Raising small children

I'd like to just lay a foundation in this meeting tonight, and then perhaps as God enables then tomorrow night to fill in some of the details if we can. Now, you'll understand what I mean by laying a foundation, I think, as we move along. I want you to think about recognizing the stewardship.

And I want to underline, first of all, a careful understanding of parenting. Let me begin by asking a question. Paul, in Ephesians chapter 6, and in Colossians chapter 3, says, fathers.

Now, if you and I were going to address the issue of child rearing, most likely we would address mothers. Because all of us know, it doesn't take a nuclear physicist to know, that most day-to-day child rearing is done by mothers. So, why then does the Spirit of God, through Paul, address fathers? It comes back to the issue of headship.

Now, that is vital to see. In other words, what it means is that whatever goes on in my home with the rearing of my children is ultimately, before God, my responsibility. I cannot sit back and say, if only my wife were a little firmer with the children, if only my wife disciplined in a better way, if only my wife had been better at raising the children, then this wouldn't have happened.

So, point number one is that before God, I stand responsible for the direction my family takes when it comes to child rearing. Can't pass it off. Can't say, well, you know, my job is to work, and I work 10 hours a day, and I can't be bothered with that.

That's her problem. I've got mine. This is hers.

Spirit of God says, no, it's not. Spirit of God says that the direction of your home and the rearing of children is related to the head of that house, the head of that home, fathers. So, when I come to the New Testament, and I would suggest that you would look into this yourself, I find a man named Joseph, and he takes to wife a woman named Mary.

And as I trace how Joseph deals and how Joseph leads his family, I see a model for leadership. Do you ever notice what it says about the Lord Jesus? He went into the synagogue as his custom was. Where did he develop that custom? I would gather that from a child.

He was taken to the synagogue. I find that as a man of mature years, he is called a carpenter. There was a father who taught him a trade and who sought to prepare him for the world.

You recall when there is the message from the angel that Herod would seek to kill the child. He takes the child and his mother down, and he has a care for the physical well-being. You can trace all of Joseph's life and his care of the Lord Jesus as a child and as a young adult and so on.

They went up to the temple, went up to the Passover year by year as their custom was. There were holy habits ingrained. Now, I know that we are speaking of the Son of God, but you will allow me just to use it as an illustration because really Joseph was carrying out his responsibility of headship and leadership in the family in guiding it.

And so I learned then that I am responsible for the spiritual, the physical, the emotional, the occupational. I have to have some input into the direction that child will take in life. And so the first lesson I learned is that of headship.

But there is another aspect to parenting, and it is stewardship. Stewardship. Children are an heritage of the Lord.

And as I realized that these children are given to me as a stewardship from God, it begins to refine my motives. It's no longer me trying to live my life and fulfill my frustrations through my children. You know, I couldn't be the captain of the football team, so he's going to be the captain.

Or I couldn't manage to be the most popular person in my class, so my daughter's going to be popular. I don't care. She needs to do that.

Just living my dreams and fantasies through my children, trying to have my ego stroked through my children, they are a stewardship from God. And I am raising them for God, not for me. Now I realize our children do reflect upon us.

That is an impossible thing to avoid. But what should really be my burden is not that my children make me look good before everybody else, but that God gets from those lives what he deserves. That there will rise from those young lives what God is worthy of.

Here is another aspect of my stewardship as a Christian, to take what God has put into my hands and seek to give it back to him for his glory and for his honor and for his praise. But then there is another aspect to it, not just headship and not just stewardship, but it should be very obvious that what is going to make all this work is partnership. It is a partnership in raising children.

We spoke last night relative to marriage and issues relative to marriage of the vital need for communication. And you can see how basic communication is even to the issue of raising children. Of being able to communicate desires one to another, of being able to communicate goals with those children and to refine techniques and be able to really hands-on guide those children the way you would desire to guide them.

So there is headship, there is stewardship, and there is partnership. Now let me just quickly show you this from the word of God, even with a better illustration. Turn to the book of Exodus for just a moment, Exodus and chapter 2. Notice chapter 2 and verse number 2. This is the birth of Moses, and the woman conceived and bear a son.

