Embracing your limitations

Do not do anything by your own strength. Humility and brokenness before Jesus is always the best place to start. Admit first that, left to your own ways, your own understanding, your own agenda, and your own strength, you will make a mess with your family and home. Confess and bring to light all areas and motivations of fear, pride, selfishness, laziness, anger, resistance, feminism, and worldliness that the Lord reveals are in your heart and life. Then honestly evaluate your skills and know exactly what your limitations are. What are you good at? What are the jobs you don’t know how to do?

Recently, a mama came to me and asked for help. She had already finished homeschooling her older children and has one more to go. She sat on my couch and admitted for the first time that she had not done a good job and wanted to finish well with this one. None of her kids are good learners—they “hate” school, abhor reading, and really have some gaps in their education. Their home is always clean, they are hospitable, everyone cooks well, and the children are respectful. When she went through the significant learning problems and how they did their school, she confessed that she had never wanted anyone to know how confused, hopeless, and intimidated she had felt. It’s not that her children have learning disorders, she just never knew what to do, and so she would bluff her way through or just not do anything. But when she came to me that day, she shared that the Lord had shown her that she had been too proud to admit her weakness and actually wanted to appear like she knew what she was doing. Through tears she made a huge step toward getting free that day and by confessing for the first time out loud, “I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m sick of pretending.” The last child is now reaping the benefit of her humility.

We do not have to be good at everything. In fact, we can even be completely ignorant of how to do certain things. The key is honesty and humility. If we admit, “I don’t know how to cook” or “I’ve never cleaned in my life and I’m a slob,” only good fruit can come from these confessions. Remember: “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). It’s okay that you have lack and need! “When we are weak, then we are strong” for God’s “power is perfected in [our] weakness” when we look to Him in faith (2 Cor. 12:9-10).

Building confidence

So after (and only after) we embrace our limitations and weakness are we ready to confidently move forward. The first question to answer is: Where do you get your confidence? In whom do you place your confidence? In Jesus alone!!! We can do nothing. He, on the other hand, can do all things—all things! So if we take our inability and look to the Lord and His complete capability in faith, what is the outcome? “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13).

I have encountered many women who have no trouble admitting they can’t do something, but that is where they stay. They simply “camp out” in “I can’t,” and sometimes even pride themselves in their “brutal honesty.” But where is the faith in that? When you realize that you stink at organization, cry out in humility to God and then, on the heels of that confession, take one huge step forward into “I can” because “He can.” Through Jesus we can become proficient keepers at home, loving mothers, and trustworthy, faithful wives. The world teaches us to put confidence in our own abilities. You will certainly fail if you place your confidence there. Big deal if you are a great cook or extremely creative or a really good teacher. Even though you may be naturally talented/gifted in a few areas, ultimately you cannot pull it all off and do it in peace while abiding in the Spirit! But when we fully see the whole picture of everything there is to be and to do as “keepers at home” and let Him fill us and lead us, then we can confidently tackle it all knowing He has made a way.

I would like to share a few examples from my own life of how the Lord helped and strengthened me in my great weaknesses. Through these stories, I hope that you will recognize that He can do the same for you in the areas where you have lack as you look to Him in faith.

Teriyaki chicken?!?!

When I was first married, I had a lot of “want to” but few skills. I did not know how to cook, clean, sew, or garden, and I certainly did not know how to write. But what I did have is a rich relationship with the Lord Jesus, a solid marriage, and a willingness to learn. I also didn’t mind trying and failing, though it was embarrassing sometimes.

I remember when I was first learning to cook that I attempted a few recipes that I got from some sisters. Two of them turned out okay but another one that I tried was probably the most disgusting concoction I have ever put in my mouth. Now you have to understand: Matthew loves Chinese food but I didn’t know the first thing about stir-frying or making a sauce. I had never eaten the stuff and so I didn’t even have an idea of what it was supposed to taste like. I grew up on food out of a box like Hamburger Helper or “Steak-n-Taters” TV dinners. We also occasionally had hamburgers, hot dogs, tacos, Sloppy Joes, and frozen pizza. I had figured out how to open a can of green beans or corn and how to follow the instructions on the instant mashed potatoes box, but I had never seen a fresh vegetable washed or cut up.

Well, one dear sister said that she found a Teriyaki chicken recipe just for me, and that sounded a lot like Chinese food to me. As I read the recipe, it sounded nasty. The sauce called for 1 cup of ketchup and the juice from canned pineapples. Stir-frying the chicken went great and I added the frozen broccoli and frozen cut onions it called for. I dumped in these things called water chestnuts and bamboo shoots. Then, very apprehensively, I poured in the disgusting smelling sauce and finished preparing the meal. My husband was so excited when I told him we were having Chinese food. We sat down at our small little newlywed table and both took a bite. I instantly began to gag and had to run to the potty. My poor Sweetie! He tried so hard, but, after his second bite, my extremely gracious husband couldn’t choke it down. I felt so stupid.

I embraced my weakness and sought the Lord for His help. I knew that if He had called me to be a “keeper at home,” then somehow He had made a way and would enable me to find it and function in a way that took good care of my family. Through the disastrous Teriyaki Chicken episode, I learned that just because something is an “official recipe,” it doesn’t mean it is good tasting food. That dish sounded nasty to me when I had read it the first time, so, from that moment on, I went with what sounded right. After stumbling through a few more recipes, the desire rose up in me to really learn to cook and not just follow recipes and I decided to go for it. I bought a couple of recipe books and went through them from front to back and I learned to cook. I figured out things like what thickens sauces, how bread rises, how to steam veggies, how to cut up a chicken, how long to cook roast, etc. I learned the taste of all the spices, and what things combine well and what things don’t, and many, many more cooking skills.

Before long, I became more confident in the kitchen. I even learned how to make really good Chinese food and have since even taught others how. I have now taught my daughters to cook the same way. I love to get to pass along what I know and I am so glad that, by the Lord’s abundant supply of grace, I did what it took to learn how to cook and not just put food on the table.

