began to work something else within my soul — the ability to carry His burden for the weak and vulnerable; to weep over children being orphaned and enslaved; and to grieve over the countless unborn lives being snuffed out before they’d had a chance to fulfill their God-given destinies.

Eric and I had been working in full-time Christian ministry for most of our married life.  But we’d become so busy that we’d begun to overlook the orphan, the needy, and the vulnerable.  Through our own tragic loss, God awakened us to the cry of the more than 143 million orphans around the world. He gripped our hearts with the millions of young girls caught in the trafficking cycle. He burdened our hearts for the abused child-soldiers in Uganda, the destitute starving children in Liberia, and the persecuted street-children in Brazil.

And He opened our eyes to an injustice no less grievous than all of these heart-wrenching dramas; an incomprehensible travesty happening not halfway across the world, but right down the street from us — and in nearly every city across this nation.  Countless women being targeted, manipulated, deceived, and exploited by a cunning money-hungry machine known as the abortion industry.  And millions of innocent, helpless lives being ruthlessly snuffed out at the hands of abortionists, without the ability to defend themselves.

As I grieved for the unborn baby I had lost, I began to catch a glimpse of God’s overwhelming, heartbreaking grief for the precious babies being deliberately aborted right down the street, and all around the world.

I had always been “pro-life.”  But as God worked in my heart through this experience, the issue of abortion became far more than a box to check on my voting ballet once every few years.  Now, I began to carry the very burden of God for the unborn, feeling at the very deepest levels of my soul the inestimable value of each precious life created by His loving hand.

From that point forward, the words of Proverbs 31:8 became a passion point for my life:

Open your mouth for the speechless, In the cause of all who are appointed to die.

Who are these speechless ones God is referring to?  Who are these helpless victims appointed to die?  The answer is more obvious than most of us realize.

In addition to the millions of orphans and vulnerable children all around this world, there are millions of threatened unborn babies all over America.  And just like the orphaned and abandoned children, they are desperately calling out for advocates to rescue them.

In this country alone, 23,000 babies were killed just this week at the hands of abortionists.  1.2 million babies are murdered within their mother’s wombs each year. One in four babies conceived in America is surgically aborted. Abortions outnumber live births in at least fourteen U.S. metropolitan areas. And these horrifying numbers are only growing every year.

If we will not open our mouths for these helpless ones; if we will not take up the cause and fight for life, who will?

Abortion in America is not just a disturbing political issue.  It is a silent genocide.  It is a crisis of unfathomable, epidemic proportions.

Many of us have wished for a worthy cause to give our lives to.  We watch inspiring movies about heroes of history past, like William Wilberforce who poured out his life to end the slave trade in his day.  And we long to be part of such a noble adventure.

But few of us realize the opportunity we have sitting right in front of us. We do not live in a time of peace and harmony.  We live in an era where innocent lives are being slaughtered in mass, and an entire generation of young women’s lives are being ruthlessly ripped apart through the deceit.

As Christian women, we must gain the heart of God for the unborn.  Many of us choose to steer clear of the abortion issue because it seems too political, too emotionally-charged, and too confusing.  We aren’t really sure what to do about it.  We don’t feel like we can make much of difference anyway.

So, too often, we do nothing.  We shake our heads at the sadness of it, but we fail to fulfill God’s sacred call to open our mouths for the speechless and defend those helpless lives who are appointed to die tragic deaths.

I would like to challenge you to rise up — to make the crucial, deliberate choice to stand for life.  To become God’s hands and feet to the weak and vulnerable lives that have no voice to cry for them and no advocate to fight for them.

You and I were chosen to live in a time such as this.  And no matter how helpless you might feel, remember that the God of the universe stands for life.  He is the Author of it.  When we stand for life, we stand with our King.  And the strength of heaven backs us up when we carry God’s burdens and fight God’s battles.

