Why Your Mouth Keeps Getting You in Trouble

I'm going to open in God's Word to Proverbs 18. When you're turning there, what specific area of life does Jesus warn about in terms that are very, very sweeping where He says every single instance of what are you going to be judged for? I realize there's verses that talk very broadly, but is there any specific... Every careless idle word. Where does it say that at? Matthew 12.

Right? Matthew 12.36. We're going to give an account for every careless word that they have spoken. And so I want to teach, I want to think about and preach to you on this topic of the ton and on speech. Now, as I was praying about what to preach on the other day, I would say, you know, you want reality in your sermons, right? You want it to be real.

So if you want something to be real, and you're studying it, Jeff or Craig or anyone, what does the Lord tend to do? Yeah! And especially if you go into it overconfident, like you really have all this figured out. So there's different ways I've sinned yesterday with my ton. And you know, here's another area we can sin in is assumptions, right? We can make wrong assumptions.

And I'm going to bring an example up right here right now. It makes sense once I get to the end of the example. Initially, you might think this is a little embarrassing or something, but it's not.

It'll make sense. So imagine today what happened. Some of you saw one of my children was crying, and I was sitting next to that child talking to that child, right? Different people walked by.

One of my daughters came up and said, the person's friends are wondering why are they crying. You made assumptions about why this child was crying, right? Were your assumptions right? Probably most all those assumptions were wrong. You know why the child was crying? Because I had said something that was crushing and harsh.

So I just led one of my dear children to shed tears 20 minutes before I got to get up in the pulpit and speak on this very reality of being careful in our speech, right? God has a way of humbling us in order to make us realize the gravity of a topic. So what I'm talking to you all about right now, I recognize even just with what has just happened, the gravity of this for my own life. And I want to desperately grow and become more like Christ.

And so let's pray. Father, Lord, I pray for Your help. I pray You'd give life from Your Word.

Lord, I pray that You would grow us. Lord, I pray You'd grow me. Lord, I am an unworthy servant.

Lord, I'd much rather be sitting down and hearing someone else preach right now. Lord, I'm thankful for reconciliation. Lord, I'm thankful we can communicate and resolve things in our lives and our sins.

And Lord, that You have a way of showing us things. Lord, You know the areas where I need to be more like Christ. Lord, I pray You'd grow me and make me more like Your precious Son.

And so Lord, we just commit this time to You right now. Please help. In Christ's name, amen.

Let's read all of chapter 18. There's a lot of very helpful general wisdom, but I figure let's just read a bunch of Scripture right here. Maybe something I didn't even plan to stand out is going to stand out.

We're going to start out in Proverbs 18. And then we're going to look specifically at some of the items he mentions in regards to speech. Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire.

He breaks out against all sound judgment. A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his own opinion. When wickedness comes, contempt comes also.

And with dishonor comes disgrace. The words of a man's mouth are deep waters. The fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.

It is not good to be partial to the wicked or to deprive the righteous of justice. A fool's lips walk into a fight and his mouth invites a beating. A fool's mouth is his ruin and his lips are a snare to his soul.

The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels. They go down into the inner parts of the body. Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous man runs into it and is safe. A rich man's wealth is his strong city and like a high wall in his imagination.

Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. If anyone gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and his shame. A man's spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? Now, that's hit me fresh.

Especially for us men, we have the ability with our words we can crush our wife or our children's spirits. They'd much rather be sick physically than a crushed spirit. We want to take verse 14 to heart.

An intelligent heart acquires knowledge and the ears of the wise seek knowledge. A man's gifts make room for him and bring him before the great. The one who states his case first seems right.

This has been quoted a lot in the last few years. Rightly so, the one who states his case first seems right. Until the other comes and examines him.

The lot puts an end to quarrels and decides between powerful contenders. A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city. And quarreling is like the bars of a castle.

From the fruit of a man's mouth, his stomach is satisfied. He is satisfied by the yield of his lips. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

And those who love it will eat its fruits. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. The poor use entreaties, but the rich answer roughly.

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Amen. Well, that's God's Word.

What wisdom packed in this chapter that is absolutely incredible. All the nuggets. Your words, my words, they can make friends.

Or separate friends. They could heal wounds or deepen a wound. They could open someone's heart or shut someone's heart right in your face.

Words really, really matter. Some of you heard the fable. There's the frogs in the pond and these boys are throwing rocks at the frogs in the pond.

And what do the frogs do? They look at each other and say, for the boys, it might be a sport throwing rocks. But for us, it could mean death. That rock hits that frog in the right place, they're dead.

