Friends: Influencers of Holiness or Harm

Go ahead and open your copy of God's Word to Proverbs 22. This morning, what I have to bring for food is simply a topical message on the topic of friendship. Proverbs 22, verse 24, we have a text that mentions we have to make friendships.

It's going to say something negative, it's going to give a warning. We've got to make friends. Life is full of having deep companionship, seeking to have deep companionship, seeking to maintain deep companionship.

Proverbs 22, verse 24, Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man. And then he gives a reason. Lest you learn his ways.

And that's not it. And you entangle yourself in a snare. You entangle yourself in a snare.

Let's pray. Father, Lord, we thank You for Your Word. It is a light into our path.

We thank You for Your Word. It's a double-edged sword that cuts, that discerns the intentions of our heart. We thank You for Your Word.

It's a place to go to for comfort, for encouragement. Lord, we thank You for truth. Lord, we are a people who want to obey the truth.

We're wanting to live out the truth. Lord, we're people here today who, Lord, a lot of us were just seeking to do maintenance spiritually. Lord, to maintain a spiritual stability.

Lord, there's all these attacks from the enemy. There's all manner of distractions and other things that are trying to lure our heart away from that which matters the most. And Lord, we're seeking to do maintenance.

We're seeking to do repairs to keep the plane in the air, that we not crash, that the ship not sink in the ocean in the midst of the war. And so, Lord, I pray as I share on this topic of friendships, Lord, that You would use it, Father, in whatever way You please. Lord, my desire is people would ultimately have a deeper relationship with You, Lord Jesus, that they would know You in a greater way.

And yes, the overflow of their knowing of You is they would be, Lord, great friends to one another, great companions to be with. Lord, that we wouldn't have a corrupting influence on others, but Lord, we'd have an influence of godliness upon people's souls, Lord, for their well-being. So, Lord, would You meet with us today? Would You strengthen our hands? Father, be with our other churches.

Lord, be with those back at Faith Fellowship in Sedalia. Lord, strengthen them during their meeting today. And so, Lord, we just look to You in this time ahead.

In Christ's name, Amen. Well, Your best earthly friends, who are they? Who are Your best earthly friends? Earthly meaning Christ, He's departed. Christ, I hope you can say, Lord Jesus is the greatest, the best friend I've got.

That's the ultimate. But in an earthly sense, fill in the blank. Fill in the blank.

My best friends are those whose company most makes me what? Tell me. My best earthly friends are people whose company most makes me what? Change? You've got to have more than change, though. Change can be a bad thing.

So you're saying be sanctified to be more like the Lord? What else does someone say? Joyful? Okay, my joyful in the Lord, right? You've got to be specific. There's momentary joy that the world offers. What else? My best friends, the closest friends I have, they make me most what? Honest? Yeah, honest.

They don't create some culture in a relationship of deceit, of hiding something, of being proud and just being sinfully concerned about what everyone thinks about you, so you're not really transparent. What did you say, Ken? Yeah, they tell you the truth. Same thing with honesty.

You just trust. This friend, they're going to say it like it is because they really are concerned for me. Well, let me mention two men in church history who are great friends, Robert Murray McShane and Andrew Bonner.

They're very good friends. And one wrote this of McShane and Bonner's relationship. Our best friends are those whose company most makes us afraid to sin.

No one mentioned that. But that's what this author noticed about their relationship. These friends are rare and to be valued like solid gold.

It's clear that this was the effect which Robert Murray McShane had upon Andrew Bonner. Bonner could never be the same once he had met McShane. All his life he remembered this saintly friend whose presence made God more real to him and therefore made sin more foul to him.

It is one reason why we should aim more at godliness. An exemplary life may do as much good as a lifetime of sermons. There are some Christians who impress us by their talents, their gifts, but there are others whose awesome holiness makes us afraid.

If we find one friend of this kind, we should do well to cherish his friendship for life. Did you have any friends like that that you could say, they make me afraid to sin? There's just a degree of closeness to Christ that they have. And in their walk, there's a level of sensitivity to sin.

They have it and others don't have it. There's a reality of them seeking to walk with a clear conscience and always taking pains to clear their conscience. There's a reality of them seeking to look out for the interests of others and hold those people's interests as more significant than their own.

It's like they're like Christ. Isn't that what we're all striving to be? Is to conform more and more to the image of the Lord Jesus Christ as we look at the Lord, change from one degree of glory to the next? Did you have any friends who make you afraid to sin? Does your fellowship with our church make you afraid to sin? I hope as you're a part of this body, that's actually one of the results. If you were not a part of this body, but by being a part of this body, there's a greater fear of sin, the seriousness of sin.