When she saw him that he was a goodly child, she hid him three months. Now just keep your finger there and turn to Acts chapter 7. You know these verses, but let me just underline them in your thinking and hopefully just impress you deeply with a scriptural truth. Exodus chapter 7. Look for the sake of time at verse number 20.

In which time Moses was born, and was exceeding fair, and was nourished up in his father's house three months. Finally Hebrews chapter 11. The three places the word of God deals with this same issue.

Hebrews 11 and verse number 23. By faith Moses, when he was born, was hid three months of his parents, because they saw he was a proper child. You notice what it says? Exodus, it's ascribed to his mother.

Acts says, well really it was his father's house. Hebrews says, they did it together. So can you see how the spirit of God in this simple and yet very, very telling way would seek to just impress us with this? It is a moving together in a raising of a child.

Yes, Exodus says she saw him, but you understand that there was communication. And Acts tells us it was his father's house. He had responsibility for what went on there.

But Hebrews tells us when it comes to the faith that was involved in that decision, they were one. They saw he was a proper child. They hid him three months.

So that it is vital, vital that all of these elements be operative in the raising of our children. A sense of headship. I am responsible before God.

I cannot just delegate this to my wife and turn my back. That there needs to be a stewardship that is consciously held before God that this child really belongs to God. This child, and the wording of Exodus and the wording again of Acts, this child is fair to God.

God can get something from this life. There's potential here for God. And there needs to be a partnership where there is unity and there is a moving together with the issues relative to child rearing.

Now, someone might say, suppose there are differences and solving those differences and resolving those differences. Hopefully we'll touch on that as time allows either tonight or tomorrow night. But let me move on from a careful understanding of parenting roles to a clear concept of human nature.

You see, there really are doctrinal things at stake here when we are talking about how we raise our children. This is not a matter simply of the latest psychology or the latest pop psychology that's available for Christians or some new theory relative to raising children. These are dependent upon the Word of God.

So the first thing I want you to think about is just simply this, that man is more than animal. Now, you might say, what do you mean? Man is more than animal? Well, anyone here that's been in high school or university and you've had an elementary psychology course, you'll know and recognize what I'm referring to. That your professor will tell you about an experiment that was done.

And they took rats and put them into a maze or in some other behavioral modification technique and trained them to respond to a stimulus. And so every time they touched this particular food, they got electric shock. And gradually they learned to prefer this other food.

And so if you want rats to eat just oatmeal every day, then you shock them when they go for the broccoli. And that's how you get them to eat oatmeal. And so from that, then we are told that the way in which you deal with human beings and raise human beings is in a similar way.

And that's the way you do it. Now with any experiment, all you've done is proven what you've proven. And what you've proven is that rats are smart enough that if they're going to be shocked with broccoli, they'll go for the oatmeal.

You haven't proved a thing about human beings. Because there is an added dimension to humanity that is not found in all of the animal creation. However high, however advanced those animals might be, there is something called human will, free will.

And human beings will respond in the most unexpected ways. So man is more than animal. We are not training our children like we would train animals.

We don't break children. We don't give them conditioned responses. Now I do know there is place for reinforcement and encouragement and so on, but we're dealing with something not just better or a little more advanced, but something totally different from the animal creation.

We are dealing with an element of human nature and free will. And so that man is more than animal. Man has been made in the likeness of God with free will and mental capacity to think and to reason.

But then something else we need to impress you with is that man is less than innocent. Not only is man more than animal, but he is less than innocent. Most of the thinking of today, if you pick up a secular book on raising children, will tell you that really what you've got is a blank page, the tabula rasa.

You've just got a blank page and you write on that blank page of that child's humanity, whatever you want. You know, if you want that child to learn to be good, then you just write good. And that's all you've got to do is keep emphasizing the good, because really they're just innocent creatures.

And they'll go one way or the other, depending upon how you raise them and the influences that you bring to bear upon them and the things you teach them. And that's going to determine whether they will do evil or do good, because they're really just innocent, just waiting for your impressions to be made on them. There's a young man, I guess we're young, young compared to me.