Tutored by pillowcase seams

Another example from my own life was with sewing. Two months after I got married, a sister gave me her old sewing machine that she had used for 15 years. Thankfully it came with a book! It was avocado green and had many things wrong with it. We didn’t have the money to get it worked on, so I read through the book, took some things apart, asked people questions, looked at other machines, cleaned the entire inside, refastened some parts, and even glue-gunned a toothpick to hold the spool on the top. I then got a pattern but was not able to grasp one single concept. I didn’t know anything about sewing, but I really wanted to learn how. I asked the Lord for His help and to show me how to get started.

Soon thereafter I was looking at a pillowcase and noticed how they did the seams and thought, “I can make a pillow.” I was beside myself when I made my first pillow. I took old sheets and people’s old throw-away clothes and made throw pillows for my new home and to give as gifts. Looking back, I snicker as I remember how proud I was of my new-found craft.

I then decided I wanted to make curtains for my house. I collected what I could—things like garage sale sheets and even unwanted garments that I had to take the buttons, ribbons, and pretty edges off of. I know that I know that curtains were never intended to be put together how mine were, but I loved them. I even managed to impress a few friends who asked what pattern I used. “Pattern? Oh no, not that!” I cringed every time I heard the word.

After my “success” at making curtains, I decided it was time to make clothes. I started with dresses and moved on to skirts. My “patterns” were dresses and skirts that I already owned. I would lay the whole dress or skirt on top of the fabric and cut enough for a seam allowance and gathers. I had so much fun and, through this process, I figured out in my own way how to sew. Since then, I have had friends show me how to use those dreaded patterns, but my favorite dresses and skirts for my girls are still the ones I make with my “quick method.” They fit better, they are simple, and it takes me only 30 minutes to a couple of hours to make each dress or skirt.

I am definitely not an exceptional seamstress and I don’t really even ever care to be. But I am immensely content with what I know and have figured out. I have let my girls sew as soon as their foot can reach the pedal. I give some guidance and help rip seams, but mostly I encourage them to experiment, create, and enjoy learning to sew. We all love it. I have found so many young women discouraged because they have “what’s perfect” as their goal. Who said it is ungodly to have a crooked seam? Who cares if mistakes are made? Some of my favorite pieces have been those where I had to cover a mistake somehow and it ended up even better. The point is to go for it, try, and let go of all your silly, unreasonable expectations. And I promise you will improve with practice.

Cleaning by doing

Learning to clean and learning how to enjoy it fell into place very well when I simply acted. Instead of hiding behind “I don’t know how to… [mop or keep my home clean, etc.],” I simply decided to keep my home picked-up and orderly and clean, and asked the Lord for grace to stay consistent. At first, I really didn’t understand how much time it took to keep up everything, but when I submitted to the reality that dishes do not wash themselves, potties become nasty if left unattended for too long, and floors have to be swept often or your feet will get filthy. It came down to common sense and principles of sowing and reaping. If you struggle in this area, I encourage you to open your eyes and honestly evaluate the condition of your home as far as cleanness goes. See what needs to be cleaned and determine how often you need to clean it in order to maintain overall, ongoing cleanliness. Be honest with yourself and be willing to be a hard worker. I guarantee that the Lord will empower you to become a pro at housecleaning.

Going from plant killer to green thumb

I remember the first plant I ever had—it didn’t have a chance. The poor things died of thirst in a dark nook in the corner of my living room. I love what is living. I love the beauty God has created all around us. But I did not have a “green thumb.” I honestly didn’t know the first things about plants, flowers, or gardening. I was not even able to tell you what the difference was between an annual and a perennial. Well, we had moved out into the country and I really wanted to learn more about gardening. I read a book about gardening in Texas from cover to cover several times over and also asked loads of questions (probably lots of dumb questions!) to anyone who seemed to know something.

I picked building flowerbeds as my first project. I started with some worthless clay soil in front of our house and dug it all up and dumped it out in the woods. I then found some good dirt and brought it in. To improve the soil, I got some broken bags of compost and manure from a nursery that was throwing them away. As I learned the names of all the flowers and what they needed, etc., I decided I liked perennials because they would come back to see me year after year instead of dying on me. We did not have any money at the time to invest in a flower garden so I found a nursery that didn’t mind me going through their dumpster. They even offered to help me load whatever I found when there was a whole bunch that had been thrown away. You wouldn’t believe what all I got for free! I got a lot of flats of beautiful flowers that they had thrown away just because they were not “perfect” for display and selling. There were even roses and bushes, and I was so excited when I came across a certain perennial that I had read about and had put on the list of what I wanted. Nursing plants back to health and working with the soil taught me a lot about gardening and, in the process, I discovered many wonderful parallels between gardening and our life in Christ. I also helped others in their yards and most of the time they would let me dig things up to replant and start in my yard. I absolutely fell in love with gardening.

After that I learned all about vegetables and this is where Matthew really became interested in gardening too. We involved our children and our family has enjoyed gardening together ever since. We sold our organically grown vegetables, herbs, and fresh cut flowers at the local Farmers’ Market for 3 years. This family enterprise taught our children basic business skills, how to talk with people in the community, how to see things through, and a whole lot more. Some of our favorite times together as a family have been in the garden. With each of our little ones, as soon as they can walk, they get their little toes in the moist soil and plant seeds, harvest tomatoes, and pull out grub worms.

Now, I am not one of those who equates gardening with godliness. But, for us, it has been very rewarding— practically, nutritionally, financially (a little), and even spiritually. Instead of involvement in sports, dance lessons, or movie going, we spend time working side by side, sweating and laughing. The context of gardening has always seemed to fit togetherness and simplicity and is more conducive than other activities for sharing life in Jesus. Had I been too proud to learn back there at the beginning of this journey, I would have missed something I believe the Lord has used in many ways.

Writing, or, Facing my Goliath!

Here is one area that I felt the most intimidated by. Quite a few years ago, I got a call from a precious sister (an incredible writer) asking if I would write a couple of articles for publication. She had heard some of my teaching tapes and the Lord had put it on her heart to ask me to put some of it down in writing. I had never felt weaker in my life. I love challenges and I love to learn new things, but writing?! My husband, Matthew, is the writer, not me. I stink! And that is an understatement. Yet at this sister’s request, I sought the Lord, wondering if He really might want to use me in the area of writing.