Here are some ways to begin:

Promote life

If you are close to someone who is considering abortion, get on your knees and fight on behalf of this priceless unborn life.  Lovingly exhort your friend to choose life.  Offer to go with her to visit your local crisis pregnancy center.  Be her advocate.  And be an advocate for the life within her.  Your influence and prayers can mean the difference between life and death.

Remember, the culture we live in is deceptive and cunning.  Pro-choice organizations such as Planned Parenthood are not the wise, caring counselors they claim to be.  They do not have a woman’s best interest at heart.  And they certainly do not have God’s interests at heart.  They are not there to provide good solid wisdom and a clear understanding of the options; they exist only to take a woman’s money and ruin her life.

DON’T TAKE THIS BATTLE LIGHTLY.

So don’t take this battle lightly.  Be willing to get uncomfortable, ask difficult questions, and wrestle in prayer on behalf of those who are appointed to die.

Open your eyes

Allow God to give you His heart for unborn lives that are in danger of being snuffed out.  A great place to start is by downloading my husband Eric’s sermon, The Auschwitz Within, as well as his short film, Depraved Indifference, which was taken from a message he spoke at a pro-life banquet. I also recommend the powerful spoken word video, Choice, produced by Living Waters ministry.  Another compelling and eye-opening film that exposes the agenda of the abortion industry is called Blood Money: The Business of Abortion, available for purchase at Amazon.com.  Two excellent fiction books that give a glimpse into the spiritual battle over this issue are The Prophet by Frank Peretti and Atonement Child by Francine Rivers.

Most importantly, study what the Bible has to say about the value of life and the importance of protecting the cause of the weak and vulnerable.  Ask God to increase your passion for the burdens that He Himself carries.

Pray

Don’t underestimate the power of prayer.  I know many Christians who regularly go to areas where abortion clinics are, not to picket or demonstrate, but to simply stand spiritually against that horrible evil through persistent prayer.  I recently heard the incredible testimony of a woman who ran several abortion clinics for many years.  Through a series of divine circumstances, she became convicted of her sin, gave her life to Jesus Christ, and did a complete about-face both spiritually and practically.  She now fights on behalf of the unborn and exposes the evil agenda of the abortion industry.  Such stories remind us that the faithful prayers of the saints can lead to mighty victories — one life at a time.

THE FAITHFUL PRAYERS OF THE SAINTS CAN LEAD TO MIGHTY VICTORIES — ONE LIFE AT A TIME.

If you have children, let them join you in praying for this battle.  They don’t need to know all the details of abortion to pray for the lives of the unborn.  For example, in our family it is as simple as telling our children that there are many babies in danger of being killed before they are born, and then asking them to stand with us in prayer for them.  They are always eager to pray for these little at-risk lives — it helps them realize that even at their young age, they can become part of God’s rescue solution for these precious children.

Consider volunteering at your local crisis pregnancy center or supporting it financially.  While abortion clinics are lucrative and well-funded, organizations that provide abortion alternatives and free pro-life counseling are often in desperate need of financial support.

Another way to get involved practically in this battle is to reach out to single mothers in your community.  You can also offer practical and spiritual help for families who have chosen to stand for life by adopting or fostering.

You can also become a spiritual mentor for teens and young women in your church or community.  Talk to them about issues of life.  Ask them pointed questions about how they are handling their sexuality.  Point them toward truth.  Be someone they can turn to for answers in a crisis situation.

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These ideas are merely a starting point.  If you make yourself available to become a voice for the voiceless, God will guide you in what specific steps to take.  He cares more about these precious lives than we ever could.  And His eyes are searching to and fro throughout the earth, looking for someone to care as He does.  Are you willing to take on His burden?

Also from among yourselves men will rise up, speaking perverse things, to draw the disciples after themselves.  Therefore watch, and remember that for three years I did not cease to warn everyone night and day with tears.

Acts 20:30-31

A dusky haze settled over the muggy summer evening as the scent of bug spray and concession food wafted through the air.  Busloads of church groups unloaded their giddy passengers while an enormous sound system boomed out pulsating music, setting the tone for the concert that was about to begin.  Thousands of people spread blankets and lawn chairs on the ground of the enormous field, anticipating an exciting evening of music from a well-known Christian band.