There's a brother who was in the work in North America, very, very useful brother, very able individual, very gifted. Prior to going to the work, he was a schoolteacher, high school English teacher, secondary school, I guess you would call it, English teacher. And there was a girl in his class who started out well and just got into all kinds of difficulty.

You know, there's no need to list the things she got into, but as far down as you could go. That girl's mother came in to talk with John during, we called them parent-teacher conferences, days when teachers can come in, parents can come in and discuss the progress of their students with the teacher. And so John was reviewing with her the progress, you wouldn't call it that, the devolution of her school year and what had happened and where things had gone.

And the mother just sat there wringing her hands, I don't know what happened. I just don't know where things went wrong. I never told her what was right or wrong.

I never told her that anything was right or wrong. I just thought that if I let her go in life, she would find out what was right and what was wrong on her own, and that would really then stay with her. So I never told her that certain things were wrong and certain things were right, and I just don't know what happened.

Really? You don't know what happened. You see, we are not just innocent creatures that will somehow pick up whatever is the best thing going. Man is less than innocent.

Now, I am not about to say that, you know, when you pick up that little baby in your arms that you just look at it as a mass of sin. I don't want to have you think of it in that way at all. But to realize that there is a fallen nature that is prone to sin, that left to itself will move towards sin, gravitate towards sin, and it needs discipline and guidance and direction in life.

Man is more than animal. Man is less than innocent. Man is not worthless.

Now, that may upset some theologians, but I do not believe that any human being is worthless. Every individual has creatorial worth. God said long ago, whoever slays man, whoever slays a man, by man shall his blood be shed because in the image of God created he him.

There's something of value there. It's not worthless. Man has creatorial worth.

Man has potential worth. Every sinner you and I see, whether they're laying in the gutter, whether they are in a prison, or whether they are the corporate executive of some major company, every sinner has potential worth to think what God could do with that life. And then all of us have conferred worth.

God has conferred worth upon us when He saved us. He conferred worth. Not that all of a sudden we walk around patting ourselves on the back at how great we are, but God has made us His own so that when Paul speaks to the Ephesian elders, he reminds them of the flock which He hath purchased with the blood of His own.

Paul wants to let you know, look, there's something of worth there that is far greater than the world could ever estimate, purchased with the blood of His own Son. Conferred worth. So that man is not worthless, there are doctrinal things that are at stake here.

A clear concept of human nature, confident conviction in the Word of God, a confident conviction in the Word of God. If you do not have confidence in this book in raising your family, you are going to be left adrift at sea to face storms, to face gales, to face waves and buffeting that will totally capsize you in all of your efforts to steer your children. You see, this book is not theory, but truth.

This is not the latest theory to come down the line that we have to now take and to try for a little while to see if it will work, and if it works, fine, but if it doesn't stand the test of time, we'll, you know, we'll just get rid of it. One of the most influential people in North America, relative to the, really would be my generation, the baby boomers and so on, was a pediatrician named Dr. Benjamin Spock. Dr. Benjamin Spock was perhaps the first individual who questioned discipline and questioned the need for discipline and stressed more the idea of positive reinforcement and just ignoring the misbehavior and so on.

Near the end of his life, Dr. Spock admitted he may have been a little bit unbalanced in his approach and he may have made mistakes, and he said the only problem is you don't recall a generation of children like you recall defective cars. You get one chance with them. You're going to risk raising your children by the latest theory of the day only to find out ten years later someone says, you know, we had it wrong, we've got to change it again.

See, this book isn't theory. You don't have to worry that if I seek to follow the principles of this book, that somehow it's just not going to work out right and I'll find a better way. No.

You can always rest confident this book is truth, not theory. This book is not temporary, but it's timeless. This book was not written just for one generation in the Middle East and one group of people that lived in the first century.

This book was not temporary. This book is timeless. I want you to think of the implications of people who say that what was written then was fine, but it's not just quite right for our generation or our years or our age.

What they are saying in effect is that God did not have enough wisdom to look down through the years to know what things would be like now. Somehow God was short-sighted, that God wasn't able in his wisdom to provide guidance for us in 21st century Western society or any other society for that matter. No, this book is not temporary.