Spurgeon made a comment about this. True friends are rare. We have many acquaintances, and we often call them friends.

And he said this before Facebook was invented. You add these people as your friends, supposedly. Perhaps in a future time of adversity, when these so-called friends have looked out for their own interests and left us to fend for ourselves, the word friendship will return to us with sad and painful memories.

A true friend is one who stands by you in times of need. And such friends, I repeat, this is Spurgeon. This is his observation.

This isn't a Bible verse. But he says they're rare. They're rare.

When you find such a person and have proven the sincerity of their friendship, when they have been both loyal to you and your family, hold on to them tightly, as if with hooks of steel, and never let them go. Interesting. So both Spurgeon and the author who commented on McShane and Bonner's relationship, they make this exhortation, as you find someone like this, I mean, you throw a hook in them.

A quick thought, though. Spurgeon made the comment, these people are rare. Do you think of any verse that might actually prove his point? In Philippians? It just crossed my mind.

There's a verse in Philippians that could prove his point. What is that text? What does Paul say? Yeah, I have no one like Timothy, who is genuinely concerned for your interest, because the most seek their own interest. That's an interesting comment.

When you read that, it's almost like, Paul, you're kind of giving too much of a negative view of Christians. But that was Paul's observation. He looked at Timothy.

There was something different about Timothy. And he mentions, Timothy was genuinely, that kind of goes back to those of you who mentioned, what do you want to find in a friend? Honesty. Right? Genuineness.

Honesty. Romans 12, let your love be genuine. There's such a thing as a fake love.

But there's a real love. Now, not to get bogged down in church history here, but was Spurgeon, anyone else know of something that happened in his life that might lead him to state what he says right here? What happened to Spurgeon? Have you heard of the downgrade controversy? He died five years later after this happened. But the Baptist convention that he had started, started to change certain views.

And Spurgeon took a stand. He didn't agree with those compromises. And Spurgeon lost a significant amount of his friends.

His own biological brother even stood against him in the midst of that. And so brethren, you know, I taught on this years ago, but there's so many relational pains in the Christian life that are really hard. You see that in 2 Timothy, with all these different people who abandoned Paul near the end of his life and desert him.

But I'd remind you, we've got a friend who sticks closer than a brother. We've got a friend who ever lives to intercede for us, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. When we think about friendship, Christ is the ultimate friend.

But we can't take a perspective that Christ is the ultimate friend, therefore I don't need others. The Lord uses us to be a Christ to someone else, to be His presence, to be His hands and His feet, and to manifest His love to others. What's Proverbs 18.1 say? Whoever isolates himself does what? Seeks his own desire.

A fool takes no pleasure in judgment. He just wants to express his own opinion. The fool, he isolates himself, and he has an inability to be teachable to what others have to say.

And he thinks he's in a good spot, but he's not in a good spot. So brethren, I want to think about this. True friendships, paths to life or destruction.

And you and I having true friendships really matters. And like Spurgeon said, not just using the term friendship in a flippant way, but to really have some weight, some gravity to it. In one way, friendship is a gift whose value you just can't measure it.

It's just such a precious thing to have friends in Christ. But you can measure it. The proverb we read measures it.

There are people you and I shouldn't make friends with who could corrupt us, and there are also people that if we befriend, they could have a great positive benefit upon our life. And in our text, we're told just who not to make friends with. Make no friendship with.

And as I talk about this, we're looking at something different than Christ being a friend of sinners. You and I, we're going to go and be very evangelistic. We're going to be around sinners.

We're going to seek to love those sinners. When you think about a friendship and a companionship, it's something more than just being a friend to the sinner. We're thinking about a deep, ongoing companion that's having an influence upon us, and we're having an influence upon them.

And the text says, influence is going to happen, right? It says you're going to learn His ways. Now what type of friendships does the world tend to have? They're shallow friendships based upon what? You have pleasure. You have money.

What else? Sports. Right? Whatever. Some temporal interest that they both really have a desire for and it's very easy to just talk about that.

Personal gain, fleeting interest. It's just surface level topics. A passing trend.

It offers little depth, little lasting value to your life, to your soul. But the Christian is totally different. 1 John 1-3 says, you too may have fellowship with us.

And indeed, our fellowship is with the Father and with the Son, Jesus Christ. By being a Christian, we're not just brought into fellowship with the Lord Jesus, we're brought into fellowship with one another. The Lord desires us to have deep relationships not just with Him, but with His people because we are of one body.

This is important. As you walk with Christ, you're going to love others as Christ has loved you. They're going to look and say, you know what, the aroma of Christ just comes off of this brother.

There's a sense of the Lord Jesus in his life or in this sister's life. And so, to really grasp the importance of friendships, I just want to first drive home the reality that you are influenced by the people you associate with. And I realize we know that in theory.

