Abner Jones - 06-A Reformation
A Reformation
After I had been at home a short time, my mother informed me that a wonderful reformation had taken place in Woodstock, among my companions. This caused a little different feeling in my mind, though I paid no attention to it.
After I had been at home a few days I engaged to keep school for the space of three months, at very low wages, yet it was a help to me in my present need. I concluded to make school keeping my constant business. I now began to rise from my present state of gloominess. I concluded that I would make one more attempt to get something in the world. I was now endeavouring to hang upon universalism, and for a few days I had pretty much drawn the determination to go on as usual. On the first day of the week, not long after I came home, I attended a meeting at Mr. Joseph Churchells, in Woodstock, where the reformation was. When I came up to the door-yard, I saw a number of little clusters of people conversing; I drew near enough to hear, and I found they were talking on the subject of religion, which I wished to hear nothing about. I strove to shun the company of the young converts, although intimately acquainted with them before. In the forenoon meeting I got into another room, from where the Christians were, among the opposers; for I was determined that I would have nothing to do with the reformation. At noon-time I had an opportunity of seeing a number of young people with whom I had been formerly acquainted; some of whom were under great distress for their souls, and others who were praising God on the banks of deliverance. This astonishing sight, struck my heart considerably, as hard as it was. The solemn countenances, that I beheld, it appears to me, must be imprinted on my mind as long as I have existence. In the afternoon, I thought if I sat among the opposers, they would certainly discover that I had something on my mind, so I concluded the better way would be, to get among the thickest of them; in hopes of not being discovered. The meeting was introduced in the following manner, by an old gentleman.
He arose from his seat, with lifting up his hands to God, and said, let us pray. This prayer seemed to me, to come right from heaven into my soul; and it seemed as though my eyes were tears indeed. Before the close of this meeting, I believe I had a just view of my awful situation; and came to a full determination that I sould seek the Lord until I found pardon. I was then twenty years old.
I now looked back on my past life with awful remorse. I thought of what I had experienced when I was ten years old. I thought on my sinful life that I had lived for about six years past. I knew that I had sinned against the clearest light. I knew that I had rejected the loudest calls. When I considered all those circumstances, I really feared there was no pardon for me. I really thought that there were none of Adam’s race that had sinned against such light as I had done. It appeared to me if I could find myself under conviction, I should think my self in a happy situation; I should then hope that I might be converted. Notwithstanding my horrid situation, I had no fear of hell as others told of. My trouble was mostly on account of my daring abuse of God’s goodness. My heart appeared as I thought, entirely hardened. I could not open my mouth even in secret, to cry for mercy.
I remained in this situation of mind for three or four months, before I found any deliverance at all. I cannot say that I ever found any sudden deliverance; but by the smallest degrees, light seemed to increase and darkness disperse. It seemed for a great many months after I found some deliverance, in my mind, that I never should have my soul filled with love, as I had experienced it when I was ten years old.