And the kids are just playing around, throwing rocks. They don't realize the impact it can have. That can be us with our words.

We don't realize the massive impact our speech can have. What happens when you're corrected? What comes out? When you're misunderstood, what comes out of you? What would your children say about your speech? That's a very valid question. I remember when Jeff was becoming an elder, I talked to his daughter.

Different ones of his kids. His son-in-law. Do you have any concerns? I trust I didn't have any kids at the time.

But you're wanting to know what is someone like in this intimate situation of their family that shows really who they truly are? One of the greatest hindrances for us to grow, it's not that we fail to see something in our lives. Often, we can see those things, but sometimes we just don't know what truth to apply in order to grow. Or there are areas we're just totally blind to.

The fact we're going to be judged for every careless word, you know what it brings to my mind? Thank God for the cross of Christ. And there is One who for guilty sinners like us, the sins I've committed today, one sin deserves hell for all of eternity. I mean, I deserve to be condemned under the wrath of God, and I'm not because of the cross.

And Christ is the One whose lips were perfectly pure. Christ is the One who never spoke a sinful word. Christ is the One who stood in the place of those who have mouths full of sin.

Even reading the other day in the Gospels, the thieves, they both were speaking abusive language to Christ. One of those thieves is speaking abusive words to Christ, and where does that thief end up at the end of the day? In paradise. Fully forgiven forever because of the mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ.

And so, this isn't you and me trying to get our mouths in greater control and have greater ability to control our speech. This is all about the cross. The more we see what Christ has done, the more we recognize how forgiven we are.

It's only forgiven people. It's only people of the power of the Holy Spirit who are really going to be able to apply these principles into their lives. And so, we need to remember that.

You don't want a message like this to turn into some sort of moral teaching that you're going to go and try to apply. Not that there aren't principles that could be applied even for the lost. And so in Proverbs 18, it's not just giving some rules or ideas about communication, it's really displaying certain types of people.

And you maybe know some of these people. Do you know the person in v. 6? The fool whose lips walk into a fight? Maybe that's been you. Maybe it's been me.

These are types of people. So that's how I want to portray them to you. We're going to look at a few types of people that are found in Proverbs 18 and look at some of these characteristics.

And maybe you're going to recognize some of this is a reality in your life. The thing to do is to just humbly say, Lord, help me. Make me like Christ.

One of the first things in killing sin is acknowledging the sin that God shows us through His Spirit. So let's look at person number one. Person number one is in v. 1, and I'm calling him Mr. Sulks and Shuts Down.

Or Mr. Isolates Himself. This is person number one. V. 1, the one who isolates himself seeks his own desire.

He breaks out against all sound judgment. So why does he isolate himself? Because he's heard sound judgment and he doesn't want it. He doesn't want it.

And how does he break out? He gets away from the sound judgment and he isolates himself. He avoids people who are giving forth sound judgment. You could say this person, they've been corrected, they've been opposed, and instead of leaning in with humility, they pull away.

And their pulling away is an act of self-protection. But is it actually an act of self-protection? Is it really protecting themselves? It's actually hurting themselves like a sick patient getting away from a doctor who's trying to give them medicine that's going to truly help an illness in their life. So this person, Mr. Sulks and Shuts Down, they grow quiet.

They're hard to reach. They don't answer your phone calls. The communication, it stops.

This isn't wise silence. It's the silence of someone who's been offended. It's self-will hiding behind this mask of being really, really quiet.

Sometimes a person acts as if everyone is against them, but the truth is this person is against themselves. They despise the correction. Proverbs 15 says the one who listens to reproof will dwell among the wise.

This person, they're not dwelling among the wise. They're getting away from the wise. So this is something we should ask ourselves.

When I'm corrected, do I grow quieter in a sinful way? Do I withdraw? Is there anyone right now I'm punishing by creating distance between me and them? Do I make others pay for confronting me? Do I give them emotional pain to teach them, don't confront me again, it's not going to go well with our relationship. Right, do you do any of that? There's this kind of silence that's not holy. It's just pouting in the flesh.

Adam and Eve, they heard the sound of the Lord in the garden, what did they do? They go, Lord, come over here, here we're at. Did they go right to the Lord? What'd they do? They hid, right? Right there in the beginning, you got people isolating themselves, not wanting to have a face-to-face encounter. If you're someone who isolates yourself, if you're someone who gets really, really quiet, if you're someone who falls into this, where did you learn that? I mean, Adam and Eve, it was just part of... The fall, right? They didn't learn it from anyone.