Now you need to understand how truly helpless I felt. Growing up in school, I barely made it through grammar. I tested out okay, but never understood what I was learning. All those exceptions to rules, parts of speech, etc., had no application for me. When I wrote papers in my English classes, the ones who helped me edit my rough draft would comment that my content was all one big run-on sentence. I didn’t know how to communicate with the restrictions of sentence structure, nor did I know anything about dividing my thoughts up into segments that flowed through written words, and then there was the matter of having to start and finish an actual sentence.

I love communicating—verbally. I use lots of gestures and facial expressions. I have been told I am quite vivid. When I see my children’s dramatic faces, I think “Man! That looks just like faces my Dad or my Mema (grandmother) would make.” I am amazed at how wide their eyes get and how much is communicated in these exaggerated contortions. Then it dawns on me once again that they are imitating me. I also communicate interactively. I love feedback and when I am sharing I say, “Ya know?” or “You got it?” or “You know what I mean?” quite often. If faces are blank, then I find another example or another angle from which to say it in order to help them understand. Then, when I see things “click” or “the light bulbs come on” and I can tell they got what I was saying, it brings a completion and a certain satisfaction that we have connected. But when it comes to writing and I look at my blank sheet of notebook paper, I am trying to interact but no one is there.

It has always been a joke between Matthew and me because I don’t know how to deliver my heart in written words but this is where he thrives. He will respond to emails for me (I still don’t do this—the computer part really throws me). I would rather sing to someone than to have to put my feelings down in a card. When reading over things I had written, my comments were always the same, “This is not what I’m trying to say,” or “This is too flat—my heart is not expressed.” Well, back to the sister’s request for me to write articles… I actually broke down crying and felt completely overwhelmed. Matthew looked at me and said, “Honey, this is the Lord. Just give Him your ‘five loaves and two fish’ and let Him feed the multitudes.”

I have learned a whole lot over these years through my husband being the wonderful editor that he is. My first few articles had lots of “Ya know” and “Do you understand” statements that my husband had to delete. In the margins of my rough drafts, I write notes to Matthew like, “Help this part, Sweetie, I can’t express what I mean here,” and he helps me reword them. I still write articles longhand in spiral notebooks because I can scratch out where I mess up and it still feels more comfortable to me than writing on the computer. Every time I get a letter or email from someone who has been encouraged by my writing or whose life changed significantly because of something they read by me, I am humbled! Truly humbled! I look at Jesus and say, “Lord, thank you for using the foolishness and weakness of man. You get all the glory!”

I am still continually blown away that I write. Even now, I just laugh out loud. I don’t have to tell you that I am not one of those eloquent writers who paint these beautiful pictures with their words and lead you on a journey where you get lost in the story. I am to the point and simple, and I will never be anything but that, yet He uses our weakness. I know this first-hand very well.

Don’t be scared to try!

I could share many more stories from my life, but, as you can see, I started my journey of being a “keeper at home” with a lot of handicaps, but I have found the Lord’s grace more than sufficient to flow through these very weaknesses to help me function according to His desire. In closing, I would like to leave you with these three encouragements…

© Copyright 2007 Kindling Publications Used with Permission.

The point here is that Jesus has loved, and continues to love us wholly. Everything He does, every expression of His love is wholehearted and fully delivered. “Greater love has no man than this.” (John 15:12-13). There is nothing timid or half-hearted about Jesus. His love goes beyond human affection, duty, and “having a commitment,” to that “which surpasses knowledge” (Eph. 3:14-19).

It is good that we take in and abide in His love always. But this is not an end in itself. He also wants us to become like Him in how we love too.

Are you daily endeavoring to follow His example? Do you display and deliver your love to those around you like He has? Loving is not some sideline of the Christian life-it encapsulates the whole of scripture and embodies the greatest two commandments we have been given to us by the Lord (Matt. 22:34-40). It is the very “goal of our instruction” (1 Tim. 1:5). When we read First Corinthians 13, we see that walking in love IS A BIG DEAL-so big, in fact, that Paul amazingly declared that it is “a more excellent way” than even walking in all the spiritual gifts and the functioning of the gifted men that the Lord has appointed in the church, as important as those things are (1 Cor. 12:27-31, 14:1). Loving in a way that corresponds to Him is the very quality of the heart and practice of the bride of Christ.

What about these verses? Do you embrace the loftiness of the standard here or do you dull the point of it by rationalizing that “well it’s just an attitude of the heart” in order to avoid having to apply it in your life? Have you discovered the Lord’s heart in these words and are deepening in walking out their meaning?

How can you tell if you are walking in this kind of love? One way is that when you are out in the world, you are constantly aware of His heart for all, and His love is displayed through your eyes, your words, your tenderness, your kindness, your smile, your questions, your interest, your sacrifices, and your every action. Another way is that you are one that is more than just “willing” to be poured out for the people of God, but you actually live out a daily laying down of your life for the saints. You can also tell that you are walking in that kind of love by people’s feedback. When they think of you they know they are loved-they get it! You know it’s being delivered when they come back for more. They can’t get enough; they want to be close. We are all drawn to love.

This kind of “Philippians 2:3-4 love” shows up in our homes as our being the wife that “the heart of her husband safely trusts in her” (Prov. 31:10-12). Your husband really knows he is loved, he feels it all the times, and he almost wears an invisibly radiant sign that says “I’m taken care of!” It also shows up as our being the mama who is absolutely in love with her children. No matter the cost, lost sleep, financial burden, gained weight, etc., she is the safest place on earth for her children’s hearts. “They know that they know” that they are loved, and they bear no burden of guilt for taking it in because you never complain about the sacrifices your make. You actually have a joy in being burned up for their benefit and welfare.

Wherever we are in our life in God, one thing for sure is that He is working in and through us to deepen our capacity for loving as He loves. Like Paul’s exhortation to the church of the Thessalonians, there is always room for us “to excel still more” (1 Thes. 4:9-12). I find it helpful to recognize different aspects of walking in love because I can then be more keenly aware of areas where I need to grow. Here are four parts I see in loving.