Eric (my future husband, who was then a young teenager), sat with some of his family members, unsure what to expect.  They had come to the event because it had been promoted by many local churches and ministries.  His parents, no doubt, thought it would be edifying to gather with so many fellow Christians for a night of worship. They had no way of knowing how wrong that assumption was.

A hush of anticipation settled over the crowd as the pulsating music abruptly stopped and the enormous stage became illuminated with futuristic lights.  Four leather-clad musicians swaggered onto the stage amid a haze of smoke, wielding their instruments like weapons.  A deafening sound shocked through the atmosphere as they began their first song.  The lead singer screeched unintelligible words into the microphone in a high-pitched, maniacal tone, while the other musicians’ bodies contorted crazily as they hammered violently on their drums and electric guitars.  The scene was identical to that of any secular hard rock concert, with absolutely nothing to identify it as “Christian” in any way.

Eric’s mom turned to her family in dismay.  “We need to leave!” she said firmly, grave concern in her voice.  Everyone else quickly agreed. They gathered up their lawn chairs and made their way through the distracted crowd toward the parking lot, confused and disturbed that such behavior was being touted under the banner of a “Christian gathering.”

Later, they learned that a well-known evangelist who’d been at the concert had started running through the audience not long after they had left, trying to warn people of the dangerous activity they were participating in.  In a grieved and despairing voice, he’d cried out the words “Ichabod!  Ichabod!”

Later, they learned that a well-known evangelist who’d been at the concert had started running through the audience not long after they had left, trying to warn people of the dangerous activity they were participating in.  In a grieved and despairing voice, he’d cried out the words “Ichabod!  Ichabod!” to anyone within earshot.  (“Ichabod,” from 1 Samuel 4:21, means “The glory of the Lord has departed!”)

Yet, most of the Christians attending the concert didn’t hear him.  Those who did hear him dismissed the warning as the words of an extremist “kook.”  Nearly every believer at the event was too enamored by the smoke, lights, and noise to recognize that “the glory of the Lord had departed.”

Looking Beyond the Smoke & Lights

Just like that concert, there is a lot of “smoke, lights, and noise” taking place under a Christian banner today. Megachurches, Christian “celebrities,” and trendy Christian messages often dazzle us with impressive bells and whistles that distract the eye and deceive the heart. Like those concert-goers, it’s easy to naively accept anything that is labeled as “Christian,” especially when our fellow believers are enthusiastically participating in it. Add enough glamour and hype to anything “Christian,” and we can quickly become blind to the fact that the glory of the Lord has departed.

Early in my spiritual walk, I used to assume that every Christian book and album that hit the bookstores had somehow been spiritually directed and biblically tested by a committee of trusted, honorable, godly Christian elders.  I had observed the fact that pastors often looked to the newest Christian books to shape the direction of their churches and that music leaders usually followed the trends of the latest Christian artists to shape their church’s worship services.  It only seemed reasonable that the messages which were so influential in molding our churches would have first gone through a careful vetting and evaluation process to make sure they were in alignment with God’s pattern, nature, and Word.

It wasn’t until Eric and I became closely involved with the Christian publishing and music world that we realized how far from reality this assumption was.  

I vividly remember sitting across the table with the president of one of the largest Christian publishing companies as he bluntly told us that Christian publishing was an industry, not a ministry, and that making money, not making disciples, was their ultimate goal.

Another time, the CEO of a well-known Christian record label told us plainly that most of the new artists their company signed were teenagers who didn’t care much about God but just wanted to be famous. “It’s kind of sad,” he admitted, “but in the end we have to make money, so we sign them anyway.”

This widespread mindset in the Christian “industry” has provided an inroads for all kinds of flawed messages to enter the church and influence Christian thinking.  Many fame-and-money-driven artists and authors have wreaked havoc upon the hearts of unsuspecting believers who assume that their messages must be healthy since they bear a Christian label.