But if you have this characteristic in your life, where's a good chance you might have learned this characteristic? From who? Yeah, your parents. Your parents. A lot of bad communication, it's learned at home.

If you grew up in a home and silence is normal, problems are buried, feelings are hidden, hard things are never being talked about. I mean, that's exactly... To you, that's gonna be normal. It's gonna be normal.

And that is a bad thing. What happens when tensions rose up in the family? Did people shut down when correction came? Did people withdraw when something went wrong? Did people deal with the problem directly or did they act like the problem did not exist and they backed off? Right? I mean, kids learn. Our children are learning from all of us.

If that was you, if you fall into this category of Mr. isolates himself or Mr. goes away and pouts, you can't excuse it on your upbringing. You can't excuse it on your personality. At some point, you've gotta ask, am I finally through repeating what I learned that was wrong? And it's time for change to happen in my life by the grace of God.

If not, I'm just gonna pass this same characteristic onto my wife and my children and my own family in the future. Is my home gonna be another place where people just go quiet, avoid the truth, and live at a distance from one another? I don't know the state of everyone's home, but how much of that closeness and openness and transparency and humility is in your home? This greatly, greatly matters. You're setting a precedence for your children.

So you may have learned silence. You may have inherited distance, but Christ says you're not a prisoner of your upbringing. These things can really change in your life.

You've been given a new heart. You've been brought into the family of God. We don't have to hide.

We can walk in the light. Think about Christ. Was Christ Mr. Isolates Himself and go away and pout? I mean, when he's betrayed, when Peter makes these strong statements, what was Christ's response to Peter? I've prayed for you, Peter, that your faith not fail.

He did not punish his disciples with distance. He came to them and He said, peace be unto you. And so that's person number one that we find in Proverbs 18 in verse one.

Don't be Mr. sulks and shuts down. Don't be like that. Don't punish people with your silence.

Second person in verse two, is Mr. Their mind is already made up. Verse two, a fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion. This man is not interested in having a conversation to learn.

They're interested in being in the conversation to unload all of their thoughts and their opinions and all of that. Their goal is not understanding. Their goal is, I got a lot of self-expression that I want to have.

They're not listening to the other person. They're not waiting for their turn. They're not open.

They're settled. They're not teachable. They're convinced in their own mind, right? A fool takes no pleasure in understanding.

What does he take pleasure in? Expressing his own opinion. Have you ever heard words without actually hearing the person? Have you ever sat there? And maybe I've shared this before. I remember years ago, someone at Fatty's at the restaurant when we met there after church, someone was trying to show me something I wasn't recognizing.

I'd just been married. My wife was right there. And the person said something in the conversation.

And I kind of tuned out and I couldn't keep listening to them because I was focused on one thing that they said. And when we got home, my wife said, James, you stopped listening to them. You tuned out, right? We can fall into this easily.

If you want skill in communication, take pleasure in understanding. Love hearing the whole matter. Leave room for the fact that you and I do not have everything figured out.

Proverbs 12 says a fool, he's right in his own eyes. He thinks he's got everything figured out, but a wise man, he listens to advice. The wise man listens to advice.

What happened the night before the space shuttle Challenger crashed the next day? What happened? Engineers warned that the cold could cause the O-rings on the space shuttle to fail. They urged leaders at NASA, delay the launch, delay the launch. But the decision makers had already made up their minds.

The meeting wasn't about understanding when they had the meeting. They were already determined, we know what's right. This is what's going to happen.

So they defended their plan. They defended their plan. And what happened when the space shuttle went up into the sky? Maybe 73 seconds later, it exploded.

Right, I mean, that's an example of we're convinced in our own mind, of our own opinion, and we could be wrong, and it's going to cost us greatly. We need to have a teachable spirit and ability to listen to what people are trying to tell us. I mean, think about the Lord Jesus Christ.

Christ never failed in this because everything He said was truth, right? Christ didn't, yet it says He even learned obedience in Hebrews. And so there was humility, living as a man by the Lord Jesus Christ. That's person number two.

Is there an area in your life right now where you're so convinced about expressing your own opinion and you've kind of doubled down on you know you're absolutely right with your position? What if you're actually wrong? Do you have the humility to kind of re-examine your perspective and face the reality maybe there's something you're not recognizing? So that's person number two. Person number three in verses six and seven is Mr. Can't Keep His Mouth Shut. And no one in the church struggles with this, so we'll just skip this one over.

We'll read it just for the sake in case somehow applies to some of our kids or something like that. Six and seven. A fool's lips walk into a fight and his mouth invites a beating.