We must be emptied In order to love as Jesus loved, we have to be empty ourselves just as He emptied Himself (Phil. 2:5-8). To quote my dad, “You can’t put something where something else already is.” The love of God cannot fill our heart when something else is occupying its space. Allow the Lord to expose selfishness, unforgiveness, pride, fear, worries, cares, lusts, and any other impurities of the heart. Do whatever it takes to “pluck out” whatever needs to go and allow Him to do His transforming work in your heart (Matt. 5:29-30). Because our hearts are deceitful and we, therefore, do not see ourselves accurately (Jer. 17:9-10), we need to invite the Lord daily: “Lord, purify me. Lord, expose my hidden motives. Show me where I am selfish."

Also, be accountable to others-we need each other to help us see our junk. Be humble and open and receive the needed corrections and admonitions that Jesus brings through the members of His body, as this is His express provision for keeping our hearts from being hardened (Heb. 3:12-15). Do you want more of Him in your life? Do you desire to love, really love, as He loves? Then be tenacious about putting your flesh to death (Rom. 8:12-14, 13:14). When we live at this place of being emptied, His pure love can fill our hearts and what we give will be completely originating from His Spirit.

Considering one another

As we are emptying ourselves, the next thing I see is “considering one another” (Heb. 10:24-25, Phil. 2:3-4). We do this by holding someone in our heart. It is more than merely “thinking” about them. It is embracing and loving that person before the Lord. Let me give an example. Let’s say that my husband, Matthew, has been out of town and is now on his way home. In order to love him fully, I can prepare my heart by first removing anything yucky in my heart that would get in the way of loving. But then I move on to considering him. I pray for him, take into account what his needs might be in getting home from a long trip, think about the things that bless him, and even ponder afresh all the things about him that I so dearly love. By the time he gets home, my love for him is overflowing. I have seen this happen so many times, and, thankfully, instead of him coming home to a preoccupied, uninterested, or even cold wife, I am ready to pour out my love on him.

We think that sometimes we can go hurriedly through life but then abruptly stop at strategic moments and love each other as Jesus loves us. What we are really doing is fulfilling our duty and our set of “supposed to’s,” and doing so in our spare moments or in the minimal amount of time we think will “do the trick.” Gross! Would you want to be “loved” as someone’s afterthought or as part of someone’s chores or checklist? Loving as Jesus loves doesn’t work that way. It takes grace-empowered effort on our part, and part of that effort is focused in giving unhurried, thoughtful consideration to one another.

Considering others enlarges our hearts and focuses on them. As we learn to live considering others all the time, there is no dwelling on ourselves and our own interests and trying to get our own need met (1 Cor. 13:5). “Me, me, me” quickly fades away and genuinely loving others becomes primary. If you live focused on yourself or on life’s busyness, or even if you are just kind of dead inside and “nobody’s home,” it will take a while to train yourself (acquire the capacity) to continually be aware of the needs of others, to constantly be considering how to love, and, for the sake of others, to look for “their proper food at the proper time” (1 Pet. 1:22, Heb. 10:24, Matt. 24:45-51, Eph. 4:29). Be encouraged. I have seen people who have gone from being completely self-absorbed and unloving to become delightful saints who pour out, who are always being burned up, who walk full of faith and love, who have a timely word of encouragement around every turn, who have eyes that look straight into yours and declare that you are loved by the Father.

Living vulnerably If we are going to love as Jesus loves, we must cultivate living vulnerably all the time. No walls. No thick layers of self-protective fortifications that keep you pulled in and hidden away. He has called us to enter His kingdom as children (Matt. 18:3-4). He has called us to a life of letting go and walking in full abandonment to His Spirit, not caring what others think or say or do. How did Jesus live? Did He pridefully sit above others, analyzing them or haughtily looking down upon them? Was He emotionally detached from people, ever keeping them at arm’s length? No! He was fully there, always loving, always pouring out, and completely touchable. This is yet another area where we need to be “transformed into His image” (Rom. 8:29, 2 Cor. 3:18).

If you are someone who strives to maintain a reputation of “always having it together,” of if you are someone who is quite reserved, or, for whatever reason, you are one who doesn’t live vulnerably with your heart always open and fully available, then there is no way you can really love. If relationships scare you because you have been burned or because you fear allowing others to really see your heart, then humble yourself, cry out to the Lord, and do whatever it takes to pull the walls down. Love cannot flow out through fortress walls.

Delivering love I hope that you can see that emptying yourself, considering others, and living vulnerably are places we must come from in our heart if we are to love as Jesus loves. If you feel like you are at “square one,” begin practicing these things with those closest to you-your husband, your children, and the saints you relate to the most-and then learn to so walk in every facet of life. As you do these things, the delivery of His love is as simple as opening your mouth and speaking, or giving that hug, or serving with your hands, or doing whatever rightly expresses the love of God that is filling your heart. If your heart is wholly behind these actions then real love is truly conveyed. It will be warm and so blatantly sincere, not detached. It will very obviously be a heart thing and not a cranial head thing. It will come over as the joy that it is, not as a duty fulfilled. I guarantee you that the love being expressed through your body language, eye contact, tone of voice, and overall expression will be genuine and very evident, and your love-His love-will be fully given and delivered.

© Copyright 2007 Kindling Publications Used with Permission

".for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God."

(Exodus 20:5, 34:14)

Webster’s Dictionary defines the word “jealous” as “intolerant of rivalry.” It should come as no surprise to us then that the Lord, in the context of warning His people about idolatry, describes himself as “jealous,” and even said His very Name is “Jealous.” The Lord Jesus wants all of our hearts and lives all of the time, and anything short of whole-hearted devotion is an affront to Him. Why? Because we have allowed something-which is an idol-to rival Him, and, tragically, to even surpass Him in claiming our heart’s affections. Hebrews 4:13 says, “There is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.” Whenever we are holding back aspects of our lives from Him, or we have become captivated by something or someone other than Him, it does not go without His notice. What does He see when He gazes into our hearts and lives? Do we provoke Him to jealousy (1 Cor. 10:14-22, James 4:4-5)?