Many fame-and-money-driven artists and authors have wreaked havoc upon the hearts of unsuspecting believers who assume that their messages must be healthy since they bear a Christian label.

And then there is the incredible phenomenon of the Internet; a platform that can enable you to “make yourself famous” if you know how to wield it.  These days, you don’t need much knowledge of Scripture or proven godly character to influence modern Christianity.  If you have talent, likability, marketing skills, and a strong social media platform you can become the “next big thing” to hit the Christian world. 

For example, the other day I received a letter from a Christian publisher who was attempting to garner my support for an up-and-coming new author.  The letter did not mention anything about this author’s message, her walk with God, or her spiritual background.  It only talked about how many followers she had on Instagram and how many likes she had on Facebook.  Her credibility as a minister of the Gospel came solely from the fact that she had gained popularity online.

It’s no wonder that there is so much confusion within Christianity today.  We live in a day and age where “righteousness stands at a distance; truth has stumbled in the streets, and honesty cannot enter,” (Is. 59:14 NIV). Truth-centered, Christ-focused, biblically-sound believers are no longer commonplace; they have become the exception.

Rediscovering Godly Discernment

As set apart women living in such an era, we do not have the option of passively accepting anything and everything that is being dished out to us in the name of Christianity. Instead, God desires to equip us with the lost art of godly discernment.  We must learn to clearly recognize the difference between truth and error, and proactively protect our souls against the enemy’s insipid lies. Otherwise, we are in danger of becoming the “weak-minded women” that Paul warns about in 2 Timothy 3:6:  “For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins…” (NASB).

“Captivate” in this verse means “to lead into captivity.” In other words, if we listen and agree with the deceitful voice of the enemy, we cannot be bondservants of Christ because we have become enslaved to a lie. And “weak women” in this verse is a contemptuous term that means “silly and foolish.” We need only to study the fate of the “fool” in Proverbs to learn the end result of choosing this destructive path!

But God has not left us to fend for ourselves amid all the confusion and deception that surrounds us today. He desires us to “come to the knowledge of the truth” (1 Tim. 2:4) even more than we desire it for ourselves.  He does not intend us to spend our Christian lives being “tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting” as it says in Ephesians 4:14.

Proverbs 8:33-35 presents us with a glorious promise, “Hear instruction and be wise, and do not disdain it.  Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors.  For whoever finds me finds life, and obtains favor from the Lord.”

Godly discernment is available for every one of us.  But it doesn’t just automatically come to us.  We have a responsibility before God to listen to His voice, to hear His wisdom and not disdain it, to watch daily at His gates, and to wait at the posts of His doors.  And He promises that if we seek His wisdom diligently, we will find it (see Proverbs 8:17).

If you have ever struggled to know whether a Christian book, message, musician, or leader is truly Christ-centered, biblically sound, and worthy of your respect and attention, then I encourage you to actively develop and cultivate the lost art of godly discernment.

Here are four essential principles to help you toward that goal.

1. Beware of Itching Ears

Several years before giving his life on the mission field in South America, Jim Elliot wrote about a woman he knew who had defended a certain style of worship service, declaring it to be “most satisfying to me as an individual.”  In reflecting upon this comment, Jim remarked in a private letter, “What in all eternity has that got to do with it?  Have her personal likes and dislikes any right to dictate method in the holy church of God?  It is this attitude which has brought hopeless confusion into our present order … let God be true and every man a liar.  Is it His way?  Then let my personal likes be filed in the waste can.”

As modern believers, we are very much like the woman Jim described — prone to believing that something is right based solely upon how it makes us feel.  As a result, many of us have developed a classic case of “itching ears” when it comes to Christian messages:

“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables” (2 Tim. 4:3-4).

“Itching ears” in this verse means to be “desirous of hearing something pleasant.” When we having itching ears, we no longer want to be molded and shaped by God’s truth, or convicted and refined by His Spirit. We try to modify His Word to align with our own ideas and desires, rather than let our ideas and desires come under submission to His Word.