But we've got to really recognize that you and I are impacted by the friends that we make. The people you surround yourself with matter. So let's look again at Proverbs 22.

Proverbs 22-24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. Have you ever asked that? What is a person given to? That's what he says. What are they given to? If you even think of me, what's James given to? What's Hunter given to? What's the characteristic of his life? I mean, something's going to come to your mind.

Something's going to come to your mind. What's this person given to? What's their life characterized? And it seems here he's talking about a man who's angry, meaning it's not a rare occurrence in this man's life. And what's the wisdom he gives? Don't make that person your friend.

Don't make that person your friend. Don't befriend them. He says it another way.

Don't go down with a wrathful man. Meaning don't be a companion of a hot-tempered man. Now why avoid making friends with an angry man? He mentions, lest you learn his ways.

So if you associate with such a person, the implication is what's going to happen? You're going to become like him. And look, us parents, we've got front row seats to the living reality of this verse. You want an example of this verse? You look at your greatest weaknesses as a parent in your character, and what do you often see if you have children? You see those same characteristics start to crop up and be a reality in your children's lives.

That's exactly what he says. They're learning from us just by our conduct. I see some laughing over there.

Is that true? Yeah. This is the type of learning you don't want to learn. I want to learn, but what I don't want to learn is something like how to be an angry man.

It's not on my list of things to learn this year. But the people who are friends and companions, they influence us just by going with them. And what's the end? What happens when the influence entangles yourself in a snare? You could word this in this way.

You end up having a noose tied around your neck. I thought, you know what? A good way to depict that is just go back to the Wild West, and you've got a companion. He wants to go rob the bank.

And you know what? You don't really want to rob the bank. You know robbing the bank is wrong, but he convinces you enough to drive, to ride the getaway horse or something like that. When that man gets caught, because you associated with him, what most likely is going to happen to you? It's not just going to be his head getting the noose around it on the gowls.

It's going to be yours as well, because you made him your companion. You associated with him in his crime, and therefore you also get ensnared in the same noose that he had coming. And so there you are standing there with the noose around your neck, thinking, how did I get here? All you've got to do is look to the left, and you see that companion of yours.

That's how you got there. We should be sobered up by this reality. We learn the ways of our companions.

Another way to think about this is kind of like... Think about this. Is it always easy to detect the influence others are having upon you? And if you say, yes, it is, I'd be a little slow there. I'd be a little careful.

So think of this. This could maybe illustrate that. Secondhand smoke.

You might not directly be involved in the act of smoking. Honestly, like people in the past, what did they think? Did they think secondhand smoke really was going to impact their health? They did not think it was going to impact their health. Were they proven to be right or wrong? Wrong.

Yeah. And a classic example of that in the 1970s and 80s, the flight attendants, you could smoke on a plane. And so the flight attendants are on planes day in and day out around secondhand smoke, and it's no wonder that the flight attendants had a higher rate of lung cancer and respiratory illnesses despite never smoking themselves.

Just being stuck in the plane, walking up and down it while all these individuals smoked, they ended up getting lung cancer and they never touched a cigarette. You see, that's what the writer is saying here. You're going to learn his ways.

You're going to learn the ways. Now these ladies, they found out too late the damage that was done. I was thinking about this.

One application of this in Christian circles is certain movements that will use profanity, and they kind of justify it, or they justify uses of being very harsh or crass in their humor. People look at that, and they say, this isn't really having an effect on me. But I would say this, even in a 10-year span, seeing different people who get caught up in that movement, it affects their character.

You learn the ways of this pastor that you're submitting to the teachings on, and they're using corrupt speech. It doesn't not have an effect on you. It's like the secondhand smoke.

It's affecting you. You're learning their ways. Isn't that even what Hebrews 13 mentions we should actually do from our leaders? Imitate your leaders? Imitate their way of life? I mean, that's a good thing, right? I want to have a life where you are imitating it.

There's value. Christlike value by which to imitate. That's why we have elder qualifications.

There's things about a man's character that need to be there and are essential. Thomas Watson, he said, that it's dangerous to be near the plague or those who have infectious diseases. So it is to associate with the wicked.

We cannot catch health from another, but we can catch a disease. The wicked are like the plague. They infect others with their lust and oath.

And you know what we think? I'm going to really be a positive example on someone. What often happens? Do you end up being more of a positive example on them, or does their evil end up more negatively affecting you? Usually that's what happens. Right? That's the reality.

One other thought on this proverb before we look at a few other verses. Make no friendship with a man given to anger. Think about it this way.

I know this has been mentioned in this way before, but I'm going to try to present it again. Hopefully it will strike home to you. Imagine a seven-year-old boy and he's your son.