It is timeless. This book is not tradition. This is not tradition.

This is not the way traditionally that we raise children. This book is transcultural. It just is over every culture.

It just is fit. The principles will fit into every culture and every time. Multiculturalism with its companion pluralism has almost made us ashamed of Christian values.

You know, well, toleration, you know, they do it their way because that's their culture and you're just doing it this way because it's your culture. No, this is not a cultural issue of Western society or of a group of people. This is the Word of God that is truth, that is timeless, that is transcultural, that will never be shaken, a confident conviction in the Word of God.

But let me mention one other thing, a compassion for others. What do I mean? I mean, never sit back in judgment on another believer whose children aren't saved. Never look at someone else who's having difficulties with their children and think they don't know what they're doing and if they only did it the way I did it, everything would have been fine.

You and I scarcely know what some parents have to live with with their children. Scarcely understand the personalities involved and the problems. What would you do if your teenager came home and one day said, you know, I think one night when you're asleep, I may just kill you all.

Well, you say that doesn't happen, doesn't it? You think that's never happened to a Christian family? Do you think that a Christian family might never know a child coming home and saying, if you make me go to the meeting, I am leaving and never coming back? That's it? And so, of course, you would say, well, of course, you come to the meeting, that's it. Really? Would you do that if it were your child? You sure you would? Suppose they had the personality type that, you know, they will never back off once they have made a decision. And you know that's the case.

You're really going to push it that far? You say, yes, you would. Well, then, that's what you might do. Someone else may not be able to do that.

Someone else may not be able to take that stand to say, it's this or you go out. It's this or you go out. We need to be compassionate.

If God, in his mercy, has saved your children, then go home and get on your knees and thank God that despite you, he saved your family. And begin to pray for other people whose children aren't saved, because you hardly know the grief, the trial, the tears that they well may be going through with unsaved children. So we need to be compassionate and never sit in judgment on others who are having problems with their families.

Yes, families do make mistakes. And yes, sometimes the mistakes are obvious and blaring. But still, it behooves us to have compassion and care for other believers who are going through trials with their family.

Let me just move then to responding to the challenge. Not just recognizing the stewardship, but responding to the challenge. I want to talk about a challenge to mothers, a crisis in fatherhood, creating a sanctuary, and then correcting a bias.

And that's all going to be in about 15 minutes. Some of these things we'll touch tomorrow night, but let me just touch on them very briefly now. The challenge to mothers.

I want to talk about detecting differences, discerning, and discipline. What do I mean by detecting differences? You may not know it, but, especially if you have only one child or no children, but children are different. No two children are alike.

So that along comes number one, and you've got it down pat. Here's how you do it. And along comes number two, and it's just not working quite as well.

We discussed already, I think, on two occasions the innate, divinely given differences between men and women, and certainly it is our sisters especially, the mothers who seem to be so adept and so skillful at detecting the differences in their children. Now, you might say, it's because they're with them day to day. Yes, but also there is that intuitiveness that recognizes almost from the time you bring them home from the hospital, almost from birth, this child seems different than the other.

One is easily satisfied. The other is constantly fussing. One is happy and cheerful all the time.

The other is always fretful and demanding of your time. Almost from the time you bring them home, they're that way, and you begin to detect differences in your children as they're growing. So that's vital.

And then discerning and balancing then. Yes, there are scriptural principles that apply to raising children all the time, but how those principles are applied requires the discernment and the wisdom of a mother and all of her skills. I am not going to soapbox.

So just take this, and if it doesn't apply or if I'm off base because I don't understand contemporary British society, then just, you know, discard it. But I'll just refer to North America for a minute since that's what I know and that's what I'm accustomed to. And that is women who have small children, not because of actual need.

I'm speaking now of illness and disability of a husband or problems beyond their control. None of that. But they make the decision to go out to work because raising children is not challenging enough.

I do not know any other job. I'll use the word job. That is as demanding, as challenging.

That will test organizational skills. That will test imagination and goal setting and the ability to solve problems. I know of nothing that will so tax every talent as much as raising children for God.