There are many ear-tickling messages prevalent in the church today.  Messages that exhort us to pursue our own happiness, fight for our own applause, cling to our own desires and wants, pattern our lives after the trends of pop-culture, treat sin with a wink and a chuckle, and make the Christian life all about self are a few of the most common ones.  And often, these ear-tickling messages come in attractive packages.  When a little bit of truth is carefully blended with an ear-tickling lie, it’s easy to become convinced that it must be on target, simply because it sounds so pleasant and right.  Ear-tickling messages never bring us to a place of conviction, repentance, or brokenness over our sin.  Instead, they merely help us put a spiritual label over our self-focused, sinful lives and provide us with a plethora of excuses for never needing to change or grow.

If you find yourself evaluating a message based on how it makes you feel or picking and choosing truth based on your personal preferences, you are an “itching ears” believer instead of a discerning one.  So instead of asking, “How do I feel about this?” I encourage you to begin asking an entirely new question, “What does God say about this?” Be willing to “file your personal likes in the waste can” as Jim Elliot said, in order to put God’s ways above your own preferences.

instead of asking, “How do I feel about this?” I encourage you to begin asking an entirely new question, “What does God say about this?” Be willing to “file your personal likes in the waste can” as Jim Elliot said, in order to put God’s ways above your own preferences.

And remember — although God’s conviction might prick, in the end it leads to abundant life and true happiness.  So don’t let your feelings and personal preferences overrule the gentle work of His refining fire in your soul.  “Those whom I love,” He tells us, “I rebuke and discipline” (Rev. 3:19 NIV).  Let us not quell the amazing work of His purifying Spirit by choosing “itching ear” messages. His ways — not ours — are perfect (see Psalm 18:30).

2. Make God’s Word Your Lifeline

When George Müller (the famous missionary to the orphans of England in the 1800s) first became a Christian, he found himself far more drawn to Christian books and religious materials than to the Word of God.  He later wrote,  “I fell into the same snare into which so many young believers fall; the reading of religious books in preference to the Scriptures. My difficulty in understanding [the Bible] and the little enjoyment I had in it made me careless of reading it. And thus, like many believers, I practically preferred for the first four years of my divine life the works of uninspired men to the oracles of the Living God. The consequence was that I remained a babe, both in knowledge and grace.

Many of us can relate to the struggle he describes.  There are so many devotionals, books, blogs, and Bible studies available to us that it’s easy to turn to those things as our primary source of spiritual fuel.  But nothing can replace His Word.  It is meant to be “a lamp unto [our] feet and a light unto [our] path” (Ps. 119:105).  If we are careless toward His Word, we will be susceptible to believing lies and error because our feet are not standing on the solid rock of His truth. Now, more than ever, the Bible cannot be our casual companion; it must become our lifeline.  We cannot regard God’s Word as moldable to human opinions and ideas.  We must find out what God says, and then build our lives upon that unshakable foundation.

Christian books and resources certainly have value in a believer’s life.  But if we allow human thoughts to take the place of God’s Word, our ability to discern truth from lies will be hindered.  As Corrie ten Boom once said, “God’s viewpoint is sometimes different from ours — so different that we could not even guess at it unless He had given us a Book which tells us such things.

Early in my Christian walk, for example, I heard a lot of right-sounding messages about the importance of building up my own self-esteem.  Youth leaders and well-meaning Christians told me that if I wanted to be free from insecurity, I should focus on my own inner beauty and goodness and protect my “sense of self” at all costs.  These ideas sounded so healthy and wise that I didn’t even question them.  It wasn’t until a few years later when I began truly digging into the Word of God and immersing myself in the Scriptures that I realized that the popular notion of self-esteem was in direct conflict with Christ’s clear message of self-denial (see Matthew 16:24 and Luke 9:23).

When we are ignorant of God’s Word, we are prone to being tossed about with every wind and wave of doctrine that swirls around us (see Ephesians 4:14).  But when God’s Word is our lamp and our light, we will be much quicker to recognize and renounce ideas that do not align with His pattern.

