Abner Jones - 11-What has befallen Dr. Jones?

“What has befallen Dr. Jones?”

After this meeting, for the greater part of the time, I felt a great burden on my mind, but I told no one of it, for my proud heart was not willing to be despised. I now found it hard to keep up my usual uprightness, yet I strove hard to do it. But at length my impressions were so great I could not conceal them. I never found any relief in my mind, until I came to a determination, that I would do my duty; which was first to confess and forsake; secondly, to take up my testimony which I had laid down. My confession I made both public and private, at meetings, among my neighbors, and in my own family. This caused no small talk among the people, saying, what has befallen Doctor Jones? has he got to be one of the Billymead Christians? &c. Some said, he has nothing to confess, for he always behaved himself very civilly. Some said, he is a little deluded, he will soon get over it. Some said, he is feared, it will not last long. Some of the Children of the devil raised up false reports about I confessed, saying, that I confessed particular out breaking crimes that I was guilty of, but that was false. I own with shame that my life was filled up with lightness and vanity, but what is termed out breakings, I was not guilty of. When I think how I have wounded the cause, and brought up an evil report of the goodly land, I must confess I feel ashamed before God and man. I think I have great reason of thankfulness. O may I walk softly before the Lord all my days. O brother backslider, if this should fall into your hands, I entreat of you, for Christ’s sake, to return, and dwell no longer on barren mountains.

After this I felt my soul once more encircled in the arms of a reconciled God. Glory to his name therefore. This was I think in the month of December 1800. After this I felt it from the Lord laid upon me, to warn my fellow mortals, and to call upon them to come to Christ, which also I endeavoured to do, as opportunity presented. I also felt the trial of preaching seven fold greater than ever, if possible. Thus I continued until the next September. The impression of preaching at length was so strong on my mind, that it seemed to wean me from my business entirely, and it became a great burden to attend to it, which before used to be a delight. My mind was entirely turned from the subject of Physic, neither could I get my mind upon it. Often times while I was on my horse riding, texts of scripture would come with force on my mind, and ideas flowing from them, and I longing to be among people where I could preach the Gospel unto them. I still, however, had trials on my mind whether those impressions were not temptations from Satan, or the fruit of a forward mind, or some thing that was not from the Lord. At times I had great trials in my mind about leaving all my prospect of worldly gain, which was then pretty considerable. I found my business was gaining ground in so much that it yielded double the profit to what it did one year before, and my mind was led to go right out, and give myself entirely to preaching the word, and so of consequence I must give up my business. At a certain time when I was retired, and enquiring of the Lord what I should do; This scripture in Proverbs 18:16, came into my mind with great weight. "A man’s gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men." This scripture calmed my mind in a moment, and I felt entirely at peace. I now made a solemn vow to God that if he would open doors for me to preach without any of my endeavors, I would consider it as room made for me; I also promised the Lord that I would go when ever room was made for me. I now concluded that I would say nothing to any person about my trials concerning preaching, but wait and see if the Lord put it into the heart of any one to ask me to come and preach at their house. And for a few days I felt entirely delivered from all anxiety about the matter. Not long after this I was called upon one evening to ride about 5 miles to a person who was sick. While I was on the way I fell into religious conversation with the man who came after me, viz. Mr. Peck. He informed me that he had been seriously impressed in times past, and that he still felt something of it. He said his neighbors all made light of these things excepting one or two. We had some conversation, about the reformation at Billeymead. He said his neighbors made sport of the reformation at Billeymead, and that was a great part of their conversation. I observed that I should really be glad to see them together, for I had been to Billeymead and had seen the reformation myself, and that I should feel happy to tell them what I knew about the reformation. Mr. Peck then said he wished I would come out to his house some time and hold a meeting, saying, he would notify his neighbors, and he guessed they would come. At first I made but little answer to the request for I must confess I was some surprised at the request, for I never had named the matter of preaching to him; I had never said much about it to any one. This however brought my vow before me, viz. that I would go where the Lord made room for me by putting of it into their hearts to come and ask me to preach in their houses. A query arose in my mind whether this door was opened of the Lord, or whether I had pushed it open myself, by saying that I should like to see his neighbor’s together, that I might tell them what I knew of the reformation. I did not give him any direct answer at first. But the circumstances were such that I tarried all night in the neighborhood. The next morning Mr. Peck wished for an answer, and at length I told him I would come on such a sabbath, unless I was called away to attend on the sick. When the day arrived, I had a number of sick people to attend to, I however attended upon them in the forenoon, and rode to my appointment in the afternoon. As I rode along, I prayed in spirit continually, that the Lord would decide the doubtful case that day, whether he had called me to preach or not; if he had not called me, I prayed him to confound me before the people, and shut me up in silence; but that if he had called me, he would give me a message right from Heaven, in such a manner, as that I might know that it was from the Lord. A few days later, I composed the following hymn on the subject, (in Smith and Jones’ collection, page 78.)

O LORD, I pray that thou wilt show
Whether that I am call’d to go.
And found the gospel trumpet loud,
To high and low, to meek and proud. When I before the people stand
O Lord, I ask it at thy hand.
To chain my tongue in silence tight,
If thus to speak I am not right. But if thou sayest unto me, Go,
O may thy spirit sweetly flow
Into my soul, and my tongue loose!
Then I’ll proclaim the joyful news:

Peace on earth, to men good will;
Come, all who thirst, and drink your fill;
Come, taste of Jesus’ dying love,
And you shall reign with him above. But if you will refuse to come,
Christ will declare your dreadful doom:
Depart from me, I know you not;
From my fair book your name I’ll blot.

Depart from me; it is too late:
You’ve spent your day, and fix’d your fate
In darkness, blackness, and despair;
And no deliv’rance you shall share.