So that if you need to work because of financial reasons that are beyond your control, then that's one issue. But if you are going out to work and leaving your children with someone else because it's not challenging enough, then I think you're taking a demotion. Even if you become a CEO or president of a company, it's a step down.

Won't be as demanding. I realize, I live in the real world, I realize that, you know, if you've got a couple of children that are under two, after a while, oh, you can almost, you talk baby talk all day and it's almost like a foreign language when your husband walks through the door and speaks English. I realize that.

I'm not trying to live in a make-believe world, but you'll understand what I say when I say that raising children for God is a tremendous challenge. And being able to raise those children properly, to appreciate differences and to balance them and to bring the Word of God to bear upon their growth and development is the most difficult task that a person can face. So there is the need for detecting differences and discerning and balancing.

Discipline and development. Let me, we'll probably talk more in detail about discipline tomorrow night. Let me just mention this, first of all, because discipline, unfortunately, carries with it the idea of just punishment, but discipline is a far more encompassing word.

It carries with it the idea of the training and the development of a person. Let me just talk about some ways in which we can guide our children in this whole area. One is scriptural instruction.

Teaching them through the Word of God, and as we mentioned the other night, it is primarily the family's responsibility, not the Sunday school teacher's, not a Christian school, not the videos that we might pop in, it is primarily parents' responsibility to teach their children the Word of God, to give them that substrate upon which the Spirit of God is able to act and to work. So scriptural instruction. But we guide our children in another way as well.

We guide them through spiritual individuals, role models, people they can look up to, so that as we bring our children into the assembly and as they grow in the assembly, they begin to see other people in the assembly, Sunday school teachers, people that take an interest in them, the overseers, the preachers who move amongst you, and they begin to see people that they can model themselves after. You do realize, don't you, if you don't, let me wake you up to this, that when your children reach about 12 or 13 or 14, depending whether they're girls or boys, you are the last person they want to be like. You know, it's just the way it is for a few years.

You are the last person on earth they want to be like. Well, now, the difficulty comes that if your home is marked by constant pulling down of all the Christians, Sunday school teachers, oh, you know, they don't know what they're doing. The overseers, they're such bunglers and, you know, they're just amateurs at it.

And you know, the sisters or the brethren who take an interest in them, well, you know, they don't know what they're doing. If everyone is just swept under the rug, then when your children reach those years where they're looking for someone to model their life after, where are they going to go? We could talk a lot about the dangers of things like rock music and the modern entertainment world and the modern sports world. We could talk a long time about the evils of those things, but let me just take one thing that is relevant to what we're talking about.

Perhaps the greatest evil. I know there are lyrics that are horrible and I know there's a beat that is captivating, but I think the worst thing is lifestyles, lifestyles. What happens when our young people begin to follow a sports star or begin to follow a rock star? You know what happens? The clothes, the look, the lifestyle, it begins to ape the person that they are admiring and the person they're going after.

It's the lifestyle that begins to hook them. So that we need, we need to make sure that our children are exposed to other believers. Don't live in an isolated world.

I realize the family is the basic unit that God has in society and even in the assembly, but don't live in an isolated, let your children get exposed to other Christians they can look up to and admire and want to be with. Because the vital need is for them to have individuals that when they do want some distance from mom and dad to prove they are an independent person, there are others they can look to and go to in times of need. Spiritual instructions, scriptural instructions, rather spiritual individuals.

Let me mention one other thing. That is the special intimacy of the family. Now, let me just explain what I mean by that.

Again, this may have nothing to do with Britain. So if it doesn't, then just discard it and gives you an insight into how things are in North America. The majority of families in North America hardly eat one meal together through a whole week.

It may sound astounding, but you know, somebody's got soccer practice after football, you would call it football, soccer practice after school. Somebody else is working at McDonald's. Somebody else is working late and mother's out at the mall.

And so it's like a traffic control center. You know, there's food here on the table and one's wings in and the other wings in and everybody gets their portion and flies away. No one's ever together.

It is vital that during the course of a day, there is some time when the whole family is together. You might say, can you show me chapter and verse? No, I can't. I can't show you a chapter and verse.