If you are looking for practical ways to grow in your knowledge of God’s Word, I encourage you to set aside time every day, not just for casually reading your Bible, but for proactively studying the Scriptures and letting them shape your thoughts and beliefs. If you come to a verse or word that you don’t understand, use study tools such as a concordance or BlueLetterBible.org to unearth the true meaning of the words you are reading and the context in which they are written. Take time to memorize larger portions of Scripture and meditate upon them often. Play an audio Bible, such as Word of Promise, in the background as you are driving or doing chores around the house. Immerse yourself in God’s Word as often as you possibly can.

Whenever new thoughts or messages are presented to you, learn to weigh them against the Word of God that you have hidden in your heart.  Before you nod along with other Christians’ ideas, stop and ask yourself some key questions.  Does this message agree with the truth of Scripture, not just on some points, but in its entirety?  Do these thoughts and ideas align with God’s nature and character?  If you are unsure, take time to seek answers in God’s Word. Remember, He has promised that those who diligently seek His wisdom will find it!

3. Embrace the Old Paths

As consumer-driven westerners, we are extremely drawn to anything new and trendy.  We have been conditioned to seek after the “latest and greatest” when it comes to everything from technology to coffee drinks.  And sadly, we often take this consumer mindset into spiritual things as well.  Church leaders and Christian publishers are constantly scrambling to “give the customer what they want” by offering new and exciting bells and whistles to keep their consumer-driven audience interested.  Whether it’s creating a “Biblezine” for young women (turning the Word of God into a fashion magazine because girls today won’t read a normal Bible), offering Xboxes in Sunday school classes (because today’s kids can’t sit through a “boring” Bible lesson), or producing an “interactive media experience” to give weekly Bible study groups a little more pizazz (because the attendees would rather be at home watching reality TV) — the Church today is desperately trying to compete with the culture to somehow keep Christianity exciting.

When we as believers insist on “bells and whistles” to feed our consumer mentalities, we rob the Gospel of its beautiful simplicity and diminish the power of God. We also become prone to deception, because worldly tactics can never communicate the undiluted truth of Jesus Christ.  Certainly there is nothing wrong with utilizing modern technology or creativity to help us deliver truth.  But when our technology and artistry promotes worldly trends or exalts a specific person instead of lifting high the name of Jesus, we can be sure that the glory of God has departed.

One of the best ways you can avoid becoming just another “Christian consumer” is by approaching Christian events, church services, books, music,  and resources with a new attitude.  Instead of asking, “What am I getting out of this — we should be asking “What is God getting out of this?”  When our focus is on the glory of God rather than on feeding our own selfish wants, we won’t chase after every new and trendy message that flashes through modern Christianity.  Rather, we will esteem the “simplicity that is in Christ” (2 Cor. 11:3) — the uncomplicated, powerful, life-changing truth that needs no human bells or whistles to prop it up.  “If I be lifted up,” Jesus says, “I will draw all men unto me” (Jn. 12:32 KJV, emphasis added).

I encourage you to study the lives of men and women throughout Christian history who walked the “old paths” of simple, uncomplicated, powerful Christianity; men like Hudson Taylor, George Müller, D.L. Moody, R.A. Torrey, C.T. Studd, and Jim Elliot — and women like Catherine Booth, Elizabeth Fry, Amy Carmichael, Esther Ahn Kim, Corrie ten Boom, and Gladys Aylward. Their examples will inspire you toward one singular aim in your Christian walk:  not to be entertained or catered to, but simply to love and honor your worthy King.

4. Understand God’s Nature

Over the years, Eric and I have encountered many believers who share our passion to fight for truth and stand against compromise in the Church.  Many of these Christians wield an impressive grasp of doctrine and brilliant-sounding theological arguments.  But all too often, these zealous men and women feel completely justified in taking on an attitude of disgust toward other believers who don’t share their convictions, even openly mocking them for their lack of biblical understanding.  Spending time around Christians who have this attitude has helped us realize that there is a big difference between godly discernment and fleshly criticism.  