A fool's mouth is his ruin and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a whisperer like delicious morsels, they go down into the inner parts of the body. What invites the beating? What walks into a fight? Words.

This man or woman keeps creating trouble with their tongue. They're sending out invites for a fight with their words. Their careless comments take sparks and turn them into flames.

Right, we read about that in James. So much power in a little member, it can burn a whole forest down. It's incredible.

And then the guy or the woman says, I don't know why there's always so much drama in my life. Someone is shocked at all the drama in their life, probably the reality is the drama's being created with this little member here and some words they're saying or something that they're typing in a group chat or on Facebook or whatever. Drama happens through your lips.

95% of the time, that's why it's happening. Your lips walked into it, your mouth even invited it. It's self-inflicted the majority of the time.

People think, well, I'm getting a beating because I was faithful. A lot of the beatings we get are not from being faithful, but from being foolish with our lips. You posted what you should not have posted.

You were rash. I mean, that's one of the beauties of writing letters is you actually have time to think about it. And you wait until the post comes and you think, you know, I'm not going to send that.

I'm going to change that. But you get a text message and you respond to that thing right away. You know, there's no barrier.

It's like, let's push this out. Let's get it out. I'm not going to wait and pray about it and examine it or have others look at it until the next day.

And then boom, something happens. Creates more problems. How many fights begin with words? With words.

Proverbs 17 says, whoever restrains his words has knowledge. And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. People who are slow to speak are some of the wisest people.

Wisdom knows when to stop talking. Do you know when to stop talking? Do I know when to stop talking? I need to grow on that. Verse 7, it presses the matter even further.

A man's mouth can be his ruin. His lips can become a snare to his own soul. This is serious, right? Just like James 1.26, whoever does not bridle his tongue, his religion is worthless.

So this isn't just a speech problem, it's a heart problem because out of the abundance of a man's heart, his mouth does what? It speaks. Right, when we say something and then apologize and say we didn't really mean that, that's very, it's hard for someone to believe that because the Bible says what you just said was already in the heart and you just were honest with it. But after the fact you recognize that wasn't the right thing to say and so then you lie in your apology and say you didn't really mean it when maybe you actually did really mean it because it came from your heart.

Now you could have stated it in a way that you realize it came across in the wrong way and the person needs to give you the benefit of the doubt to clarify what you actually intended it to mean because it sure came across in a different way. So this is a heart problem. When emotions rise up, when you and I feel mistreated, when we feel neglected, when we feel hurt, when our ego is wounded, Proverbs 29 says, a fool, he gives vent, full vent to his spirit, but a wise man, he quietly holds it back.

So ask yourself, what happens when things get heated? Do you get louder? Sharper? Faster? Harsher? Or do you restrain your spirit? A fool, he vents, a wise man bridles, a fool keeps talking, a wise man, he knows when to be quiet. And again, as we close person three out, Christ, how does Christ, did Christ just give full vent to his spirit? When Jesus is falsely accused, it says he gave no answer. Christ did not defend himself.

He showed incredible wisdom that we have much to learn from. So that's person three. Person four is in verse eight, Mrs. Whispering Poison.

In verse eight, the words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels, they go down into the inner parts of the body. Right? Gossip is rarely served as poison. That's not how it's branded.

Right? It's branded as this is really interesting, this is going to taste really good. Man, if you don't know what's going on, you're missing out. You got to get a hold of this information or you're really missing out.

That's how it's served. It's served as something sweet. The text says delicious morsels.

Delicious morsels. That's why it's so dangerous. The person doesn't come up and say, here, let me slander someone to your face.

It's not what they do. It comes dressed up. It sounds like concern.

It sounds like, well, we're just being honest. People aren't being honest and I'm going to be honest. Sounds like helpful information.

It sounds like, well, this is a prayer request. You need to know about this prayer request. God says that's the speech of a whisperer.

And why do they whisper? There's times we need to whisper. I'm not saying that's wrong, but often it's because they know it's wrong. They know we don't want other people to hear about this.

This isn't going to be good if it happens. We want to pass along something in secret that's going to stain someone's mind. And those words, when heard, they do not just bounce off.

What's the text say? They go down into the inner parts. You've eaten and I've eaten words that had poison about someone's character and they went into the inner parts of my heart. And that's not easy just to get that poison out.

If you've had that happen, someone try to assassinate someone's character in your mind, you don't just wake up the next day and oh, it's all gone. It goes into the inner parts. They poison your judgment.