But there needs to be time when you are together. First of all, where the word of God is opened. But even I hesitate to say even more than that, but you'll understand what I mean.

There needs to be a time when your ears are just open to listen and you find out what's going on at school, what's going on in their lives, what's happening, what are they being exposed to. And it doesn't have to be a time of preaching. It doesn't have to be a time of correcting everything.

You know, they may just say, you know what Johnny said at school and here's what's happening. And you know, you may just listen and you bite your tongue because you want to tell them how wrong it is. But you may just ask them a question.

Suppose suppose everybody did that. How would it be like? What do you think? Let them discover how wrong it is just in your conversation. I don't mean you let everything pass, but you'll understand what I'm saying to to listen with interest as to what's happening in their lives.

Find out where they are. It's amazing how distant we can become with our own children at times when we get so busy and I know what it's like. I'm speaking from experience when we become so busy and so preoccupied, the need to have some time together as families.

I mean, link with that, we could talk of traditions and holidays and things. I think all of those have a place. It would appear that God himself recognized that in the Old Testament.

I mean, the feasts of Jehovah, those seven occasions were primarily family oriented, tribe oriented, and nation oriented. They were traditions they look forward to every year. Times when they were together, times when hopes and goals and aspirations and unity was all renewed.

And all of that is part of tradition that is so vital to family existence and family identity. But I have to leave that. Let me just quickly mention a crisis in fatherhood.

The need of, we've already mentioned this, imparting a sense of family, of respecting our child's world and respecting the value of that child, of modeling in my own life spiritual values and spiritual character to them, of creating trust. I have said before, and I still have not changed my mind, that I would have as a goal for myself in my relationship with my children, that if their entire world collapsed overnight, if everything that could go wrong did go wrong, they could turn to me. And know I would do whatever was right for them.

Because you see, that's the kind of father I have. That in the darkest hour, when the inexplicable comes over my life, when all the explanations in theology go out the window and I am left just staring at grief and difficulty and problems, that I can turn my head heavenward and know there's a father there and whatever he does is right. See, I'd like to be able to communicate that to my own family.

That's the kind of father I would like to be to them. Not someone they have to fear. Not someone who's going to say, well, I told you so, and you won't listen to me now.

It's all your bag. Go. No, he never says that to me.

I know I can fail him miserably sometimes and ignore his word at times, and yet he is always compassionate and kind and gracious in all his dealings with me. Creating a sanctuary. I'm just going to mention four things about our homes that I think are vital.

A Christian home should be a place where separation is maintained. I cannot control what goes on out there. I cannot control what my children may see at school or be exposed to as they go to school or what they hear their friends saying.

I can't totally control that, but in my home I can maintain separation. Separation maintained. Number two, I think vital, the saints respected.

The saints respected. My home should be a place where they know the people of God are respected with all our failures, all our inconsistency, all our shortcomings. Saints are respected here.

We treat them all with honor, each one. So, first of all, then, separation maintained, the saints respected, the scriptures honored. The scriptures are honored here.

We read them, we honor them, we live by them, and lastly, standards that are upheld, divine standards upheld in our home. Let me hurry to correcting our biases. Having said all of that, there are wrong motives, there are wrong methods, there's wrong manners for raising our children.

Wrong motive, of course, I've alluded to that already. What will people think of me if these kids turn out poorly? We all think that way. I've been there many, many times.

What will people think of me? See, the motive, then, is just all me. It really should be, what will God fail to get if these children don't turn out as they ought to? Am I raising them for God or for myself? Motives, but the wrong manner. This could be a whole meeting, but let me just hurriedly go through some.

There's the military camp method of raising children. Do it. I said do it.

Why? Do it. No reason given, no explanation, and, you know, it's like a military camp, and you're the sergeant, and you bark out your orders, and he's got to jump, and if he doesn't jump, then it's 20 days of kitchen duty, and, you know, the military method. That's what you are as the general, and there's no explanation, there's no reasoning, there's no rationale, orders are given.

Military method. But then there is the martyr method. The martyr method.

Look at all we have sacrificed for you. Look at all we are doing for you, and isn't this wonderful? Our life revolves around you. You are the center of our universe.