As you fight to see the glory of God return to Christianity once again, never forget that truth must always be delivered in a way that reflects God’s nature. Our quest for discernment can quickly turn into a haughty, demeaning attitude toward others if we are not guarded against human anger and pride. No matter how doctrinally sound or intellectually brilliant an idea may be, if it is marked by arrogance and self-seeking, God says it is not of Him: “This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there” (Jas. 3:15-16).

As you seek to grow in godly discernment, be wary of clustering with believers who are impressive in doctrine but deficient in gentleness and love. Their arguments may be compelling and their grasp of Scriptural ideas dazzling, but if they are characterized by an ungracious attitude toward others, they are not operating in cooperation with the Spirit of God. Never confuse discernment with a critical spirit.

Beware of having a “zeal for God, but not according to knowledge” (Rom. 10:2) like many well-meaning Christians who, in their passion to fight for God’s glory, look down on those they disagree with and treat them with contempt.  Scripture tells us clearly, “the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (Jas. 1:20).  It is not merely standing for the truth that matters, but standing for the truth in God’s way.

It is more than possible to stand firm in your convictions while still exuding the love and humility of Christ.  But it doesn’t happen by accident. Look to the Scriptures and study the example of Christ, as well as the lives of strong-yet-humble leaders like Moses, David, and Paul.  While you are growing in discernment, ask God to simultaneously infuse you with His heart, His love, His burden for those who are lost and those who are compromising.  Unless you operate in His attitude of love and grace, your zeal and passion for truth will be rendered completely ineffective and empty (see 1 Corinthians 13:1).

. . .

Becoming a discerning Christian in “such a time as this” can feel like a daunting task.  But I’d like to leave you with two important thoughts.

First, rely on God’s grace.  Don’t try to grow in godly wisdom by looking to your own efforts or willpower.  Ask Him to equip you with the supernatural strength and wisdom you need to navigate the cloudy waters of modern Christianity.  He can remove the fog of confusion and grant you a clear understanding of His truth — all you must do is ask.

Second, remember that Christianity, in a nutshell, is all about Jesus.  You may not yet have every hermeneutic tool mastered, every doctrinal notion refined, or every theological argument perfectly polished or figured out (maybe you don’t even know what the word “hermeneutic” means!). Set your gaze upon Jesus Christ, and He will direct your steps. Reject messages that lead you away from Him, and embrace those that lead you into a fuller surrender to Him. If you fix your eyes upon Him, you will be “neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ” (2 Pet. 1:8).

Jude 1:24 leaves us with a wonderful promise:  “Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy…”

It is God alone who is able to keep us from stumbling.  So let us offer ourselves fully to Him, holding nothing back, that He may lovingly shape us into lights that shine with His glory in the midst of a perverse and crooked generation. (See Philippians 2:15-16.)

“The only true beauty comes from a life fully surrendered to Jesus Christ, where your self has died, has gotten out of the way, and He can be seen in and through you.  John the Baptist said, “I must decrease so that He might increase.”  If we’re in the way, if we’re pursuing the things we want to pursue, living the life that we want to live, His beauty will not be seen in and through us, and we may have a life that looks a little bit cleaner, a little bit more moral than the girls all around us, but we won’t have the essence of the true gospel life, which is becoming a living sacrifice for our King. Nothing that we have is our own anymore.  We don’t have time of our own, money of our own, resources of our own, plans of our own.  It’s now all about Him; it’s not about us. 

When we grow up in Christianity over here, a lot of times we hear about how we’re beautiful, and we have all this value and worth as women because we live in a culture that just bombards us with messages of insecurity.  So, this message of "you’re not good enough," "you’re not pretty enough," "you don’t have the right figure," is constantly in our face.  And so the Christian community has come in saying, “No, no, no, you’re good, you’re beautiful just the way you are.”  But the danger of that message is it often promotes self-esteem, and we’re looking within ourselves trying to find our value, and our beauty, and our worth.  Well, we’re valuable to Jesus Christ before we’re redeemed, but we really won’t have any true beauty until He transforms us from the inside out.