Some years ago I had the honor of meeting an apostle (in the truest sense of the word) from Nepal named Prem Pradham. This man spent more than 10 years in harsh prisons, where he brought many men to the Lord and discipled them so that, upon their release, they returned to their villages and raised up churches all over Nepal. This dear little man, who was no more than 5’ 6” tall, endured beatings, torture, starvation, exposure to the cold, and was even placed in solitary confinement in a hut with dead prisoners’ corpses for three months. The stories he told of the saints in Nepal were very stirring. But what got my attention the most was his description of how he and the other Christians in Nepal came to the Lord.

In Nepal, it is against the law to “change from the religion of your birth,” that is, from the religion of the family you were born into. So when Prem and others presented the Lord Jesus and the good news of the kingdom of God to people, the choice to follow Him came with the immediate realization that they were also choosing to become fugitives. Upon being baptized, new faith in Jesus was welcomed by arrest and punishment by law of a minimum of two years in prison. Because of this, from the very beginning, they understood that they had to give the Lord everything-all of their lives. Of course, just like us, they had to grow and be sanctified in many areas of their walk, but because of such a good foundation, whatever stage of life in the Lord they found themselves in, they were giving Him their all. These saints had a profound realization that they were here on the earth for the Lord and His purposes, no matter the cost, and this was proven out in their lives and choices.

In sharp contrast, many people today in Western nations come to the Lord in a context that costs them very little. Some want to add Jesus to their life to help them with their problems. Others want Him for the “God section” of their lives so as to have a wholesome belief system, ethics, inspiring devotions, and Sunday religion. Here in the United States, you can come to Jesus at a “Christian alternative music” rock concert and go right on piercing and tatooing your body and pursuing worldly trends, but now supposedly be doing it for the Lord. Women can come to Jesus and go right on pursuing feminist goals and ideals. Christians here feel persecuted when someone at their restaurant table prays over the meal and a stranger gives them a look. And we could go on and on. The message that so often tragically comes forth today is that you can add Jesus to your life and pursuits, and it will cost you little in terms of laying down your life, fitting around His Lordship, and putting to death the deeds of the flesh. Many today have no comprehension that He mercifully saved them “for His good pleasure.” The Apostle Paul said that those of us who are born of the Spirit “are not our own,” for we belong to the Lord (1 Cor. 6:19). Much of our Christianized culture encourages lukewarmness because lukewarm is closer to hot than cold is, and therefore looks better and is more acceptable. God help us!

Ladies, the Lord wants all of us: all of our lives, all of our motivations, all of our devotion. He does not want us to allow anything to “rival” Him in importance in our hearts and lives. It is not acceptable to Him that we section Him off to a devotional time in the morning or a meeting on a certain day of the week. He wants all of our day everyday! Nor is it acceptable to Him that we go to sleep from time to time, becoming passive of heart toward Him and His kingdom. He desires us engaged in active faith, trusting Him in all things, seeking first His kingdom, pursuing His will for our lives wholeheartedly, fervent in spirit, on our feet, on our face, on the edge of our seat, always at the ready for whatever He has. Does He forgive us when we give Him less than our all, hold to idols in our heart, go to sleep, and become weighted down with the cares of this life? Yes, He does. But is a partial life for Him what we are settling for, or is our pursuit to follow Him completely? What does our life and choices tell us? Let’s aim to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit a hundred-fold!

This brings us back to our day-to-day lives. We all know many of the things the Lord wants us as women to do. If you are unsure, take a moment to read Proverbs 31, 1 Peter 3, 1 Timothy 2 & 5, Titus 2, and other such passages. How can we as women maintain such a heart and fervency in the midst of housework, crying babies, homeschooling, dirty dishes, etc? In Luke 10:38-42 we are told the story about Mary and Martha, and the Lord Jesus’ response to each of them that day. Mary chose to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to what He had to say. She was engrossed in the Lord, and He said she chose “the better part,” that which was truly important and of eternal significance. Martha, as we know, was very busy serving the Lord. I’m sure everything she did was good and noble and truly hospitable. But Jesus said she was “worried and bothered about so many things.” Where was Martha’s heart? Fretting, busy, comparing (to Mary, v. 40), and preoccupied. On the other hand, where was Mary’s heart? On the Lord Jesus.

There are many places in the scriptures, like those listed above, where women are exhorted to serve, be workers at home, devoted to good works, love their husband and children, be submissive, etc., etc. The standards for women are very high, and the Lord calls us to all of these things. But this calling is never to the neglect of our maintaining the heart of Mary, and staying before Him in our hearts, even while vacuuming and changing diapers. It is so easy to be tripped up and allow our heart’s focus to become consumed (i.e., “worried and bothered”) with all these things-even the very things the Lord has called us to do! Martha was, after all, busy serving the Lord Himself! But her heart, at least on that particular day, was far away from Him. Our hearts must stay at His feet, praying without ceasing, seeking first His kingdom, saturated with His Holy Spirit.

Sisters, believe me, I understand how what I am saying sounds impossible. We love the idea of this, but the doing of it eludes us. However, the Lord never calls us to that which He does not also enable us to do. In Matthew 13:33, the Lord said, “The kingdom of heaven is like leaven, which a woman took, and hid in three pecks of meal, until it was all leavened.” The key word here is “until.” It takes time to become completely “leavened” in our day-to-day walk with the kingdom of God. Our part is to continually engage ourselves with His “leaven,” daily “kneading” it into our hearts and minds with our “all,” regardless of whether our all is a “shallow all” or a “deep “all.” If we are faithful in this, He is more than faithful to permeate our lives with the precious leaven of His kingdom, deepen and enlarge our capacities for abiding in Him, and keep us awake and fervent of heart.