They turn affection for the person into suspicion. You're now suspicious of them. They make you no longer trust the person.

Now you feel distance towards the individual. Proverbs 16.28, it's a well-known verse, a dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends. How often genuine close relationships are destroyed by a little gossip, a little slander, a little lack of controlling, the ton, a little text message that was not appropriate, it was wrong.

It was assuming something that was not right in any way at all. A whisperer might not use a sword, but they can cut very, very deep and separate close friends. And think about it, when you feel wronged by someone, it's much easier for you and me to speak evil of that individual to someone else if you feel like they've wronged you.

So you're already hurt, and your hurt becomes an excuse for whispering and gossiping about that individual. And that's exactly what the devil wants. He's looking for that opportune time.

And so in one way, in the Proverbs, there's two centers in the Proverbs. There's the one who serves the morsel, and there's the one who enjoys eating it. We've got to be a people who do not enjoy eating juicy morsels.

If that's an appetizer that you're used to eating, you don't want to eat that appetizer. Do I enjoy hearing a bad report? Do I pass it along? Do I give just enough details to stain someone and another person's mind? And this, again, really impacts our kids. I remember once, well, let me give this example.

A little boy, or a family, this is from a book I was reading. A little boy once cried out while his parents were receiving morning visitors. He said this in front of the visitors get there.

Imagine getting to my house. You sit down at my table, and one of my four-year-olds says, mama, when will these people go away so we can start talking about them? Right? Ouch. How about the parent? You look at the parent.

Why did your kid say that? Well, obviously the kid was trained. That's what we do as a family. When the people go out the door, we just talk about them, gossip about them.

Look, I'm not saying there is not a time to sit down and have a family discussion and learn from times of fellowship, and there's a right way to bring out observations about how you could have served the family better, or if you felt like your kids got really negatively influenced by another kid. I'm not saying there's not a way to communicate that. We're not tearing down that family, but there's a way where it's like normal in that kid's mind.

Let them leave and let's just talk about them. So that's person four. We don't want to be like that.

We do not want to be, I mean, we've talked, I know Ryan McCann dealt with Romans 16, 17 a few weeks ago, and this is a serious topic in our lives as Christians. But person five. Person five is Mr. Answers Before He Hears.

Verse 13. And this, oh my brethren, this is a biggie. I know in my own life, in all of our lives, to some degree an area to grow in that we've not mastered.

Verse 13. If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. That deals with assumptions.

Call it an example, a real life example I started with. People, you make assumptions about people. You see something happen and you're thinking, this must be happening because of this.

And then you can convince yourself in your mind, well, my assumption's right. Well, that's what it's saying. You're already given an answer in your mind and you haven't heard anything.

And it calls that type of conduct what? Folly and shameful. This is Mr. Cut you off mid-sentence. This is Mrs. I already know what you mean, so I don't need to listen.

This is Mr. Let me fix you before you finish what you're saying. Or this is Mrs. Half the story is enough for me, I don't need to hear anymore. Right? Those are the type of people we're talking about in verse 13.

And how often does this happen? Someone begins to explain something, before they're done, you jump in. Especially if they're a little quieter and a shyer personality, it's easier to cut them off, right? And then they don't say anything to you and you didn't even hear them all the way out. Then you go into some long explanation because you think you figured everything out and then you get done with it and then you go to them and they finish sharing what they're gonna share and you realize everything you shared didn't even apply to them at all.

We assume interrupt, correct, correct, advise, we react and five minutes later, we realize we didn't even hear them out. This is folly. I mean, you ever felt that the shame of it? I mean, sometimes that's what it takes in our lives.

We do make an assumption and we finally actually hear the person out and then we recognize how wrong we were and we feel a sense of shame. You should feel shame. I should feel shame for falling into this.

That's a right response. What's something practical you can do? Pause after the person finishes and just let there be silence for a moment. Make sure they're done.

You're gonna save yourself from a lot of shame. So ask yourself, do people really feel heard by me or do they just feel like I'm managing them or something? John Piper, he said, it's arrogant to answer before you hear. Humility does not presume that it knows precisely what a person is asking until the questioner has finished asking the question.

How many times I have jumped to a wrong conclusion by starting to formulate my answer before I heard the whole question? Often it is the last word in the question that turns the whole thing around and makes you realize that they're not asking you what you thought they were asking you. So, verse 13, if one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and his shame. Well, person number six is a positive person here in the passage.

In verse 15, Mr. Diligent Listener. An intelligent heart acquires knowledge and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. This is Mr. Diligent Listener.