I see a lot of girls.  All of our free time:  Facebook, texting with friends, watching movies, watching TV, obsessing over guys, trying to figure out what we’re going to wear, going to the mall, frittering our life away on these meaningless things.  Meanwhile, there are Christians on the other side of the world literally giving up their very lives for Jesus Christ.

So, I want to challenge you that what we see all around us, and maybe even the version of Christianity that we’ve grown up with, that God is calling us to more than this.  Christ said, “Whoever of you does not forsake all that he has, cannot be My disciple.”  It’s not just saying a sinner’s prayer.  It’s not just acknowledging that Christ died for us.  It’s not just saying, “Oh, this is really great…now I can go to heaven at the end of the road.”  This is about giving up our life.  It’s about a covenant exchange with Him.  It’s about forsaking all that we have. 

When we come to Him do we realize that we can’t hold on to our life?  We have to take up our Cross and follow Him.  We have to become a living sacrifice.  We have to let Him have everything.  It’s a life of true surrender, full surrender.  And He said, “Whoever does not take up his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.”  Are those just nice sounding words…taking up our cross?  Is it just sort of this visual thing in our mind?  I think it was for me for many years.  I didn’t understand what it really meant.  It was just like, “Oh, that’s nice…take up your cross and follow Him.” 

But what is He asking of us?

He gave everything; will we give everything to Him?

Leonard Ravenhill once said that modern Christianity has accepted a counterfeit version of joy and peace by looking to Hollywood and professional sports to bring us delight. We look to movies and television and football games to bring us the pleasure that our King desires to give. And by leaning on worldly entertainment for rest and refreshment, we find only a temporary fix; not lasting happiness or true fulfillment…

Yes, there are a few movies that can actually edify our spirits and lead us closer to Christ. But very few fall into that category. And the bottom line is that the area of worldly entertainment, for most young Christians, has an unhealthy strangle-hold upon us. 

As I said in Authentic Beauty, one of the ways that you can tell something is an “idol” or “other lover” in your life is that you are unwilling to let it go; you can’t picture living without it. Most of us, if we were honest, would have to admit that we are unbelievably attached to the world’s entertainment… the reality is that movies (or T.V. shows) that actually bring glory to God and lead us closer to Christ are the rare exception, not the rule. Most of us are far more influenced by pop-culture than we are by the Word of God… And we wonder why Christ feels distant.

But it’s not just movies and T.V. that has us in its controlling vice. It’s an overall pre-occupation with pop-culture. Music artists, professional athletes, and movie stars claim far more of our applause and attention than Jesus Christ does. 

"Little children, keep yourselves from idols" are the closing words that sum up the entire book of first John. (1 John 5:21 NKJV)

Idols are not just golden statues that people bow down to in ornate temples. An idol is anything that claims our attention and affection above Christ. Most of us verbally declare that Jesus Christ is more important to us than our fetish for music or movies. But what does our life say? Where do we spend the best hours of our day? What do we turn to for enjoyment and comfort?

Tauler wrote, 

“A pure heart is one to which all that is not of God is strange and jarring.”

Pop-culture floods our minds and senses with things that are not of God. But for most of us, the glamorized sin that surrounds us is not strange and jarring. It’s normal and accepted. In fact, we go out of our way to enjoy and participate in it. We even spend a huge amount of our time and money on it. And we allow it to capture our mind, emotion, and attention.

Christ makes it clear that we cannot love both Him and the things that charm and ravish this world. We cannot be dazzled by the images of pop-culture and captivated by the King of all kings:

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world.”  (I John 2:15-16 NKJV)

“Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” (James 4:4)

…Does God stand up and cheer over American Idol? Does He smile with delight over the new Twilight movie? Does He get excited about the latest Cold Play album?

Or does He grieve over our distracted, wandering, divided hearts?