You've got a son. He's attempting to read the Bible. You're so excited.

My son is sitting there. He's trying to read God's Word. And one day, he's reading one proverb a day for the month.

You're just so excited. Well, one day, guess what proverb he lands in? Proverbs 22. How would he process this verse? He goes over the words.

Make no friendship with a man given to anger. He thinks, huh, my daddy's a man. I'm close with my daddy.

I love my daddy. I go with my daddy to Home Depot. I go with my dad to fix the car.

Hmm. But my dad gets real angry when he can't find a tool. Sometimes my daddy hits his finger with the hammer and he's angry.

Maybe even he said some words the kid had never heard before. And the kid keeps processing. He wants to understand God's Word.

But here God tells me, make no friends with an angry man. God tells me to not go with a hot-tempered man. You know what that kid ends up asking the Lord? He's trying to obey God's Word.

He says, God, should I not be friends with my dad? It says you learn his ways. And I see. I'm getting angry at my younger sister in the same way dad does the car.

My sister misplaced my Lego. I was so angry. Oh no, I'm learning the angry way of my father.

What do I do? Imagine that's your kid. And then your kid actually doesn't just process that in his head. He goes to you.

Imagine you're the boy's father. He comes to you and he explains his conclusion. What are you going to say to him? You know what? If you're already living a life marked by humility and acknowledgement of any sin you commit that your kids are aware of, you're able to manifest humility again to them.

And say, yeah, son, this is bad. This has got to stop in my life. Forgive me.

But brethren, as Tim mentioned before, could you even tell your own kids they shouldn't be friends with you because of characteristics in your life? You see, I think that's a very good point to think about. When we think about friends, what type of friend am I to my own children? Well, Proverbs 12, 26. Go back a few pages.

Proverbs 12, 26. We just see this principle here again and again about how whether good or negative conduct, we are influencing people. One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

So the righteous is a guide and the wicked is a guide. One is a lighthouse guiding the ship to safety. The other is a bunch of fools who went on the top of a hill by the sea and they built a bonfire right in front of the rocks to lead the ship to go towards that thinking it's the lighthouse and the ship is going to sink.

And that's what you find. Proverbs 16. Proverbs 16, 29.

You've got a violent man. And it mentions the effect. Actually, let's even read verse 28 right before.

A dishonest man spreads strife. And a whisperer, a gossip, separates close friends. What a terrifying reality.

How many really solid good friendships disintegrated over time because of gossip and unguarded conversations. Then verse 29, a man of violence entices his neighbor. He leads him in a way that is not good.

And again, it's not like the neighbor fully recognizes the way he's being led. It can be like the secondhand smoke. It might not be obvious to him.

There's a subtlety of these realities. So, I hope you're convinced that the friends you have, the companions you have, they make an impact on you. Whether you can sit here today and fully recognize what that impact is, whether negative or positive, something is happening.

Now go to Proverbs 13. 13, verse 20. We've got a verse that mentions, again, the positive and the negative.

But this is a well-known verse mentioning the positive reality. Chapter 13, verse 20, whoever walks with the wise becomes wise. He gives the negative.

But the companion, whoever walks with the fools, will suffer harm. So, who are my friends? I'm either getting hurt by them spiritually, or I'm growing by them spiritually by the influence that is happening from them on my life. This verse tells me there's people you want to be walking with.

Right? There are people you want to be walking with. And you know that in a worldly sense, right? You've got a young man and he's wanting to get into a certain career. And, you know, let's say that career is making electric vehicles or whatever, right? And if he's up in Austin and he sees Elon Musk walking around somewhere, that guy's going to make every effort he can to go walk by his side and meet that person because of the positive impact he thinks he can have about the direction he's wanting to go in.

Right? Where do you gravitate? Again, you're going to gravitate towards people who are going to have similar desires as you. That can be, again, very revealing. It's one thing even with children, as you make professions of faith, one thing I'm looking at as a shepherd is who are your friends? And then what impact are you having upon your friends? Because that says something about what you long for, what you desire.

If you're around a bunch of friends who are always using corrupt jokes, that reveals something very evident about what you ultimately desire in your own heart, whether you'll admit it or not. So do you and I eagerly seize the opportunity to walk with those we clearly see are far godlier than we are? And I would even add they're older than you are. I mean, this verse is, you know, one of the applications is admonish people to be around those who are older than them and godlier than they are.

Right? The whole idea that the world has that you just, you know, you kind of have to associate with people who are around your age group, that's just garbage. It's not in the Bible. The Bible says don't let anyone despise you for your youth.