Some of you reading this may be saying, “Yes! Amen! But I have no idea where to even start.” Let me offer you some things I have found that really help. Begin your day with the Lord. Take/make the time to come before Him before your day gets going, and allow your heart to be quieted and stilled before Him. Incline your ear to Him, whether He speaks anything to you at that particular time or not. Simply wait before Him in alertness and love and readiness and peace. Lay your day at His feet. Give Him your list of things you need to do. If He has you pray for someone or something, or read a particular scripture, follow His lead, but continue all the while in that place of quiet waiting and listening.

But now comes the critical next step: learn to abide in this place before Him as you walk out the bedroom door and begin your day of functioning. Don’t leave the Lord in your bedroom or your “quiet time,” walk on with Him from there out into whatever your day holds. Learn to keep your heart stilled and quieted and attentive before Him, regardless of what you are doing. If that means you have to close your eyes while you stir the soup or make more frequent trips to the bathroom simply to get somewhere where you can resettle and refocus your heart on Him, do whatever it takes. If you find yourself asleep in your heart, wake up and go on. Don’t fret around in guilt when you stumble, this will only hinder the deepening process. Just confess it and go on. Remember, such “leavening” takes time.

One of the most profound helps is singing to the Lord throughout the day. Ephesians 5:18-19 says, “.be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord.” Sing to Him all through the day. Have your children join with you. Allow the joy of the Lord to fill your heart. If you are somewhere where singing out loud is not appropriate, then hum to the Lord! I have found engaging my heart in humming to the Lord keeps the words to the songs running through my mind, and, more importantly, helps me stay in that place at His feet-fervent yet at peace, listening yet content, awake and sober yet not heavy and sluggish. Also that Ephesians 5 passage goes on to say “always giving thanks for all things in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father” (v. 20). I have found that truly “giving thanks for all things” goes hand-in-hand with growing in my discernment of seeing the Lord’s hand in all things, which, again, helps my heart stay centered on/with Him.

One word of caution and warning: In your learning to do this, beware of developing a heart-posture of pushing away any and everything that distracts simply because your capacity for abiding before the Lord throughout your day is small, and you feel like you’re drowning in a sea of distractions. You will inadvertently end up pushing away your husband, your children, your home, the saints, and things that are good. The goal here is to learn to abide before the Lord with a quieted heart in the midst of dealing with and relating to all these necessary things. Of course if something is truly a distraction, don’t hesitate to “nip it in the bud” or otherwise deal with it decisively (you can always push away the influences of the world). Beware of engaging in “worldly and empty chatter,” whether in person or on the telephone, for this will get you off real fast. If you listen to the radio or watch television, take note of whether or not they draw you away from this place, for they easily can and will. Don’t hesitate to question your investment of attention or time in anything that draws your heart away from the Lord or lulls you to sleep.

Ladies, let us continually give our all to our precious Lord, whose Name is Jealous, and bring joy to His heart in doing so!

Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise. (Ephesians 5:15)

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3)

.walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. (Ephesians 5:2)

Try this exercise: When you wake-up tomorrow morning, read each one of these challenges given and endeavor to completely follow each one of them. Sometimes we read the Bible and we become inspired and then stop there. His word is not just nice devotional material, bedtime stories, or “food for thought.” This is what The Almighty is speaking to us. It’s His promises, His plan, His heart, His purposes, and His commands. Instead of merely reading, listening, and understanding what He has called us to, let’s fulfill His intention and take the next step and OBEY and DO IT!

But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. (James 1:22)

Challenge #2 Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Let everything you do today come from this place. Do not seek to please yourself, meet your own needs, or preserve your life, but instead, take every opportunity to lay down your rights. Is it okay if you spend your entire day pouring out and your only reward is of eternal value? He has called us to be a living sacrifice and to selflessly give, expecting nothing in return (Luke 6:32-35, Rom. 12:1).

Challenge #3 Philippians 2:14 says that we are “to do all things without grumbling or disputing.” Are you a complainer or a “bellyacher”? I exhort you to put away all grumbling. Don’t even let yourself gripe about the weather or about the lady who cut in front of you on the highway. The moment we open the door to this junk we cease fellowshipping with Jesus! Is it worth being separated from Him just to get to vent a little frustration? “In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus,” we are also commanded (1 Thes. 5:18). When you go about your day today, give thanks instead (Eph. 5:3-10). It sure makes a place for us to continue in faith and “acknowledge Him in all our ways.” When you feel the grumbling rising up within you, when you find out your husband is coming home late, rejoice that you have a husband. If one of your children is sick, resist the temptation to fret about it and pray instead. Our bad attitudes will never produce good fruit.

Challenge #4 Romans 12:2 says that we are to “not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” I John 2:15 says, “Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” Do you take your cues from the world? Are you “in the know?” Do you conform yourself to the latest fashions, opinions, philosophies, and debates of this world? He has called us out, and called us to be holy as He is holy (Read 2 Cor. 6:14-7:1, 1 Peter 1:14-16). Let’s live the reality that this world has nothing for us. One way to see if the world still has a hold on you is to observe how and where you spend your time and money. Also, ask yourself if it is truly okay with you if people do not like you or if they think you are a nerd or some kind of religious freak. Before the Lord, aggressively tear loose any tether to the world you discover where you are still hanging on. Live as the “alien and stranger” you are-a citizen of another place (1 Pet. 2:9-11, Phil. 3:17-21)!

Challenge #5

In Colossians 3:1-2, we are commanded to “keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God” and to “set our mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” Why? Because “we have been raised up with Christ… [and have] died and our life is hidden with Christ in God” (v.1, 3)! Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.” Where have your thoughts been? Is your mind on what is pure and lovely? Is what consumes you eternal-the “things above, where Christ is”? Do what it takes to discipline yourself to abide here. When you keep your mind stayed on Jesus and His ways and His truths, youwill experience incredible life-His abundant Life! Don’t settle for death.

Challenge #6 First Corinthians 13 is packed full of God’s standard for how we should love and what qualifies as love. Are you loving your family like this? Are you patient? Are you kind? Look at your relationship with your husband. Do you love him the way Jesus has called you to? It is not enough to just go through the motions. The Lord sees our hearts and He sees what is said behind closed doors. I challenge you to love in such a way today that only seeks the good of the other person (verse 5 says, “love does not seek its own”). Love is also about being emptied and poured out. Will you lay down your life today? And remember, laying down your life is not the same things as turning away from your flesh’s death. That is a completely different action. Laying down your life is just that-it is laying down and being emptied of the “life” you have in order that someone else can be served and built up. Will you look for opportunities to love? Will you consider the needs in your home and do whatever it takes to meet those needs regardless of what it costs you?