This is a very good positive contrast. This man, he's not in a rush, or this woman, they're not in a rush. Their ears are working.

Their heart is right. They want knowledge. They want clarity.

They want to understand what you're really actually saying. And notice the wisdom here. It's not pictured as speaking, right? It's pictured as a person who is acquiring and seeking, meaning they're listening.

They're listening. And the person isn't just listening. Think of this, they're not just listening to hear what does this person say.

They're actively seeking to get knowledge out of the person. It's not so much they're trying to give a statement when they finish, they're trying to ask more questions. They're looking for any nuances in what the person's saying.

They're listening for pain. They're trying to listen for what is the actual situation that this individual is actually going through. They're listening to the words.

They're listening to the body. They're watching the body language. They're hearing the tone, the timing.

They're trying to discern what the burden is. All of that takes work to be a good listener. To acquire knowledge.

You're asking things to acquire knowledge. A lot of bad communication happens because we're too full of ourselves while the other person is talking. We can't read the room right.

We're not asking the right follow-up questions. We're already preparing an answer in our mind. We're already rejecting their point.

We're already drifting to the next task we've got. For parents, you've got to be willing to invest time with your children and not just be rushed by various tasks. I think it was Jeff, a few weeks ago in a sermon, you mentioned the thing about cleaning the baseboards.

That was you, right? Who was it? Was it you, Craig? That was Jeff? Okay, what did he say? That's right, a wife taking time. How many wives clean the baseboards anyways? The point, Adrian does, okay. But the point is, what's more important? Time with the children, especially not your baseboards, maybe, but to each his own.

Am I really listening or pretending to listen? And I'm telling you, we can be self-deceived in this. Like, I feel like that's even, there's areas I am self-deceived in my life right now where I need to grow, right? I recognize that is a honest reality. And when I'm saying grow, I mean, brethren, this is a matter of we're chasing to be perfect in our speech like Christ.

I hope you wanna be beyond yelling, raising your voice, speaking outwardly in a harsh, you wanna be beyond all of that. Where all that, it's like, that's not a part of my life. And you're dealing with things that are far more subtler in your life, in your relationships.

You get what I'm saying? Like, there's obvious ways we can manifest sin of anger and impatience. You wanna be at a place in your life where it's these subtle things. The problem is you won't recognize the subtle ways that you're sinning and being impatient or in saying some word that doesn't hit right as it should if you're not rid of all these things that are more obvious.

Person seven, verse 17, Mr. Slants the story. The one who states his case first seems right until the other comes and examines him. This is the person they tell the story in a way that makes them look clean and the other person look crooked.

They leave things out. They strategically arrange the facts. They edit the details.

They highlight only what helps them. And they hide things that would expose their own fellings to the degree that those fellings happen. This is the power of a one-sided story.

The first telling of a story or a case or of something can often sound most convincing, not because it's true, but often because it's most incomplete. It's leaving a lot of things out. This is why wise shepherding, wise friendship, wise parenting, wise in your marriage, you wanna be slow, you wanna slow down before you take sides.

You wanna be able to hear everything out and get an accurate perspective of what's really going on. So ask yourself, when you recount a conflict, do you make yourself look better than you are when you're sharing about some situation? If another person was there hearing what you shared, would that now alter it because you realize you're skewing it to protect yourself? A slanted story might persuade other people and win them to your side, but it will not persuade God. He sees and knows everything.

The Pharisees, they gave crooked readings of the word to the disciples, what they were doing on the Sabbath and different things, and Jesus did not accept this surface version. He brought fuller truth and He judged rightly. And so we need to be like that.

We wanna be people of truth. We wanna confront lies. We wanna confront subtle lies.

We wanna confront things that are exaggerated, that are not right, that are distorted. We wanna be people of truth and confront that. God hates deceit.

And Christ was a man in whom there was no deceit. Well, the last person in verse 23, person number eight, Mr. High-Minded Harsh, Mr. Harsh High-Minded Man or Woman. The poor use entreaties, but the rich? The rich in money? Rich in position? Could be both.

What do they, how do they answer? Rough. They answer roughly. It's kind of the person you picture, they got a high tone.

They really raise their voice. They come across very harsh. When you tell them they're being harsh, they say they're not.

They say, that's just how I talk. They minimize these things as if it's nothing. Obviously, the rich part, it seems there's some pride in some position or money.

They're blunt, but they don't have love. They're sharp. They don't have gentleness.

They're critical, but they're trying to rebuke you. They don't end up getting to the, what's the last step? When you're rebuking and correcting, what's the step you end on? Healing. You don't just point out the leg is broken.

