Counsel to a Distressed Wife

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From a letter of counsel for a wife in time of distress and estrangement from her spouse.

I suspect that there are circumstances in your past that affect how you perceive things that could exaggerate your fears and heighten your insecurity. That is true for all of us. Over a process of time, the Lord is the healer of those inward and secret things. In the meantime, I believe that we are not at liberty to express our vexations and anxieties in a way that affects the family's peace. We can and must maintain self-control. We are under obligation to respect our spouses and to honor them even while they themselves are working out their own salvation. Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tear it down with their own hands"!

God will give you grace if you choose to act responsibly. You honor God when you honor the head which He has appointed over you. Rather than fault or mock him for his failures, acknowledge him for the position given him. Encourage and be supportive in his efforts to perform it. This will release him increasingly to be what he ought, to your benefit, and that of the children. Give over your fear and insecurity for their future to the Lord who holds all things together by His very breath. Seek to grow in the knowledge of Him as the Covenant-keeping God whose promises are faithful. Obtain that "meek and quiet spirit which in God's sight is of great price" (1 Peter 3:4,5) "For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands."

It is time for us all to grow up and not indulge our childish peevishness by throwing tantrums. We simply are not at liberty as Christians to indulge ourselves. As a devoted older brother, I encourage you to break the power of the habits and disposition of the past and to walk in a self-disciplined way appropriate to the glory and the Kingdom to which, with your husband, you are called. Be encouraged in the Lord. Humble yourself and ask forgiveness for any injury your husband has had to bear through your temper. Ask forgiveness of the children for the hurt inflicted upon them in observing the same in you. Let us come to the peace of righteousness which is our heritage as believers, and for which the Lord has suffered immeasurably that we might obtain it.