The Bible says you can go and associate with older people, older women, or to teach the younger women. It says in Titus 2. And you know what? This whole principle is vital when it comes to who you marry. The classic example is Solomon.

1 Kings 11, for when Solomon was old, when did he start marrying foreign women? It wasn't when he was old. So listen, catch this. For when Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods.

What's that mean? It didn't happen when he first married them. It took time to whittle away the foundation and the trust that he had in who the Lord is. You see what I'm saying? It didn't happen overnight.

He didn't just marry the woman and then he ended up corrupt the next week. It started to happen when Solomon was old. You see, so the long-term effect of who we associate with, it might not have the byproduct, it might not come out until a later date.

His wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God. I'm telling you, one of the most important relationships you will ever have is your spouse. The greatest decisions you will ever make is who to marry.

And you want to bathe that in prayer, in fasting, in the abundance of counselors. You don't want to be hasty with your feet. You don't want to get deceived by things that really aren't going to produce a long-term marriage that's honoring to the Lord.

I mean, this matters. Solomon was a man with power. Look at the end of his life.

And it's linked to who he married. What about family? Deuteronomy. If your brother, the son of your mother, or your son, or your daughter, or the wife you embrace, or your friend who is as your own soul.

You have a friend like that? They're as your own soul? They entice you secretly saying, let's go serve other gods. Don't yield to him or listen to him. What about teachers we listen to? I kind of already hit on that, but the well-known verse, 1 Corinthians 15 33.

Do not be deceived. Bad company in context with false teachers who deny the resurrection. Bad company with false teachers will destroy good morals.

You get a little bad doctrine in? Believers aren't really going to be resurrected? And that absolutely affects the rest of your life. That's spoken to a church. A church is being warned about who they keep company with, with others who it seems are presently a part of that church or visiting that church.

You see, this isn't just some idea that I've got to be careful with the lost. No, it's even under the banner of those who claim the name of Christ. 2 Timothy 2 Same principle.

Avoid irreverent babble for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness and their talk will spread like gangrene. It spreads. You and I are very influenced by the relationships we have.

In a good way or a negative way. The wise friends you have, their presence is a constant sermon. Their footsteps they teach, but you walk with the fools, it's like dwelling near a house of the plague.

You will not go untouched. It's going to affect you. And I'll just say this, if you and I if we have an inability to be good friends to others and imitate and show the love of Christ to them, what's that say about our own walk with Christ? It shows that's the area we really need to do maintenance.

Because the overflow of my own nearness to the Lord Jesus Christ is that's going to be the aroma you're going to get. If that's who I'm spending time around, his aroma is going to be upon me and when I'm going to go be around you, same thing. You're going to have that effect.

And you know what? There's people you're around sometimes flooded with the aroma of Christ and then you're around them on their off day where maybe they have undealt with sin, maybe they've not been near to the Lord and you just have that sense. Something's different about them. Right? Like the way they're talking, there's just not this depth.

I mean, you probably felt that yourself in your own life. There's days I feel that. There's not this same nearness.

It's noticeable. If I were to go to a survey of other people and I had a list of all the days I thought were off days and I said, hey, what was your perception of me on that day? I'm sure people recognized. Something is not as near to the Lord as has been in the past.

Christ calls us to love others as He has loved us. I mean, the more you and I see the love of Jesus Christ, we're going to go and show that love to others. The Bible is full of one another commands.

I mean, this loudly speaks to the reality. You and I can't live in isolation and we need companionship. We need friendship.

We need a body. We are a body of Christ. We can't neglect this body.

We're living our life with this body. Turn to Hebrews 3. Hebrews 3. It was John Piper who in this verse, he just said, this is a text that shows you how important you need companions and friends in Christ. And I think that's a great way to look at it.

Hebrews 3, starting in verse 12. Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart leading you to fall away from the living God. But, so here the solution is, exhort or encourage one another.

So this is one of the one another commands. Encourage one another every day as long as it is called the day and look at the effect, that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end.

And then he says today. He just said exhort one another every day. Today if you hear his voice, don't harden your hearts.

You guys are a means of grace in my life to exhort and encourage me that areas where my heart might be getting hardened by the deceitfulness of sin, you come in with a word fit for the season and it softens the heart. He doesn't just say you get that when you read the Bible. You should.

Yes, we can get that when we read the word, but here a person is actually coming and saying something to you. And God uses that in your life. These words right here in Hebrews 3, they point to the great duty that all of us Christians have.

We must care deeply about each other's spiritual well-being and try to help. The attitude behind those words of Cain are the opposite. When he said am I my brother's keeper? That's the opposite.

This text shows us that everyone is in a way responsible for their brother or sister. As part of church membership, when we baptize people out there, in the coming weeks we're going to have baptisms next week. Those people that are coming into this body, you and I are responsible to exhort them every day as long as it is called the day.

