01.05. Excuses to Justify the Practice of Dowry
Excuses to Justify the Practice of Dowry When sin is exposed, it is human tendency to seek every opportunity to justify evil actions, just like the Pharisees and the Sadducees in the Gospels. This justification of sinful actions is even seen when it comes to the exposure of the evil practice of dowry in Christian marriages. i) Some say, “Dowry is just a gift – so, what’s wrong?” Well, what is a gift? It is something that is offered voluntarily to others out of love. But if it is given under obligation or compulsion it is no longer called a gift. When the bridegroom’s family asks for or even courteously demands dowry, how can it still be classified as a gift? Sadly, some bride’s parents give dowry fearing that without it their daughter may not be treated well by the in-laws. By the way, why should the burden of giving gifts fall only on the bride’s family? Why can’t the bridegroom’s family also give gifts that they expect from bride’s family?
It is up to the bride’s family to shower gifts deliberately out of love, but it is sinful to demand dowry as a prerequisite for marriage. There is nothing wrong if the bride’s family, even from the groom’s side, blesses the newly-weds with gifts within their affordability. But let there not be demand of dowry or use manipulating words to extract dowry.dowry is evil, some young men give excuses that they had to solicit dowry under their parents’ compulsion. They even justify themselves: “Doesn’t the Bible say that we have to honor our parents?” What a silly excuse to justify an evil act! Sometimes, the devil too craftily quotes Scriptures in order to lead us into sin (Read the temptation of Jesus in Matthew 4:1-25). The Bible does say that we have to honor our parents. But nowhere in the Bible does it say that we have to honor them at the cost of dishonoring the standards of God. Is it not written, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right?” (Ephesians 6:1). Observe these words, “in the Lord”, not against the Lord.
Moreover, Jesus forthrightly said, “Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me” (Matthew 10:37-38). Mark these words: no cross-bearer can be a dowry-seeker.
If it is a matter of either obeying God’s Word or your parents’ wish, which one would you choose? If your parents insist on dowry, teach them that it is not a good act, and if necessary, rebuke them in love. If we do not obey our parents in matters that are not according to God’s will, it does not mean we are dishonoring them but honouring God above them. Bro. R Stanley, a wonderful Indian Christian writer, commented: When money transaction becomes a major factor in marriage, all sorts of evil will creep in. Money does matter but it does not matter for Christ-centered marriages. Many a Christian young man has missed God’s best in the choice of his life-partner because he has yielded to the pressure from his parents to make money in the marriage deal. It’s not cash or complexion but character that lasts (Proverbs 31:30). Boys must have the backbone to resist parental pressures. Throwing the entire blame on parents is not manliness. iii) Still others (from the groom’s side) say, “You know, the money that we get from dowry can be used to meet some debts we have or to meet the expenses of the marriage or to meet the expenses of our other children’s marriage. Also, we have spent a lot educating our son.” What a great and ungodly deal! Well, what about the parents who invest in upbringing and educating their daughters? Who will bear her expenses? Will the bridegroom and his family be willing to meet them? Or is the bride’s life worth nothing to consider?
Just think, in order to get rid of our burdens, is it fair to put burden on the other side, particularly on a woman? If in crisis, the Bible says to pray, seek God’s help and work hard with our hands (James 5:13; 2 Thessalonians 3:7-8).
Dear men, I ask you—what is a sign of manliness? Is it carrying one’s own burden or burdening others? I often say to girls, marry men who are courageous and manly enough to work hard with their own hands and come up in life, not the cowards who stretch their hands and beg for dowry, whether before or after marriage.
Note: It is sad that marriage ceremonies in India have become an issue of public performance, personal reputation and pleasing people. Large amount of money is unnecessarily spent in marriage, even at the cost of borrowing money on credit from others, either to show their prestige or to impress people.
Please don’t fall into this worldly trap. I want to suggest, if there are no sufficient finances to have a marriage ceremony grandly, it is good indeed to conduct it modestly with few attendees, decent decoration and inexpensive food, or perhaps just snacks. Yes, marriage does happen only once, but the crucial issue is not about how you get into it with grand celebration but how you live in it with exhilaration.