You try to set the leg and you wrap it, right? You're seeking to bring healing. This person thinks forceful personality is gonna prove to be strong. The Proverbs say, sweetness of speech increases how persuasive you are.

Sweet, gentleness, right? Let our gentleness be known to everyone, as Paul said to the Philippians. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up. Proverbs 18, 19, we read this a moment ago, but a brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.

That is a weighty verse. It's easier to take over a strong city than to get back an offended brother or sister. Boy, if that doesn't make you wanna be cautious in how you speak, everything could be great in this relationship you have with someone.

With a person, your wife, a child, someone in the church, and all of a sudden, one moment of not being cautious in your speech and you cause a hurt there, it could be easier to go and take over a castle than that person who has been offended. If we err in our conversation and say something hurtful, it sticks with the person. We do not wanna scar people in our relationship with harsh speech.

Proverbs 12, 18, there is one whose rash words are like, are like what? Sword what? Thrusts. Multiple stabs into the person. Incredible.

But the tongue of the wise brings healing. The non-wise tongue doesn't bring healing, it brings hurt and wounds. Harsh men often excuse themselves by saying, that's just how I am.

That is a pathetic defense. A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city. Harsh speech leaves scars.

Husbands, we especially need to hear this. I mean, you can wound your wife, your children with your tongue. Christ, after Thomas doubted, Jesus didn't answer.

I don't believe Jesus answered him roughly. He came near, he dealt with him tenderly and corrected him without crushing him. So, ask yourself, when I answer, do you heal or do you cut? Do I lower the temperature or am I known for increasing the temperature? Does it get hotter emotionally in the room when you walk in? Or does the conversation just kinda cool down? It's like, oh yeah, dad's coming in the room, everything's gonna cool down.

He's got a way of cooling the room down. Do my words calm anger or do they stir it up? And so this chapter, Proverbs 18, is asking us a very plain question. What kind of person are you becoming with your words? The reality is, I don't know for you as well as I could who you are in the home.

I don't know. You know who you are in the home. I don't know.

I mean, I think I know, but I could be wrong. Are you becoming a diligent listener? That you're the wise man, the wise man who seeks knowledge, who listens carefully, who answers gently, who would rather heal someone than win an argument. Is that who you're becoming? Because verses 20, 21, pretty weighty, from the fruit of a man's mouth, his stomach is satisfied.

He's satisfied by the yield of your lips. Are you satisfied by the yield that your lips are bringing right now in your relationships? Or does it look bad? Someone was sharing a while back about their kids wanted to have control over every one of the relationships that they were in to the point where they smothered all of their friends out of their lives because they just always had to have control over those relationships. The kid eventually got to the point they were sick of the yield that their lips were bringing.

It destroyed all their relationships. All right, what type of yield are you getting? What type of yield am I getting? Are my lips bearing fruit? Are they leaving a harvest? Are they carrying life or death? Verse 21, death and life are in the power of the tongue. And those who love it will eat its fruits.

Satisfied by the yield, eat its fruits. This isn't small. Parents, do your children feel that your mouth is a place of safety or a place of danger? And here's the scary thing with that question.

You could go ask your kid after the service, son, daughter, what do you think? What do you think about my mouth? Is it a place of safety or of danger? I hope your parents are willing to ask your kids questions like that, right? Your kids can actually help you point out blind spots in your life since they've got front row seats. But what could happen to the child when you ask them that question? Depending on how you are, they might not feel free to be honest with you as a parent. They might not tell you the truth because they're scared because of your harshness.

Or they might affirm you in your blindness because they've already partaken of your blindness and can't see clearly because they're a product of your own conduct as a parent. Parenting is so important, brethren. It is a privilege that we have if you've got children.

Who have you wounded with your words? Who feels you're distant right now? Who's been caught by your sharpness? Who has been made to pay for confronting you? If the last interaction with someone was they confronted you and you no longer interact with them and they would like to interact with you and you're not allowing that, that's not good. Or is there a situation where someone's only heard the version of your story but they've not come to you? Or you've not gone to that person? If you can answer those questions in the affirmative, you're not living these principles out. And we need to be people who don't just admire these truths in Proverbs 18, we need to act on it.

Go and ask the person for forgiveness. Go and unsay what can be unsaid by a humble confession. Go and make right what your tongue has damaged.