And they likewise are responsible to exhort us in a similar way. And God is using those words of encouragement, those exhortations to keep us. To keep our hearts soft and not hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.

Proverbs 25, like a bad tooth or a foot out of joint, so is confidence in an unfaithful person at the time of trouble. You know what? When you're looking for a church, you don't want to have a church where it's like a bad tooth and when you're in a time of trouble, they're not there for you. We don't want to be that type of church for individuals.

We want to be those who are there. We're there in their time of trial. We want to be reliable, right? That Proverbs thinks to reliability, being a person of your word, that's so important with being a friend.

You're just a reliable person. John Flavel, he says, as a man is known by the company he keeps, so is his wisdom measured by the influence he allows into his life. To walk with the wise is not a casual stroll.

It's a deliberate step towards eternity. The fool may beckon with laughter, but his road ends in destruction. Flavel's right.

This exhorting one another every day as long as it's called the day, it's about making it to heaven. Because the very next text says, you've come to share in Christ if indeed you hold your original confidence firm to the end. You see, that's really what's at stake here.

We're all seeking to be saving one another and exhorting one another that we might endure to the end. Richard Baxter, a man's company shapes the molding of his soul. Right? Are you a person who hones others' affection for God? What way could I be a greater friend that has that type of an influence on someone? So what makes a true friend? A whole lot could be said, but just a few thoughts.

First, a friend does things that hurt you. Proverbs 27.6 27.6 It's part of what makes a true friend. Proverbs 27 verse 6 starting in verse 5. Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Profuse are the kisses of an enemy. See, a friend hurts you.

They wound you. Have you ever been wounded by anyone in the church? I realize there's bad wounds, right, through them sinning against you, but this wound comes from them seeking. They see a broken bone in your body, and they want to set it right.

And they're trying to get in there and get that leg so it can heal. Because if it doesn't heal, they realize it's not good for you. So they come in with correction, with rebuke.

Then verse 9 27 verse 9. Oil and perfume make the heart glad. The sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. His earnest counsel.

I like that. Earnest. He's not just giving you counsel.

You feel like he's really earnest about you. There's some passion there. I mean, isn't that how we are with our kids? The kid just doesn't come to you, and you're just kind of, well, now, Billy, you need to not go running to the street.

You might die. You're earnest about it. There's something at stake here.

And he says that's sweet. Isn't that sweet when you see someone in earnest love saying something to you out of concern? Now, let me give a practical example from church history that has really stood out to me. George Whitefield and Jonathan Edwards.

They met one time. If you don't know, Edwards was older. Some would call him the greatest theologian that America's ever had.

And then Whitefield was more of an evangelist who was mightily used of God. Well, there's one aspect of Whitefield's character at that time. I think he was still in his twenties when they met.

But he would constantly speak about the impressions his mind received. And when he's meeting with Edwards, this starts to overflow. And Edwards, he wanted to love this young man.

So it records this. The sense of difference in their meeting was intensified because Edwards, who was 11 years older than Whitefield, tried to caution Whitefield about relying too much on his impulses. Edwards noted that while Whitefield accepted his advice politely, Whitefield was hesitant to discuss the matter further.

Edwards says this, I thought Mr. Whitefield did not like me as much because I opposed these things. Edwards reflected, and listen to this reflection. To me, it's a sad reflection.

Though he treated me with great kindness, he never became a close friend as other men did. And notice, and you know what, if you keep reading that biography, Whitefield eventually saw his error. He started to edit all of his journals and he publicly apologized.

After he made an impulse one Sunday about his son being a famous preacher, his newborn son and his son died weeks later. I think it was weeks later. God disciplined Whitefield and he saw how he was given too much of these subjective impulses.

My point is, Edwards was right. And Edwards gently tried to show Whitefield something and it just wasn't the time. Whitefield didn't see it.

But then that affected their ability to have a close relationship because of Whitefield's being a little unteachable and not seeing things for what they were. And so this just gives the example of differences in conviction constrain a relationship. You have a difference in conviction on this area of subjective things.

It can prevent you from forming a deeper relationship. That's what happened to them. I'd even mention this.

That example shows the importance of correcting people with gentleness. But it also shows that even if you do that like Edwards did, it doesn't mean the person is going to hear you. Sometimes we think if I correct them with gentleness they're going to eventually see my side.

It's not always the case. It does show you can have mutual respect despite disagreements. And it also is a reminder not all friendships will deepen.

Sometimes despite mutual respect, shared faith, a friendship does not reach the same closeness of others. But brethren, I want that. Look, I don't want to end up like Whitefield where there's some very godly older person who's seeking to speak truth into my life, but I don't agree with him.

