November 3

And now, Lord, what wait I for?—Psalms 39:7.

To entertain the minds of men with thoughts of their own vanity, and discourses of their own misery, seems to be sad and unpleasant; but certainly it is not unprofitable, unless it be our own choice to make it so, and that were the greatest vanity and misery of all. Indeed, if there were no help for this sore evil, then the common shift were not to be blamed, yea, it were to be chosen as the only help in such a desperate case, not to think on it, to forget our misery, and to divert our thoughts from it by all possible means, rather than to increase it, and torment ourselves by insisting and poring on it; and in that case shallow minds would have the advantage, that could not converse with these sad thoughts, for to increase this knowledge were but to increase sorrow. But far be it from us thus to determine: there is a hope which is a help to this evil, and this is what this holy man fixes on: And now, Lord, my hope is in thee. Otherwise, it were strange, that the most excellent piece of the visible creation should be made subject to the most incurable unhappiness; to feel misery which he can not shun, and to be tormented with desires that can not be satisfied. But there is some better expectation for the souls of men, and it is no other than HIMSELF who made them.

The wisest natural men have discoursed of man's vanity, and passionately bemoaned it; but in this way they have fallen short, how to remedy it. They have aimed at it, and come near it, but have not been able to work it: they still labor to be satisfied in themselves. They speak somewhat of reason, but that will not do it; for man being fallen under the curse of God, there is nothing but darkness and folly in himself. The only way to blessedness is by going out of ourselves unto God.

All our discourses of our own vanity will but further disquiet us, if they do not terminate here, if they do not fix on his eternal happiness, goodness, and verity.

I am persuaded, if many would ask this question of themselves, What wait I for! they would puzzle themselves, and not find an answer. There are a great many things that men desire and are gaping after, but few seek after one thing chiefly and staidly: they float up and down, and are carried about without any certain motion, but by fancy and by guess; and no wind can be fair for such persons, who aim at no certain haven.

If we put this question to ourselves, What would I have? it were easy for many to answer,—I would have an easy, quiet, peaceable life in this world. So would an ox or a horse. And is that all? May be you would have a greater height of pleasure and honor. But think on this one thing: there is this one crack and vanity that spoils all these things, that they will not bear you up when you lean to them in times of distress; and besides, when you have them they may be pulled from you, and if not, you must be plucked away from them within a little while. There is much seeming content in the pursuit of these things, but they are lost with greater discontent. It is God's goodness to men, to blast all things in the world to them, and to break their fairest hopes, that they may be constrained to look above to himself: he beats them from all shores, that he may bring them to the Rock that is higher than they.

Oh, that God would once touch some of your hearts, who are under the chains of darkness, that ye might once bethink where to rest your heads in the midst of all our confusions. And here is the resting-place; hope in God. Now, Lord, what wait I for? My hope is in thee. Blessed soul that can say, "Lord, thou seest I desire nothing but thyself (as Peter said, Lord, thou knowest I love thee;) all the corners of my heart stand open in thy sight; thou seest if there be any other desire or expectation but to please thee; and if there be any such thing in me (for I see it not), I pray thee discover it to me, and through thy grace it shall lodge no longer. My heart is thine alone, it is consecrated to thee: and if any thing would profane thy temple, if it will not go forth by fair warning, let it be scourged out by thy rod, yea by any rod whatsoever it pleaseth thee to choose."