Go and refuse to whisper. Right, as we took the Lord's Supper there, I'm asking myself, is there any relationship that I haven't resolved some conflict with where I'm about to take these symbols that point to being a unified body of Christ? Remember years ago, someone came up to me in the middle of the Lord's Supper to apologize for something, right? That's what Christ calls us to do. If you know your brother has something against you, you leave your gift at the altar to go to your brother or your sister, you pursue them.

How is a man or a woman or a child with a sinful mouth gonna stand before a holy God? Like I said in the beginning, the answer is not I'm gonna try harder. The answer is not I'm gonna become a better communicator. It's not it.

The answer is Christ crucified. I'm telling you, Christ, He never sinned in His speech. It's incredible.

You look at the person of Christ in the New Testament. You look at the prophecies about Christ in Isaiah 53. You look at His graciousness, His gentleness.

You look at how misunderstood He was by His disciples. And He didn't just turn around and defend Himself in some proud way. Christ is our example.

So many situations Christ said nothing. The One who had all knowledge, the greater than Solomon, was faced in all manner of situations and He didn't open His mouth. He didn't say wisdom when He could give the wisdom because He discerned it wasn't the right time to say whatever it was.

The Lord is amazing. And so there's one area in closing that I want you to think about with your communication and your lips and your talking. How is your communion with the Lord Jesus Christ? How is your prayer life? You and I will not speak like Christ if we do not walk with Christ.

When you could forget everything in Proverbs 18, but don't forget this one thing. You walk near to Christ, you pray to Christ, you confess your sin to the Lord, you humble yourself before Him, you seek to know Him more. All these things are gonna be a byproduct.

That's just gonna happen in your life. Right, that's what 2 Corinthians 3.18 says, as we behold the glory of the Lord in the face of Jesus Christ, we are being changed from one degree of glory to the next. You want change in your life? It's not morality.

It's not a bunch of principles, although those principles can help. It's looking at a person, the Lord Jesus Christ. He is where the focus must be.

I love the psalm. It says, set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth. Keep watch over the door of my lips.

God help us. Well, let me pray. Father, Lord, I thank You for Your incredible faithfulness to us as Your believers.

Lord, I just think of the ways that You deal with me in my own life, in my own walk with You. Lord, You know the perfect timing to show us different areas where we're failing to be like Your Son. And Lord, Lord, I do pray You'd make us like Christ.

Father, I pray You'd show us more of Christ. Lord, I pray You'd help us to be people who have guarded speech. But Lord, help us be people who have a guarded heart because out of the abundance of our heart, our mouth, it speaks.

Lord, the things that come out, they're already inside. They're already simmering in the heart. Lord, I pray You'd help us to have graciousness in our speech.

Lord, would You help us to not be Mr. Pouts and Isolates himself. Lord, we don't want to be Mrs. Poisonous Whisperer. Lord, any of these characters, these people that we find in this proverb, Lord, we don't want that to be true of us.

Lord, we want the yield of our lips to be a hundredfold fruit to Your honor and Your name. Lord, we want that. Please, oh God, help us.

Help this church. Lord, help me personally. Help all of us.

Lord, I just beg of You. Don't leave us to ourselves. Lord, don't leave us not growing in these different areas.

Lord, help us to not be the man who looks at the mirror and he goes away at once and he forgets what he saw. Lord, we want to be doers of the Word, not hearers only. Lord, I do thank You.

There's this old man, old elder, who's going to share at the youth meeting. Lord, I pray You'd help Jeff as he shares about practical things on discerning the will of God and making decisions. Lord, help our young people.

I pray You'd help our young people to not be gossips. Lord, I pray You'd help the young people in this church. Lord, I don't know everything going on in chat groups or how they interact or what they say, but Lord, I pray You'd sanctify the speech of young people in our church especially.

Lord, there's so much bad examples, Lord, Lord, that have been in the church, out of the church, in the world. Lord, our kids are just growing up so fast. Lord, would You sanctify in this very area? Lord, You purge.

Lord, quickness of speech, hastiness of speech. Lord, Lord, help none of us eat juicy morsels. Lord, we want to fast from juicy morsel eating.

Lord, we don't want to be partakers in these delicacies that the devil puts on the table in front of us. Lord, make us more like Your Son. Lord, I pray You would help us parents.

Lord, I remember sitting at a table of a man I respected, and Lord, seeing how sharp he was with his kid just for spilling the milk. Lord, just put terror in me. I don't ever want to do that.

And Lord, we might not raise our voice and speak in a sharp way, but Lord, we can say something in a subtle way that does as much damage. Lord, sanctify us. Lord, help us walk by Your Spirit.

Lord, thank You for these brethren. I commit all this to You in Christ's name, Amen.