And it creates some distance there and there isn't that warmth and that closeness that could have been. And that could have had a massive impact on my life. And as you look at history, don't you imagine if Edwards and Whitefield had a close relationship, it would have had a real positive impact on Whitefield.

So, what makes a true friend? Another thing. Unconditional love. Proverbs 17.

17. A friend loves at all times. In the ESV, the second half to me is rendered in a confusing way.

A brother is born for adversity. It's just saying a true friend is the same as a brotherly relation. In times of greatest need, the loyal love is displayed.

Right? That's what we want to be. We want to be someone who sticks closer than a brother. And our spiritual union in Christ makes us closer to one another eternally than our own biological family.

What else makes a true friend? You rejoice in others' successes and you mourn for their sorrows. Romans 12. Rejoice with those who rejoice.

Weep with those who weep. In Proverbs 13.11, what makes a true friend? Proverbs 11.13 Being trustworthy and keeping confidence. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets.

But he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. Right? I mean, you guys, we all know it. Maybe we all don't know it.

One of the worst things that can happen is you share something to someone. You automatically assume they're not going to go talk to someone else about it. But somehow they do.

And then you find out about it in the grapevine. Right there, you and I have a massive opportunity to lose our trust in that person. And maybe rightly so.

Because of their conduct. But we need to be very gracious and seek to restore that trust and seek that to be an opportunity of teaching for that person. So you and I want to be people that are trustworthy in spirit.

To keep a thing covered. So brethren, I don't know, some of you might be stagnant in your relationships right now. Maybe you're afraid.

Maybe you just lack transparency because you don't know if you can trust people. Maybe you're being passive. You're not taking initiative to show hospitality, to have people over.

When this meeting breaks off right now, maybe you're not intentional in meeting people and scheduling things and seeking to get into people's homes and people's lives. Maybe there's friendships that you had that were close and you're losing it. What are you going to do about that? Is it worth fighting for? Not just for your sake, but for the other person's sake? If you had to write a list right now, how many true friendships and companions do you have? Who would be on that list and why? What's something you've learned from walking with the wise? That's one thing I appreciate about a biography is you see a whole man's life.

You see his errors, if it's written right, because every man had mistakes and shortcomings. And then you see the wisdom. And you just walk with him through his whole life.

I can't really walk with you all through your whole life. One of us is going to die first, but the people are already dead. You can just look at their whole life in one week, reading that biography, and you can learn from it.

You can imitate your leaders, as Hebrews says. So what's something you've learned from walking with the wise? Or, reverse it, what's something you've learned from walking with an angry man? Another question. Have you ever ended some friendship because of a hypercritical spirit and not a genuine reason? Are you okay with it remaining in that way? In what ways are you helping your friends grow? Being intentional to help them grow? Why have some of your friendships disintegrated? What caused that? And then I'll just ask you this.

Is Jesus Christ your closest and most faithful friend? I know this has been mentioned before, but it's not a trick question. You know the whole thing, who's your best friend? I personally don't like that question. I don't like it.

What do you mean? Who's my best friend? Ultimately Christ. Okay, then am I supposed to say my wife? That is the closest earthly relationship I have. You know what I'd challenge you? You want to live in such a way where you might have 20 people who feel like you're their best friend.

You get what I'm saying? You're not trying to categorize like that. What makes them the best friend? The benefit they give to me? Or am I being a friend to them? I realize you could be thinking, you know James, that's not right, because Christ even says something about the Apostle John. That seems to show something specific towards John.

Okay, maybe I'm imbalanced in that statement then. But is Christ your friend? Are you a sinner? Do you need His friendship? Can you do without His friendship? What friends can you do without? We can't do without the Lord Jesus Christ. What are you going to do in times of trouble? When you have Christ as a friend, you've got all the benefits, but imperfection, of the strongest human friendships.

And your walk with Christ, you're free in your relationship with the Lord from any shortcomings on His behalf. Because there aren't any there. When you're in a difficulty, the Lord Jesus is there saying, do not be dismayed, I am with you.

The flame, it will not consume you. The floods will not overwhelm you. In six troubles, I will be with you.

Even in the seventh, I will comfort you. You've got six, that's fine, I'm there. You've got a seventh, I'm there too.

A friend or a brother, they might pull away and become unreliable. Not the Lord Jesus. You can never look back in your histories of Christians and say Christ was unreliable.

That's not true. He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

You know what? Even the best earthly friends or brothers, they might not be able to give us the help we need. They're going to say those famous words to you that enough people don't say. You're going to get counsel, and they're going to have the guts to tell you, I don't know, I don't have an answer.