Challenge #7 Luke 10:39-42 tells the story of two sisters and their responses to Jesus being in their home. Mary had chosen to sit at Jesus’ feet and “listen.” Martha, on the other hand, was distracted with preparations and the logistics of serving her Guest (and perhaps those with Him). When pushed, the Master responded, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only a few things are necessary, really only one, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Look and see which sister you are like. Are you a “worry wart”? Do you let the silly things of this life run you? Or are you consumed with your Lord and have your gaze is set on Him alone? As you go about your day today, let your heart stay “at His feet,” continually listening to and abiding in Him. When you see yourself distracted with the cares of this life, don’t just chalk it up to “normal, human behavior,” but rather turn with all your heart to Jesus, the One you are living for!

Challenge #8 Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In allyour ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Will you trust Jesus with all your heart today? He is worthy of your trust. No matter the circumstance, no matter the trial, will you choose to see His love in all that comes your way? You can spend your life fearful and controlling or you can let go and believe Him, look to Him, and follow Him, whatever may come.

Challenge #9 Romans 13:14 tells us to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.” Our flesh is like a fat, greedy, gluttonous, ugly creature. It is disgusting, and we have to see it this way if we are going to be faithful in following the Lord (Rom. 7:18). The Lord has made a way for us to walk according to His Spirit today rather than live according to our flesh (1 Cor. 10:13, Gal. 5:16-25). I challenge you to starve your flesh and do not feed its lusts! When you are being drawn in to gossip, say no. When you feel like hardening your heart toward your husband or rising above him, don’t do it. Deny those desires. When you want to fret, complain, get mad, sink low, “pig-out,” be frivolous, fantasize, act shallow, exaggerate, or be lazy-do not make provision but instead “put on the Lord Jesus."

Challenge #10 Matthew 24:42 says, “Therefore be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming. Second Peter 3:11-12 says, “Since all these things are to be destroyed in this way, what sort of people ought you to be in holy conduct and godliness, looking for and hastening the coming of the day of God.” Romans 13:11 says “it is already the hour for you to awaken from sleep.” Luke 21:34-36 says, " Be on guard, that your hearts may not be weighted down with dissipation and drunkenness and the worries of life, and that day come on you suddenly like a trap; for it will come upon all those who dwell on the face of all the earth. But keep on the alert at all times, praying in order that you may have strength to escape all these things that are about to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man.” Ephesians 5:16 commands us to “make the most of our time, because the days are evil."

Are you ready for Him? Are you ever watching, waiting, praying, and looking for His return? When He arrives, will He find you wholly given to Him and doing the things He has made know to us to do? He is coming for a people set apart and in love with Him! Do not allow yourself to drift off to sleep. He is coming and we do not know the hour, but He is coming! Just as you would wait, anticipating your husband’s return home from a long trip, this, in a small way, is like the way we are to be looking for Him. As you go about your day today, anticipate His return, be ready for Him, live awake, and stay alert!

In closing, I hope that the major, overall point of this article comes through: “the challenge” for us is always to “be doers of the word and not merely hearers who delude themselves” (James 1:22). When we are commanded by the Lord through the scriptures, we are to draw on His grace and “put feet to it” and begin walking it out in our everyday lives. If we fail to make the practical applications, we “delude ourselves,” thinking that we have something because we agree with the idea of it when, in reality, we have nothing because we do not live it.

Having said this, I want to point out a popular way many people “delude themselves” nowadays while rationalizing their inaction in spiritual-sounding terms, so that you can get free if you are ensnared in this notion. A lot of folks will look at a listing like this of the Father’s commands and turn away crying, “Legalism!” Likewise, whenever people try to encourage them to go beyond talking theory to actual obedience, they assert that this is “legalistic.” Legalism is us trying to establish our own righteousness by fulfilling our set of laws, biblical or self-construed. That is an impossible task, and something we are clearly warned against in the scriptures (read Galatians). We are to trust the blood of Jesus for our righteousness-period. But, from a place of righteousness in Jesus, we are to keep our Father’s commands, and, living from this place, our obedience to Him is never, ever legalism!

Let me ask you this: What would you think if you directed your children by giving them a list of 10 things you wanted them to do throughout their day, and they responded to you by saying things like: • “I read the list, but I just got overwhelmed, and I remembered that your love is not based on what I do, so I just decided to let all of these things go and to take in your love and not feel all that pressure to measure up."

• “When I read what you commanded, I knew you really didn’t care if I did them or not because what really matters to you is that my heart is in the right place-and it is, see (big, cheesy smile)?"

• “That’s legalism, Mom, and it doesn’t make me feel loved! You don’t want me to be legalistic, do you?!"

• “When I read the list of the things you wanted me to do, I could tell that it really wasn’t in my heart to do them, and I know you don’t want me to perform and pretend and be a hypocrite, so I just decided to take in your unconditional acceptance and rest in your lap, Mom."

Ladies, this kind of nonsense is the very kind of things many Christians today go to the Lord with as a way to make provision for their flesh and avoid the accountability we have, as His children, for obedience. If you find yourself caught in this kind of foolishness, turn away from it and ask the Lord to purge any remnant of this leaven from your heart. Let us all obey our Father and do those things that please Him!

Growing up I had a friend whom I admired and respected. She seemed to never get into trouble. When her parents told her she couldn't go somewhere, she would quickly comply. I remember being at her house and in the morning she would do her devotions, and she had a lot of scripture memorized. I was impressed! Every time I was around her and her family, she was praised for her servanthood and obedience.