We will sacrifice everything just for you. Whatever you want, we'll do, and give you everything you need because, you know, that's the whole purpose of our lives is just to sacrifice for you. Along with about a thousand other reasons, there's at least one obvious reason that you should never do that, and that is life isn't going to be that way forever, is it? Got a cruel, hard world to face someday with all of a sudden says, fellow, wait a minute, who do you think you are? You know, life isn't like this.

Life wasn't made to serve you. The martyr method. There's the manipulative method.

If you don't do that, I'm not sure we're going to love you. You know, just kind of manipulate with guilt and with, you know, all those subtle things we do. There is the modern method.

We've touched on that already, the no discipline. You're a good kid. We're just going to let you go on your own.

We're confident. You know, we're just so confident you'll find out what's right in life. And then there is the myth.

Be your child's best friend. Yeah. Best friends don't discipline each other.

Best friends don't tell someone what to do. That's just a myth. Now, if you are intent on being your daughter's bridesmaid, then you go ahead and be her best friend.

But probably you'll be the last person she'll want to be her bridesmaid if that's what you're after, okay? It just doesn't work that way. Be your kid's best friend. I am all for getting down on the floor and playing with my children, my grandchildren.

I am all for doing things with children, developing elements of not just parent-child but friendship. But you can't be your child's best friend and be their parent. Don't abdicate your role as parent.

Can't do it. You are, first of all, a parent with a divinely given responsibility to discipline, develop, direct that child. And at times, it is going to require discipline.

At times, it's going to require correction. And you cannot be your child's best friend and accomplish all of those things in your attempt to raise them. So, what is the right manner? It's not a blending of those wrong ideas.

It is a biblically-based scriptural approach to raising children. Let me just mention in closing as the time has gone, we've looked at recognizing the stewardship and responding to the challenge. Let me just mention relating to the imagery.

Children are an heritage of the Lord. That reminds me of a child's dignity. Dignity.

They are a heritage. Now, if God has given you something worthless as a heritage, then that's the way you can view it. But to me, when God gives a heritage, it must have value.

Child's dignity. I've got to convey vision, and I've got to create virtue in that child. All of that is part of my responsibility in directing it for life.

Because one day, whether we like it or not, we have to let the arrow go. Can't keep it in the quiver forever. Dry up your tears.

You've got to let them go someday. I've got to tell you, it's not a bad thing either. Not a bad thing when they go.

You kind of get used to it pretty quickly. But the arrow suggests direction. We read as well of the olive.

And of course, that suggests, doesn't it, the thought of development for God. Development for God. The olive.

That which is full of oil. That which brings the light to God. And the weaned child reminds us now of discipline.

So in those four metaphors, we see the dignity of the child, the direction we're responsible to give it. We learn as well the development for God, and finally, the discipline that is required. Raising our children should have a goal in view.

What they can be for God. But I spoke earlier of the danger, the mythical idea of children being your best friend. One of the most satisfying aspects of life on a human family basis is to have your grown children leave and then come back as your best friends.

To actually develop now in adulthood a relationship. Freed from the constraints of having to discipline. Freed from having to feel like a parent-child.

You've got to direct them and tell them, no, now they're adults. You've let them go. You've let the arrow go.

It's going on its own. And now they come back and they want a friendship because they value what you gave them. They appreciate what you have given them.

And now they just want to relate again now on a different level altogether. I sometimes joke that when my daughter started dating prior to marriage, the last thing she would have thought of doing was going out together with her mother and father on a date with her boyfriend then. Now they're delighted to do it because dad pays.

And any night of the week you want, ring us up and we're ready to go to dinner. Now it's great. But they also do it because they enjoy our company and we enjoy theirs.

So that's an offshoot. That's a goal to shoot for. Not friendship now when they're small, but eventually to let the arrow go.

Have it come back because it appreciates all that was built in in all those years of youth. Now we've gone a minute over the time. I apologize.

Drink your tea a bit faster tonight to make up for it. And may the Lord bless his word. And tomorrow night we'll look in more detail at some of these aspects that we have touched on very, very hurriedly with God's help.

Shall we speak to God in prayer?