Rather than try to think something up to have an answer and fill air with some words, they're going to tell you they don't know. And where are you going to end up going? What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and cares to bring. We forfeit peace.

That's why we don't take every care to the Lord in prayer. I love 2 Timothy. It's so hard seeing what Paul went through.

In Rome, everyone deserted him. But 2 Timothy 4.18, he says, The Lord stood by me and strengthened me so that I was delivered from the mouth of the lion. And it's amazing because earlier he mentioned I left Trophimus.

Trophimus was supposed to be there. Why was Trophimus not there with Paul? He was sick. Oh man, you're at the meeting, you're really hoping someone's going to be there, and they're sick.

How many times has that happened with you and the Lord? You're in the trial and the Lord doesn't show up because he's sick. No, you know what? The Lord actually allowed Trophimus to get sick to glorify Himself through Paul only having the Lord to rely on. And you could argue to keep Trophimus from getting killed with Paul because maybe he had another purpose for Trophimus to be alive.

But even the best friends and brothers, they might be called away to duties or a distant place. It's harder to stay close, right? Wilkinsons, Garrows, the Floreses, we seek to remain close, but you know what? It's not as easy as when people are here. It's when people are here.

But Jesus, our Redeemer, He's not distant. He's not far off. And then again, ultimately we have death.

Death often ends the sweetest friendships. They've experienced that in Sedalia. Just different, older, godlier ones departing to be with Christ in these last few years.

And when we go up there for Thanksgiving, we're not going to see Joanne rages and Bob rages and Betty. They're gone. But that's never going to happen with Christ.

He never dies. He forever lives to intercede for us. Isaiah 49, it says, Can a woman forget her nursing child? That she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? And the answer is, yeah.

She might forget her kid. Isn't that amazing? But the incredible thing is, I will not forget you. That's what the Lord says.

The Lord is not going to forget us. How can you have Christ as a close friend? By faith, taking Him at His Word. But practically, here one application is on how to have Christ as a close friend.

It always has stood out to me. In Proverbs 7, he says, Call wisdom your intimate friend. And where do you find wisdom? God's Word.

If you call the Word of God your intimate friend, you will have a deeper friendship with the Lord and a walk with Him. In John 15, 14, You are my friends if you do what I command. You want to have a closer friendship with Christ? Know His Word.

Call wisdom your intimate friend. It's like a ring on your finger. That's what he says right there.

Can you call God's Word an intimate friend? Is it a friend that speaks to you in the midst of trials? Are there promises of God's that come to your mind in the midst of a trial? Well, brethren, that's all I have. I want to specifically encourage anyone here, if you're stagnant in building relationships, try to think practically what's happening there. Where could I grow in intentionality and then even in dialogue? Right? Is there not a depth there in the conversation? And if not, is that on me? Is that on the other? What's going on there? I'm making time to really get to know people.

And we've all probably experienced it. There's some people that are harder to get to know. Don't give up and quit on them.

We want to be intentional. We want to be people who love. And brethren, again, I just caution you or any of you learning ways from some of your companions that are corrupting you and you don't even recognize it.

May God keep us from being corrupted in that way. And one outlet, again, could be the Internet or could be in subtle ways with relationships within our own body and our own church that you don't recognize. Well, let's pray.

Lord Jesus, we thank You for being our friend who sticks closer than a brother. And Lord, I pray You as our great friend and companion and the One who loves us, the One who wants to see us to grow. Lord, do help us to grow in these different ways.

Grace, Lord, to be friends people can trust who have guarded mouths that are not gossips, that are not angry or impatient in our character. Lord, grow us. Lord, we want to be afraid to sin more.

Lord, I pray You'd raise up in greater degrees different brethren to have just a degree of holiness in their life, where when brethren in the church are around them, in a right way, they have this sense, I don't want to sin. Lord, not just because the person's harsh and judgmental, not that type of thing, but Lord, there's just an aroma of Christ, a sensitivity to the things of God. Lord, here You took McShane at 29.

His influence couldn't remain with Bonner. But Lord, Yours is. Lord, like Isaiah 6, holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty.

Lord, we are people of unclean lips. Lord, if we could judge every one of our idle words this week, Lord, we'd all deserve an eternity in hell for the imperfection that we find. Lord, we thank You for being so gracious to us.

Lord, we thank You for not forgetting us. Lord, forgive us for the people we forget. Lord, forgive us for selfishness in our hearts that often manifest in just failing to love people.

Lord, whatever it means to greet one another with a holy kiss in 2024, Lord, help us to have that type of warmth as a church body and to grow in it in greater degrees. So Lord, we just thank You for being our God. We thank You for Your mercy towards us.

We pray this in Christ's name, Amen.