A few years later I began to hear rumors that she was becoming very worldly and that her family was very grieved and in disbelief. I dismissed the rumors because I had not heard anything from them and, frankly, I could not imagine it to be true. A few weeks later, I got a call from someone in her family telling me first hand of how this friend of mine had fallen away from the Lord. They relayed all of the various, ungodly things she was engaged in and it was heartbreaking. Upon hearing this I began praying fervently for this dear friend.

About three weeks later, I felt the Lord wanted me to contact her and call her to return to Him. She agreed to meet me at a small deli for us to talk. When I saw her, I could see the darkness, the pain, and the confusion. Before we even sat down at our table I asked her what happened and why. At first she said, “Maranatha, I don’t know how I got here.” I reminded her of her heart for the Lord and how she used to want to be a missionary. After reminding her of past conversations and events, I asked her again, “What happened?”

As she shared, the Lord began to uncover a significant and profound truth to me. She went through each of the events and stories and told me what was really going on in these situations. She told me that she spent her life hating how her parents were leading, and begrudged and resented most of their commands. She said that what looked like obedience to us really was not, and that what was actually going on in her heart was incredible anger. She conveyed how all of those times we saw her doing devotions or quoting scripture she was doing it to impress us and keep up the appearance of a completely sinless child. She said that when her parents told her to do something that she did not want to do, she would do it, but in her heart she was far from being a joyfully submitted young lady.

I realized how many of those times what we saw on the outside was not at all what was going-on on the inside. I know and recognize that there could have been other factors in her falling away from the Lord, but I knew I had at least discovered one of the major reasons. I immediately remembered situations in my own life when my father would tell me to do something and I would do it, but my heart was not really there.

For instance, one time he told me to watch my little brother for half an hour, but I wanted to read a book instead. For that entire half-hour I resisted and complained in my heart. Yes, I watched him but my heart sure didn’t. As a result, I was not very kind and tender to my brother. When my dad came back he knew I had not submitted in my heart to his leading. He helped me see that even though I did what he said, I was still disobeying. He disciplined me and told me that when he said to do something, I needed to do it with all my heart. This was one of many times my father would not let my outward behavior be good enough. He wanted more and expected more. He wanted complete surrender not just an “empty work.”

Does this sound like another Father you know? I could give countless scriptures of how our Lord Jesus requires a complete yielding of our thoughts, our lives, and our hearts. Remember His “Sermon on the Mount”? He says in Matthew 5:22 that you are guilty of murder if you are angry with your brother without cause. The Lord raised the standard that what is in our hearts is just as important as what we are doing outwardly. Think about all of the bold statements that He made to the Pharisees in Matthew 23. Here are just a few:

“But they do there deeds to be noticed by men.” (v. 5)

“For you clean the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside they are full of robbery and self-indulgence.” (v. 25)

“For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.” (v. 27)

“Even so you too outwardly appear righteous to men but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” (v. 28)

They did so many things right on the outside but their hearts were full of sin. Jesus perceived this and He rebuked them. Can you think of times in your own life when you were filled with pride and arrogance but what everyone else saw was humility? Have you ever been thinking something awful inside while outwardly being nice? Does this mean that if we are angry inside we need to spew our venom on someone so we will not be hypocritical? No, we need to be honest about what is in our heart so we can turn from it. Jesus told the Pharisees in verse 26 to “first clean the inside of the cup so that the outside may become clean also.”

We can understand and see this truth in our walk with the Lord, but I want to challenge us to raise our children in this same way. If I tell my son, Benjamin, to take out the trash, he may take it out but in his heart resent having to do the chore and wish he was doing something else. This is unacceptable in our home. He must obey fully, not just in deed and action, but with his whole heart. Both are imperative! I am sure to some of you it sounds like we are too hard on our children or that we are looking too deep. But I am convinced the Lord desires full surrender of our hearts and therefore we need to train and require full surrender of our children’s as well.

It takes discernment to know where your child’s heart is. I remember one morning I watched my oldest daughter go from one task to another. She is a “doer.” She was getting so much done and was truly helping me. But the longer I studied her I realized that she was not “with” me at all, and I was unable to taste of her heart. In her effort to serve she lost the main point of serving, which is to love. What I witnessed was her pushing her siblings aside and being very short in her answers. On the outside everything was accomplished, but I knew I did not have my precious daughter. She also left the heart of following and took on her own agenda. She was being very independent and self-absorbed. The world tells us that independence and self-reliance is good. The Lord, on the other hand, teaches that we are to lean on him and draw off of His life. If we allow our children’s hearts to live independently of us then when they are adults they probably will not have a capacity for yielding, trusting, and depending on the Lord Jesus. I have seen so many people who grew up this way and as a result, their hearts wandered from the Lord.

Throughout each day, I endeavor to be attentive to my children’s words, faces, body language, and gestures. As I look into their eyes, I can usually tell if their hearts are with me, or if they are resisting, or if they are simply closed. “Awe, Mom, do I have to?” is an obvious indicator of one’s heart, but sometimes it is not that clear. Ask the Lord to help you see and perceive what is going on inside of your children. Call for their trust and for them to get with you with entire submission. Spend as long as it takes to draw them out and do not let a day go by without knowing where they are at inside. Be persistent in requiring them to do everything with all of their hearts. If you can successfully train them in this you will be laying an incredibly good foundation for them in their relationship with the Lord. We do not want to raise Pharisees, but we will if we merely affirm their performance and neglect looking deeper in their hearts and confronting what we see. A good way to learn this is to study how Jesus calls to us and relates to those whose hearts are not with His. Call forth your child’s heart!

All that I have shared thus far is very important and needed in our parenting. But it will be of no benefit to us and will actually be extremely damaging to our children ifwe are not walking this way as well. All they will witness is hypocrisy. What we are wanting of our children must be lived out in our own relationship with the Lord Jesus. Are you drawing off of the Lord’s life continually? Is your heart open and vulnerable before Him? Are you completely honest about what is going on in your heart? Do you put on an outward veneer of holiness so people will notice you and be impressed? Are you aware of your desperateness for the Lord and His life or do you feel as though your doing pretty well on your own? Sisters, we need to fall on our faces before God and humble ourselves daily. He desires full surrender of our hearts to Him!

Used with Permission. Kindling Publications.